Moonlight on the River

Summary:songfic inspired by “Moonlight on the River “by Mac Demarco. November 1981.

Pairing:Sirius Black x Male Reader

Key:(Y/N)- your name, (L/N)- last name

Word Count:1300

⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅

I’d say, see you next time, if I thought there were a next time
Easy conversation, ain’t exactly where we’re at
It’s so strange, deciding, how I feel about you
It ain’t like, I ain’t used, to going on without you
I’m home, with moonlight on the river, saying my goodbyes
I’m home, there’s moonlight on the river, everybody dies
I’m home, with moonlight on the river, saying my goodbyes
I’m home, there’s moonlight on the river, everybody dies

⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅

The cold autumn night nipped at your nose as you searched. You hadn’t seen Sirius in two days and you were getting worried. Remus was resting as it was your turn to search. You felt dumb for letting him leave that night. You weren’t even sure what he was doing, rumors had started that he was the one who did it. It made your head spin as you cast a small warming spell on your hands, it was so cold. 

You reached your door coming back from a fruitless mission to find him, but you noticed a hooded figure waiting at the door. As you got closer you noticed it was Sirius’s sleep deprived face, he looked like he hadn’t slept in the whole 72 hours since he left that morning. Your chest hurt as you approached him, the soft streetlight reflected on his face, stubble sat on his face unshaved, his hair greasy and unkept. It was hard to control yourself, you wanted to scream and shout at him for abandoning you until your voice was lost, yet you wanted to hug and kiss his face softly and cry.

He turned towards you, finally noticing you walking towards. He looked as if he wasn’t there anymore. He wasn’t your Sirius anymore. The man who stood in front of you was a shell of his former self. You almost failed to see the man you knew behind it. It felt too long ago that he was smiling, his hair blowing in the late summer air. 

He was trying to say something to you, but your ears were ringing. You couldn’t focus on the words coming from his lips as you stared at them. He was going on about Wormtail, Prongs, secrets, how little time was left and explosions , but all your mind did was wonder to seeing him holding little Harry in his arms making little paper figures dance in the air. You took a step forward, trying to get a better look at who he had become. Maybe he was always this, you thought to yourself. How could you have not seen it? 

As if it was an open, warm invitation, Sirius also took a step forward, closing the gap between you, his eyes searching for anything in yours. Anything that could make him believe you trusted him. 

“Please don’t come any closer.” You said softly, your voices wavering. Your mind was on an unsteady balance, teetering on the end of caution. You crossed your arms, crawling into yourself. He looked hurt by this. 

“You have to trust me.” He said as if he hadn’t been on the run since that night. He looked guilty enough. He looked terrible. You felt awful inside unable to trust the man who held you so sweetly in his arms not even a week ago. 

“Did you-” You choked out as your eyes burned. It wasn’t really a question and Sirius had no real answer for it either. He just stood in silence, turning his back away from you. He couldn’t bear to look at you. You both knew what this was. You could feel your throat straining as you tried your best to repress a sob. 

“I did something bad. I know.” He admitted guiltily, his eyes failing to meet you. “Something truly awful.” He laughed sadly. His shoulders trembled as he spoke to you. “Something I know you can never forgive me for.” Your eyes widen. 

“Sirius, you’re scaring me.” You replied shakily, taking a step back. His voice ripped through his throat as he spoke like he’d been screaming for days. 

“Please believe I didn’t mean for it to get here.” He cried out desperately. Couldn’t he just leave you out of something for once. Couldn’t he just die with his friends? Why did he have to be here? Now? 

“He was our friend. They were our friends, Sirius.” You were horrified, he killed your friends. You started taking a few steps away from him, he followed the steps until you were backed up against your front door. 

“Please believe me.” He begged you, his eyes lit up by the soft streetlight. His facial expressions were desperate for you to say anything he could cling to. He was scared.

“I don’t know w-what to believe.” Tears were freely falling down your face, your throat burned as you spoke, closing and opening as you sobbed, scared. 

You screamed for Remus, praying he could hear you. Please don’t be asleep, you thought. You had found Sirius and yet now confronted with him. You were scared. You screamed once more trying to get anyone’s attention. Anyone. 

“I’m sorry I did this to you.” He choked out, you looked into his eyes, tears falling down his cheeks. You heard people apparating around you as Sirius graced your memory with one more sad smile. The last sad smile. 

“I love you, (Y/N). I hope you can trust me again one day, my dear.” That last thing he said to you, you screamed bloody murder as he got dragged away from you by aurors, but he just let it happen. 

“Sirius Black was arrested on suspicion of use in black magic and the betrayal leading to murder of one James and Lily Potter who died earlier this week. The Boy who Lived’s location is yet to be revealed if it ever will. Later Sirius Black was found at the residence of his former (Y/N) (L/N) and known lycanthrope Remus Lupin. They-“ Your stomach felt ill as Remus read the paper to you, you couldn’t bring yourself to even look at it yet. 

“Did they have to mention my lycanthropy?” Remus sighed as he read the news. You were still in shock, the cuppa in your hands shaking slightly as you listened. 

“Black will be sent to Azkaban without trial being charged for misuse of magic, an account of conspiracy against the ministry and one account of first degree murder for the case of three victims…” Remus fell silent at the end, closing the pages of news. “It’s not that interesting anyway. That was all they had on him. The rest is about Harry.” 

“Harry…” You said, looking at your uneaten toast. Your stomach curled further thinking about that poor boy. You missed him. You were supposed to have a birthday party today, Sirius’s birthday. Tears started to fall down your face as you stared harder at your toast. His gift was still underneath your bed. It felt trivial to cry over something like this, thinking about your favourite person in a cold cell on his birthday. The person who murdered and betrayed your other favourite people. 

Remus looked like he was barely holding it together either, holding most of himself together trying to help you. You heard a soft tremble of sobs coming from the other side of the breakfast nook. You looked up at him, his head down as tears fell onto the pages of the Daily Prophet. 

“He really can’t stay out of trouble.” He said it as if Sirius got caught sneaking cigarettes into the school again. “On his birthday no less. He’s always been for the drama. That bastard.” Remus looked up to meet your eyes, his face distorted in anger and sadness. You couldn’t help crying too, the walls you both put up came crashing down. 

Remus was suddenly on the floor in front of you, his head in your lap as he cried violently. You pulled his head up to look at you, wiping the tears on his face, bringing yourself down to him as you hugged him. You buried your face in his shoulder, him doing the same as you both cried until you couldn’t do anything, but tremble in each other’s arms. The last two Marauders, left alone together.