Since some of you asked for this scene I finally wrote the scene of Jean asking for Mikasa approval
After Chapter 22 and after the first half of chapter 23, so those who haven’t read Cherry, Beware!
“I hope….” He begins to whisper, but pauses as the emotions begin to crawl up his throat. “I hope you don’t mind that I’m the one coming now.”
Jean’s eyes flicker to the bouquets of flowers in hand and then glances at the flowers you had once put in the vases in front of Furlan and Isabel’s graves. Flowers that have been dead for a long time; the petals weren’t even connected to the stems, nor were they littered around the ground, all that was left was a stem that no one bothered to pick up.
So instead Jean picked up the stems off the vases and put them aside to replace the dead stems with new lively and beautiful bouquets from the same vendor you would go to on your way here.
“I hope you don’t mind that it will just be now.” Jean continued as he fixed the flowers so they’d look neat. “It’s—” he sighs and can’t help but let a sad smile tug on his lips. “I look ridiculous talking to a pair of graves….I don’t know how she did it and didn’t laugh….then again,” he swallows thickly and tries to keep the tears in. “It probably felt like the closest thing to getting to talk to the both of you, so I think it’s just weird for me. I’m not used to it…I’m definitely not used to talking to her grave yet….” Jean pauses again and drops his head to try to hide his sniffle from…himself since no one was around to hear him.
“….I hope you treat her nice…I know she’s missed you. I hope you know that I won’t ever stop loving her. Y/N, will always hold a special place in my heart, for as long as I live. So don’t worry.” Jean says in between a soft sob. “Just promise you’ll take care of her until I get there. She tends to be reckless sometimes.” He smiles softly and looks up at both graves before he stands up. “I’ll come visit again. I have other people to go visit, she never wanted anyone to feel left out.”
Jean wipes his tears off his cheeks, and picks up the third bouquet of flowers he had laid on the ground to place a pair of flowers on the graves of the other veteran Scouts you had grown up with. Just like when you would come visit them yourself, when he would accompany you when he could and just watch you patiently.
It felt weird having him doing the rounds all alone now. Especially because he knew you wouldn’t be waiting for him outside the cemetery gates.
No one waited for him. He walked back to the barracks alone.
He sat in the mess hall alone, on the table you’d usually like to sit on with the rest of your friends.
He ate lunch alone in the seat he’d usually take across from you.
Now, he could just ask one of his friends to accompany him for lunch, he could’ve even asked one of them to accompany him to the cemetery, but he didn’t want to bother them, and well…..he wanted to be alone even if the solitude felt painful now that you weren’t here. Now that all he had of you was memories, drawings of you he’d draw in secret sometimes, tracings of bits and pieces of you in the clothes you wore, the books and journals you cherished, the smell of you that still clung faintly in your room and his pillows. Most importantly in the engagement ring he never gave you.
Jean held onto the ring in his pocket everywhere he went, as if he was waiting for a moment to pop the important question.
You were gone now, he couldn’t give the ring to a ghost, nor did he want to leave the ring on your grave and risk having it taken by some wild animal, or some random wanderer. And truth was having the ring with him gave him comfort, just like the necklace around his neck that had your first initial hanging from it. Yeah, you never knew about the ring…unless Sasha or Connie told you….
Yet! If you did know, you’d never be able to keep it down. You’d burst from excitement…or that’s what he hoped you’d feel…
Nevertheless, you wouldn’t be able to keep it a secret that you knew, so he’s assured you didn’t know that he wanted to get engaged.
Now albeit, he regrets not having asked you. Would that have changed your fate? Because if he had asked and you said yes, maybe, just maybe that would have kept you closer, he could’ve kept you safe and helped you. So he wondered, if he had not been some coward and asked the girl he loved to marry him, would that have changed your fate.
That’s all he could do, wonder.
“Jean?” Someone called. He lifts his head off the table and sees Mikasa in front of him with a confused look on her face.
“Are you okay?” She continues to ask.
Jean nods and begins to pick up his empty plates to swing his legs over the bench and wash what he had used.
“Armin was asking for you during lunch,” Mikasa says as she follows him into the kitchen. “Where were you?”
Jean washes his plates first and then turns to answer Mikasa with a bit of dread to this conversation. “I went to the cemetery.”
“Oh.”
Jean proceeds to walk out the kitchen and Mikasa follows, not getting the hint with Jean’s dry response and his avoidance that he didn’t want to talk right now.
“How are you feeling? You missed breakfast too.” She kept trying to talk.
Yet he didn’t want to hurt her feelings by turning her away either so he let her follow him towards the dorms. “I’m doing fine,” he deadpanned, hoping she’d leave him alone after he gave her the answer she seeked.
Yet she kept following him and that only triggered Jean to stop and turn to face her to ask her a question with bluntness. “Is there something you need?”
Mikasa stops a few feet away and quickly looks away as she lifts her scarf. She stays quiet for a few seconds and just further annoys Jean. Not like he felt better when she did answer. “I just wanted to talk about…y/n.”
Jean sighs and his eyes fall to the ground. He didn’t want to talk about you right now. Not because he was tired of having to hear about you, but because it hurt having people talk about you in a past tense knowing you weren’t coming back. It hurt him too much.
He fought through the pain right now though.
“What about?” Jean queried.
Mikasa sighs and gives her answer softly. “I heard from Sasha that you…bought a ring for her.”
It was something stupid to bring up, but Jean didn’t know Mikasa just needed to get out what she had trapped in her chest; all the emotions she kept inside. She needed something happy to talk about or else she’d be too focused on her grief. And maybe what she asked about would make him happy. And well she was curious.
Jean albeit had a hard time dealing with what he felt about the question. He knew off the bat that he didn’t feel overwhelming joy having to talk about the future plans he wanted with you, but he also did feel sort of happy that he can finally speak to someone about the ring.
“I,” Jean pauses and sighs as he almost chooses that he wasn’t going to continue the conversation, but well he did want to talk about you to someone. “I did.”
Jean guided Mikasa towards the balcony at the end of the hall to continue talking there.
“Why didn’t you say it before?” She continued to ask.
Jean propped his hands on the railing and looked down at the ground as he replied. “It was supposed to be a secret. Sasha was the only one who was supposed to know, but she couldn’t keep her mouth shut. Did….y/n know?” He asks as he lifts his eyes to meet Mikasa’s for a brief moment.
“No,” Mikasa assured him. “She never knew, do you really think she’d be able to hide that if she did?” Mikasa laughs softly.
Jean scoffs and an amused laugh escapes his lips. “No she wouldn’t have been able to keep that a secret.”
Mikasa smiles at her hands and Jean looks up at the clouded sky and hears what Mikasa takes a moment to bring up. “Were you planning to ask her soon?”
Jean blinks and shrugs. “I don’t know. I wanted to, but I didn’t know when. I wanted it to be special, with everything going on there was hardly time for that.”
“I don’t think you had to worry, she appreciated every moment.”
“Yeah,” Jean agrees with a smile. “I loved that about her. She was a lot more humble than I could ever be, but I guess…maybe I was a little bit of a coward. I think that’s the main reason. She would have said yes regardless of where I asked. But I still wanted it to be special for her.”
“I understand,” Mikasa mumbles before glancing at Jean and seeing him pull out a small wooden box from his pocket.
He then followed to turn his body and open the box to show her the ring inside.
It was simple to him, but it made Mikasa smile.
“It’s pretty.” She compliments it. “It’s very nice.”
“I wanted to buy her this ring that had the band shaped like a flower stem,” Jean shares. “It had small flowers that had little yellow diamonds in the center, and it had leaves around the main diamond too.” He smiles at the ring and for a second forgets about your death. “But it was too expensive. Do you think she’ll like this one? It’s very small, but I plan on buying something more expensive when I get more money.” He looks up at Mikasa and sees her deep frown, and that’s what reminds him. “I mean do you think she would’ve…nevermind.” Jean closes the box and puts it back in his pocket to turn again and look at the ground to hide his tears.
“Yeah, I think she would’ve loved it,” Mikasa answers the question he never finished asking. “I think you would’ve made her cry.”
Jean scoffs and can’t help his faint smile. He looks at her from the corner of his eyes and his smile stays as he asks his next question. “If she were still here would you have given me permission to propose to your cousin? I mean you’re like overly protective about her so would I have to snuck around and asked her, or would you have let me?”
Mikasa laughs and nods. “She loved you so if that’s what she wanted, yes. I just wanted her to be happy. But,” she says with a teasing smile. “I don’t know if Levi would have given you the same answer, or Hange.”
Jean ignores her comment and shrugs. “You said yes.”
“They really were more protective over her. Imagine if all the veteran scouts were still alive. And her father.”
Jean continues to ignore her. “You said yes.”
“Not the same.”
Jean sighs and avoids that conversation all of a sudden as it hits him again that this talk was stupid since you weren’t here anymore. So instead of talking about something else he walks back and tries to head towards his room instead. “Anyway, I’m going to finish some papers. I’ll see you later, Mikasa.”
Mikasa nods and once he’s gone she sighs and looks at the lonely balcony now that Jean was gone. She expected to be accompanied by Sasha, you, or both, but now neither of you were here to be with her. You were both gone.
All these years Hange never felt that Erwin made the right decision in choosing her as commander. Always blaming themself and taking responsibility for inevitable mistakes. Feeling depressed and useless and still giving her all to do the right thing, to fulfill her role as a leader.
People always focus on Levi’s suffering for choosing Armin and Armin’s pain for being the one who lived in Erwin’s place, but hardly anyone talks about Hange, as always no one recognizes their hard work…
