I’m glad I got to experience the experiences that I experienced. They left scars and heartaches behind but I am who I am because of it. All of the colours added to my life that is indeed a masterpiece. Pure flesh-tearing art. I suffer for the beauty. Art indeed.
We’ve started an awesome new project which we’ve appropriately called - A Crazy Love Story (ACLS). The purpose of ACLS is to provide a place for people to share their own unique and amazing love stories they share with God. It is our hope that these stories inspire you & others and help everyone see God in a whole new way.
Have a story that you’d like to share with us? Visit our website (by clicking on the image) to submit your story. We can’t wait to receive your story and share it with the world.
Spread the news and share the stories and this amazing movement with your friends and family. Tag #acrazylovestory if you have any related stories and experiences that you’d love for us to see.
it really used to be that if you wanted music you had to learn how to make it yourself. if you wanted art you had to learn how to make it to yourself. no i don’t think a redbull or anything would kill a peasant from the middle ages because they were snorting black mold but i think an art museum would bring them to their knees
A journal of one of the first openly non-binary people to get phalloplasty without vaginectomy. OP also was not on T and had not gotten top surgery (search HRT to see this info). While OP will no longer be updating the blog, the information is invaluable!
recently i’ve seen a lot of people being like “i used to identify as asexual, but then i realised i just had a lot of repression/internalised homophobia/body image issues, and once i had sorted through that, i no longer identified as asexual.”
which is, like, fine. or not fine,but it’s understandable.
exceptthey then go on to say, “THEREFORE asexuality is a harmful and #problematic orientation because it allows people to justify their repression and avoid facing up to their Real Problems bluh bluh something bluh.”
and that’s where i start to be like. uhhh. you do know an identity is not inherently flawed just because it no longer fits you, right? for example - i used to identify as bi because of compulsory heterosexuality. i was scared to face the fact that i was not even remotely into men, so i called myself bi because it was easier. does that make bisexuality a flawed identity? if a trans man initially identifies as a butch lesbian due to internalised transphobia, does that make butch lesbians “problematic”? no offence but could you people please, please think critically for once in your lives, i’m begging you
I can’t tell you how many times I have had a stranger e-mail me or comment on one of my videos to tell me that asexuality itself, and the activism I help promote, is inherently problematic because it was what they used as a cover when they weren’t in touch with themselves (or they simply made a mistake).
Somewhat recently I had an “ex asexual” write me an absolutely awful, very long message about how aces are socially repressed and he used to be one of them, and how people like me have personally contributed to harming them becausewe make them think they’re okay when they had so much work to do to find their real selves.
Do you know what the opposite of that looks like?
Asexual people being finally freed to be themselves because they have a word for who they are and an understanding for why it never felt right.
Asexual people finally having resources to leave abusive relationships or speak up for their own desires (or lack thereof) in relationships.
Asexual people who learn they don’t have to buy into the toxic messages society has been sending them since birth about what they need to desire to be okay, to be happy, to be fulfilled, and how horribly stunted and In Need Of Help they are if they “suffer” from “lack of libido” or whatever someone uninformed thinks asexuality is today.
Do you know how many people have pretended to be straight (or thought they were straight) because they either didn’t have the resources/support to admit otherwise or truly did not knowit was an option to be otherwise? There are many ways compulsory heterosexuality actually is toxic and we somehow don’t have our mainstream culture side-eyeing heterosexuals for influencing The Youth to buy into the lie that they are straight.
As the OP says, identities are not in themselves problematic. They don’t start being dangerous because someone who once used that identity later decided it didn’t fit them.
What we actually need to do is create/facilitate places and spaces where people aren’t shamed for exploring identity and won’t feel like they failed or “were tricked” if they either realize an identity was never true for them or they realize it isn’t true anymore (or that something else is truer).
It’s okay to identify as asexual on your way to understanding yourself, and to be wrong. We’re not going to send a mob out to find you and blame you for destroying our legitimacy. Labels are what we use to communicate with each other and tell each other who we are. If we realize the words are doing us a disservice, we change how we speak. It’s okay. But don’t you DARE tell asexual people that their awareness activism is hurting people because we want everyone to know it’s an option (and we want people to know what our experience is like).
It is horribly damaging to spread the lie that asexuality is more likely to be a phase that stunts people than it is to ever be the “final” label a person uses. If you found out it was wrong for you, you need to still support asexual people, and you need to use your time in the community as insight into how society treats them. You still need to make space for THEM to have THEIR journeys, and you do NOT have the right to present our community as harmful to yours because you tripped over us on your way to your true self.
Everyone can keep exploring who they are and trying on identity labels if they’re still unsatisfied. The nametags you leave on the floor are not to blame for distracting you from the ones you want pinned to your jacket. And if you won’t ever consider whether people who came to the same conclusion you did might be wrong, while you assume everyone calling themselves asexual is still looking for a “real” answer … we see who you are. We see that you’re weaponizing identity and centering your own experience in the lives of others. We see that you’re using the status quo to control and shame marginalized people. And we see that you can’t imagine asexuality except as a disorder. If you say things like this and spread these messages, know that you are just as bad as every authority who ever “diagnosed” other non-straight and non-cis identities with disorders, and know that you are making it easier for bigots to come for everyone else.
We all know the push at the start of last year. We wanted to be recognized. We wanted to be talked about. We wanted to be taken seriously. We helped change the popular definition of aromantic to be “little to no romantic attraction” to include more people. But at the beginning of last year, there was another push. A push to push aros who have romantic attraction out of their labels.
It started off pretty small. Individuals getting sick and tired of “aros and arospecs” but getting told they were using arospec wrong when they claimed this identity for themselves. “Arospec is for anyone who is on the aromantic spectrum! Including aromantic people!” Then why are you calling us that. Then why are you using it to distance us from your community.
I am using that word because you called us that, to make us seem like we aren’t one of you. You gave us a label, thank you. But also, fuck you for trying to take it away. I get told again I can’t use it that way. I give up, I have no label, and I feel isolated.
Thanks, aros.
The argument continues. I call myself aro. I get told that the word only means no attraction ever. I get told it’s not my word. It’s not my word. I get told I don’t belong under that identity. I get told to use arospec. I dont want to use arospec, you told me I was using it wrong. I start hearing things you dont realize you are saying.
“Arospec is for the whole community, use that if you want to talk about the community as a whole. You aren’t aro. Don’t call yourself that. Aro is not an umbrella term, and arospec doesn’t mean you. It’s not your word.You have no language. The common language we use to refer to ourselves and you isn’t for you. It’s not yours.You can’t call yourself what we’re calling you, and you can’t use the only word we use to talk about the community.”
Again, I have no label, I feel isolated. But this time, I get angry. I get PISSED. I stand my ground, and I defend us. I flip the script, aros get pissed, and then… And then. The post. The damn fucking post.
A word lost to discourse: greyromantic. “This is what you are.” This damn post was sent to me every time I talked about being shoved out of the aromantic community. “Look! There is a word for you!” This damn post was sent to me every time I talked about being told my language was wrong. “You can use this word instead! No need to use ours.” This damn post was sent to me any time I brought up the treatment of partnering and sometimes-romo aros. “Why don’t you just use this word instead? See? We’re listening to and supporting you.” This damn post was used again and again and again by people who HAVE NO PLACE to tell me what my identity can be.
This post specifically was used to talk over me. This post was used to silence my voice. OUR voices. This post was used, primarily by aros who have never experienced romantic attraction, primarily by aros who will never fall under this umbrella, to tell me what I am. To tell me what I can and cannot be. To tell me that my language was wrong and I cannot use the language I had been using for myself.
and I won’t fucking use that label.
So what labels do I use? What label do I like? Why do I like them?
I go by romo aro. It was a private word me and my microcommunity had been using this whole time, that by the end I started promoting and making content for. This is my favorite and preferred label, because it can cover anyone who fits outside of the stereotypical aro alignment. Sometimes-romo, romo favorable, partnering, polyaff/polyam, queerplatonic aros, aros who enjoy romo content. and Anyone who would’ve been shoved under that “arospec” umbrella instead of aro. This word is inclusive, this word is radical, and this word can mean me, no matter what that means for me in that moment.
I use this word mostly because it is the only label that no one else forced onto me, and I will never force it onto anyone else. I prefer it because it is, and always has been, mine. I always had a choice, and it never belonged to anyone else. This word is mine, and I will not let anyone take it away from me.
I also use aro. While people kept arguing against me, for I while I just dropped talking about my identity as a romo aro altogether. I went by aro because it was easier and because it can be an umbrella term. The definition started shifting to mean “little to no romantic attraction” and I am forever grateful. This is a word I’ll keep, because no one forced it on me, and because people told me I couldn’t. Using this word was an act of defiance, and using this word was an act of belonging and assimilation. And now people recognize that this word can also belong to me.
And finally… I use arospec. It took me months (and by months i mean about 7 to be able to comfortably use it again) but this word was the first word I identified with. Public perception of this word has shifted, and people recognize that it can mean multiple things. People recognize that arospecs are allowed to talk about their experiences under this label, including how aros have wronged them. Slowly, people are able to recognize that this was a word used for aros to distance us from themselves, and that this was the first word a lot of us had. This word is a good label, and while it started as a reclamation, now it’s solid identity that people can recognize as being separate and different from the umbrella term. And that’s really really good.
I want to say I don’t hate the creator of that post. I don’t hate aros and greyros. But you NEED to start listening to romo aros and arospecs.When we say something is hurting us, people need to believe us and learn to start recognizing damaging language. And there CANNOT be tolerance in the aromantic community for people who will talk over people- especially aromantic minorities. And the aromantic community as a whole HAS to shut down and learn to STOP telling people if their identityandlabelisvalid or not. I HAVE to stop seeing people in my notifications saying that my words are wrong. It HAS to stop. There was a mass exodus of arospecs last year around this time. My whole microcommunity is gone, and a huge portion of the community is missing, with most aros not even noticing. We HAVE to fix things for them. We NEED to make sure that will never happen again. We NEED to make sure that arospecs of all sorts belong.
This community does not have the time or space or numbers to be exclusionary and perpetuating erasure. It’s needs to stop. It’s time to start listening to arospecs. It’s time to start respecting people who have long since been ignored. It’s time the aro community takes a stand with us.
The aro community has grown, but it’s time to start doing more than what passive little it has recently learned to do. It’s time. Grow more. Take a stand.
This is completely right. When I started this blog, there were absolutely no resources for aromantics who weren’t strictly no-attraction. And since then I have seen pushback against aromantics who do.
The most important thing about a label is not what it means to other people. The most important thing is what it means to you. None of us experience life the same way. None of us experience attraction the same way. None of us experience non-attraction the same way. We don’t even experience the things we see and hear and taste the same way, let alone something as complex as the hormones that our brains sent hurtling throughout our circulatory systems.
I am reblogging this in solidarity for people who don’t feel comfortable identifying as grayromantic or arospec rather than just aro. Your journey is your own. Your self belongs to you, and you are not hurting me or anyone else by using a different word to describe yourself. You are not hurting non-attraction aromantics by using the same word. You have my support.
When you’re not attracted to anyone, you’re as ace as can be. You don’t desire anyone, you’re just cruising, chilling being non-attracted. Overall it’s a neutral sort of state that changes a little bit with libido, but nothing big.
But when you’re actually attracted to someone?? Holy hell the desire you feel for that person can be as intense as a thousand raging bulls.
I’ve seen a lot of posts by other asexual people about how they grew up thinking there was something horribly wrong with them, that they had some weird condition that no one else had ever experienced, and then one day they found out about asexuality and breathed a huge sigh of relief. And that’s definitely a story worth telling, but I want to make a post about the opposite experience–that is, assuming you’re “normal” and then having your world knocked off its orbit by the revelation that you’re lowkey probably on the ace spectrum.
See, I love the idea of romance. It was always my favorite part of every book and movie when I was a kid. I daydreamed constantly, and I liked looking at boys, but the desire ended there. When I got older, I thought I wanted sex, because it seemed like the natural extension of the things I liked to daydream about, but I spent very little time actually having sexual thoughts or desires. I “wanted” sex in a vague, distant, hyper-idealized kind of way, and I always just sort of assumed that everyone else felt the same way I did. And for a long time, that idea went unchallenged. When I was in high school, sex was still sort of a taboo, whisper-and-giggle subject for most of my peers, and since no one ever told me exactly what sexual desire was supposed to feel like, I assumed we were feeling the same thing.
But then, when I got to college, all the social barriers against sex were gone. I was surrounded by horny 18-year-olds who had been dropped in the middle of a huge campus where no one cared what they did, where they could do whatever they wanted, and they wanted to fuck. For the first time, I was surrounded by people who were being very straightforward about their sexual desires. I learned that for them, sexual desire was a direct, immediate, physical thing, rather than a vague idea that they thought about sometimes but never felt the need to act on. That was when I first began to suspect that I wasn’t feeling the same things everyone else was feeling. And then, as I started to interrogate that idea further, I realized that I’d never really wanted sex that badly at all–I just thought that sex was necessary to obtain the things I did want (namely, closeness, validation, and acceptance from men).
Realizing that I was on the ace spectrum was not a happy revelation. As dramatic as it sounds, I kind of felt like my life was a lie. I spent my whole life thinking I was “normal,” only to found out I was actually part of a group that comprises about 1% of the global population. My feelings, which I had assumed were universal, were actually borderline incomprehensible to a decent chunk of people–to the point where I have to write a novel-length tumblr post to adequately explain my point of view. It felt like having a rug pulled out from under me.
I’m not really sure where I’m going with this. Finding out that I’m a-spec was a fairly recent development, and I’m still kind of deciding how I feel about it. But if anyone else reads this and relates to it, I hope it made you feel a little better.
Strange/funny/akward/creepy things happening to me at the Meal Center (that’s set up like a restaurant) where I volunteer sometimes
-Some man went “Are you muslim?” And i replied yes and he proceeded to tell me about his muslim friend and asked me if I know her
-A man ate like 10 plates of the meal which was pretty hefty. The funny/awkward part was that I asked him if he wanted dessert like 5 times cuz each time I thought he was done but he kept asking for another meal
-A man came up to me, uncomfortably close, and talked to me about something but I dont even remember what he said because I was only thinking about the fact that he’s too close
-A man came up next to me, literally standing next to me like a foot away, and asked me if it got hot because of my hijab
-This one man suddenly asking me really loudly “Are you Pakistani?!?” And when I nodded yes he turned to the person next to him and said stuff in Spanish. And I could’ve tried to listen and see what he says (I understand some Spanish because of school) but I knew he was talking about me and I didn’t really wanna know what he was saying
-One man I swear I 95% heard say sketchy stuff like “picked the lock”, “the things were in this room”, and “looked through apartments”. The same guy was talking about jails later and why people are in jail
I’ve put this picture up as a representation of our connection to one another.
Our hearts are built with the same tissues and muscles and have the same amount of veins and without our hearts we would not survive.
With our hearts We feel love we feel pain we feel sadness and with our hearts we feel connected .
My point is if we look past the colors of one’s skin and race you will soon realise we are all the same .
We are one
It is important to look past all the negativity and move forward with love and understanding to other’s.
Let’s not forget we have all just gone through covid-19 and all over the world we have remained connected by our experiences and stories that we have shared , how amazing is that !
So let’s move forward in life not backwards in the past and stand together and United to support one another into the future
I’ve put this picture up as a representation of our connection to one another.
Our hearts are built with the same tissues and muscles and have the same amount of veins and without our hearts we would not survive.
With our hearts We feel love we feel pain we feel sadness and with our hearts we feel connected .
My point is if we look past the colors of one’s skin and race you will soon realise we are all the same .
We are one
It is important to look past all the negativity and move forward with love and understanding to other’s.
Let’s not forget we have all just gone through covid-19 and all over the world we have remained connected by our experiences and stories that we have shared , how amazing is that !
So let’s move forward in life not backwards in the past and stand together and United to support one another into the future
Covid -19 has been crazy and truly an experience I and many others will never forget!
Just want to send all my love to everyone who has been affected by covid-19 now and in recent months those who have lost someone due to the virus my thoughts and prayers are with you from wherever you are
This lockdown truly does teach you so many things about life and what you appreciate and what you are grateful for .
I was in isolation at home keeping safe and literally going crazy in recent weeks yes I was going for walks but from having a massive team of people that I was working with to then being in my unit for seven weeks alone with my bird and only seeing my partner at night it was starting to affect me I had good days and day’s where I would be doughting everything, I wanted to share this with you , as this time has been hard for everyone of us but just in different ways .
On Thursday I received a life changing phone call I was told I could come back to work I know many of you would laugh at this , but I say this with my heart I absolutely love the work that I do and was so grateful to receive the news by phone . Saturday was a day i will never forget and one i will appreciate more now than ever before and to tell you the truth I am just so thankful to have a job as I know their are allot of people who do not . The team were engaged and we were all elated to see each other and just to be back at work together I don’t take this likely, as I know how lucky I am and I truly plan to work hard , now more than ever!
I am so grateful for the opportunity to build amazing lasting relationships with my teams and with the people in my work place and am thankful for the time I get to spend with them everyday .
