#lessons
Your brand new episode of Sir Approves is live and waiting for you, Kitten. This episode : What’s wrong with men??!! It’s not often you’ll find me angry, so jump on in to this one. Boys, have a listen. You might learn something.
Maybe you’ll learn a thing or two this time. I’m sorry that you felt the need to take it to this point.
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Know this. If he sees your submission as anything less than a treasure, you do not belong with him.
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How many times have I warned you, you little bitch? How many times do you have to learn the same fucking thing? I promise you, this is the last time that we’ll be discussing this.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpGQNzAJq3NllTMrHw-osMQ
Join me on YouTube tonight for another episode of Sir Approves. Undressing your mind. One thought at a time.
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Lessons from Daddy:
How to stay “Daddy” when your boy is the top.
This lesson is simple, in my opinion, because it has more to do with a misconception about power being balanced in favor of the top rather than the bottom. Being in ‘control’ does not mean being active nor does being submissive mean being passive. A lot of these issues get mixed up together because there are some really toxic images of ‘being a man’, where you fuck, get blown, and are this borderline (or worse) neglectful or abusive person. In this situation none of these things are appropriate. A Daddy is a role, as a son is a role, one both choose to take and help to mutually define together. It “normally” (read: in common understanding) means that the Daddy is older, and the son younger, that Daddy is fully Dominant and the son is fully submissive, but those things are ENTIRELY negotiable as there are mixed age couples where the roles are not in that way (the younger is the ‘dominant’ partner and the older is the submissive) and many switch or reversed roles from the ‘standard’ idea of what a Dad/son relationship is. There are too many variations to cover, but all of them are valid so long as they are mutual in nature and shared maturely together. If you are a Daddy who is at least versatile, if not fully a bottom, and find it hard to feel like a “Daddy” in that position so to speak, then there are a few things you can do to change that.1: Stay in control.
This means being active, not passive, while bottoming for your son. You can do this by using positions where you maintain control over the action yourself, or if that isn’t possible, you use verbal cues and guidance to keep that control element. It is truly not difficult to be in control as a bottom, no more difficult than as a top. You need self control, clear communication and a steady hand in guiding his efforts and his learning. Daddy is the mentor teaching his boy. The rest is all variations of flavor when it comes to how Dominant and submissive you are to each other. If you are a sub daddy these things won’t’ normally apply to you but as a boy is generally less experienced he will still need to learn proper skill and that may mean setting standard ‘roles’ a side in part for both of you so he can improve and become a great top.
2: Teach him how to do it.
That means teaching self control while demonstrating it yourself, in both your tempo and muscle control keeping the action hot but making it last. Talk him through the process the first time, remind him in later encounters and use your own skill to be the best bottom for your boy while teaching HIM to be the best top for you. Show him the spectrum from passive bottom to active bottom and teach him what cues to pay attention for to know that he’s on target without being told. Through teaching you keep that “Daddy-ness” that’s part of what he craves. Use of cues and, in general, relying on that level of obedience he has to tell him to stop, control his tempo and properly guide him from being an amateur to a master in the art of fucking his Daddy. The goal is to help him reach a level of skill and understanding that means you can relax and let him do the work as you’ve taught him to just like any other sexual activity. Remember your Role and help him maintain his role while being able be yourselves sexually.
A lot of boys learn from porn, and porn is a BAD teacher when it comes to learning how to top. Porn sex is often violent, aggressive and careless, and while that can be exciting LATER on during sex, it shouldn’t start that way as its disrespectful to the bottom in the situation. Teach him to be patient, to control his movements, to go slow when you tell him, fast when you tell him, and most of all to stay still when you say. Sometimes the best way is to show him, but if he is willing to learn you can easily teach him to be the greatest kind of top: the kind who knows how to please his bottom (especially when its his daddy).
3: Knowing what positions to use.
This is another area of training for a boy and so the choices of position should remain with Daddy initially. It’s still your job to teach him self control and the skills you know a good top should have. Wild abandon is great, but your son needs to become an expert top and that means everything from rimming, to fingering to choosing the right position to have sex in. It’s very important to demonstrate various positions and explain why and how they feel how they do but equally important is how useful thy are to a top. Some positions are far better for fingering and rimming than for penetration and vice versa. Good positions can be used for all three, but being caught in a rut where only one position is used leads to boredom and that’s never good.
It’s also important to teach him HOW to change position when he needs to and when his bottom needs to. Once he’s learned the value of different positions for his pleasure and his Daddy’s then when you are comfortable with his skill, patience and self control you will want to let him take the lead in choices to help him establish greater confidence in his skill as a top but don’t forget you can use verbal and touch based cues to keep control of the action, even when he is doing it all himself.He’s your boy so your reinforcement and expressed pleasure are important to his own.
Closing thoughts:
The thing about this idea, that of the bottom daddy, is that it confuses issues, mixes up all kinds of machismo and masculine ideas up and in general wind up limiting potential pleasure that can be shared between a Daddy and his boy. The best thing you can do is talk about things together, unplug the bullshit that makes you 'less a man’ for bottoming, and accept that being a man is exactly why you two are fucking one another. If you want to internalize homophobia and turn your life into a toxic mess of misplaced ideals, go right ahead, but it won’t help you ever have a good sex life, just a short one. If you are in bed with a man, you are in bed with that man for a reason, namely that you want to have sex with him. If he is going to get fucked by you, respect that he has chosen to, and don’t confuse being a man with being on top, because that is not the case. “Man” is an image, male is a gender, bottom is a position and Daddy is a role. They can all coincide without being reduced down into little boxes. As a Daddy who bottoms for his boy when the need arises, I know full well how to stay 'Daddy’ while my boy is on 'top’.
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Learning To Leave [detail]- Cynthia Sheppard
[Letter to a devout, practicing Jew mother on how to raise her son who “believes in science”]
Of course in a free country, within limits, you can raise your children how you please, on whatever belief system you choose. For this reason, most people in the world who are religious, practice the religion of their parents. For example, the chances of Christians raising a child who later becomes Muslim, or a Muslim family raising a child who later becomes Jewish are extremely rare. The children will be more likely to grow up believing in no Gods than in the Gods of other religions.
So the urge to raise your son as a devout, practicing Jew, being one yourself, is entirely normal and natural. But of course you have, at most, only 18 years of direct influence on him. Your son will spend more than eighty percent of his life under a different roof than you.
From what I have seen and encountered, Judaism manifests across a huge range of practices - from emboldened Jews who enthusiastically eat bacon to the various sects of Orthodox Jews who, among other practices, maintain separate kitchen utensils for dairy and for meat. As a scientist, I have much more experience with atheist Jews. They do not view the Torah as the word of God. They see it as a book of stories - not to be judged for their truth or falsehood, but as a repository of insights from which wisdom for living one’s life can be derived.
Think about it - when we read fairy tales, we are not judging them for whether they are true or not. Instead, we fold lessons derived from them into our world views. Not only this, atheist Jews will commonly celebrate the high holidays with no less ritual than practicing Jews, right on down to leaving an open seat the Seder table for Elijah, and making sure the front door is unlocked, so he can just walk right in if he happens to show up.
Why would an atheist Jew do this? The answer is not hard. Rituals and traditions account for some of the strongest binding forces among peoples of the world. Attending Mass on Sundays for Catholics. Prayer five times per day for Muslims. Ancestor worship for the Animist religions. One can participate without judging whether the events that established the ritual have any literal truth at all. The participation creates a sense of community. which has almost always contributed value to civilization. It disrupts civilization only when people require that others share their particular rituals, with threat of force to achieve it.
Being on the spectrum and liking science as he does, your best bet might be to not enforce the literalism of anything religious, but to keep him plugged into the beautiful traditions of the religion, and emphasize the value of ritual as a seed and taproot of community. Often that alone represents the greatest challenge when raising autistic children - getting them to embrace the value of love and compassion for people and for relationships.
Rest assured that you can raise a wholesome, intelligent, law-abiding child without requiring he believe that Moses turned a staff into a snake, or that manna fell from heaven.
Good luck. In my experience, it takes some of that too.
- Neil deGrasse Tyson in ‘Letters from an Astrophysicist’
BEFORE YOU FLIP TABLES
Yesterday was the perfect example of a bad day for me. It was one of those days where nothing just seems to work, you forget everything, you lose stuff, everything goes out of hand, and just as you thought the day couldn’t possibly get worse, something else comes up. Let’s not go into details, suffice it to say the day was just horrendous.
I did, however try my best to stay positive. Told my friend Jaido who was with me that day everything that happened since morning. After hearing me rant about my miserable Sunday, she suddenly lit up- which definitely was a strange reflex. Uhm, hello, why are you happy over my suffering? Her answer was life-changing. She answered, “because your suffering means better things are coming!!!”
That positivity was so admirable MashaAllah. Her words instantly made me feel better. It was somewhat magical because I could have sworn I felt like trash two seconds before. The amount of faith she has for God is so profound. Another lesson I learnt that day was, sometimes we focus too much on the problem, we become somewhat blind towards the blessings existing concurrently. Allah says in the Quran, with hardship comes ease. WITH and not AFTER. SubhanAllah, Jaido was definitely a blessing. She was simply heaven-sent. I’m so fortunate to have such optimistic friends who knows just the right things to say when I’m at my lowest.
When He removes something in your possession it is only in order to empty your hands for an even greater gift. - Ibn Qayyim
So if you’re having one of those days, remember, BETTER THINGS ARE COMING!
*cues “Jason Mraz - Life is Wonderful” in the background*
Love, light and laughter,
Aisyah Shakirah
(Shots taken that very day at Masjid Wilayah by @atiq259 on instagram)
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We spent a few minutes combing through a curious scrapbook in the papers of Braxton Craven (considered Duke’s second president, he led the institution from 1842 to 1863 and then from 1866 to 1882).
It contains sentimental and moralizing love stories clipped from newspapers and magazines. Many of the stories are accompanied by handwritten summaries of their key lessons–and here are some of the best ones for your edification. (You’re welcome.)
Lest you think that this guy doesn’t look susceptible to this sort of story, let me remind you that one of his claims to fame is as the author of “Naomi Wise: Or, The Wrongs of a Beautiful Girl,” the story of a Randolph County, NC murder that became the basis for the oldest known American murder ballad.
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