Summary:songfic inspired by “Moonlight on the River “by Mac Demarco.November 1981.
Pairing:Sirius Black x Male Reader
Key:(Y/N)- your name, (L/N)- last name
Word Count:1300
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I’d say, see you next time, if I thought there were a next time Easy conversation, ain’t exactly where we’re at It’s so strange, deciding, how I feel about you It ain’t like, I ain’t used, to going on without you I’m home, with moonlight on the river, saying my goodbyes I’m home, there’s moonlight on the river, everybody dies I’m home, with moonlight on the river, saying my goodbyes I’m home, there’s moonlight on the river, everybody dies
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The cold autumn night nipped at your nose as you searched. You hadn’t seen Sirius in two days and you were getting worried. Remus was resting as it was your turn to search. You felt dumb for letting him leave that night. You weren’t even sure what he was doing, rumors had started that he was the one who did it. It made your head spin as you cast a small warming spell on your hands, it was so cold.
You reached your door coming back from a fruitless mission to find him, but you noticed a hooded figure waiting at the door. As you got closer you noticed it was Sirius’s sleep deprived face, he looked like he hadn’t slept in the whole 72 hours since he left that morning. Your chest hurt as you approached him, the soft streetlight reflected on his face, stubble sat on his face unshaved, his hair greasy and unkept. It was hard to control yourself, you wanted to scream and shout at him for abandoning you until your voice was lost, yet you wanted to hug and kiss his face softly and cry.
He turned towards you, finally noticing you walking towards. He looked as if he wasn’t there anymore. He wasn’t your Sirius anymore. The man who stood in front of you was a shell of his former self. You almost failed to see the man you knew behind it. It felt too long ago that he was smiling, his hair blowing in the late summer air.
He was trying to say something to you, but your ears were ringing. You couldn’t focus on the words coming from his lips as you stared at them. He was going on about Wormtail, Prongs, secrets, how little time was left and explosions , but all your mind did was wonder to seeing him holding little Harry in his arms making little paper figures dance in the air. You took a step forward, trying to get a better look at who he had become. Maybe he was always this, you thought to yourself. How could you have not seen it?
As if it was an open, warm invitation, Sirius also took a step forward, closing the gap between you, his eyes searching for anything in yours. Anything that could make him believe you trusted him.
“Please don’t come any closer.” You said softly, your voices wavering. Your mind was on an unsteady balance, teetering on the end of caution. You crossed your arms, crawling into yourself. He looked hurt by this.
“You have to trust me.” He said as if he hadn’t been on the run since that night. He looked guilty enough. He looked terrible. You felt awful inside unable to trust the man who held you so sweetly in his arms not even a week ago.
“Did you-” You choked out as your eyes burned. It wasn’t really a question and Sirius had no real answer for it either. He just stood in silence, turning his back away from you. He couldn’t bear to look at you. You both knew what this was. You could feel your throat straining as you tried your best to repress a sob.
“I did something bad. I know.” He admitted guiltily, his eyes failing to meet you. “Something truly awful.” He laughed sadly. His shoulders trembled as he spoke to you. “Something I know you can never forgive me for.” Your eyes widen.
“Sirius, you’re scaring me.” You replied shakily, taking a step back. His voice ripped through his throat as he spoke like he’d been screaming for days.
“Please believe I didn’t mean for it to get here.” He cried out desperately. Couldn’t he just leave you out of something for once. Couldn’t he just die with his friends? Why did he have to be here? Now?
“He was our friend. They were our friends, Sirius.” You were horrified, he killed your friends. You started taking a few steps away from him, he followed the steps until you were backed up against your front door.
“Please believe me.” He begged you, his eyes lit up by the soft streetlight. His facial expressions were desperate for you to say anything he could cling to. He was scared.
“I don’t know w-what to believe.” Tears were freely falling down your face, your throat burned as you spoke, closing and opening as you sobbed, scared.
You screamed for Remus, praying he could hear you. Please don’t be asleep, you thought. You had found Sirius and yet now confronted with him. You were scared. You screamed once more trying to get anyone’s attention. Anyone.
“I’m sorry I did this to you.” He choked out, you looked into his eyes, tears falling down his cheeks. You heard people apparating around you as Sirius graced your memory with one more sad smile. The last sad smile.
“I love you, (Y/N). I hope you can trust me again one day, my dear.” That last thing he said to you, you screamed bloody murder as he got dragged away from you by aurors, but he just let it happen.
“Sirius Black was arrested on suspicion of use in black magic and the betrayal leading to murder of one James and Lily Potter who died earlier this week. The Boy who Lived’s location is yet to be revealed if it ever will. Later Sirius Black was found at the residence of his former (Y/N) (L/N) and known lycanthrope Remus Lupin. They-“ Your stomach felt ill as Remus read the paper to you, you couldn’t bring yourself to even look at it yet.
“Did they have to mention my lycanthropy?” Remus sighed as he read the news. You were still in shock, the cuppa in your hands shaking slightly as you listened.
“Black will be sent to Azkaban without trial being charged for misuse of magic, an account of conspiracy against the ministry and one account of first degree murder for the case of three victims…” Remus fell silent at the end, closing the pages of news. “It’s not that interesting anyway. That was all they had on him. The rest is about Harry.”
“Harry…” You said, looking at your uneaten toast. Your stomach curled further thinking about that poor boy. You missed him. You were supposed to have a birthday party today, Sirius’s birthday. Tears started to fall down your face as you stared harder at your toast. His gift was still underneath your bed. It felt trivial to cry over something like this, thinking about your favourite person in a cold cell on his birthday. The person who murdered and betrayed your other favourite people.
Remus looked like he was barely holding it together either, holding most of himself together trying to help you. You heard a soft tremble of sobs coming from the other side of the breakfast nook. You looked up at him, his head down as tears fell onto the pages of the Daily Prophet.
“He really can’t stay out of trouble.” He said it as if Sirius got caught sneaking cigarettes into the school again. “On his birthday no less. He’s always been for the drama. That bastard.” Remus looked up to meet your eyes, his face distorted in anger and sadness. You couldn’t help crying too, the walls you both put up came crashing down.
Remus was suddenly on the floor in front of you, his head in your lap as he cried violently. You pulled his head up to look at you, wiping the tears on his face, bringing yourself down to him as you hugged him. You buried your face in his shoulder, him doing the same as you both cried until you couldn’t do anything, but tremble in each other’s arms. The last two Marauders, left alone together.
Every sibling had a counterpart. Whether it be one was nice, and one was mean. Or one was smart, and one was incredibly dumb. Every sibling had their contradiction. Remus and Y/n Lupin were no different in the grand scheme of things, but on the outside, they were different people.
Summary: Maybe once I did believe that you and I were meant to be. But now you’re gone and I finally see, I couldn’t be anymore free.
Sirius Black was a layered misconception.
It was publicly known that Sirius Black was a charming boy with a dazzling smile and a flirtatious rhetoric that swooned all the girls off their asses. It had even swayed you off your feet and into his arms and at the time you had felt like the luckiest person in the world.
It started like all tragic love stories did. The beginning was like a foggy daydream consisting of days spent dancing in the rain, hours tucked away in corners of the hallway and sipping Butterbeer in Hogsmeade in the booth towards the back. He was all smiles and soft kisses. You were living the dream.
“My love for you…” he told you one snowy outing. “Has vastly exceeded the love I feel for myself.”
You had raised your eyebrows with a grin. “Oh, really? I didn’t think that was possible.”
He had chuckled. “Neither did I.”
Perfect.
But it soon transitioned into one of your worst nightmares.
The second phase of the said dream was when things started to escalate. There were no more dates in Hogsmeade, only outings with his friends. Nights you spent with him he’d only fall asleep. Sirius Black had never been a relationship kind of guy and perhaps you didn’t know this but his friends sure did and no warning was given to you about the consequences.
In classes, he would flirt openly with anyone he set his eyes on. That charming smile you once thought was reserved for you was now openly shared and appreciated by all. You’d watch as he’d flirt and his victim would run their fingers along him whenever they could and you’d have to watch in embarrassment as all your classmates watched your boyfriend shamelessly flirt his heart out with someone else.
“Would you quit it?” you told him one morning over breakfast.
“Quit what?” he asked nonchalantly. His eyes wouldn’t meet yours but the cool unreadable expression remained on his face.
You glared at him. “You know what.”
He turned to you with a knowing look in his eyes despite the lie that left his lips. “I assure you I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
His attitude angered you to no end and you were done with his actions. “Well, you better figure it out.”
With that you had gotten up and left him eating lunch with a slightly shocked look on his face.
The final phase of dreaming was waking up. It was quick and startling and it’s only after you wake-up that you no longer hold the vivid feeling of being within a nightmare. Waking up wasn’t easy for you. However, you could pinpoint the exact moment that you woke and it was the day he had skipped your anniversary dinner.
That was the last straw for you.
“We’re done.” you said, serious but simple. The night air was cold when you finally found him on the trail to Hogsmeade, two and a half hours late. “I’m not even going to waste my breath on you.”
“What?” he replied, mouth dropping slightly. “Look I was about to show up!”
“Yeah!” you exhaled. “Two and a half hours late!” you approached him angrily. “You know, I don’t even know why I waited half an hour, let alone an hour, let alone two and a half! I cared about you too much and look where that left me.”
His face scrunched in frustration. “Cared? I still care about you and you still care about me. That’s how relationships work.”
“Well, if you cared you have a real fucked up way of showing it and I’m starting to think you don’t deserve mine.”
You had shouldered past him, the tears now beginning to stream down your face and for what reason you didn’t know. He didn’t deserve your tears but you had loved him once and love left a lingering sting. Sirius Black, despite all his complexities, was someone who had snuck his way into the crevices of your heart only to leave you feeling more empty than whole.
But now he was out of your life.
And Sirius?
Sirius was more heartbroken than anyone imagined. He knew he was an asshole and it was not something he was proud of. But he remembered all those moments with you where you were tucked in his arms or how you would dance to stupid songs about teenagers in love.
No one had ever made him feel like that before.
In all honesty it terrified him more it should. Youterrified him. The way you made him feel was beautiful but it also made him feel scared… stuck. In the beginning he indulged not knowing how deep those little moments would hit him. And then one day he woke up and realized… he was in love with you.
He was in love with your hair and your eyes and the way you said certain words. He loved the way you told him off and whenever you murmured “I love you” because all his life he had never heard someone say that to him before.
And now that person was gone and he was left standing alone in the snow.
“Fuck.” he muttered.
—
It did not take a day to get over someone.
But eventually you moved on. You wouldn’t allow someone to break your heart and ruin your entire life besides that. You came to class the next day with a smile held up on your face and a nice outfit and if the rumor hadn’t spread so quickly around the halls you were sure no one would’ve known Sirius and you were no more.
And that attitude paid off, you met someone new who made you realize you had spent so long believing Sirius had been the one for you. Believing that there was no one else who could possibly mean as much to you as he did. Now you danced with someone who danced in return and continued to do so even when they weren’t feeling up to it. They made your anniversary and reassured you that years more would come.
You gained everything you always wanted.
Sirius lost everything he once had.
—
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Bloody hell, my loves, I think I wrote and rewrote this part about 40 times, but here it is. It’s probably the biggest segue yet, and I truly hope it doesn’t disappoint.
It was around 6,200 words last I checked, for those who want to know, and as always, please let me know what you think! And if I’ve forgotten anyone on the tag list!
James made sure to continue looking decidedly groggy and disinterested as he brushed his teeth.
“Dunno. Ask Moony?”
“I did, he says he doesn’t have it. And Pete doesn’t have it.”
“Well, clearly I don’t either,” James said, turning from the mirror to lift his arms as he stood in front of Sirius wearing nothing but a towel.
Sirius raised an eyebrow. “Don’t think I’d put it past you.”
“To what, clamp it between my arse cheeks? I said I don’t bloody have it.”
“So if I were to look in your trunk…”
“You say that as if I don’t know you already did. And has it occurred to you that Y/N might have it?” James turned back to the sink and began washing his face, still carefully maintaining his air of nonchalance. “She said something about needing to make amends with Evans for last night. Maybe she’s going backhander shopping at Honeydukes.”
That seemed to satisfy Sirius. He popped James lightly on the back of the head before making his way out of the bathroom.
“Prink faster, will you? I’m Marvin.”
“We can’t all roll out of bed looking like Godric’s gift to women. Some of us have to work at it.”
Bloody hell, my loves, I think I wrote and rewrote this part about 40 times, but here it is. It’s probably the biggest segue yet, and I truly hope it doesn’t disappoint.
It was around 6,200 words last I checked, for those who want to know, and as always, please let me know what you think! And if I’ve forgotten anyone on the tag list!
James made sure to continue looking decidedly groggy and disinterested as he brushed his teeth.
“Dunno. Ask Moony?”
“I did, he says he doesn’t have it. And Pete doesn’t have it.”
“Well, clearly I don’t either,” James said, turning from the mirror to lift his arms as he stood in front of Sirius wearing nothing but a towel.
Sirius raised an eyebrow. “Don’t think I’d put it past you.”
“To what, clamp it between my arse cheeks? I said I don’t bloody have it.”
“So if I were to look in your trunk…”
“You say that as if I don’t know you already did. And has it occurred to you that Y/N might have it?” James turned back to the sink and began washing his face, still carefully maintaining his air of nonchalance. “She said something about needing to make amends with Evans for last night. Maybe she’s going backhander shopping at Honeydukes.”
That seemed to satisfy Sirius. He popped James lightly on the back of the head before making his way out of the bathroom.
“Prink faster, will you? I’m Marvin.”
“We can’t all roll out of bed looking like Godric’s gift to women. Some of us have to work at it.”
James towelled off and took a breath. He didn’t like lying to Sirius. But then, he wasn’t technically lying. You did have the map. He just left out the minor detail that you were holding it for him till the weekend so he could use it to spy on Padfoot. He may have neglected to let you in on that detail as well.
Once back in the room, James evaluated the overall mood as he dressed. The mess around Peter’s bed was growing by the minute as he added the contents of his trunk to the floor in search of his left shoe. Remus and Sirius, meanwhile, were laughing about the unfortunate haircut Alice had given Frank that Frank refused to set right for fear of hurting her feelings. James gave his own hair a good tousle and hoped this wasn’t his lot in life now – blokes with girls talking to blokes with girls about other blokes with girls, while he and Pete just wandered around in the background, looking for their left shoes.
“Fuck’s sake, Worms, you’d think we weren’t literally at magic school right now,” Sirius said as Peter raked another pile of parchments, comics and socks out of his trunk. “Accio Peter’s left shoe.”
The shoe in question came flying from behind Peter’s bedside table. Sirius caught it and tossed it to him.
“Now can we please go to breakfast? If someone’s taken all the good scones before I had a chance to take all the good scones, I’m having Fortescue give you all haircuts.”
“If you’ll recall, I warned you this was going to happen. You forgot the second ‘N’ in 'Rennervate’.”
“I do recall.”
“And I told you I wouldn’t help you if you didn’t get it done last night, didn’t I? You need to mention the Shield Charm in that paragraph.”
“You did tell me that.”
“But you never listen, do you? Add a few foreign translations. 'Sersemlet’ in Turkish. 'Desmaius’ in Spanish. 'Stupor’ in German.”
“I absolutely never listen.”
“I’m sorry to be so harsh, but I just hope you’ve learnt a lesson this time,” Lily concluded as you rolled your Charms essay. You hoped you looked properly admonished, since the only thing you’d learnt was that you could always count on Lily to compulsively help you finish your assignments, even while in the midst of telling you she wasn’t helping you finish your assignments.
She sat down on your trunk as you finished packing your bag, and you could practically see your lecture running through her mind. She’d let you off the hook last night with a terse “let’s just get some sleep”, but now she looked every bit the mum about to give her daughter the “birds and bees” talk. Oh, Godric… she wasn’t about to give you the “birds and bees” talk, was she?
You were slightly relieved when she seemed more concerned about your method of exit last night.
“That’s a hundred-foot drop, Y/N.”
“I had a Whizzbee.”
“Which transitioned when from a sweet to a safety device? And I saw what he did with the broom – diving when he knew you weren’t even properly hanging on yet.”
“I’ve done more than my share of Wronski Feints, Lily, we play Quidditch. We’re perfectly comfortable in the air, and–”
“I know you’ve an answer for everything,” she said, cutting you off, “but I just want you to think about something for one second. Really think about it: What would’ve happened if something went wrong and you got hurt?”
“He wouldn’t have let me,” you said simply.
“Do you honestly trust him that much? I know he’d never hurt you on purpose, but you have to admit, he doesn’t tend to think things completely through.”
“Lily, I know you don’t like him, but is it really so awful not to think everything to death? I’ve been doing naught but thinking since term started, and where’s it gotten me? Confused, stressed, attracting hideous amounts of unwanted attention, and extremely bloody sleepy.”
“It’s nothing to do with liking him, it’s to do with understanding him a bit better after yesterday. It would seem he’s being backed into a corner. And as I recently learned you’re all part-time animals, I’m sure you can see where I’m going with that.”
“If you ever find Sirius Black attacking his way out of a corner – boy or dog – it’ll be because he’s pinned his friends behind him and is trying to protect them. That’s one thing it’d actually be great if you could understand about him, Lily. He can be an utterly selfish git, yes. He’ll take all the good scones, he’ll jump all the queues, he’ll buy the last Bad Company shirt in the shop even though he knew how much you wanted it…”
“Still hurts, does it?”
“It will always hurt.” Bloody hell, you’d wanted that shirt. You nearly decided to just end on that note and let Lily go on thinking the worst of the lousy shirt thief.
“Anyway, he’s a git. But when it’s something really important, he’s also the most selfless person I’ve ever known. And yeah, I’d trust him with my life.”
Lily looked you hard in the eyes until you crossed yours. She rolled hers and grabbed her bag off her bed.
“Fair enough. You’ve all made it this far without being expelled or permanently dismembered, and that’s more than I’d have put money on. Ready for some mediocre scones?”
“Just you watch – every one of them’s going to be lemon,” you sighed, joining her on her way to the door. “Oh, and Lily? I’d trust James with my life, too.”
“I wouldn’t trust Potter with my third toe.”
“Oh, well that I wouldn’t do either, he’s got a bit of a foot fetish.”
“And there goes my appetite…”
“More mediocre scones for me then!”
The week was a somewhat dull blur of Quidditch training and Lily demanding you focus on your schoolwork because in case you and the Marauders had forgotten, this was, in fact, an educational institution and not your own personal playground of wayward debauchery.
The Marauders continued forgetting.
Monday’s swearing-chalk stunt was a great success – you’d even caught Lily giggling a few times as Binns floated by, droning on about the Goblin Rebellion of 1752, completely oblivious to the torrent of obscenities his blackboard was unleashing. For an encore, however, they challenged Peeves to see who could come up with the most rude rhymes for “Snape”. Considering it took him a full two days of recitation whilst chasing Severus through the halls before he ran out of limericks, Peeves was the clear victor. But Lily was decidedly less amused by that prank, meaning you, Marlene and Emmeline had to spend all your free time placating her with revision sessions to stop her setting anyone on fire.
Elsewhere, Hogwarts had managed to weave a fascinating tale around you, Remus and Sirius, not a single portion of which was true.
Apparently, you and Sirius had been secretly dating since fourth year. Or had been bethrothed since birth, depending on who was telling the story. But a “volatile relationship between two people who are clearly mad as hatters”, as you overheard one seventh year put it, “well, it was just doomed from the start, wasn’t it?” Lovely. Anyway, all that doom boiled over when Sirius discovered Remus had taken you on a “clandestine” (publicly clandestine?) Hogsmeade jaunt, and your and Sirius’s fight was followed by an all-out brawl between Sirius and Remus in the Marauders’ dorm, which Sirius won. Or Sirius had challenged Remus to a duel, which Sirius won. Or in one particularly interesting version, Sirius had pushed Remus off the Astronomy Tower, which obviously also counted as a win. And now, you were either furious with Sirius, furious with Remus, or furious with them both, and everyone was waiting with bated breath to see what happened next.
The fact the three of you were currently taking your tea with James and Peter with nary a hint of conflict seemed to mean nothing to anyone.
“The thing that gets me is, I lose in every single version of this rumour,” Remus complained, shooting a hand out to snatch the last Bourbon away from Pete. “Not one person at this entire school could come up with a single scenario where I win?”
“Well, you’re clearly quick,” Peter frowned, settling for a Ginger Nut, “so I can’t see you just hanging about and letting Padfoot chuck you off the tower.”
“So… I successfully run away instead?”
“Well? It’s not a loss.”
“I’d win a bloody duel. Y/N, I’d win a duel, right?”
“Nah, you play too fair. Sirius would cheat.”
“Excuse me? You mean I’d be too creative to be limited by the parameters of mundane rules.”
“Six of one. Oh, Remus, don’t look like that. Tell you what, I’ll have Marly start a new rumour. You and Sirius decide how you’d win.”
“He challenges me to a swot-off?”
“How about I challenge you to sodoff?”
“Now, now, Moony, the real issue here isn’t that you’re losing, it’s that I’m winning in such completely uninspired ways. No one wants to lose a boring old dust-up. But what say you to losing a flying motorbike race whilst being pursued by a rogue dragon?”
“I say you’ve finally gone all the way doolally? Flying motorbikes don’t even exist–”
“Yet.”
“Fine, yet, but if we’re to’ve raced them, they sort of need to exist now. Meanwhile, I’ve still lost…”
“There’s an X factor in this version, though. What if you were neck and neck, and then bam, in comes the dragon, and you’re knocked off course as you narrowly dodge the vicious snap of its gaping jaws?”
“See? She gets it.”
“That’s not a comfort. But if that’s the case, then it should be a draw on the grounds of dragon interference.”
“Can I just interject to ask where I am in all of this? As if two of my best mates would be battling over another of my best mates and I wouldn’t be there to referee or provide moral support or witty commentary?”
“You’re where you always are: asleep in the common room,” you smiled at James, and as the lads laughed, you noticed Lily standing a few yards away, looking at the lot of you like you had three heads apiece.
“See you in DADA. Don’t be late,” you said around the last gulp of your tea before moving to intercept Lily. She still wasn’t quite over the Snape (“the oily snake, who shampooed once just by mistake, and his hair turned to mush like a sodden cake”… yeah, you’d had that one stuck in your head for days) incident, and you didn’t need James to lose any more points by saying something Jamesy.
“You really are all absolutely mental.”
“It’s basically a survival technique at this point. What’s going on?”
“I can’t find Marlene anywhere. She has my DADA notes, and I want to get to class early and start on the new chapter. Do you know–”
“Who would actually win a swot-off against Remus? Yes, I think I do.”
“Cute. Do you know where she is?”
“Let me step into this cupboard for a moment and I will.”
“Let you…? How is that going to help?”
“Just wait here and don’t open the door.”
You didn’t know what James was up to this weekend that would require you hiding the map, but you were glad to have it. There was a little errand you’d decided needed running, and as you looked over the names that slowly materialised, you reckoned now might be as good a time as any.
It took you a few minutes to spot Marlene in one of the empty classrooms on the fifth floor. Before you could wonder what she was doing there, you noticed another name quite close to hers: Duane Morgan. Merlin, Marlene. But actually, that might just work. Best of British to them, anyway. You gave the map a quick salute before tapping it with your wand and whispering “mischief managed”.
“She’s in the fifth-floor empty classroom next to the Boris statue,” you told Lily as you exited the cupboard and headed for the main doors. “Knock first and don’t act shocked to see Morgan.”
“Morgan?! Y/N Y/L/N, what did you just do?”
“The less you know, the happier you’ll be!” you called over your shoulder.
It was overcast and windy out, and you buried your face in your robes as a cold gust sent leaves swirling across the grounds. You hadn’t thought much about what you wanted to say, and that was just as well. Saying too much seemed to be what always led to friction when it came to him and the Marauders. The two of you, on the other hand, had maintained an odd sort of respectful civility by keeping your infrequent interactions brief, polite, and to the point.
You rounded a corner and found him sitting with his back against a large stone atop the slope that led down to Hagrid’s hut, using it to block the wind as he read. As you quietly approached, you could make out the dust jacket: The Eagle Has Landed. You’d seen a review in Remus’s copy of the Sunday Times last week. Brand-new Muggle novel about basically good people being forcibly recruited by the Nazis to do something bad. Undoubtedly a gift from Alphard. You hoped beyond hope that Alphard’s influence was taking root in there somewhere amongst the noxious weeds his parents sowed.
“Hello, Regulus.”
In the swift hands of a fellow seeker, the book vanished into his robes, but he relaxed when he saw it was you. He let out a small breath of what you assumed was relief and laid the novel in his lap as he peered up at you.
He didn’t have Sirius’s looks, but he was growing to be striking in his own way. If only he didn’t look so… repressed. Even without that pompous expression he wore whenever he was around his Housemates, he was a bit too pale, a bit too drawn, a bit too dour. Like a plant that had been denied proper sunlight for much too long.
Whereas Sirius had overcome his environment, Regulus was a clear product of it. He simply looked like what he was: an unhappy boy with no true friends, not thriving or having fun or looking forward to life’s adventures but just going through the motions of a rigidly scripted existence. And accustomed to having to hide his few joys from virtually everyone he knew.
His eyes – not grey like his brother’s but a misty blue that put you in mind of a hazy day on the ocean – were slightly wary now. You’d been regarding him a bit too long, and you needed him at ease for this conversation.
“To what do I owe the–”
“Rapturous pleasure of my delightful company?”
A ghost of a smile. So far, so good.
“Before we get to that, it’s helpful to keep a few decoy dust jackets about for when you don’t want people minding your business. Dull titles that have to do with maths and such. Remus and I have plenty; I’ll owl you a few.”
“Really? I’d… that is, that would be greatly appreciated. Thank you,” he said stiffly, but the look on his face gave him away as pleased. Time to get to the point.
“I’ve come to ask a favour. I don’t know what’s expected of you when it comes to your parents, and I’d never pretend to. But if there’s any way you could just play dumb from here on out when it comes to the topic of your brother’s… romantic pursuits, that would also be greatly appreciated.”
You’d expected him to be combative, to tell you to keep your nose out of his family’s affairs. You were surprised, therefore, to see him looking more apologetic than anything.
“I didn’t give them a name, I swear. I honestly thought they’d be glad. He’ll be of age next month. They want something settled, and every time they’ve spoken to him about it, he’s said… well, he…”
Regulus blushed and looked down at his book, so you finished for him. You’d heard Sirius say it often enough, and frankly, it never got less funny.
“He’s said he’d shag his way through the entire East End twice before he wasted a perfectly good ring on the finger of those shop mannequins playing at girls their jumped-up society friends birthed?”
The ghost of a smile took full form this time, and you grinned back.
“Yeah. That. Anyway, I thought they’d be relieved to hear that he seemed to be genuinely interested in someone. But if you’re here, I take it they’re not. So I won’t mention it again. And if they ask, I’ll tell them I’ve heard it didn’t work out. Is this agreeable?”
“It’s agreeable. Merci, Monsieur Noir.”
He smirked at you, and you felt the usual regret. There was still time for Regulus, but it was running out with every expectation he lived up to and every rule Sirius broke.
“Y/N?”
“Oui?”
“I’m not out to get him, you know. He thinks I am. I don’t like the way things are any more than he does, but it’s just the way things are. He has responsibilities. We both do. But… he’s my brother, and I love him,” he said firmly, but his expression was hesitant, as if he had just admitted a shortcoming. “If you could… perhaps not in those exact words, but…”
“I’ll give him your best, Regulus.”
“Please do.”
You turned to walk away but were stopped short by something he’d said.
“Hey, when you say you didn’t give your parents a name… does that mean you have a name to give?”
He seemed genuinely perplexed. “What do you mean?”
“Do you know who it is? The girl Sirius is interested in?”
Regulus looked at you as if unsure whether you were having him on or not. You supposed it was a surprising revelation, him knowing something about Sirius that his best mates didn’t, but you weren’t opposed to finding out this way if you had to. Sirius might have his reasons for keeping this under wraps, but you had no plans to break his trust. You just… needed to know. You needed the peace of mind of knowing that this girl wasn’t the type who might hurt him. He’d been hurt enough.
Unfortunately, Regulus didn’t look like someone about to divulge information.
His face was the picture of pure surprise now; his mouth had even fallen open a bit. He looked, for once, like a regular 13-year-old boy – and sounded like one, too, when he breathed: “You mean you honestly don’t know?”
“I don’t, but just forget I asked. It’s none of mine anyway, really.”
“Well, it’s sort of… wow. Yeah. Best not, actually. It’s not my place.”
Damn.
“No worries at all. Thanks again for the favour, and I’ll send those jackets off tonight. Until our next covert chat!”
You turned back one more time as he stood, fastidiously brushing bits of grass from his robes.
“Take care, alright, Regulus? Also, I’m easy to find. Should you ever need to find someone.”
“You take care as well,” he said quietly, avoiding the overture. As always.
“So despite the great personal risk to my toes, I’ll come up and get it. Just slide it under your door at midnight. That way, we can be sure no one sees you making the handover.”
“This is all extremely Avengers, isn’t it?” you asked, shoving your Quidditch gear into your locker. “Any particular reason?”
“Yes.”
“Git.”
“Aaargh, Y/N, don’t make me feel bad about this. There’s just something I need to check on. The lads don’t know either, and I swear I’ll tell you first if it turns out to be anything important. Deal?”
“Fine. 'You can keep your secret for the present, if you want to be mysterious.’”
“Tolkien!” Remus shouted as he flung the changing-room curtain aside. James laughed. He looked like a magician making a particularly dramatic stage entrance. It was good to see him so at ease.
“So Prongs has a secret?”
“Yes. I’m MI6, undercover. I trust Her Majesty’s Secret Service can rely on your discretion.”
“Git.”
“See?” you gestured. James stuck his tongue out at you and decided it was time for a diversion.
“What’re you up to, Moony? Come down to watch the old ball and chain practice?”
“I always watch practice, you div.”
“Hadn’t occurred to me to ask till now, but tomorrow’s Saturday. Going to Hogsmeade again, are we? Nudge nudge?”
“We’re all going to Hogsmeade together, like normal,” you answered, slinging your bag over your shoulder.
“Yeah,” Remus said, lifting the bag off your arm and onto his own. “Once everyone gets bored of the rumour-mongering, we’ll try another proper date.”
You gave Remus a sunny smile as he held the curtain back for you, and James realised with dawning horror that Remus Lupin was about a mile fucking smoother than him, and he was bloody well gaining on Sirius, for that matter. Never had he thought he’d be looking to the lad who’d come to Hogwarts terrified of his own shadow for lessons on how to impress girls, but he might do well to start taking notes.
The three of you made your way back to the castle together and got cleaned up for an uneventful dinner. Around ten – after several remarks about James’s “power-mad march towards tyranny” – Sirius declared himself exhausted and turned in early. James had run a particularly strenuous practice with just that outcome in mind. Remus’s second-favourite activity behind reading was sleeping, so he wasn’t far behind Pads, and Peter followed the majority, as usual.
There were a few sixth and seventh years still knocking about in the common room at midnight, but they were all focused on their books or conversations, and no one noticed when James slipped up the stairs to the girls’ dormitories. With the map safely beneath his shirt, he headed up to his room. Everyone was asleep, and he undressed quietly before sliding the map under his pillow and climbing into bed.
He’d hoped his tired body would drag him right off to sleep as well, but his brain had other ideas. Was he doing the right thing? Sirius was his best mate, and it stung a bit that he hadn’t talked to him about this relationship. James hadn’t been two minutes separated from the realisation that he fancied Lily before he was regaling Sirius with his plans for their future. He’d naturally assumed it would be the same when Padfoot finally set his sights on a girl. And he’d been blindsided when – in the space of just a few days – he’d gone from preparing for that conversation to be about you to wondering who the hell had turned Sirius’s head so quickly.
He had to know James would keep his confidence. So what was it? Was she a Slytherin? Had he actually developed feelings for one of the snobbish birds his parents had been forcing him to socialise with for years and was too embarrassed to say? Or was he embarrassed of James instead – afraid he’d say something offensive or do something daft? Was this his method of getting over you? Had he resigned himself to an arranged marriage and decided to make the best of a bad situation by snogging his intended at every opportunity?
It took some doing, but James finally quieted his inner monologue and, along with it, the fear that he was planning to follow Pads out of nothing but petty nosiness or wounded feelings. Things had not been going well for Sirius of late, and he was worried about him. All of you were worried about him. It didn’t matter to James who this girl was – so long as she was a good person who was treating Sirius well. Once he knew that for certain, he could relax and let everyone’s love lives fend for themselves.
He closed his eyes as the clock chimed two. Tomorrow was going to be an interesting day.
Breakfast lasted a week. Everyone got ready for six months. The walk to Hogsmeade was a decades-long pilgrimage for bloody butterbeer.
By the time the five of you had settled into a booth at the Broomsticks for lunch, James was convinced he’d be old and grey – but still ridiculously good-looking – before Sirius ever departed for his post-Hogsmeade date tonight. Not even watching a mildly tipsy Evans giggling with Vance, Fortescue and Macdonald a few tables over could cheer him up. Well… maybe it cheered him up a bit.
At least a distraction presented itself when McKinnon walked in with Morgan.
“How long’s that been going on?” Peter asked. McKinnon had spotted you and was trying to pull Morgan back out the door. From the look on her face, James guessed she hadn’t mentioned to you that she was seeing him.
“Not very long, I don’t think,” you answered. Morgan had spotted you as well now and seemed pretty adamant about coming in. That couldn’t be good.
“She didn’t tell you, did she?” Remus asked, having also noticed that Marlene looked as if she’d sooner leap into the fireplace at this point than be here. Morgan signalled for a pair of butterbeers and chose a table directly in your line of sight. That couldn’t be good either.
“No, but there’s no reason to. He wasn’t my boyfriend, we just went on a few dates. Last year, even.”
“Well, someone should tell him that before McKinnon runs out of oxygen,” Sirius said, nodding towards their table. Morgan was almost comically over-snogging the girl, pausing only to occasionally glance over to see if you were watching.
“Godric, poor Marlene,” you sighed. “What an arsehole.”
You turned and exchanged a look with Evans, who seemed to be trying to decide if she should go over and interrupt. Before she could, Sirius’s fingers flicked ever so slightly in Morgan’s direction as he pretended to scratch his nose. Suddenly, one of the butterbeers Rosmerta had just set on the table tipped over, drenching Morgan’s trousers.
He leapt up, cursing his way to the loo, and you and Evans descended on McKinnon, who was on the verge of tears. Once you’d convinced her she’d broken no sacred bonds where you were concerned and Evans had insisted she spend the rest of the trip with the girls, you returned to the table. James watched as you mouthed a quick “thank you” to Sirius, who tried for an innocent expression before giving up and winking at you.
After that, the group split up for the rest of the afternoon. You and Remus disappeared to the music shop, and Peter headed back to Honeydukes to try to chat up some bird he had his eye on. James and Sirius, meanwhile, elected to partake in one of their favourite forms of entertainment: donning the cloak and terrorising third years at the Shrieking Shack.
They’d just successfully sent a group screaming back towards the castle when you and Remus strolled up, large smiles on your faces.
“I thought that one kid was going to faint dead away when you were tugging on his robes,” you laughed as James pulled the cloak off the two of them.
“Just a few more satisfied customers!” Sirius grinned.
“Of some future therapist,” Remus added.
“The onus is on us to keep the 'shriek’ in Shrieking Shack, Moons,” James said, noticing with relief that twilight was finally creeping over the trees. “Do we need to round up Pete?”
“We saw him leaving with those Hufflepuffs,” Moony said, shaking his head.
“Was he using the 'my uncle manages the Rolling Stones’ story again?” James asked, cringing a bit. You bobbed your head.
“You’d think he’d have come up with a new one after he told it to that lass last year whose uncle actually did manage the Rolling Stones,” Sirius mused.
The four of you made your way back, boisterously singing Stones tunes the whole way, and after a quick dinner, Sirius excused himself and was gone. James decided to bide his time and was rewarded for it. Evans’s group returned and joined yours at the Gryffindor table, and – still relaxed by the butterbeer – she included James in her cheerful chattering as if she’d been doing it for years. By the time everyone decided to head up to the tower, he was practically glowing. Maybe he wouldn’t spend his life looking for his left shoe after all.
As the Hall thinned out, you and Remus hung back to congratulate him on not being persona non grata to the object of his affection for once. He told you to go on without him, saying he was going to do a bit of spying on Pete, who still had the Hufflepuff girls on the hook in the first-floor corridor. It wasn’t a lie; he listened in from beneath the cloak until Peter started assuring them he could procure tickets to the Rolling Stones concert of their choice. That boy’s lying was becoming a problem.
James headed back to the ground floor and found a quiet corner wherein he could spread out the map. Taking a deep breath, he whispered the words.
He scrutinised every nook and cranny in the castle, every tucked-away little alcove or dead-end space in a rarely used corridor where two people might sneak off to be alone. And while he discovered quite a few apparent trysts he’d never have predicted, what he didn’t find was Sirius.
He’d developed quite the headache by the time he decided to try the grounds, and that’s when he finally spotted him. In one of the greenhouses. Personally, James found the greenhouses to be more hideously disturbing than romantic at night, but to each his own. He adjusted his glasses and steeled himself to read the name alongside Sirius’s.
Only… there wasn’t one.
Shit, had he missed her? He looked quickly for dots that might have recently entered the castle from outside and found none. James pounded his fist on the floor in frustration. He’d never be able to keep the map away from Sirius for another week. He should’ve just left the Great Hall when Padfoot did, but he’d been too caught up in Evans treating him like a human, and now he’d blown the whole thing.
He was folding the map in defeat and preparing to go up to bed when the penny finally dropped.
Fuck.
He hadn’t missed Mystery Bird; she’d never been there at all. She’d never been anywhere at all because she didn’t bloody exist. Sirius had made her up. To avoid the conversation you were trying to have with him the night of the party. To protect himself after you agreed to a date with Remus. So that you wouldn’t find out he’d stood aside for Moony and would instead think he’d already been interested in another girl.
That stupid fucking and yet still somehow rather impressively selfless idiot.
The main doors appeared to open and close on their own as James took off for the greenhouses. There was a very slim chance he could still be wrong, but the pieces had fallen too perfectly into place. He’d forgotten which greenhouse Sirius had been in amidst the shock of his revelation, but he finally found him in the third, slumped against a stack of potting-compost bags, a half-empty bottle of firewhisky beside him. He was either asleep or unconscious, and James lit his wand in order to examine the ground around him. Only one set of footprints.
“Pads,” James said loudly, and Sirius jolted. He tried for a moment to scramble to his feet but couldn’t find purchase in the dirt. Dropping back against the compost, he raised the bottle of whisky towards James instead before taking a long drink.
“Sirius, what the hell are you doing?”
“Dating.”
“Dating? Well, I must say, this is not at all as advertised, and I have to wonder now why everyone’s so bloody interested in doing it.”
“Was dating. Date’s over.”
“Ah. When did the date end?”
“Five minutes. Just missed her.”
“That’s interesting, because I had the map out five minutes ago–”
“I fucking knew you had the map, you lied to my–”
“I didn’t lie to your anything, Y/N did have the map till last night. So as I was saying, I had the map out five minutes ago, and I couldn’t seem to find a name anywhere in the vicinity of yours.”
“Okay, ten minutes.”
“I had it out ten minutes ago, too.”
“Twenty then, what do I know, I’m drunk, and you did lie. If she had it, then you gave it to her just so you could do this. I can’t believe you–”
“And I can’t believe you. You couldn’t just tell me you’d made it all up? Me?”
“Made what up? So she left before you got the map out, so what, it’s none of your fucking business, James.”
“You made up a girl because you were afraid Y/N was going to tell you she–”
“What does Y/N have to do with anything. She’s with Remus. She belongs with Remus.”
“Did you honestly think I wouldn’t understand? And did you think she wasn’t just as scared as you? It took a lot for her to walk over there that night, Pads, she–”
“I can’t help it if she thought she was… whatever she thought she was. She was wrong, she got it straightened out, and that’s it. And it’s good luck she did, too, because… because I don’t even think of her that way. Never have.”
“Oh, really?”
“Really. She’s a friend, that’s all. A good friend. So just drop it, will you.”
“So it wouldn’t mean anything to you if I were to tell you she–”
“Leave it, for fuck’s sake!!”
“Sirius, she loves you.”
“She doesn’t. She loves Remus.”
“Sirius…”
“I don’t love her.”
“Sirius.”
“Ican’t love her, James…”
His voice broke, and he crumbled. James had seen Sirius cry before over the course of their friendship. But they had always been angry tears. Furiously storming out of the Potters’ fireplace after a row with his parents, defiantly swiping a sleeve over cheeks that were wet with disgust and shame and resentment, not sadness.
James suddenly had a very startling picture of just how terrifyingly powerful love could be as he dropped to his knees and pulled his sobbing friend into his arms. Sirius’s entire body was heaving, and James did his best to hold him steady until it stopped, not having a clue what else to do in that moment. What he did know was that he and Sirius were long overdue for a talk. But not now, and not here.
When Sirius’s misery had given way to the occasional shuddering sigh, James gently helped him to his feet.
“You can’t tell her, Prongs… swear to me you won’t tell her.”
“I won’t tell her, I swear. But mate, you need to tell me what’s going on. Everything that’s going on. And then we’ll go from there. Alright?”
Sirius nodded as James grabbed his upper arm for support, and the two turned to leave before James had a thought.
“Let’s just take this with us, shall we,” he said, bending to grab the liquor bottle. “The last thing I ever want to see in my life is a Venomous Tentacula that’s gone and watered itself with firewhisky.”
There was a pause, and then they both erupted in laughter. The boys were still howling as they staggered into the secret passage behind the ivy and had to stop midway through just to let the mania wear off before they got themselves nicked.
James took in a heavy breath as he pulled off his glasses to wipe his face. Crying, laughing, love, pain, fear, worry, hope… and all in the space of about five minutes.
I’ve been stuck on this part so long, and I finally sussed out that I was vastly overthinking where I wanted it to go next. Soooo I reckoned if I let this part move out of the house and be its own person, the next part might be free to, y'know, move into its old room and get comfy lol
This one is still around 5,000 words on its own, though, so I desperately hope it doesn’t feel like shortchanging. I love every one of you who’s read any part of this, and I promise I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now! Happy belated Halloween, and please feel more than free to keep guiding my scattered self through what I am determined will be my first finished fanfic! <3
“So call me cynical, but I think that was less about making sure you were alright and more about sussing out whether you’ve called bagsy on Remus or Sirius so they can go after the other one,” Marlene said, pulling her hair into a ponytail.
“Well spotted.” Your voice was muffled beneath the pillows you’d piled over your head.
“Come out from there and do your Charms work,” Lily called from her bed.
“My favourite was the third year who asked you to get her a lock of Black’s hair,” Marlene continued cheerfully.
“Or that girl who asked if Lupin had any tattoos,” Emmeline added as she and Marlene descended into a fit of giggles.
“Does Ilvermorny have a student exchange programme?” you wondered aloud.
“I’m not going to help you in the morning if you haven’t done your essay,” Lily warned, meticulously filling out her diary for the week.
You wished you had James’s cloak so you could slip out of the room. Better yet, out of the school. Out into the night and just stop thinking. James was right. You were tired of thinking. And worrying, second-guessing, trying to interpret and predict everyone else’s thoughts and feelings and moods… You knew you needed to listen to Lily, but that was just more thinking you didn’t have the energy to do.
Instead, you remained in your bedclothes cocoon until the girls had settled in, their rustlings eventually replaced by the familiar sounds of the castle at night – the distant creaks and thumps and pops you’d always found strangely calming. You were just about to let them lull you to sleep when you heard a light tapping at the window beside your bed.
It was late for an owl, and you jolted back into alertness, hoping nothing was wrong. The tapping sounded again as you dropped onto the sill and lifted the latch. Pushing the window open, you were met with nothing but inky darkness. You leaned forwards, confused, and were about to poke your head out when Sirius’s face rose suddenly in front of you.
“Candygram!” he grinned, proffering a Fizzing Whizzbee.
You fell back onto one elbow, gasping so hard a shrill wheeze emitted from your throat.
“Holy… what– how are you–?”
Your mind was racing as fast as your heart as you watched him bobbing in mid-air, still holding out the sweet. Not even ten packets of Whizzbees could lift someone that high off the ground.
You sat up as Sirius receded from the window, affording you a full view of him – astride his broomstick. Exhaling slowly as he drifted back to the window, you snatched the sherbet off his open palm.
“As apologies for giving someone a heart attack go, this is lacking.”
“I haven’t begun apologising yet,” he said, abruptly solemn, and the tension left your body so quickly you almost tipped over again. You weren’t angry with him. Maybe you should’ve been. He had acted like a prat, but at the end of the day, the last thing he’d said to you (shouted at you, whatever) was that he wanted you to be happy.
What would make you happy was for him to be happy again.
“Sirius, you don’t need to–”
“I do and shall, but first – fancy a spin?”
He raised his eyebrows at you hopefully, and you smiled.
“Please tell me Black isn’t somehow floating outside our window right now,” Lily’s groggy voice came from across the room.
“You did tell him to keep off the stairs…”
Sirius laughed, and your smile widened at the sound of it.
“Give that a go,” he said, gesturing to the Whizzbee. “I don’t want you trying to drop straight off the edge.”
“Please tell me you’re not about to climb out a window over a hundred feet in the air!” Lily said, her pitch and volume rising with every word.
“Course I’m not, you’re dreaming,” you said clumsily around the large sweet in your mouth, scooting to the edge of the sill and dangling your legs out the window. You felt like you were the one dreaming as your bum suddenly lifted a few inches off the stone beneath you and Sirius took hold of your wrist, smoothly guiding your hovering form across the sheer drop and over to his broom. You put a hand on his shoulder, discarding the Whizzbee and settling lightly onto the broomstick behind him.
The natural thing, of course, would’ve been to wrap your arms around his middle, but you couldn’t seem to make yourself do it, awkwardly clutching the bottom of his T-shirt instead and shifting slightly backwards to widen the gap between you. Sirius swivelled his head, side-eyeing you amusedly, and you looked up, pretending to admire the stars.
That was your first mistake.
Without warning, Sirius dropped the nose of the broom, sending it plummeting into a downward dive. You could’ve sworn you’d screamed, but the corresponding sound never came as all air was ripped from your lungs by the sudden fall. Your stomach, meanwhile, felt like it’d been left on the swiftly retreating windowsill.
Survival instincts shoved inner turmoil out of the way. You flung your arms around him, clamping your hands tightly over his stomach and flattening yourself against his back. Your eyes were watering so that you could barely see, and you sputtered as you tried to extricate strands of Sirius’s wildly flapping hair from your mouth.
At that, he pulled the broomstick out of its dive, levelling off about 15 feet above the ground and pausing there. You could feel his body shaking with silent laughter as you released your grip on him to exasperatedly shove his hair down the back of his shirt. You wanted to call him any number of names, cuff him on the back of the head, kick him in the ankle.
But you found those options all paled in comparison to how much you wanted to wrap your arms around him again and let him go on laughing forever.
He glanced back tentatively, apparently expecting one of the more violent reactions. You gave him your brightest smile instead.
“Thought we were going for a spin?”
Sirius beamed, and your heart leapt at the mirthful glint in his eyes. It had been missing for so long.
“As you wish.”
The broom shot upwards, rocketing high above the castle before Sirius turned abruptly, launching the two of you into a series of loops and barrel rolls that had you shrieking with joy. The waning moon resembled a bouncing ball in the sky as your perspective cycled rapidly between right-side up and upside down, and your head was unquestionably spinning by the time he evened his flight path.
As he flew smoothly but with electrifying speed above the grounds, you relaxed your arms into a comfortable hold around his waist and rested your chin on his shoulder, letting the wind engulf you in the stormy scent of him. He navigated the castle’s turrets in precise figure-eights, made a brief game of taunting the Whomping Willow, and took a few turns around the Quidditch pitch before sailing low over the Black Lake.
Sirius slowed, and you watched as the reflected sky transformed the lake’s surface into a fluid canvas of stars. You were trying quite hard to put out of your mind that this was exactly what you’d imagined doing if the two of you had ever gone on a date when he brought the broom to a halt. He slung his leg over, sitting on the broomstick like a swing, feet dangling over the dark water, and you followed suit. You sat in silence for a moment, watching the occasional ripple send a shiver through the stars, but the silence was loaded and you needed to break it. Being uncomfortable around Sirius was unnatural. And it hurt.
“Know what I love about watching the water move in the lake? It could be the squid, or a grindylow, or even a merperson. But it could also just be a fish. A perfectly boring, non-magical fish. And if it’s just a fish, then I get to be just a girl for a moment. Nothing else.”
“Just a girl… levitating above a lake on a broom.”
You smirked at him, and he nudged you with his shoulder.
“Only winding you up. I know exactly what you mean. If I were just a boy, I’d only have to listen to Walburga’s gaping gob on holidays. She wouldn’t have the option to pop it in the post.”
He snorted humourlessly, and you found yourself modifying your instincts again. In some other time that seemed bizarrely much further away than just a month or so ago, you’d have taken his hand or put your arm around him. As it was, you leant against him lightly, hoping that was encouragement enough for him to go on. He sighed and slid a hand through his hair.
“She threatened me. Again. Which means she’s still invested enough in this parent thing to care what other people think of me. I’ll need to up my ‘blight upon the family legacy’ game. Suggestions?”
“Hmm. You could always join the VSO. Just become even more of a disgustingly worthwhile human being.”
He chuckled quietly, and you waited. Walburga threatening Sirius was old hat. There was something else bothering him.
“Seems as if darling Regulus has also taken to spying for them. I’m sure that’ll earn him a pat on the head and an extra chestnut at Crimbo.”
“What did he tell them?”
You felt him tense and glanced over.
“He’s somehow heard about… well, that there’s… a girl.”
His tone shifted to discomfort as he spoke, and you were having trouble deciding what to make of it. He certainly hadn’t been shy about his love life last night. One thing you did know, however, was that you weren’t prepared to let your lingering feelings for him drive a wedge between you. Even now, just sitting here beside him after a late-night joyride, you felt the full force of how much you’d missed him.
“Rotten little blighter. And why does he care all of a sudden? If you’re the sort to listen to rumours, you’ve gone out with everyone from Marlene to Madam Rosmerta.”
“I started that last one,” Sirius said conspiratorially, leaning forwards to watch your expression. It was something he’d done since first year. Always waiting eagerly to see if you smiled or laughed at his jokes, looking pleased with himself when you did. You didn’t disappoint him, and he kept his eyes fixed on yours as he continued.
“I’m really sorry about last night, Y/N.”
“So am I.”
“You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”
“I was shouting just as loudly as you. Though in fairness, you did win the blowing-things-up contest I wasn’t aware we were having.”
“You were only shouting because I was acting like a complete bellend. And being pissed is no excuse. None. I don’t know what… I just wasn’t…”
He looked out across the lake, blinking in frustration as he tried to find the words he wanted. You didn’t like that it was a struggle. He should be able to talk to you about anything, without a second thought. Including this girl.
“Sirius, I haven’t said that I’m happy for you, and I should’ve done from the very first. Because I am. I’m glad you’ve found someone special. I’m glad you’re having fun. Nobody deserves it more than you.”
“I can think of two people offhand: you and Moony. And I’m happy things went well last night. I swear I am.”
The silence was lighter this time, and after a few moments, Sirius produced his wand, waving it towards the latest ripple in the lake. A few golden sparks drifted over the surface, and as they descended, a small fish jumped out of the water, mistaking them for food. Sirius smiled at you.
“Just a fish,” you smiled back.
“Just a fish. But I’m sorry to have to inform you that you’ll never be just a girl. Not to me.”
In your head, you tumbled off your perch into the lake, where you would live out your days with the merpeople, far away from your feelings. In reality, you tightened your grip on the broomstick to prevent that from happening whilst forcing yourself to maintain eye contact. He was speaking to you as a friend. Just a friend.
“But since there’s something extraordinary about being ordinary around here, let’s make a pact: You can always be just a girl with me, and I can always be just a boy with you?”
You wanted to tell him how very much that simple offer meant to you, but you didn’t trust your voice. You nodded instead, then watched as his momentary calm gave way to something much more troubling. He looked defeated. It was a look you’d never seen on his face before, and it frightened you.
“Tell me,” you said quietly. There was no hesitation this time.
“It’s getting worse. It’s getting so much worse, and I don’t think it’s going to stop. Last summer, it was just locking me in my room for the day, sending me to bed without dinner because of the posters on my wall. I’d give her cheek, she’d do her screaming bit, I’d pop off to Prongs’s for a weekend. But this summer, she didn’t just lock me in my room. She’d put a body-bind on me first. One night, she had Kreacher cast Levicorpus on me, left me hanging in the corner until I was all but unconscious. And bog-standard screaming isn’t good enough anymore – she uses the fucking stinging jinx as exclamation marks.”
You’d gone entirely cold, but you didn’t interrupt. He needed someone to know. A part of you felt like you could literally dissolve into tears, but you didn’t do that either. You needed him to know that you could handle hearing this. Because you had a sinking feeling he was right – it wasn’t going to stop on its own. And if he went silent about it again, you wouldn’t know when it was time to take matters into your own hands and make it stop.
“It feels different in there,” he continued, his voice pensive now. “Tense, heavy, like the entire foul place is waiting for something. Before, they were perfectly chuffed to be shot of me; now, they don’t always let me leave. It’s like they’re trying to… break me. So the question is, why do they need me broken? And how far are they willing to go to–”
He gave you a pleading look.
“You know I’d never do anything to hurt you, right?” he asked suddenly. “Including letting anyone else hurt you.”
“Of course, love,” you said, your voice cracking slightly. You’d only thoughtyour head was spinning before. But of all the emotions assailing you right now, the one missing was surprise. If Peter’s parents were suspect, Sirius’s may as well be lunching with Voldemort at Rules.
“She said that if I took up with any girl they didn’t approve of… well, I didn’t let her finish saying what she’d do, but I can’t really think of a good end to that sentence. So you understand, yeah? You understand why I can’t–”
Why he couldn’t be more open about his relationship. You understood, and you felt more terrible than ever that you’d been avoiding him.
“I don’t care what happens to me. But if something were to happen to someone I care about because they finally realised that would hurt more than anything they could do to me…”
“Sirius, if anyone in your family ever tried to hurt someone you care about, it’d be naught to do with you. You being good is not what makes them bad. These people, these Death Eaters – they want to hurt all of us. Full stop. If we’re not with them, we’re against them, and they don’t need another reason. But don’t you ever forget that there are people who do care what happens to you. Please don’t go through this alone… that hurts me more than anything.”
You could see the moonlight shimmering silver in his eyes, and you knew one blink would send tears spilling down your cheeks as well. Bloody hell, weren’t the two of you smiling just five minutes ago?
“Sirius,” you said with as much solemnity as you could muster. “Let me hate your parents with you.”
He exhaled a relieved laugh as you held out your palm. You might be too namby-pamby to take his hand, but it was different if you left it up to him, right? He looked at your hand for a moment, then slid his beneath it, slowly curling his fingers and yours along with them until your closed hand was wrapped warmly in his.
“Nearly all my secrets,” he said softly. “Safe and sound.”
“Nearly all?” you managed. You felt like your insides had melted.
“Well,” he winked, giving your hand a squeeze before releasing you and swinging his leg back over the broomstick. “A bloke’s got to have a little mystery to him.”
You pulled your leg back over the broom, and when you wrapped your arms around him this time, there was no mistaking it for self-preservation. Pressing your cheek against his shoulder blade, you hugged him as tightly as you could, wishing you knew how to keep him safe. He relaxed against you, resting his left arm on yours as he guided the broom above the forest.
You could tell he was heading for the ruins and caught a faint whiff of wood smoke as he wove through the branches. Behind the crumbling stone structure, a small fire came into view, Remus, James and Peter gathered round it.
“Moony reckoned we all needed to let off a bit of steam,” Sirius said as he came in for a landing, helping you off the broom before propping it against some rubble. “And Prongs reckoned we needed to let it off without firewhisky,” he added, scowling at James as he freed his hair from his shirt.
“Yes, how terribly unreasonable of Prongs, considering we’ve established what a right ray of sunshine you are when you’re on the hard stuff,” James challenged, pointing at a rock onto which Sirius dropped sulkily.
“Knob.”
“Prick.”
“Langer.”
“Cockwomble.”
“Don’t you just love it when the family’s all together?” Remus asked cheerfully.
You grinned as you sat down beside him. He still looked peaky, of course – the usual aftereffects. He was paler than normal, which accentuated the dark circles under his eyes, and he moved slowly and a bit stiffly due to the lingering soreness. But he was in much better spirits than he’d ever been so soon after the moon.
As you studied him, he reached into his jacket and removed the Dairy Milk wrapper, placing it on your knee and watching as you opened it to the sound of James and Sirius’s continued sniping.
“Why, Remus… you’ve saved me exactly one square of chocolate.”
“Thelast square of chocolate! You know how big a sacrifice that is for me.”
“I do. I also know that you know that if I were to pick up that last square of chocolate and even pretend I intended to eat it, you’d start in with the puppy-dog eyes and I’d give it straight back to you.”
“Yes, but it’s the thought that counts,” he smiled, snapping up the chocolate. You gave him a quick peck on the cheek and counted his furious blushing as sufficient payback.
“Just have a fucking butterbeer and shut it!!” James bellowed at Sirius, flinging a bottle at him before turning and offering one to you like a suddenly well-mannered sommelier.
“And for the lady, a charming little vintage and our finest twig.”
You accepted the butterbeer and the stick he also extended.
“I know he’s being stroppy right now, but I’ll not have a hand in beating him.”
“Cheers!” Sirius nodded, raising his already-two-thirds-depleted butterbeer in your direction.
“Nah, we’ve got marshmallows. Loads of them!” Peter said, tossing you a packet. You skewered a few and handed it off to Remus, and the five of you settled into chit-chat as you toasted and ate your treats. You were trying your best to relax and enjoy the moment, but in the back of your mind, you were mulling.
Apart from the blushing, which was just involuntary Remus, there was no awkwardness between the two of you. Not even after last night. So… maybe it was a sign. Perhaps you’d been wrong and what you really needed was a nice, safe, predictable relationship. What was the harm in comfortable? Jumpers, blankets, books, tea… people liked this stuff for a reason, for Godric’s sake. Yes, you’d fancied Sirius, but he didn’t fancy you back, and that was that. The two of you were in a good place again and you were glad of it, but it was high time you gave your full attention to the boy who seemed to want it.
“Marshmallow for your thoughts?”
You plucked a browned marshmallow off Remus’s twig and chewed as the two of you watched James and Sirius attempting to talk Peter into eating a still-flaming one.
“Just tidying my head is all.”
“You and Padfoot alright?”
“We are. I should’ve just ignored him last night. I don’t know why I didn’t.”
“You’re allowed to have your fill every now and then. We can’t get overfond of him; it’ll just go to his head.”
You smiled. “This is lovely, by the way. Thanks for thinking of it.”
“It was actually something you said. Or wrote. That it would all run its course eventually. So it can just run its course now and have done with it instead. And I reckon the forest makes a pretty good course.”
You started to ask what he meant but were interrupted by a yelp of pain from Peter and a cheer from James and Sirius.
“Wormtail, you have got to learn to say no, mate,” Remus sighed, motioning to James, who stood and cleared his throat loudly.
“Firstly, I think a toast to Moony’s health is in order. Normally, he’d still be in hospital right now. Yet here he sits, his furry little problem reduced to a furry little inconvenience.”
“To Remus!” you all cheered, raising your drinks.
He raised his in return, looking around at the four of you.
“And to the best mates a lad could ask for. Never dreamt I’d have friends at all, much less friends who’d be willing to do what you lot have done for me. Thank you.”
That hung in the air for a moment before a loud crash somewhere in the forest sent a startled flock of crows into the night sky.
“Alright, I’ve no interest in being emotional while I’m eaten by an acromantula,” James resumed quickly. “Down to the point, fifth year’s been a bit of a roller coaster up to now, but there’s nothing we can’t handle so long as we stick together. Things are changing, yeah, but we’re an adaptable bunch of miscreants. And on that subject, Y/N, three-quarters of us haven’t yet had the pleasure.”
“Of?” you asked, and you must’ve looked as shocked as you felt because Remus choked on his butterbeer.
“No, no, he doesn’t mean 'of going out with you’. I suggested we come out here tonight to have a good run through the forest. And Sirius is the only one who’s seen your animagus form.”
“Right, so go on then!” James urged excitedly.
“Well I’m not shifting with you wallies just stood here staring at me!”
“We’ll turn round,” Remus said, standing and moving between you and the others. “Turn,” he ordered, and they begrudgingly complied. You took a deep breath and focused, feeling yourself sinking into your form.
You opened your eyes to find yourself staring at Remus’s legs. Extending your long neck, you nipped at the hem of his trousers and he spun, his face positively lighting up at the sight of you. If you weren’t currently a swan, you’d have been grinning from ear to ear; he looked like a child who’d just received his first puppy. As it was, you honked softly as he ran his hand over the feathers on your neck, which prompted the others to turn.
“Blimey, that’s brilliant,” James exhaled as he and Peter also reached out to stroke your feathers. You suddenly felt a bit shy. You didn’t blame them for being interested, of course – you’d been fascinated the first time you saw them shift as well. But unlike them, you weren’t quite accustomed yet to being an animal. Especially not around people.
Sirius had stayed back, watching you, but he stepped forward now.
“Alright, hands off, you all bloody well know she belongs to the Queen,” he said, shooing the lads. You honked a laugh and he shot you a wink that seemed to say he’d somehow sensed your discomfort.
“Off we go?” He tossed a marshmallow into the air, then shifted in time to catch it in his mouth.
“Show-off,” James grumbled as his and Peter’s bodies melted away in opposite directions.
“Looks positively delightful when you lot do it,” Remus grinned. Sirius whined and propped his chin on Remus’s leg. “I wasn’t feeling sorry for myself,” Remus said, ruffling the fur on Padfoot’s head. “Well, except that I wish I could go with, but I’m in no shape to run.”
James snorted and began gesturing backwards with his antlers.
“I’ll be fine here,” Remus insisted.
James raised a back hoof and began hopping about on the other three as he scratched at his side.
“What is it, Prancer? Got ticks, have you?”
As a series of honks, barks and squeaks replaced laughter, James suddenly appeared in the stag’s place. The whole animagus thing really was utterly bizarre.
“Climb on, you berk, I was clearly telling you to climb on my back!”
“Well, forgive me if I’m a bit rusty on my Deer Charades, seeing as it’s been approximately never since I’ve played. And you don’t have to do that, Prongs. I’ll only slow you down.”
“Give me some credit, son, I’m a bloody majestic king of the forest.”
It actually worked like a charm. James was the size of an enormous horse in stag form, and Remus was easily able to hold onto his antlers as the five of you sped through the forest.
You felt freer than you had in ages. You alternated between flying high above the trees – slowly beginning to feel as if you belonged halfway between the sky and the earth as you continued to adjust to your form – and low amidst the others, delighting in simply being young, wild and dissident with your mates. It was at times like this that you always felt you and the Marauders were getting far more out of your time at Hogwarts than the students sleeping safely in the castle.
You eventually made your way back to the ruins, exhausted but decidedly tension-free. The fire was nearly out, and James doused it for good with what was left of the last butterbeer.
“Wait for me by the greenhouses,” Sirius instructed the lads as he hopped back onto his broom, hovering low as he waited for you to say your goodbyes and join him.
“Straight home, madam?” he asked once you were in the air.
“Eh, once around the pitch first, Jeeves.”
He grinned back at you and took off at a lazy pace that made you feel as if you were being rocked to sleep. There were a million things you could have been thinking about at that moment, but in your ultra-relaxed state, one thought in particular popped into your head and subsequently out of your mouth.
“How did you know I was uncomfortable? When they were gathered round me after I shifted?”
“We tend to be on the same wavelength about most things,” he said without hesitation, circling the Slytherin stands. Without exchanging so much as a glance, the two of you drew your wands and fired off spells, yours at the flag on top and his at a green-and-silver banner hanging from the front. You laughed as the flag transformed into a fabric snake, flapping about limply with large Xs where its eyes should be, and the banner suddenly read, “Ssstay ssslimy, Sssnivellus”.
“Case in point!” he gestured. “Anyway, my animagus form’s a bit more socially acceptable than the others. Prongs strays too far in that posh neighbourhood of his and he’s liable to get shot at by some Lord or another’s hunting party. And Wormtail couldn’t exactly go strolling about either without people and cats trying to put an end to him. But man’s best friend is free to jog about where he pleases, so I’ve done a lot of it in Islington. It’s a good way to stay out of the house. And while you get used to it eventually, in the beginning I felt like a fucking idiot every time I got patted on the head and told I was a good boy.”
You buried your face in his shoulder, shaking with laughter at the mental image, and he joined you.
“Now I think on it, I should’ve been flattered. I don’t get that kind of affirmation at home.”
You laughed harder as he rounded the final set of stands and headed back towards the castle.
“You’ll have to come round during holidays, we’ll do a turn around the borough,” he said as he pulled even with your open window. “Black dog and black swan, out on the town.”
“And we won’t lack for snacks, seeing as people will be tossing bread at me whilst they’re patting you,” you added, prompting another fit of laughter.
“What in God’s name are the two of you doing out there?!” Lily’s “past the point of fed up” voice demanded.
“Ah, Gryffindor’s resident killjoy awaits,” Sirius said in his “purposefully too loud” voice, digging about in his robes. “Don’t reckon I envy you going back in there.”
“It was worth it,” you said, leaning forwards to give him a peck on the back of his jaw. You decided to tell yourself you’d imagined it when you felt a shiver go through his body.
He cleared his throat as he turned to hand you another Whizzbee, then held onto your wrist again as you manoeuvred yourself onto the sill. As you dropped the Whizzbee, he pressed a quick peck of his own to your hand.
“Don’t get too close to the edge!” he called as he turned the broom towards the greenhouses.
“Bit late for that,” you sighed as you watched him disappear into the darkness.
I had intended to keep banging away at this part, but then I checked the word count and oh my giddy aunt… somewhere in the neighbourhood of 9,000?! lol So I found us a pausing point.
My loves, thank you so much for your reading, your sweet comments, and your general brilliance as human beings. Let me know what you think and whose team you’re on! lol
You tilted your head towards the space between your curtains and the bedpost closest to the window, taking in a slow, deep breath of cleansing air. Lily had opened the window before she, Marlene and Emmeline left the room, knowing the rain would soothe you.
They hadn’t tried to speak to you, and you were grateful for that. You weren’t in the mood to chatter cheerfully about your date with Remus, and it wouldn’t have been fair to do anything less. You really did have a nice time. You also weren’t in the mood to explain the shouting match with Sirius. And you already knew what Lily would say: Sirius’s behaviour wouldn’t have wounded you so deeply if you didn’t still have feelings for him.
The low rumble of rolling thunder gave you something else to focus on, and you closed your eyes, shivering a bit and pulling your blanket over your bare legs as a particularly cool blast of air wafted through. You’d kicked your jeans off hours ago but hadn’t bothered getting all the way into bed.
The door to the dorm opened and closed. Someone must have forgotten something. You waited quietly for the sound of them letting themselves back out, but after a few minutes of silence, you wondered if you were just hearing things. Though it didn’t feel like you were alone in the room…
“Hello?”
“Does Evans really sleep with this old stuffed bunny? Because that’s almost impossibly cute.”
“James! What the hell are you doing in here?”
“Came to talk to you, of course. Dear Godric… did you know every quill in this drawer is placed at the exact same angle? Probably had a protractor out and all just to make sure–”
“I’m sorry, did you say you came to talk to me or to completely invade Lily’s privacy?”
You heard Lily’s drawer close.
“You can’t blame a bloke for having a peek, can you? Now. Are you coming out or am I coming in?”
“You’re coming in. If the girls find you in here, they’ll go absolutely spare. Toss me my pyjama bottoms first, will you? They’re on the chair.”
You shook your head and smiled as your pyjamas came marching through the gap in your curtains, turning and standing at attention in front of you. You were glad James was here.
After slipping them on, you lifted the curtain and he dove onto your bed.
“Bloody hell, remember when all five of us could fit on here?” he asked as the two of you settled back against your pillows, James’s feet touching the end of the bed. When Sirius had first sussed out the girls’ stairs, the lads got a kick out of sleeping in your room from time to time, just because they could. You’d gotten quite adept quite quickly at silencing charms in your panic to ensure the girls wouldn’t hear the five of you giggling and playing Exploding Snap until dozing off in a huddle.
You nodded. “Wish I could go back to that place.”
James kissed your temple. “I know, love. So do I sometimes. We woke, we ate, we pranked, we ate and pranked some more, and in between, you and Moony did our homework.”
You snorted but felt a real pang at the thought of simpler times, the laughter of five happy kids playing hide-and-seek in the greenhouses long after they should’ve been in bed echoing through your memory. It’s not that you were against change. You just wished it would slow down a little and uncomplicate itself a lot.
“But here we all are, older, wiser, insanely more attractive,” James continued, “and I can’t beat around the belladonna with you anymore, darling: Are you in love with Sirius?”
You felt like you should’ve been taken aback by the directness of his question, but suddenly, you just didn’t see the point in being shocked or embarrassed or nervous anymore. Perhaps you’d grown up a bit further still in the last few seconds, head on your brother’s shoulder as you both listened to the rain. If you had to grow up, there were worse ways to do it.
“I was. I’m trying not to be now, considering he’s made it clear he’s not interested.”
“Has he, though?”
“I can only believe what he tells me, James. If I tried to guess what else was going on in his head, I’d go mad. I can’t read him like you can.”
James smiled. “You sell yourself short. But you’re right about one thing: We can’t have you going mad along with him. One stark-raving lunatic is quite enough. So what can I do to make this easier on you?”
A few moments of silence hung in the air before you interrupted with a quiet sigh, rolling onto your side and hugging James’s arm.
“Does she make him happy? This girl?”
“I really couldn’t say. He’s been out with her several times now, but he still won’t talk about her.”
“I feel like I’ve failed him. I saw how miserable he looked at King’s Cross, and I swore I was going to be there for him. Instead, I feel like I’m making things worse somehow. So I hope that, whoever she is, she’s doing what I can’t anymore.”
“Don’t say that. You know how much you mean to Sirius, Y/N. The worse things get for him at home, the harder he fights us, but that’s just Sirius and his pride. We’re always going to need each other. If in the distant future Evans ever figures out I’m a lot fucking cuddlier than that old rabbit over there, she’s just going to have to understand that there will be times I’ll want to go find my sister and climb into bed for a chat. And your future husband will have to understand too because I’ll need him to bunch over.”
You laughed at the mental image, knowing James wasn’t even partially joking.
“The point is, don’t give up on Sirius just because he’s being a temperamental git right now. No one, most especially not some girl he just met, knows him like us. When the time comes that he admits he needs help out of the pit, we’ll be the line and you’ll be the light. Just like always.”
James’s words actually made you feel a bit better. Made it feel less like you were losing Sirius.
“As for Moony…”
You released James’s arm and fell onto your back, hands over your face.
“Oh, no. I’ve been in here moping half the day, what if he thinks I was avoiding him?”
“Weren’t you?” James laughed.
“No! But sort of… I was avoiding my feelings, yeah, but not him.”
“Personally, I can’t blame you – I’d avoid any bugger who alluded to a good snogging and then reneged,” James said, yelping as you pinched his side.
“Have you answered that question you had last night yet?” he asked, clamping his hand over yours to prevent further injury.
“I’ve been thinking about it all day, and–”
“And there’s your problem. You and Remus are thinkers. Overthinkers, if you ask me. Stop thinking for once in your life and just let your feelings take over. See what feels natural in the moment. And then bloody well do that.”
“Bless your straightforward soul, James Potter,” you breathed. You suddenly had an idea that would keep Remus from taking your Sunday in bed as a sign that you hadn’t enjoyed your Saturday.
“Somebodyhas to stay drama-free around here,” James said dramatically.
“Yes, well done you, now get up and let’s get out of here before Lily sees you.”
“Evans knows I’m in here,” James said with a grin as he rolled off your bed. “I told her I wanted to talk to you first.”
You raised a brow at him. “Lily Evans found out that you know how to take the enchantment off the girls’ stairs and you lived to tell about it?”
“I did indeed,” he answered proudly. “I mean, I ran up the stairs first before she could get her wand out. But then I confidently turned round and without a hint of fear told her that it was all Padfoot’s fault.”
“Well, hopefully he steers clear of her for the rest of the day then,” you said, removing a Dairy Milk bar from your trunk – the last of your stash of muggle chocolate from the summer – and heading for the door.
“I’m sure he will. Especially after they’ve had their talk. Also my idea.”
That stopped you in your tracks.
“You sent Lily to talk to Sirius? James, she despises him. Have you heard the things she calls him? She’ll have him for lunch.”
“With a side of chips, I hope. And if we’re lucky, he’ll be better for it on the other side.”
Lily paused at the door to the Marauders’ room, gulping down a few deep breaths. She’d lied to Potter. She wasfrightened.
The Sirius Black she’d encountered when she first arrived at Hogwarts was nothing but a conceited brat. The perfect partner in crime for Potter. They constantly disrupted classes, cost Gryffindor points, and when they also decided to make Severus a primary target of some of their meaner-spirited pranks, she’d written them off completely. She had no use for bullies.
But over the years, she’d made enough peace with them to be on semi-civil speaking terms when she had to be – more for your benefit than hers or theirs. She’d reasoned that if you (a genuinely good person, despite your own disrespect for the rules) saw something redeeming in them, she would be a good friend and look the other way when the five of you got up to your nonsense. She’d made clear to you, though, that she reserved the right to treat Potter however she saw fit when he began putting on that he fancied her. She knew the arse was mocking her. She just couldn’t work out why he hadn’t tired of it yet.
Lily had also given Potter, Black and Pettigrew credit where credit was due when she’d worked out that Remus was a werewolf in fourth year. They’d not only kept their friend’s secret, they’d taken pains to try to make things easier for him – pains even greater than she’d originally thought, now she knew about the animagi endeavour.
But whereas Potter and Black were still the obnoxious berks they’d always been, Black had grown to be dangerous as well, as she’d tried to tell you on multiple occasions. He was reckless and quick-tempered – a terrible combination – and when he flew off the handle, as he seemed to do more and more these days, the repercussions were increasingly dire.
She’d learned things about his family, both from you and her own research into wizarding world history, and while she gathered (especially from his sorting into Gryffindor) that he made an effort to be the exception to every House of Black rule, his behaviour often made her wonder whether or not he could escape the history of insanity, even if he wanted to.
She glanced longingly at the door to the stairs, wishing she could back out, but there was no way she was giving Potter the satisfaction. With one final deep breath, she quietly turned the doorknob.
The room was darker than Lily expected, what with the storm clouds and the fact that neither the stove nor any of the lamps were lit. She closed the door and leaned against it, waiting for her eyes to adjust.
Wrinkling her nose at the smell of boy, she watched as the beds to her left and right slowly sharpened into focus. The latter was in complete disarray. There were more blankets, sheets and pillows on the floor than on the bed. Books, parchments and sweet wrappers were scattered across every surface, and a Gryffindor robe hung half in, half out of its owner’s trunk. She peered at a photograph on the table. An incredibly unpleasant-looking man and woman stood on either side of a young boy, who started to smile for the picture before a look of fear melted over his face instead as the man dug his fingers into the boy’s shoulder. Lily of course recognised Pettigrew but recognised his parents as well – she’d seen them in the Prophet over the summer, photographed leaving the Ministry after questioning for suspected Death Eater activity. She shuddered and turned her attention to the space on her left.
Neat as a pin, and Lily smiled softly. Remus. He was the only Marauder she counted as a friend, and she’d been devastated when she discovered his condition. For someone so gentle and calm to have to suffer such brutality and chaos month after month simply wasn’t fair. Everything was in its place on and around Remus’s bed, and she moved a bit closer to get a look at the photos atop his chest of drawers. In one, a very small Remus ran cheerfully along the bank of a river, a smiling man and woman following behind him, hand in hand. In another, the same woman sat on the bonnet of a car, a stylish scarf around her head and her pretty face frozen mid-laugh. A muggle photo. Lily felt a wave of sympathy for the woman, imagining what it must have been like to discover the wonders of the wizarding world, only to have her son permanently scarred by it.
Lily moved further into the room, convinced now that it was empty. Both Black’s and Potter’s beds were a rumpled mess, which wasn’t a surprise. She was surprised, however, to see a book on Black’s bedside table; she hadn’t figured him for a casual reader. Or a reader at all, frankly… he seemed to do nothing in the way of revising or even paying attention during lessons but still had high marks in all their classes. Yet another thing about him that annoyed her. She also noticed that he was the only Marauder without personal photos on display. Instead, what looked like two pages torn from a magazine and enlarged were tacked to the wall beside his bed, one featuring a silver-and-black motorbike, the other a grey sports car, its chrome gleaming.
She’d known Potter’s domain as soon as she saw it, tipped off by the Quidditch paraphernalia literally coating the wall. Gryffindor banners and jerseys mingled with Puddlemere United posters and programmes. Mixed in were bits of parchment on which he’d scrawled out strategies, jotted down notes, and formulated training regimens. Not fully conscious of the fact she was doing it, Lily sat down on the edge of the boy’s bed to get a better look. Quidditch was ridiculous, of course… senseless violence masquerading as sport. But she had to concede – grudgingly – that his apparent work ethic was impressive. She just wished he’d apply it to something constructive.
Lily picked up the framed photo on Potter’s table. A what looked to be 6- or 7-year-old James pulled a face at her before adopting the mischievous grin with which she was familiar. Behind him, his parents – quite a bit older than hers – shook their heads fondly at his antics before giving one another a loving glance and smiling for the photographer. They looked to be thoroughly pleasant people, warmth in their eyes and smiles, and Lily herself smiled absently at the sight of the clearly happy family. Potter was so cocky; she’d always just assumed he inherited his arrogance. Perhaps he was just a bit overindulged by two people who’d waited longer than most for a child. And perhaps the rest was false bravado.
She placed the photo back on the table and had the sudden urge to see what was in the drawer. No one could blame a girl for having a peek, right?
“Is it common practice for prefects to snoop through everyone’s belongings when they’re not around? Because I’ll want to hide a few things better in future…”
Lily slammed Potter’s drawer shut and leapt to her feet, clamping a hand over her mouth to muffle a small scream. Black’s head now rose slightly above the pile of blankets and pillows that had previously concealed it.
“You scared the life out of me, you arsehole.”
“Not to split hairs here, Evans, but I’m not the one breaking and entering.”
“That’s not what I’m doing. Nor am I snooping through everyone’s belongings.”
“So just snooping through James’s specifically then. Noted.”
Lily clenched her fists, debating whether or not to just leave. How in the hell was she supposed to have a meaningful conversation with this antagonistic prat? Then she thought about you. If there was a chance this could help, she had to try.
“I’m actually here to speak with you,” she said, edging closer to Black’s bed and attempting to adopt a polite tone. It came out rather stiff instead, but it was going to be the best she could do. “I was hoping we could discuss a few things.”
Black’s head dropped back onto his bed and out of sight.
“Not up for it, sorry.”
“Ireally need to have a word with you about–”
“Look, Evans, I had a rough night. So whatever school rules or Gryffindor codes of conduct or girls you’ve heard I violated, could you just make a list, send me an owl, and I’ll atone for it later?”
Lily jumped as a loud tapping sounded at the window near Black’s bed.
“That was quick,” he mused.
The tapping increased in volume and insistence until it seemed as if a full-grown man were outside beating on the window.
“MyGod, are you sure that’s an owl?” Lily asked nervously.
“That’ll be Nobilis,” Black said. His voice was hollow and weary. “He’ll break it eventually, you might want to step back.”
Lily made the snap decision that she didn’t really want to see that happen, steeling herself as she stepped towards the window.
“The bird bites,” Black warned.
Lily lifted the latch and pushed the window open before scurrying out of pecking range. The largest eagle-owl she’d ever seen proceeded to step onto the sill like a king onto his dais. Shaking the rain from his feathers indignantly, Nobilis ascended to the top of Black’s table with one flap of his wings before dropping a red envelope onto its surface with an air of disdain. He dropped back onto the sill, fixing his piercing eyes on Lily, who previously would not have thought it possible to feel judged by an owl. She took another tentative step backwards.
“Piss off, you buzzard,” Black muttered, and a jet of sparks shot from his bed, connecting with Nobilis’s tail. The owl let out a furious screech but mercifully ducked out the window, and Lily rushed to latch it before Nobilis could change his mind. She turned slowly, eyeing the Howler on the table.
“Last chance to leave.”
“I really do need to speak with you,” Lily said, her voice barely above a whisper. A chill was creeping up her spine the longer she looked at the Howler. It was as if the thing were somehow radiating menace, but she was determined to accomplish what she came here for.
“Suit yourself.”
Black slowly pushed himself into a sitting position, back against the wall behind his bed. He was shirtless, and Lily quickly directed her attention to her shoes. She glanced back up, however, when he raised his arm and watched as he flicked a finger at the Howler, which sailed into the air above the stove in the centre of the room. With a wave of his hand, Black broke the seal on the envelope, and Lily stumbled backwards into his chest of drawers as a shrill voice rose from the Howler’s mouth. It was possibly the most hateful sound she’d ever heard.
“For the second time this term, I have been forced to lay hands on a letter from that half-blood, muggle-loving filth Minerva McGonagall,” the woman’s voice spat. “I would have assumed that I made plain over the summer that you are not to give Albus Dumbledore’s menagerie of dross reason to address me as if you are any sort of reflection upon my ability to rear children. I recommend you adjust your behaviour accordingly. If I have to speak again on this matter, you will regret that you did not listen the first time.”
Lily was stunned by the level of contempt in the woman’s voice. This was someone’s mother? She looked over at Black. His face was entirely expressionless as he watched the Howler.
“You should also know that your father and I have been made aware that you have taken up with a girl. Hear me, Sirius: It may not have been within our power to reverse the shame of your placement outside Slytherin House, but if we discover this girl to be of questionable stock, or worse, a mudbl–”
Black’s arm flew up so fast it was nothing but a blur in Lily’s peripheral vision. He had his wand in hand this time and thrust it forward violently; it looked as if he were trying to run the Howler through with a broadsword. Instead, the Howler exploded, sending hundreds of tiny bits of charred parchment and envelope fluttering through the air. With another halfhearted wave of his wand, the pieces were swept into a vortex before swirling through the open door of the stove. It slammed shut behind them, and suddenly, the room was silent except for the pleasant crackling of a fire that completely belied the horrible thing that kindled it.
“Well,” Black said flatly. “Isn’t this cosy.”
Lily hadn’t noticed until then that her hands were covering her mouth. As she lowered them, she realised they were shaking. Aside from being in shock, she felt extremely uncomfortable. What little she knew of Black she didn’t like, but now here she was, standing feet from the boy’s bed after having witnessed a very personal – not to mention terrifying – moment. Lily wasn’t accustomed to not knowing what to do, but even though it felt as if she had a brick lodged in her throat, she forced herself to say something.
“Black, I’m… I’m so sor–”
“Don’t be.”
His tone was clipped, and Lily wished she could just disappear from the room.
“I… erm… I apologise for… everything, for being here, for disturbing you, but if I could just talk to you for a moment, I promise I’ll make it fast and be on my way.”
Black scooted himself from the shadows into the light now afforded by the stove, and Lily did an abrupt half-spin, her cheeks reddening. She’d forgotten about the shirtless bit.
“I understand I’m the one intruding , but could you possibly put on a shirt?”
“Sure, but just so you know, there’s nothing on the other half either,” he said, grabbing his blankets as if to move them aside.
“Black, don’t you dare!” Lily shrieked, and the boy smirked.
“I’m joking, Evans, but I am down to my smalls. So in the interest of sparing you that trauma, you can toss me a shirt. They’re in the second drawer.”
Lily plucked a T-shirt out of the drawer and flung it his way.
“Bad Company. Nice choice. While you’re up, get me a quill and some parchment out of my trunk?”
She let out an annoyed huff as her usual irritation with him began overriding sympathy. Lily opened the trunk as Black shoved his arms through the sleeves of the shirt. She started to grab some parchment that was wedged into a flap on the inside of the lid but decided it was too thick a piece, all folded up like a map. As she pushed it back in place, a photo that must have been stuck to the lid behind it dropped onto the pile of stuff in the trunk. She picked it up to replace it, then froze. It was a photo of you.
You were standing in the Great Hall, wearing the clothes you’d had on yesterday for your date with Remus. Black must have taken it before you all gathered for the group shot. You gave him a bemused look once you noticed he’d taken the photo, but before that, it seemed like you’d already been watching him. And if Lily had to label your expression, “longing” would do it.
She quickly slid the photo back behind the large piece of parchment and snatched up a smaller sheet and a quill, closing the trunk and dropping the items onto the foot of Black’s bed. He paused with the shirt hanging from his shoulders and leaned forward, quickly scrawling something onto the parchment.
“In exchange for my silence regarding your keen interest in James’s personal space, kindly give him this when you leave and ask him to post it to my Uncle Alphard.”
“Blackmail? Really?”
“That’d be a pretty good pun if I thought you had a sense of humour.”
Lily rolled her eyes but bit her tongue as she yanked the parchment out of his hand. He began pulling his shirt over his head, and she decided the fact that he was being a complete wanker entitled her to read the note. Besides, he could’ve folded it if he really wanted to keep it private.
Is there any chance at all that Dad’s impotent and Reg and I are adopted?
She snorted in spite of herself, and Black winked at her as he pulled his hair through his shirt collar.
“A man can hope, Evans. So. Now that we’re all fit for company, what is it you need to discuss?”
Lily opened her mouth, then closed it as her mind went blank. It felt like hours ago that she’d walked through the door intending to give Black a good, stern talking to. But after hearing his mother in action, “stern” sounded like a day at the beach. An unhappy home life was still no excuse for him to mistreat you, but it dawned on her that while she’d definitely heard the two of you shouting at each other last night, she had no idea what had been shouted. Would you even want her chastising him on your behalf? Before she could work out how to begin, Black spoke.
“Guess who I always go to after I’ve gotten one of those things?” he asked, staring into the flames flickering in the stove. “Her.”
With that one word, the smugness and defiance were gone from his face. He looked like a lost child.
“I know you’re here about what happened last night. I’ve no excuses; I acted like a fucking idiot. But I’m a big boy, and I’ll make my own apologies later. If she’ll see me.”
He glanced up at Lily, his eyes turning that last into a question. He really did have lovely eyes.
“I’m sure she’ll see you,” she said quietly. She knew now what she needed to say to the boy. Because considering where things seemed to be heading with Severus, she needed to hear it herself.
“Sometimes friends are just passing through. We change, they change, circumstances change… whatever it is, we wake up one day and can’t find a reason to hold on anymore. And when that happens, the best thing we can do is just let go.”
Black’s eyes dropped, and Lily quickly continued.
“But sometimes we’re lucky enough to meet people we can feel in our bones are going to be with us forever. No matter what. They love us for who we are, and even when – maybe especially when – we feel like we don’t deserve it, they just love us more. The five of you have that. I’ve always sort of envied it, if I’m honest.”
He looked slightly hopeful but nowhere near heartened.
“Well, I can’t speak for the others, but friends mean very nearly everything when you’ve never had any. So I hope you’re right, Evans. Not that I deserve any more second chances.”
Lily’s chest tightened at that. It felt surreal hearing Black say something so personal; it felt even more surreal knowing that he was being sincere. There was always such a disingenuous air about him, like he was forever putting on a play. She couldn’t shake the sense that she’d dealt with two different people today: the Black she was accustomed to, always having a laugh at everyone else’s expense, and then this one, clinging to the family he’d chosen as he suffered at the hands of the one into which he was born.
“Of course you do,” she said, thinking that she might just give Sev another second chance as well. “Everyone does.”
“Everyoneworthsomething.”
“Now, you listen to me,” Lily said matter-of-factly. She’d finally found something to lecture him about. “You and I may have our differences, but you are not worthless. You’re worth quite a lot, in fact, to Y/N and you’d do well to think about that the next time you feel the urge to wake up the whole castle with your temper tantrums. God only knows what all the girls would do with themselves if you weren’t around to wink your stupid pretty eyes at them, you’ve helped Gryffindor win the Quidditch Cup for the past three years straight, and you have great taste in music. I’ll have you know that I am quite fond of Bad Company. You’ve gone above and beyond for Remus, you help Pettigrew in Potions – and if you didn’t, we’d probably all have been blown sky high by now – you’re nice to the firsties when you think no one’s looking, and from what I saw today, your skill levels are off the charts. You’re not even 16 and already using wandless magic. Howlers are supposed to be impossible to destroy before they’ve finished the job, but tell that to the one in the stove. You’re some sort of flipping magical prodigy, and believe me when I say that I find that infuriating, but there it is. So just… deal with all of that!”
The last bit came out as an agitated squeal, Lily having worked herself into a right state by that point. Breathing heavily, arms rigid at her sides, she silently dared Black to keep being morose. The chances of it seemed slim, considering the way he was gaping at her. After a few moments, he slowly closed his mouth, swallowing gingerly and blinking as if trying to convince himself he wasn’t hallucinating.
“I, erm…” he started finally. “I doubt you have to worry about me threatening your status as Star of the Slug Club.”
Lily sighed. Of course he wouldn’t know how to take a compliment.
“Speaking of, he asked me to try to get you to join again,” she said.
“I’d rather milk a murtlap.”
Lily couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled out of her throat, and she was stunned to see Black smile. Genuinely smile. This was truly one of the oddest days of her life thus far, and as a muggleborn witch, that was saying something.
“I’ll just… get out of your way now. I’ve taken up enough of your Sunday,” she said, moving for the door.
“Evans?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome, Black.”
“Oh, and Evans?”
“Yes?”
“I have honestly never heard anyone say they were ‘quite fond’ of Bad Company. Quite fond of… I dunno, Steely Dan, maybe, but Bad Company…”
“Shut it, Black,” Lily called, slamming the door behind her.
You and James had just stepped off the stairs into the common room when you heard a door close to your right. Turning, you saw Lily. She looked a bit shell-shocked and was holding a piece of parchment.
“You prepared a speech?” James asked.
“I wish,” Lily exhaled. Descending the stairs, she handed the parchment to James.
“He wants you to post this to… damn. Alfred?”
“Ah, yes. At the Batcave,” James quipped. Lily shot him a look that made clear to you she’d had enough Marauder humour for one day, and you lightly elbowed James.
“Alphard. His mother’s brother. Shockingly sane,” you explained as you joined James in reading the note.
“Shit, did something happen while you were in there?” James asked, looking at Lily with real concern.
She nodded. “He got a Howler…”
“Walburga?” You instinctively reached out and took Lily’s hand. Merlin knows what she’d heard.
“Walburga?” Lily grimaced. “Lovely name for a lovely woman.”
She squeezed your hand. “Anyway… he seems really sorry.”
“It’s fine, Lily. Already forgotten.” You tried your best to sound nonchalant. You were going to have to perfect that if you wanted to get over Sirius. Judging from Lily’s face, you needed more practise, but she let you off the hook.
“I have a Charms essay that needs doing before dinner,” she said, giving you a quick hug and heading for the stairs.
“Hey, where’s mine?” James called after her.
“You can hug Y/N all you like. She seems to be immune to tossers.”
“Don’t you at least want me to escort you to your room?”
“Potter, she’s out of bed and speaking, so I appreciate whatever you did, but if I see you, Black, Lupin or Pettigrew set so much as a toe on these stairs again, you may as well say goodbye to that toe.”
Lily shut the door with emphasis, and James turned to you with a grin.
“She appreciates whatever I did.”
His smile faltered, however, as he folded Sirius’s note.
“He’s usually looking for you after one of those…”
You knew James was hoping you’d go up to the boys’ room, but you just couldn’t. Sirius had a girlfriend now. Granted, none of you even knew what House she was in, but considering he was spending all his free time with her, she should be the one to comfort him. You were never going to give up on Sirius as a friend, but for the sake of your own emotional well-being, you were going to have to stop thinking of yourself as the most important girl in his life.
“James, I promise I’ll talk to him later if he still wants to. But for now, let me post the note and I’ll see you lot at dinner, yeah?”
You took the parchment without looking at James so you wouldn’t see the disappointment on his face.
Fresh air was exactly what you needed right now, and you were grateful the wet weather had the opposite effect on everyone else. You didn’t encounter anyone as you took your time climbing up to the owlery to hand the note off to Sirius’s black owl, Ozzy. You stood at the top of the stairs, letting the earthy breeze ruffle your hair and watching the bird until he disappeared into the grey mist of low-hanging clouds.
Making your way back to Gryffindor Tower, you stopped at an alcove near the common room entrance, tapping a small stone on the inner edge with your wand. Remus had been so nervous he rarely even spoke during your early days at Hogwarts. Not knowing the real reason, you’d just assumed him to be painfully shy, so you devised a method of communication that spared him being put on the spot. You found a few hiding spots around the castle, and from then on, the two of you would use them as a means of exchanging notes and treats. Remus’s personality finally had a chance to shine through in writing, and you’d been best friends ever since. You’d never stopped utilising the hiding spots, though. Remus was every bit as nostalgic as you were.
The loose stone floated out of place, revealing a space behind it. To your surprise, it wasn’t empty. You removed a folded slip of parchment and a small packet of custard creams. Smiling, you opened the biscuits and popped one into your mouth as you unfolded the parchment.
How very kind of you to be about to say, Y/N – I had a lovely time as well! And thank you in advance for the chocolate!
P.S. – You don’t need to apologise for having a lie-in. I (and the rest of Scotland) heard. You know I’m here for you if you want to talk about it.
He was entirely too clever for his own good. A familiar surge of affection for the boy washed through you, warming you in spite of the drafty corridor and your wet clothes. Tucking his note and the remaining biscuits into your robe, you removed the spare bit of parchment you’d brought and the chocolate bar.
Well, I guess we know who’ll be getting an O on his Divination O.W.L.! Enjoy my last Dairy Milk, you cheeky bugger.
P.S. – We don’t have to talk about it. Everything will run its course eventually.
Placing the items into the empty space, you tapped the hovering stone, which replaced itself as you continued along the corridor.
“Ah,there is a smile more befitting a young lady,” the Fat Lady chirped. You hadn’t realised you were still smiling.
“Yes, well, your approval means everything to me. Ulotrichous.”
“Allow me also to commend you on your choice,” she said, ignoring the password.
“Of?”
“The Lupin boy, of course. Such a respectful lad. He’ll make a much finer husband.”
“Husband?! Bloody hell, I’ve been on one date with him–”
“Mydear, but you’re nearly 16! In one or two years, you’ll be past your prime, and then–”
“Would you please visit a painting near a calendar and check the century? Ulotrichous.”
“–what will you do?” the Fat Lady continued, unfazed. “I understand the surface appeal of the young Black heir, after all, financial security is a must, well of course it is, and pedigree of decided import, but the Black family tree is a bit lacking in distinct branches, not to be indelicate but there it is, and I’ve found the portrait of Phineas Nigellus Black to be abominably rude besides, and the Lupin boy is quite intelligent, isn’t he, I’m sure he’ll have many fine prospects post-Hogwarts…”
Gideon and Fabian Prewett came jogging up the stairs, freezing mid-step as they took in the scene of you lying flat on your back in front of the portrait, lightly bouncing your head off the stone floor and repeating the password like a mantra as the Fat Lady incessantly blathered over you.
Grinning, the twins took an arm each, pulling you upright.
“Can’t catch a break today, can you, love?” Fabian asked as Gideon snapped loudly at the Fat Lady.
“Oi!! You heard the girl, you great gasbag! Ulotrichous!”
“Well, I never!” she sputtered, swinging aside.
Gideon bowed, his arms swung towards the portrait hole, ushering you in.
“My heroes,” you breathed, crawling through. Fabian was right: This truly was the day from hell.
“Always at your service,” he said, hopping into the common room behind you.
“Speaking of,” Gideon chimed in, “if you’d like us to have a word with Black for you, it’d be our pleasure. Pretty sure the git put itching powder in our Quidditch gear.”
“Tempting, but it’ll sort itself,” you said, taking the opportunity to work on your nonchalant smile again. You got the sense that you were going to have several more opportunities before the week was out; it seemed as if everyone in the House really had heard the row.
“Fair enough, but we’ll be keeping an eye on Lupin from now on as well,” Fabian called as the two headed for the boys’ stairs. “We don’t just protect our seeker on the pitch!”
“I feel better already!” you laughed, and you meant it. It was nice to know that the friendships you’d formed over the years were strong. You told yourself that James was right, that your bond with Sirius wasn’t going to weaken. You just wished your inner voice sounded more confident.
You opened the door to your room to find Lily on her bed, hard at work on her essay, notes and books surrounding her. Marlene was painting her toenails, and Emmeline was engaged in the assigned DADA reading. It suddenly occurred to you that you’d done none of your homework. Guess you were in for yet another late night.
“When did Black figure out how to break the enchantment on the stairs?” Lily asked without looking up.
You laughed. “Have you been sat in here all this time just waiting to ask me that?”
“Black was in here?” Marlene gasped, her eyes wide. “Why didn’t you tell me? I’d have worn something sexier to bed…”
“Question answered.”
“Ohhhh, he was here with yoouu,” she said slyly, shooting you an exaggerated wink.
“Yeeesss, he was here with meee… and Potter and Lupin and Pettigrew. And we were 11.”
“Firstyear?!” Lily exclaimed, slamming her Charms book shut.
“More like… first week,” you said, trying not to smile as her face turned as red as her hair.
“It’s a waste,” she muttered, fiercely shoving her books and parchments into her rucksack. “That’s what it is. Talent just dripping out of his ridiculously flawless pores, but does he use it for good? Of course he doesn’t. He uses it for sneaking into girls’ dormitories. And disguising dungbombs as grapefruit and leaving them on the Slytherin table. And making the mistletoe chase everyone through the castle last Christmas playing 'Let’s Get It On’.”
You choked on a laugh. “You have to admit, that was classic.”
Lily turned her glare on you, and you quickly ran over to Marlene and Emmeline, grabbing their arms and hauling them off their beds.
“Dinnertime! Who’s ready for dinner, step lively, off we go!”
Remus strolled along the sixth-floor corridor, pausing briefly to break another square off the Dairy Milk bar. He placed it on his tongue, letting the creamy chocolate melt a bit.
He’d been walking around the castle for the better part of the day, which was fine. Part of the time had been spent on his appointed prefect rounds – and had subsequently saved Prongs and Wormtail from detention after he ran across them charming Binns’ chalk to write random swear words on the blackboard. At least History of Magic would be entertaining tomorrow.
He could’ve done with more sleep, especially after he woke with a fairly thumping hangover. But when it became clear to him and Pete that Sirius wasn’t going to emerge from behind his curtains and explain what had gone on last night, they’d opted to head down to breakfast, passing a snoring James in the common room, as was becoming the norm. Remus hadn’t been surprised when he didn’t see you at breakfast either.
But it wasn’t as if he didn’t need the time alone to think, and he’d done plenty of it.
A part of him wondered if he should’ve told Sirius off for shouting at you last night. The five of you bickering amongst yourselves wasn’t uncommon, but a full-scale row was. Then again, you were more than capable of handling Sirius – perhaps the most capable… even James had to wash his hands of Padfoot from time to time – and Remus didn’t want you to think he was trying to fight your battles for you. The note he’d found with the chocolate bar seemed to indicate he’d made the right decision there.
He also wondered if he should’ve been the one to go up and see about you today when you didn’t come down. He was your best friend, after all, and last night’s date didn’t change that. But considering how he’d ended the date, waltzing into your room might have seemed a bit forward. He was relieved when he encountered Lily a bit ago and learned that James had spoken with you. Even if she did throw in a few choice threats about taking the enchantment off the stairs.
How he’d ended the date. The thought rebounded on Remus and made his stomach flip, just as it had been doing all day.
What the hell had gotten into him? Other than enough butterbeer to float a bloody barge. His initial reaction when he’d woken this morning was shame – he’d moved way too fast. But it wasn’t as if he’d been on a date with a stranger. And ultimately, he kept coming back to how completely and utterly free he’d felt in that moment… none of his usual nervousness and doubt, just him and the one person with whom he’d always felt most comfortable, and when you’d said what you said, it was as if a switch had been thrown – his mind shut down and his emotions took over.
It was exhilarating, but there was just one little problem. Alright, perhaps one very large problem: He didn’t think he could replicate it. He tried to imagine being that bold again for perhaps the hundredth time today – tried to imagine striding up to you, pulling you into the nearest broom closet, and snogging you senseless. His knees buckled, and he flailed out for the nearest thing he could grab onto to stop himself hitting the floor: a suit of armour, which clanged loudly, startling a passing ghost.
Remus blushed and gave the ghost a small wave, breaking off another square of chocolate as he spun round and headed back the way he came. That brand of bold was best left to the Siriuses of the world. Still, he really did feel more confident today than he had the day before. The two of you had had a brilliant time in Hogsmeade, and he felt closer to you for it, which was honestly more important to him than anything else. And as for the end… well, you hadn’t exactly seemed opposed to the idea of him kissing you.
A slight grin crossed his face at that thought, and he checked his watch. Finally time for dinner. Now there was just the matter of smoothing everyone’s ruffled feathers, and Remus had an idea that might do the trick.
Sirius slowly opened his eyes, intending to push the curtains aside and check the time. Instead, he found himself nose to snout with a large deer, its antlers branching above him like a prickly chandelier.
“FUCK!” he yelped, launching himself backwards and going arse over tit off the edge of the bed.
The stag made a series of grunting noises that sounded suspiciously like laughter as Sirius dragged himself from the floor, rubbing his neck. James’s voice suddenly replaced the grunts as the curtain flapped about wildly.
“Shit, Pads, I’m hung…”
“I’ve seen you in the shower, I wouldn’t go thatfar.”
“Myantlers, you twat.”
Sirius walked around the end of his bed, barking out a laugh at the sight of James shaking his head violently, antlers still attached, as he attempted to free himself from the eyelets at the top of the curtains.
“Serves you right, you literal hatstand.”
“Tosh. You had that coming and you know it. Now get me loose.”
Sirius smirked, lifting the lid of his trunk and grabbing the camera instead.
“Give us a smile,” he said as James flicked the V. Sirius snapped the photo and tossed the camera back into his trunk, waving his hand at the curtains as he made his way to his chest of drawers. The curtains extricated themselves from James’s antlers, and Sirius slid on a pair of jeans as he watched his friend squint in concentration. The antlers shrunk down slowly to hilarious little stumps before finally disappearing altogether.
“You alright, mate?” James asked cautiously, straightening his jostled glasses. “I heard Evans was introduced to Walburga…”
“Figured you sent her up,” Sirius said, dodging the topic of the Howler. Prongs’s stiff-upper-lip attitude was endearing, but pep talks had stopped working on Sirius long ago.
What he wanted after an encounter with his family was to acknowledge the darkness he felt, not deny it. He wished that he could go back to the days when he simply pretended his family didn’t exist when not in the presence of direct evidence to the contrary. Out of sight, out of mind. But while his friends knew about his parents’ blood-purist extremism, they didn’t know the whole story. They knew his parents often punished him when he was at home; they didn’t know the specific methods, which were growing increasingly abusive with each passing year. They knew his parents’ social circle shared their supremacist ideals; they didn’t know that circle was expanding to include suspected Death Eaters. “Suspected” was a laughable word at this point, he thought bitterly. He’d yet to hear of anyone “suspected” of being a Death Eater who’d not turned out to be one.
To try to ignore what was happening at 12 Grimmauld Place, to try to shrug it all off and go on his merry way, was to be unprepared. He had to stay on his guard. And so he wanted to feel the darkness because the darkness was what reminded him how very precious the light was. How worth protecting.
Your face flashed through his mind, along with a simultaneous pain through his chest. It was his own fault he wasn’t getting to turn to you today. You understood what he wanted in those moments: Not to be encouraged to let it go, not to be told that everything would be okay – just to be allowed to feel it all. Sirius was fairly sure you’d guessed the things he hadn’t told anyone. You’d always been good at reading people, especially him, but you didn’t try to press him on it. You listened. You held his hand. And when his eyes told you the words he couldn’t say out loud – that he was terrified they’d win in the end – your eyes answered that it’d be a cold day in hell before you ever let that happen.
He felt tears stinging the corners of his eyes. He needed you… now, next year, forever. That was the finite truth of it. He needed you, but he didn’t deserve you. His behaviour last night had proven that.
“…just figured maybe you’d listen if you heard it from someone else for a change,” James was saying.
“How is she?” he blurted out. “Is she… I mean, I know what I said… everything I said… fucking bang out of order, but is she okay?”
James stared at him blankly for a moment. “Evans? What’d you say to her?”
Shit, that’s right – James had been talking about Evans.
“No, sorry. Y/N…”
“Well, she wasn’t doing handsprings, mate, but it’s Y/N. You know she cares about you. Which I believe she made extra clear by screaming it at you last night. Just talk to her, Sirius. Like you always do.”
Sirius felt more tears threatening to form. He had to get a grip on himself.
“Anyway, back to Evans… erm… yeah, that made a big difference. In fact, after she walked in on me starkers, we–”
“Shewhat?!”
Sirius was relieved to find that his chuckle was genuine – the look on Prongs’s face was priceless.
“Relax, I’m joking.” He figured it’d be best not to mention that he had actually been half-naked. “It really was a good talk.”
He wasn’t lying, to his surprise. Evans’ method of getting through to him – shouting his various attributes at him while looking as if she might set his hair on fire at any moment – was oddly effective. If someone who hated him as much as she did could find some worth in him, maybe he wasn’t a lost cause after all.
“Smashing!” James said, brightening. “And guess what else? She only insulted me one time this morning!”
“A new record!” Sirius grinned, high-fiving him. “Hungry?” Hopefully you’d be at dinner so he could apologise. Pushing you away wasn’t the solution to his problem.
“Famished. By the by, Evans did say she’d amputate our toes if we set foot on the girls’ stairs again.”
“That’s not very neighbourly.”
“Oh, and Moony asked if we’d bring the map and the cloak. Says there’s something we need to do tonight.”
“Map’s in my trunk,” Sirius mumbled. He’d dropped to his stomach and appeared to be trying to fish his boots out from under the bed.
James plucked the map out of the lid of the trunk, stooping to pick up a photo that fluttered to the floor. He watched you blink in surprise as Sirius took the picture before arching an eyebrow at him, then winced at the look on your face before the shutter was pressed. He hated seeing you sad.
There was a thud as Sirius began shoving his feet into the boots, and James slipped the photo back into the lid before quietly closing the trunk and sitting down on it. Sirius had a photo of you hidden in the lid of his trunk. Not Mystery Bird. You. He glanced down at the map in his hands. Sirius hadn’t let it out of his sight since he started going out with this girl, but if James had anything to do with it, he wasn’t getting it back tonight. It was high time he met Sirius’s new lady friend.
Sirius popped up from the floor, and James tossed him the map before retrieving his cloak from his own trunk. They walked to the Great Hall in silence, except for a brief pause on the stairs to cheer on Peeves, who was chasing Filch down the third-floor corridor with a mop.
Remus and Peter were already at the table, but James noticed you and the girls were missing from your usual spot. He worried you might be giving dinner a miss as well, but a few moments later, you walked in with Evans, McKinnon and Vance. Sirius immediately made to stand, but James grabbed the hem of his shirt, tugging him back down.
“You don’t want to go over there right now, Pads. You’ve activated the girl shields.”
The four boys watched as every girl in Gryffindor shifted closer to you and your roommates as you sat down, immediately whispering and casting occasional nasty looks at the Marauders. No shouting match the likes of last night’s was going to come without the cost of a bit of chinwagging. James knew you were miserable, though. You hated gossip and seemed to be doing your best to smile and wave the girls off.
“What are they glaring at the rest of us for, we didn’t do anything!” Peter protested.
“Well, we can’t very well put him in the pillory, can we, so we’ll just have to stay here and absorb some of the collateral damage,” Remus grinned, extending a long arm across the table to give Sirius’s shoulder an encouraging slap. James was relieved to see that Remus wasn’t angry with Sirius.
“Listen, Moony…” Sirius started, wanting to make sure, but Remus cut him off.
“We’re good, Pads. It’s between the two of you, and you’ll work it out. But I might be able to help with that later.”
The rest of the meal passed with the usual banter, plus occasional laughter when you’d catch the boys glancing at you and toss subtle “kill me now” gestures their way. You apparently had had enough concern by the time pudding was served, excusing yourself and hotfooting it out of the Hall with Evans on your heels.
When dinner wound down and the Hall began to clear, Moony quietly explained his plan. It seemed to make everyone feel a bit better. James knew that things weren’t about to magically return to normal, but this should at least stop the boat rocking for now. As professors and prefects began shooing stragglers to their Houses, the Marauders slipped under James’s cloak and made their way towards the One-Eyed Witch.
I am SO TREMENDOUSLY SORRY to the ridiculously (riddikulusly?) kind people who’ve let me know they were hoping this story would continue. I don’t even know what to say other than I couldn’t be more deeply touched that you like it that much. I also couldn’t be more deeply ashamed that I’ve left you hanging. But apart from some more major life changes (I’m ready for all the life changes to stop for a good long while now!!), I’d been sitting on this bit of the story for ages now just doubting the bejesus out of it.
I suppose that’s normal when writing fanfic? Or I hope it is… this is still just my second go at it, but without going into detail on how many times I deleted bits I told myself were boring and awful, PLEASE feel free to tell me if I’m cocking this up!! lol If you don’t like where it’s going or how it’s getting there, don’t hesitate to tell me. In return, I’ll stop thinking it to death and try to let it go where it seems to want to go.
Anyway, enough sheepish excuses. I’m forcing myself to publish this part even though it seems like I should have done more to it. If you’re still here reading, bless your lovely heart, and if you asked me at some point to add you to the tag list and I didn’t, just remind me again because we all know now that my brain is a cluttered attic with a bloody ghoul in it lol
You knew one of two things would happen if you went upstairs right now.
The first scenario was that Lily and Marlene had waited up and would pounce on you the moment you entered the dorm, possibly shrieking, likely jumping up and down, and definitely diving onto your bed to demand you regale them with every detail of the day’s events.
The second was that they hadn’t waited up but would instead wake you at dawn to do all of the above.
Youdid want to talk to them, of course, particularly level-headed Lily. Today – and particularly tonight – had left you with much to process, and you’d be glad of an outside perspective. But your head was in no shape for it at the moment. Bits and pieces of the day were flashing through your mind at too swift a speed… snippets of conversations you and Remus had had, images of him laughing freely at the Broomsticks and excitedly pointing out rare books at Tomes & Scrolls, the sounds of a softly played piano, and the rush of adrenaline as the two of you tripped your way up the staircases beneath James’s cloak.
Further complicating things at the moment was the fact that those images were being too frequently interrupted by the lingering feeling of his lips sliding gently across your jaw.
Considering you were also still a bit sloshed, you arrived at the only logical conclusion: Sleeping on the sofa it was.
A wave of your wand had the fire roaring again, and you pulled a blanket up to your chin as you settled against the pillows. After a bit, you found that simply concentrating on the swaying flames helped slow the roundabout in your head. One particular question kept begging for attention, though, no matter how you tried to ignore it.
Had you wanted Remus to kiss you?
Sussing out the answer felt like significantly more effort than you wanted to exert at the present time, but something in the back of your mind kept insisting it was important to try. Either you’d wanted him to kiss you or you’d just been curious to see if he would. The difference would tell you… it would tell you…
“I just want to sleep,” you groaned in frustration as the back of your mind yanked you once again from the edge of a doze.
“Well, fine then! I know when I’m not wanted,” a voice came from behind you. “Thank Evans for that.”
You snorted. “Thank Evans.”
James paused for a moment, then laughed as he caught on.
“Thank Evans instead of thank heavens… oh, we’ve got to make that a new Marauders in-joke, it’ll drive her round the bend.”
You giggled as you pictured Lily a few days from now, red faced and stamping her foot as she demanded to know why everyone kept saying that.
“Sorry to disturb, though, I’ll leave you to it,” James said, his voice a bit further away. You shook your head, then realised he couldn’t see you; you’d wedged yourself as deeply into the sofa cushions as you could manage in your fitfulness.
“No, I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking to myself. I feel like I’m losing the plot, James…”
You rubbed your face. James’s timing was, as per usual, impeccable. You suddenly knew that if anyone could help you sort through this, it was him.
You extended your arms so that he could see them over the back of the sofa.
“Hold me,” you said in your most piteous voice.
“Why, Y/N!” James gasped, his head appearing above yours, a mock expression of shock on his face. “What would Moony say?”
“Belt up and get over here.”
“How forceful of him,” James teased as he vaulted the back of the sofa. You pulled your knees quickly to your chest to avoid having your legs crushed. You couldn’t, however, avoid being jostled violently, and before you could regain your breath, James had grabbed you round the waist and hauled you into his lap. Angling back against the cushions, he put a hand on your forehead and pressed down until your head was resting on the arm of the sofa before draping his arm comfortably over your stomach.
“How is it you always manage to make me feel simultaneously assaulted and loved?” you asked.
It was only partially a joke. James seemed to barrel into every endeavour like a drunken ogre yet, by the end, it was always as if everything had gone precisely according to his plan. It was part of the reason you were so sure he and Lily would eventually end up together. She just had to wait out the ogre stage.
“It’s a gift,” James yawned, pulling the blanket over the two of you. “Now. How satisfactory is Remus’s snogging? I reckon he goes in a bit frantic, but Pads pegs him as more of a tender lover…”
“If I weren’t so tired, I’d look at you indignantly,” you said, eyes closed. “There was no snogging.”
“Not even a peck goodnight?”
“No. Well…”
“Aha!”
“I said no!”
“And then you said ‘well’. Everybody knows that 'well’ after 'no’ means 'yes’.”
You managed an exasperated sigh. “Did he not speak to the three of you when he came in?”
“Two of us. Sirius still isn’t back.”
There was that twinge again.
“And you know Moony. Told us to sod off and crawled into bed before we could even so much as get a word out. But he was grinning like a Cheshire cat when he came through the door, so I just figured–”
“You just figured what?” you asked, opening your eyes just enough to narrow them at him. “That he couldn’t possibly be grinning because we’d had a nice time or because I’m excellent company?”
“You’re always excellent company and you two always have a nice time. So something different had to have happened. And snogging would definitely be different.”
“There was nosnogging.”
“But there was a 'well’.”
With a quiet groan, you reached up to rub your temples, which were beginning to throb.
“Why does everyone always want to have deep, probing conversations with me when I’m fucking shattered?” you demanded. “What’s wrong with soul searching at, say, half eight?”
“We all know 'tipsy and tired’ is your and Sirius’s Veritaserum,” James said matter of factly.
Your eyes widened, and he quickly put a hand over your mouth.
“Allow me,” he said, clearing his throat and sending his voice into an exaggerated falsetto. “James, how dare you! Do you have any idea how manipulative that is? If you weren’t so incredibly handsome and virile, I’d be very, very cross with you.”
You couldn’t help but chuckle into his hand, and he took that as a sign that it was safe to remove it.
“Itis manipulative,” you muttered.
“If you want to be negative about it,” James said with a dismissive wave. “I prefer to see it as a sign of how close we all are. I mean, we’d have to be to pick up on this stuff, wouldn’t we? Get a fair few down you and Sirius, wait till you’re good and cream-crackered, and the both of you will spill your guts. Don’t act like you’ve never bribed Remus with chocolate, and we both know you can guilt him into anything if you appeal to that honourable streak of his. Just tell Pete 'that’s something James and Sirius would do’ and he’ll do it. Honestly, Y/N, if you don’t occasionally manipulate your friends, do you really even care?”
You opened your mouth to protest, then remembered how many times you’d gotten James to do something he didn’t want to do by telling him how impressed Lily would be when you told her.
“Alright, fair enough. We’re extremely close, sort of rotten friends. We deserve each other. But for the record, I was going to tell you anyway. 'Tipsy and tired’ or not.”
One of the things you loved about all the boys was that they knew when it was fine to take the Mickey and when it was time to shut it and listen. James sat attentively as you summed up the day, his mouth dropping open as you reached the end.
“Moony did that?! OurMoony?”
You nodded.
“Fucking hell,” James said, grinning through his shock as he shook his head. “I didn’t think he had it in him. So… what happened next?”
“I threw a pillow at him.”
“As you do.”
“Not smack in the face or anything. He sneaked off right when I thought… well, I thought he was going to properly kiss me. Next thing I knew, he was on the stairs.”
“Merlin’s undies, he went from nervous wreck to Casanova in a day? You must be one hell of a date, love.”
“That goes without saying, but I don’t think it had as much to do with me as it did with Remus just… throwing caution to the wind for once. This is going to sound odd, but I felt sort of proud of him. He’s capable of so much more than he thinks he is.”
“Apparently. Ten minutes before we went down to the Great Hall, he was snogging a paper bag. If you’d told me he’d be moving on to chins a few hours later, I’d have–”
“He did not snog my chin. Godric, James.”
James laughed before tapping his own chin with his thumb, something he always did when he was thinking.
“So what is it you’re upset about? That he didn’t properly kiss you? Did you want him to?”
James watched as you slowly nibbled the inside of your bottom lip. You always did that when you were thinking.
He had to admit, he was reeling from this news about Moony. He hadn’t had any doubt that Remus would eventually relax and the two of you would settle into your usual simpatico swing. He wouldn’t have left his cloak with Rosmerta otherwise. But from there, he’d reckoned it’d be a hug and off to bed, followed by a few agonising weeks of having to watch the two of you awkwardly dance around one another – complete with loads of blushing and that Alice-and-Frank hand-brushing bollocks – while you all waited to see where this would go.
Remus had skipped ahead a few chapters, and now it was time to figure out whether that had advanced the story or spoilt the ending.
“That’s what was keeping me awake when you came down,” you said finally. “Did I want him to kiss me… romantically? Or did I just want to see what New Remus would do next?”
“Well… maybe a comparison,” James suggested. “How have you felt just before being kissed before?”
Your eyes dropped, and a slight flush washed over your cheeks.
“I haven’t been kissed before,” you said quietly.
James’s eyes widened in genuine surprise.
“Don’t take the piss, James, not right now.”
“I would never! I just assumed Morgan had at least had a go…”
“He had welts for a week after that Stinging Snowball stunt. Hasn’t put his face anywhere near me since.”
“Sorry? I suppose?”
“You suppose wrong. He’s nice enough, but he’s a bit of a big head. Always on about shallow rubbish, doesn’t seem interested in getting to know me. The real me, I mean.”
Suddenly, you looked vulnerable and sad. Just like Sirius had that night outside the kitchens. James really wished he could make everyone stop looking like that.
He’d had all the standard, humiliating warnings from his mum that people’s feelings would go all… feely once they reached a certain age. It’d been especially delightful the night she’d decided to include Sirius in the conversation. “Be wary of young ladies who only seem to be attracted to your looks,” she’d said. “Particularly you, Sirius.” James scowled slightly as he remembered Pads bursting into laughter.
But you and Remus, Sirius and Mystery Bird… regardless of the warnings, James hadn’t expected to start fifth year with everyone pairing off. And if he was honest, he was feeling a bit gutted that, despite a little progress, he seemed no closer to adding 'James and Lily’ to that list.
But none of this was going to be solved overnight. A change of subject was definitely in order.
“I vote we not be serious for the rest of the night.”
“I second,” you said, giving him a grateful smile.
“I third! One of me is more than enough.”
James watched as the smile slipped from your face at the sound of Sirius’s voice. You used to light up when he walked into a room. How had Pads never noticed that?
Tilting his head back, James watched as Sirius caught his foot on the edge of the portrait hole and tipped forwards. Just before he hit the floor, however, he spun, putting a hand down behind him and propelling himself upright. The whole thing ended up looking more like a bloody dance move than a drunken eejit tripping into a room. James shook his head. He loved Sirius dearly, but sometimes he wondered if it wouldn’t do Pads some good to fall flat on his face every once in a while. Might knock some sense into him.
“Uh-oh,” Sirius said, dangling over the back of an adjacent armchair. “Cuddles with Prongs means something’s wrong.”
“You’re almost as poetic as Peeves,” you retorted, rolling your eyes.
“So what is it?” Sirius continued, unperturbed. “Bad date?”
His tone was confrontational. He was also pissed as a newt – eyes bloodshot, voice heavy and sluggish, and his breath could have knocked over an erumpent. This was not good.
“Perfectly lovely date, thank you,” you said shortly. “Best time I’ve had in ages.”
James watched as a pained look flickered over Sirius’s face, replaced almost immediately by another James knew all too well. That sulky look that said “Pads is now in a mood – terrible decisions on his part are about to be made and something will inevitably get broken”. This was very, very not good.
“Oh? Then why are you in the common room being consoled by Prongs instead of upstairs showing off your love bites like mydate?”
James felt you flinch and instinctively grabbed your hand as the pained look found a new home. Yours didn’t last long either, though, anger scorching the hurt away from your eyes.
“Bloodyhell, Sirius, shut your gob and go to bed,” James tried, knowing it was too late. You sat up stiffly, glaring at the boy as he raised a smug eyebrow at you.
“That was horrid,” you said quietly, your voice quivering slightly.
“That’s not what she said,” Sirius drawled, standing upright.
“Why are you acting like this? This isn’t you. Why are you doing this to– why are you doing this?”
Sirius faltered for a moment at your sudden pleading tone, and James held his breath, hoping fervently that some faint, preferably sober voice in Padfoot’s head would lead him right. But then the mask slid back down.
“Doing what? Having a little fun?”
“There’s a difference between having fun and acting like an arrogant prick.”
“So I’m a prick now because I’m not Remus?”
“Who said I wanted you to be Remus?”
“Then who is it you want me to be?”
“You! The realyou.”
“And where has that ever gotten me? Who gives a shit about the real me?”
“I DO!!” you yelled, and James watched as Sirius’s eyes widened slightly. You stood abruptly, clearly flustered, and stomped to the bottom of the girls’ stairs. Surely that had snapped Sirius out of it…
“Yeah, well, you can tell Remus the real me is a prick too on your next perfectly lovely date.”
Aaaaand fuck. James let his head drop onto the back of the sofa as Sirius stalked to the boys’ stairs. In his peripheral vision, he could see you swiping quickly at your eyes while Sirius wasn’t looking.
“Believe me, I will,” you said, your volume rising. “And don’t worry, I won’t be spoiling your fun from now on. Why you even bother concerning yourself with what dull, boring little Y/N is doing is beyond me.”
“BECAUSE I FUCKING WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY!” Sirius shouted.
The two of you glowered at one other for a few seconds before you bolted through the door to the girls’ tower, slamming it behind you. Sirius pounded his fist against the boys’ door before violently kicking it open.
At least nothing got brok–
James ducked as a bolt of light shot from the top of the boys’ stairs and a small table near the portrait hole exploded. Wearily curling up on the sofa, he listened for a few moments for any further signs of movement. Or destruction. While it was a safe bet that everyone in the House was awake now, he hoped they’d stay in their dorms. He needed to take stock, and better to do it here than upstairs with the Human Molotov Cocktail in the next bed.
Silence settled slowly over the room.
First on the list of things needing pondered: James had seriously underestimated Remus, who had apparently been a character from a romance novel all along – sensitive, suave, well-read, dashing, musical, and moonlighting as a werewolf. Pun very much intended. He also seemed to have intentions of snogging you at some point in the near future, though whether or not you wanted to be snogged was still up in the air. And meanwhile, Sirius’s snogging was clearly out of control.
If it turned out Pete was snogging anything, James was going to be extremely put out.
To make all of that even more complicated, despite your best efforts to be furious, you and Sirius had really only proven one thing with your row: You still had feelings for each other. The Veritaserum had spoken. Or in this case, shouted.
“Tipsy and tired,” he sighed, pulling the blanket over his head. He himself was unfortunately only one of those things.
“Potter!”
James groaned. What the holy hell now? It felt like he’d barely closed his eyes five minutes ago.
“POTTER!”
Irritably, he yanked the blanket away from his face and winced against the sunlight streaming into the room before forcing one eye open. Lily was standing in front of the sofa, arms crossed, foot tapping. James closed his eye. Could she just once plan a lecture for a time when he didn’t look like he’d been trampled by graphorns? Seeing as he usually couldn’t defend his actions, it’d be nice if he could at least smoulder.
“Potter, I obviously saw you open your eye, so why would you bother closing it?”
“Because my dream seems to be malfunctioning. Normally, you’re naked.”
“Oh my God. Just forget it, you manky plonker,” Lily huffed, turning towards the portrait hole.
“Wait, wait, Evans, I apologise. Step into my office, we’ll have a chat that I’m sure will include many more apologies by me.”
Lily looked dubious but settled into an armchair as James dragged himself into a sitting position, straightening his glasses.
“I’m sure this will come as a nasty shock, but I’m not here to talk about you,” Lily began. “Though I would be interested to know if you ever actually sleep in your bed.”
James opened his mouth, but your voice suddenly popped into his head.
“Do NOT say 'You’re welcome to find out’, for fuck’s sake, these are the things that do not impress Lily no matter how funny they are, James.”
“It was safer down here last night,” he said instead.
Lily nodded with a sigh.
“That’s what I wanted to talk about. We were all awake when she came in, of course, but she just dove into bed and drew the curtains. Hasn’t come out since. Please tell me it wasn’t Remus she was shouting at…”
“It wasn’t Remus. It was Sirius.”
“Sirius?”
“He stumbled in from his date while Y/N and I were chatting. It went… less than well.”
Lily sighed, casting a worried look towards the girls’ dorm.
James frowned. Damned if he was going to start yet another week with everything gone pear-shaped. He needed a plan of action. A change of perspective.
“Evans, what do you think should be done about a person who’s too pigheaded to understand that another person’s been trying to tell them they fancy them?”
“Don’t you call me pigheaded, James Potter!”
James snorted. “No, no, not you. Sirius. The row last night, it was nothing but the two of them lashing out at each other because they’re hurt and stubborn. And in Sirius’s case, bevvied. With a dash of stupid.”
“So you think Sirius still has feelings for her?”
“I know he does. But the thing is, he’s had his bloody chances and he just keeps cocking it up. I’m of a mind now he’s doing it on purpose.”
Lily’s eyes widened. “Why?”
“I’m convinced now that he stood aside for Remus. Which under any other circumstance would’ve made him quite the noble bastard, but under this one… I don’t know. I reckon Sirius wanted to give Remus’s confidence a leg up, but from what Y/N said last night Moony’s doing just fine on his lonesome.”
“She talked to you about her date?”
James raised a brow. “Some girls have no trouble at all talking to me, Evans. Some girls quite enjoy it, in fact.”
“Yes, well, some girls also quite enjoy waxing their legs. So they had a nice time?”
“I’ll leave the details to her but yeah, seems so.”
Lily stood suddenly. “I’m going to talk to her. If things went well with Remus and she’s committed to seeing where else they might go, then she needs to give it time. Which means Sirius needs to stop complicating things. Perhaps you should tell him as much.”
“About that,” James said, eyeing Lily cautiously. “Me telling Pads what to do is about as effective as me telling that fireplace poker. Meanwhile, your continued refusal to find me irresistible means you don’t know much about men. No offence.”
“Point?” Lily groaned.
“What Y/N needs right now is insight and empathy. What Pads needs is a stern lecture. Care to trade?”
Lily looked puzzled for a moment before crinkling her nose in disgust. “You want me to speak with Black?”
“Frightened, are you?”
The girl puffed up immediately and it was all James could do not to laugh. She looked like a disgruntled owl.
“Hardly. Repulsed is more like it. He’s horrid. Second-most-arrogant person I’ve ever had the misfortune to meet. Selfish, spoilt, a complete and utter rake…”
“And yet you… don’t want to lecture him?”
Lily paused. “Actually, now you mention it, yes. Yes I do. It’s certainly clear no one else in his life ever has.”
“It’s settled then,” James said, hopping up from the sofa and heading for the girls’ stairs. “I’d have a go now if I were you; I reckon he’s too hungover to be belligerent.”
Lily marched towards the boys’ stairs but whipped around, mouth open, at the sound of James whispering behind her.
“JamesPotter!! Did you just take the enchantment off the girls’ stairs?!”
“Sirius taught me!” James yelled over his shoulder, taking two steps at a time to get out of hexing range. “Feel free to include that in your chat!”
“Oh, I will! Once this business is sorted, we’re all going to be having chats about lots of things! I amaprefect, you know!”
“Yes, yes, thank Evans for that,” James called as he opened the door to the dorms, grinning as Lily’s voice drifted up the stairs: “Thank me for what?”
HI! i’m back on my sirius black bandwagon, and i need something to fill my time with, so i’m gonna start writing again! drop ur most inspirational sirius requests
drunk@theweasleysredhair : sirius finds himself looking after a drunk you, who is determined to make it as difficult as possible for him to do so.
rain and chocolate chip cookies@blushylupin : you are close friends with a certain black dog and have been secretly in love with sirius, even though you’ve never spoken to each other. you eventually confess to snuffles about your feelings, unaware that he’s sirius.
inked@jamcspotters : (college au) “you’re the one in class who has tattoos all over their arms and piercings and everyone’s scared of you, and one day, i catch you watching cat videos doodling in the middle of a lecture, and, wow, you’re a dork.”
babe, you’re a habit@jamcspotters : (muggle au, slight nsfw) the number one rule of friends with benefits is no feelings involved, and you think you just broke it.
how to fall in love: for dummies@wizardwritings : (modern au) you and sirius have been best friends for years now, but after six months of living with him, you realize that maybe you lived him as more than a friend. the plan? to make him realize the same thing in just three, foolproof steps.
not that scary@yourssuccubus : you are scared of dogs and jump behind james in fear when sirius comes to surprise you in his animagus form.
flowers and inks@wizardwritings : “i work at a flower shop and you’re a tattoo artist from across the street, and you always come in here to practice drawing flowers, and you’re really hot.” *personal favorite*
kairos@seriouslyblacklikemysoul : you are james’ twin and a slytherin. he’s been lying and telling everyone you’re not related and you find out.
borrowed sweaters, stolen kisses@wizardwritings : in a game of truth of dare, you’re dared to sneak into the marauders’ dorm and steal one article of clothing to wear the next day. it just so happens that the jacket you snatched was sirius’ favorite jumper.
a cat person@seriouslyblacklikemysoul : sirius finds you in your animagus form: a cat. he becomes super attached to you, always trying to take you around, unaware that it’s you.
Pairings:Sirius Black x reader, Remus Lupin x reader’s brother, Sirius Black (post-Azkaban) x reader, Sirius Black x Slytherin!reader
Word Count: 2,663
Warnings: Torture, injury,
A/N: Ahh!!! Time to get excited I am finallyfinishing this damn story. I’m guessing there will be around 5-10 more chapters to tie up loose ends, unless I get a stroke of genius and continue the story lol. Thank you so much to everyone who still reads my stories and an extra thank you to everyone asking how I’ve been and taking time out of their day to think ab me, like UGH so sweet!!! Anywaysss lemme know what you guys think or if there’s anything you’d like to see/are confused about!
“Always were such a gossip,” Sirius teased, his figure slowly coming from the shadows, his wand out and poised. “I think you have me confused with Cissy, always had trouble keeping those pretty lips closed,” Bellatrix returned, turning her attention towards Sirius. “Yes, well, the pretty ones are always easier to remember,” Sirius said, slowly advancing. He didn’t dare look at you; the last thing Bellatrix needed to know was that not only were you Remus’ sister, but she could hurt Sirius just as deeply through you–almost a sort of two-for-one. It was a good thing he didn’t, for you were still seated, cradling your throbbing ankle. “Just as shallow as always, I see,” she sneered, “It seems as though your time in Azkaban taught you nothing, cousin.” “Back on the Dark Side, all loud and proud, and your precious Lord hasn’t even fully risen to power yet; seems as though you learned just as much as I did,” he threw back. Her face contorted in rage, and her words came out like a growl. “He broke me out of Azkaban! He saved me! How can he not be what he once was, yet touch Azkaban–no, break Azkaban? No one has escaped from Azkaban, the precious prison where you filthy Muggle-lovers love to throw true witches and wizards like me!” she shrieked madly. “First of all,Iescaped from Azkaban, all by myself, no Dark Lord pulling the strings with the dementors in league,” Sirius sneered. You held your breath as he spoke to her so brazenly. “And Good Godric, you are just as deluded as ever. He’s the one who put you there! You wouldn’t have even ended up in that godforsaken place had it not been for him! Neither of us would’ve been! Can’t you see that? You are only as important to him as what you can do for him. You are nothing to him. Can’t you see that?” And then, the cave was filled with bright green light. All noise ceased as the blood swam in your ears. A silent but surely blood-curdling scream to everyone else ripped from your throat, Sirius’ name leaving your lips as the pitch-black replaced the deadly green. You pulled yourself up against the bars, pain seeping into your screams as you did so, but you had to see he was okay; he had to be okay. The silence stretched on, Bellatrix’s enraged, heavy breathing filling the quiet. The feeling was seeping from your limbs, your knees on the verge of collapse, chest beginning to heave with angry, suffocated sobs.
“Oh, hit a soft spot, did I? Getting a bit touchy,” Sirius laughed suddenly. With a spring, he jumped back up, his hair bouncing with him. The feeling returned to your body like a tidal wave, and your knees finally gave out, but with relief. She hadn’t gotten him; he was still here and somehow going to save all of you. From your spot on the ground, you could’ve sworn you saw a flash of a shoe visible from the light of the mouth of the cave, but a second later, it was gone. “How dareyou speak of him like you know him! Like you understand him?! You know nothing!” she yelled, her voice rebounding off the walls of the tiny cave. “This is nothing like the last time. That was nothing but a blip in my Master’s grand plan. Your preciousfriends, ickle Jamesy and Lily with itty, bitty, baby Potter. All of them, they all meant nothing. Their deaths meant nothing. In fact, I’m told it was amusing for my Master to chase James as he fruitlessly searched out his wand, almost as amusing as Lily throwing herself in front of my Master’s wand, as if it would do anything at all. Stupid, stupidgirl–but really, what did we expect from a filthylittle Mudblood.” And then, Sirius lost it. Flashes of every color burst from the tip of his wand spells flying left and right. Using your good foot, you pushed off of the ground and flew to the corner, covering Alastor and Circe, the latter balled in his lap, doing your best to shield them. “You don’t get to say their names! To talk about them!” he shrieked madly, looking more and more like his cousin as he did so. “I’ll kill every last one of you!” “I wish I was there! I wish I would’ve gotten to see my Master leech the very last drop of light from James’ eyes!” she shrieked, cackling as she threw her own defensive spells. Amazingly, the two hadn’t been hit yet, still throwing curses with as much gusto as before. Idly, you wondered what had happened to her henchmen–shouldn’t this be the exact situation they were here for? Squinting in the darkness, you found them all strangely slumped over, dead to the situation around them.
Concerned for Remus, you next looked for him. Confused, you saw him working his way to a standing position, grimacing in pain as he did so. How was he standing on his own? Then, a second later, you saw a freckled arm appear from nowhere, and a second after that, Remus had been swallowed by the darkness. “What the hell?” you whispered, furrowing your brows in confusion. “What is happening?” Alastor whispered, a crazed look on his face now that Circe couldn’t see him. “It’s alright. You guys are going to be okay,” you reassured them. “That’s Sirius Black,” he whispered, terrified. “Like hell we’re going to be okay.” “The Daily Prophet’s propaganda machine never ceases to amaze,” you whispered, mostly to yourself. “He’s here to rescueus. He’s not bad, not evil, and certainly not a sodding Death Eater. It’s all a lie.” “And why would I believe that?” he frantically whispered back, spells still pinging off the walls. “If he’s a Death Eater, then why the hell is he trying to kill Bellatrix in their own cave?” you hissed, trying to remain patient. “You’ve just got to trust me on this. Okay?” He gave you a look but nodded slowly after a minute. “Alright,” he said, encircling Circe tighter. “I’ve got to get out and help him, please tell me you have something to pick a lock with?” you whispered. “There’s a rusty nail under that bench, in the hole in the rock. I never knew how to use it,” he said, nodding to the opposite corner of the cell. Feeling incredibly thankful for your Muggle cousins your mother called ‘bad influences,’ you pressed a chaste kiss to his forehead. “We’re going to make it out of this, okay? Almost there,” you said, gripping his face seriously. He merely looked at you with the same expression as always.
Crawling over to the bench, you dug the nail from the hole with your fingers, shaking as you turned to the bars to poke your arm through the bars. Putting all your weight on your left foot, you fumbled about for a bit as your hands searched for the lock. Finally finding the lock, you pushed the nail in and quickly got to work trying to pick the lock. Twisting your wrist to try a new angle, you cursed loudly when you dropped the pin. “No!” you all but screamed, trying your damnedest to get the pin and help Sirius. “Alohomora,” you suddenly heard a young girl’s voice whisper. With a click, the lock opened, and the door swung open. Confused but grateful for the assistance, you figured your best bet was to crawl and keep in the darkness. Heart pounding in your ears, you trusted Sirius not to hit you by accident as you got closer. Finally, when you were within arm’s reach, you took a deep breath and went for it. Reaching out, you wrapped both arms around Bellatrix and held tightly as she screeched in shock and thrashed madly in your arms. Pushing off with your good foot, you took her to the floor. Through her thrashing, you managed to get your hand wrapped around hers and pried her fingers from her death grip on her wand. The tell-tale light clatter of wood on stone gave you a new rush of energy. “What? Who?” she shrieked, trying her best to turn and see who had her. “Leave! Him! Alone!” you yelled, holding tighter as she thrashed. “It’s over, Bellatrix,” Sirius suddenly huffed. Just as shocked as she was, you turned your neck and saw Sirius, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Remus, and Tonks all standing with their wands pointed directly at the two of you. You were pleased to find Hermione gripped Bellatrix’s wand in her hand. “The filthy Mudblood darehold my wand?!” and the thrashing started once more. Ignoring the pain, you hooked your leg around her hip, turning to smother her. “Shut up!” you roared, bringing your fists down on her. “Y/N?” Sirius said, his voice laden with surprise. “Somebody get the bloody attack dog already!” she shrieked from under you. You felt a strong arm wrap around your torso and lift you from Bellatrix with ease, all the while thrashing to get back to her. “We’re leaving,” Remus heaved, his chest stained with blood. “And we’re taking them with us,” you said, pointing to Alastor and Circe, who were just now crawling timidly from the cell. “It won’t matter,” she said, grinning a mad smile as her teeth were red with blood. “We’re going to win.” “No you won’t,” Harry spat, looking angry. At his anger, Bellatrix let out another cackling laugh. “Silencio!” you shouted, snatching Sirius’ wand from his hand. Sirius looked at you, highly offended, and you placed the wand back in his still outstretched palm. “I was tired of hearing the bloody twit squawk.” “I second that. In fact,” Hermione added, “PetrificusTotalus.” And with that, Hermione used Bellatrix’s own wand to bewitch her into stillness, her face frozen in an angry shriek.
“With her own wand,” you clucked, giving Hermione a small smile. “Excellent touch.” “I vote we leave,” Ron said, looking around anxiously. “I second that,” Remus said, laughing breathlessly. Tonks wrapped her arm around Remus’ waist and slowly led him from the cave. Hermione guided Alastor and Circe out into the snow, Harry and Ron following. Just as you turned to leave, Sirius spun you around and pulled you to him. “I’m so, so, sorry, Y/N,” Sirius said against your ear. “C-can’t, breathe,” you choked out. He loosened his grip, but didn’t let go. “I never meant any of what I said–” he started, but before he could finish, you reached up and grabbed hold of him, wrapping your legs around him.
“I’d kiss you, but I’m pretty sure I got sick back there,” you laughed with tears in your eyes. Joining you in laughter, Sirius held you tightly against him. “I’m so glad you’re okay, Godric. I was so worried about you and–” seeming to remember, he dropped you and whipped around. “Moony!” “Ow!” you yelped out, your ankle exploding in pain once more. “Are you alright?” Sirius said, spinning around to you once more and looking concerned. “Better than I was when I first arrived,” you joked–he didn’t laugh. “Just broke my ankle, is all.” “Oh, well, if that’s all then,” he rolled his eyes at you. Turning his back to you, he squatted slightly and held his arms out. “Go on, then.” Rolling your eyes but grinning, you hopped onto his back. As the two of you stepped out of the cave and into the cold night air, you saw Hermione speaking to Alastor and Circe. “I’m alright, honest. I can stand on my good foot, you go and see my brother,” you said as Sirius came to a halt. “Are you sure? I can have Ron take my place,” he asked you, turning to look at you. “Promise,” you smiled, pecking his cheek. Smiling back, he gingerly set you on your feet, looking concerned when you winced. “Are you alright?” Hermione asked them. Dropping to her knees, she enveloped Circe in a hug as she cried freely. Alastor didn’t answer; he still had the dead look in his eye, staring blankly into the distance, seemingly indifferent to the cold around him. You were about to walk over to him when you saw his eyes swim back into focus. “H-Harry Potter?” Alastor blinked, life slowly seeping back into him. “Yeah,” Harry half-smiled, walking up to him. “Are you okay? You’re bleeding.” “I’ve been bleeding for months,” he answered darkly. “But not anymore, thanks to you.” “Honestly, I barely did anything at all,” Harry answered honestly. “In fact, I wasn’t even supposed to be here.” “But you are,” Alastor said simply. With a rush of emotion, you realized Harry was the answer. Though he might not have been the formidable wizard his reputation held him up to be, you saw he was the equal to Voldemort; he was the life to Voldemort’s death, the good to his evil. He always had been. More importantly, though, the people believed him to be Voldemort’s equal, the only hope against him. As long as Harry lived, and as long as people saw him living, fighting against Voldemort, hope would live on. Looking away from Harry and Alastor, you noticed Ron approaching you, shrugging out of his coat. “Here, you’ll freeze,” he said, holding the dark-blue fabric out to you. “Oh, no, I’m alright,” you lied, a cold shiver betraying you as the wind picked up. “I’m not taking it back,” he said stubbornly. “Besides, if you get this one all bloodied up, maybe Mum will buy me one of my own finally.” “Alright, thanks, Ron,” you said after a moment, smiling and taking the heavy fabric from him.
Pulling on the still slightly-warm fabric, the forest around you was suddenly filled with the yells of Sirius. “What? So, you just figured you go on and take him on yourself, did you? Aren’t you supposed to be the bloody smart one? I mean, exactly whatis the point of the mirrors if you don’t even alert me to at least let me know what you’re walking into? You could’ve died, you stubborn, detrimentally independent, crazy bastard! And then what? Just gonna leave me then too?” “No, of course–” Remus started, looking both pained and guilty. “No, I’m still bloody talking,” Sirius cut him off, looking fierce. “Don’t you ever do that to me again, Remus or I swear on James’ grave it’ll be me who finishes the job. In fact, if they hadn’t already done you in so well, I’d take you to the floor right now for putting me–us, through this. Matter of fact, where are the miserable sods? I’ve got some things to work out just now.” Tearing off once more towards the caves, Harry and Ron followed him dutifully while Tonks stood with Remus, grabbing his face and wiping the grime from it, the tears in her eyes freely falling.
“Oh, darling,” she said softly, pulling his tall frame down to her. After a moment, you saw Remus’ shoulders shake slightly, and looked away from the tender scene. “Guys, they really need a doctor, as does Y/N and Remus. We need to go,” Hermione fretted, using a cloth to sop up some of the blood on Alastor’s face. “I’ll go on and take Remus to Hogwarts, Madam Pomfrey will know where to start. The rest of you can meet us, yeah?” Tonks suggested. “Here, take Alastor too, I’ll bring Circe. I don’t think I’m strong enough to apparate with both just yet,” you said. “I forget they aren’t old enough yet,” Tonks sighed, gesturing for Alastor to join her. “Go on, Alastor, Circe, and I will be right behind you,” you assured him. “Alright,” he said, his voice dead again. With a pop, Remus, Tonks, and Alastor disappeared from view, leaving you, Hermione, Harry, Ron, Circe and Sirius in the cold.
Pairings:Sirius Black x reader, Sirius Black x Gryffindor!reader, marauders era! Sirius Black x reader, Marauders x reader
Warnings:language, hinted fighting
Word Count: 3,240
A/N:Holy shit I’m aliveeee. School kicked my ass this semester as always :) but it’s all over now. I’ll probably be uploading another chapter of this soon and I even opened up my Grimmauld Place doc for the first time in months. Idkkkk. Anyways Merry Christmas and enjoy! Because it’s a bit of a cliffhanger I’ll be posting the next chapter hopefully tomorrow!
Ambient noise filled the Receiving Chamber as you walked into the towering castle. Turning towards the Great Hall, the sound only increased. Each of the tables had a few dozen people already seated, chatting quietly. The girl from Hufflepuff with a horrid case of acne seemed to have found the right salve, and the redhead from Ravenclaw started wearing glasses. Turning towards the Slytherin tables, you took your time to scowl at a haughty-looking Narcissa Black. She turned to her deranged sister and whispered, and both of them turned towards you, giggling. Your face flushed with anger as you looked at the two of them; whatever had been said had now been told to the whole group, and they all turned towards you, snickering.
“What?” you snarled, unable to hold back. This, of course, only caused them to slightly lower their laughter but continue.
“Problem, mates?” Sirius said, stopping beside you and draping a playful yet protective arm around your shoulders.
“Not at all, cousin of mine,” Narcissa said, smiling wickedly. Even as hateful as she was, there was no denying her beauty; her pale skin and equally pale hair seemed to almost twinkle underneath the thousands of floating candles lighting the hall.
“Cousin?” Sirius snorted. “Haven’t you heard? I’ve been disowned, not your family anymore, Cissy,” he sneered, using Bellatrix’s nickname.
Disowned? You knew he came to James’ early this summer, but had no idea that was the reason. It took everything in you to quell your curiosity. Besides, to get any real answers out of Sirius, you knew you’d have to get him alone.
“You say that as if that’s a good thing,” Bellatrix hissed from next to Narcissa, her lip curling as she glared at Sirius.
“Honestly, it’s about bloody time,” Narcissa sniffed. “Never did behave as a Blackshould.”
But Sirius ignored her, instead choosing to respond to Bellatrix.
“A good thing?” Sirius snorted, “Bella, darling, let’s be reasonable here. I hate you, you hate me, now we’re not even family,” Sirius rolled his eyes, continuing walking once more towards the Gryffindor table. “Even you have to admit it’s better this way. Now you hateful, snobbish, deluded lot can have your way with each other without any interference from little old me.”
“Oh, it is; we’ve finally gotten rid of the blood traitor.” Bellatrix snarled, enraged he’d bad mouth their family. “Look at you, hanging round with that mudblood. It’s pathetic.”
The group of you simultaneously tensed at the word Bellatrix used.
“Indecent, really. I expected better of you,” Narcissa sighed, her lips turning up in a small smile. James stepped in at that point.
“Watch your mouth, Black,” he said, taking a step next to Sirius.
“Careful how you speak to a lady, Potter,” Lucius sneered from a couple spaces down. Narcissa’s eyes flicked down to his spot, and her grin grew.
“Uh oh, looks like I’ve made the Mudblood lover angry, watch out, everybody!” Bellatrix cackled, her wild mane of hair shaking with laughter.
“I would, or maybe you should ask Severus here what happened last time he pissed Jamesy here off,” you lilted, gesturing to the sallow boy hunched over in front of them. His head snapped up, and he blushed with anger. Smirking, you decided to push him farther; if it wasn’t to be a secret anymore, you might as well have fun with it.
Closing your eyes and hoping it worked–you’d never done it on so many people–you took a deep breath.
Communicating in your special way with one person was easy, pushing the same thought to several people was possible–but much more difficult. It’d taken till 4th year to push to more than two people at once. Conjuring the image of an upside-down Snape, with his sickly, pale legs on display, you pushed hard towards the seated Slytherins in front of you. Clenching your fists, you pushed harder, finally breaking into a smile as you heard each of their gasps.
Suddenly, you felt a hand on the small of your back, steering you away. Opening your eyes, you found it was Sirius leading you.
“Come on, Twitch,” he said, pulling you towards an already seated Remus and Peter.
“It’s all right, I’m done,” you shrugged, smiling nastily at a glowering Bellatrix over your shoulder. Suddenly, she was on her feet.
“How did you do that?” she screeched madly, her wand in hand.
And then all hell broke loose.
Suddenly Remus, Lily, James, Peter, and Sirius all had their wands drawn, pointed at the equally tense group in front of you. Narcissa, Lucius, Severus, and Avery had joined Bellatrix. Your temper was running wild, heart hammering in your chest, the sound drowning out much of the chatter in the Great Hall–or perhaps everyone had stopped to watch.
“Like this,” you sneered, this time pushing an image of a wailing Bellatrix, sobbing as her hands were covered in boils. Just as she opened her mouth to hex you, Slughorn’s massive figure teetered into view.
“Malfoy? Black? Potter? Black? What in Merlin’s beard is going on here?” he said, looking confused.
“Bellatrix here pulled her wand on Y/N. We’re just backing her up, Professor,” Lily simpered, batting her eyes at Slughorn.
“As are we,” Severus said severely, lowering his eyes at James, the both of them still holding their wands to one another.
“Alright, alright. Enough! You boys–the testosterone between Slytherin and Gryffindor will be the death of this school–everybody put down your wands!” he bellowed, causing everyone who wasn’t already watching the scene to look at you now.
“Now then, you five, get to your table,” he said, pushing the group of you forward. James and Severus glared at each other until James sank into his seat and was distracted by Lily whispering in his ear. Your eyes, however, had yet to leave Bellatrix’s–who glared at you still from her seat at the Slytherin table.
“Let it alone, she’s insane,” Sirius whispered into your ear as the two of you sat opposite James and Lily. Pulling up an image of you viciously hexing Bellatrix, you pushed to her again and were pleased to watch her fist hit against the table, causing everyone nearby to jump.
“Maybe I’m just as bad,” you shrugged, watching her squirm in her seat.
“Hey, look at me,” Sirius said. Unable to tear your eyes away, you continued to fuck with her, pulling up various hexes for her to watch.
“Hey,” Sirius said once more, this time grabbing your jaw with his hand and pulling your face to look at him, “I said look at me. Stop.”
Something in the tone in his voice kept you from smartly retorting–besides, how were you supposed to focus with his storm-grey eyes boring intensely into yours. A tingly feeling erupted in the depths of your stomach, and you complied. After a moment, you came to your senses and pulled yourself out of his grip.
“Fine,” you grumbled, cheeks beginning to heat as Sirius’ fingers left your face tingling.
“She’s gonna end up killing that cousin of yours one of these days,” Lily said, looking at the two of you from her seat with James across the table.
“You say that as if it’s a bad thing. She’d just as soon curse you dead right in this bloody hall,” you grumbled, crossing your arms.
“They’ll get theirs,” Remus reasoned, closing his book as Dumbledore scraped his chair, rising to begin his speech.
“Yeah, I’ll be the one giving it to them,” you replied, growling slightly.
“That’s my girl. Give ‘em hell, Twitch,” James smiled, popping a bite into his mouth. “I’ll be right behind you,”
“Alright, you two,” Lily said, quelling the two of your aggression. Though you remained silent, you seethed in your seat and caught Bellatrix’s eyes frequently. The surrounding chatter quickly quieted as Dumbledore reached the podium.
“Another year passed, another year started,” he began, smiling warmly at the students around him. “How lucky I am to stand before your smiling faces. How fortunate we are to fill you with knowledge.”
Though he continued speaking, James’ commentary drowned him out.
“That’s not all they’ll be filled with, eh, Pads?” he grinned, nudging Sirius’ arm from across the table. Sirius didn’t have time to respond before James yelped.
He pulled his leg up from under the table where you’d kicked his shin and used his other hand to rub his bicep where Lily had pinched him.
“It was a joke,” he pouted.
The two of you shared a small grin and turned back to Dumbledore.
“–but that’s of no matter. Now, let us welcome a new batch!” With that, he spread open his arms in greeting, and the doors of the Great Hall swung in. Led by a tight-lipped McGonagall, the first years shuffled quickly behind her, their faces a mix of intense anxiety and awe of the room before them.
“Oh! Just look at the ickle firsties!” Lily simpered, smiling widely at the group–a small boy with curly black hair tripped over his robe.
They reached the top of the room, and all stiffened as McGonagall grabbed the ancient hat and placed it on the rickety stool.
“This is the Sorting Hat, its job is to place you in your House. The House which the hat places you in shall be your family here. You shall dine together, study together, and sleep in the same rooms. Once I call your name, take a seat on this stool and place the hat on your head. That hat shall then place you, and you will take your seats at your table.” McGonagall explained, eyes dancing over the students. One of the students towards the back seemed to actually be shaking.
Unrolling the piece of parchment, she cleared her throat.
“Abernathy, Owen,” she called, and a boy with curly back hair shuffled his way to the stage.
“Do not fancy trading places with any of those lot,” Peter muttered, looking anxious for them.
“Wasn’t that bad, Wormtail,” Remus responded, casting a quick look back at him.
“Easy for you to say! The hat didn’t take nearly 10 minutes with you, did it? Thought I’d broken the bloody thing,” Peter quivered, remembering the day. James and Sirius laughed under their breath.
Hufflepuff clapped loudly as the first of the new batch came to join their table.
“Crawden, Caleb,” she rang out. A round of applause from Ravenclaw.
“DePonte, Leila,” a small girl with long brown hair seemed to tip-toe to the front and sat down on the chair. The hat had no sooner come to rest before it shouted, “Slytherin!” She grinned and danced towards the table on the far end of the room.
“Definitely a Slytherin,” you and Lily said at the same time.
“Flintwood, Jacob,” another round of applause from Ravenclaw.
“Bloody hell,” Sirius sighed.
“No new Gryffindors this year, then?” James finished.
“We’re only at F,” Lily said.
“Yes, but this must not have been a good batch. There are only about a dozen left,” Remus pointed out.
“Gold, Penelope,” another Hufflepuff. You exchanged a glance with Sirius.
“Gore, Ben,” a small boy with black hair similar to James’ detached from what must’ve been his twin and walked up to the stool. After shooting a nervous glance back down at his brother. He placed the hat on his head.
“Gryffindor!” the hat ripped. Happy to have at least one, your table erupted into thunderous applause. Finally, a new Gryffindor.
“10 sickles says his twin gets in,” Sirius grinned, sticking his hand towards James.
“10 sickles says he doesn’t,” James grinned back, reaching a hand across the table.
“Gore, Wren,” a girl who looked just like her brother traipsed up to the stool and shot a hopeful glance towards your table.
James and Sirius shared an excited grin as she placed the hat on her head.
“Gryffindor!” The boy let out a visible sigh of relief as his twin punched her fist in the air in an excited sort of way.
“Whenever you’re ready, mate,” Sirius teased.
“Oh, shut it, pretty boy,” James grumbled, laying a couple of silver coins in Sirius’ outstretched hand.
“Have you ever noticed, even when I’m being insulted, they can’t help but notice my looks,” Sirius said, lifting a spoon to study his reflection. You all collectively rolled your eyes and sighed.
As your eyes settled, they happened to land on Bellatrix, who still sat glaring at you from her table. And just as though the last few minutes hadn’t happened, the anger settled back into you tenfold.
Dinner passed quickly, though you didn’t eat much, instead spent your time stabbing at your food.
After the annual speech from Dumbledore, it was off to the common rooms for the night.
“Are you still upset?” Sirius asked as the group of you began trodding up the never-ending staircases to Gryffindor Towers.
“No,” you lied. He gave you a knowing look, and you looked away. There was just something about Bellatrix that grated you beyond belief. Perhaps it was Sirius’ connection to her, or your years of quarreling, all starting after she’d laughed as you gave a wrong answer in first-year Transfiguration. The thought alone sent your blood boiling, and it was lucky Peter and Remus happened to be trailing behind, or you’d have slinked back and searched her out in the halls.
The group of you had finally reached the portrait of the Fat Lady at the entrance, her smiling graciously as her students disappeared behind her.
“Twitch,” Sirius whispered as James and Lily stepped through. Remus gave the two of you a curious glance, but followed in after a hurrying Peter.
“What?” you grouched.
“Come on,” he jerked his head back down the stairs. Before you could ask him what he was on about, he grabbed your hand and pulled you down the stairs.
“If we hurry, we might be able to catch them,” he said, looking back at you as he ran. His dark hair whipped around his face, and a mischievous smile pulled at his pale pink lips as he grinned back at you.
Sirius would be the death of you.
The two of you sprinted through the winding halls and down the towering staircases. You’d been so distracted by the sight of the sun setting through one of the glass panes, you didn’t even see Nick. Feeling as though you’d just stepped out of an icy shower, you yelled out an apology to him as Sirius raced on, his tight grip on your hand forcing you to keep up.
“Be more careful!” Nicolas yelled back, sounding grumpy.
Finally, out of breath, the two of you skidded into the stairwell leading down to the dungeons. Grinning, you realized what he had in mind.
The corridor was filled with the robes of the Slytherin students heading back down into their own common rooms for the night. Your eyes flitted over everyone’s head, looking for the wild bunch of curls. Finally, you saw them just about to disappear into the same hole dozens of other Slytherins had, in a wild act of desperation, you called out.
“Trixie!” you shouted. It worked. She dove back out of the hole, shoving two Slytherins to get past. “Fancy a little duel?”
“C’mon Lucy, you know it’ll be fun,” Sirius taunted, prompting the white-blonde boy to whip his own head in search. Each of you had a favorite to fuck with; For James, it was Severus–though Sirius never said no to joining in–for you, Bellatrix, for Sirius, it was Lucius. Remus thought himself to be, and truly was above all it; he only got involved when it was about to go too far.
Just as the two had locked eyes with you, you turned to Sirius and smiled. Nodding, the two of you took off at a sprint once again.
“Coming to get me, Trixie?” you yelled out, taunting her. You heard her let out an annoyed shriek, but she didn’t dare pull her wand with the looming threat of Professors so nearby.
“Where are we going?” you hissed to Sirius as he expertly sprinted through the maze of hallways–you really had to start studying that damn map.
“On the grounds, by the greenhouses. Nobody should be out there this time of night,” he panted, turning quickly and bounding up the set of stairs in front of him.
“Scared, Y/N? Is that why you and lover boy are running?” Bellatrix yelled, likely needing to hear your voice to know where to follow; she and Lucius had fallen far behind in their confusion of the entangled corridors of their own dungeon.
“You wish, you twit,” you laughed. At the end of your sentence, you heard the thunderings of running footsteps and knew they were on your trail again.
“Come on, Lucy. Keep up, won’t you? My mother runs faster than you,” Sirius laughed.
After another few quick turns, you were running up a sloping tunnel. Seconds later, the two of you came out just a few yards from the greenhouses, panting wildly.
“Now what?” you said, putting your hands on your knees and forcing deep lungfuls of the cool night air into your body.
“Now, you duel,” Sirius said, putting his hands on his head and catching his breath.
“What?” you said. Dueling was always the way he and James handled their disagreements, but they didn’t understand the more refined art to girl arguments.
“If you aren’t angry enough to duel, you aren’t angry,” Sirius shrugged, grinning at your surprised face.
“You best hope I don’t turn my wand on youafterwards, Sirius,” you hissed at his dark face.
“Here they come–I’d start thinking of spells if I were you,” he grinned, pointing his wand at the opening that now was leaking the sounds of arriving footsteps. You took his advice and conjured all the hexes and jinxes you’d watched them perform over the years.
“Merlin, did you have to run through the entirety of the castle?” Bellatrix hissed as she saw your faces in the moonlight. “Couldn’t you have found an empty classroom like a normal person?”
“Come on now, cousin; where’s the fun in that?” Sirius grinned, looking utterly relaxed as he leaned against the greenhouse, twirling his wand in his hand.
Pairings:Sirius Black x reader, Sirius Black x Gryffindor!reader, mauraders era! Sirius Black x reader, Marauders x reader Warnings:Language, slight bullying (?) Word Count:3,196
Y/N POV
“What does he want with me, though?” you hissed anxiously to Lily, adjusting your robes as you followed her. You’d never been invited to any ‘Slug Club’ events.
“Dunno, he’s alright, though. Little snobbish, but harmless,” she shrugged, leading the way.
“Maybe it has something to do with my gift,” you wondered aloud. “What if it has something to do with my gift?”
“I thought we were the only ones who knew about it?” Lily asked, turning to look at you with her bright, emerald eyes.
“Well, you, James, Sirius, Peter, Remus, McGonagall, and Dumbledore,” you said, frowning as you realized the number kept growing; you doubted how much longer you’d be able to keep it a secret.
“Maybe one of them let it slip? I mean, it’s not exactly an express secret, is it?” Lily asked.
“Not really. But if the whole school finds out I can push thoughts into people’s heads and potentially make them do things, well, I’d never get left alone,” you said. “And that’s the best-case scenario.”
“I suppose that’s true. We’re an understanding lot,” she grinned, turning to you as she slowed her pace.
“I’ll say; took in a psychic and a teenage werewolf. Maybe it isn’t compassion so much as it is a desperate need for adventure,” you teased.
“For Potter and Black? Undoubtedly a pathological need for adventure; me? Compassion, definitely compassion,” she teased back.
Stopping suddenly at a solid compartment door, she turned towards you and fluffed your hair.
“Alright, mum, thanks,” you sighed, swatting at her hands as they brushed your robes. Laughing at your comment, she pushed open the doors to expose a spacious compartment filled with about 8 people.
Groaning to yourself, your eyes first fell to Lucius Malfoy and Theodore Nott. Standing in the middle of them was Severus Snape, hair greasy as ever. His eyes followed Lily for a while until they met your icy glare.
“Malfoyand Snape?” you hissed, tugging on her robes, “I thought you said Slughorn was alright?”
“Lily! Hello, my dear!” Slughorn called jovially. At his words, every pair of eyes fell onto the two of you. “Oh, and I see you’ve brought the lovely, Y/N.”
“Hello,” you smiled sheepishly, not really sure what you were doing there.
“Well, now that we’re all here, shall we?” Slughorn said, gesturing to a round table with seats for all in the compartment.
Lily walked forward and chose a seat, you filled the one next to her. A Hufflepuff you recognized as Wendy Slinkhard sat next to you and gave you a small smile, which you returned.
“Have a good Holiday, Lucius?” Slughorn asked the blonde seated next to him.
“Excellent, Professor, excellent. My father sends his best,” he smiled graciously, his voice as oily as the hair of the boy next to him.
“Ah yes, Abraxas, good man,” Slughorn laughed, his belly falling up and down.
“Slimy git,” you whispered, causing a giggle to bubble from Lily’s lips. At your noise, Slughorn’s eyes fell to the two of you and broke into a great smile.
“Lily, Lily. Whispering again, are we?” he said, though there was no tone of scolding.
“Well, it’s just Malfoy mightget offended if I called him a slimy git to his face, sir.” Despite her words, she smiled serenely, and Slughorn let out a loud laugh.
“That he might, that he might,” he allowed, still laughing. Smugly, you turned to a highly annoyed Lucius and grinned.
“And you! Ms. Y/L/N! It’s a wonder we haven’t met yet,” Slughorn smiled, now turning to you.
“I’m in your Potions class, sir,” you said, slightly annoyed. Lucius and Theo snickered, and you shot them murderous glares.
“Ah, yes! I remember now, your Draught of Living Dead was almost as good as my two stars’!” he laughed, gesturing to Snape and Lily. “Sorry, so many students, you understand.”
“Almost,” you said, forcing a laugh out as Snape’s smug face swam before your own.
“You should see her charmwork, sir. She outdoes me every class,” Lily offered, smiling at you. It was true; where Lily was truly gifted in Potions, your subject was Charms.
“Yes, I’ve been hearing great things about Y/N, lots of great things,” he smirked. Lowering his voice dramatically, he leaned forward as much as his massive figure would allow. “Some of which are truly incredible. Is it true?”
Sighing, you knew he was referring to your gift.
“So much for a secret,” you pushed to Lily, eyes falling to the Slytherins. She gave a sympathetic shrug.
“Yes, it’s true,” you pushed, looking into Slughorn’s black eyes. He let out a great rip of laughter, and everyone in the compartment looked incredibly confused except Lily.
“Sorry, sir. But is what true?” a Ravenclaw boy you knew to be named Holden said.
“Y/N here is truly gifted. More so, I daresay, than anyone in this room.” Slughorn complimented, looking at you with a special glint in his eye. Your bruised ego was soothed as the Slytherins glared at you from across the small table. “Y/N here holds a gift I’ve seen in any capacity only once before.”
In front of you, you saw Snape straighten his back, and his face lost what little color it ever held.
“How?” Lucius snapped, “Sir?” he added as Slughorn’s head snapped to him.
“This is how you slimy git. You can hear this, can’t you? Well, no one else can. See, I can put my thoughts right into that empty blonde head of yours–I mean, seriously, it feels especially spacious up here.” you pushed, smiling maliciously at the icy blonde as his eyes were stuck open in horror. “I could make you do whatever I want, if I pleased, been working on it. And when I say whatever I want, I mean whateverI want. I wouldn’t push it, Malfoy.”
Lucius was looking at you in horror, mouth fallen open. Unlocking your eyes, they fell to Snape, who wore a look of mild interest.
“Would you like a taste, Snivellus?” you sneered, peering into Snape’s black eyes. He looked shocked for a moment but quickly recovered back to his constant glare.
“Lovely, isn’t she?” Slughorn laughed, having no idea you just threatened the Slytherins in front of you with mind control.
“Lovely,” Snape sneered, still looking at you. “Tell me, wherever did you learn such a thing?”
His tone was condescending interest, but behind the facade, you could see his eyes burning with envy.
“Didn’t. Born with it. The first time I did it, I was still in diapers,” you shrugged, loving the way this answer seemed to infuriate him more.
“Fascinating,” Slughorn breathed, his massive figure pressed against the table in interest. His gut spilled over onto the table, and you vaguely wondered whether he had much feeling around his massive midriff.
The rest of the train ride was spent in the compartment with Slughorn as he gushed about both previous and current students. It wasn’t long before you all felt the train begin slowing down, causing Slughorn to trail off.
“Ah! She’s slowing now, it seems. Best be off to your compartments!” he said. “Snape, Malfoy, Nott, I’ll see you later tonight? To welcome all the young new Slytherins?”
“Certainly, sir,” Nott said, smiling his awful smile as the group of them slithered from the room.
“Lily, dear, whenever you’re passing! Same for you, Ms. Y/L/N!” he called as the two of you made to leave.
“If I ever make it down to that wretched dungeon,” Lily teased, causing another great rip of laughter from Slughorn.
“Come now! You know you love that Potions room!” Slughorn called into the hall from his room.
From the semi-crowded hallway, Lily allowed a soft laugh as everyone returned to their compartments. Though, you didn’t make it too far before you were halted by an incoming Ravenclaw.
“Oi, Evans!” a tall, blonde boy called, coming to rest by her side. “Good Holiday?”
“Alright. What do you want, Boot?” she sighed. The boy looked shocked at her bluntness, and you shook your head. Boys fawned after Lily almost as girls did after Sirius, yet Lily’s suitors had much, much less luck. You understood, of course, Lily was gorgeous with flaming locks of hair and the brightest green eyes you’ve ever seen–but after a while, it started doing things to one’s self-esteem.
“Just wondered if you fancied a Hogsmeade trip?” the boy asked, leaning against the wall, trying to recover.
“The first one’s not for weeks,” she said, looking confused.
“I know, though I just might go ahead and ask. You know, before anyone else does,” the boy said, smirking down at her.
“Oh!” she said, looking shocked. “Like a date?”
The boy seemed to be losing confidence as Lily spoke, and you bit your lip to keep from giggling.
“Er, yeah. Like a date, if you want,” the Ravenclaw said, eyes falling to the floor.
“Oh, er. I’m sorry. No,” she said, smiling apologetically.
“Why not?” the boy asked, affronted.
“Because I said so, you git,” she responded, getting angry.
“You haven’t got a reason! Can’t just turn down a man without reason. Not like you have a boyfriend or anything,” he pouted, sounding more and more childish as he spoke.
“I do have a reason: I don’t want to. Besides, maybe I have got a boyfriend,” she said maliciously, her red hair shaking down her back as she angrily crossed her arms.
“Where the hell are you going with this?” you asked, confused. Lily ignored you.
“Oh yeah? Where is he then?” the boy asked, taking a step closer.
He was bold; you’d give him that. Super creepy, but bold.
“He doesn’t have to be with me all the time for me to say no to you,” she fired up. “No means no, you prick.”
Grabbing your hand, she made to walk away, but the boy caught her by the elbow.
“James!” Lily suddenly called out, putting a scared tone in her voice. It was purposeful, you knew. She loved to tease James, always giving enough lead to get him on it, but neverquiteenough.
Not even a second later, you saw James’ messy-topped head poke out of the compartment down the hall. At the sight of her and a male in such close quarters, he reached you in seconds. James’ eyes locked on the Raveclaw’s grip on her arm, and upon notice, the boy dropped her like she was poison.
“Oi!” he called, a dark look coming over his face. At the sound of his friend, Sirius’ curls came poking out a second later. A grin came over his face as he saw the determination in James’ step, and he followed, jogging to catch up. At the sight of James and Sirius approaching, the boy took a slight but noticeable step back.
“Oh, not so tough now, are we?” Lily snapped, walking to meet James. “He couldn’t take no for an answer. I told him I had a boyfriend, but…”
“Boyfriend?” James repeated, torn from his anger. The rolling waves that were just leaking from his essence turned to bright swirls, and you shook your head as you watched him look at her.
“Oh, shame on you, Lily. You know how he feels about you,” you pushed defensively; It was one thing to tease James, but the excitement rolling off of him was tangible. The cloud that would come when she shut him down once more would likely bring you down as well. That was one of the downsides of being psychic; others’ moods were genuinely infectious, for better or for worse.
“Oi, got a problem keeping your hands to yourself?” Sirius said, taking charge of the situation as his friend stared in shock at the redhead in front of him.
“Well, I didn’t think she was serious. Didn’t mean to hit on your girl, Potter.” the boy said, backing into the wall.
“Well, that’s not the point, is it?” James said, suddenly coming to his senses. Pulling Lily behind him protectively, you noticed how she gripped the top of his arm and rolled your eyes.
“Really laying it on thick, aren’t we?” you pushed, annoyed at her toying with James. She met your eyes with an identical glance, but she wasn’t the only irritated one here; you returned it.
“If she said no, she means no, you prick,” James said, advancing towards the boy.
Sirius took a step closer, smiling maliciously at the boy in front of him, and sensing danger, you too grabbed his arm like Lily had James’.
“Alright, come on, boys. I think he gets it,” you said, pulling Sirius back. You could feel the Quidditch games with James in his biceps.
“No, I think he could use a refresher,” Sirius said, taking another step forward but allowing your grip on his arm.
“Precisely what I was thinking, Padfoot,” James smiled at Sirius. Just before you physically stepped in between them, another voice sounded.
“Problem, boys?” Remus said, appearing behind you, stalling their advance.
“Yeah, Boot here never learned to keep his hands to himself,” Sirius said, backing from the boy considerably.
“Lily called, and I walked up to find him bodily restraining her,” James said, gesturing to the redhead behind him.
“Is that true?” Remus turned to the Ravenclaw.
“Bodily restraining?” the boy repeated, incredulous, “I just grabbed her arm!”
“So you were gripping her body, in a manner meant to restrain her?” Remus said, lowering his eyes. You found yourself staring; Remus’ anger was so seldom seen. The boy blushed with anger, but turned and left the group of you nonetheless.
“Come on, we’ve arrived,” Remus said, gesturing for the group of you to follow him and Peter.
Knowing a particularly interesting conversation was about to unfold, you let James and Lily go first, holding Sirius back,
“Hang on, trust me,” you pushed, smiling at him as he looked at you confusedly. He grinned back, and you swore your heart skipped a beat.
“What was that about?” James asked quietly. “You could’ve handled that. Hell, just last year, I watched you hex that 7th year Slytherin.”
“Dunno, though you might have liked to. Guess I was mistaken,” she shrugged, an airy tone in her voice.
“No!” James said hastily, “No, no. Of course, I’d like to–you just threaten to hex me as well every time I’ve tried.”
“Well, perhaps I was a bit hasty with you all these years,” she lilted ambiguously. Ahead, you saw Remus’ pace slow, and you knew he too was listening.
“What’s that mean?” James said, louder than he meant to. Excitement was beginning to leak out of him; you could feel it in the air around him; it was lighting color spots all over the compartment, like big, colored bubbles visible only to you.
Lily merely shrugged nonchalantly and smiled at him slightly.
“And don’t think I missed that part where you called me your boyfriend,” James continued on, determined to get her to reply.
“Yes, well, if you’re just going to continue telling people we’re together anyway, we might as well be, yeah?” Lily said, a small smile on her lips.
Practically dripping with emotion, James came to a complete stop. Being too wrapped up in the feelings exuding from James, you ran straight into him and nearly fell, Sirius catching you just in time as he was behind you.
“Oi, Prongs, the hell?” Sirius said, looking properly shocked, as though you hadn’tbeen listening in.
“Lily’s just called me her boyfriend,” James said, looking at Sirius with an expression of pure elation.
“Cheers, mate! That’s great, just when I was starting to think it’d never happen,” Sirius smiled, wrapping an arm around his friend.
“I’ve just agreed to date him after nearly 6 years of begging, and yet he embraces Sirius first,” Lily said, shaking her head at the boys before her.
“Sorry, Lils. I’mnumber one in James’ life,” Sirius said haughtily, releasing James but keeping a protective arm around his shoulders. James rolled his eyes, but grinned at Sirius.
“I can see that,” Lily laughed, rolling her eyes as well.
“Lovely as this is, mates, we’re stopping up the hall,” you said, turning around to glare at a Slytherin as she bumped into you.
Grabbing James’ hand, Lily pulled him away from Sirius, their robes billowing in their haste.
“You nosy girl,” Sirius teased, poking your side as you two made your way to the platform.
“Oi! Remus was listening too,” you defended, though you laughed.
As you neared the exit, the sound of pounding rain wafted through the doorway, the smell of warm, wet pavement following soon after.
“Why is it always bloody raining?” you grumbled, pulling the hood of your cloak over your Y/C/H hair.
“Fucks up my hair every year,” Sirius groaned, equally upset.
“Pads! Twitch! Come on!” James called, waving you all ahead.
The carriage carrying the four of them began moving, and you and Sirius held your breath, running into the rain, jogging to catch up. James held the door open for the two of you and grinned as Sirius grabbed his outstretched hand, pulling him into the carriage.
“Faster, Twitch!” Sirius yelled, a wide grin on his face as he held his hand out to you. Finally, your fingers wrapped around his hand and James grabbed your other, pulling you into the dry carriage.
“Gross,” you muttered, using your sleeve to dry your face.
“I thought you liked the rain?” Remus asked, looking teasing.
“I do,” you answered shortly. “Doesn’t mean I want to be out in it when it’s pouring bloody cats and owls.”
“Oh, I’m starving,” Peter whined, looking hopefully up at the castle, largely ignoring the conversation.
“How? You about bought out the trolley,” Sirius laughed, swaying slightly with the carriage. Peter turned to scowl at Sirius, who playfully grinned back.
“I bet Moony here is looking forward to dinner as well,” he then turned his attention towards Remus, nudging his knee.
“And why’s that?” Lily asked from her seat next to James.
“That pretty Ravenclaw he fancies always sits right behind him at meals,” Sirius smiled, jeering at a blood-red Remus.
“Oh, piss off,” he mumbled. Sirius let out a barking laugh and leaned forward.
“Oi, Moony, I’m just fucking with you, relax,” Sirius said. Your favorite goofy grin lit up his dark features, and you couldn’t look away. As you made your way up the hill to Hogwarts, the moonlight lit at his bone structure, highlighting his carved features. His dark hair was tucked behind his ear on the side closest to you, putting his cutting jawline on full display.
Suddenly, you felt a nudge against your foot and tore your eyes away from Sirius to find a smirking Lily. Blushing furiously as she’d caught you, you tilted your neck down and hid your face behind your hair.
“Finally,” Peter squeaked after a few minutes of idle chatter, hopping from his seat. The group of you followed, and you smiled up at the towering castle in front of you; you were home.
Pairings:Sirius Black x reader, Young Sirius Black x reader, Marauders x reader Warnings:language, fighting, very very slight hints of smutish behavior Word Count: 2,721 A/N: The next story I will be uploading a part for is ‘A Shit Tutor’, so all my fellow Draco stans, fear not, more is on the way. Anywayyyy hope you all enjoy this chapter, enter Lilyyyy!
Ch 3: Gryffindor vs. Hufflepuff
Just then, a group of Hufflepuff girls came walking down the aisle, and after having made eye contact with a smirking Sirius, all started giggling and whispering intensely, shooting off random bright smiles as they passed. Peter smiled at one in the back hopefully as they slowed, and to your intense surprise, she smiled back timidly.
“Emmaline Nelson, Hufflepuff obviously, she’s in our year. I believe we have Transfiguration together this year if you fancy talking to her,” you pushed to Peter, who blushed something awful and stared at his feet.
“Aaaand, here we go,” James sighed playfully as Sirius beckoned one forward with his finger. She and her friends had evidently been pondering entering and stood in wait at the door. They all watched with jealous eyes as she approached him.
“Hello, love,” Sirius said, donning the silk voice he always did when talking to girls. A bitterness seemed to fill you entirely.
“Hi,” she giggled, going red in the face, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.
“Something you needed?” Sirius asked, grinning cockily at her.
“Uh,” she stuttered, giggling more.
“I might be sick,” you rolled your eyes as you looked at James, who made a gesture of agreement.
“Not really. Just, I mean, if you ever like, want a study partner or something, or whatever,” she seemed to be losing her nerve as Sirius continued to rake his eyes over her. “You can just let me know, ya know if you want.”
Leaning back, feeling suddenly intensely annoyed and wanting to look anywhere but at the two of them, you got out Jinx and began stroking him as he perched on your knee.
“Pretty bird,” the girl breathed, smiling at Jinx. You pulled a face in response, but hers told you it came off ruder than you intended.
“To study?” Sirius smirked, looking at her accusingly.
“Yeah, or whatever,” the girl smiled, grasping the ends of her hair nervously. It was simply more than you could take.
“Happy as I am the two of you are going to, er, study, perhaps spare us from the rest, yeah?” you quipped as Sirius smirked and opened his mouth to silkily retort.
Everyone’s eyes fell upon you, and you curtained your hair over your face, returning to stroking Jinx.
What the hell was that? Girls flirted with Sirius all the time; there was never a moment you didn’t catch at least one set of eyes on him. Sirius was hot, cocky, sexy, arrogant–but with the talent to back it up. And top it all off with a gorgeous set of dark curls framing a shadowed, structured face with high cheekbones and dark eyes. It wasn’t hard to see why he encaptured the attention of so many.
Face burning, you realized you found him hot too. Incredibly so.
The girl then looked at you, affronted, but turned nonetheless and stormed from the compartment.
“The bloody hell was that, Twitch?” Sirius said in an offended tone, gesturing to the storming Huffelpuffs shooting you dirty looks.
“Nothing, I don’t know,” you said quickly, tearing your eyes from the group of them. All four boys were peering at you confusedly, and you stood up sharply, causing Jinx to fall from your lap. Hissing in pain, you looked down to see three claw marks on your knee as he was shocked by the abrupt change. He hooted sharply at you and went back into his cage, turning away from you. “I uh, have to go to the bathroom.”
Face and knee burning, you walked with your head down to the bathrooms, mind reeling the whole time.
Sirius was no stranger to being flirted with, regardless of present company–hell, last year, he’d taken to snogging several on the couches in the common room as the younger years trailed off to bed. You remembered feeling annoyed when he did so, but that was logical, right? Who the hell wanted to watch that? Especially week after week with girl after girl. Perhaps you were just being prudish; sure, all the experience you had involved Alekand Nole, a dare, and a broom closet, but surely it was abnormal to blow through girls like that? Or do those kinds of things in front of prying eyes, right?
Pushing open the bathroom door, you groaned internally as you saw the same girl whispering angrily with her friends. Their looks turned murderous as you walked in.
Great. Well, too late now.
Trying to be quick about things, you almost made it out without a scene, but just after washing your hands, you were stopped.
“Oi, what the hell is your problem, Y/N?” the girl asked, her blonde hair shaking as she rolled her neck angrily.
“Excuse me?” you said, turning around to face them, temper already flaring.
“You heard me. What do you care what I do with Sirius, not like he’s your boyfriend or anything.” her friend giggled ruthlessly as she sneered, “Tell me, how is it that you’re best friends with the bloody Marauders, the hottest guys in our year and you can’t get even oneof them to snog you?” she said, laughing haughtily as her friends howled. Your blood boiled as their biting laughter filled the little room. “Not even that trail along. What’s his name, Peter?”
At the jab of both you and your friend, you snapped.
“See,you, unlike me, are a whoring slag who can’t wait to be the latest notch in his belt. AndI, unlike you, have self-respect, love. It’s quite simple,” you all but growled, turning to walk out of the room. You heard the outraged noises and almost made it back to the compartment when you felt a harsh tug on your hair.
“The bloody hell?” you yelled, jerking backward as she pulled, pain rippling from your scalp.
“I am notawhoring slag, you bitch!” she screeched, lifting her arm up to strike you. Seizing your chance, you bent and rammed your shoulder into her stomach, knocking her wind out and sending her flying onto her back.
After years of having an older Muggle, boy cousin who tormented you for sport, you learned how to take care of yourself.
“Y/N?” you heard Sirius’ voice sound out suddenly. In the midst of it all, the girl had gotten an iron grip on your hair and was now using her legs to kick angrily at you from the floor as her hands held you in place by your hair.
“Let go of my hair, you cheating whore!” you screeched, trying futilely to pry her deadlocked fingers from your hair.
Footsteps sounded down the compartment hallway, followed by various annoyed noises as they were pushed against the sides, Sirius barrelling down the hall to reach your voice.
“What the hell?” he questioned. “Let her alone!!”
For a wild moment, you thought he was telling you to leave her alone, but a second later, you felt a pulling sensation around your midriff. Yelling out, you reminded him of her grip on your hair, and he yelled out an apology and dropped you, warning James as he came skidding to a halt seconds later.
“What in the bloody–” Remus cut off, seeing the girl kicking at you like a monkey from her back.
“Little help whenever would be great, boys!” you called, scratching at her arms and wrists to loosen her grip on your hair. “Only bitches pull hair!”
“Stupefy!” someone called, and suddenly you were airborne. As you flew back, you noticed several strands of your Y/C/H hair had come loose in the girl’s fists.
You hit the ground with a thud and gasped as you fought to force air back into your stunned lungs.
What happened next was utter chaos.
Spells went flying from behind you at all angles as each of the boys shot a different hex at the wand that’d sent you flying. Various crowd members who had poked out to figure out what all the noise was about began screaming and jetting off in different directions in the cramped hallway space, trying to dodge the bouncing hexes. Spells then started flying towards the boys in retaliation, and finally regaining your breath, you got to your feet and pulled your wand to help.
“What in the hell is going on here?” you heard the voice of Lily Evans enter the scene, and James immediately straightened and fluffed his hair before she came into view. Finally, she broke the crowd and turned, glowering at the group of you.
“Should’ve known you gits were involved, honestly Remus, you’re a Prefect!” she hissed, scolding the boys, who all began to interject.
“Y/N? What’s happened?” Lily asked, walking concernedly over to you as you sopped the flow of blood free-streaming from your nose. Seemed the twit managed to get one good hit in.
“Thatslag attacked me; evidently, somebody’s a little sensitive,” you sneered, lowering your eyes at the girl in front of you who was now sporting an ever-growing nose as small antlers were making their way out of her head. Looking down, you saw her hands twitching violently and smiled at the boys in front of you.
“Is that true?” Lily turned to the girl, who was bright red with embarrassment and fury.
“I wouldn’t have had to if the stupid bitchhadn’t poked her nose where it doesn’t belong!” she screeched, pointing her finger at you accusingly.
“Well, it looks like you’re about to do the same, Pinnochio,” you jeered, causing her to pounce once more, this time being dragged back by the male Hufflepuff Prefect.
“Alright everyone, show’s over! Back to your compartments before I hex the lot of you nosy sods!” Lily yelled at the onlookers, causing all to duck back into their compartments, shutting the doors tightly behind them.
“Excellent handling of the situation, might I say, Ms. Evans,” James simpered, already kissing Lily’s arse.
“Potter, you are downright shameless,” she said, lowering her bright green eyes at James as he grinned back boyishly, “And you, Remus, been shirking on responsibilities again, have we? I’ve just finished situating the first-years when I hear what sounds like a fightat the Gryffindor end of the train! Honestly, theleastyou could do is control yourlittle friends if you’re going to leave the rest to me, yeah?”
“Right. Sorry Lily, most rude of me…” Remus nodded solemnly, feeling as though he wholeheartedly deserved her reaming. Lily seemed to soften slightly under Remus’ guilt, and she breathed out, relaxing her shoulders and unclenching her fists.
“Well, I dunno about everyone else, but I’m starved,” you said, pulling your sleeve back to see the bleeding had finally ceased.
“Come here, Twitch,” Remus beckoned, pulling out his wand once more, “Tergio.”
You felt the funny sucking feeling of all the blood leaving your face, and you wiped a spot to find your fingers clean.
“Cheers, Moony!” you smiled as he blushed slightly and grinned back.
“I could’ve done that,” Sirius said, sounding oddly annoyed, “Come on then, here comes the trolley.”
Sure enough, you heard the comforting voice of the old woman with the Honeydukes trolley wafting down the hallway as she made her way down the train.
“Care to join us?” James asked Lily hopefully, gesturing forward with his arm. Not bearing to see your friend’s crestfallen face when she likely refused as always, you intervened.
“I’ll make sure he’s on his best behavior,” you pushed, looking at her meaningfully. “C’mon, Lils, he’s really not thatbad…”
And to your intense surprise, she caved.
“Alright,” she sighed, stepping into the cabin. You didn’t need to be part psychic to feel the excitement rolling off of James as she stepped by him, sinking into the seat next to his.
“Didn’t even know Hufflepuff’s fought,” Remus sighed, collapsing into his seat.
“Haven’t even made it off the train, and little Twitchy is already getting in duels,” Sirius jeered, knocking your knee with his hand. A rush of heat flooded you, and you blushed, hoping the others would take it as embarrassment about the fight.
“Well, if you’d stop entertaining rubbish like that, I wouldn’t have to,” you quipped, glaring at Sirius before offering him a small smile. Peter giggled at your comment and kept checking the window every few seconds, anxiously awaiting the trolley.
“Oh, believe me, I’ve learned my lesson,” Sirius said, looking at you rather intently. Before you could blush again or give yourself away some other way, Lily spoke.
“Oh, I see. So I tell you off about those girls of yours for years, and you can’t get it through that thick skull of yours, but Y/N gets in one little row…” Lily shook her head, leaning back before she could get her temper going again.
“Amazing, isn’t she?” James said quietly, his voice in awe as he gazed, mesmerized at Lily–who blushed pink at his comment.
“Oi, Prongs, mate. We can all hear you,” Sirius laughed, whispering playfully at his friend. Everyone’s laughter was interrupted at the arrival of snacks.
“Anything from the trolley, dears?” the old woman smiled sweetly at the group of you.
After spending most of her time there dolling out Peter’s numerous sweets, each of you had your treats, and she was off to the next compartment.
“Coconut ice and cauldron cakes?” Lily laughed as you happily sucked on a coconut cube. As you sheepishly looked around, you caught Sirius watching you, his eyes seeming darker than usual, somehow.
“What? They’re my favorite!” you defended, loving the way the sweet spread across your palette. After months of your grandmother’s unimaginative cooking, this was heaven–it had to be.
“Oooh, can I have a chocolate frog?” you asked, seeing Sirius’ stack on his lap.
“Help yourself, Twitch,” he shrugged, opening one of his own. “Alberic Grunnion?”
“Oh, you boys best stand up and salute!” Lily laughed as Sirius read out the name. The boys merely shared confused looks.
“The maker of the dungbomb!” you explained, to which they all erupted into a chorus of ‘oh’s’ playfully gave a salute to the card in Sirius’ hand.
As you leaned in to grab a chocolate frog, you caught a whiff of the new fragrance potion he must’ve been trying out. He smelled of pine, smoke, and something sweet you couldn’t quite name. As you were distracted, your hand brushed across the seam in his jeans, and the both of you met eyes, you blushing a furious shade of red.
“New potion?” you pushed after a second, unable to bear the awkward silence between the two of you. He nodded imperceptibly and smirked slightly.
“Very nice.” you complimented. He shot you a small smile, and James turned to Lily.
“Have a good Holiday, then?” he asked her, looking hopeful.
“‘Was alright, try as Petunia might to make it hell. I wish Muggle schools and Hogwarts had opposite schedules,” she sighed, drawing one of her long legs up onto the seat.
“My god, could you imagine? Virtually never even having to see Blakely anymore?” you said, painting a dramatic look of longing on your face.
Everyone laughed, Peter actually choking on the three cauldron cakes he’d stuffed into his mouth.
“Apapneo,” Lily said, pulling her wand. Peter coughed once and looked up at Lily.
“Thank you,” he wheezed, smiling as he dabbed at his now watery eyes, bits of chocolate spilling from his mouth.
“Uhm, Lily Evans? Y/N Y/L/N?” a small girl in blue-lined robes asked, looking wide-eyed at the boys around you.
“That’ll be Slughorn, then?” Lily said, rising from her seat.
The girl nodded and ducked off, running back to the Ravenclaw section of the train.
“What’s he want with you?” James asked bluntly, looking put-off that she was leaving.
“Charming, Potter. He happens to like me. And Y/N, evidently.” Lily said, smiling at you. “Let me just get my robes,”
Using her wand, she sent her robes flying from her trunk, and you dug yours out.
“Have fun, girls,” Sirius said as the two of you made to leave the compartment.
“See you there, boys,” Lily sang back.
“Save us a carriage seat,” you said, turning back to shoot a wink at Sirius. His face looked funny for a minute, but he recovered quickly and shot one back.
Pairings:Sirius Black x reader, Marauders x reader Warnings:none, slight language (but that’s for every chapter rlly) Word Count: 3,108
As if on cue, you heard a knock at the door just as your foot touched down onto the landing. The sound of quick, heeled footsteps sounded immediately after; Grandmother briskly coming down the hall followed by the slower steps of Blakely as he surely wanted to gaze curiously at your friends.
“Prongs!” you breathed upon seeing James, smiling fondly at the messy mop of black hair atop your friend’s head.
“Twitchy!” he smiled back, opening his arms in greeting. You wasted no time in falling into them, smiling into his chest as his hug signaled the true return to Hogwarts.
“Mrs. Killianis,” James said, suddenly formal as he looked to your severe grandmother behind you. Following his gaze, you saw her eyes narrowing as Sirius and Remus all but fell out of the car, Peter’s wheezing laughter following them out.
You smiled fondly after them as Remus brushed the dirt from his knees, frowning up at Sirius. Sirius grinned back and ran a hair through his raven black hair, brushing it from his eyes.
“Hello, Mrs. Killianis,” Sirius said, his voice taking on a tone you’d never heard before. You and James glanced warily at each other.
“Hello, boys,” she said stiffly, her eyes now staring rudely at the scars littering Remus’ exposed skin.
Remus cleared his throat, clearly catching your grandmother’s eyes. “Shall we get your trunk then?” he said, clapping his hands together as he smiled at you.
You offered him a sympathetic smile and pushed an apology into his head at your grandmother’s rudeness.
“That’d be great, Moony, thanks.” you nodded. Peter followed him up into your room dutifully. After a moment or two, you heard what sounded like a reprimanding noise followed by a sharp smack and idly wondered what was going on.
“I suppose you’ll be staying at the school for the Holidays again, yes? Blakely and I were planning a trip,” Grandmother said suddenly–it didn’t take a genius to figure out you weren’t invited.
“Definitely,” you answered briskly. The choice between a Hogwarts Christmas with the boys and a visit to Grandmother’s sister’s house in the States with Blakely was a no-brainer.
“Lovely thing Hogwarts does, providing a home for the holidays,” James grinned, putting an emphasis on ‘home.’ Grandmother lowered her eyes, but Remus and Peter were already coming down the stairs, hauling your heavy trunk between them.
“Bloody hell, Twitch,” Remus huffed, blowing his thin brown hair out of his eyes, “What’d you pack?”
“Mind your tongue, boy,” Grandmother snipped as the two of them passed through the front door. “You won’t behave like the heathensthat you are in my presence.”
“Er,right,” Sirius scoffed, rolling his eyes and laughing under his breath. “C’mon, Twitch, don’t want to be late.”
Eager to leave the situation, you quickly followed the boys out and made your way into the baking heat. Just as they made to load your trunk, you clucked your tongue as Peter fumbled his end and dropped it roughly into the undoubtedly magically enhanced trunk.
“Sorry,” Peter winced, rubbing his hands together in an anxious sort of way.
“S’Alright Wormtail. Now, shall we get a move on, then?” James said, using his wand to swing open the car door for you. You heard your grandmother let out a small gasp, and Blakely took a step back. As most parents took the time to drop their children off at Platform 9 ¾, the journey there was generally a sort of grace period if you wanted to use magic; the Ministry wouldn’t take the time to differentiate each use of magic on this day between parents and students. Per wizarding law, they’d never seen magic as you didn’t use it during your time here–aside from your special gift.
“Please,” you said, turning to leave without glancing back.
“You aren’t going to say goodbye?” you heard Remus ask. You turned to answer him before you slipped into the car, but he wasn’t talking to you.
“Excuse me?” Grandmother said, clearly affronted he was saying anything more than ‘hi’ and ‘bye.’
“Honestly, Moony, just let it alone,” Sirius moaned as he made his way back out of the car to gather him.
“You aren’t going to see your granddaughter for 9 months, surely you’re going to at least say goodbye?” Remus pressed on, equally affronted. Sirius took a step closer to his friend, and you saw your grandmother’s eyes fall upon the several tattoos that already littered his arms; Sirius lived to upset his family, and tattoos were such a Muggle form of rebellion it only bolstered his point.
Her eyes then fell to the both of their wands, which were gripped tightly in their hands, and let out a breath she’d been holding. Lowering her eyes but acquiescing nonetheless, she sighed.
“Goodbye, then,” she said stiffly, nudging Blakely, who was locking eyes with a mischievous looking Sirius. Glancing behind Blakely’s head, you saw a dish hovering dangerously above his head and looked to see Sirius’ wand pointed right at it. Rolling your eyes, you pushed the dish back with your own and threw a knowing grin at Sirius.
“Naughty, naughty boy,” you said silently. He grinned back boyishly at you and threw you a wink.
“See you next summer,” Blakely allowed, lowering his eyes at you and grinning in an awful sort of way. You could’ve sworn you heard a growl on your right and found Remus glaring at Blakely, who swallowed harshly and disappeared back into the house. At that, you slipped into the front seat next to James, the rest of the boys piling into the backseat, Remus scolding Sirius for shoving Peter out of the way to get in first. Fondly, you smiled and listened to them bicker.
“Merlin, glad that’s over.” Remus shook his head as James smoothly pulled away from the house. “Don’t know how you do it all summer.”
“Aw, what’s the matter, Moony? Not a big fan of familial tension, are we? I think it’s rather quite nice; reminds me of home,” Sirius said with a fake voice of longing. James looked through the rearview mirror and rolled his eyes at Sirius.
“Muggles giving you hell again?” Peter squeaked from the backseat, grabbing the head of your seat and leaning up towards you.
He’d always been a mousy boy, but after his first successful transformation, his commonalities with his Animagi only became more pronounced.
“When do they not, Wormtail?” you laughed, throwing a gum wrapper at him playfully as you popped a piece into your mouth.
“Ooh, is that gum?” Sirius asked, peering over your shoulder from the backseat.
“Yes, but it’s Muggle-gum.” you reminded him.
“Bit boring, but it’ll do. Jamesy won’t let me smoke in the car,” Sirius sneered, looking amusedly at an annoyed-looking James in the mirror.
“It smells! Isn’t my fault Dad has the nose of a bloody hound,” he defended, looking disgruntled at the thought of being a do-gooder.
“Good ol’ Fleamont, what a chap,” Sirius laughed, spreading out on the backseat and draping his arm along the seats. He reached and affectionately gave Remus’ hair a tussle, jostling Peter in the process, who grinned.
“So, now that we’ve all been reminded how horrible my lovely grandmother is, how was everybody else’s Holiday?” you asked as James drove the car expertly around the busy London streets–Muggle driving was a skill he was particularly proud of.
“Oh, you know, wonderful as always. Mother only threatened to have me disenfranchised and disgraced twice this year, so that’s a mark better than last Holiday.” Sirius laughed, blowing bubbles with his gum but frowning in disappointment when they popped.
“Didn’t you go to Prongs’ early this year?” you asked, remembering James’ letter that Sirius had arrived a few weeks into break.
“Yeah, don’t know why the evil hag insists on having me around anyway. All she does is dote on Regulus and send the nearest object flying at my head. Don’t even get me started on Kreacher…I don’t think I’ll go back next year.” a dark look came over his features, and you found yourself staring at him.
“What?” you asked, shocked at the nonchalant tone of his serious words.
“Yeah, I didn’t so much go to Prongs’ early this year as I did run away,” he said, looking slightly sheepish as you looked accusingly at him.
“What? What happened? Why didn’t you tell me?” you gasped, turning in the front seat entirely to glare at him.
“Dunno, I mean, I’m telling you now, aren’t I?” he shrugged.
“Well, go on then, tell me more,” you insisted.
“Just more of the same Twitch. You don’t understand,” he paused, and his usual carefree, light demeanor vanished and was taken over by a dark cloud that seemed to fill the car. “That house, it’s like a black hole. It swallows you whole. It’s like a bloody residential dementor. Every decent thought you have gets sucked into the black wallpaper, every horrible thought you’ve ever had on repeat, magnified. I can’tbreathe in that house; they’re all so cozy, so comfortable in that dark, that evil. The Noble House of Black, it’s killing me slowly, draining the life out of me.”
He seemed aware of how much he was saying, how serious he’d gotten, because, at the end of the little speech, he let out a deep breath and forced a laugh, rubbing the back of his neck subconsciously.
“Nothing like Prongs’ here, for example,” he grinned up at his friend, who shot him one from the mirror.
“I mean, you basically already lived there,” James shrugged. “Besides, Mum was thrilled–you know, I think she likes you better than me sometimes.”
“Oh, she definitely does, mate. Euphemia and me? Kinda besties,” Sirius grinned, and the dark cloud dispersed. You found yourself staring at Sirius, chest full of emotion. The quickness with which he dismissed himself was almost worse.
“And, Moony? How was yours?” James asked, filling the silence.
“Decent, I suppose. Though I’ve almost worked my way through every decent book worth reading at the library closest to home, all the rest are the silly little Muggle books in that dingy section they have in the back…though I started reading this one called the ‘Bible’; Merlin does it tell some truly fantastic tales…whales eating people, turning water to wine, healing the blind–this Jesus bloke even rose from the dead! I reckon he was some type of early wizard or something, don’t know how the Muggles don’t…” he trailed off while the rest of you shared knowing glances. Moony was prone to monologues full of on-the-spot thinking, constantly prattling on about something he’d read in some book.
“You’re doing it again,” you shot a meaningful look at Remus, who blushed scarlet at your mental words and trailed off.
“Hey, no fair!“ Sirius whined from the back seat at you. "I wanted to see where he was going with that. There definitely could’ve been something in there well worth making fun of!”
“Opportunity missed, Padfoot.” James hissed in sympathy at his friend, smiling at him in the rearview mirror.
“You all leave Moony alone. Just because he gets abnormally excited about really obscure Muggle things doesn’t mean we get to make fun of him for it,” you shot a smile at Remus in the back seat, who rolled his eyes but nonetheless smiled around sheepishly.
“How was your summer, James?” Peter asked from the backseat, leaning up hopefully.
“Alright, my parents set up a little Quidditch pitch in the back; Sirius got his arse handed to him a couple times,” James smirked, throwing a playful grin at his best friend in the backseat.
Wormtail laughed gleefully at James’ story as he described a match while Sirius sat up indignantly, poised to argue.
“I’m a Keeper, Potter. Not a sodding Seeker. Not too quick to tell everyone how miserable you were at trying to get the Quaffle in, though, are you?” Sirius quipped from the backseat.
“Down, boy. We all know how great of a Keeper you are, wouldn’t have won that last match against Ravenclaw without you..” you pushed into Sirius’ head, stroking his bruised ego. He met your eyes in the rearview and smirked up at you, clearly appeased by your comment. Lounging lazily once more in the roomy backseat, he turned to Peter.
“What about you, Wormtail? Your Holiday good?” Sirius said, cocking his head at his friend with a mischievous glint in his eye.
“S’alright..” he trailed off, looking around nervously as Sirius grinned at him.
“Really? Didn’t miss having Prongs’ arse to kiss?” he sneered at his friend, who blushed and stuttered.
“Let him alone, Pads,” Remus smiled at his friend from across the seats.
Just as the boys began to bicker more harshly, James pulled into the parking lot at Kings Cross, and the group of you piled out of the car.
“Wormtail, go find us a trolley,” Sirius said, and with a wave of his hand, Peter was gone.
“Obedient little bugger, isn’t he?” Remus said praisingly, rubbing his chin.
“Why d’you think he’s made it this long?” Sirius laughed, lifting his trunk out of the car as Peter came wheezing around with the trolley.
“I’ve got it, Y/N,” Peter said, exerting tremendous effort to lift your trunk until Remus saw him and reached in to help.
“Thanks, Peter…always so helpful.” you pushed to him in thanks. You saw him blush violently and smile to himself.
Your gift had taught you many things, but perhaps above all: people were so easily manipulated, one well-timed compliment, and it could send a person fawning. Though you weren’t shy to use it to your advantage, it was lucky a person of your moral stature had the gift. It could be so easily used…perhaps it was thoughts like these that led to the Sorting Hat’s consideration of your placement in Slytherin.
Half an hour later, your trunks were placed in the train’s storage carriages, and the group of you were lounging in a compartment, your various pets making random noises as they settled in for the long train ride.
Jinx hooted sleepily in his cage before lifting his wing and drifting off to sleep. Sirius’ handsome jet-black Screech Owl, BamBam, seemed to take a cue from Jinx and buried his head into his wing as well. They almost resembled salt and pepper shakers as they stood next to one another in direct contrast. To most everyone’s intense surprise, Remus’ pet was a fluffy siamese cat named Cleo. Unsurprising, however, was Peter’s choice of a pet rat named Nibbles. Though, Nibbles was on his last leg–most common rats only lived a couple of years, and Nibbles had been with Peter since first year.
“What’re you doing?” Peter asked, sitting up interestedly in his seat as Sirius drew out his wand and flung open the compartment door.
“Having some fun,” Sirius shrugged, the grin you all loved so much donning his face. James watched his friend and broke into a smile; Peter seemed to be struggling to sit still with excitement; even Remus peered over the top of his book to watch.
Fully aware he was holding all of your attention, Sirius pointed his wand at the wall opposite your door.
“Carpe Retractum,” Sirius said, and a length of rope came spouting out at the end of his wand. “Bollocks…what’s that one to get something to stick to something else?” he asked into the compartment after a moment.
“Epoximise,” Remus answered from behind his book once more, seemingly having seen everything he needed to.
“Right, cheers, Moony,” Sirius smiled and did the incantation, sticking the other end of the rope to the wall. Pulling on his wand, he seemed to test his theory and smiled in success as the rope pulled taught–effectively making a tripwire.
“Very nice,” you complimented, to which you received a playful little bow of his head.“Might I suggest something, though?”
“By all means, Twitch,” Sirius said, gesturing to the tripwire.
“Omnino dissimulare,” you spoke, pointing your wand at the length of rope. As the white beam of light hit it, the rope disappeared from view, and you smiled triumphantly. You’d been working hard on that one towards the end of last term and were worried you’d have to start over with the holiday break.
“Excellent!” Peter cheered, clapping wildly at the two of you.
“Where’d you learn that?” Remus said, finally putting his book down and looking at you curiously.
“Been working on it for a bit. Found it in a book Madam Pince let me take home last Christmas,” you answered, feeling a bit smug that you’d impressed Remus.
“Pince let you take home books?” Remus said, incredulous.
“You know she pities me,” you laughed, waving a hand. “Though, she did threaten to turn me inside out if there was so much a creased page–so only marginally.”
“Wait, wait!” Sirius called, pointing to the door excitedly; Peter was positively quivering.
A group of already-robed Slytherins came strolling past your window, and you smiled in anticipation. At the last second, Sirius jerked his wrist and tightened the rope, sending the group of Slytherins sprawling across the floor.
The group of you exploded into laughter, and they all got to their feet, whipping their wands out, looking for a culprit. Given the rope was invisible, however, they found no such thing and resigned to giving the group of you ugly looks before grumping off.
“Oh, very good, Padfoot,” Peter simpered, laughing heartily as tears of joy rolled down his plump cheeks.
“A little juvenile,” Remus scolded, smiling ruefully at his friends, “But funny. However, as a Prefect, I am not to indulge in such behavior and as such must sincerely reprimand you.”
“Most eloquently spoken, dear Moony. Tell me, does being a Prefect mean you have to be just a bit of a prat on principle?” James asked his friend, painting a serious look on his face as Sirius and Peter erupted into laughter. You let out a small giggle as Remus blushed slightly and put down his book.
“Well, you should sure as hell hope not,” Remus began, smiling mischievously at his friend. “Imagine fawning after Lily Evans for years, at her often utter disgust, only for her to end up being a prat. Talk about unfortunate, mate.”
The group of you were in stitches over Remus’ response, and even James let out a laugh.
“Touche, Moony. Touche,” he laughed, shaking his finger at Remus in a playful manner. A warm feeling spread through you; you were so happy to finally be going home.
My Mum just told me to lose weight so here is just a little blurb of Sirius Worshipping chubby reader to make myself and you guys feel better.
Sirius Black x Chubby Fem!Reader
Warnings: weight, insecurities, body dysmorphia, swearing, sex refrences
*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*—*
Standing there in your underwear you were looking at yourself in the mirror. You felt insecure. All those other girls were skinny and looked perfect. You felt inadequate.
Sirius your boyfriend looked perfect. And you knew he had a type before you. Skinny and popular girls. You were different to those girls. Naturally, would feel insecure.
A knock on the door shook you out of your thoughts.
“Baby, Can I come in?” You heard the sound of your boyfriends voice.
“C-come in” your voice wavered.
He opened the door and came in with his usual cheeky smirk plastered on his face.
“Hey bunny… Marlene said you were a bit upset” he said quietly.
You looked at the ground in shame. Tears had came to your eyes.
One tear managed to fall.
“Oh Baby” he whispered and wrapped you in a hug.
“What happened My Love? Hmm. What’s got you feeling like this” he asked you still coddling you in a hug.
“Sirius look at me” you sobbed “ I’m awful looking. Those skinny girls walk around looking amazing and here I am…” You cried into his shoulder.
“I don’t know who you are but you can’t say those things about my girl. My Y/N should know that she’s perfect. I mean have you seen her. Look at her perfect eyes and her soft stomach and Merlin her thighs holy shit. My girlfriend is the hottest and most beautiful girl in the world. So whoever you are saying these things that are simply lies about My baby should leave. I need my Y/N/N back” You giggled through your tears.
“Agh there’s my perfect girl back” he smiled kissing you all over your face while laughter spilt out of you.
“S-siri stop it” you giggled.
“I can’t your just so GodDamn beautiful” he whispered finally stopping.
“I know you have insecurities my love we all so and that’s okay. But I need you to know that I love every single fucking part of your body and you my love. You are the most beautiful human to walk this earth and anyone who tells you otherwise is a fucking dumbass” You didn’t say anything in reply you just wrapped you arms around him tightly.
“Thank you” you whispered in his ear.
“I’m gonna make sure you know how beautiful each part of your, body is,” he said.
:Pairing: Sirius Black x Female Reader Word Count: 7.2k Synopsis: Her and Sirius have a complicated relationship and things get even more complicated when they agree to start a fake relationship to get their parents off their back Warnings: swearing, i think mention of champagne and smoking, and brief mention of outfits ;)
A/N:This is a bit wordy at the beginning but then the rest is pretty much dialogue
I wasn’t sure if it was fortunate or not that Sirius’ birthday was close to Halloween. I guess it was fortunate because it meant that we would be forced to talk things out, but then it was also unfortunate because we’d be forced to talk things out.
This wasn’t my strong suit and I knew from previous experience, it also wasn’t Sirius’.
Once my post-drunk thoughts disappeared the day after Halloween I realised that I had potentially overreacted. I guess it was sweet that Sirius didn’t want to do anything when I was hysterical after rejecting Tiberius and if I was being honest, I was tired of fighting with him. I had been fighting with him my whole life and his words on Halloween made me think that maybe he wanted to stop fighting as well. If he was ready to lay his armour down, then so I was.
After I had woken up in the morning with a pounding in my head that wasn’t solely because of the amount of champagne I had drank, I started sobbing as I recalled the events of the night before. My hands were rubbing my eyes to dry the tears when I eventually stood up and walked over to my desk to look at the stupid photo I had taken.
I looked ridiculous.
I felt ridiculous.
I wasn’t sure how, but somehow I had made everything worse when I already thought that I had reached my lowest point. I wiped my nose with the back of my hand and I put the photo in my top drawer so I wouldn’t have to look at it and sighed.
I blocked it out of my mind until it was the afternoon before Sirius’ birthday and I realised I didn’t know what to get him. He had got me such a thoughtful gift and I desperately wanted to return the favour.
I wanted to get him something nice and my mind instantly went to new watches and fancy suits, but he had gotten me something even nicer and spent a fraction of the price.
Not knowing what to do, I went to sit on my desk and I pulled out my top drawer to take out all of the notes I had received from him over the past year. His annoyingly neat handwriting was staring at me, but for a moment, I didn’t mind.
They were sprawled out on top of my desk and I pulled out the one from my birthday, skimming over it to see if anything inspired me.
I have given you my favourite book and I hope one day we can share our thoughts together, but I won’t blame you if you never want to speak to me again.
I almost laughed. I didn’t want to speak to him. Then and now. I didn’t want to speak to him right now and have to deal with all of the stupid choices I made. What if he was embarrassed by me after what I had done on Halloween and now wanted nothing to do with me?
I knew that I would only find out when I went to his stupid birthday and that really put me on edge.
But at least I knew exactly what I was going to give him now. I got a spare piece of parchment and my quill out, taking my time to make sure my writing was as neat as his.
Sirius,
On Easter, you asked me what I thought would become of us if you had been sorted into Slytherin. I told you nothing would have changed. You still would have annoyed me. But that was only half true. That night I couldn’t stop thinking about it and ever since then I have been selfishly wishing that you had been sorted into Slytherin. I think things would have been very different.
I don’t think I will ever stop caring about what people think of me, but I care the most about what you think. And I want to hear your thoughts. You don’t care what anyone thinks about you, but I hope you enjoy my thoughts.
This was a very Sirius Black book. Take that however you want.
Love forever,
Your Princess xxx
I spent longer than I usually would making sure that my writing was immaculate. Not that he would ever probably notice.
I wanted to write more. I wanted to tell him how despite all of the pain he had put me through, I’ve always known it was him, but I didn’t know what was going to happen and I didn’t want to take any risks and make an even bigger fool of myself.
I turned to the stack of books on my desk and pulled out the one that Sirius had given me for my birthday. The one with my messy scrawl on each page, with the corners bent and the spine broken.
I found a spare bag and put the book in along with my note. The bag was sparkly and silver and I knew Sirius was more of a gold person, but I hoped it would only serve as a reminder of who it was from.
I went to put the rest of his notes back in my top drawer, but when I pulled them all together, that cursed photo of me that I had taken on Halloween night fell out of the pile. I sighed as I bent down to pick it up.
I held it between my pointer and middle finger, moving them so the picture flicked back and forth. I thought about it. I knew it was a bad idea. I knew I’d regret it. I knew I should have put it back in the drawer where it came from. Or even just thrown it out. But instead, I quickly dropped it in the sparkly silver bag and stood up and walked out so I wouldn’t dwell on it.
The next night I was standing in front of my mirror. It was dark outside and my lights were making my jewellery sparkle. I was definitely overdressed for Sirius Black’s birthday. There was, of course, a reason that I had made such an effort. I’ve always cared about what people think of me, but I knew I cared more than I would like to admit about what Sirius Black thought of me. And if this all went downhill, at least I would still look good at the end of it.
I took a deep breath as I looked at myself in the mirror. It was going to be fine. Maybe I had made a big deal out of nothing on Halloween, but my actions weren’t unjustified. My pride had been hurt by Sirius Black one too many times and all I wanted was him to be vulnerable with me, just once. Hopefully this time, he would be.
~~~
“Welcome.” Walburga gave us another tight lipped smile, but when she took me in she couldn’t stop her eyes from lighting up.
“Oh he’ll just love you,” she whispered so softly I tried to pretend I didn’t hear it.
I felt like a fool. I had worn red plenty of times and I alwaysdressed nice. Why would anyone think that I had done this for a boy.
But I still smiled at her and thanked her, the sparkly silver bag hanging from my arm as we walked inside.
It was dark and cold outside, but it was warm and bright inside. It wasn’t as extravagant as my birthday or any of these other celebrations I had been too and there were barely any decorations up, but I wasn’t surprised. Sirius was never one to go all out for his birthday, even if I didn’t understand that all.
But I guess Walburga couldn’t help herself because there were still red and gold balloons around the place and a few happy birthday banners hanging on the walls. There was also music playing in the background that I wasn’t familiar with. It was playing quietly, but I could still tell that it was some band, no doubt, one that Sirius liked and Walburga had only put on because it was his birthday.
I walked around the room to greet everyone. I found it humorous that everyone from our society was in attendance, even if Sirius hated them all and they all hated Sirius. I guess everyone was too scared of Walburga to say they couldn’t make it.
My eyes scanned the room and I felt funny when I noticed a familiar head of red hair in the corner. I must have been staring for too long because she turned over to look directly at me and when she saw me, she started waving.
I was embarrassed already. She definitely wasn’t shy and she was making a big deal about trying to get my attention when she already had it. My eyes quickly scanned around the room to make sure no one was watching and when I saw no one paying attention to us, I quickly walked over to her in hopes she would calm down.
James and Lily Potter, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew, were once again sitting in the corner of Grimmauld Place looking completely out of place. They were usually present at Sirius’ birthday, so I didn’t find it odd, but I had never spoken to them here before.
“Oh Sirius will love this!” She squealed as she motioned to my dress and brought me in for a hug. There was a part of me telling myself that this was a horrendous thing to do and people were going to think horribly of me, but then there was a part of me who reminded myself that I had already spoken to Lily Potter at Halloween and still lived to tell the tale. I quickly pulled away in hopes no one would see us again.
“It wasn’t for Sirius,” I mumbled and she laughed, knowing that that was a horrible lie. When she turned her back to me to face the rest of his friends I noticed baby Harry was there and for a moment I wanted to go over to James Potter and take the baby right out of his hands, but I was brought out of my trance by Lily’s voice.
“Happy birthday!” She took a step behind me, her arms out ready for a hug. I didn’t want to but I knew I’d have to. I turned around and even though his arms were around Lily, his eyes were on me and my whole body went flush.
She quickly pulled away and went back to James and Harry leaving me and Sirius alone. My back was towards his friends and he was standing in front of me. He had black pants on and a black dress shirt. It was slightly creased, but he had on his horrendous leather jacket which helped in hiding it. His hair was done in its usual messiness and he was still freshly shaven from Halloween.
He was smirking at me and I wanted to slap him for it. He was so infuriating. I wasn’t sure how I looked or really, what I was doing. All I could do was stare at him. I wasn’t sure what to say and I was scared about what he was going to say. But it didn’t seem like he was going to start anything so I inhaled and said, “Happy Birthday.”
For a moment it seemed like he wanted to hug me, but my arms weren’t outstretched and he mustn’t have wanted to make the first move.
“Thank you,” he said. I smiled awkwardly at him and passed over the bag. I wasn’t sure where this awkwardness was coming from and I really didn’t enjoy it, but the look on Sirius’ face told me he did.
One of his eyebrows slightly raised at the present, but he took it gently from my hand, our fingers brushing as he did so.
“Thank you, princess,” he mumbled and I had to stop myself from giving in. To what exactly, I wasn’t sure, but I stood up straight and maintained eye contact with him.
We stood in silence for a moment before Sirius broke it.
“You came,” he said.
“It’s your birthday,” I said.
“I didn’t know if you’d come.” I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to say, ‘Of course I was going to come, I need to see where this goes.’ but I didn’t want to rush it.
Instead I went with, “I didn’t think you’d still be wearing this horrible leather jacket.” He laughed. A deep laugh that weirdly sounded like a bark. I missed that laugh.
I smiled at him. This was a familiar area. I could do this. I’d been doing this my whole life.
“You don’t even try to make an effort for your own birthday,” I rolled my eyes dramatically at him and he went back to smirking.
“Well,” he said and there was a mischievous look in his eye that told me I wouldn’t like where this was going, “someone did.” He looked me up and down and my whole body became hot. I simultaneously wanted to melt on the floor, but also burn him. When his eyes came back up he winked at me and I tried to keep my face neutral.
“Well,” I mocked, “I’m still looking for an eligible partner, I need to be looking my best.” I stuck my chin out at him and he scoffed. I hoped he would see right through me and when he ran a hand through his hair and groaned, I think he finally did.
“You drive me fucking crazy, you know that, princess?” He took a step closer to me and I shrugged.
“You drive me crazy too,” I argued.
“You know,” he paused as if he wasn’t sure he should say what was about to leave his mouth, “I almost didn’t wear this jacket.” I squinted my eyes at him, not entirely sure where this was going. “I knew you wouldn’t like it and for some unknown reason, I wanted to impress you. I’ve never cared about what people thought of me until you came along.” His voice was sincere and I suddenly felt embarrassed. He was so close to me and I was scared he was going to hear my heart beating.
“At least I’ve done you some good,” I said, “by giving you some doubt. You’re too vain.” He laughed. He was looking at me and I was looking at him and I decided that if he could share that with me, then maybe I could share something with him. “I guess,” I started, dragging out the last syllable, “I had you in mind when I decided to wear this dress as well.” I admitted reluctantly.
I’d never seen him smile so big.
“And I’m glad you did.” I rolled my eyes at him playfully and his eyes never left me.
“Oi, lovebirds.” My head snapped around at James Potter’s voice, but before I could send him a vicious glare Sirius grabbed my hand and squeezed it in his own. “Are you going to join us?”
“Shut up, Prongs.” I went to turn around to ask Sirius why he had just called his best friend Prongs, but before I could, he started walking over towards them, my hand still in his meaning I was dragged behind him.
If I was being honest, I didn’t want to sit with his friends. Regardless, they were still blood traitors and I knew going back to Sirius Black would do horrible things for my image, but this would be even worse.
“It’s the birthday boy’s request that you sit with him and his friends, and you wouldn’t deny the birthday boy would you?” He asked, apparently reading my mind. He turned back to talk to me while he continued to walk, my hand in his and my silvery gift bag in the other.
I rolled my eyes, not giving him an answer, but I followed him over to the lounge.
I sat down next to him and he was sitting next to Peter with Remus on one of the adjacent chairs and James, Lily, and Harry squished in another lounge meant for one person.
“So did he make it up to you?” Remus asked and all I could do was blink at him. Sirius slouched in the lounge, putting the bag on one of the tables next to us and placing a hand over my shoulders as I sat up straight, giving Remus a confused look.
“What?” I asked, wishing that Sirius would take over the conversation for me, but he just gave me a guilty look.
“He said you had a fight, but he was going to make it up to you today,” Peter explained and I froze. I guess I wanted Sirius to tell his friends on Halloween that we had broken up, but I never considered how fearful I was about how much detail Sirius would go into.
They were all staring at me expectantly and I wanted to answer them, but I didn’t know how.
“Don’t worry,” Sirius sat forward so he could murmur in my ear, “I didn’t tell them the full story.” I relaxed at that, but I still wanted to know exactly what he had told them.
“Oh,” I started, “uhm,” I turned to face him, but he wasn’t looking at me. His face looked worried. He was blinking fast and I could feel his arm tense around my shoulders and I would be lying if I said I didn’t like the power I held over him. “I guess he did,” I said and they all started cheering.
I was surprised. Sure, they had let me in on St Patrick’s Day, but it was obvious they weren’t fans of our relationship. I wondered what had changed to make them so excited about us.
Sirius finally looked at me and he gave me a sheepish smile and for the first in a long time, I beamed at him.
I leaned towards him, closer to his face so only he could hear me say, “But there is always room for improvement.” He shook his head at me, but pulled me closer to him regardless.
I stayed sitting with him and his friends for the rest of the night. A few people looked at me and gave me some funny looks, but apparently Sirius could tell whenever I saw it happen because he always took my hand in his and made an extra effort to include me in the conversation.
Which, I was actually joining in this time as compared to St Patrick’s Day. And I was learning lots, maybe his friends weren’t thatbad.
Eventually it was time for his cake and we sang and he blew out the candles only to smile back up at me immediately.
When it was time to go I said goodbye to his friends and I only wondered if people had seen me once they had left. It was too late anyway, I had spent most of the night with them. And weirdly, I enjoyed it.
I then went up to my mother and father who were waiting for me before they apparated away.
“Do you mind if I stay here a little longer?” I asked. I was feeling giddy and I wished I was calmer when I asked because my mother gave me an unimpressed look.
“Why? Do you have more blood traitor friends to ruin our image with?” I frowned at her words.
“I-no,” I mumbled, suddenly not so excited.
“Well why do you need to stay here?”
Before I could answer I felt a presence behind me and when they grabbed my hand I squeezed it in my own.
“Birthday boy’s request.” There was a smile on Sirius’ face and I hoped that when he looked down at me and I looked up at him, he didn’t see the way my mother rolled her eyes at him.
“She’s been here long enough,” she said and I looked down at the floor. There was a brief moment of ignorance where I thought Sirius’ words would change her mind, but then I remembered how much my mother disliked him.
“Oh, darling, there you are.” My head snapped up at Walburga’s voice and everyone’s eyes followed her as she came and stood on the other side of me. “You don’t mind if I keep her around a little longer, do you?” She asked, turning to face my mother. “I promise I’ll have her home before midnight.” She laughed and I couldn’t help but laugh as well. I was so shocked at what was happening and it seemed everyone else was as well by the looks on my parents’ faces.
“Oh, I guess that’s alright,” my mother said, but her face was saying something different. Her face was tight and when she smiled, it didn’t reach her eyes.
“Wonderful,” Walburga said, looking down at me, “thank you so much for coming.” She turned back to my parents and waved as they apparated away. My mother gave me one last unimpressed look before she left and then it was just me, Sirius, and Walburga.
I turned to face Walburga to thank her, but she was already putting distance between us, winking at me and walking away to give Sirius and I our space.
“I love your mother,” I said, turning to face him and letting go of his hand. He gave me an unimpressed look and I laughed. “Did you not see what she just did?” He shook his head at me and didn’t say anything.
It was just us, standing apart, facing each other, looking at the other, and when I stopped laughing we were standing in silence. The room was empty. Walburga had left and I was sure she had told Regulus and Orion not to go in either. The music was still playing softly in the background and the mess of the party was still around us.
“I promise I didn’t go into specifics when I told my friends,” he said, eventually breaking the silence.
“Okay,” I said. I was going to continue, but he cut me off.
“I told them that I fucked up because I should have told you how I felt and that I was going to make it up to you tonight, but that was all.” He said quickly.
“You’re very sure of yourself,” I teased and he smiled at me. “I don’t want to tell anyone we fake dated.” I took a step closer to him.
“What do you want to tell them?” He had a cocky look on his face and I hated that he was making me be the one to say it.
“I want to tell them that you’re still annoying me,” I said sarcastically and he chuckled.
“That’s weird,” he said, “I want to tell them that we’re actually dating.” He raised an eyebrow at me and for some reason I reached out to grab his hands.
“I guess I want to tell them that too,” I said and took another step closer to him.
“I should have told you that sooner,” he whispered.
“You should have,” I said.
“I’ve been spending the last year telling myself that I’m not good enough for you, and I’ve never thought that.” I rolled my eyes at him. “It’s the main reason I never said anything to you on Father’s Day and it was definitely the whole reason I reacted how I did at the engagement. You were confirming my biggest fear.” His voice was soft and he was rubbing circles on the back of my hand with his thumb. “That I wasn’t good enough for you.”
“That’s a shitty excuse.”
“It’s not an excuse. I’m a disappointment, I’m doing absolutely nothing with my life,” he stressed, “and you’re you. The golden child.” I gave him an unimpressed look but he only continued. “You could have had absolutely anyone you wanted, I’m sure you know how loved you are to these people and I know a few people who would beg to get a chance to prove themselves to you,” he rambled, “and I got that chance. And all I kept doing was fucking it up and for some reason, you kept showing up.” My heart was pounding in my chest and I wondered if Sirius could feel my pulse as he held onto my hands.
“We made a deal,” I whispered.
“And I kept having to remind myself of that. We were just a deal, there was nothing else involved. But I selfishly thought that we could be more and then you ended it and then I saw you with Nott and he looked like he belonged with you.”
“He wasn’t-”
“He’s rich,” he cut me off, “he can dress himself, he has a stable job, he could give you everything you wanted. I can’t give you everything you want.” I had never seen him so serious and I didn’t like how he was speaking about himself, but this was exactly what I hoped would come out of tonight, so I let him speak.
“I do want a lot of things,” I mumbled and he chuckled softly. “Do you remember on Mother’s Day when I went on that little rant to my mother?” With only us in the room, staring into each other’s eyes, I was sure that it was just Sirius and I in this world, and selfishly, I wanted it to stay this way forever.
“I do,” he said.
“Do you remember what I said?” I could see him replaying the conversation in his mind and I couldn’t help the grin on my face when I watched one develop on his own.
“Yes,” he said.
“Well I’d be willing to give it up to marry someone I loved…Yes mother, we’ve been dating for almost six months, I wouldn’t be with him that long if I didn’t love him.”
“I meant it all. I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it. I’m a horrible liar.” We were so close together that we were only whispering and I liked how intimate it felt.
“You are,” he said, “if it wasn’t for me, everyone would have known we weren’t actually dating.” I shook my head at him and ignored him.
“Well I meant when I said that love isn’t about money, “ I paused and he was smiling down at me, “and I meant it when I said I’d be willing to give up my luxurious lifestyle for someone that I loved.”
“You love Sirius Black?” He was mocking my mother and I gave him an unimpressed look.
“Maybe I do.” I wasn’t sure when it happened, but I knew I loved him. I finally admitted it to myself after Mother’s Day, but it was something that I think I had known for a while. There wasn’t a cathartic moment of realisation, nor was it something that I was really aware of. Falling in love with him was something familiar, something that made me feel safe to be myself comfortable being with him. It happened slowly and it took its time, but I knew it was there, the attraction had been there most of my life and the love was easy to follow.
“Well maybe he loves you back,” he said.
“A girl can dream,” I sighed dreamily and he tugged on my wrists so I had to take a step closer to him. “But I want to keep my job,” I said sheepishly and I suddenly couldn’t meet his eyes. In my mind, Sirius didn’t care that I wanted to keep my job, but I wasn’t sure if that was a reality.
“Of course,” he said and I smiled up at him. “I’d be a much better housewife than you anyway.”
“Well you could also get a job,” I teased.
“Sorry princess,” he frowned, “I’m accustomed to a certain lifestyle.” I scoffed at him and he was laughing and I couldn’t fight the smile spreading across my face.
“So,” I dragged out the syllable, “if I don’t care that you can’t give me everything,” I said, referencing what he had previously said, can you at least give me yourself?” My voice went higher and my shoulders went up and I knew it was cliche and stupid and I felt like an idiot. But I needed him to explicitly say it.
“Only if you let me wear this stupid leather jacket whenever I want.” Of course. I forgot who I was talking to. I hoped he was just teasing.
“Only if you promise to let me wear it when it gets cold,” I challenged. I wasn’t going to let him win. He raised an eyebrow at me and there was amusement written all over his face knowing my distaste for that jacket. “It looks better on me,” I explained.
“I really have ruined you.” He squinted his eyes together and squeezed my hands. “Okay,” he said thinking, “only if you let me take you for a ride on my motorcycle.” I had a feeling we could go on like this for the rest of the night.
“Definitely not,” I said.
“Well then,” he sighed, “sorry princess, but I can’t give you myself then.” I scoffed at him again and removed my hands from his to fold them across my chest.
“Are you serious?” I had never seen such an excited look cross Sirius Black’s face.
“Actually, I am. Sirius” I gave him an unimpressed look even though he looked so proud of himself for finally making that stupid joke.
“Fine,” I stuck my chin out at him, ignoring his laugh, “but only if you let me wear your jacket on the motorcycle because it’ll be cold.” Like I said, I wasn’t going to let him win this.
“I like the sudden interest in you wearing my leather jacket.” I rolled my eyes at him.
“I’m hoping if you see how ridiculous it looks on another person, you’ll stop wearing it.” He opened his mouth to go to say something, but then just pouted.
“That was rude,” he said. I giggled and he started taking his jacket off. “But I do really want to see how stupid it looks, so maybe you could wear it?” It was one of the lamest things I had ever heard him say, but I still took it from him and wrapped it around my shoulders.
I inhaled the scent. Oddly enough, it had become familiar. It didn’t smell strongly of cigarette smoke anymore, but it still lingered, and the distinct odour of wet dog was still there, but weirdly, I didn’t mind it. “Absolutely horrible,” he murmured, shaking his head. “You must take it off immediately.” I sighed and he took a step closer to me and grabbed the back of my arms in his hands.
“Whatever,” I said. “So…” I prompted.
“I guess I can give you myself then,” he said, “princess, will you please be my girlfriend.”
I took a step closer to him and nodded.
For a moment, I was staring into Sirius’ grey eyes and he was staring into mind. We were both quiet and for a moment, I thought we were going to kiss. We were so close I could hear his breath and for a moment, I wanted the world to stop.
“I really want to kiss you,” he whispered.
“Then maybe you should.” Apparently that was all the permission he needed because his lips were immediately on mine.
I was right. Nott was an unusually rough kisser. Sirius was much softer and when his hands moved to cup my face, his touch was gentle and I couldn’t help but lean into it.
He tasted a bit like birthday cake and I had to stop myself from giggling at it. We were both smiling into the kiss and I thought that all of our fights, all of our screaming matches, everything, was all worth it to get to this moment.
Eventually we pulled away when my brain decided that right now was the perfect time to remember what I had put in his bag and I was unbearably embarrassed by it.
“I should get going,” I said apologetically. He frowned, unsure about my sudden change in mood. “I don’t want my mother to stress. And Sirius?” He nodded his head at me, a concerned look on his face, “please open my gift in private.”
His face changed to one of shock but I didn’t want to explain it to him. I was already humiliated, but there was also a part of me that really didn’t want to take it out so instead I kissed his cheek and quickly said, “write to me, I want to see you soon,” before apparating away.
I knew Sirius Black quite well and I knew that he was going to immediately go and open my present.
“So?” My mother asked as soon as I walked into the kitchen. My heart was pounding and the embarrassment had subsided and been replaced with that giddy feeling I had felt earlier. “Are you together?” She eyed the leather jacket I was still wearing, but I chose to ignore it.
“Yes,” I said confidently, “we are together.”
“Well let’s hope this time it works out.” When I ignored the way she immediately went up to bed after she said it, it sounded nice, and so I decided to look at it in a positive way as I made my way upstairs and got ready for bed.
When I was comfortable and in my pyjamas, the leather jacket resting on my computer chair, I went to get into bed but before I could, there was a familiar knocking on my window and I almost tripped as I raced to open it.
There he was, still in the same clothes he was wearing this afternoon, an urgent look on his face. I opened the window and before he could enter he croaked out, “Princess, I think you’re going to kill me.”
He came in and I closed the window behind him so the cool air wouldn’t get in. I was giggling up at him and he looked like he was trying to control himself.
“That picture was,” he paused, “really,” he struggled to find the right word, “something.”
“Wow,” I laughed, “that makes me feel sogood about myself.” He took a step closer to me.
“Can I kiss you?”
“Please.” We were kissing once more and Sirius’ palms were cupping my cheeks and I was leaning into his touch and all I could think about was his lips on mine.
He still tasted a bit like birthday cake and when neither of us pulled away, I reached out to grab onto his shirt.
We stayed like that until eventually I pulled away when I needed to breathe. But apparently Sirius couldn’t get enough of me because he struggled to pull away and as soon as we were no longer kissing, he brought his lips back down to peck my own.
“I’m sorry,” he said, squishing my cheeks together as he brought my face closer to him so he could peck them again, “I’ve been dying to do this for ages,” he kissed me again, “I just,” another kiss, “can’t,” another, “help myself,” and one more. I was smiling up at him like an idiot and he was grinning down at me and I couldn’t believe that what I wanted had finally come to fruition. “I can’t believe you’re my girlfriend
“Alright loverboy.” I rolled my eyes and stood back from him. “Here,” I said, picking up his leather jacket, “I forgot to give this back to you.” I passed it to him, but he shook his head.
“You keep it, so you can wear it when I take you for a ride on my motorbike.” I groaned and he laughed.
I answered him with another kiss and he seemed to like that because his eyes crinkled as he smiled down at me.
“I have to get back to help clean up, will I see you soon?” I nodded up at him and watched him leave.
When I went to bed that night I couldn’t sleep. I had been thinking about this for a while, but I didn’t want to relive the humiliation of it so I kept pushing it to the back of my mind. But now I couldn’t stop myself from it.
I was suddenly twelve again. I was sitting in the Great Hall when there was a bang. I hadn’t been at Hogwarts for that long, but I knew that it was the sound of a dungbomb going off, but this was the first time I had ever been close to one.
I was sitting with Narcissa and a few other girls from my year along with some of Narcissa’s friends, and it seemed that they had all been a target as well. Most of the people sitting around us were.
It seemed the whole room was confused, but I could hear the laughter of no doubt the Gryffindors who would be the only ones immature enough to do something like this.
I had my hand covering my nose to protect myself from the horrid smell, so when I looked up and saw Narcissa with red hair, she couldn’t see the way my jaw hung open.
She had her hand in a similar position, but I saw the shock in her eyes and I heard her gasp and I knew my hair must have looked the same.
At this moment, everything was fine. Sure, we were going to have to go shower, change our uniform and be late for class, and yes, we would have had to do the charm to fix our hair and hope that we didn’t stuff it up and lose it instead, but that was all manageable.
Sure, I was angry and embarrassed and I wanted the people who had done this to suffer, but I was resilient and I knew life would go on.
But then I looked around the room. I knew everyone would be watching us, but then I saw him. Sirius Black. Him and his stupid group of friends were laughing and I was hurt. He was looking at me and he was laughing.
I couldn’t fight the frown on my face and I know Sirius saw it too. But he turned away. And then another round of dungbombs went off and they laughed louder and I dramatically stormed out of the room, not caring if I left my friends behind.
It was, of course, Sirius and his friends. There was no doubt about it. They were always doing stupid things like this, especially to Slytherins and now I wasn’t so sure why I was still defending him.
I didn’t want to admit it, but I knew that it was because I had never been on the receiving end of any of their antics, so I could easily say, “It’s his friends! They’re a bad influence.” Or “They’re just harmless pranks, he’s still the stupid kid we grew up with.” whenever people spoke badly of him, but really, I knew how he felt about Slytherins and about our society and I knew they weren’t harmless. I guess I thought that I was an exception to it.
Because we were friends. We still spoke, we still got along. But he knew it got me, he knew it would have got me, and he still let it happen. I was stupid to ever think I was an exception to him.
I cried the whole way to the dormitory. I didn’t care. I was hurt and upset and humiliated and I didn’t want to leave my dormitory for the rest of the year.
But when I walked into the Slytherin Common Room, someone was already there.
“What happened to you?” I sniffled and wiped my eyes as the door shut behind me.
“Your stupid brother,” I spat and Regulus stiffened.
“I’m sure he didn’t know that it hit you.” I wondered how Regulus knew exactly what I wanted to be true, but unfortunately, I knew it wasn’t.
“He did,” I huffed, “he saw me and he still did it.” My voice broke at the end, but I bit my lip so I wouldn’t start sobbing.
“I would hug you, but you know,” he said awkwardly, giving me an apologetic look. I probably smelled horrible.
“That’s okay,” I sniffled and went up to my dormitory.
As it turned out, Sirius and his friends weren’tstupid and there was no charm that me, my friends, nor Madame Pomfrey could use to get the red hair dye out and with two hits from the dungbombs, it seemed to linger on my skin for weeks.
I decided that Sirius no longer deserved my protection if I didn’t have his, and so, I made the mature decision to ignore him. And it didn’t take him too long to figure that out either.
The very next day he came up to me in the library. My friends sent him daggers, but I didn’t even look up from my book.
“Nice hair,” he sniggered. I wanted to yell at him. I wanted to hit him. I wanted him to know how much he hurt me. But I took a deep breath and kept reading my book. Or pretended to. “I think it suits you.” He was standing behind me and I wasn’t going to turn around.
I took another deep breath. I wasn’t going to give in. “But I do think you need to invest in another perfume.” He wasn’tgoing to get a rise out of me. I could tell that he knew I was purposefully ignoring him because his voice started getting more desperate. “Do you think your mother will like your new look?” I counted to ten in my head. “I thought it was funny,” he mumbled.
One of my friends sighed and stood up. They had been ignoring Sirius their whole life so really, how hard could it be?
“How about we go find somewhere quiet to study?” One of them asked.
“Please,” I said, staring right into Sirius’ grey eyes as I said it.
He looked dumbfounded. He looked like someone had hit him. He looked hurt that I was ignoring him as if he hadn’t publicly humiliated me.
But that was it. I didn’t want anything to do with him. I was no longer going to defend him because all of the nasty things people had been saying about him were true, it had just taken me a while to see it.
I wondered what twelve-year-old me would be thinking right now. I don’t think she’d be happy. Or, maybe she would be because the whole reason she was upset was because all she wanted was for Sirius Black to like her, but that prank just showed her that he didn’t really care about her. He knowingly humiliated her and that crushed her.
It was probably why nineteen-year-old me was so heartbroken when he humiliated her at the engagement. It was uncovering an old wound that I never really let heal properly in the first place.
I sighed. I really hoped that was over. I really wanted this to work.
