Moonlight on the River

Summary:songfic inspired by “Moonlight on the River “by Mac Demarco. November 1981.

Pairing:Sirius Black x Male Reader

Key:(Y/N)- your name, (L/N)- last name

Word Count:1300

⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅

I’d say, see you next time, if I thought there were a next time
Easy conversation, ain’t exactly where we’re at
It’s so strange, deciding, how I feel about you
It ain’t like, I ain’t used, to going on without you
I’m home, with moonlight on the river, saying my goodbyes
I’m home, there’s moonlight on the river, everybody dies
I’m home, with moonlight on the river, saying my goodbyes
I’m home, there’s moonlight on the river, everybody dies

⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅

The cold autumn night nipped at your nose as you searched. You hadn’t seen Sirius in two days and you were getting worried. Remus was resting as it was your turn to search. You felt dumb for letting him leave that night. You weren’t even sure what he was doing, rumors had started that he was the one who did it. It made your head spin as you cast a small warming spell on your hands, it was so cold. 

You reached your door coming back from a fruitless mission to find him, but you noticed a hooded figure waiting at the door. As you got closer you noticed it was Sirius’s sleep deprived face, he looked like he hadn’t slept in the whole 72 hours since he left that morning. Your chest hurt as you approached him, the soft streetlight reflected on his face, stubble sat on his face unshaved, his hair greasy and unkept. It was hard to control yourself, you wanted to scream and shout at him for abandoning you until your voice was lost, yet you wanted to hug and kiss his face softly and cry.

He turned towards you, finally noticing you walking towards. He looked as if he wasn’t there anymore. He wasn’t your Sirius anymore. The man who stood in front of you was a shell of his former self. You almost failed to see the man you knew behind it. It felt too long ago that he was smiling, his hair blowing in the late summer air. 

He was trying to say something to you, but your ears were ringing. You couldn’t focus on the words coming from his lips as you stared at them. He was going on about Wormtail, Prongs, secrets, how little time was left and explosions , but all your mind did was wonder to seeing him holding little Harry in his arms making little paper figures dance in the air. You took a step forward, trying to get a better look at who he had become. Maybe he was always this, you thought to yourself. How could you have not seen it? 

As if it was an open, warm invitation, Sirius also took a step forward, closing the gap between you, his eyes searching for anything in yours. Anything that could make him believe you trusted him. 

“Please don’t come any closer.” You said softly, your voices wavering. Your mind was on an unsteady balance, teetering on the end of caution. You crossed your arms, crawling into yourself. He looked hurt by this. 

“You have to trust me.” He said as if he hadn’t been on the run since that night. He looked guilty enough. He looked terrible. You felt awful inside unable to trust the man who held you so sweetly in his arms not even a week ago. 

“Did you-” You choked out as your eyes burned. It wasn’t really a question and Sirius had no real answer for it either. He just stood in silence, turning his back away from you. He couldn’t bear to look at you. You both knew what this was. You could feel your throat straining as you tried your best to repress a sob. 

“I did something bad. I know.” He admitted guiltily, his eyes failing to meet you. “Something truly awful.” He laughed sadly. His shoulders trembled as he spoke to you. “Something I know you can never forgive me for.” Your eyes widen. 

“Sirius, you’re scaring me.” You replied shakily, taking a step back. His voice ripped through his throat as he spoke like he’d been screaming for days. 

“Please believe I didn’t mean for it to get here.” He cried out desperately. Couldn’t he just leave you out of something for once. Couldn’t he just die with his friends? Why did he have to be here? Now? 

“He was our friend. They were our friends, Sirius.” You were horrified, he killed your friends. You started taking a few steps away from him, he followed the steps until you were backed up against your front door. 

“Please believe me.” He begged you, his eyes lit up by the soft streetlight. His facial expressions were desperate for you to say anything he could cling to. He was scared.

“I don’t know w-what to believe.” Tears were freely falling down your face, your throat burned as you spoke, closing and opening as you sobbed, scared. 

You screamed for Remus, praying he could hear you. Please don’t be asleep, you thought. You had found Sirius and yet now confronted with him. You were scared. You screamed once more trying to get anyone’s attention. Anyone. 

“I’m sorry I did this to you.” He choked out, you looked into his eyes, tears falling down his cheeks. You heard people apparating around you as Sirius graced your memory with one more sad smile. The last sad smile. 

“I love you, (Y/N). I hope you can trust me again one day, my dear.” That last thing he said to you, you screamed bloody murder as he got dragged away from you by aurors, but he just let it happen. 

“Sirius Black was arrested on suspicion of use in black magic and the betrayal leading to murder of one James and Lily Potter who died earlier this week. The Boy who Lived’s location is yet to be revealed if it ever will. Later Sirius Black was found at the residence of his former (Y/N) (L/N) and known lycanthrope Remus Lupin. They-“ Your stomach felt ill as Remus read the paper to you, you couldn’t bring yourself to even look at it yet. 

“Did they have to mention my lycanthropy?” Remus sighed as he read the news. You were still in shock, the cuppa in your hands shaking slightly as you listened. 

“Black will be sent to Azkaban without trial being charged for misuse of magic, an account of conspiracy against the ministry and one account of first degree murder for the case of three victims…” Remus fell silent at the end, closing the pages of news. “It’s not that interesting anyway. That was all they had on him. The rest is about Harry.” 

“Harry…” You said, looking at your uneaten toast. Your stomach curled further thinking about that poor boy. You missed him. You were supposed to have a birthday party today, Sirius’s birthday. Tears started to fall down your face as you stared harder at your toast. His gift was still underneath your bed. It felt trivial to cry over something like this, thinking about your favourite person in a cold cell on his birthday. The person who murdered and betrayed your other favourite people. 

Remus looked like he was barely holding it together either, holding most of himself together trying to help you. You heard a soft tremble of sobs coming from the other side of the breakfast nook. You looked up at him, his head down as tears fell onto the pages of the Daily Prophet. 

“He really can’t stay out of trouble.” He said it as if Sirius got caught sneaking cigarettes into the school again. “On his birthday no less. He’s always been for the drama. That bastard.” Remus looked up to meet your eyes, his face distorted in anger and sadness. You couldn’t help crying too, the walls you both put up came crashing down. 

Remus was suddenly on the floor in front of you, his head in your lap as he cried violently. You pulled his head up to look at you, wiping the tears on his face, bringing yourself down to him as you hugged him. You buried your face in his shoulder, him doing the same as you both cried until you couldn’t do anything, but tremble in each other’s arms. The last two Marauders, left alone together.

Summary: just some domestic stuff ‘cause washing your lover’s hair is the intimate thing you can do with your fingers.

Pairing: Sirius Black x Male Reader 

Key: (Y/N)- your name 

Word Count: 812

A/N: Sorry I’ve been gone for a month, I’ve been struggling with mento illnesses. I’m most likely going to purge my entire inbox because it’s really stressful haha…

His hands were intertwined with yours, his fingers running circles around your knuckles as the light of the new day streamed through the windows. You watched his chest rise and fall peacefully for once. You moved your hand sleepily to his chest, feeling the pulse underneath. His breath hitched as you did, but quickly calmed. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes and kissing your forehead softly.

“(Y/N).” He spoke softly, finishing your name with a kiss to your knuckles.

“Sirius.” You replied, humming with your eyes closed concentrating on his soft lips on your hands, the warmth travelling your entire body as he practically praised your existence.

“I…” He trailed off a little looking away from you as he tried to push out his thoughts.

“You?” You looked at him through your eyelashes, your eyebrow raised in question.

“I love you.” His eyes holding a sparkle of fondness only you got to see. He looked like he couldn’t stop smiling even if he tried, looked rather goofy on his sharp face.

You smiled widely, stretching your neck up to look at him, he was blushing slightly as he continued to fidget with your fingers, his eyes darting away from yours. You took your hand away from him, placing it on the side of his face and pulling him close. Your lips teased his, as you stopped a mere inch away. You smiled to yourself again as Sirius bridged the gap. His arm sandwiched underneath you as a pillar as you bent over him to deepen the kiss.

“We have to get up” You stretched across him, falling onto him with a small thump. He sighed and wrapped his arms around you, squeezing around you.

“What if we didn’t?” He said in between kisses across your shoulder and neck, making you shiver. You shook your head and pushed yourself up against him. He wrapped the duvet around him, only his face visible in his duvet burrito. You kissed his nose and he smiled warmly.

You yawned and stretched your limbs upwards, feeling the tension and relaxation of the action.

“Sexy.” He commented and you took a pillow to throw at him. He laughed his hands up in defence as you huffed. You took your shirt from the floor slipping it on as your feet found their way into slippers as you made your way to the bathroom you could hear him slipping his way out of bed, following you.

The water hit your sleep ridden muscles making you sigh as you heard the curtain open next to you.

“Mind if I join?” He asked, stepping into the shower regardless. You nodded and both of you did your shower routines, slipping past each other in sync to use the shower head.

“Hair?” You said, he nodded and lowered his head slightly. You grabbed the shampoo and slowly scrubbed the wash into his locks, letting him slip past so you could wash it out with the slowly cooling water. He sighed in content as your fingers deepened the massaging. He really was a dog sometimes, which became apparent as you mindlessly scratched the back of his ears with the shampoo making him sigh and lean into it.

“Feels nice?” You asked, scratching at his scalp to work it in.

“Beyond.” He nodded, lowering his head a little more so you could access the back.

“Rinse.” He hummed and let his head fall back as the shampoo washed out and down his body, he couldn’t help, but sigh again. You pulled his head in and kissed his forehead softly.

“Turn around for the conditioner” You said, moving back a little so he could turn around, resting his hands against the shower wall. You laughed a little to yourself.

“What?” He asked “oblivious” to him sticking out his ass for you to admire. You laid a hand on the small of his back feeling him lean into the feeling.

“Oh nothing.” You smiled, reaching for the conditions and repeating the previous steps.

You hugged him from the back, kissing his neck softly. “Breakfast?”

“Some eggs would be nice, maybe some toast.” He hummed softly, turning the shower off and grabbing your hands to hold and kiss.

“Sounds good, come on.” You moved away, grabbing his hand as you got out. He followed, grabbing you both towels. You sat back on the bed, goosebumps travelling across your body as the cold air settled on you. Sirius immediately attacked your head with a towel, softly scruffing it around to dry your hair. Standing up a little dizzy, you did the same.

You dressed in some lazy day clothing and went down to the kitchen to wait for Sirius to get ready.

“How about those eggs, huh?” He said as he entered, going for the stove with a pan that you weren’t sure he came in with.

Summary: drabble about Sirius’s death :) , (Y/N) reacts etc.

Pairing: Sirius Black x Male Reader

Key: (Y/N)- your name

Warning: sirius’s death, angst, survivor’s guilt, a lot of sobbing (i am venting)

Word Count: 536

He dropped to his knees looking down. A black abyss felt like it would tear him apart, limb from limb. The kind of heart wrenching sob that started in one person’s throat and lodged itself into another. His throat stung and flexed as he tried to get the words out, but nothing came out. Remus was pulling Harry back as best he could, (Y/N) couldn’t stop. It just came out now, horrible sobs that mixed with Harry’s screams.

He put his head in his hands, gripping at his own hair with a frantic inhuman sound coming from his throat. There was nothing he wished more than to switch places as he watched Harry scream. It should’ve been him, he repeated in his head over and over again. No one dared to comfort him, most too busy trying to calm Harry down.

“It’s broken.” He repeated over and over again as Remus tried to drag him out of there, but he wouldn’t budge, only looking up and down from his hands to the veil.

“We have to go.” He sighed, trying to comfort him the best he could given his own heartbreak.

“I won’t leave him there! He’s not gone! H-He can’t be. Please, Remus. Save him. Please.” He begged, his hands gripped onto Remus’s pants desperately, tears had stopped flowing almost 20 minutes ago now he just dry sobbed and heaved.

“I can’t.” He whispered softly, grabbing the back of (Y/N) head with his hand as he sobbed further into his pants.

“Y-You have to. Please.” It broke Remus’s heart, seeing his friend like this. With Harry gone and him and (Y/N) being the only people left in the death trap, he too fell to his knees with him.

“I couldn’t even if I-I wanted to.” He said shakily as he hugged (Y/N), keeping him from shaking harder in his grasp. He wanted to cry too… He’d lost his best friend.

“We c-can’t even have a proper funeral, Moony.” He shouted into the fabric of Remus’s jacket, gripping on Remus like he was the last thing keeping him together and in this moment… he was.!

“We just got him back.” Remus sniffed a little, hugging (Y/N) tighter. They were all that was left.

“Please make the hurting stop, Remus. Please.” He begged more, Remus’s figure started shaking a bit. A few sniffs escaping his careful facade.

“I don’t know how.” He choked out honestly, trying to muffle his cries into (Y/N)‘s coats.

“Neither do I.” (Y/N) stuffed his face into Remus’s jacket again, shielding himself from the hurt it brought him to look up. Just for a moment.

“Then I guess we’re in the same boat” Remus chuckled sadly, a real joke of the world, he thought. A cruel, stupid, reckless joke.

“Seems like it.” He held onto Remus, his feelings going numb as he looked at the veil in front of him. Of all the rooms they could’ve been in, it had to be this one.

“He’s really gone.” He spoke up again, sighing shakily as he felt Remus rubbing his back in circles. It made him feel calm for a moment, but moments never last anyway.