#realisation
It always seemed like I had a good relationship with my mom, like when did it become so toxic???
I am thankful that I stop listening to people’s opinions of me. I am grateful for letting go of the toxic people in my environment. I am pleased that the love I have for myself is growing daily.
I am fortunate to be able to face my demons within and still stand after every battle. I am indebted to all my life’s experiences/lessons who taught me the true meaning to why I am here and what my purpose is.
My worth is no longer invisible but a clear outline of what make me “Chem”.
I came to a sudden and abrupt realisation not moments ago.
Some background for an idea of the forethought:
I have done many many things in my short 20-odd years, felt like I have lived many life times that took me from sea to sea and across the face of the planet, experiencing intense small happenings and large events on this earth.
My experience has a crippling downside - an innate explorer and curioso, but hampered by profound needs to see and know. Elsewhere.
So now:
Each time I have taken a huge turn in my life - reckless or courageous, both and neither - dropped everything and moved or taken great leaps in opposite directions (to the dismay of many). But I realise now that what had changed, what had spurred me to these things was not a latent need or want or depression (although that often came with it).
It was an immense change in my philosophy.
My personal philosophy and constant drive for perspective has been the most prevailing subject in my life. But the fundamental -enormity- of changes over the last 5 years has developed and moved drastically from my starting pointing.
A child of science (and always returning to it) but animistic in belief, ‘Zaoist’ (Zen and Taoist) in philosophical tendencies and shamanic in practice. This through a journey along Jung, Freud, Plato, Descarte, Heidigger, to the Middle-Eastern dogmas, South-American spiritualism, Australian animism and of course - Asia, Buddhism,Jainism, Hindu believes, Chan/Zen, Shintoism and Bushido.
So am I an ADD riddled weirdo, who can’t sit still and flit from place to place? Or merely following the change in what I consider to be most important thing to me, that which surrounds my every moment?
Conclusion:
Both. Its definitely both.
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Melodic Noise Makings: Yoshida Brothers - Ibuki
