Summary:songfic inspired by “Moonlight on the River “by Mac Demarco.November 1981.
Pairing:Sirius Black x Male Reader
Key:(Y/N)- your name, (L/N)- last name
Word Count:1300
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I’d say, see you next time, if I thought there were a next time Easy conversation, ain’t exactly where we’re at It’s so strange, deciding, how I feel about you It ain’t like, I ain’t used, to going on without you I’m home, with moonlight on the river, saying my goodbyes I’m home, there’s moonlight on the river, everybody dies I’m home, with moonlight on the river, saying my goodbyes I’m home, there’s moonlight on the river, everybody dies
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The cold autumn night nipped at your nose as you searched. You hadn’t seen Sirius in two days and you were getting worried. Remus was resting as it was your turn to search. You felt dumb for letting him leave that night. You weren’t even sure what he was doing, rumors had started that he was the one who did it. It made your head spin as you cast a small warming spell on your hands, it was so cold.
You reached your door coming back from a fruitless mission to find him, but you noticed a hooded figure waiting at the door. As you got closer you noticed it was Sirius’s sleep deprived face, he looked like he hadn’t slept in the whole 72 hours since he left that morning. Your chest hurt as you approached him, the soft streetlight reflected on his face, stubble sat on his face unshaved, his hair greasy and unkept. It was hard to control yourself, you wanted to scream and shout at him for abandoning you until your voice was lost, yet you wanted to hug and kiss his face softly and cry.
He turned towards you, finally noticing you walking towards. He looked as if he wasn’t there anymore. He wasn’t your Sirius anymore. The man who stood in front of you was a shell of his former self. You almost failed to see the man you knew behind it. It felt too long ago that he was smiling, his hair blowing in the late summer air.
He was trying to say something to you, but your ears were ringing. You couldn’t focus on the words coming from his lips as you stared at them. He was going on about Wormtail, Prongs, secrets, how little time was left and explosions , but all your mind did was wonder to seeing him holding little Harry in his arms making little paper figures dance in the air. You took a step forward, trying to get a better look at who he had become. Maybe he was always this, you thought to yourself. How could you have not seen it?
As if it was an open, warm invitation, Sirius also took a step forward, closing the gap between you, his eyes searching for anything in yours. Anything that could make him believe you trusted him.
“Please don’t come any closer.” You said softly, your voices wavering. Your mind was on an unsteady balance, teetering on the end of caution. You crossed your arms, crawling into yourself. He looked hurt by this.
“You have to trust me.” He said as if he hadn’t been on the run since that night. He looked guilty enough. He looked terrible. You felt awful inside unable to trust the man who held you so sweetly in his arms not even a week ago.
“Did you-” You choked out as your eyes burned. It wasn’t really a question and Sirius had no real answer for it either. He just stood in silence, turning his back away from you. He couldn’t bear to look at you. You both knew what this was. You could feel your throat straining as you tried your best to repress a sob.
“I did something bad. I know.” He admitted guiltily, his eyes failing to meet you. “Something truly awful.” He laughed sadly. His shoulders trembled as he spoke to you. “Something I know you can never forgive me for.” Your eyes widen.
“Sirius, you’re scaring me.” You replied shakily, taking a step back. His voice ripped through his throat as he spoke like he’d been screaming for days.
“Please believe I didn’t mean for it to get here.” He cried out desperately. Couldn’t he just leave you out of something for once. Couldn’t he just die with his friends? Why did he have to be here? Now?
“He was our friend. They were our friends, Sirius.” You were horrified, he killed your friends. You started taking a few steps away from him, he followed the steps until you were backed up against your front door.
“Please believe me.” He begged you, his eyes lit up by the soft streetlight. His facial expressions were desperate for you to say anything he could cling to. He was scared.
“I don’t know w-what to believe.” Tears were freely falling down your face, your throat burned as you spoke, closing and opening as you sobbed, scared.
You screamed for Remus, praying he could hear you. Please don’t be asleep, you thought. You had found Sirius and yet now confronted with him. You were scared. You screamed once more trying to get anyone’s attention. Anyone.
“I’m sorry I did this to you.” He choked out, you looked into his eyes, tears falling down his cheeks. You heard people apparating around you as Sirius graced your memory with one more sad smile. The last sad smile.
“I love you, (Y/N). I hope you can trust me again one day, my dear.” That last thing he said to you, you screamed bloody murder as he got dragged away from you by aurors, but he just let it happen.
“Sirius Black was arrested on suspicion of use in black magic and the betrayal leading to murder of one James and Lily Potter who died earlier this week. The Boy who Lived’s location is yet to be revealed if it ever will. Later Sirius Black was found at the residence of his former (Y/N) (L/N) and known lycanthrope Remus Lupin. They-“ Your stomach felt ill as Remus read the paper to you, you couldn’t bring yourself to even look at it yet.
“Did they have to mention my lycanthropy?” Remus sighed as he read the news. You were still in shock, the cuppa in your hands shaking slightly as you listened.
“Black will be sent to Azkaban without trial being charged for misuse of magic, an account of conspiracy against the ministry and one account of first degree murder for the case of three victims…” Remus fell silent at the end, closing the pages of news. “It’s not that interesting anyway. That was all they had on him. The rest is about Harry.”
“Harry…” You said, looking at your uneaten toast. Your stomach curled further thinking about that poor boy. You missed him. You were supposed to have a birthday party today, Sirius’s birthday. Tears started to fall down your face as you stared harder at your toast. His gift was still underneath your bed. It felt trivial to cry over something like this, thinking about your favourite person in a cold cell on his birthday. The person who murdered and betrayed your other favourite people.
Remus looked like he was barely holding it together either, holding most of himself together trying to help you. You heard a soft tremble of sobs coming from the other side of the breakfast nook. You looked up at him, his head down as tears fell onto the pages of the Daily Prophet.
“He really can’t stay out of trouble.” He said it as if Sirius got caught sneaking cigarettes into the school again. “On his birthday no less. He’s always been for the drama. That bastard.” Remus looked up to meet your eyes, his face distorted in anger and sadness. You couldn’t help crying too, the walls you both put up came crashing down.
Remus was suddenly on the floor in front of you, his head in your lap as he cried violently. You pulled his head up to look at you, wiping the tears on his face, bringing yourself down to him as you hugged him. You buried your face in his shoulder, him doing the same as you both cried until you couldn’t do anything, but tremble in each other’s arms. The last two Marauders, left alone together.
Every sibling had a counterpart. Whether it be one was nice, and one was mean. Or one was smart, and one was incredibly dumb. Every sibling had their contradiction. Remus and Y/n Lupin were no different in the grand scheme of things, but on the outside, they were different people.
This is so random but at the same time it’s actually not at all.
Would any of you read a Harry Potter fanfic? Written by me, planned by my, following the canon HP movie andbook universe? About one of the Weasley twins? Sirius Black’s daughter that’s a Malfoy? And Slytherin?
Let me explain what I have in mind. As cliché as it sounds, I need you guys to believe in me andmy abilities. I have long since wanted to write a Sirius Black daughter story. Not the usual jazz though. I want her to be a Malfoy. Raised alongside Draco, first in the row to collect her mark with You-Know-Who (does she want it?idkidkidk) and babied by my quin Cissy. She doesn’t leap into her father’s arms, she’s stoic and proud, intelligent and responsible (no crazy shananigans here nonoNO we’ve got a Malfoy kid on our hands!).
I literally have NO IDEAS only like 6 scenes I wrote throughout the last few days. Many more are to come I’m sure of it! Keep in mind that I amre-reading the books and re-watching all the movies which will be putting me in a spot this Christmas where I will be obsessed with HP!!! Free time and inspiration = fanfiction
Idek. It’s something that I’ve been wanting to do for a while. Hell, since I was 12 years old. Might just be the time to do it. What do you think?
I’ll be tagging those on my HP tag list for obvious reason such as WHAT DO YOU THINK? My ask is available too.
It was chilly, a slight breeze turning the base of ones breath visible in the dusk air. Spring had arrived, and small buds of flowers and grass had begun to rise. Now, one could gaze upon it with sadness, the stones rising from the ground as grim reminders of the past, of all the memories, painful and bitter. One might say it was quite poetic and beautiful, if they were to gaze upon the scene, how perfectly calm everything seemed to be, but that would only prove their ignorance. But you see, to those of personal connection, this small plot, six feet under, held something so heartbreaking, their breaths came in painful gasps. Their vision would blur together and they would struggle to remain upright, that was the pain of living while those you loved did not. Truly, for those who were gone, the last enemy to be destroyed is death, but for those who remain, it is, perhaps, the very thing that makes one crave it.
X
“Come on guys! You have to promise!” You had laughed, pushing your hair out of your face and your cheeks tinting a slight red. The six of you had stood on the edge of the astronomy tower, looking out across the grounds and black lake. “You know we will, do we have to bloody promise?” Sirius had shook his head at you, humor written all over his face. “It’s the thought! I mean, this is our last night at Hogwarts, after this, we go out into the world! We have to promise to meet every month at least!” You cried indignantly and Sirius pulled you closer, throwing an arm around your shoulder and pressing a kiss to the side of your forehead. “She’s right,” Lily had nodded, her red hair curling in the gentle breeze. “We don’t know how long we’ve got.” “Geez, way to make it depressing Lils,” James had given his girlfriend a sidelong glance. “It’s true. We might not make it to 20,” Remus had shrugged, leaning his arms on the railing. “Okay, okay,” James stuck his arm out. “I promise, that we will meet every month at least.” Remus added his hand, then Lily, Peter, Sirius, and lastly you, with a huge smile on your face. “Promise.”
X
To anyone else, a small, rag-tag group of young adults stood gathered in a small cemetery might seem out of the ordinary. It was so strange, that a once abnormal occurrence was depressingly common. Just two months ago, they had been here for Marlene’s ceremony. But now, they were here for you. James and Lily arrived first. Lily Potter was tucked under the arm of her husband, her arm on her slightly protruding stomach.Her mascara had run onto her face, her tears leaving thick trails. Her red hair was knotted and dull, evidence to her pulling at it and running her hands through it, trying to get her mind off the sharp pain in her heart.
X
“We’re best friends right?” You had asked her the night before you left for the end of your first year. “Of course. Why?” A young Lily had asked curiously. “I just don’t want you to forget me,” you had smiled awkwardly and Lily had hugged you tightly. “Never! What girl could forget her best friend?”
X
James Potter clutched onto his wife, his glasses askew and his hand for once not fiddling with his hair every few seconds, no his free hand clutched onto a photograph of you two, a fat tear slipping down his cheek.
X
“You better not hurt her Potter!” You had threatened him, waving your finger in his face. “I would never!” James had nodded vigorously. “Good. Cause you might be one of my best friends, but Lily is my BEST friend and if you did I’d have to hurt you in the most brutal way possible,” you had smiled at him and nudged his shoulder, swinging your broom over yours. “Now let’s go kick Slytherin’s arse.”
X
Peter Pettigrew had arrived next, standing slightly off from the others, a heartbroken expression on his face. His feet shuffled at times, and his knees shook from wanting nothing more than to drop and never get up.
X
“What’s wrong Petey?” You had sat down on the steps your friend was on and looked at him worriedly. “Just the slytherins,” Peter had responded glumly. “They were saying I was too cowardly to be on Gryffindor.” “And you listened to them?” Peter furrowed his brows at you curiously. “I mean, the hat placed you here for a reason! You get to choose your path Wormtail, It’s your life. But if you ask me your pretty brave,” you smiled at him and ruffled his hair comfortingly.
X
Remus arrived a few minutes later, coming to stand on Lily’s other side, a comforting hand on her shoulder. His hair messy, his chest heaving slightly with contained cries. He silently dropped a (Y/F/F) onto the fresh dirt and refused to meet anyone’s eyes.
X
“Remus!” You gasped in horror and rushed towards your friend, who had scratches and blood dripping down his face. “What happened?” “It’s nothin’,” he waved you off and tried to sulk back to his dorm, only to be stopped by you flinging his arm over your shoulder and bearing half of his weight. He sighed in relief as you helped him up the stairs. “Why’re you helping?” He asked tiredly as you leant him on his bed. “Well I’m still your friend, even if you don’t want to tell me what happened.” “I’m a werewolf,” Remus rushed suddenly and you blinked slowly, before walking up and kissing his forehead as he leant back in his bead. “You don’t hate me?” He asked curiously and you laughed. “Rem, I could never hate you. I’m so sorry you go through that and I’m going to do everything in my power to help.”
X
Lastly, Sirius Black shuffled in. His hands stuffed in his pockets and his face was expressionless. His trademark smirk gone, his eyes hollow and rid of their shine. He wasn’t used to your absence, Every few seconds he would turn to look for you, and every few seconds his heart shattered more as he realized you would never be there again.
X
“Sirius Orion Black!” You shouted and he paused, his dark hair falling in his face. “What?” He sighed heavily. “I’m not allowed to date?” You quoted him from earlier. “Excuse me but you have dated every girl in hogwarts with the exception of me!” He turned around and crossed his arms. “Did it ever occur to you that maybe I do that because the one girl I am in love with doesn’t think of me like that?” He took a step closer to you and you could feel his breath. You faltered for a second and looked up at him curiously. “Well then kiss her, prat. And see if your right,” you had raised an eyebrow in challenge, feeling braver than you felt. Sirius gave you his signature smirk before crashing his lips to yours.
X
No words were exchanged, but none were needed. James stared down at his wife and then turned his face towards the sky. Is this what would happen? One by one they would die, until none were left? The five stood there, until the sun began to slip farther from view, the darkness reflecting the mood, but not doing it justice. “We came,” Lily said softly, directing her words down to the grave. “How come we kept our promise but you didn’t keep yours?” Her voice cracked, showing how often she had been crying. But it wasn’t true, you were there, in spirit at least. You kept your promise. You stood, invisible to the human eye as you watched your friends, heartbroken. “Oh but Lily, I kept my promise. And now I’m always with you, with all of you. Until the very end, until we meet again.” You said and reached out, as if to brush the hair from her face, but your hand making no impact.
I’m gonna reblog this, cause I actually really like it?
Imagine Sirius Black helping you out of a thunderstorm predicament.
requested by: anon!! i know you requested for a slytherin girlfriend but imagine this before the relationship begins!
The thunder had been rolling for a while, crashing against the roof of Honeydukes - typical November weather. And you, terrified of thunderstorms, were stuck in the shop up until closing time. People were being asked to start leaving, students and residents alike, and you knew you should be leaving but you just couldn’t bring yourself to brave the thunderstorm. Every time you felt a surge of confidence and started toward the door, another crack of thunder would put you back into a corner, pretending to be browsing the sweets, but your insides shaking in fear and shame.
And now everyone was going home, out into the storm, and you knew you had to, too. But how could you?
“Hey,” a hand on your shoulder pulled your attention from your internal war. You turned to meet the cheeky eyes of one of those Gryffindor hooligans, the one you recognised as Regulus’ brother. “You gonna buy those whizbees or what? Shop’s closing.”
“O-oh, um,” your anxiety had you on edge to the point that this sudden human contact had you a little dizzy and the most intelligent response you could come out with was a few garbled noises.
His eyes narrowed as he looked at you, and then when they widened in realisation he dropped his hand from your shoulder. “Wait, you’re that Slytherin chick, aren’t you? Regulus’ mate.”
Your own eyes narrowed, your words snapping back to their right formation as you crossed your arms, picking up on the boy’s disdain. “Well, I don’t really know him- Ah!”
A bolt of lightning slashed the sky, a deep crack of thunder following immediately, and you couldn’t help but fall against the wall, knocking a couple of boxes of fizzing whizbees off the shelf behind you, fists clenched tight against the sound of your heartbeat in your ears. You could have sworn the boy hid a laugh, but he knelt to gather the boxes at your feet. “Careful,” he scolded, “You might make a fool of yourself.”
You huffed at him as he put the boxes back on the shelf, but found you couldn’t quite match his witty tongue in this situation. Whether it was the storm or his presence, you were off your game. You helped him right the boxes in silence.
He turned to you, a brow raised as he placed the last box on the shelf. The smirk that seemed so at home on his face was vacant. “Are you alright?”
You arched a brow right back, immediately defensive. “I am.”
“You’re scared of the storm.”
His abrupt assumption had your brows knit together in a glare. “I’m not.” As if to spite you, a deep roll of thunder echoed through the room and your strong stance crumbled into one of fear. His eyes remained on you, but they weren’t mocking. You explained yourself with a clear of the throat, “Ahem. It’s the thunder.”
The smirk that you were keen to keep away slipped back onto his lips. But no, it wasn’t condescending or spiteful, like you expected. There was a light behind his eyes that painted that smirk a mischievous colour. He looked over his shoulder at the final customers that were preparing to go and made eye contact with a bespectacled friend of his. He jerked his head towards the shop and Glasses sent him a grin and a salute before leaving the shop.
You looked back at Black, not even trying to hide your confusion. “What did I just witness?”
He leant in towards you, whispered a quick “Come on,” and took your wrist, gently pulling you further into the shop.
“Hey- what!?” You squirmed out of his grasp, pulling his attention as he rolled his eyes and gave you a look. “Where are you taking me?”
“Away from the storm.” He stepped closer to you again, his voice low and almost seductive, a glint of wilderness in his eye. “Have you ever heard of the one-eyed-witch passageway?”
pairing: remus x reader (james and sirius x reader platonic)
summary: you get high with the marauders
word count:790
warnings: drug use (obviously), swearing
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You would have to be naive to expect a bunch of teenagers to stay sober till they turned 18. You had to know they wouldn’t ignore the sweetness of highs and colorful pills. Sure, you were all constantly told not to indulge in these delights but is there anything better than doing what you were told not to?
You would have to argue there wasn’t.
You giggled as James hacked beside you. His eyes watered as he gasped for air, still coughing painfully.
“What, you’re not even gonna clear it?” You joked gesturing to the bong in his hands.
He flipped you off sliding it across the granite floor as you passed him a chilled bottle.
You only laughed harder and took in the remaining smoke of the glass before taking a lighter from your pocket and taking a hit. You held it in for a moment before pushing your tongue to the roof of your mouth and forcing the smoke out your nose.
You then passed it off to Sirius who gestured for your lighter, you shook your head.
“Come on, give me a light.” He whined.
You shook your head again, “No way, you always steal my shit.”
He gasped, “No I do not!”
“You’re a bad liar.” You murmured but passed him the bright pink Bic anyway.
You looked back over at James who had managed to stop his coughing fit and was now messaging his throat.
“Shit burns.” He choked out.
“I thought you said you did this all the time.” You smirked, “Aren’t preppy assholes like you supposed to be like experts when it comes to drugs?”
“Nah.” Remus spoke next to you, “You’re thinking of the wrong thing, rich kids don’t indulge in pot like us low-class degenerates. They do classy shit, like cocaine.”
Sirius exhaled, blowing smoke into the cooling air, “That’s true, I think I saw my mum do a line in our bathroom once.”
You snorted, “You’re fucking with us.”
“No ma’am.” He grinned, “I always wondered why she was itching at her nose all the time.”
“Just so you know,” James interrupted, “I have smoked before, I just always used a bowl.”
“Oooohhhh,” You jeered, “I’m sorry, I should have known you weren’t smart enough to use the complicated mechanics of a bong.”
“Fuck off man.” James laughed, a water bottle hitting your forehead.
It was Remus who was now nursing your glass. You watched him carefully as he inhaled deeply, his shoulders rising slightly as he did. Feeling your stare his eyes flitted up to you.
Your heart raced as he looked at you through his thick eyelashes. You held in a groan as he straightened up, lips parting when he wiped them clean of spit, smoke filtering from them slowly in smooth whisps. He winked at you before he leaned down to clear it out.
You swallowed a giggle and shook your head. Nothing like Remus with a bit of grass in his blood.
He went to pass you the bong but you shook your head leaning in closer to him, “Keep it,” you whispered, “I wanna shotgun.”
His eyes widened a bit in surprise but he complied, allowing you to scoot towards him until your knees were knocking together. You heard the click of the lighter over and over again looking down to see Remus struggling to get a flame with shaky hands.
“Didn’t realize I made you that nervous Re.” You murmured and he scoffed
“It’s not-” it was too late for him to explain now, you had already taken the lighter from his hands.
“Alright pretty boy,” You mumbled, “You just do the easy part and suck.”
He rolled his eyes but bent his head to do as he was told. You struck the lighter and held the flame to what you had ground not but 10 minutes before. You held it there a bit longer than you normally would have, thumb growing hot.
When you finally pulled out the plug Remus gave one last deep breath before turning to you. You leaned in cupping his cheek to pull him close, he opened his mouth and exhaled. You inhaled as he did, only growing closer, lips brushing lightly before you retreated holding the smoke in for a moment to stare at him. He stared right back watching as you eventually looked up and blew at the stars.
“Christ y/n, I think you gave him a boner.” Sirius chuckled and Remus flushed.
“Shut up dumbass.”
“I mean was that hot or what?” Padfoot continued.
James nodded, “Sure was, you guys give quite the show.”
You only laughed enjoying the faint fog which clouded your head and the warmth of Remus pushing against you.
pulled apart seires ~ everyone is lost in the world as the man soon to be called the dark lord rises to power. your parents are already ready to give their life along with your own for this man. you spend your seventh year in gogwarts being pulled apart by the expectations for you and the hope placed in you by your childhood friend sirius and his closest companions. (regulus, sirius, james and remus x reader) ~ incomplete
james potter:
strawberries*~ being a waitress at a high-end restaurant was exhausting, the new line cook seems to make things just a little better though. fluff
best not to cry over spilled milk* ~ being the black house’s heir means you brother hates you. at least his best friend doesn’t. angst
minnie’s daughter* ~ when james finds out his favorite proffesser has a daughter he can’t seem to keep her form his head. fluff
then kiss me again ~ james is just about the worst project partner especially when hes staring at lily all the time, something that makes you want to throw up. fluff
your dog ~ you were sure that sirius had never really liked you, even with all the flirting he did. But when he gets stuck as a dog and ends up in your bed, things might change ~ fluff
magnolia*- royal AU sirius is a prince and your a baker girl who sneaks into his garden part 1-fluff w/ angst ending part 2-angstyishpart 3-final part
i wish- you’re sirius’ girlfriend, but james is pretty sure hes in love with you. angst
heartbeat* (completed) ~ sirius plays a game with a few others to see who can sleep with you first: part 1-angstpart 2-angst w/ feelgoodending
three fatal words ~ sirius sucks at relationships and he lashes out at you when he realizes he loves you. angst w/ fluff ending
never forget ~ you finally your fiance again after 12 years of imprisonment for a crime he didnt commit. fluff
i don’t love ~ you don’t belive in love, you belive in lust and attraction. you’re a heartbreaker through and through, Sirius understands. angst w/ fluff ending
painted books ~ sirius ruins something important to you in a prank, and when he realizes it he tries to apologize. fluff
not so perfect sister* (completed) ~ being a potter is easy until your sorted into slytherin and treated like an outsider by your entire family, even when your brothers asshole friend is excepted: part 1part 2 angst w/ fluffy ending
remus lupin:
stupid dance, stupid teenagers ~ remus watches you form afar and his friends try to convince him to ask you to a dance he doesn’t even want to go to. fluff
deal ~ uou make a deal with lily and when she follows through your left having to confess. fluff
regulus black:
better~ being a muggleborn dating regulus meant you had to keep it a secret. When your older sister finds out she raises fear of heartbreak in both of you. angst
lily evans:
sweater ~ Girls aren’t supposed to have crushes on other girls. so why they hell did you fall in love with your best friend? angst
summary: being a muggleborn dating Regulus meant you had to keep it a secret. When your older sister finds out she raises fear of heartbreak in both of you
♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~
You and your sisters had been born jealous. Petunia turned to envy first as the attention that had been solely given to her was split between two other daughters. She had always been bitter towards you and Lily, never forgiving you for interpreting her perfect young life. She had taken your things, broken your toys and ripped your clothes trying to punish you for being born and turning her from an only child to the eldest.
Lily was next when she realised she wasn’t the only one who could sprout fire from her fingertips. She had accused you of faking your magic for years, doing everything she could to best you even if she never fully understood her powers herself. Luckily she outgrew this jealous fit and by the time you shared a cabin on your way to Hogwarts she was beaming ear to ear.
It was you who was last to realise what the burn in your chest really meant. The feeling came heavy like thick rain drops as you watched your sister fall so effortlessly in love. Each time she gave James a quick hug or leaned onto his shoulder your eyes narrowed, fury irrationally rising in your throat.
This wasn’t because you wished James was yours instead. In fact you had considered him an idiot since you met him and would have rather drown yourself than date the loud mouth fool. You were instead jealous of the simplicity of their relationship. Envious of how they could be carefree, how they could dream of picket fences and happy futures. You hated that they could still be stupid kids. How they were given the freedom to make out in hallways and sneak into eachothers dorms with their worst consequence being a slap on the wrist and week of detention. Nothing hurt more than watching your sister live a simple life you knew you never could.
You stared across the room locking eyes with Regulus for only a brief moment before his darted away. Charms was dreadfully boring, the lecture practically putting you to sleep, you knew you should have been paying attention, but watching the younger Black perform the spell with ease was far more interesting. The flick of his wrist was an addicting, dull look in his eyes far more attractive than it should have been. He had woken up late that morning, his hair messier than usual. You thought it looked adorable, the way a few strands drooped in front of his lashes. He only got cuter as he blew them from his face with a pout.
“You have a staring problem.” Levi muttered from beside you.
You rolled your eyes, “Do you ever mind your own business?”
“Please, you make your thing for Black everyone’s business.” He muttered and you kicked him under the desk.
Cussing at you he glared, leaning down to massage his bruising shin.
You wondered briefly how he would have reacted to the reveal of your relationship with your “hopeless crush” as he liked to call it. The surprise on his face would have been sweet as honey.
Regulus was watching you now as you continued to talk to your desk mate, he had never liked the boy, call it jealousy or anger, something bitter always rose in his throat when he saw you with him. Maybe it was because he knew your life would be so much easier if you had loved him instead.
“I don’t get what you see in him anyway.” Levi said, looking across at Regulus whose eyes had quickly retreated back to his parchment.
You grew brittle at the statement.
“I mean I know he’s attractive but if it’s really about looks why not go for his brother?” He grumbled.
You scoffed, “Please, Sirius is a piece of work.”
“And he isn’t? I’m surprised he hasn’t called you a slur yet.”
Rage bubbled in your stomach, your chest feeling hot, “Shut up.”
Levi was either oblivious to the anger set in your tone or unbothered by it “I mean really y/n, you have a crush on a purist? It’s sickening.”
You screwed your eyes shut in an attempt to stop the hot tears building behind them. You wanted to scream at him, slap him across the face and shout how Regulus would never do such a thing. You wanted to tell him how wrong he was, make him regret ever speaking such cold words. But instead you looked away, wiping your tears as they came while your boyfriend sat across the room pretending you didn’t exist.
You were used to it, you knew as a muggleborn dating a pureblood from a family like his would never be easy but the words still stung. That night you sobbed into Regulus’s chest as he held you in your usual hidden courtyard.
As your tears soaked through his sweater he felt nothing but the cold grip of guilt. He had never meant to fall in love. He had known it was a mistake the second it had happened. Even now he knew he had been wrong and stupid and naive to let himself feel so deeply for someone he could never truly be with. He would never forgive himself for forcing you into the hellish life he lived with a simple confession. He hated himself every day for it, he didn’t deserve to indulge in his emotions knowing it would cause you nothing but pain. He didn’t deserve you and he had known that from the start.
Yet every night you met, kissing under the pale moon until your lips grew numb. Everynight he found himself falling deeper and deeper into you until you filled his dreams and nightmares alike. So he forced you closer to him, knowing he would cause nothing but hurt. And you were so childishly in love you let him.
Later as you lay asleep on his chest, legs tangled beneath a blanket he let his own tears go, silent apologies dripping down his cheek as he tightened his grip on your waist.
Lily watched you from where she sat at her table, green eyes narrowed as she tried to read your mind across the dining hall.
“Something is definitely off.” She mumbled turning to James who stared at her with a dopey grin. “You haven’t been listening to a word I said have you?”
“How can I when you’re so beautiful?” He murmured back and she scoffed, face darkening.
Sirius gagged, “You guys are disgusting.”
“Christ Black, how old are you?” Lily spoke with the roll of her eyes.
He scrunched his nose and pretended to mock her silently only earning a sigh from Remus who sat beside him.
“Something is wrong with y/n, I can just feel it.” Lily continued content on ignoring Sirius.
“Maybe she’s dating that Callahan kid.” James offered. “There’s been tons of rumors.”
Lily scoffed, “Please, she has told me multiple times she has absolutely no interest in him.”
“A few months ago you were telling her you had absolutely no interest in James.” Remus offered not to look up from his book.
Lily sputtered blushing heavily again, “That is completely different.”
“Sure it is.” Remus drawled, eyes peering over the cover at her.
Lily furrowed her brow, “But why wouldn’t she tell me? I mean I thought we’ve always been close.”
“Maybe it’s not that serious.” Sirius shrugged, “Maybe they’re just fuck buddies or something.”
Lily pulled back in disgust, “Don’t talk about my little sister like that!” she hissed as Remus kicked him under the table.
“What? She’s almost 17! It’s not like she’s 12 or something, Godric.” Sirius complained and James threw a spoon at him.
“You know if you’re really that curious we could always just check the map.” James said looking over at Lily who was trying to set Sirius on fire with her glare.
She considered it for a moment, “Isn’t that kind of..” she paused “intrusive?”
He shrugged, “She’s your little sister.”
The sky was dark that night as you met with Regulus. The moon was new leaving only the blinking stars to light the ground beneath you.
You grinned when you saw Regulus leaning against the small statue in the middle of the courtyard. You quickened your pace pulling him into a brief kiss as you met.
“Hi.” You whispered against his lips and you felt him smile.
“Hi.” He responded, hands on your waist pulling you closer once again.
You tasted sweet like the nectar of the gods, soft and tender in his arms. Your hair smelt of pomegranate, your flowery perfume engulfing him. There was nothing more addicting on this world than your lips.
You both pulled away breathless and grinning stupidly, “Your hair looks so cute like this.” You mumbled running your hands through it and tugging lightly on a curly lock that had fallen down his forehead.
Regulus practically purred, melting into your touch. He dipped his head low to hide his blush, lips skimming the skin of your neck.
You giggled as he mumbled a bashful thank you before nipping slightly below your ear. He was always careful to never leave marks that could be seen the following day. You wished he wasn’t.
You felt his hands on the back of your thighs lifting you off the ground. You wrapped your arms around his neck and buried your nose in his hair as he walked until your back hit the wall of the castle. You scratched your nails lightly against his scalp and Regulus groaned. You gasped at the feeling of his tongue on your jaw as he pressed you further into the stone. Your legs now wrapped around his waist as he left sloppy kisses on your collar bone.
It was then you heard the shuffle of footsteps.
“Regulus.” You whispered and he broke away to look up at you, his lips red and glossy , “I heard someone.”
He slowly lowered you to your feet, “You sure?”
You nodded and you both stood silently, ears craning for another sign of life among you. After a minute you sighed, “Sorry, I must have been hearing things.”
Regulus just shook his head grinning lightly, “ ‘s fine babe.” words slurring, intoxicated by your taste.
Your lips reconnected, his teeth grazing your bottom lip as you began to work on the buttons of his shirt, tugging on his tie to loosen its knot. But there it was again the soft sound of feet, closer this time.
You both paused Regulus pulling away leaving your skin feeling cold in his absence.
“Who’s there?” He demanded into the darkness, wand lit.
There was no response and you grabbed his hand to pull him back to you. Regulus stood his ground so you leaned into him, lips ghosting against his ear.
“It’s probably just a mouse or somethin’.” You murmured hands coming back to undo the remaining buttons of his shirt.
Regulus glanced around once more before looking down at you, “You’re probably right.” he said before he began to untuck your blouse, hands sliding slowly under it.
It was that which finally broke Lily, her vision going red. She stepped from beneath the invisibility cloak ignoring James’ protests.
You let out a small yelp as your sister appeared from thin air, Regulus who had his back turned to her immediately drew his wand pushing you lightly behind him. His eyes went wide as he found himself inches from your older sister. It was your turn to pull Regulus behind you.
“Lily, What in bloody hell are you doing here?”
When James sheepishly appeared as well you gasped, “What is wrong with you both, are you stalking me?”
Lily looked stern, her arms crossed, “Why are you with him?” she seethed.
Your eyes narrowed, “None of your fucking buissnes. Now take your dog and leave.”
Regulus almost didn’t believe it was you that was talking. He wasn’t accustomed to the harsh tone you used, your anger hardly ever directed at him.
“This is most certainly my business!” She spoke shrilly.
“It is most certainly not. Now get out.” You shouted.
“How can you expect me to leave when you’re getting all touchy feely with a purist?” She hissed, grabbing at your wrist to pull you away from the boy behind you. You slapped her away so hard the sound echoed off the walls, “Call him that again around me and you’ll fucking regret it.” You growled.
Lily stepped back surprised by your sudden aggression but not backing down, “Please y/n, I’m just calling it as it. The sooner you realise that the better.”
Regulus felt his throat tighten as he listened, teeth biting into his lip as he had nowhere to look but his feet.
You stepped closer to your sister inches from her face, “Leave.” your voice struck heavy.
Lily responded just as harshly, “No.”
James shifted behind his girlfriend feeling like he was intruding on the fight which was taking place. Sensing his awkwardness you looked back at him with a searing gaze.
“Get out Potter, you have no place here.” You spat.
He was planning on shuffling away when Lily turned back to him angrily, “No James stay.”
You scoffed as he did as he was told, “Fucking pet.”
“Don’t speak to him like that.” Lily scolded.
“You’re the one who’s calling my boyfriend a purist.” You growled your mouth bitter at the taste of hypocrisy.
“Because he is one!” She bit back. “You really think he actually loves you after being raised how he was? With a mother like his?”
Regulus felt like he had been slapped, his cheek stinging as the older girl spoke.
“Don’t you dare bring up his mother.” You were shaking with rage by now, your face streaked with angry tears, “And how dare you speak ill of Regulus simply because of his upbringing as if his brother isn’t one of your closest friends. How do you think Sirius would feel hearing what you just said?”
This took Lily back a step, her rage cooling a bit as she realised her mistake, “It’s different,” She tried to recover, “He isn’t with his family anymore. Sirius has already broken away from them. He made the choice any good person would.”
Regulus felt her eyes on him as she spoke. She was no longer interested in her sister and instead focused on him. He felt like he was choking under the pressure of her stare. When he glanced up to meet her gaze he inhaled sharply. He hadn’t seen such hatred in a long time.
Your lashes were thick with tears by now, disgust and fury morphing your face, “Go fuck yourself Lily.” You spat.
She ignored you, gaze locked on Regulus, she had no intention of speaking to you anymore, “You stay away from her.” she demanded, “If you truly love her you stay away from her.”
You shouted lunging forwards and shoving your sister backwards. She stumbled back catching herself.
It was you who fell, your feet tangling, forcing you to the ground. You hit hard, hands and knees scraping against stones and moss which made up the floor. You couldn’t find it in you to stand up simply letting exhaustion and misery take you where you lay. You shook with sobs, voice cracked and raw. Lily immediately dropped beside you, hands circling your neck as she drew you into a hug. You fought her as you always did but she held on, letting you beat her chest with your fists until you stilled.
Regulus took a step forward but was stopped by your sister whose glare told him everything he needed to know. Tears pricking his own eyes he stumbled past the two of you and disappeared into the darkness of the dungeons. He didn’t hear James shout for him over the sound of the ring in his ears. He wasn’t sure where he ended up, somewhere deep in the depths of the sprawling castle, dust coated the staircase he collapsed onto. Only there did he let himself cry, choking sobs rubbing his throat raw as he looked for someone to blame. His mother for forcing him into the terrifying world of dark magic? His brother for abandoning him in his abusive home? Or your sister for pointing out the truth he prayed you would never see? Regulus wished he could pass the blame off to anyone but he wasn’t stupid, he knew he had no one to hate but himself.
Regulus disappeared entirely for three days. Three days you spent desperately avoiding your sister who seemed just as adamant to talk to you again. You skipped meals opting for hunger instead risking meeting her in the hall. She would show up outside your classes forcing you to scramble out the back way or sprint away like a child running from punishment.
On the fourth day of your boyfriend’s absence you felt yourself beginning to panic. Fear of him never returning, filling your head with irrational thoughts. It wasn’t like you could ask around for him, your relationship needed to remain secret despite the difficulties you were facing. It was then Lily cornered you.
You stared at the redhead as she blocked your only exit. “Lily, move.” You sighed exhausted by the past few days, sleepless nights not improving your condition.
She didn’t listen, “Y/n we need to talk.”
“About what?” You scoffed, “I have nothing to say to you.”
“I just want you to understand why I,” She paused, “Why I said what I did.”
“I don’t care why you said it Lily.” You said, “I don’t care if you think you were protecting me or saving me from some hopeless relationship. I honestly don’t care.”
Her eyes swelled, “How can you say that? How can you not care? I love you y/n I just want you to be safe.”
You stared at her, “I just don’t understand why you couldn’t just let me be happy.”
“He’s dangerous.”
You shook your head, “No, his family is dangerous. His situation is dangerous. He’s not.”
“Y/n please.” She begged, for what you did not know.
“Just stay out of my shit Lily.” you mumbled pushing past her and back into the hallway.
You spent the night where you always had, the small courtyard hidden between two towers of the castle, a statue of a woman draped in vines and flowers at its center. The moon was a small sliver, a dusting of clouds blocking the stars from your view. The shuffle of footsteps brought your eyes from the ground.
There stood Regulus, his face shining in the pale light. His hands were stuffed in his pockets, nose pointed at the floor as he refused to meet your gaze.
You stood quickly throwing your hands around his neck. He leaned into your touch burying his head into your shoulder as his hands found your waist.
You smelled delightful as always, your lips soft against his cheek and hands in his hair. Regulus hadn’t realized he was crying until you began to comfort him. Sweet words whispered into his ear as you only held him tighter.
“She’s right, you know.” He croaked, lifting his head to look at you. “You shouldn’t be around me.”
You shook your head feverishly, “You’re wrong Reggy.”
“I don’t deserve you y/n, I don’t deserve to be with you.” He sobbed, “I could never deserve you.”
“You’re right, love.” You mumbled, smiling through the tears that coated your cheeks, “You deserve so much better.”
summary: when Sirius astragalus to turn from a dog to human he finds himself drawn to you
a/n: yay! im writing! sorry for the delay i was on vacation the past week so here’s this
♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~
You have always loved animals. Since you were young your favorite place had been the zoo. You would sit in front of the glass and stare for hours at a tiger napping in the shade or a monkey swinging from branch to branch. When you were 11 and was shown an entire world of magical creatures to discover and investigate you had practically burst. Before your first year at Hogwarts you had read Newt Scramanders book of Magical Creatures and Where to Find Them from cover to cover 5 times over.
Despite the fact that there were millions of creatures which you could choose from, each with more interesting and fascinating abilities than the last, you had chosen a very simple favorite.
You had spent the months before your sixth birthday begging for a puppy. Your parents’ hearts could only take so much of your wide desperate eyes before they gave in. Your efforts had been rewarded by a large box, unwrapped with a bright red bow on top.
Inside rested a small mutt, her long fur a dark grey splotched with dusty brown. Her huge golden eyes inspired the name Sunshine although you had taken to calling her Sunny instead.
Each year when you left for school despite the excitement of a new year your heart would ache with the sorrow of leaving Sunny behind. Not once had you been able to leave your house without large tears sliding down your cheeks and soaking into her fur as you sobbed out goodbyes.
Your mother always jokes you missed your dog more than her while you were away and you always responded saying you did. Maybe it was the blaring innocence of the animal or its fierce loyalty or maybe it was just because she was your one and only pet but dogs would always remain your favorite.
“Merlin Padfoot, you’re like her dog.” Remus said with a roll of his eyes as Sirius sped past him to snatch your books from your arms.
You groaned a complaint explaining how you were perfectly capable of carrying a couple books but the blush of your cheeks only egged him to swing your bag off your shoulder as well.
You crossed your arms and glared at him, lacking any malice you had intended to fake.
Sirius took the way you were leaning just a bit closer to him as a victory and only grinned wider.
James grimaced, “This is hard to watch."
Remus bit back a laugh, "You’re one to talk."
"Oh come on, there is no way I’m that bad."
"Please Prongs, you’re far worse."
James stopped where he stood and gasped. Remus, who was picking up speed to catch up with Sirius, left him behind with a grin.
"Take that back!” James shouted, jogging down the hallway.
By the time the four of you reached the hall for lunch James and Remus were in a heated argument you chose to ignore. Despite your disinterest it was clear Remus was winning as he always seemed to be.
You took a seat next to Alice, your other side quickly occupied by Sirius who threw his arm around your shoulders, an arm you quickly swept away. After trying twice more he gave up, pouting as he snatched a roll and some chicken from the plates in front of him.
“Did you ever finish that Defense against the Dark Arts essay?” You asked Remus who now sat in front of you, James and Peter on either side.
“Yeah, I finished it last night.” He responded ignoring Peter who had snatched some chocolate from his bag.
“Awesome, I’ve been struggling to find similarities between the bat-boggie hex and the Avis charm. Do you mind helping after dinner tonight?"
"Not at all.” He hummed.
Sirius watched the exchange with mild jealousy, “You wouldn’t mind if I joined, would you Moons?"
"I would.” You started sharply before Remus could respond.
Sirius’s face crumpled, “What? Why?"
"You always end up being a distraction and no one ever gets anything done.” You explained coolly.
“Are you saying I’m distracting?” Sirius smirked, perked by your words.
“Yes.” you said only realizing your mistake after you spoke. You went red, “But not in the way you think Black."
Sirius whined, "I know you think I’m cute even if you won’t admit it."
"I think no such thing.” You spat turning away to hide your burning cheeks.
“Leave her alone, Sirius” Alice called, “Not everyone thinks you’re as great as you do."
James snickered as Sirius launched into a line of dramatic complaints.
You were far too used to Sirius’s remarks, they had become a common occurrence in the year before and even after a summer to prepare they still made your heart race in your chest. He was right after all, he was awfully cute.
You knew he was just messing with you so you ignored his joking advancements and taunting flirts. You wish he could see how cruel he was being but knew he never meant it in such a way. Sirius was just a flirt whether he meant to tease your heart or not. And you had learned to live with that.
You left dinner that night confused, pockets stuffed with food for James and Sirius who had been strangely missing from dinner. There was no reasonable explanation given by a nervous Remus who hastily canceled on you because of "some things that came up."
You had decided to try and push it from your mind, not wanting to stick your nose into someone else’s business.
As you neared the common room you perked up, catching the sound of a short bark. You blinked twice, sure you were imagining it but turning the next corner proved you wrong.
A young dog stood outside the common room. It turned at the sound of your footsteps, head cocked to the side in interest. Then as if to realise something its eyes widened and he broke into a clumsy run towards you.
You cooed, dropping to your knees and setting your books aside to stretch your arms to the puppy. He lept into your lap and immediately began to lick at your cheeks which were plump with a smile. "Hey buddy.” You laughed scratching his neck.
In his excitement he began to circle you in small leaps and bounds. You took the opportunity to observe him, his fur was a rich black uninterrupted by a blemish of another color. His ears were pointed, teeth sharp and brilliantly white. He looked well groomed around 6 or 7 months old. The possibility of him being a stray was low, yet he wore no collar.
You then realized the ruckus he had been making and immediately shushed him. Much to your surprise the dog fell silent standing alert in front of you, its tail wagging furiously.
“Ok sweetie,” You said to him, “I’m gonna bring you inside so we don’t get caught yeah?"
You could have sworn he nodded.
You recollected your things and began to walk once again surprised as he stuck to your heel obediently following you inside the common room.
In all your excitement you didn’t notice Remus until you ran directly into him.
“Oh hey Remus.” You smiled, backing up slightly and nearly tripping over your new friend.
“Hi,” He spoke quickly, glancing around nervously. “Weird question, you didn’t happen to see a dog around did you?"
"He’s yours?!” You gasped, turning to reveal the dog who had been hiding behind your legs.
“Oh thank god.” Remus muttered under his breath, “No he’s not really mine I’ve just been watching him for a, uh, friend.” He explained scratching the back of his neck.
“Oh he’s such a sweetheart,” you cooed, dropping to scratch his head, “Aren’t you buddy, aren’t you?"
While you were distracted you missed the glare exchanged between the two, "He sure is.” Remus growled, “But he doesn’t seem to like me very much, now does he."
"Well if he’s causing you trouble I’m sure I could watch him for the night.” you said, leaping back to your feet hoping you had hid your overwhelming excitement.
Immediately Remus paled, “Oh no no, that probably wouldn’t be a good idea."
Your face fell, "Oh, why not? I swear I’d take good care of him Remus, I’m very good with dogs, I’ll make sure no one finds out."
"It’s not you.” He quickly explained, “It’s just that he’s a real pain and I don’t want him to bother you."
"He’s been nothing but sweet around me, maybe he likes me."
"Y/n, this really isn’t a good idea.” Remus warned desperately but you were determined.
“Please, Remus? Look how much he likes me.” You said gesturing to the dog who was now nuzzling into your side.
He sighed, “I’m sorry y/n I just don’t think that my friend would be comfortable with it."
"Alright.” you mumbled, pouting.
Remus tried not to feel bad about the frown on your face as he called to Sirius, “Come on,” he coaxed beginning up the stairs. “Let’s go."
He was given no response as Padfoot simply shuffled closer to you.
Remus glared, unable to fathom how stupid he was being, maybe turning into a dog had erased his few remaining brain cells.
"Come. Now.” Remus’s voice was shaking lightly with rage, the deer upstairs was already causing enough stress this was just headache inducing.
“Oh Remus, please let me take him.” You begged, sweeping the dog into your arms. Although he was not full grown he was getting close and you struggled to hold him up. “Just for the night?"
A shatter of glass from the boys dormitory made him cringe and he gave a defeated sigh, "Fine."
You squealed, dropping Sirius to give Remus a hug and a sloppy kiss on the cheek, "You’re the best"
He didn’t miss the way the dog bared its teeth, grey eyes brilliantly green with envy.
"Watch him for just a sec so I can check if it’s clear in my dorm.” You said turning to jog up your stairs.
Remus listened to make sure you were gone before he slapped Sirius on the head, “You are the stupidest mother fucked I have ever met.” He hissed, “I can’t believe you are doing this right now.”
The newly turned dog just gave an excited bark and a dopey grin back. He wagged his tail at the sound of your footsteps returning.
Sirius didn’t realize he was in way over his head until he reached your dorm. I mean he had known it was a stupid idea the second he had greeted you in this form. But as he was enveloped in your sweet scent and covered in your praise he forgot to care. Your hands were so soft on his fur, your breath in his ears as you carried him making him happy he couldn’t blush.
You spent the night behind closed curtains, pretending you were asleep as you cuddled close to him and read, just as he had always dreamed about. Except in his fantasies he’s not a dog and instead of scratching behind his ears you’re putting hickeys on his neck. But he would take what he could get.
As it got later he heard other girls come into the room, when they saw your curtains closed their voices dropped to a whisper. He began to fade in and out of consciousness, the soft rhythm of your hand on his back paired with the warmth of your blankets and sweetness of the shampoo stuck on your pillow lolling him to sleep.
He only awoke as you shifted to set down your book. The last girl had gone to bed killing the lights and you were yawning, head resting beside him.
“God, you make me miss Sunny.” You whispered, patting his head. Tears pricked in your eyes as you spoke and Sirius nuzzled his head into your chest.
It was there that you both slipped into sleep.
Sirius woke slowly and blinked at the murky light which filtered through the curtains that surrounded him. He was about to move to stretch but a glance down stopped him abruptly.
Your head rested lightly on his bicep, hands curled around the dress shirt he wore. He smiled softly, realizing he had never woken at all and carefully raised his arm to run through your hair before he slipped it beneath the covers to rest in your waist.
These dreams weren’t uncommon but rarely were they so vivid. He could smell your hair and feel the brush of your lips against the skin of his arm. He sighed, his head foggy with admiration and exhaustion. Shifting closer to you he intertwined your legs and held you closer. Kissing your cheek he closed his eyes and prayed he would never wake up.
You blinked awake slowly, your room golden with late sunlight. You had never felt so comfortable in your life. A musk of smoke and cinnamon soothing you to sink deeper into the warmth that held you. You grasped the shirt in your hand tighter pulling yourself closer t-
Your eyes snapped open and you shrieked, shoving Sirius away from you as hard as you could.
He woke with a start, just in time to feel himself hit the ground.
You scrambled out of bed getting caught in your curtains and stumbling to the floor. You quickly stood stomping to the other side of your bed to beat the living daylights out of the boy who lay there.
You ran straight into Marlene whose eyes were wide.
“So that’s what you were doing with your curtains closed last night.” She giggled looking down at Sirius who was rubbing his shoulder.
You flushed impossibly deeper stuttering for an answer that would make any sense. Of course you knew about as much as she did and was left looking a fool as Marlene nodded and winked.
“Don’t worry, I won’t tell.” She said, smirking.
Before you could respond she had darted back downstairs.
By now Sirius was standing, finally understanding what had happened and realizing Remus was probably right. He was a stupid mother fucker.
“Black!” You shrieked, “What the hell is wrong with you!?"
He opened his mouth to answer but you clearly had no intention of letting him.
"You are a sick fuck.” You hissed.
“Y/n, I-"
"Shut up.” Your voice was low with anger, “This is a sick fucking prank. Sneaking into my room like this."
You felt your eyes pricked with tears, embarrassment hot behind your eyes.
Sirius didn’t know what to say. There was really no good explanation that didn’t reveal what had really happened. It would be an embarrassing truth with implications you were too bright to miss. He supposed he could play it off as a joke, a funny prank he and James managed to pull off but the anger and hurt on your face made his chest sting at the idea.
"Just leave.” You spoke quietly pointing at the door.
“Listen, I didn’t mean to-” he started
You glared up at him, “I said leave."
Sirius sighed and opened the door to do as you said.
The second both his feet were on the staircase, it disappeared from beneath him.
With a yelp of shock he fell straight to the floor, legs crumbling, breath knocked from his lungs.
You gasped and ran to the door, the stairs appearing at your feet.
When you got to the bottom you found him under the steps holding his left hand with his right.
"Oh my god, are you alright?” you asked worryingly, dropping to your knees next to him.
He nodded, “I think I broke my wrist though."
"Then you definitely aren’t okay alright.” you scolded him. You asked a few questions he expected; can you move your hand? can you walk? did you hit your head ect. Then you helped him to his feet and began to escort him towards Madame Pomphreys.
On your way out you walked past a group of students who were returning from breakfast. Three broke from the small crowd and sped towards you.
“Godric Sirius, what happened?” Remus asked scanning the two of you.
“Is this from the transformation?” James butted in, reaching towards Sirius’s limp hand.
You swatted him away at the same moment Remus hit him over the head with a book.
“What transformation?” You asked, “What do you mean?"
The question was followed by silence as the others glared at James.
"Is that how you got up the girl’s steps or somet-” It hit you all at once, Sirius’ absence at dinner, Remus’s odd behavior, the dog that appeared out of nowhere, it’s familiar grey eyes and human-like grin.
“Oh god.” you said and Remus stared at his shoes. “You’re the dog."
It was quiet for a moment. You laughed in disbelief, "You’re an Animagus? How? I mean even some of the more powerful wizards struggle to complete this task and you.. I mean you’re an idiot.”
“Hey!” Sirius exclaimed.
You were both shushed at once, your voices echoing off of a luckily empty hallway.
“I’ll explain later y/n.” Remus said, “But we should be somewhere a bit more secure.” He spoke in a whisper.
You nodded, mouth still ajar as you tried to understand what was going on.
Sirius’s wrist was an easy fix and your group was in and out of the hospital wing in minutes. It was then you were led to an empty classroom where Remus quietly explained how the four of them were Animagus. When asked why he simply shrugged before James spoke explaining how it was, “bloody awesome.” It would be years before you were told the true reason for their efforts and how only three of the group turned by choice.
It was late that night when you finally asked the questions that had been on your mind all day. The common room was empty except for you and Sirius. Remus had retreated to bed hours before, James following in his footsteps not long after. The golden light of the small fire was all that kept the room lit.
You sat cross legged on the carpet Sirius across from you, a chessboard between you.
“Checkmate.” You said and your opponent groaned.
You laughed as he tried to convince you he had let you win the last three matches. You watched him as he continued to complain despite the grin slowly taking his face. It wasn’t until his eyes met yours that you realised you had been staring.
Blinking a few times you looked away. “Hey Sirius?” you asked and he hummed, “I’ve been meaning to ask; why did you come with me last night anyways?”
“What do you mean?” He wrinkled his brows.
“I mean, why not go with Remus, why did you want to come with me so bad?” You continued, “It is what exposed you after all.”
You finally met his eyes again to see he was smiling softly
“And you call me an idiot.” he mumbled.
You scowled, “What does that mean dickhead?”
“All this time I thought you were just trying to let me down easy.” He was grinning like a mad man now only infuriating you further.
You sighed impatiently, “What are you talking about?”
He beckoned you closer with two fingers, leaning forward. You rolled your eyes but obliged, leaning towards him. He only stopped when his lips were practically brushing your ear.
You hoped the orangey light of the fire hid the red of your cheeks.
“I like you.” He mumbled breath light on your neck, “Like a lot. Why wouldn’t I follow you upstairs to fall asleep in your arms?”
You had stopped breathing, air hitched in your throat. Your heart dropped to your stomach where butterflies swarmed it with beating wings.
“Are you serious?” You asked pulling back to look him in the eyes.
“I’m always sirius.” He beamed wolfishly and you buried your head in your hands, cheeks aching as you smiled.
Sirius just stared at you with that same dopey grin he had the night before, only now you could see the blush of his cheeks clearly when you looked back up.
“You’re lucky you’re cute.” You murmured leaning onto your knees to hold his cheek in your hand, your other palm resting on his thigh to hold you above the game you had been playing.
Your kiss was hesitant, lips brushing softly as you tried to mask your obvious inexperience. Sirius didn’t seem to mind as he only tugged you closer. You could feel him smile against you before he broke away.
Fire glittered in his eyes as he reached for you, pulling you into his chest and falling backwards. The action caused you to knock over the chess pieces between you, scattering them around you both.
You laughed, head falling to the crook of his neck where the two of you stayed, his hands cupping your waist as you slowly slipped into sleep.
Request:hello! I dont know if you do any marauders oneshots but if you do can you write one where the reader and sirius are dating and they get in a huge fight and remus is the one to push the reader back to sirius????
A/N: This was hella fun to write
“No, you’re right Sirius! It’s always my fault! I’m always the bad guy!”, you yelled tears threatening to pierce through your eyes as you slammed the palm of your hand against Sirius’s chest.
“I never said that! This is what I am talking about! You always jump to conclusions without consulting me first!”, He yelled back not daring to break eye-contact. All you saw was blue. Blue like the tears streaming down your cream-colored face, like the stone necklace that Sirius gave you for your first anniversary that seemed to now burn at your throat, and like the roses Sirius would give you after whispering ‘I love you’. You distinctly remembering the first time you two admitted your feeling towards one another. It was during the fifth year, somehow the two of you went from talking about how you managed to fail your potions class to confessing your acquired adoration for each other. With him asking timidly at the end, ‘can I kiss you?’.
Tightening a grip on Sirius’s jumper, you held him close to you.
“And you, you bastard never take my side! You’re always so kept to yourself! Never once have you came to me with a problem! I trusted you enough to let you in, but you couldn’t do the same! The only thing I ever needed was for you to need me, Sirius! That’s all I ever needed! Because I deserve somebody who gives a shit!”, you screamed even louder on the top of your lungs, causing your voice to crack. Sirius tried to take a step back, but you held onto his jumper even tighter not letting him leave. Straightening up his posture, Sirius glared at you, a hard cold glare. A glare he would give to someone like Bellatrix.
“Don’t you even dare Y/N! I loved you through everything, and you don’t even care! And you know what Y/N! I deeply wish that I never met you!”, Sirius screamed at me even louder with each sentence, his body trembled as his voice croaked with broken cries, before ripping your hand off of his jumper and running away. All you could do was stand there, sobbing loudly to yourself, grasping onto the single chair for support afraid that you might fall to the ground.
“Go after him Y/N”, You heard a raspy, cool voice of Remus lupin. Turning around to face the werewolf that you have became close mates with, you realize that you could barely even see him through your teary eyes.
“You know that it only hurts more when you stop pretending. ”, Remus continued on not bothering to move from the staircase that lead to the boys dorm, “So stop pretending that what Pad-I mean Sirius said hurt more than what you are letting on. Go after him and I predict that when you see him it’s going to hit you. Hit you like a muggle bus just crashed into your body breaking your soul into pieces and your heart in shattering glass fragments.”
“W-What are you talking about Remus”, you choked on your sobs trying to make process on what the lad was saying.
“I’m saying that it’s always been you and Sirius. Always. Ever since first year when you hated each other, no matter what you two will always love each other, so I don’t see why you are forcing him away, and him visa versa. But knowing how stubborn the both of you are, I am not telling-I am demanding that you go after Sirius and tell him. Tell him how you are feeling now. Or else I will drag you by your hair to him”, Remus didn’t say another word before storming back up the stairs.
Numbly you moved forward, towards the portrait that would lead you out of the common-room. Once outside the sound of a broken cry filled your ears. Sirius. He was more then crying, he was cursing to no one but himself. There he sat at the top of the moving staircase cursing and cursing to himself, and crying even louder. That’s when it hit you, it hit you harder than a muggle bus crashing into your body. It hit you more painfully than the curico curse. You collapsed down to the cold stone floor, clenching your chest above your heart. The pain was unbearable. Seeing Sirius the way he was puffy eyed, tear stained cheeks, messy destroyed locks of crow black hair, paler skin than the snow falling outside, and the look of death itself shadowing over his handsome face. Your heart was smashed, beaten, crumbled, torn apart, and shattered to the base of your chest like fine china.
“No-please. Please don’t leave me”, you cried broken and torn like your vocal cords yearned for fresh cool liquid, “Please Sirius, you’re the only good thing I have. I can’t-Don’t leave me”
You didn’t know if he could hear you and you sobbed on the hallway floor, it wasn’t until you felt those cold strong arms around your body. engulfing your body in a cold chill. The cold chill you have grown custom to after so many years of hugging, holding hands, colliding in the middle of the hallways, and sneaking kisses at midnight. Moving your body around so you would be able to hold onto the person who was your first kiss, your first love, your first friend, your first enemy, and the first person who you beat the crap out of when they accidently called you a ditzy little girl.
“It’s okay, I’m here. I’m sorry.”, Sirius’s wobbly voice spoke almost like the wind in the summer, soft and almost unnoticeable, “I will never leave you. Never. Just promise you won’t leave me”
His grip grew stronger around your body pulling you closer to him. Crying into his shoulder, all you could do was nod.
“Never, I would never leave you. Never. I love you”, You whispered over and over again. I love you.
You love Sirius the same way how the moon loves the sun, dying each day so the sun can live.
A/N: ANOTHER PART! I’ve been trying to write this all day but then my best friend called me and then my uncle came and then my sister wanted attention but I am determined to finish this today and so I did. Even though I want to be on Youtube. IMMA FINISH THIS!AND I DID!
XX
December brought so much excitement into your life. Suddenly, you started working with your brother in one of the Ministry’s facilities and there were always two of the administrators that worked the job together. You started working with most of your brother’s friends and it was so much fun because you started to taste his world for once. Of course, you had your own world still but that was slowly starting to fade away as you got lost in your brother’s world.
And it wasn’t only Remus you started to get close to, it was a boy you never thought you’d become close to.
James was driving you from your work and the two of you were laughing and talking in that car like you had known each other forever.
“Oh, fuck!” he cursed all of a sudden. “I forgot something at home.” he looked at you apologetically. “Do you mind if we take a turn back?”
“No. Of course not.” you smiled through your massive headache. “They’ll just have to wait a little, won’t they?” you looked at him from the corner of your eyes and he kept the eye contact going for a while.
“Yeah. They won’t mind.” he said as he drove into his driveway. “I’d totally invite you in but I think my folks are home.” he smiled awkwardly.
“That’s fine. I can wait here.” you said non-chalantly not really noticing the little hints he was giving you all this time since your head was pulsing with pain. You quickly took a pill from your backpack and swallowed it.
He was gone for good twenty minutes and came back smelling rather fresh.
“Damn. You smell really good.” you complimented and he turned to you, smirking.
“Really?”
“You didn’t have to parfume yourself for me, you know?” you started to tease him.
“Well, if I was home alone I could easily take you up to my room.” he winked and you were a bit shocked that he started to flirt back.
“And do what exactly?” you said a bit more frightened since you haven’t, even for a moment, thought that he, James the-always-hard-working-good-perfect-boy Potter, would flirt so aggressively towards you.
“You know-” he started to look at you with a sexual gaze as he started to drive and you could feel the air between the two of you get dense and heavy. “-be in bed or I could lean you against the wall and you know…” he smirked as you widened your eyes. “Maybe I should bring you next time when I’m home alone?”
“Oh…” you said as you looked forward. “Oh.” you smiled to yourself, then back at him. “But you know- uhm James…” you started to search for certain excuses and the only one that came was the most obvious one. “I can’t- I mean, we can’t.” you started to fumble over your own words.
“Why can’t we?” he continued in his deep seducing voice, killing you with his daring gaze.
“I sort of have a rule.”
“A rule?”
“That I don’t date my brother’s friends.”
“And wouldn’t you break that one rule?” he persisted and you started to get a bit annoyed.
“No. I love my brother and it’d be less drama.” you started to speak louder and clearer.
“Oh, that’s fair.” his tone changed and his eyes averted back to the road. “I don’t want any drama either.” he smiled brightly, bringing back the air that was lost.
And you? It didn’t bring back you from the experience you just had with him but this? It seemed nothing at first but you know… sometimes the tiniest rocks create the largest landslide.
—
New Year was around the corner and your best thing was to ignore everything that has happened with James until now. You thought celebrating New Years with your brother would be the best thing that could happen because neither of you wanted to celebrate it this year.
You worked with Sirius that day and the two of you had so much fun. You had also told your brother and Sirius of what James did but you begged them both not to tell him you told them about this whole situation. You trusted them both with this little secret, mostly because they knew you don’t trust easily and keeping your trust was like keeping a treasure. You weren’t somebody to mess with and they both knew that.
“That’s just James, girly.” Sirius said as he kept swinging on his chair. “He flirts, he says some odd, dirty things but that’s just him. He sees a girl- it’s totally harmless.”
“Yeah…” you said as you kept hearing your inner thoughts telling you otherwise. “It’s just… me? I guess that really shocked me and I don’t really like him that way, you know?”
“Yeah, I can see it in your eyes.” he laughed and started throwing his stress ball in the air. “Don’t worry about it okay, lass? And to be honest I see you with somebody completely different than James.”
“Really?” you laughed and crossed your arms over your chest, raising an eyebrow. “Who?”
“I don’t know but it definitely isn’t James. I see you with someone who’s just as wild and crazy as you. Somebody with tattoos and big and muscular and I don’t know… you and James are just two completely different worlds, you know? And he’s so awkward sometimes- I mean, he’s my best friend don’t get me wrong and I recommend him to any girl but I just wouldn’t recommend him to you.”
“That’s interesting.”
“I wouldn’t recommend me either, just so you know. I’ve always seen you as my baby sister…” he put the ball on the table and looked at you with a head tilt. “… plus I have a lot of trauma.”
You laughed. “Who doesn’t nowadays?”
“You’re better than all of us, (Y/N).” he gave you the sincerest smile you had ever received from him and it gave you such a wonderful sensation of comfort. “You deserve better.”
—
Remus said something completely different when you came home.
“You, me, Sirius and James in the pub- come on (y/n), I don’t want to spend another New Years at home!” he ran around excitedly and with a wide smile on his face.
“I’m tired.” you complained and threw yourself onto his bed.
“NO!” he protested. “You are going! We are going! We are not going to stay home like little babies and come on, (y/n). Another New Years at home?” he looked at you a bit sadly and with the hard situation you two had at home, you really did sympathize with him.
“But ugh! Does James have to be there?” you groaned into the pillow. “I feel so uncomfortable when he’s around.”
“Because of that stupid conversation.” Remus waved with his hand. “Get your head out of the gutter, lil sis. Not everything is about you and your world.”
You lifted your head and glared at it. “It’s my life so it literally is all about me.”
Remus laughed and left the room, coming back shortly with a toothbrush in his mouth. “I don’t know why you’re complaining over James so much. He’s a good lad- works, is ambitious, he’s even taking extra courses for becoming an Auror AND he’s got lots of money…” he leaned down to you and squeezed your cheeks. “Which comes in handy in our family, doesn’t it.”
“You’d sell me for a penny, wouldn’t you brother?”
“Actually for a peanut but yeah a penny as well.” he winked and left the room.
“Fine!” you got back up and after him to the bathroom. “I’m going to spend New Years and I will pretend that nothing happened between James and I in his little Muggle car.”
“That’s all I’m saying, lil sis.” he said as he spat out the toothpaste. “We go, we toast, we drink, we go home.”
“Okay.” you leaned back and looked at him a bit more calmer.
“Now, will you stop be dramatic?”
“Yes.” you smiled and started to walk away. “I’m just going to get ready.”
“Okay.” Remus smiled and continued to brush his teeth and just as he started to floss, he remembered something. “Oh and (y/n)!” he shouted over.
“Yeah?!” you shouted back.
“I forgot to tell you that you’re working with James tomorrow morning!”
SUMMARY: You finally start to hang out with your brother’s friends to which you never had the opportunity to do before but what happens when you start to work with them and your brother? Especially when one specific boy is starting to show interest in you?
A/N: I really wanted to write this for such a long time but I always avoided it. I feel like I have the time and the motivation to start writing it again. I don’t know what has been happening to me lately that I haven’t written anything in so long but here I am. Back. And I’m going to write this series in months instead of parts.
PAIRING: James Potter x reader
XX
It wasn’t easy being twenty-one but it sure was not boring either. You had been running from one place to another, one person to the next and finally coming home and collapsing on the bed.
Social butterfly… or something.
“Bloody hell, (y/n). It’s getting real annoying when all you do is run around all day and come home and just go to your room like there aren’t things to be done in this house.” your brother burst in your room.
“I am a twenty-one year old woman, Remmy.” you lifted your hand from your side. “I am either at work or in the gym or here- I might as well go out and have some fun, now that my job has finally let me two weeks off.”
You could hear him chuckle. “Alright twenty-year old woman. Go get dressed if you want to go out with me and some of my friends.” he threw a coat towards you and left.
You groaned into your pillow, got up and with your coat in your hand, you left with him.
—
You knew some of Remus’ friends. The ones he usually hangs out with and constantly talks about but you never took any interest in them before. Years later, even afer Hogwarts, you started to become more full of life and joy to be around new people.
You walked in front of Remus- with you head held high and a bright smile on your face you saw James sitting curled up in his chair. He had a black coat on and a beanie that let his front hair press on his forehead. His cheeks were all rosy from the cold and he had not wore his glasses.
You didn’t hug him or shook his hand, you only smiled brightly. “Oi!” you spoke loudly until his eyes caught a glimpse of yours and he smiled, his cheeks bulking up to his eyes. You sat down diagonally from him and waited for your brother to join.
“Hey.” he smiled just as brightly but didn’t say anything less.
James and you never really knew each other, despite your brother being his best friend. You remember seeing him back in Hogwarts but since he was out, not so much. Not even with Remus. Remus, Sirius and James had all been over-working themselves all summer and fall, going into winter. Most of them all, James was the one that was always more into work than the rest. He also started some further classes in the Dark Arts that are necessary for becoming a full time Auror, meanwhile Remus and Sirius had both been close to finishing those. Remus was in the lead, of course.
Now James and Remus continued to talk about work, work only they knew about and you were pretty much bored during these drinks.
That was of course until Sirius Black came along.
Sirius came very quietly and he hugged you from behind. “Hey there lil sis.” he ruffled your hair and you giggled. “Where the hell were you hiding?”
“Hey you!” you smiled brightly up at him. “Well, you know. Working and working and working and working.”
“Oh, where do you work exactly again?” James asked you finally for the first time in this whole time.
“Oh, it’s in this Muggle company a town away. It’s pretty darn easy most of the time but some days it’s unbearable.”
“What do you do?” he asked as Remus and Sirius had been having their own conversation.
“Depends where they throw me. Some days I’m behind this machine where I count the pieces, some days I’m helping with cleaning the mass from those other pieces, some days I’m behind an industrial line which is the best work yet because I can do pretty much whatever I want once the line breaks down, which happens so many times in one shift.”
“And you work night shifts too?”
“Night shifts are the best of the best.” you laughed. “The adventures I had with my co-workers.” you continued to laugh as you reminisces, your eyes shining brightly as Sirius and Remus put their attention on you. “We had so much fun- always messing around and joking and sometimes after work we went to go get cheeseburgers and get high and things.” you continued. “It’s the only reason I stayed in this company but now they left and I’m thinking of leaving too.”
“You are?” Remus raised an eyebrow at you.
“Yeah. It’s not the same but I’ll find another job before I quit this one.”
“I totally support that girl!” Sirius high fived you.
And you wish you knew what was about to happen after that day but back then everything seemed so innocent and normal.
Well, maybe it was good you didn’t see it coming- everything that was about to come with the boy sitting diagonally from you and innocently drinking his tea.
Summary: Maybe once I did believe that you and I were meant to be. But now you’re gone and I finally see, I couldn’t be anymore free.
Sirius Black was a layered misconception.
It was publicly known that Sirius Black was a charming boy with a dazzling smile and a flirtatious rhetoric that swooned all the girls off their asses. It had even swayed you off your feet and into his arms and at the time you had felt like the luckiest person in the world.
It started like all tragic love stories did. The beginning was like a foggy daydream consisting of days spent dancing in the rain, hours tucked away in corners of the hallway and sipping Butterbeer in Hogsmeade in the booth towards the back. He was all smiles and soft kisses. You were living the dream.
“My love for you…” he told you one snowy outing. “Has vastly exceeded the love I feel for myself.”
You had raised your eyebrows with a grin. “Oh, really? I didn’t think that was possible.”
He had chuckled. “Neither did I.”
Perfect.
But it soon transitioned into one of your worst nightmares.
The second phase of the said dream was when things started to escalate. There were no more dates in Hogsmeade, only outings with his friends. Nights you spent with him he’d only fall asleep. Sirius Black had never been a relationship kind of guy and perhaps you didn’t know this but his friends sure did and no warning was given to you about the consequences.
In classes, he would flirt openly with anyone he set his eyes on. That charming smile you once thought was reserved for you was now openly shared and appreciated by all. You’d watch as he’d flirt and his victim would run their fingers along him whenever they could and you’d have to watch in embarrassment as all your classmates watched your boyfriend shamelessly flirt his heart out with someone else.
“Would you quit it?” you told him one morning over breakfast.
“Quit what?” he asked nonchalantly. His eyes wouldn’t meet yours but the cool unreadable expression remained on his face.
You glared at him. “You know what.”
He turned to you with a knowing look in his eyes despite the lie that left his lips. “I assure you I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
His attitude angered you to no end and you were done with his actions. “Well, you better figure it out.”
With that you had gotten up and left him eating lunch with a slightly shocked look on his face.
The final phase of dreaming was waking up. It was quick and startling and it’s only after you wake-up that you no longer hold the vivid feeling of being within a nightmare. Waking up wasn’t easy for you. However, you could pinpoint the exact moment that you woke and it was the day he had skipped your anniversary dinner.
That was the last straw for you.
“We’re done.” you said, serious but simple. The night air was cold when you finally found him on the trail to Hogsmeade, two and a half hours late. “I’m not even going to waste my breath on you.”
“What?” he replied, mouth dropping slightly. “Look I was about to show up!”
“Yeah!” you exhaled. “Two and a half hours late!” you approached him angrily. “You know, I don’t even know why I waited half an hour, let alone an hour, let alone two and a half! I cared about you too much and look where that left me.”
His face scrunched in frustration. “Cared? I still care about you and you still care about me. That’s how relationships work.”
“Well, if you cared you have a real fucked up way of showing it and I’m starting to think you don’t deserve mine.”
You had shouldered past him, the tears now beginning to stream down your face and for what reason you didn’t know. He didn’t deserve your tears but you had loved him once and love left a lingering sting. Sirius Black, despite all his complexities, was someone who had snuck his way into the crevices of your heart only to leave you feeling more empty than whole.
But now he was out of your life.
And Sirius?
Sirius was more heartbroken than anyone imagined. He knew he was an asshole and it was not something he was proud of. But he remembered all those moments with you where you were tucked in his arms or how you would dance to stupid songs about teenagers in love.
No one had ever made him feel like that before.
In all honesty it terrified him more it should. Youterrified him. The way you made him feel was beautiful but it also made him feel scared… stuck. In the beginning he indulged not knowing how deep those little moments would hit him. And then one day he woke up and realized… he was in love with you.
He was in love with your hair and your eyes and the way you said certain words. He loved the way you told him off and whenever you murmured “I love you” because all his life he had never heard someone say that to him before.
And now that person was gone and he was left standing alone in the snow.
“Fuck.” he muttered.
—
It did not take a day to get over someone.
But eventually you moved on. You wouldn’t allow someone to break your heart and ruin your entire life besides that. You came to class the next day with a smile held up on your face and a nice outfit and if the rumor hadn’t spread so quickly around the halls you were sure no one would’ve known Sirius and you were no more.
And that attitude paid off, you met someone new who made you realize you had spent so long believing Sirius had been the one for you. Believing that there was no one else who could possibly mean as much to you as he did. Now you danced with someone who danced in return and continued to do so even when they weren’t feeling up to it. They made your anniversary and reassured you that years more would come.
You gained everything you always wanted.
Sirius lost everything he once had.
—
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Bloody hell, my loves, I think I wrote and rewrote this part about 40 times, but here it is. It’s probably the biggest segue yet, and I truly hope it doesn’t disappoint.
It was around 6,200 words last I checked, for those who want to know, and as always, please let me know what you think! And if I’ve forgotten anyone on the tag list!
James made sure to continue looking decidedly groggy and disinterested as he brushed his teeth.
“Dunno. Ask Moony?”
“I did, he says he doesn’t have it. And Pete doesn’t have it.”
“Well, clearly I don’t either,” James said, turning from the mirror to lift his arms as he stood in front of Sirius wearing nothing but a towel.
Sirius raised an eyebrow. “Don’t think I’d put it past you.”
“To what, clamp it between my arse cheeks? I said I don’t bloody have it.”
“So if I were to look in your trunk…”
“You say that as if I don’t know you already did. And has it occurred to you that Y/N might have it?” James turned back to the sink and began washing his face, still carefully maintaining his air of nonchalance. “She said something about needing to make amends with Evans for last night. Maybe she’s going backhander shopping at Honeydukes.”
That seemed to satisfy Sirius. He popped James lightly on the back of the head before making his way out of the bathroom.
“Prink faster, will you? I’m Marvin.”
“We can’t all roll out of bed looking like Godric’s gift to women. Some of us have to work at it.”
Bloody hell, my loves, I think I wrote and rewrote this part about 40 times, but here it is. It’s probably the biggest segue yet, and I truly hope it doesn’t disappoint.
It was around 6,200 words last I checked, for those who want to know, and as always, please let me know what you think! And if I’ve forgotten anyone on the tag list!
James made sure to continue looking decidedly groggy and disinterested as he brushed his teeth.
“Dunno. Ask Moony?”
“I did, he says he doesn’t have it. And Pete doesn’t have it.”
“Well, clearly I don’t either,” James said, turning from the mirror to lift his arms as he stood in front of Sirius wearing nothing but a towel.
Sirius raised an eyebrow. “Don’t think I’d put it past you.”
“To what, clamp it between my arse cheeks? I said I don’t bloody have it.”
“So if I were to look in your trunk…”
“You say that as if I don’t know you already did. And has it occurred to you that Y/N might have it?” James turned back to the sink and began washing his face, still carefully maintaining his air of nonchalance. “She said something about needing to make amends with Evans for last night. Maybe she’s going backhander shopping at Honeydukes.”
That seemed to satisfy Sirius. He popped James lightly on the back of the head before making his way out of the bathroom.
“Prink faster, will you? I’m Marvin.”
“We can’t all roll out of bed looking like Godric’s gift to women. Some of us have to work at it.”
James towelled off and took a breath. He didn’t like lying to Sirius. But then, he wasn’t technically lying. You did have the map. He just left out the minor detail that you were holding it for him till the weekend so he could use it to spy on Padfoot. He may have neglected to let you in on that detail as well.
Once back in the room, James evaluated the overall mood as he dressed. The mess around Peter’s bed was growing by the minute as he added the contents of his trunk to the floor in search of his left shoe. Remus and Sirius, meanwhile, were laughing about the unfortunate haircut Alice had given Frank that Frank refused to set right for fear of hurting her feelings. James gave his own hair a good tousle and hoped this wasn’t his lot in life now – blokes with girls talking to blokes with girls about other blokes with girls, while he and Pete just wandered around in the background, looking for their left shoes.
“Fuck’s sake, Worms, you’d think we weren’t literally at magic school right now,” Sirius said as Peter raked another pile of parchments, comics and socks out of his trunk. “Accio Peter’s left shoe.”
The shoe in question came flying from behind Peter’s bedside table. Sirius caught it and tossed it to him.
“Now can we please go to breakfast? If someone’s taken all the good scones before I had a chance to take all the good scones, I’m having Fortescue give you all haircuts.”
“If you’ll recall, I warned you this was going to happen. You forgot the second ‘N’ in 'Rennervate’.”
“I do recall.”
“And I told you I wouldn’t help you if you didn’t get it done last night, didn’t I? You need to mention the Shield Charm in that paragraph.”
“You did tell me that.”
“But you never listen, do you? Add a few foreign translations. 'Sersemlet’ in Turkish. 'Desmaius’ in Spanish. 'Stupor’ in German.”
“I absolutely never listen.”
“I’m sorry to be so harsh, but I just hope you’ve learnt a lesson this time,” Lily concluded as you rolled your Charms essay. You hoped you looked properly admonished, since the only thing you’d learnt was that you could always count on Lily to compulsively help you finish your assignments, even while in the midst of telling you she wasn’t helping you finish your assignments.
She sat down on your trunk as you finished packing your bag, and you could practically see your lecture running through her mind. She’d let you off the hook last night with a terse “let’s just get some sleep”, but now she looked every bit the mum about to give her daughter the “birds and bees” talk. Oh, Godric… she wasn’t about to give you the “birds and bees” talk, was she?
You were slightly relieved when she seemed more concerned about your method of exit last night.
“That’s a hundred-foot drop, Y/N.”
“I had a Whizzbee.”
“Which transitioned when from a sweet to a safety device? And I saw what he did with the broom – diving when he knew you weren’t even properly hanging on yet.”
“I’ve done more than my share of Wronski Feints, Lily, we play Quidditch. We’re perfectly comfortable in the air, and–”
“I know you’ve an answer for everything,” she said, cutting you off, “but I just want you to think about something for one second. Really think about it: What would’ve happened if something went wrong and you got hurt?”
“He wouldn’t have let me,” you said simply.
“Do you honestly trust him that much? I know he’d never hurt you on purpose, but you have to admit, he doesn’t tend to think things completely through.”
“Lily, I know you don’t like him, but is it really so awful not to think everything to death? I’ve been doing naught but thinking since term started, and where’s it gotten me? Confused, stressed, attracting hideous amounts of unwanted attention, and extremely bloody sleepy.”
“It’s nothing to do with liking him, it’s to do with understanding him a bit better after yesterday. It would seem he’s being backed into a corner. And as I recently learned you’re all part-time animals, I’m sure you can see where I’m going with that.”
“If you ever find Sirius Black attacking his way out of a corner – boy or dog – it’ll be because he’s pinned his friends behind him and is trying to protect them. That’s one thing it’d actually be great if you could understand about him, Lily. He can be an utterly selfish git, yes. He’ll take all the good scones, he’ll jump all the queues, he’ll buy the last Bad Company shirt in the shop even though he knew how much you wanted it…”
“Still hurts, does it?”
“It will always hurt.” Bloody hell, you’d wanted that shirt. You nearly decided to just end on that note and let Lily go on thinking the worst of the lousy shirt thief.
“Anyway, he’s a git. But when it’s something really important, he’s also the most selfless person I’ve ever known. And yeah, I’d trust him with my life.”
Lily looked you hard in the eyes until you crossed yours. She rolled hers and grabbed her bag off her bed.
“Fair enough. You’ve all made it this far without being expelled or permanently dismembered, and that’s more than I’d have put money on. Ready for some mediocre scones?”
“Just you watch – every one of them’s going to be lemon,” you sighed, joining her on her way to the door. “Oh, and Lily? I’d trust James with my life, too.”
“I wouldn’t trust Potter with my third toe.”
“Oh, well that I wouldn’t do either, he’s got a bit of a foot fetish.”
“And there goes my appetite…”
“More mediocre scones for me then!”
The week was a somewhat dull blur of Quidditch training and Lily demanding you focus on your schoolwork because in case you and the Marauders had forgotten, this was, in fact, an educational institution and not your own personal playground of wayward debauchery.
The Marauders continued forgetting.
Monday’s swearing-chalk stunt was a great success – you’d even caught Lily giggling a few times as Binns floated by, droning on about the Goblin Rebellion of 1752, completely oblivious to the torrent of obscenities his blackboard was unleashing. For an encore, however, they challenged Peeves to see who could come up with the most rude rhymes for “Snape”. Considering it took him a full two days of recitation whilst chasing Severus through the halls before he ran out of limericks, Peeves was the clear victor. But Lily was decidedly less amused by that prank, meaning you, Marlene and Emmeline had to spend all your free time placating her with revision sessions to stop her setting anyone on fire.
Elsewhere, Hogwarts had managed to weave a fascinating tale around you, Remus and Sirius, not a single portion of which was true.
Apparently, you and Sirius had been secretly dating since fourth year. Or had been bethrothed since birth, depending on who was telling the story. But a “volatile relationship between two people who are clearly mad as hatters”, as you overheard one seventh year put it, “well, it was just doomed from the start, wasn’t it?” Lovely. Anyway, all that doom boiled over when Sirius discovered Remus had taken you on a “clandestine” (publicly clandestine?) Hogsmeade jaunt, and your and Sirius’s fight was followed by an all-out brawl between Sirius and Remus in the Marauders’ dorm, which Sirius won. Or Sirius had challenged Remus to a duel, which Sirius won. Or in one particularly interesting version, Sirius had pushed Remus off the Astronomy Tower, which obviously also counted as a win. And now, you were either furious with Sirius, furious with Remus, or furious with them both, and everyone was waiting with bated breath to see what happened next.
The fact the three of you were currently taking your tea with James and Peter with nary a hint of conflict seemed to mean nothing to anyone.
“The thing that gets me is, I lose in every single version of this rumour,” Remus complained, shooting a hand out to snatch the last Bourbon away from Pete. “Not one person at this entire school could come up with a single scenario where I win?”
“Well, you’re clearly quick,” Peter frowned, settling for a Ginger Nut, “so I can’t see you just hanging about and letting Padfoot chuck you off the tower.”
“So… I successfully run away instead?”
“Well? It’s not a loss.”
“I’d win a bloody duel. Y/N, I’d win a duel, right?”
“Nah, you play too fair. Sirius would cheat.”
“Excuse me? You mean I’d be too creative to be limited by the parameters of mundane rules.”
“Six of one. Oh, Remus, don’t look like that. Tell you what, I’ll have Marly start a new rumour. You and Sirius decide how you’d win.”
“He challenges me to a swot-off?”
“How about I challenge you to sodoff?”
“Now, now, Moony, the real issue here isn’t that you’re losing, it’s that I’m winning in such completely uninspired ways. No one wants to lose a boring old dust-up. But what say you to losing a flying motorbike race whilst being pursued by a rogue dragon?”
“I say you’ve finally gone all the way doolally? Flying motorbikes don’t even exist–”
“Yet.”
“Fine, yet, but if we’re to’ve raced them, they sort of need to exist now. Meanwhile, I’ve still lost…”
“There’s an X factor in this version, though. What if you were neck and neck, and then bam, in comes the dragon, and you’re knocked off course as you narrowly dodge the vicious snap of its gaping jaws?”
“See? She gets it.”
“That’s not a comfort. But if that’s the case, then it should be a draw on the grounds of dragon interference.”
“Can I just interject to ask where I am in all of this? As if two of my best mates would be battling over another of my best mates and I wouldn’t be there to referee or provide moral support or witty commentary?”
“You’re where you always are: asleep in the common room,” you smiled at James, and as the lads laughed, you noticed Lily standing a few yards away, looking at the lot of you like you had three heads apiece.
“See you in DADA. Don’t be late,” you said around the last gulp of your tea before moving to intercept Lily. She still wasn’t quite over the Snape (“the oily snake, who shampooed once just by mistake, and his hair turned to mush like a sodden cake”… yeah, you’d had that one stuck in your head for days) incident, and you didn’t need James to lose any more points by saying something Jamesy.
“You really are all absolutely mental.”
“It’s basically a survival technique at this point. What’s going on?”
“I can’t find Marlene anywhere. She has my DADA notes, and I want to get to class early and start on the new chapter. Do you know–”
“Who would actually win a swot-off against Remus? Yes, I think I do.”
“Cute. Do you know where she is?”
“Let me step into this cupboard for a moment and I will.”
“Let you…? How is that going to help?”
“Just wait here and don’t open the door.”
You didn’t know what James was up to this weekend that would require you hiding the map, but you were glad to have it. There was a little errand you’d decided needed running, and as you looked over the names that slowly materialised, you reckoned now might be as good a time as any.
It took you a few minutes to spot Marlene in one of the empty classrooms on the fifth floor. Before you could wonder what she was doing there, you noticed another name quite close to hers: Duane Morgan. Merlin, Marlene. But actually, that might just work. Best of British to them, anyway. You gave the map a quick salute before tapping it with your wand and whispering “mischief managed”.
“She’s in the fifth-floor empty classroom next to the Boris statue,” you told Lily as you exited the cupboard and headed for the main doors. “Knock first and don’t act shocked to see Morgan.”
“Morgan?! Y/N Y/L/N, what did you just do?”
“The less you know, the happier you’ll be!” you called over your shoulder.
It was overcast and windy out, and you buried your face in your robes as a cold gust sent leaves swirling across the grounds. You hadn’t thought much about what you wanted to say, and that was just as well. Saying too much seemed to be what always led to friction when it came to him and the Marauders. The two of you, on the other hand, had maintained an odd sort of respectful civility by keeping your infrequent interactions brief, polite, and to the point.
You rounded a corner and found him sitting with his back against a large stone atop the slope that led down to Hagrid’s hut, using it to block the wind as he read. As you quietly approached, you could make out the dust jacket: The Eagle Has Landed. You’d seen a review in Remus’s copy of the Sunday Times last week. Brand-new Muggle novel about basically good people being forcibly recruited by the Nazis to do something bad. Undoubtedly a gift from Alphard. You hoped beyond hope that Alphard’s influence was taking root in there somewhere amongst the noxious weeds his parents sowed.
“Hello, Regulus.”
In the swift hands of a fellow seeker, the book vanished into his robes, but he relaxed when he saw it was you. He let out a small breath of what you assumed was relief and laid the novel in his lap as he peered up at you.
He didn’t have Sirius’s looks, but he was growing to be striking in his own way. If only he didn’t look so… repressed. Even without that pompous expression he wore whenever he was around his Housemates, he was a bit too pale, a bit too drawn, a bit too dour. Like a plant that had been denied proper sunlight for much too long.
Whereas Sirius had overcome his environment, Regulus was a clear product of it. He simply looked like what he was: an unhappy boy with no true friends, not thriving or having fun or looking forward to life’s adventures but just going through the motions of a rigidly scripted existence. And accustomed to having to hide his few joys from virtually everyone he knew.
His eyes – not grey like his brother’s but a misty blue that put you in mind of a hazy day on the ocean – were slightly wary now. You’d been regarding him a bit too long, and you needed him at ease for this conversation.
“To what do I owe the–”
“Rapturous pleasure of my delightful company?”
A ghost of a smile. So far, so good.
“Before we get to that, it’s helpful to keep a few decoy dust jackets about for when you don’t want people minding your business. Dull titles that have to do with maths and such. Remus and I have plenty; I’ll owl you a few.”
“Really? I’d… that is, that would be greatly appreciated. Thank you,” he said stiffly, but the look on his face gave him away as pleased. Time to get to the point.
“I’ve come to ask a favour. I don’t know what’s expected of you when it comes to your parents, and I’d never pretend to. But if there’s any way you could just play dumb from here on out when it comes to the topic of your brother’s… romantic pursuits, that would also be greatly appreciated.”
You’d expected him to be combative, to tell you to keep your nose out of his family’s affairs. You were surprised, therefore, to see him looking more apologetic than anything.
“I didn’t give them a name, I swear. I honestly thought they’d be glad. He’ll be of age next month. They want something settled, and every time they’ve spoken to him about it, he’s said… well, he…”
Regulus blushed and looked down at his book, so you finished for him. You’d heard Sirius say it often enough, and frankly, it never got less funny.
“He’s said he’d shag his way through the entire East End twice before he wasted a perfectly good ring on the finger of those shop mannequins playing at girls their jumped-up society friends birthed?”
The ghost of a smile took full form this time, and you grinned back.
“Yeah. That. Anyway, I thought they’d be relieved to hear that he seemed to be genuinely interested in someone. But if you’re here, I take it they’re not. So I won’t mention it again. And if they ask, I’ll tell them I’ve heard it didn’t work out. Is this agreeable?”
“It’s agreeable. Merci, Monsieur Noir.”
He smirked at you, and you felt the usual regret. There was still time for Regulus, but it was running out with every expectation he lived up to and every rule Sirius broke.
“Y/N?”
“Oui?”
“I’m not out to get him, you know. He thinks I am. I don’t like the way things are any more than he does, but it’s just the way things are. He has responsibilities. We both do. But… he’s my brother, and I love him,” he said firmly, but his expression was hesitant, as if he had just admitted a shortcoming. “If you could… perhaps not in those exact words, but…”
“I’ll give him your best, Regulus.”
“Please do.”
You turned to walk away but were stopped short by something he’d said.
“Hey, when you say you didn’t give your parents a name… does that mean you have a name to give?”
He seemed genuinely perplexed. “What do you mean?”
“Do you know who it is? The girl Sirius is interested in?”
Regulus looked at you as if unsure whether you were having him on or not. You supposed it was a surprising revelation, him knowing something about Sirius that his best mates didn’t, but you weren’t opposed to finding out this way if you had to. Sirius might have his reasons for keeping this under wraps, but you had no plans to break his trust. You just… needed to know. You needed the peace of mind of knowing that this girl wasn’t the type who might hurt him. He’d been hurt enough.
Unfortunately, Regulus didn’t look like someone about to divulge information.
His face was the picture of pure surprise now; his mouth had even fallen open a bit. He looked, for once, like a regular 13-year-old boy – and sounded like one, too, when he breathed: “You mean you honestly don’t know?”
“I don’t, but just forget I asked. It’s none of mine anyway, really.”
“Well, it’s sort of… wow. Yeah. Best not, actually. It’s not my place.”
Damn.
“No worries at all. Thanks again for the favour, and I’ll send those jackets off tonight. Until our next covert chat!”
You turned back one more time as he stood, fastidiously brushing bits of grass from his robes.
“Take care, alright, Regulus? Also, I’m easy to find. Should you ever need to find someone.”
“You take care as well,” he said quietly, avoiding the overture. As always.
“So despite the great personal risk to my toes, I’ll come up and get it. Just slide it under your door at midnight. That way, we can be sure no one sees you making the handover.”
“This is all extremely Avengers, isn’t it?” you asked, shoving your Quidditch gear into your locker. “Any particular reason?”
“Yes.”
“Git.”
“Aaargh, Y/N, don’t make me feel bad about this. There’s just something I need to check on. The lads don’t know either, and I swear I’ll tell you first if it turns out to be anything important. Deal?”
“Fine. 'You can keep your secret for the present, if you want to be mysterious.’”
“Tolkien!” Remus shouted as he flung the changing-room curtain aside. James laughed. He looked like a magician making a particularly dramatic stage entrance. It was good to see him so at ease.
“So Prongs has a secret?”
“Yes. I’m MI6, undercover. I trust Her Majesty’s Secret Service can rely on your discretion.”
“Git.”
“See?” you gestured. James stuck his tongue out at you and decided it was time for a diversion.
“What’re you up to, Moony? Come down to watch the old ball and chain practice?”
“I always watch practice, you div.”
“Hadn’t occurred to me to ask till now, but tomorrow’s Saturday. Going to Hogsmeade again, are we? Nudge nudge?”
“We’re all going to Hogsmeade together, like normal,” you answered, slinging your bag over your shoulder.
“Yeah,” Remus said, lifting the bag off your arm and onto his own. “Once everyone gets bored of the rumour-mongering, we’ll try another proper date.”
You gave Remus a sunny smile as he held the curtain back for you, and James realised with dawning horror that Remus Lupin was about a mile fucking smoother than him, and he was bloody well gaining on Sirius, for that matter. Never had he thought he’d be looking to the lad who’d come to Hogwarts terrified of his own shadow for lessons on how to impress girls, but he might do well to start taking notes.
The three of you made your way back to the castle together and got cleaned up for an uneventful dinner. Around ten – after several remarks about James’s “power-mad march towards tyranny” – Sirius declared himself exhausted and turned in early. James had run a particularly strenuous practice with just that outcome in mind. Remus’s second-favourite activity behind reading was sleeping, so he wasn’t far behind Pads, and Peter followed the majority, as usual.
There were a few sixth and seventh years still knocking about in the common room at midnight, but they were all focused on their books or conversations, and no one noticed when James slipped up the stairs to the girls’ dormitories. With the map safely beneath his shirt, he headed up to his room. Everyone was asleep, and he undressed quietly before sliding the map under his pillow and climbing into bed.
He’d hoped his tired body would drag him right off to sleep as well, but his brain had other ideas. Was he doing the right thing? Sirius was his best mate, and it stung a bit that he hadn’t talked to him about this relationship. James hadn’t been two minutes separated from the realisation that he fancied Lily before he was regaling Sirius with his plans for their future. He’d naturally assumed it would be the same when Padfoot finally set his sights on a girl. And he’d been blindsided when – in the space of just a few days – he’d gone from preparing for that conversation to be about you to wondering who the hell had turned Sirius’s head so quickly.
He had to know James would keep his confidence. So what was it? Was she a Slytherin? Had he actually developed feelings for one of the snobbish birds his parents had been forcing him to socialise with for years and was too embarrassed to say? Or was he embarrassed of James instead – afraid he’d say something offensive or do something daft? Was this his method of getting over you? Had he resigned himself to an arranged marriage and decided to make the best of a bad situation by snogging his intended at every opportunity?
It took some doing, but James finally quieted his inner monologue and, along with it, the fear that he was planning to follow Pads out of nothing but petty nosiness or wounded feelings. Things had not been going well for Sirius of late, and he was worried about him. All of you were worried about him. It didn’t matter to James who this girl was – so long as she was a good person who was treating Sirius well. Once he knew that for certain, he could relax and let everyone’s love lives fend for themselves.
He closed his eyes as the clock chimed two. Tomorrow was going to be an interesting day.
Breakfast lasted a week. Everyone got ready for six months. The walk to Hogsmeade was a decades-long pilgrimage for bloody butterbeer.
By the time the five of you had settled into a booth at the Broomsticks for lunch, James was convinced he’d be old and grey – but still ridiculously good-looking – before Sirius ever departed for his post-Hogsmeade date tonight. Not even watching a mildly tipsy Evans giggling with Vance, Fortescue and Macdonald a few tables over could cheer him up. Well… maybe it cheered him up a bit.
At least a distraction presented itself when McKinnon walked in with Morgan.
“How long’s that been going on?” Peter asked. McKinnon had spotted you and was trying to pull Morgan back out the door. From the look on her face, James guessed she hadn’t mentioned to you that she was seeing him.
“Not very long, I don’t think,” you answered. Morgan had spotted you as well now and seemed pretty adamant about coming in. That couldn’t be good.
“She didn’t tell you, did she?” Remus asked, having also noticed that Marlene looked as if she’d sooner leap into the fireplace at this point than be here. Morgan signalled for a pair of butterbeers and chose a table directly in your line of sight. That couldn’t be good either.
“No, but there’s no reason to. He wasn’t my boyfriend, we just went on a few dates. Last year, even.”
“Well, someone should tell him that before McKinnon runs out of oxygen,” Sirius said, nodding towards their table. Morgan was almost comically over-snogging the girl, pausing only to occasionally glance over to see if you were watching.
“Godric, poor Marlene,” you sighed. “What an arsehole.”
You turned and exchanged a look with Evans, who seemed to be trying to decide if she should go over and interrupt. Before she could, Sirius’s fingers flicked ever so slightly in Morgan’s direction as he pretended to scratch his nose. Suddenly, one of the butterbeers Rosmerta had just set on the table tipped over, drenching Morgan’s trousers.
He leapt up, cursing his way to the loo, and you and Evans descended on McKinnon, who was on the verge of tears. Once you’d convinced her she’d broken no sacred bonds where you were concerned and Evans had insisted she spend the rest of the trip with the girls, you returned to the table. James watched as you mouthed a quick “thank you” to Sirius, who tried for an innocent expression before giving up and winking at you.
After that, the group split up for the rest of the afternoon. You and Remus disappeared to the music shop, and Peter headed back to Honeydukes to try to chat up some bird he had his eye on. James and Sirius, meanwhile, elected to partake in one of their favourite forms of entertainment: donning the cloak and terrorising third years at the Shrieking Shack.
They’d just successfully sent a group screaming back towards the castle when you and Remus strolled up, large smiles on your faces.
“I thought that one kid was going to faint dead away when you were tugging on his robes,” you laughed as James pulled the cloak off the two of them.
“Just a few more satisfied customers!” Sirius grinned.
“Of some future therapist,” Remus added.
“The onus is on us to keep the 'shriek’ in Shrieking Shack, Moons,” James said, noticing with relief that twilight was finally creeping over the trees. “Do we need to round up Pete?”
“We saw him leaving with those Hufflepuffs,” Moony said, shaking his head.
“Was he using the 'my uncle manages the Rolling Stones’ story again?” James asked, cringing a bit. You bobbed your head.
“You’d think he’d have come up with a new one after he told it to that lass last year whose uncle actually did manage the Rolling Stones,” Sirius mused.
The four of you made your way back, boisterously singing Stones tunes the whole way, and after a quick dinner, Sirius excused himself and was gone. James decided to bide his time and was rewarded for it. Evans’s group returned and joined yours at the Gryffindor table, and – still relaxed by the butterbeer – she included James in her cheerful chattering as if she’d been doing it for years. By the time everyone decided to head up to the tower, he was practically glowing. Maybe he wouldn’t spend his life looking for his left shoe after all.
As the Hall thinned out, you and Remus hung back to congratulate him on not being persona non grata to the object of his affection for once. He told you to go on without him, saying he was going to do a bit of spying on Pete, who still had the Hufflepuff girls on the hook in the first-floor corridor. It wasn’t a lie; he listened in from beneath the cloak until Peter started assuring them he could procure tickets to the Rolling Stones concert of their choice. That boy’s lying was becoming a problem.
James headed back to the ground floor and found a quiet corner wherein he could spread out the map. Taking a deep breath, he whispered the words.
He scrutinised every nook and cranny in the castle, every tucked-away little alcove or dead-end space in a rarely used corridor where two people might sneak off to be alone. And while he discovered quite a few apparent trysts he’d never have predicted, what he didn’t find was Sirius.
He’d developed quite the headache by the time he decided to try the grounds, and that’s when he finally spotted him. In one of the greenhouses. Personally, James found the greenhouses to be more hideously disturbing than romantic at night, but to each his own. He adjusted his glasses and steeled himself to read the name alongside Sirius’s.
Only… there wasn’t one.
Shit, had he missed her? He looked quickly for dots that might have recently entered the castle from outside and found none. James pounded his fist on the floor in frustration. He’d never be able to keep the map away from Sirius for another week. He should’ve just left the Great Hall when Padfoot did, but he’d been too caught up in Evans treating him like a human, and now he’d blown the whole thing.
He was folding the map in defeat and preparing to go up to bed when the penny finally dropped.
Fuck.
He hadn’t missed Mystery Bird; she’d never been there at all. She’d never been anywhere at all because she didn’t bloody exist. Sirius had made her up. To avoid the conversation you were trying to have with him the night of the party. To protect himself after you agreed to a date with Remus. So that you wouldn’t find out he’d stood aside for Moony and would instead think he’d already been interested in another girl.
That stupid fucking and yet still somehow rather impressively selfless idiot.
The main doors appeared to open and close on their own as James took off for the greenhouses. There was a very slim chance he could still be wrong, but the pieces had fallen too perfectly into place. He’d forgotten which greenhouse Sirius had been in amidst the shock of his revelation, but he finally found him in the third, slumped against a stack of potting-compost bags, a half-empty bottle of firewhisky beside him. He was either asleep or unconscious, and James lit his wand in order to examine the ground around him. Only one set of footprints.
“Pads,” James said loudly, and Sirius jolted. He tried for a moment to scramble to his feet but couldn’t find purchase in the dirt. Dropping back against the compost, he raised the bottle of whisky towards James instead before taking a long drink.
“Sirius, what the hell are you doing?”
“Dating.”
“Dating? Well, I must say, this is not at all as advertised, and I have to wonder now why everyone’s so bloody interested in doing it.”
“Was dating. Date’s over.”
“Ah. When did the date end?”
“Five minutes. Just missed her.”
“That’s interesting, because I had the map out five minutes ago–”
“I fucking knew you had the map, you lied to my–”
“I didn’t lie to your anything, Y/N did have the map till last night. So as I was saying, I had the map out five minutes ago, and I couldn’t seem to find a name anywhere in the vicinity of yours.”
“Okay, ten minutes.”
“I had it out ten minutes ago, too.”
“Twenty then, what do I know, I’m drunk, and you did lie. If she had it, then you gave it to her just so you could do this. I can’t believe you–”
“And I can’t believe you. You couldn’t just tell me you’d made it all up? Me?”
“Made what up? So she left before you got the map out, so what, it’s none of your fucking business, James.”
“You made up a girl because you were afraid Y/N was going to tell you she–”
“What does Y/N have to do with anything. She’s with Remus. She belongs with Remus.”
“Did you honestly think I wouldn’t understand? And did you think she wasn’t just as scared as you? It took a lot for her to walk over there that night, Pads, she–”
“I can’t help it if she thought she was… whatever she thought she was. She was wrong, she got it straightened out, and that’s it. And it’s good luck she did, too, because… because I don’t even think of her that way. Never have.”
“Oh, really?”
“Really. She’s a friend, that’s all. A good friend. So just drop it, will you.”
“So it wouldn’t mean anything to you if I were to tell you she–”
“Leave it, for fuck’s sake!!”
“Sirius, she loves you.”
“She doesn’t. She loves Remus.”
“Sirius…”
“I don’t love her.”
“Sirius.”
“Ican’t love her, James…”
His voice broke, and he crumbled. James had seen Sirius cry before over the course of their friendship. But they had always been angry tears. Furiously storming out of the Potters’ fireplace after a row with his parents, defiantly swiping a sleeve over cheeks that were wet with disgust and shame and resentment, not sadness.
James suddenly had a very startling picture of just how terrifyingly powerful love could be as he dropped to his knees and pulled his sobbing friend into his arms. Sirius’s entire body was heaving, and James did his best to hold him steady until it stopped, not having a clue what else to do in that moment. What he did know was that he and Sirius were long overdue for a talk. But not now, and not here.
When Sirius’s misery had given way to the occasional shuddering sigh, James gently helped him to his feet.
“You can’t tell her, Prongs… swear to me you won’t tell her.”
“I won’t tell her, I swear. But mate, you need to tell me what’s going on. Everything that’s going on. And then we’ll go from there. Alright?”
Sirius nodded as James grabbed his upper arm for support, and the two turned to leave before James had a thought.
“Let’s just take this with us, shall we,” he said, bending to grab the liquor bottle. “The last thing I ever want to see in my life is a Venomous Tentacula that’s gone and watered itself with firewhisky.”
There was a pause, and then they both erupted in laughter. The boys were still howling as they staggered into the secret passage behind the ivy and had to stop midway through just to let the mania wear off before they got themselves nicked.
James took in a heavy breath as he pulled off his glasses to wipe his face. Crying, laughing, love, pain, fear, worry, hope… and all in the space of about five minutes.
I’ve been stuck on this part so long, and I finally sussed out that I was vastly overthinking where I wanted it to go next. Soooo I reckoned if I let this part move out of the house and be its own person, the next part might be free to, y'know, move into its old room and get comfy lol
This one is still around 5,000 words on its own, though, so I desperately hope it doesn’t feel like shortchanging. I love every one of you who’s read any part of this, and I promise I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now! Happy belated Halloween, and please feel more than free to keep guiding my scattered self through what I am determined will be my first finished fanfic! <3
“So call me cynical, but I think that was less about making sure you were alright and more about sussing out whether you’ve called bagsy on Remus or Sirius so they can go after the other one,” Marlene said, pulling her hair into a ponytail.
“Well spotted.” Your voice was muffled beneath the pillows you’d piled over your head.
“Come out from there and do your Charms work,” Lily called from her bed.
“My favourite was the third year who asked you to get her a lock of Black’s hair,” Marlene continued cheerfully.
“Or that girl who asked if Lupin had any tattoos,” Emmeline added as she and Marlene descended into a fit of giggles.
“Does Ilvermorny have a student exchange programme?” you wondered aloud.
“I’m not going to help you in the morning if you haven’t done your essay,” Lily warned, meticulously filling out her diary for the week.
You wished you had James’s cloak so you could slip out of the room. Better yet, out of the school. Out into the night and just stop thinking. James was right. You were tired of thinking. And worrying, second-guessing, trying to interpret and predict everyone else’s thoughts and feelings and moods… You knew you needed to listen to Lily, but that was just more thinking you didn’t have the energy to do.
Instead, you remained in your bedclothes cocoon until the girls had settled in, their rustlings eventually replaced by the familiar sounds of the castle at night – the distant creaks and thumps and pops you’d always found strangely calming. You were just about to let them lull you to sleep when you heard a light tapping at the window beside your bed.
It was late for an owl, and you jolted back into alertness, hoping nothing was wrong. The tapping sounded again as you dropped onto the sill and lifted the latch. Pushing the window open, you were met with nothing but inky darkness. You leaned forwards, confused, and were about to poke your head out when Sirius’s face rose suddenly in front of you.
“Candygram!” he grinned, proffering a Fizzing Whizzbee.
You fell back onto one elbow, gasping so hard a shrill wheeze emitted from your throat.
“Holy… what– how are you–?”
Your mind was racing as fast as your heart as you watched him bobbing in mid-air, still holding out the sweet. Not even ten packets of Whizzbees could lift someone that high off the ground.
You sat up as Sirius receded from the window, affording you a full view of him – astride his broomstick. Exhaling slowly as he drifted back to the window, you snatched the sherbet off his open palm.
“As apologies for giving someone a heart attack go, this is lacking.”
“I haven’t begun apologising yet,” he said, abruptly solemn, and the tension left your body so quickly you almost tipped over again. You weren’t angry with him. Maybe you should’ve been. He had acted like a prat, but at the end of the day, the last thing he’d said to you (shouted at you, whatever) was that he wanted you to be happy.
What would make you happy was for him to be happy again.
“Sirius, you don’t need to–”
“I do and shall, but first – fancy a spin?”
He raised his eyebrows at you hopefully, and you smiled.
“Please tell me Black isn’t somehow floating outside our window right now,” Lily’s groggy voice came from across the room.
“You did tell him to keep off the stairs…”
Sirius laughed, and your smile widened at the sound of it.
“Give that a go,” he said, gesturing to the Whizzbee. “I don’t want you trying to drop straight off the edge.”
“Please tell me you’re not about to climb out a window over a hundred feet in the air!” Lily said, her pitch and volume rising with every word.
“Course I’m not, you’re dreaming,” you said clumsily around the large sweet in your mouth, scooting to the edge of the sill and dangling your legs out the window. You felt like you were the one dreaming as your bum suddenly lifted a few inches off the stone beneath you and Sirius took hold of your wrist, smoothly guiding your hovering form across the sheer drop and over to his broom. You put a hand on his shoulder, discarding the Whizzbee and settling lightly onto the broomstick behind him.
The natural thing, of course, would’ve been to wrap your arms around his middle, but you couldn’t seem to make yourself do it, awkwardly clutching the bottom of his T-shirt instead and shifting slightly backwards to widen the gap between you. Sirius swivelled his head, side-eyeing you amusedly, and you looked up, pretending to admire the stars.
That was your first mistake.
Without warning, Sirius dropped the nose of the broom, sending it plummeting into a downward dive. You could’ve sworn you’d screamed, but the corresponding sound never came as all air was ripped from your lungs by the sudden fall. Your stomach, meanwhile, felt like it’d been left on the swiftly retreating windowsill.
Survival instincts shoved inner turmoil out of the way. You flung your arms around him, clamping your hands tightly over his stomach and flattening yourself against his back. Your eyes were watering so that you could barely see, and you sputtered as you tried to extricate strands of Sirius’s wildly flapping hair from your mouth.
At that, he pulled the broomstick out of its dive, levelling off about 15 feet above the ground and pausing there. You could feel his body shaking with silent laughter as you released your grip on him to exasperatedly shove his hair down the back of his shirt. You wanted to call him any number of names, cuff him on the back of the head, kick him in the ankle.
But you found those options all paled in comparison to how much you wanted to wrap your arms around him again and let him go on laughing forever.
He glanced back tentatively, apparently expecting one of the more violent reactions. You gave him your brightest smile instead.
“Thought we were going for a spin?”
Sirius beamed, and your heart leapt at the mirthful glint in his eyes. It had been missing for so long.
“As you wish.”
The broom shot upwards, rocketing high above the castle before Sirius turned abruptly, launching the two of you into a series of loops and barrel rolls that had you shrieking with joy. The waning moon resembled a bouncing ball in the sky as your perspective cycled rapidly between right-side up and upside down, and your head was unquestionably spinning by the time he evened his flight path.
As he flew smoothly but with electrifying speed above the grounds, you relaxed your arms into a comfortable hold around his waist and rested your chin on his shoulder, letting the wind engulf you in the stormy scent of him. He navigated the castle’s turrets in precise figure-eights, made a brief game of taunting the Whomping Willow, and took a few turns around the Quidditch pitch before sailing low over the Black Lake.
Sirius slowed, and you watched as the reflected sky transformed the lake’s surface into a fluid canvas of stars. You were trying quite hard to put out of your mind that this was exactly what you’d imagined doing if the two of you had ever gone on a date when he brought the broom to a halt. He slung his leg over, sitting on the broomstick like a swing, feet dangling over the dark water, and you followed suit. You sat in silence for a moment, watching the occasional ripple send a shiver through the stars, but the silence was loaded and you needed to break it. Being uncomfortable around Sirius was unnatural. And it hurt.
“Know what I love about watching the water move in the lake? It could be the squid, or a grindylow, or even a merperson. But it could also just be a fish. A perfectly boring, non-magical fish. And if it’s just a fish, then I get to be just a girl for a moment. Nothing else.”
“Just a girl… levitating above a lake on a broom.”
You smirked at him, and he nudged you with his shoulder.
“Only winding you up. I know exactly what you mean. If I were just a boy, I’d only have to listen to Walburga’s gaping gob on holidays. She wouldn’t have the option to pop it in the post.”
He snorted humourlessly, and you found yourself modifying your instincts again. In some other time that seemed bizarrely much further away than just a month or so ago, you’d have taken his hand or put your arm around him. As it was, you leant against him lightly, hoping that was encouragement enough for him to go on. He sighed and slid a hand through his hair.
“She threatened me. Again. Which means she’s still invested enough in this parent thing to care what other people think of me. I’ll need to up my ‘blight upon the family legacy’ game. Suggestions?”
“Hmm. You could always join the VSO. Just become even more of a disgustingly worthwhile human being.”
He chuckled quietly, and you waited. Walburga threatening Sirius was old hat. There was something else bothering him.
“Seems as if darling Regulus has also taken to spying for them. I’m sure that’ll earn him a pat on the head and an extra chestnut at Crimbo.”
“What did he tell them?”
You felt him tense and glanced over.
“He’s somehow heard about… well, that there’s… a girl.”
His tone shifted to discomfort as he spoke, and you were having trouble deciding what to make of it. He certainly hadn’t been shy about his love life last night. One thing you did know, however, was that you weren’t prepared to let your lingering feelings for him drive a wedge between you. Even now, just sitting here beside him after a late-night joyride, you felt the full force of how much you’d missed him.
“Rotten little blighter. And why does he care all of a sudden? If you’re the sort to listen to rumours, you’ve gone out with everyone from Marlene to Madam Rosmerta.”
“I started that last one,” Sirius said conspiratorially, leaning forwards to watch your expression. It was something he’d done since first year. Always waiting eagerly to see if you smiled or laughed at his jokes, looking pleased with himself when you did. You didn’t disappoint him, and he kept his eyes fixed on yours as he continued.
“I’m really sorry about last night, Y/N.”
“So am I.”
“You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”
“I was shouting just as loudly as you. Though in fairness, you did win the blowing-things-up contest I wasn’t aware we were having.”
“You were only shouting because I was acting like a complete bellend. And being pissed is no excuse. None. I don’t know what… I just wasn’t…”
He looked out across the lake, blinking in frustration as he tried to find the words he wanted. You didn’t like that it was a struggle. He should be able to talk to you about anything, without a second thought. Including this girl.
“Sirius, I haven’t said that I’m happy for you, and I should’ve done from the very first. Because I am. I’m glad you’ve found someone special. I’m glad you’re having fun. Nobody deserves it more than you.”
“I can think of two people offhand: you and Moony. And I’m happy things went well last night. I swear I am.”
The silence was lighter this time, and after a few moments, Sirius produced his wand, waving it towards the latest ripple in the lake. A few golden sparks drifted over the surface, and as they descended, a small fish jumped out of the water, mistaking them for food. Sirius smiled at you.
“Just a fish,” you smiled back.
“Just a fish. But I’m sorry to have to inform you that you’ll never be just a girl. Not to me.”
In your head, you tumbled off your perch into the lake, where you would live out your days with the merpeople, far away from your feelings. In reality, you tightened your grip on the broomstick to prevent that from happening whilst forcing yourself to maintain eye contact. He was speaking to you as a friend. Just a friend.
“But since there’s something extraordinary about being ordinary around here, let’s make a pact: You can always be just a girl with me, and I can always be just a boy with you?”
You wanted to tell him how very much that simple offer meant to you, but you didn’t trust your voice. You nodded instead, then watched as his momentary calm gave way to something much more troubling. He looked defeated. It was a look you’d never seen on his face before, and it frightened you.
“Tell me,” you said quietly. There was no hesitation this time.
“It’s getting worse. It’s getting so much worse, and I don’t think it’s going to stop. Last summer, it was just locking me in my room for the day, sending me to bed without dinner because of the posters on my wall. I’d give her cheek, she’d do her screaming bit, I’d pop off to Prongs’s for a weekend. But this summer, she didn’t just lock me in my room. She’d put a body-bind on me first. One night, she had Kreacher cast Levicorpus on me, left me hanging in the corner until I was all but unconscious. And bog-standard screaming isn’t good enough anymore – she uses the fucking stinging jinx as exclamation marks.”
You’d gone entirely cold, but you didn’t interrupt. He needed someone to know. A part of you felt like you could literally dissolve into tears, but you didn’t do that either. You needed him to know that you could handle hearing this. Because you had a sinking feeling he was right – it wasn’t going to stop on its own. And if he went silent about it again, you wouldn’t know when it was time to take matters into your own hands and make it stop.
“It feels different in there,” he continued, his voice pensive now. “Tense, heavy, like the entire foul place is waiting for something. Before, they were perfectly chuffed to be shot of me; now, they don’t always let me leave. It’s like they’re trying to… break me. So the question is, why do they need me broken? And how far are they willing to go to–”
He gave you a pleading look.
“You know I’d never do anything to hurt you, right?” he asked suddenly. “Including letting anyone else hurt you.”
“Of course, love,” you said, your voice cracking slightly. You’d only thoughtyour head was spinning before. But of all the emotions assailing you right now, the one missing was surprise. If Peter’s parents were suspect, Sirius’s may as well be lunching with Voldemort at Rules.
“She said that if I took up with any girl they didn’t approve of… well, I didn’t let her finish saying what she’d do, but I can’t really think of a good end to that sentence. So you understand, yeah? You understand why I can’t–”
Why he couldn’t be more open about his relationship. You understood, and you felt more terrible than ever that you’d been avoiding him.
“I don’t care what happens to me. But if something were to happen to someone I care about because they finally realised that would hurt more than anything they could do to me…”
“Sirius, if anyone in your family ever tried to hurt someone you care about, it’d be naught to do with you. You being good is not what makes them bad. These people, these Death Eaters – they want to hurt all of us. Full stop. If we’re not with them, we’re against them, and they don’t need another reason. But don’t you ever forget that there are people who do care what happens to you. Please don’t go through this alone… that hurts me more than anything.”
You could see the moonlight shimmering silver in his eyes, and you knew one blink would send tears spilling down your cheeks as well. Bloody hell, weren’t the two of you smiling just five minutes ago?
“Sirius,” you said with as much solemnity as you could muster. “Let me hate your parents with you.”
He exhaled a relieved laugh as you held out your palm. You might be too namby-pamby to take his hand, but it was different if you left it up to him, right? He looked at your hand for a moment, then slid his beneath it, slowly curling his fingers and yours along with them until your closed hand was wrapped warmly in his.
“Nearly all my secrets,” he said softly. “Safe and sound.”
“Nearly all?” you managed. You felt like your insides had melted.
“Well,” he winked, giving your hand a squeeze before releasing you and swinging his leg back over the broomstick. “A bloke’s got to have a little mystery to him.”
You pulled your leg back over the broom, and when you wrapped your arms around him this time, there was no mistaking it for self-preservation. Pressing your cheek against his shoulder blade, you hugged him as tightly as you could, wishing you knew how to keep him safe. He relaxed against you, resting his left arm on yours as he guided the broom above the forest.
You could tell he was heading for the ruins and caught a faint whiff of wood smoke as he wove through the branches. Behind the crumbling stone structure, a small fire came into view, Remus, James and Peter gathered round it.
“Moony reckoned we all needed to let off a bit of steam,” Sirius said as he came in for a landing, helping you off the broom before propping it against some rubble. “And Prongs reckoned we needed to let it off without firewhisky,” he added, scowling at James as he freed his hair from his shirt.
“Yes, how terribly unreasonable of Prongs, considering we’ve established what a right ray of sunshine you are when you’re on the hard stuff,” James challenged, pointing at a rock onto which Sirius dropped sulkily.
“Knob.”
“Prick.”
“Langer.”
“Cockwomble.”
“Don’t you just love it when the family’s all together?” Remus asked cheerfully.
You grinned as you sat down beside him. He still looked peaky, of course – the usual aftereffects. He was paler than normal, which accentuated the dark circles under his eyes, and he moved slowly and a bit stiffly due to the lingering soreness. But he was in much better spirits than he’d ever been so soon after the moon.
As you studied him, he reached into his jacket and removed the Dairy Milk wrapper, placing it on your knee and watching as you opened it to the sound of James and Sirius’s continued sniping.
“Why, Remus… you’ve saved me exactly one square of chocolate.”
“Thelast square of chocolate! You know how big a sacrifice that is for me.”
“I do. I also know that you know that if I were to pick up that last square of chocolate and even pretend I intended to eat it, you’d start in with the puppy-dog eyes and I’d give it straight back to you.”
“Yes, but it’s the thought that counts,” he smiled, snapping up the chocolate. You gave him a quick peck on the cheek and counted his furious blushing as sufficient payback.
“Just have a fucking butterbeer and shut it!!” James bellowed at Sirius, flinging a bottle at him before turning and offering one to you like a suddenly well-mannered sommelier.
“And for the lady, a charming little vintage and our finest twig.”
You accepted the butterbeer and the stick he also extended.
“I know he’s being stroppy right now, but I’ll not have a hand in beating him.”
“Cheers!” Sirius nodded, raising his already-two-thirds-depleted butterbeer in your direction.
“Nah, we’ve got marshmallows. Loads of them!” Peter said, tossing you a packet. You skewered a few and handed it off to Remus, and the five of you settled into chit-chat as you toasted and ate your treats. You were trying your best to relax and enjoy the moment, but in the back of your mind, you were mulling.
Apart from the blushing, which was just involuntary Remus, there was no awkwardness between the two of you. Not even after last night. So… maybe it was a sign. Perhaps you’d been wrong and what you really needed was a nice, safe, predictable relationship. What was the harm in comfortable? Jumpers, blankets, books, tea… people liked this stuff for a reason, for Godric’s sake. Yes, you’d fancied Sirius, but he didn’t fancy you back, and that was that. The two of you were in a good place again and you were glad of it, but it was high time you gave your full attention to the boy who seemed to want it.
“Marshmallow for your thoughts?”
You plucked a browned marshmallow off Remus’s twig and chewed as the two of you watched James and Sirius attempting to talk Peter into eating a still-flaming one.
“Just tidying my head is all.”
“You and Padfoot alright?”
“We are. I should’ve just ignored him last night. I don’t know why I didn’t.”
“You’re allowed to have your fill every now and then. We can’t get overfond of him; it’ll just go to his head.”
You smiled. “This is lovely, by the way. Thanks for thinking of it.”
“It was actually something you said. Or wrote. That it would all run its course eventually. So it can just run its course now and have done with it instead. And I reckon the forest makes a pretty good course.”
You started to ask what he meant but were interrupted by a yelp of pain from Peter and a cheer from James and Sirius.
“Wormtail, you have got to learn to say no, mate,” Remus sighed, motioning to James, who stood and cleared his throat loudly.
“Firstly, I think a toast to Moony’s health is in order. Normally, he’d still be in hospital right now. Yet here he sits, his furry little problem reduced to a furry little inconvenience.”
“To Remus!” you all cheered, raising your drinks.
He raised his in return, looking around at the four of you.
“And to the best mates a lad could ask for. Never dreamt I’d have friends at all, much less friends who’d be willing to do what you lot have done for me. Thank you.”
That hung in the air for a moment before a loud crash somewhere in the forest sent a startled flock of crows into the night sky.
“Alright, I’ve no interest in being emotional while I’m eaten by an acromantula,” James resumed quickly. “Down to the point, fifth year’s been a bit of a roller coaster up to now, but there’s nothing we can’t handle so long as we stick together. Things are changing, yeah, but we’re an adaptable bunch of miscreants. And on that subject, Y/N, three-quarters of us haven’t yet had the pleasure.”
“Of?” you asked, and you must’ve looked as shocked as you felt because Remus choked on his butterbeer.
“No, no, he doesn’t mean 'of going out with you’. I suggested we come out here tonight to have a good run through the forest. And Sirius is the only one who’s seen your animagus form.”
“Right, so go on then!” James urged excitedly.
“Well I’m not shifting with you wallies just stood here staring at me!”
“We’ll turn round,” Remus said, standing and moving between you and the others. “Turn,” he ordered, and they begrudgingly complied. You took a deep breath and focused, feeling yourself sinking into your form.
You opened your eyes to find yourself staring at Remus’s legs. Extending your long neck, you nipped at the hem of his trousers and he spun, his face positively lighting up at the sight of you. If you weren’t currently a swan, you’d have been grinning from ear to ear; he looked like a child who’d just received his first puppy. As it was, you honked softly as he ran his hand over the feathers on your neck, which prompted the others to turn.
“Blimey, that’s brilliant,” James exhaled as he and Peter also reached out to stroke your feathers. You suddenly felt a bit shy. You didn’t blame them for being interested, of course – you’d been fascinated the first time you saw them shift as well. But unlike them, you weren’t quite accustomed yet to being an animal. Especially not around people.
Sirius had stayed back, watching you, but he stepped forward now.
“Alright, hands off, you all bloody well know she belongs to the Queen,” he said, shooing the lads. You honked a laugh and he shot you a wink that seemed to say he’d somehow sensed your discomfort.
“Off we go?” He tossed a marshmallow into the air, then shifted in time to catch it in his mouth.
“Show-off,” James grumbled as his and Peter’s bodies melted away in opposite directions.
“Looks positively delightful when you lot do it,” Remus grinned. Sirius whined and propped his chin on Remus’s leg. “I wasn’t feeling sorry for myself,” Remus said, ruffling the fur on Padfoot’s head. “Well, except that I wish I could go with, but I’m in no shape to run.”
James snorted and began gesturing backwards with his antlers.
“I’ll be fine here,” Remus insisted.
James raised a back hoof and began hopping about on the other three as he scratched at his side.
“What is it, Prancer? Got ticks, have you?”
As a series of honks, barks and squeaks replaced laughter, James suddenly appeared in the stag’s place. The whole animagus thing really was utterly bizarre.
“Climb on, you berk, I was clearly telling you to climb on my back!”
“Well, forgive me if I’m a bit rusty on my Deer Charades, seeing as it’s been approximately never since I’ve played. And you don’t have to do that, Prongs. I’ll only slow you down.”
“Give me some credit, son, I’m a bloody majestic king of the forest.”
It actually worked like a charm. James was the size of an enormous horse in stag form, and Remus was easily able to hold onto his antlers as the five of you sped through the forest.
You felt freer than you had in ages. You alternated between flying high above the trees – slowly beginning to feel as if you belonged halfway between the sky and the earth as you continued to adjust to your form – and low amidst the others, delighting in simply being young, wild and dissident with your mates. It was at times like this that you always felt you and the Marauders were getting far more out of your time at Hogwarts than the students sleeping safely in the castle.
You eventually made your way back to the ruins, exhausted but decidedly tension-free. The fire was nearly out, and James doused it for good with what was left of the last butterbeer.
“Wait for me by the greenhouses,” Sirius instructed the lads as he hopped back onto his broom, hovering low as he waited for you to say your goodbyes and join him.
“Straight home, madam?” he asked once you were in the air.
“Eh, once around the pitch first, Jeeves.”
He grinned back at you and took off at a lazy pace that made you feel as if you were being rocked to sleep. There were a million things you could have been thinking about at that moment, but in your ultra-relaxed state, one thought in particular popped into your head and subsequently out of your mouth.
“How did you know I was uncomfortable? When they were gathered round me after I shifted?”
“We tend to be on the same wavelength about most things,” he said without hesitation, circling the Slytherin stands. Without exchanging so much as a glance, the two of you drew your wands and fired off spells, yours at the flag on top and his at a green-and-silver banner hanging from the front. You laughed as the flag transformed into a fabric snake, flapping about limply with large Xs where its eyes should be, and the banner suddenly read, “Ssstay ssslimy, Sssnivellus”.
“Case in point!” he gestured. “Anyway, my animagus form’s a bit more socially acceptable than the others. Prongs strays too far in that posh neighbourhood of his and he’s liable to get shot at by some Lord or another’s hunting party. And Wormtail couldn’t exactly go strolling about either without people and cats trying to put an end to him. But man’s best friend is free to jog about where he pleases, so I’ve done a lot of it in Islington. It’s a good way to stay out of the house. And while you get used to it eventually, in the beginning I felt like a fucking idiot every time I got patted on the head and told I was a good boy.”
You buried your face in his shoulder, shaking with laughter at the mental image, and he joined you.
“Now I think on it, I should’ve been flattered. I don’t get that kind of affirmation at home.”
You laughed harder as he rounded the final set of stands and headed back towards the castle.
“You’ll have to come round during holidays, we’ll do a turn around the borough,” he said as he pulled even with your open window. “Black dog and black swan, out on the town.”
“And we won’t lack for snacks, seeing as people will be tossing bread at me whilst they’re patting you,” you added, prompting another fit of laughter.
“What in God’s name are the two of you doing out there?!” Lily’s “past the point of fed up” voice demanded.
“Ah, Gryffindor’s resident killjoy awaits,” Sirius said in his “purposefully too loud” voice, digging about in his robes. “Don’t reckon I envy you going back in there.”
“It was worth it,” you said, leaning forwards to give him a peck on the back of his jaw. You decided to tell yourself you’d imagined it when you felt a shiver go through his body.
He cleared his throat as he turned to hand you another Whizzbee, then held onto your wrist again as you manoeuvred yourself onto the sill. As you dropped the Whizzbee, he pressed a quick peck of his own to your hand.
“Don’t get too close to the edge!” he called as he turned the broom towards the greenhouses.
“Bit late for that,” you sighed as you watched him disappear into the darkness.
I had intended to keep banging away at this part, but then I checked the word count and oh my giddy aunt… somewhere in the neighbourhood of 9,000?! lol So I found us a pausing point.
My loves, thank you so much for your reading, your sweet comments, and your general brilliance as human beings. Let me know what you think and whose team you’re on! lol
You tilted your head towards the space between your curtains and the bedpost closest to the window, taking in a slow, deep breath of cleansing air. Lily had opened the window before she, Marlene and Emmeline left the room, knowing the rain would soothe you.
They hadn’t tried to speak to you, and you were grateful for that. You weren’t in the mood to chatter cheerfully about your date with Remus, and it wouldn’t have been fair to do anything less. You really did have a nice time. You also weren’t in the mood to explain the shouting match with Sirius. And you already knew what Lily would say: Sirius’s behaviour wouldn’t have wounded you so deeply if you didn’t still have feelings for him.
The low rumble of rolling thunder gave you something else to focus on, and you closed your eyes, shivering a bit and pulling your blanket over your bare legs as a particularly cool blast of air wafted through. You’d kicked your jeans off hours ago but hadn’t bothered getting all the way into bed.
The door to the dorm opened and closed. Someone must have forgotten something. You waited quietly for the sound of them letting themselves back out, but after a few minutes of silence, you wondered if you were just hearing things. Though it didn’t feel like you were alone in the room…
“Hello?”
“Does Evans really sleep with this old stuffed bunny? Because that’s almost impossibly cute.”
“James! What the hell are you doing in here?”
“Came to talk to you, of course. Dear Godric… did you know every quill in this drawer is placed at the exact same angle? Probably had a protractor out and all just to make sure–”
“I’m sorry, did you say you came to talk to me or to completely invade Lily’s privacy?”
You heard Lily’s drawer close.
“You can’t blame a bloke for having a peek, can you? Now. Are you coming out or am I coming in?”
“You’re coming in. If the girls find you in here, they’ll go absolutely spare. Toss me my pyjama bottoms first, will you? They’re on the chair.”
You shook your head and smiled as your pyjamas came marching through the gap in your curtains, turning and standing at attention in front of you. You were glad James was here.
After slipping them on, you lifted the curtain and he dove onto your bed.
“Bloody hell, remember when all five of us could fit on here?” he asked as the two of you settled back against your pillows, James’s feet touching the end of the bed. When Sirius had first sussed out the girls’ stairs, the lads got a kick out of sleeping in your room from time to time, just because they could. You’d gotten quite adept quite quickly at silencing charms in your panic to ensure the girls wouldn’t hear the five of you giggling and playing Exploding Snap until dozing off in a huddle.
You nodded. “Wish I could go back to that place.”
James kissed your temple. “I know, love. So do I sometimes. We woke, we ate, we pranked, we ate and pranked some more, and in between, you and Moony did our homework.”
You snorted but felt a real pang at the thought of simpler times, the laughter of five happy kids playing hide-and-seek in the greenhouses long after they should’ve been in bed echoing through your memory. It’s not that you were against change. You just wished it would slow down a little and uncomplicate itself a lot.
“But here we all are, older, wiser, insanely more attractive,” James continued, “and I can’t beat around the belladonna with you anymore, darling: Are you in love with Sirius?”
You felt like you should’ve been taken aback by the directness of his question, but suddenly, you just didn’t see the point in being shocked or embarrassed or nervous anymore. Perhaps you’d grown up a bit further still in the last few seconds, head on your brother’s shoulder as you both listened to the rain. If you had to grow up, there were worse ways to do it.
“I was. I’m trying not to be now, considering he’s made it clear he’s not interested.”
“Has he, though?”
“I can only believe what he tells me, James. If I tried to guess what else was going on in his head, I’d go mad. I can’t read him like you can.”
James smiled. “You sell yourself short. But you’re right about one thing: We can’t have you going mad along with him. One stark-raving lunatic is quite enough. So what can I do to make this easier on you?”
A few moments of silence hung in the air before you interrupted with a quiet sigh, rolling onto your side and hugging James’s arm.
“Does she make him happy? This girl?”
“I really couldn’t say. He’s been out with her several times now, but he still won’t talk about her.”
“I feel like I’ve failed him. I saw how miserable he looked at King’s Cross, and I swore I was going to be there for him. Instead, I feel like I’m making things worse somehow. So I hope that, whoever she is, she’s doing what I can’t anymore.”
“Don’t say that. You know how much you mean to Sirius, Y/N. The worse things get for him at home, the harder he fights us, but that’s just Sirius and his pride. We’re always going to need each other. If in the distant future Evans ever figures out I’m a lot fucking cuddlier than that old rabbit over there, she’s just going to have to understand that there will be times I’ll want to go find my sister and climb into bed for a chat. And your future husband will have to understand too because I’ll need him to bunch over.”
You laughed at the mental image, knowing James wasn’t even partially joking.
“The point is, don’t give up on Sirius just because he’s being a temperamental git right now. No one, most especially not some girl he just met, knows him like us. When the time comes that he admits he needs help out of the pit, we’ll be the line and you’ll be the light. Just like always.”
James’s words actually made you feel a bit better. Made it feel less like you were losing Sirius.
“As for Moony…”
You released James’s arm and fell onto your back, hands over your face.
“Oh, no. I’ve been in here moping half the day, what if he thinks I was avoiding him?”
“Weren’t you?” James laughed.
“No! But sort of… I was avoiding my feelings, yeah, but not him.”
“Personally, I can’t blame you – I’d avoid any bugger who alluded to a good snogging and then reneged,” James said, yelping as you pinched his side.
“Have you answered that question you had last night yet?” he asked, clamping his hand over yours to prevent further injury.
“I’ve been thinking about it all day, and–”
“And there’s your problem. You and Remus are thinkers. Overthinkers, if you ask me. Stop thinking for once in your life and just let your feelings take over. See what feels natural in the moment. And then bloody well do that.”
“Bless your straightforward soul, James Potter,” you breathed. You suddenly had an idea that would keep Remus from taking your Sunday in bed as a sign that you hadn’t enjoyed your Saturday.
“Somebodyhas to stay drama-free around here,” James said dramatically.
“Yes, well done you, now get up and let’s get out of here before Lily sees you.”
“Evans knows I’m in here,” James said with a grin as he rolled off your bed. “I told her I wanted to talk to you first.”
You raised a brow at him. “Lily Evans found out that you know how to take the enchantment off the girls’ stairs and you lived to tell about it?”
“I did indeed,” he answered proudly. “I mean, I ran up the stairs first before she could get her wand out. But then I confidently turned round and without a hint of fear told her that it was all Padfoot’s fault.”
“Well, hopefully he steers clear of her for the rest of the day then,” you said, removing a Dairy Milk bar from your trunk – the last of your stash of muggle chocolate from the summer – and heading for the door.
“I’m sure he will. Especially after they’ve had their talk. Also my idea.”
That stopped you in your tracks.
“You sent Lily to talk to Sirius? James, she despises him. Have you heard the things she calls him? She’ll have him for lunch.”
“With a side of chips, I hope. And if we’re lucky, he’ll be better for it on the other side.”
Lily paused at the door to the Marauders’ room, gulping down a few deep breaths. She’d lied to Potter. She wasfrightened.
The Sirius Black she’d encountered when she first arrived at Hogwarts was nothing but a conceited brat. The perfect partner in crime for Potter. They constantly disrupted classes, cost Gryffindor points, and when they also decided to make Severus a primary target of some of their meaner-spirited pranks, she’d written them off completely. She had no use for bullies.
But over the years, she’d made enough peace with them to be on semi-civil speaking terms when she had to be – more for your benefit than hers or theirs. She’d reasoned that if you (a genuinely good person, despite your own disrespect for the rules) saw something redeeming in them, she would be a good friend and look the other way when the five of you got up to your nonsense. She’d made clear to you, though, that she reserved the right to treat Potter however she saw fit when he began putting on that he fancied her. She knew the arse was mocking her. She just couldn’t work out why he hadn’t tired of it yet.
Lily had also given Potter, Black and Pettigrew credit where credit was due when she’d worked out that Remus was a werewolf in fourth year. They’d not only kept their friend’s secret, they’d taken pains to try to make things easier for him – pains even greater than she’d originally thought, now she knew about the animagi endeavour.
But whereas Potter and Black were still the obnoxious berks they’d always been, Black had grown to be dangerous as well, as she’d tried to tell you on multiple occasions. He was reckless and quick-tempered – a terrible combination – and when he flew off the handle, as he seemed to do more and more these days, the repercussions were increasingly dire.
She’d learned things about his family, both from you and her own research into wizarding world history, and while she gathered (especially from his sorting into Gryffindor) that he made an effort to be the exception to every House of Black rule, his behaviour often made her wonder whether or not he could escape the history of insanity, even if he wanted to.
She glanced longingly at the door to the stairs, wishing she could back out, but there was no way she was giving Potter the satisfaction. With one final deep breath, she quietly turned the doorknob.
The room was darker than Lily expected, what with the storm clouds and the fact that neither the stove nor any of the lamps were lit. She closed the door and leaned against it, waiting for her eyes to adjust.
Wrinkling her nose at the smell of boy, she watched as the beds to her left and right slowly sharpened into focus. The latter was in complete disarray. There were more blankets, sheets and pillows on the floor than on the bed. Books, parchments and sweet wrappers were scattered across every surface, and a Gryffindor robe hung half in, half out of its owner’s trunk. She peered at a photograph on the table. An incredibly unpleasant-looking man and woman stood on either side of a young boy, who started to smile for the picture before a look of fear melted over his face instead as the man dug his fingers into the boy’s shoulder. Lily of course recognised Pettigrew but recognised his parents as well – she’d seen them in the Prophet over the summer, photographed leaving the Ministry after questioning for suspected Death Eater activity. She shuddered and turned her attention to the space on her left.
Neat as a pin, and Lily smiled softly. Remus. He was the only Marauder she counted as a friend, and she’d been devastated when she discovered his condition. For someone so gentle and calm to have to suffer such brutality and chaos month after month simply wasn’t fair. Everything was in its place on and around Remus’s bed, and she moved a bit closer to get a look at the photos atop his chest of drawers. In one, a very small Remus ran cheerfully along the bank of a river, a smiling man and woman following behind him, hand in hand. In another, the same woman sat on the bonnet of a car, a stylish scarf around her head and her pretty face frozen mid-laugh. A muggle photo. Lily felt a wave of sympathy for the woman, imagining what it must have been like to discover the wonders of the wizarding world, only to have her son permanently scarred by it.
Lily moved further into the room, convinced now that it was empty. Both Black’s and Potter’s beds were a rumpled mess, which wasn’t a surprise. She was surprised, however, to see a book on Black’s bedside table; she hadn’t figured him for a casual reader. Or a reader at all, frankly… he seemed to do nothing in the way of revising or even paying attention during lessons but still had high marks in all their classes. Yet another thing about him that annoyed her. She also noticed that he was the only Marauder without personal photos on display. Instead, what looked like two pages torn from a magazine and enlarged were tacked to the wall beside his bed, one featuring a silver-and-black motorbike, the other a grey sports car, its chrome gleaming.
She’d known Potter’s domain as soon as she saw it, tipped off by the Quidditch paraphernalia literally coating the wall. Gryffindor banners and jerseys mingled with Puddlemere United posters and programmes. Mixed in were bits of parchment on which he’d scrawled out strategies, jotted down notes, and formulated training regimens. Not fully conscious of the fact she was doing it, Lily sat down on the edge of the boy’s bed to get a better look. Quidditch was ridiculous, of course… senseless violence masquerading as sport. But she had to concede – grudgingly – that his apparent work ethic was impressive. She just wished he’d apply it to something constructive.
Lily picked up the framed photo on Potter’s table. A what looked to be 6- or 7-year-old James pulled a face at her before adopting the mischievous grin with which she was familiar. Behind him, his parents – quite a bit older than hers – shook their heads fondly at his antics before giving one another a loving glance and smiling for the photographer. They looked to be thoroughly pleasant people, warmth in their eyes and smiles, and Lily herself smiled absently at the sight of the clearly happy family. Potter was so cocky; she’d always just assumed he inherited his arrogance. Perhaps he was just a bit overindulged by two people who’d waited longer than most for a child. And perhaps the rest was false bravado.
She placed the photo back on the table and had the sudden urge to see what was in the drawer. No one could blame a girl for having a peek, right?
“Is it common practice for prefects to snoop through everyone’s belongings when they’re not around? Because I’ll want to hide a few things better in future…”
Lily slammed Potter’s drawer shut and leapt to her feet, clamping a hand over her mouth to muffle a small scream. Black’s head now rose slightly above the pile of blankets and pillows that had previously concealed it.
“You scared the life out of me, you arsehole.”
“Not to split hairs here, Evans, but I’m not the one breaking and entering.”
“That’s not what I’m doing. Nor am I snooping through everyone’s belongings.”
“So just snooping through James’s specifically then. Noted.”
Lily clenched her fists, debating whether or not to just leave. How in the hell was she supposed to have a meaningful conversation with this antagonistic prat? Then she thought about you. If there was a chance this could help, she had to try.
“I’m actually here to speak with you,” she said, edging closer to Black’s bed and attempting to adopt a polite tone. It came out rather stiff instead, but it was going to be the best she could do. “I was hoping we could discuss a few things.”
Black’s head dropped back onto his bed and out of sight.
“Not up for it, sorry.”
“Ireally need to have a word with you about–”
“Look, Evans, I had a rough night. So whatever school rules or Gryffindor codes of conduct or girls you’ve heard I violated, could you just make a list, send me an owl, and I’ll atone for it later?”
Lily jumped as a loud tapping sounded at the window near Black’s bed.
“That was quick,” he mused.
The tapping increased in volume and insistence until it seemed as if a full-grown man were outside beating on the window.
“MyGod, are you sure that’s an owl?” Lily asked nervously.
“That’ll be Nobilis,” Black said. His voice was hollow and weary. “He’ll break it eventually, you might want to step back.”
Lily made the snap decision that she didn’t really want to see that happen, steeling herself as she stepped towards the window.
“The bird bites,” Black warned.
Lily lifted the latch and pushed the window open before scurrying out of pecking range. The largest eagle-owl she’d ever seen proceeded to step onto the sill like a king onto his dais. Shaking the rain from his feathers indignantly, Nobilis ascended to the top of Black’s table with one flap of his wings before dropping a red envelope onto its surface with an air of disdain. He dropped back onto the sill, fixing his piercing eyes on Lily, who previously would not have thought it possible to feel judged by an owl. She took another tentative step backwards.
“Piss off, you buzzard,” Black muttered, and a jet of sparks shot from his bed, connecting with Nobilis’s tail. The owl let out a furious screech but mercifully ducked out the window, and Lily rushed to latch it before Nobilis could change his mind. She turned slowly, eyeing the Howler on the table.
“Last chance to leave.”
“I really do need to speak with you,” Lily said, her voice barely above a whisper. A chill was creeping up her spine the longer she looked at the Howler. It was as if the thing were somehow radiating menace, but she was determined to accomplish what she came here for.
“Suit yourself.”
Black slowly pushed himself into a sitting position, back against the wall behind his bed. He was shirtless, and Lily quickly directed her attention to her shoes. She glanced back up, however, when he raised his arm and watched as he flicked a finger at the Howler, which sailed into the air above the stove in the centre of the room. With a wave of his hand, Black broke the seal on the envelope, and Lily stumbled backwards into his chest of drawers as a shrill voice rose from the Howler’s mouth. It was possibly the most hateful sound she’d ever heard.
“For the second time this term, I have been forced to lay hands on a letter from that half-blood, muggle-loving filth Minerva McGonagall,” the woman’s voice spat. “I would have assumed that I made plain over the summer that you are not to give Albus Dumbledore’s menagerie of dross reason to address me as if you are any sort of reflection upon my ability to rear children. I recommend you adjust your behaviour accordingly. If I have to speak again on this matter, you will regret that you did not listen the first time.”
Lily was stunned by the level of contempt in the woman’s voice. This was someone’s mother? She looked over at Black. His face was entirely expressionless as he watched the Howler.
“You should also know that your father and I have been made aware that you have taken up with a girl. Hear me, Sirius: It may not have been within our power to reverse the shame of your placement outside Slytherin House, but if we discover this girl to be of questionable stock, or worse, a mudbl–”
Black’s arm flew up so fast it was nothing but a blur in Lily’s peripheral vision. He had his wand in hand this time and thrust it forward violently; it looked as if he were trying to run the Howler through with a broadsword. Instead, the Howler exploded, sending hundreds of tiny bits of charred parchment and envelope fluttering through the air. With another halfhearted wave of his wand, the pieces were swept into a vortex before swirling through the open door of the stove. It slammed shut behind them, and suddenly, the room was silent except for the pleasant crackling of a fire that completely belied the horrible thing that kindled it.
“Well,” Black said flatly. “Isn’t this cosy.”
Lily hadn’t noticed until then that her hands were covering her mouth. As she lowered them, she realised they were shaking. Aside from being in shock, she felt extremely uncomfortable. What little she knew of Black she didn’t like, but now here she was, standing feet from the boy’s bed after having witnessed a very personal – not to mention terrifying – moment. Lily wasn’t accustomed to not knowing what to do, but even though it felt as if she had a brick lodged in her throat, she forced herself to say something.
“Black, I’m… I’m so sor–”
“Don’t be.”
His tone was clipped, and Lily wished she could just disappear from the room.
“I… erm… I apologise for… everything, for being here, for disturbing you, but if I could just talk to you for a moment, I promise I’ll make it fast and be on my way.”
Black scooted himself from the shadows into the light now afforded by the stove, and Lily did an abrupt half-spin, her cheeks reddening. She’d forgotten about the shirtless bit.
“I understand I’m the one intruding , but could you possibly put on a shirt?”
“Sure, but just so you know, there’s nothing on the other half either,” he said, grabbing his blankets as if to move them aside.
“Black, don’t you dare!” Lily shrieked, and the boy smirked.
“I’m joking, Evans, but I am down to my smalls. So in the interest of sparing you that trauma, you can toss me a shirt. They’re in the second drawer.”
Lily plucked a T-shirt out of the drawer and flung it his way.
“Bad Company. Nice choice. While you’re up, get me a quill and some parchment out of my trunk?”
She let out an annoyed huff as her usual irritation with him began overriding sympathy. Lily opened the trunk as Black shoved his arms through the sleeves of the shirt. She started to grab some parchment that was wedged into a flap on the inside of the lid but decided it was too thick a piece, all folded up like a map. As she pushed it back in place, a photo that must have been stuck to the lid behind it dropped onto the pile of stuff in the trunk. She picked it up to replace it, then froze. It was a photo of you.
You were standing in the Great Hall, wearing the clothes you’d had on yesterday for your date with Remus. Black must have taken it before you all gathered for the group shot. You gave him a bemused look once you noticed he’d taken the photo, but before that, it seemed like you’d already been watching him. And if Lily had to label your expression, “longing” would do it.
She quickly slid the photo back behind the large piece of parchment and snatched up a smaller sheet and a quill, closing the trunk and dropping the items onto the foot of Black’s bed. He paused with the shirt hanging from his shoulders and leaned forward, quickly scrawling something onto the parchment.
“In exchange for my silence regarding your keen interest in James’s personal space, kindly give him this when you leave and ask him to post it to my Uncle Alphard.”
“Blackmail? Really?”
“That’d be a pretty good pun if I thought you had a sense of humour.”
Lily rolled her eyes but bit her tongue as she yanked the parchment out of his hand. He began pulling his shirt over his head, and she decided the fact that he was being a complete wanker entitled her to read the note. Besides, he could’ve folded it if he really wanted to keep it private.
Is there any chance at all that Dad’s impotent and Reg and I are adopted?
She snorted in spite of herself, and Black winked at her as he pulled his hair through his shirt collar.
“A man can hope, Evans. So. Now that we’re all fit for company, what is it you need to discuss?”
Lily opened her mouth, then closed it as her mind went blank. It felt like hours ago that she’d walked through the door intending to give Black a good, stern talking to. But after hearing his mother in action, “stern” sounded like a day at the beach. An unhappy home life was still no excuse for him to mistreat you, but it dawned on her that while she’d definitely heard the two of you shouting at each other last night, she had no idea what had been shouted. Would you even want her chastising him on your behalf? Before she could work out how to begin, Black spoke.
“Guess who I always go to after I’ve gotten one of those things?” he asked, staring into the flames flickering in the stove. “Her.”
With that one word, the smugness and defiance were gone from his face. He looked like a lost child.
“I know you’re here about what happened last night. I’ve no excuses; I acted like a fucking idiot. But I’m a big boy, and I’ll make my own apologies later. If she’ll see me.”
He glanced up at Lily, his eyes turning that last into a question. He really did have lovely eyes.
“I’m sure she’ll see you,” she said quietly. She knew now what she needed to say to the boy. Because considering where things seemed to be heading with Severus, she needed to hear it herself.
“Sometimes friends are just passing through. We change, they change, circumstances change… whatever it is, we wake up one day and can’t find a reason to hold on anymore. And when that happens, the best thing we can do is just let go.”
Black’s eyes dropped, and Lily quickly continued.
“But sometimes we’re lucky enough to meet people we can feel in our bones are going to be with us forever. No matter what. They love us for who we are, and even when – maybe especially when – we feel like we don’t deserve it, they just love us more. The five of you have that. I’ve always sort of envied it, if I’m honest.”
He looked slightly hopeful but nowhere near heartened.
“Well, I can’t speak for the others, but friends mean very nearly everything when you’ve never had any. So I hope you’re right, Evans. Not that I deserve any more second chances.”
Lily’s chest tightened at that. It felt surreal hearing Black say something so personal; it felt even more surreal knowing that he was being sincere. There was always such a disingenuous air about him, like he was forever putting on a play. She couldn’t shake the sense that she’d dealt with two different people today: the Black she was accustomed to, always having a laugh at everyone else’s expense, and then this one, clinging to the family he’d chosen as he suffered at the hands of the one into which he was born.
“Of course you do,” she said, thinking that she might just give Sev another second chance as well. “Everyone does.”
“Everyoneworthsomething.”
“Now, you listen to me,” Lily said matter-of-factly. She’d finally found something to lecture him about. “You and I may have our differences, but you are not worthless. You’re worth quite a lot, in fact, to Y/N and you’d do well to think about that the next time you feel the urge to wake up the whole castle with your temper tantrums. God only knows what all the girls would do with themselves if you weren’t around to wink your stupid pretty eyes at them, you’ve helped Gryffindor win the Quidditch Cup for the past three years straight, and you have great taste in music. I’ll have you know that I am quite fond of Bad Company. You’ve gone above and beyond for Remus, you help Pettigrew in Potions – and if you didn’t, we’d probably all have been blown sky high by now – you’re nice to the firsties when you think no one’s looking, and from what I saw today, your skill levels are off the charts. You’re not even 16 and already using wandless magic. Howlers are supposed to be impossible to destroy before they’ve finished the job, but tell that to the one in the stove. You’re some sort of flipping magical prodigy, and believe me when I say that I find that infuriating, but there it is. So just… deal with all of that!”
The last bit came out as an agitated squeal, Lily having worked herself into a right state by that point. Breathing heavily, arms rigid at her sides, she silently dared Black to keep being morose. The chances of it seemed slim, considering the way he was gaping at her. After a few moments, he slowly closed his mouth, swallowing gingerly and blinking as if trying to convince himself he wasn’t hallucinating.
“I, erm…” he started finally. “I doubt you have to worry about me threatening your status as Star of the Slug Club.”
Lily sighed. Of course he wouldn’t know how to take a compliment.
“Speaking of, he asked me to try to get you to join again,” she said.
“I’d rather milk a murtlap.”
Lily couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled out of her throat, and she was stunned to see Black smile. Genuinely smile. This was truly one of the oddest days of her life thus far, and as a muggleborn witch, that was saying something.
“I’ll just… get out of your way now. I’ve taken up enough of your Sunday,” she said, moving for the door.
“Evans?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome, Black.”
“Oh, and Evans?”
“Yes?”
“I have honestly never heard anyone say they were ‘quite fond’ of Bad Company. Quite fond of… I dunno, Steely Dan, maybe, but Bad Company…”
“Shut it, Black,” Lily called, slamming the door behind her.
You and James had just stepped off the stairs into the common room when you heard a door close to your right. Turning, you saw Lily. She looked a bit shell-shocked and was holding a piece of parchment.
“You prepared a speech?” James asked.
“I wish,” Lily exhaled. Descending the stairs, she handed the parchment to James.
“He wants you to post this to… damn. Alfred?”
“Ah, yes. At the Batcave,” James quipped. Lily shot him a look that made clear to you she’d had enough Marauder humour for one day, and you lightly elbowed James.
“Alphard. His mother’s brother. Shockingly sane,” you explained as you joined James in reading the note.
“Shit, did something happen while you were in there?” James asked, looking at Lily with real concern.
She nodded. “He got a Howler…”
“Walburga?” You instinctively reached out and took Lily’s hand. Merlin knows what she’d heard.
“Walburga?” Lily grimaced. “Lovely name for a lovely woman.”
She squeezed your hand. “Anyway… he seems really sorry.”
“It’s fine, Lily. Already forgotten.” You tried your best to sound nonchalant. You were going to have to perfect that if you wanted to get over Sirius. Judging from Lily’s face, you needed more practise, but she let you off the hook.
“I have a Charms essay that needs doing before dinner,” she said, giving you a quick hug and heading for the stairs.
“Hey, where’s mine?” James called after her.
“You can hug Y/N all you like. She seems to be immune to tossers.”
“Don’t you at least want me to escort you to your room?”
“Potter, she’s out of bed and speaking, so I appreciate whatever you did, but if I see you, Black, Lupin or Pettigrew set so much as a toe on these stairs again, you may as well say goodbye to that toe.”
Lily shut the door with emphasis, and James turned to you with a grin.
“She appreciates whatever I did.”
His smile faltered, however, as he folded Sirius’s note.
“He’s usually looking for you after one of those…”
You knew James was hoping you’d go up to the boys’ room, but you just couldn’t. Sirius had a girlfriend now. Granted, none of you even knew what House she was in, but considering he was spending all his free time with her, she should be the one to comfort him. You were never going to give up on Sirius as a friend, but for the sake of your own emotional well-being, you were going to have to stop thinking of yourself as the most important girl in his life.
“James, I promise I’ll talk to him later if he still wants to. But for now, let me post the note and I’ll see you lot at dinner, yeah?”
You took the parchment without looking at James so you wouldn’t see the disappointment on his face.
Fresh air was exactly what you needed right now, and you were grateful the wet weather had the opposite effect on everyone else. You didn’t encounter anyone as you took your time climbing up to the owlery to hand the note off to Sirius’s black owl, Ozzy. You stood at the top of the stairs, letting the earthy breeze ruffle your hair and watching the bird until he disappeared into the grey mist of low-hanging clouds.
Making your way back to Gryffindor Tower, you stopped at an alcove near the common room entrance, tapping a small stone on the inner edge with your wand. Remus had been so nervous he rarely even spoke during your early days at Hogwarts. Not knowing the real reason, you’d just assumed him to be painfully shy, so you devised a method of communication that spared him being put on the spot. You found a few hiding spots around the castle, and from then on, the two of you would use them as a means of exchanging notes and treats. Remus’s personality finally had a chance to shine through in writing, and you’d been best friends ever since. You’d never stopped utilising the hiding spots, though. Remus was every bit as nostalgic as you were.
The loose stone floated out of place, revealing a space behind it. To your surprise, it wasn’t empty. You removed a folded slip of parchment and a small packet of custard creams. Smiling, you opened the biscuits and popped one into your mouth as you unfolded the parchment.
How very kind of you to be about to say, Y/N – I had a lovely time as well! And thank you in advance for the chocolate!
P.S. – You don’t need to apologise for having a lie-in. I (and the rest of Scotland) heard. You know I’m here for you if you want to talk about it.
He was entirely too clever for his own good. A familiar surge of affection for the boy washed through you, warming you in spite of the drafty corridor and your wet clothes. Tucking his note and the remaining biscuits into your robe, you removed the spare bit of parchment you’d brought and the chocolate bar.
Well, I guess we know who’ll be getting an O on his Divination O.W.L.! Enjoy my last Dairy Milk, you cheeky bugger.
P.S. – We don’t have to talk about it. Everything will run its course eventually.
Placing the items into the empty space, you tapped the hovering stone, which replaced itself as you continued along the corridor.
“Ah,there is a smile more befitting a young lady,” the Fat Lady chirped. You hadn’t realised you were still smiling.
“Yes, well, your approval means everything to me. Ulotrichous.”
“Allow me also to commend you on your choice,” she said, ignoring the password.
“Of?”
“The Lupin boy, of course. Such a respectful lad. He’ll make a much finer husband.”
“Husband?! Bloody hell, I’ve been on one date with him–”
“Mydear, but you’re nearly 16! In one or two years, you’ll be past your prime, and then–”
“Would you please visit a painting near a calendar and check the century? Ulotrichous.”
“–what will you do?” the Fat Lady continued, unfazed. “I understand the surface appeal of the young Black heir, after all, financial security is a must, well of course it is, and pedigree of decided import, but the Black family tree is a bit lacking in distinct branches, not to be indelicate but there it is, and I’ve found the portrait of Phineas Nigellus Black to be abominably rude besides, and the Lupin boy is quite intelligent, isn’t he, I’m sure he’ll have many fine prospects post-Hogwarts…”
Gideon and Fabian Prewett came jogging up the stairs, freezing mid-step as they took in the scene of you lying flat on your back in front of the portrait, lightly bouncing your head off the stone floor and repeating the password like a mantra as the Fat Lady incessantly blathered over you.
Grinning, the twins took an arm each, pulling you upright.
“Can’t catch a break today, can you, love?” Fabian asked as Gideon snapped loudly at the Fat Lady.
“Oi!! You heard the girl, you great gasbag! Ulotrichous!”
“Well, I never!” she sputtered, swinging aside.
Gideon bowed, his arms swung towards the portrait hole, ushering you in.
“My heroes,” you breathed, crawling through. Fabian was right: This truly was the day from hell.
“Always at your service,” he said, hopping into the common room behind you.
“Speaking of,” Gideon chimed in, “if you’d like us to have a word with Black for you, it’d be our pleasure. Pretty sure the git put itching powder in our Quidditch gear.”
“Tempting, but it’ll sort itself,” you said, taking the opportunity to work on your nonchalant smile again. You got the sense that you were going to have several more opportunities before the week was out; it seemed as if everyone in the House really had heard the row.
“Fair enough, but we’ll be keeping an eye on Lupin from now on as well,” Fabian called as the two headed for the boys’ stairs. “We don’t just protect our seeker on the pitch!”
“I feel better already!” you laughed, and you meant it. It was nice to know that the friendships you’d formed over the years were strong. You told yourself that James was right, that your bond with Sirius wasn’t going to weaken. You just wished your inner voice sounded more confident.
You opened the door to your room to find Lily on her bed, hard at work on her essay, notes and books surrounding her. Marlene was painting her toenails, and Emmeline was engaged in the assigned DADA reading. It suddenly occurred to you that you’d done none of your homework. Guess you were in for yet another late night.
“When did Black figure out how to break the enchantment on the stairs?” Lily asked without looking up.
You laughed. “Have you been sat in here all this time just waiting to ask me that?”
“Black was in here?” Marlene gasped, her eyes wide. “Why didn’t you tell me? I’d have worn something sexier to bed…”
“Question answered.”
“Ohhhh, he was here with yoouu,” she said slyly, shooting you an exaggerated wink.
“Yeeesss, he was here with meee… and Potter and Lupin and Pettigrew. And we were 11.”
“Firstyear?!” Lily exclaimed, slamming her Charms book shut.
“More like… first week,” you said, trying not to smile as her face turned as red as her hair.
“It’s a waste,” she muttered, fiercely shoving her books and parchments into her rucksack. “That’s what it is. Talent just dripping out of his ridiculously flawless pores, but does he use it for good? Of course he doesn’t. He uses it for sneaking into girls’ dormitories. And disguising dungbombs as grapefruit and leaving them on the Slytherin table. And making the mistletoe chase everyone through the castle last Christmas playing 'Let’s Get It On’.”
You choked on a laugh. “You have to admit, that was classic.”
Lily turned her glare on you, and you quickly ran over to Marlene and Emmeline, grabbing their arms and hauling them off their beds.
“Dinnertime! Who’s ready for dinner, step lively, off we go!”
Remus strolled along the sixth-floor corridor, pausing briefly to break another square off the Dairy Milk bar. He placed it on his tongue, letting the creamy chocolate melt a bit.
He’d been walking around the castle for the better part of the day, which was fine. Part of the time had been spent on his appointed prefect rounds – and had subsequently saved Prongs and Wormtail from detention after he ran across them charming Binns’ chalk to write random swear words on the blackboard. At least History of Magic would be entertaining tomorrow.
He could’ve done with more sleep, especially after he woke with a fairly thumping hangover. But when it became clear to him and Pete that Sirius wasn’t going to emerge from behind his curtains and explain what had gone on last night, they’d opted to head down to breakfast, passing a snoring James in the common room, as was becoming the norm. Remus hadn’t been surprised when he didn’t see you at breakfast either.
But it wasn’t as if he didn’t need the time alone to think, and he’d done plenty of it.
A part of him wondered if he should’ve told Sirius off for shouting at you last night. The five of you bickering amongst yourselves wasn’t uncommon, but a full-scale row was. Then again, you were more than capable of handling Sirius – perhaps the most capable… even James had to wash his hands of Padfoot from time to time – and Remus didn’t want you to think he was trying to fight your battles for you. The note he’d found with the chocolate bar seemed to indicate he’d made the right decision there.
He also wondered if he should’ve been the one to go up and see about you today when you didn’t come down. He was your best friend, after all, and last night’s date didn’t change that. But considering how he’d ended the date, waltzing into your room might have seemed a bit forward. He was relieved when he encountered Lily a bit ago and learned that James had spoken with you. Even if she did throw in a few choice threats about taking the enchantment off the stairs.
How he’d ended the date. The thought rebounded on Remus and made his stomach flip, just as it had been doing all day.
What the hell had gotten into him? Other than enough butterbeer to float a bloody barge. His initial reaction when he’d woken this morning was shame – he’d moved way too fast. But it wasn’t as if he’d been on a date with a stranger. And ultimately, he kept coming back to how completely and utterly free he’d felt in that moment… none of his usual nervousness and doubt, just him and the one person with whom he’d always felt most comfortable, and when you’d said what you said, it was as if a switch had been thrown – his mind shut down and his emotions took over.
It was exhilarating, but there was just one little problem. Alright, perhaps one very large problem: He didn’t think he could replicate it. He tried to imagine being that bold again for perhaps the hundredth time today – tried to imagine striding up to you, pulling you into the nearest broom closet, and snogging you senseless. His knees buckled, and he flailed out for the nearest thing he could grab onto to stop himself hitting the floor: a suit of armour, which clanged loudly, startling a passing ghost.
Remus blushed and gave the ghost a small wave, breaking off another square of chocolate as he spun round and headed back the way he came. That brand of bold was best left to the Siriuses of the world. Still, he really did feel more confident today than he had the day before. The two of you had had a brilliant time in Hogsmeade, and he felt closer to you for it, which was honestly more important to him than anything else. And as for the end… well, you hadn’t exactly seemed opposed to the idea of him kissing you.
A slight grin crossed his face at that thought, and he checked his watch. Finally time for dinner. Now there was just the matter of smoothing everyone’s ruffled feathers, and Remus had an idea that might do the trick.
Sirius slowly opened his eyes, intending to push the curtains aside and check the time. Instead, he found himself nose to snout with a large deer, its antlers branching above him like a prickly chandelier.
“FUCK!” he yelped, launching himself backwards and going arse over tit off the edge of the bed.
The stag made a series of grunting noises that sounded suspiciously like laughter as Sirius dragged himself from the floor, rubbing his neck. James’s voice suddenly replaced the grunts as the curtain flapped about wildly.
“Shit, Pads, I’m hung…”
“I’ve seen you in the shower, I wouldn’t go thatfar.”
“Myantlers, you twat.”
Sirius walked around the end of his bed, barking out a laugh at the sight of James shaking his head violently, antlers still attached, as he attempted to free himself from the eyelets at the top of the curtains.
“Serves you right, you literal hatstand.”
“Tosh. You had that coming and you know it. Now get me loose.”
Sirius smirked, lifting the lid of his trunk and grabbing the camera instead.
“Give us a smile,” he said as James flicked the V. Sirius snapped the photo and tossed the camera back into his trunk, waving his hand at the curtains as he made his way to his chest of drawers. The curtains extricated themselves from James’s antlers, and Sirius slid on a pair of jeans as he watched his friend squint in concentration. The antlers shrunk down slowly to hilarious little stumps before finally disappearing altogether.
“You alright, mate?” James asked cautiously, straightening his jostled glasses. “I heard Evans was introduced to Walburga…”
“Figured you sent her up,” Sirius said, dodging the topic of the Howler. Prongs’s stiff-upper-lip attitude was endearing, but pep talks had stopped working on Sirius long ago.
What he wanted after an encounter with his family was to acknowledge the darkness he felt, not deny it. He wished that he could go back to the days when he simply pretended his family didn’t exist when not in the presence of direct evidence to the contrary. Out of sight, out of mind. But while his friends knew about his parents’ blood-purist extremism, they didn’t know the whole story. They knew his parents often punished him when he was at home; they didn’t know the specific methods, which were growing increasingly abusive with each passing year. They knew his parents’ social circle shared their supremacist ideals; they didn’t know that circle was expanding to include suspected Death Eaters. “Suspected” was a laughable word at this point, he thought bitterly. He’d yet to hear of anyone “suspected” of being a Death Eater who’d not turned out to be one.
To try to ignore what was happening at 12 Grimmauld Place, to try to shrug it all off and go on his merry way, was to be unprepared. He had to stay on his guard. And so he wanted to feel the darkness because the darkness was what reminded him how very precious the light was. How worth protecting.
Your face flashed through his mind, along with a simultaneous pain through his chest. It was his own fault he wasn’t getting to turn to you today. You understood what he wanted in those moments: Not to be encouraged to let it go, not to be told that everything would be okay – just to be allowed to feel it all. Sirius was fairly sure you’d guessed the things he hadn’t told anyone. You’d always been good at reading people, especially him, but you didn’t try to press him on it. You listened. You held his hand. And when his eyes told you the words he couldn’t say out loud – that he was terrified they’d win in the end – your eyes answered that it’d be a cold day in hell before you ever let that happen.
He felt tears stinging the corners of his eyes. He needed you… now, next year, forever. That was the finite truth of it. He needed you, but he didn’t deserve you. His behaviour last night had proven that.
“…just figured maybe you’d listen if you heard it from someone else for a change,” James was saying.
“How is she?” he blurted out. “Is she… I mean, I know what I said… everything I said… fucking bang out of order, but is she okay?”
James stared at him blankly for a moment. “Evans? What’d you say to her?”
Shit, that’s right – James had been talking about Evans.
“No, sorry. Y/N…”
“Well, she wasn’t doing handsprings, mate, but it’s Y/N. You know she cares about you. Which I believe she made extra clear by screaming it at you last night. Just talk to her, Sirius. Like you always do.”
Sirius felt more tears threatening to form. He had to get a grip on himself.
“Anyway, back to Evans… erm… yeah, that made a big difference. In fact, after she walked in on me starkers, we–”
“Shewhat?!”
Sirius was relieved to find that his chuckle was genuine – the look on Prongs’s face was priceless.
“Relax, I’m joking.” He figured it’d be best not to mention that he had actually been half-naked. “It really was a good talk.”
He wasn’t lying, to his surprise. Evans’ method of getting through to him – shouting his various attributes at him while looking as if she might set his hair on fire at any moment – was oddly effective. If someone who hated him as much as she did could find some worth in him, maybe he wasn’t a lost cause after all.
“Smashing!” James said, brightening. “And guess what else? She only insulted me one time this morning!”
“A new record!” Sirius grinned, high-fiving him. “Hungry?” Hopefully you’d be at dinner so he could apologise. Pushing you away wasn’t the solution to his problem.
“Famished. By the by, Evans did say she’d amputate our toes if we set foot on the girls’ stairs again.”
“That’s not very neighbourly.”
“Oh, and Moony asked if we’d bring the map and the cloak. Says there’s something we need to do tonight.”
“Map’s in my trunk,” Sirius mumbled. He’d dropped to his stomach and appeared to be trying to fish his boots out from under the bed.
James plucked the map out of the lid of the trunk, stooping to pick up a photo that fluttered to the floor. He watched you blink in surprise as Sirius took the picture before arching an eyebrow at him, then winced at the look on your face before the shutter was pressed. He hated seeing you sad.
There was a thud as Sirius began shoving his feet into the boots, and James slipped the photo back into the lid before quietly closing the trunk and sitting down on it. Sirius had a photo of you hidden in the lid of his trunk. Not Mystery Bird. You. He glanced down at the map in his hands. Sirius hadn’t let it out of his sight since he started going out with this girl, but if James had anything to do with it, he wasn’t getting it back tonight. It was high time he met Sirius’s new lady friend.
Sirius popped up from the floor, and James tossed him the map before retrieving his cloak from his own trunk. They walked to the Great Hall in silence, except for a brief pause on the stairs to cheer on Peeves, who was chasing Filch down the third-floor corridor with a mop.
Remus and Peter were already at the table, but James noticed you and the girls were missing from your usual spot. He worried you might be giving dinner a miss as well, but a few moments later, you walked in with Evans, McKinnon and Vance. Sirius immediately made to stand, but James grabbed the hem of his shirt, tugging him back down.
“You don’t want to go over there right now, Pads. You’ve activated the girl shields.”
The four boys watched as every girl in Gryffindor shifted closer to you and your roommates as you sat down, immediately whispering and casting occasional nasty looks at the Marauders. No shouting match the likes of last night’s was going to come without the cost of a bit of chinwagging. James knew you were miserable, though. You hated gossip and seemed to be doing your best to smile and wave the girls off.
“What are they glaring at the rest of us for, we didn’t do anything!” Peter protested.
“Well, we can’t very well put him in the pillory, can we, so we’ll just have to stay here and absorb some of the collateral damage,” Remus grinned, extending a long arm across the table to give Sirius’s shoulder an encouraging slap. James was relieved to see that Remus wasn’t angry with Sirius.
“Listen, Moony…” Sirius started, wanting to make sure, but Remus cut him off.
“We’re good, Pads. It’s between the two of you, and you’ll work it out. But I might be able to help with that later.”
The rest of the meal passed with the usual banter, plus occasional laughter when you’d catch the boys glancing at you and toss subtle “kill me now” gestures their way. You apparently had had enough concern by the time pudding was served, excusing yourself and hotfooting it out of the Hall with Evans on your heels.
When dinner wound down and the Hall began to clear, Moony quietly explained his plan. It seemed to make everyone feel a bit better. James knew that things weren’t about to magically return to normal, but this should at least stop the boat rocking for now. As professors and prefects began shooing stragglers to their Houses, the Marauders slipped under James’s cloak and made their way towards the One-Eyed Witch.
I am SO TREMENDOUSLY SORRY to the ridiculously (riddikulusly?) kind people who’ve let me know they were hoping this story would continue. I don’t even know what to say other than I couldn’t be more deeply touched that you like it that much. I also couldn’t be more deeply ashamed that I’ve left you hanging. But apart from some more major life changes (I’m ready for all the life changes to stop for a good long while now!!), I’d been sitting on this bit of the story for ages now just doubting the bejesus out of it.
I suppose that’s normal when writing fanfic? Or I hope it is… this is still just my second go at it, but without going into detail on how many times I deleted bits I told myself were boring and awful, PLEASE feel free to tell me if I’m cocking this up!! lol If you don’t like where it’s going or how it’s getting there, don’t hesitate to tell me. In return, I’ll stop thinking it to death and try to let it go where it seems to want to go.
Anyway, enough sheepish excuses. I’m forcing myself to publish this part even though it seems like I should have done more to it. If you’re still here reading, bless your lovely heart, and if you asked me at some point to add you to the tag list and I didn’t, just remind me again because we all know now that my brain is a cluttered attic with a bloody ghoul in it lol
You knew one of two things would happen if you went upstairs right now.
The first scenario was that Lily and Marlene had waited up and would pounce on you the moment you entered the dorm, possibly shrieking, likely jumping up and down, and definitely diving onto your bed to demand you regale them with every detail of the day’s events.
The second was that they hadn’t waited up but would instead wake you at dawn to do all of the above.
Youdid want to talk to them, of course, particularly level-headed Lily. Today – and particularly tonight – had left you with much to process, and you’d be glad of an outside perspective. But your head was in no shape for it at the moment. Bits and pieces of the day were flashing through your mind at too swift a speed… snippets of conversations you and Remus had had, images of him laughing freely at the Broomsticks and excitedly pointing out rare books at Tomes & Scrolls, the sounds of a softly played piano, and the rush of adrenaline as the two of you tripped your way up the staircases beneath James’s cloak.
Further complicating things at the moment was the fact that those images were being too frequently interrupted by the lingering feeling of his lips sliding gently across your jaw.
Considering you were also still a bit sloshed, you arrived at the only logical conclusion: Sleeping on the sofa it was.
A wave of your wand had the fire roaring again, and you pulled a blanket up to your chin as you settled against the pillows. After a bit, you found that simply concentrating on the swaying flames helped slow the roundabout in your head. One particular question kept begging for attention, though, no matter how you tried to ignore it.
Had you wanted Remus to kiss you?
Sussing out the answer felt like significantly more effort than you wanted to exert at the present time, but something in the back of your mind kept insisting it was important to try. Either you’d wanted him to kiss you or you’d just been curious to see if he would. The difference would tell you… it would tell you…
“I just want to sleep,” you groaned in frustration as the back of your mind yanked you once again from the edge of a doze.
“Well, fine then! I know when I’m not wanted,” a voice came from behind you. “Thank Evans for that.”
You snorted. “Thank Evans.”
James paused for a moment, then laughed as he caught on.
“Thank Evans instead of thank heavens… oh, we’ve got to make that a new Marauders in-joke, it’ll drive her round the bend.”
You giggled as you pictured Lily a few days from now, red faced and stamping her foot as she demanded to know why everyone kept saying that.
“Sorry to disturb, though, I’ll leave you to it,” James said, his voice a bit further away. You shook your head, then realised he couldn’t see you; you’d wedged yourself as deeply into the sofa cushions as you could manage in your fitfulness.
“No, I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking to myself. I feel like I’m losing the plot, James…”
You rubbed your face. James’s timing was, as per usual, impeccable. You suddenly knew that if anyone could help you sort through this, it was him.
You extended your arms so that he could see them over the back of the sofa.
“Hold me,” you said in your most piteous voice.
“Why, Y/N!” James gasped, his head appearing above yours, a mock expression of shock on his face. “What would Moony say?”
“Belt up and get over here.”
“How forceful of him,” James teased as he vaulted the back of the sofa. You pulled your knees quickly to your chest to avoid having your legs crushed. You couldn’t, however, avoid being jostled violently, and before you could regain your breath, James had grabbed you round the waist and hauled you into his lap. Angling back against the cushions, he put a hand on your forehead and pressed down until your head was resting on the arm of the sofa before draping his arm comfortably over your stomach.
“How is it you always manage to make me feel simultaneously assaulted and loved?” you asked.
It was only partially a joke. James seemed to barrel into every endeavour like a drunken ogre yet, by the end, it was always as if everything had gone precisely according to his plan. It was part of the reason you were so sure he and Lily would eventually end up together. She just had to wait out the ogre stage.
“It’s a gift,” James yawned, pulling the blanket over the two of you. “Now. How satisfactory is Remus’s snogging? I reckon he goes in a bit frantic, but Pads pegs him as more of a tender lover…”
“If I weren’t so tired, I’d look at you indignantly,” you said, eyes closed. “There was no snogging.”
“Not even a peck goodnight?”
“No. Well…”
“Aha!”
“I said no!”
“And then you said ‘well’. Everybody knows that 'well’ after 'no’ means 'yes’.”
You managed an exasperated sigh. “Did he not speak to the three of you when he came in?”
“Two of us. Sirius still isn’t back.”
There was that twinge again.
“And you know Moony. Told us to sod off and crawled into bed before we could even so much as get a word out. But he was grinning like a Cheshire cat when he came through the door, so I just figured–”
“You just figured what?” you asked, opening your eyes just enough to narrow them at him. “That he couldn’t possibly be grinning because we’d had a nice time or because I’m excellent company?”
“You’re always excellent company and you two always have a nice time. So something different had to have happened. And snogging would definitely be different.”
“There was nosnogging.”
“But there was a 'well’.”
With a quiet groan, you reached up to rub your temples, which were beginning to throb.
“Why does everyone always want to have deep, probing conversations with me when I’m fucking shattered?” you demanded. “What’s wrong with soul searching at, say, half eight?”
“We all know 'tipsy and tired’ is your and Sirius’s Veritaserum,” James said matter of factly.
Your eyes widened, and he quickly put a hand over your mouth.
“Allow me,” he said, clearing his throat and sending his voice into an exaggerated falsetto. “James, how dare you! Do you have any idea how manipulative that is? If you weren’t so incredibly handsome and virile, I’d be very, very cross with you.”
You couldn’t help but chuckle into his hand, and he took that as a sign that it was safe to remove it.
“Itis manipulative,” you muttered.
“If you want to be negative about it,” James said with a dismissive wave. “I prefer to see it as a sign of how close we all are. I mean, we’d have to be to pick up on this stuff, wouldn’t we? Get a fair few down you and Sirius, wait till you’re good and cream-crackered, and the both of you will spill your guts. Don’t act like you’ve never bribed Remus with chocolate, and we both know you can guilt him into anything if you appeal to that honourable streak of his. Just tell Pete 'that’s something James and Sirius would do’ and he’ll do it. Honestly, Y/N, if you don’t occasionally manipulate your friends, do you really even care?”
You opened your mouth to protest, then remembered how many times you’d gotten James to do something he didn’t want to do by telling him how impressed Lily would be when you told her.
“Alright, fair enough. We’re extremely close, sort of rotten friends. We deserve each other. But for the record, I was going to tell you anyway. 'Tipsy and tired’ or not.”
One of the things you loved about all the boys was that they knew when it was fine to take the Mickey and when it was time to shut it and listen. James sat attentively as you summed up the day, his mouth dropping open as you reached the end.
“Moony did that?! OurMoony?”
You nodded.
“Fucking hell,” James said, grinning through his shock as he shook his head. “I didn’t think he had it in him. So… what happened next?”
“I threw a pillow at him.”
“As you do.”
“Not smack in the face or anything. He sneaked off right when I thought… well, I thought he was going to properly kiss me. Next thing I knew, he was on the stairs.”
“Merlin’s undies, he went from nervous wreck to Casanova in a day? You must be one hell of a date, love.”
“That goes without saying, but I don’t think it had as much to do with me as it did with Remus just… throwing caution to the wind for once. This is going to sound odd, but I felt sort of proud of him. He’s capable of so much more than he thinks he is.”
“Apparently. Ten minutes before we went down to the Great Hall, he was snogging a paper bag. If you’d told me he’d be moving on to chins a few hours later, I’d have–”
“He did not snog my chin. Godric, James.”
James laughed before tapping his own chin with his thumb, something he always did when he was thinking.
“So what is it you’re upset about? That he didn’t properly kiss you? Did you want him to?”
James watched as you slowly nibbled the inside of your bottom lip. You always did that when you were thinking.
He had to admit, he was reeling from this news about Moony. He hadn’t had any doubt that Remus would eventually relax and the two of you would settle into your usual simpatico swing. He wouldn’t have left his cloak with Rosmerta otherwise. But from there, he’d reckoned it’d be a hug and off to bed, followed by a few agonising weeks of having to watch the two of you awkwardly dance around one another – complete with loads of blushing and that Alice-and-Frank hand-brushing bollocks – while you all waited to see where this would go.
Remus had skipped ahead a few chapters, and now it was time to figure out whether that had advanced the story or spoilt the ending.
“That’s what was keeping me awake when you came down,” you said finally. “Did I want him to kiss me… romantically? Or did I just want to see what New Remus would do next?”
“Well… maybe a comparison,” James suggested. “How have you felt just before being kissed before?”
Your eyes dropped, and a slight flush washed over your cheeks.
“I haven’t been kissed before,” you said quietly.
James’s eyes widened in genuine surprise.
“Don’t take the piss, James, not right now.”
“I would never! I just assumed Morgan had at least had a go…”
“He had welts for a week after that Stinging Snowball stunt. Hasn’t put his face anywhere near me since.”
“Sorry? I suppose?”
“You suppose wrong. He’s nice enough, but he’s a bit of a big head. Always on about shallow rubbish, doesn’t seem interested in getting to know me. The real me, I mean.”
Suddenly, you looked vulnerable and sad. Just like Sirius had that night outside the kitchens. James really wished he could make everyone stop looking like that.
He’d had all the standard, humiliating warnings from his mum that people’s feelings would go all… feely once they reached a certain age. It’d been especially delightful the night she’d decided to include Sirius in the conversation. “Be wary of young ladies who only seem to be attracted to your looks,” she’d said. “Particularly you, Sirius.” James scowled slightly as he remembered Pads bursting into laughter.
But you and Remus, Sirius and Mystery Bird… regardless of the warnings, James hadn’t expected to start fifth year with everyone pairing off. And if he was honest, he was feeling a bit gutted that, despite a little progress, he seemed no closer to adding 'James and Lily’ to that list.
But none of this was going to be solved overnight. A change of subject was definitely in order.
“I vote we not be serious for the rest of the night.”
“I second,” you said, giving him a grateful smile.
“I third! One of me is more than enough.”
James watched as the smile slipped from your face at the sound of Sirius’s voice. You used to light up when he walked into a room. How had Pads never noticed that?
Tilting his head back, James watched as Sirius caught his foot on the edge of the portrait hole and tipped forwards. Just before he hit the floor, however, he spun, putting a hand down behind him and propelling himself upright. The whole thing ended up looking more like a bloody dance move than a drunken eejit tripping into a room. James shook his head. He loved Sirius dearly, but sometimes he wondered if it wouldn’t do Pads some good to fall flat on his face every once in a while. Might knock some sense into him.
“Uh-oh,” Sirius said, dangling over the back of an adjacent armchair. “Cuddles with Prongs means something’s wrong.”
“You’re almost as poetic as Peeves,” you retorted, rolling your eyes.
“So what is it?” Sirius continued, unperturbed. “Bad date?”
His tone was confrontational. He was also pissed as a newt – eyes bloodshot, voice heavy and sluggish, and his breath could have knocked over an erumpent. This was not good.
“Perfectly lovely date, thank you,” you said shortly. “Best time I’ve had in ages.”
James watched as a pained look flickered over Sirius’s face, replaced almost immediately by another James knew all too well. That sulky look that said “Pads is now in a mood – terrible decisions on his part are about to be made and something will inevitably get broken”. This was very, very not good.
“Oh? Then why are you in the common room being consoled by Prongs instead of upstairs showing off your love bites like mydate?”
James felt you flinch and instinctively grabbed your hand as the pained look found a new home. Yours didn’t last long either, though, anger scorching the hurt away from your eyes.
“Bloodyhell, Sirius, shut your gob and go to bed,” James tried, knowing it was too late. You sat up stiffly, glaring at the boy as he raised a smug eyebrow at you.
“That was horrid,” you said quietly, your voice quivering slightly.
“That’s not what she said,” Sirius drawled, standing upright.
“Why are you acting like this? This isn’t you. Why are you doing this to– why are you doing this?”
Sirius faltered for a moment at your sudden pleading tone, and James held his breath, hoping fervently that some faint, preferably sober voice in Padfoot’s head would lead him right. But then the mask slid back down.
“Doing what? Having a little fun?”
“There’s a difference between having fun and acting like an arrogant prick.”
“So I’m a prick now because I’m not Remus?”
“Who said I wanted you to be Remus?”
“Then who is it you want me to be?”
“You! The realyou.”
“And where has that ever gotten me? Who gives a shit about the real me?”
“I DO!!” you yelled, and James watched as Sirius’s eyes widened slightly. You stood abruptly, clearly flustered, and stomped to the bottom of the girls’ stairs. Surely that had snapped Sirius out of it…
“Yeah, well, you can tell Remus the real me is a prick too on your next perfectly lovely date.”
Aaaaand fuck. James let his head drop onto the back of the sofa as Sirius stalked to the boys’ stairs. In his peripheral vision, he could see you swiping quickly at your eyes while Sirius wasn’t looking.
“Believe me, I will,” you said, your volume rising. “And don’t worry, I won’t be spoiling your fun from now on. Why you even bother concerning yourself with what dull, boring little Y/N is doing is beyond me.”
“BECAUSE I FUCKING WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY!” Sirius shouted.
The two of you glowered at one other for a few seconds before you bolted through the door to the girls’ tower, slamming it behind you. Sirius pounded his fist against the boys’ door before violently kicking it open.
At least nothing got brok–
James ducked as a bolt of light shot from the top of the boys’ stairs and a small table near the portrait hole exploded. Wearily curling up on the sofa, he listened for a few moments for any further signs of movement. Or destruction. While it was a safe bet that everyone in the House was awake now, he hoped they’d stay in their dorms. He needed to take stock, and better to do it here than upstairs with the Human Molotov Cocktail in the next bed.
Silence settled slowly over the room.
First on the list of things needing pondered: James had seriously underestimated Remus, who had apparently been a character from a romance novel all along – sensitive, suave, well-read, dashing, musical, and moonlighting as a werewolf. Pun very much intended. He also seemed to have intentions of snogging you at some point in the near future, though whether or not you wanted to be snogged was still up in the air. And meanwhile, Sirius’s snogging was clearly out of control.
If it turned out Pete was snogging anything, James was going to be extremely put out.
To make all of that even more complicated, despite your best efforts to be furious, you and Sirius had really only proven one thing with your row: You still had feelings for each other. The Veritaserum had spoken. Or in this case, shouted.
“Tipsy and tired,” he sighed, pulling the blanket over his head. He himself was unfortunately only one of those things.
“Potter!”
James groaned. What the holy hell now? It felt like he’d barely closed his eyes five minutes ago.
“POTTER!”
Irritably, he yanked the blanket away from his face and winced against the sunlight streaming into the room before forcing one eye open. Lily was standing in front of the sofa, arms crossed, foot tapping. James closed his eye. Could she just once plan a lecture for a time when he didn’t look like he’d been trampled by graphorns? Seeing as he usually couldn’t defend his actions, it’d be nice if he could at least smoulder.
“Potter, I obviously saw you open your eye, so why would you bother closing it?”
“Because my dream seems to be malfunctioning. Normally, you’re naked.”
“Oh my God. Just forget it, you manky plonker,” Lily huffed, turning towards the portrait hole.
“Wait, wait, Evans, I apologise. Step into my office, we’ll have a chat that I’m sure will include many more apologies by me.”
Lily looked dubious but settled into an armchair as James dragged himself into a sitting position, straightening his glasses.
“I’m sure this will come as a nasty shock, but I’m not here to talk about you,” Lily began. “Though I would be interested to know if you ever actually sleep in your bed.”
James opened his mouth, but your voice suddenly popped into his head.
“Do NOT say 'You’re welcome to find out’, for fuck’s sake, these are the things that do not impress Lily no matter how funny they are, James.”
“It was safer down here last night,” he said instead.
Lily nodded with a sigh.
“That’s what I wanted to talk about. We were all awake when she came in, of course, but she just dove into bed and drew the curtains. Hasn’t come out since. Please tell me it wasn’t Remus she was shouting at…”
“It wasn’t Remus. It was Sirius.”
“Sirius?”
“He stumbled in from his date while Y/N and I were chatting. It went… less than well.”
Lily sighed, casting a worried look towards the girls’ dorm.
James frowned. Damned if he was going to start yet another week with everything gone pear-shaped. He needed a plan of action. A change of perspective.
“Evans, what do you think should be done about a person who’s too pigheaded to understand that another person’s been trying to tell them they fancy them?”
“Don’t you call me pigheaded, James Potter!”
James snorted. “No, no, not you. Sirius. The row last night, it was nothing but the two of them lashing out at each other because they’re hurt and stubborn. And in Sirius’s case, bevvied. With a dash of stupid.”
“So you think Sirius still has feelings for her?”
“I know he does. But the thing is, he’s had his bloody chances and he just keeps cocking it up. I’m of a mind now he’s doing it on purpose.”
Lily’s eyes widened. “Why?”
“I’m convinced now that he stood aside for Remus. Which under any other circumstance would’ve made him quite the noble bastard, but under this one… I don’t know. I reckon Sirius wanted to give Remus’s confidence a leg up, but from what Y/N said last night Moony’s doing just fine on his lonesome.”
“She talked to you about her date?”
James raised a brow. “Some girls have no trouble at all talking to me, Evans. Some girls quite enjoy it, in fact.”
“Yes, well, some girls also quite enjoy waxing their legs. So they had a nice time?”
“I’ll leave the details to her but yeah, seems so.”
Lily stood suddenly. “I’m going to talk to her. If things went well with Remus and she’s committed to seeing where else they might go, then she needs to give it time. Which means Sirius needs to stop complicating things. Perhaps you should tell him as much.”
“About that,” James said, eyeing Lily cautiously. “Me telling Pads what to do is about as effective as me telling that fireplace poker. Meanwhile, your continued refusal to find me irresistible means you don’t know much about men. No offence.”
“Point?” Lily groaned.
“What Y/N needs right now is insight and empathy. What Pads needs is a stern lecture. Care to trade?”
Lily looked puzzled for a moment before crinkling her nose in disgust. “You want me to speak with Black?”
“Frightened, are you?”
The girl puffed up immediately and it was all James could do not to laugh. She looked like a disgruntled owl.
“Hardly. Repulsed is more like it. He’s horrid. Second-most-arrogant person I’ve ever had the misfortune to meet. Selfish, spoilt, a complete and utter rake…”
“And yet you… don’t want to lecture him?”
Lily paused. “Actually, now you mention it, yes. Yes I do. It’s certainly clear no one else in his life ever has.”
“It’s settled then,” James said, hopping up from the sofa and heading for the girls’ stairs. “I’d have a go now if I were you; I reckon he’s too hungover to be belligerent.”
Lily marched towards the boys’ stairs but whipped around, mouth open, at the sound of James whispering behind her.
“JamesPotter!! Did you just take the enchantment off the girls’ stairs?!”
“Sirius taught me!” James yelled over his shoulder, taking two steps at a time to get out of hexing range. “Feel free to include that in your chat!”
“Oh, I will! Once this business is sorted, we’re all going to be having chats about lots of things! I amaprefect, you know!”
“Yes, yes, thank Evans for that,” James called as he opened the door to the dorms, grinning as Lily’s voice drifted up the stairs: “Thank me for what?”
