#self-trust
So about 2 months ago I had set myself a challenge: not to ask for any advice for the entirety of a month (June). So what did I learn:
- That asking for confirmation of my choices has become so automatic, I sometimes barely notice I’m doing it.
- That I use asking advice as a way to hear my own thoughts out loud and thus to get more perspective.
- That mostly I know what I truly want and it’s fear that stops me from making the choice, not my inability to choose.
At the beginning I caught myself a few times asking for advice and completely forgetting about the challenge. As the month went on, I became more aware and forced myself to make my decisions alone. This mostly ended up in me making the choice I was going to make anyway, just without another’s reassurance.
Towards the end of the month however, I noticed that I was becoming annoyed with the challenge. Sometimes I didn’t see the value in making a decision on my own, especially as some big life shifts were happening. For example, I had signed up for an apartment and suddenly received an e-mail inviting me for a viewing (at this time I was living with my mom). As soon as I stepped through the door, I knew I wanted the house. It just had an amazing energy and it was beautiful. Even though I already knew I was going to say yes to the house I still consulted my parents and my sister, it seemed like the mature thing to do. This was about a week before the end of the challenge and I figured I had tried it enough (to be honest I was getting frustrated with the challenge).
The challenge also showed me that I have a subconscious belief that asking for help means I am being responsible, because I am considering all the options. Which in a way is true, it’s like when I needed a new printer and I made sure to do my research before picking one (this might have been 3 days of nonstop researching XD). In the end though I picked the best price/quality combination and felt like I had made the best choice available. Obviously though research doesn’t apply to all areas of life. Sometimes we need to dive in, experience and learn on our own. Learn our own truth. Because with matters of the heart and when dealing with people we are never going to find a one size fits all approach.
In conclusion I would say that I definitely ask for less advice now, I am learning to trust myself more, but at times I do find it valuable to see from another’s perspective. I believe that as long as we are moving towards more self-trust, asking for different perspectives can be helpful. However we must keep our true desire in mind as we are looking from other’s perspective, we should be careful not to lose our own voice. The advice should lead us to choices we feel in our heart to be right.
“Don’t listen to people who tell you what to do. Listen to people who encourage you to do what you know in your heart is right.”
It’s a process like all other aspects of growth, being aware and working towards better choices is all we can do. We can’t be perfect and we don’t need to be.
Send me a message and share your experiences with me about making choices and asking advice, I’d love to hear from you!
PS. I said yes to the house and moved out a month later
