When people describe the traits they want in a partner, honesty usually comes in near the top of the list. However, despite the fact that we say we want partners who will always tell us the truth, many of us hide things in our relationships—especially things pertaining to our previous sex lives.
So how many people are keeping sex secrets? What are they hiding? And why do they keep this information from their partners?
A new study published in the journal Sexuality & Culture sought to find out. Researchers surveyed 195 college students about their sexual secrets. Participants completed a 39-item online survey about the number and type of sexual secrets they were holding, their reasons for hiding this information, and their previous experiences disclosing those secrets.
It turned out that more than one-third of participants (36%) said they held at least one sex secret in their current or most recent romantic relationship. However, more than half (55%) said they had revealed a sex secret to a partner at some point in the past.
Participants reported having secrets about a wide range of things; however, the types of secrets people held differed based on their gender. For women, the most common things they hid from their partners were: 1) history of sexual victimization, 2) having emotionally cheated on a significant other, 3) interest in BDSM, 4) pornography use, and 5) enjoyment of sex toys.
For men, the most common things they hid included: 1) pornography use, 2) having previously had a threesome, and 3) having emotionally cheated on a significant other.
Men’s and women’s reasons for keeping sex secrets also differed. Specifically, women were more likely to report keeping secrets because they felt their partners would not understand; by contrast, men were more likely to keep secrets because they felt their partner would disapprove of their behavior. Given that men and women tended to hold different kinds of secrets, it makes sense that their motivations for hiding that information would differ.
Other reasons for keeping sex secrets included fearing that their partner would divulge the secret to others, being ashamed, and worrying that it would end the relationship.
When secrets were disclosed, this happened most commonly via a face-to-face discussion, followed by disclosure over phone/text message. However, some participants reported that their secrets were disclosed by others (including friends, family members, and exes), that they surfaced on social media, or were accidentally discovered while going through their partner’s things.
For the most part, people reported positive experiences when disclosing sex secrets, with many saying that their partner appreciated the disclosure and that they personally felt relieved. Although less common, some did report experiencing partner disapproval, feeling regret, and/or experiencing a breakup as a result.
Of course, these findings are limited in the sense that only US college students were studied. It is possible (and likely) that the kinds of sex secrets people hold (and their reasons for holding them) may change with age and vary across cultural contexts.
That said, these findings suggest that it is not uncommon for people to keep sexual secrets in their relationships and that there are myriad reasons for holding certain information back. However, the fact that people reported more positive than negative experiences sharing their secrets suggests that there is often benefit and value in being honest about one’s sexual past.
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To learn more about this research, see: Fox, K., Ashley, A. M., Ritter, L. J., Martin, T., & Knox, D. (2021). Gender Differences in Sex Secret Disclosure to a Romantic Partner. Sexuality & Culture.
Ya know, we have a very unstable act going on here. How many times have you read a story about a hero, only to read in the book or watch in the movie as the hero has no skill or ability? How often is there a background story of the hero leading an army, only to find that it was more like a small group that the hero had no part of.
Stories don’t know how to describe someone gathering people, taking control, and leading. If at best the hero is a figure head.
So I’m going to explain how this works as best I can. We are a group of well trained entities, creatures, people, monsters, gifted, cursed, aliens, ancients, people. Our mission is to protect the majority of this planet’s human population from extinction and enslavement. We use any means necessary. If we need to kill 49 percent of the human population in order to save 51 percent of the world, then we will obviously deplete the world’s nuclear reserve before making that choice. We fight everything and anything. When we run, it’s to come back with something stronger.
We are not funded by any government or official group. There are individuals that are paid to gather various items that are either magical or not that create valuable resources that we use to trade for money in any country we see fit. We have humans immune to psychic powers that meet with various psychics to complete transactions. These basically come down to changing the opinions of politicians and law enforcement, or to even creating mass illusions that hide things that should remain hidden. We also manipulate memories, much of what you know of the world has only become recent. Mountains are only a few decades old, countries only recently formed, monsters were integrated into normal human society as animals only recently. Ask yourself … has the moon always looked like that? When did so many sodas come out? Why can’t I stop eating this food?
We give you thoughts and feelings in order to help divert your fears. Memories of a nuclear holocaust that nearly wiped out Canada. A brother or sister whom died when your home town was invaded by vampires. A scar or bruise that you now have but can’t remember the zombie that almost killed you last night. The monster in your window at night, staring at you, but the local telepath is sending out waves of soothing feelings in order to make you forget. Why do you think you just suddenly get scared? What did you see, but want to forget. There’s a reason why that episode of Doctor Who is so popular.
What doesn’t require the reaction of a heavily armed and well trained group can be taken care of by associate groups affiliated with us. We can’t be every where, but we can send resources where they need to go. These contacts took years to develope, and it took the near destruction of the planet for the people before me to cut all the red tape.
I have inherited the keys to a lot of jobs and missions from many organizations and groups. Most had no choice, but all of them were desperate for someone unaffected by the recent attack by Kain. I never really described what he did … but it was incredible destruction, that was thankfully kept inside of the wilds of Russia, so no casualties outside of the groups that stood against him. So now you know what it is that we do.
Hopefully you can forgive us for what we do. But it needs to be done.
-There are stray cats everywhere. Their screams sound a lot like children.
- The vines are dragging the buildings back into the earth.
- The only radio stations that come in clear are rap and country, and occasionally polka on Sundays.
- Church bells ring, but every church is empty.
- Chip bags and leaves skitter across the empty street. No wind blows.
- The fountain in the town square broke in 2005. People still throw pennies in. No one dares take any out.
- The train yard is closed down, with train cars abandoned, motionless on the tracks. You still hear the train whistle, but only on rainy nights.
-The feeling of a gray sky is always there, trapped in the shadows of buildings, even on sunny days.
- Hollow factories with boarded windows and broken glass. It’s too cold for spiders, but something is crawling on the wall.
- Stop signs with bullet holes.
- Everything is gray, red and brown, with the only color coming from the occasional orange traffic cone.
- You see your own items for sale in an antique store. You’re not sure how they got there, but decide against buying them back. Their secrets are someone else’s problem now.
- Faded billboards from when bread was 10 cents.
- Fireworks get set off in backyards without warning, regardless of time of year. You hope that it’s fireworks, but lock your door anyways.
- Victorian houses with a junkyard of faded toys in the backyard.
- The only ones who walk the street are groups of teenagers and senior citizens. If you ask them for help they are the nicest people, but if they approach you first, run. You are about to be involved in a horrible experience.
- There is that one lake where the police always go to look for discarded weapons and bodies. They always find something.
- There is a couch in the middle of the woods. Somebody was sitting there not too long ago, and they won’t be happy to see you when they come back.
- Lots of sirens, but no police cars.
- The man with the briefcase is more dangerous than the kid with a gun.
- Downtown’s Christmas decorations stay up all year long. Nobody wants to put forth the effort of taking them down.
- It’s 2 a.m. You think you are the only one awake. You gaze out the window into the street filled with houses and quiet cars. The streetlight flickers. A raccoon walks down the middle of the road. It minds it’s own business, you mind yours.
- Your neighbors house got torn down. You didn’t notice.
![State Champs - Secrets [X]](https://64.media.tumblr.com/6c6e0fd4f4bc001eeeebb3f0bfbdb8c2/tumblr_o8zeg3ck3E1td61cdo1_1280.png "State Champs - Secrets [X]")
