A/N: Ahhh!! Last chapter before season 4, enjoy the fluff!
Warning- Sweet, heart melting FLUFF!!, light swearing, LONG CHAPTER! NSFW, dirty talk SMUT (it’s just a part. Not too long so for those of you who don’t like reading that stuff don’t worry, it’s towards the end, and regardless, I’llcolor the first word from where it starts, and then ends!)
Pairing- Jean Kirstein x reader
(Let me know if you want to be tagged)
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*YEAR 853*
A deep breath of air unfurls from your lungs and slowly and calmly escapes past your lips. The sand beneath your feet picks up, creating a thin sand cloud that drags back with a swift shift of your foot.
The air surrounding you is thick with anticipation, over exaggerated fear and excitement. The beating of your heart is fueled with adrenaline with no hint of fear lacing through your veins. That was a dangerous thing.
Sun beams reflect off your blade, bouncing off the metal with each twirl. When the spinning stops, on one side the ocean waves are mirrored on the shiny metal, whilst the other side captures every curve of your body as you slowly lift it, stopping the moment it’s just your cocky smirk captured on the tip of the blade.
As you take a second to register your surroundings, you capture Jean with his breath held over the use of real blades, Sasha and Connie with amused grins on their features, and Armin watching through the gaps between his fingers. Until finally you take in your cousin Mikasa shifting her fighting stance before you.
“You know,” Mikasa quips with her hand gripping her metal blade. “I like how confident you’ve become in yourself.” The corner of her lips twitch. “I think you might even beat me. For the first time.”
The air at the sea now had a distinguishable smell. Whereas when you first arrived the smell was unknown and foreign. Now you came to recognize that it was the smell of salt from the blue body of water.
Each time the breeze blew, one could taste the salt in the breeze. It was welcoming, different and appealing. After returning to Trost for a short week, you were suddenly aware of the difference between the thick, polluted city smell and the light fresh smell of the sea. After returning to the camp, you also recognized that missing the city was ridiculous. Especially after how the painted night sky looked from the sand you sat on.
The sky was littered with more stars than you could ever imagine existed, their light shone brighter than that compared to the drowned out starlight that shone over the city. From the grainy sand you could see a string of thousands of stars lined down the night sky almost daily. It looked like someone had used a paintbrush and painted a singular thick stroke of milky white stars across the dark sky. Yet none of it compared to how each phase of the moon, and each twinkling star looked mirrored on the water’s surface.
The first time you witnessed the view, you were utterly breath taken by the beauty. You actually reached for the water to feel if in some possible way the stars floated down to dance on the water’s surface. But no. When your fingers met the water, the ripple disrupted the view. Regardless though, now you made it part of your nightly routine to admire the reflection from the cold sand when the stars did shine. Albeit it was easy getting entranced by the moment. Making you unaware of anything that could go on around you. Like now.
“Why did you leave the bonfire?” Jean’s voice broke the silence, his sudden presence startling you out of your stupor.
Hi! Could you do a one-shot of Jean/Girlfriend. His lover drank the wine and turned into a Titan after Zeke screamed. Then could you show everyone’s reaction and what they decide to do. :D
A/N: Sorry this took a little bit, but I’m really happy with how this turned out! Also had to catch up on the last two episodes that came out (including the one today omg it was so good). I did take some liberties with the second part of your request, as I focused more on Jean’s reaction. I hope you enjoy and thank you so much for your request!
Word Count: 1.2K
You weren’t one to enjoy alcohol. Usually, you would avoid having even a single glass of wine because you didn’t want to risk the possibility of you being drunk. The thought of being out of your own control in a world that was already so messed up plagued your mind enough to the point that when you and your buddies were passing around a bottle, you’d pass on the opportunity. Plus, the taste of it wasn’t fantastic enough to warrant you actively seeking a sip of the purpley-red liquid.
However, that one night where you wanted to just forget about the fact that your comrades, your family, and your closest friends were six feet under - and you were only nineteen yourself - you found yourself with a flush on your cheeks and a giggle in your throat. It felt so good at the moment, like you were flying in the sky. It was that same adrenaline and completely pleasant feeling that you remembered experiencing when you first mastered using ODM gear; playing hide and seek in the training forests with Connie, Jean, and Sasha. It made you feel like a fifteen year old again. You felt like your old self. Now, it just made you miserable.
The little armband that was affixed to your overcoat did nothing to weigh you down, but you felt like it was constricting your arm. It was hard to process what Commander Pyxis had told you - that the wine you had sipped from was contaminated with Zeke Yeager’s spinal fluid. That the one time, the one instance in which you had let yourself have a drink, it would be the biggest mistake of your life.
At the moment, you were stuck in a cell, swinging your feet on a little stool and trying not to think too hard about what was almost certainly to come within the next few days, maybe in the next few moments. The second that Zeke would yell, it would be over for you. You would transform into the very monster that you had been slaying for the last several years. But, could you really still call them monsters? They were people with lives who had been at the beck and call of Marley. They could have been someone’s Connie, someone’s Sasha. Someone’s Jean… oh god Jean. What would he say when he finds out? Would it be too late, would you have already transformed before you got the chance to say goodbye? And if that did happen, would he even be able to tell if you were a titan? You’d seen it happen before with Armin. A strange, mutated version of the human they once were is projected onto the titan’s face. You almost began to tear up at that possibility - that a gangly titan version of you had your Y/H/C hair, your Y/E/C eyes. A ‘you’ that was so deformed, but still held the characteristics that would prompt someone to say, ‘that’s Y/N’s titan.’
You felt sick. You leant to reach for a bucket, but the locked door that imprisoned you and several others swung open.
“Let’s go, come on. We need you all.” You didn’t bother to look up at the speaker. You were a soldier, and you knew how to follow orders, so you immediately fell into line. A gun was shoved into your hand and there was a pat to your back as you were ushered out of the building and into the usually busy cobblestone streets. A gasp fell from your lips as you looked around you. All over, Marlyeans and Eldians were battling, and in the center of it all, Eren’s titan. That short boy with the raven colored hair that you used to share jokes with and poke fun at, held a stance and stature that felt so wrong. But you didn’t have time to linger or hold onto that thought. Instead, the Beast titan made you freeze in your movements. You couldn’t move, you couldn’t breathe. And yes, while that was part of the titan’s power, this was purely your own body’s actions. An overwhelming fear struck through every one of your nerves that you didn’t notice a Marleyean take aim at you. However, someone else did. In a flurry of movements, Jean killed the man instantly and turned towards you, running as fast as he could. All you could do was watch him. Immediately, Jean gathered you into his arms, clutching and grasping at your arms, your clothes, your hair - like you were water slipping from his hands and he was doing everything he could to keep you there with him.
“Y/N, where the hell have you been, Armin and I have been trying to get everyone of our group back together and you have been the one person to be missing.” He says into your hair, breathing you in and tucking your face into his chest. Again, you find yourself not being able to do anything, so he pulls back to look at you from an arm’s length. “Y/N?”
Your gaze flickers down to your armband and then back to him, which he mimics. You find it truly impressive how many emotions his face shuffles through in one second. Confusion, denial, anger, sadness. He was just missing one to have gone through the whole cycle of grief. Instead, he shook his head.
“No, no. Tell me you didn’t, this has to be a mistake. You hate wine, you hate alcohol in general. It’s probably because you were just with them that they made you wear it.”
“Jean…” you finally croak out, giving him a sad smile and locking your eyes with his. “You… you should go. You need to get away from me. Please.” Pushing him away and backpedaling slowly, you don’t let him out of your sight. He takes a step forward, but your hand goes up. “I don’t want you to be here when this happens, and I don’t think you do either.” His head turns towards the floor, and you know you’ve won. “Hey Jean? Close your eyes for me?” You say, your voice quivering just a bit. He complies. “I love you.” You say, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. And with that, you’re gone, down the road and around the corner. And Zeke let’s forth one hell of a scream.
He lets his feet carry him until he’s into a spring, finally moving to use his ODM gear. Jean finds himself on a rooftop with Armin, Mikasa, and Connie. The light explodes all over the crumbling city, and Jean clamps his hands over his ears. He doesn’t want this, he never wanted this. He wanted a life with you in a little cottage. He wanted to be reading a newspaper while your baby was asleep on his chest, their little hand gripping onto the cloth of his shirt. He won’t get that. He will never get that.
“Is that?” Connie exclaims, shock and sadness taking hold of his tone.
“O-oh my god.” Armin says, his hand moving to cover his dropped jaw.
“No…” Mikasa whispered, her eyes wide. Finally, Jean looks to what they had set their eyes on. A tall, strong looking titan. Y/H/C hair was whipping fiercely in the wind. Y/E/C eyes were buried deep in its face. And quickly, just like that kiss you had given him, a soldier had sliced its nape and it collapsed on the broken, cobble street. Jean let forth a breath. Acceptance.
winter things ; eren, armin, levi, hange, sasha, jean, connie, and mikasa
warnings this is just some pure fluff hcs
genre fluff, modern au
word count 0.6k
inspirationn/a
synopsis winter things with some of the aot characters
author’s note i recently caught up on the aot manga and it ripped me apart. so, for my own self indulgence, here’s winter things i’d want to do with them individually ( or could see them doing )
eren yeager;
please ask him if he wants to build gingerbread houses
i can see it getting competitive, so competitive that eren wants armin to step in as judge
just to see his reaction, you play dirty ( eat steal some of his materials, even go as far as breaking his gingerbread, etc. )
doesn’t notice for a while but thanks to your snickering and armin trying to hold back his laughter, it clicks
and boy, was eren not having it
after his rant you give the competition to him even though he won technically because of your cheating
armin arlert;
i don’t know why but i can see gift wrapping with armin being therapeutic
there’s the faint sound of christmas songs while you two are having small talk about who’s present you’re wrapping
softly asking each other for materials
and if there’s bigger gifts, asking for help from one another
and for myself: he’d be there to calm you down when you accidentally pull too hard on paper and rip it
levi ackerman;
just one look at levi and you can tell he’s not one for christmas spirit
but pester him a enough times to help you decorate and you’ll get what you want
he claims it’s because he doesn’t want you to make the house ugly but truly he likes it
you know for a fact when you see him focusing hard on which bulb to put on the tree
to make it more fun, you guys decorate different parts of the house
and at the end of it all, you two sit down and enjoy tea ( while levi comments on the parts of the house you did )
hange zoë;
obnoxiously singing christmas songs
i just know it’s the best feeling to scream your lungs out with hange
your guys’ voice cracking and everything
not a single key is being hit but it’s fun
it’s usually done on christmas day when everyone else is over
and yes, levi hates it
sasha braus;
you and sasha annually decorate christmas cookies
of course with sasha, it’s not smooth sailing
by time you guys are done half of the materials have been digested by her
but she still lets you have your fun and you guys end up with a handful of nice cookies
which by the end of the night are eaten by sasha but it’s still fun
jean kirstein;
all i want is to watch christmas lights with jean
he’ll probably think it’s stupid at first but since you want to do it, he will no doubt
he’s glad he goes along with you because seeing your reaction every time you guys see a breathtaking display makes his heart warm
lets be honest, connie and sasha tag along and they don’t hold back every time they see him smile at you
connie springer;
speaking of connie, snowball fights are necessary every winter season with him
it’s all fun and games until connie nails you in the face and then you’re out for blood
you both have forts with stacks of snowballs and you guys could go all day
usually it ends sooner than later since it’s freezing
ends with you two cuddled up inside
mikasa ackerman;
build a snowman with her NOW
she’ll be hesitant at first because just like levi, winter fun doesn’t seem like her thing either
but after seeing how much you’re enjoying it she’ll embrace it
liked dressing it the most, even went as far as wrapping her scarf around it
A/N- it’s a good chapter, I’m proud of it ;) let me know what you thought! Since this is also a cherry au, I’ll say this, this story will not affect Cherry whatsoever!
Warning- Swearing, angst, mentions of alcohol use, LONG CHAPTER! SLOWBURN, talks of death, ptsd and slight mentions of domestic violence
Pairing- Jean Kirstein x reader
(Let me know if you want to me be tagged)
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September Thirtieth. Time: eight twenty-one am. Battery percent fifty-one.
You: I’m sorry about yesterday. Things happened and I couldn’t make it, I wanted to let you know but my phone was dead all day. Can we make it up today?
Jean probably won’t answer anytime soon, or at all, but he needed to know you are genuinely sorry.
He might not believe you. You know you wouldn’t believe it, but from the bottom of your heart you were remorseful. And you truly did plan on making it to tutor him, but things did truly end up happening and you couldn’t go home until the next day.
Hopefully he understands. Even if you aren’t giving him a good reason, the true reason why you weren’t able to go like you agreed.
Since some of you asked for this scene I finally wrote the scene of Jean asking for Mikasa approval
After Chapter 22 and after the first half of chapter 23, so those who haven’t read Cherry, Beware!
“I hope….” He begins to whisper, but pauses as the emotions begin to crawl up his throat. “I hope you don’t mind that I’m the one coming now.”
Jean’s eyes flicker to the bouquets of flowers in hand and then glances at the flowers you had once put in the vases in front of Furlan and Isabel’s graves. Flowers that have been dead for a long time; the petals weren’t even connected to the stems, nor were they littered around the ground, all that was left was a stem that no one bothered to pick up.
So instead Jean picked up the stems off the vases and put them aside to replace the dead stems with new lively and beautiful bouquets from the same vendor you would go to on your way here.
“I hope you don’t mind that it will just be now.” Jean continued as he fixed the flowers so they’d look neat. “It’s—” he sighs and can’t help but let a sad smile tug on his lips. “I look ridiculous talking to a pair of graves….I don’t know how she did it and didn’t laugh….then again,” he swallows thickly and tries to keep the tears in. “It probably felt like the closest thing to getting to talk to the both of you, so I think it’s just weird for me. I’m not used to it…I’m definitely not used to talking to her grave yet….” Jean pauses again and drops his head to try to hide his sniffle from…himself since no one was around to hear him.
“….I hope you treat her nice…I know she’s missed you. I hope you know that I won’t ever stop loving her. Y/N, will always hold a special place in my heart, for as long as I live. So don’t worry.” Jean says in between a soft sob. “Just promise you’ll take care of her until I get there. She tends to be reckless sometimes.” He smiles softly and looks up at both graves before he stands up. “I’ll come visit again. I have other people to go visit, she never wanted anyone to feel left out.”
Jean wipes his tears off his cheeks, and picks up the third bouquet of flowers he had laid on the ground to place a pair of flowers on the graves of the other veteran Scouts you had grown up with. Just like when you would come visit them yourself, when he would accompany you when he could and just watch you patiently.
It felt weird having him doing the rounds all alone now. Especially because he knew you wouldn’t be waiting for him outside the cemetery gates.
No one waited for him. He walked back to the barracks alone.
He sat in the mess hall alone, on the table you’d usually like to sit on with the rest of your friends.
He ate lunch alone in the seat he’d usually take across from you.
Now, he could just ask one of his friends to accompany him for lunch, he could’ve even asked one of them to accompany him to the cemetery, but he didn’t want to bother them, and well…..he wanted to be alone even if the solitude felt painful now that you weren’t here. Now that all he had of you was memories, drawings of you he’d draw in secret sometimes, tracings of bits and pieces of you in the clothes you wore, the books and journals you cherished, the smell of you that still clung faintly in your room and his pillows. Most importantly in the engagement ring he never gave you.
Jean held onto the ring in his pocket everywhere he went, as if he was waiting for a moment to pop the important question.
You were gone now, he couldn’t give the ring to a ghost, nor did he want to leave the ring on your grave and risk having it taken by some wild animal, or some random wanderer. And truth was having the ring with him gave him comfort, just like the necklace around his neck that had your first initial hanging from it. Yeah, you never knew about the ring…unless Sasha or Connie told you….
Yet! If you did know, you’d never be able to keep it down. You’d burst from excitement…or that’s what he hoped you’d feel…
Nevertheless, you wouldn’t be able to keep it a secret that you knew, so he’s assured you didn’t know that he wanted to get engaged.
Now albeit, he regrets not having asked you. Would that have changed your fate? Because if he had asked and you said yes, maybe, just maybe that would have kept you closer, he could’ve kept you safe and helped you. So he wondered, if he had not been some coward and asked the girl he loved to marry him, would that have changed your fate.
That’s all he could do, wonder.
“Jean?” Someone called. He lifts his head off the table and sees Mikasa in front of him with a confused look on her face.
“Are you okay?” She continues to ask.
Jean nods and begins to pick up his empty plates to swing his legs over the bench and wash what he had used.
“Armin was asking for you during lunch,” Mikasa says as she follows him into the kitchen. “Where were you?”
Jean washes his plates first and then turns to answer Mikasa with a bit of dread to this conversation. “I went to the cemetery.”
“Oh.”
Jean proceeds to walk out the kitchen and Mikasa follows, not getting the hint with Jean’s dry response and his avoidance that he didn’t want to talk right now.
“How are you feeling? You missed breakfast too.” She kept trying to talk.
Yet he didn’t want to hurt her feelings by turning her away either so he let her follow him towards the dorms. “I’m doing fine,” he deadpanned, hoping she’d leave him alone after he gave her the answer she seeked.
Yet she kept following him and that only triggered Jean to stop and turn to face her to ask her a question with bluntness. “Is there something you need?”
Mikasa stops a few feet away and quickly looks away as she lifts her scarf. She stays quiet for a few seconds and just further annoys Jean. Not like he felt better when she did answer. “I just wanted to talk about…y/n.”
Jean sighs and his eyes fall to the ground. He didn’t want to talk about you right now. Not because he was tired of having to hear about you, but because it hurt having people talk about you in a past tense knowing you weren’t coming back. It hurt him too much.
He fought through the pain right now though.
“What about?” Jean queried.
Mikasa sighs and gives her answer softly. “I heard from Sasha that you…bought a ring for her.”
It was something stupid to bring up, but Jean didn’t know Mikasa just needed to get out what she had trapped in her chest; all the emotions she kept inside. She needed something happy to talk about or else she’d be too focused on her grief. And maybe what she asked about would make him happy. And well she was curious.
Jean albeit had a hard time dealing with what he felt about the question. He knew off the bat that he didn’t feel overwhelming joy having to talk about the future plans he wanted with you, but he also did feel sort of happy that he can finally speak to someone about the ring.
“I,” Jean pauses and sighs as he almost chooses that he wasn’t going to continue the conversation, but well he did want to talk about you to someone. “I did.”
Jean guided Mikasa towards the balcony at the end of the hall to continue talking there.
“Why didn’t you say it before?” She continued to ask.
Jean propped his hands on the railing and looked down at the ground as he replied. “It was supposed to be a secret. Sasha was the only one who was supposed to know, but she couldn’t keep her mouth shut. Did….y/n know?” He asks as he lifts his eyes to meet Mikasa’s for a brief moment.
“No,” Mikasa assured him. “She never knew, do you really think she’d be able to hide that if she did?” Mikasa laughs softly.
Jean scoffs and an amused laugh escapes his lips. “No she wouldn’t have been able to keep that a secret.”
Mikasa smiles at her hands and Jean looks up at the clouded sky and hears what Mikasa takes a moment to bring up. “Were you planning to ask her soon?”
Jean blinks and shrugs. “I don’t know. I wanted to, but I didn’t know when. I wanted it to be special, with everything going on there was hardly time for that.”
“I don’t think you had to worry, she appreciated every moment.”
“Yeah,” Jean agrees with a smile. “I loved that about her. She was a lot more humble than I could ever be, but I guess…maybe I was a little bit of a coward. I think that’s the main reason. She would have said yes regardless of where I asked. But I still wanted it to be special for her.”
“I understand,” Mikasa mumbles before glancing at Jean and seeing him pull out a small wooden box from his pocket.
He then followed to turn his body and open the box to show her the ring inside.
It was simple to him, but it made Mikasa smile.
“It’s pretty.” She compliments it. “It’s very nice.”
“I wanted to buy her this ring that had the band shaped like a flower stem,” Jean shares. “It had small flowers that had little yellow diamonds in the center, and it had leaves around the main diamond too.” He smiles at the ring and for a second forgets about your death. “But it was too expensive. Do you think she’ll like this one? It’s very small, but I plan on buying something more expensive when I get more money.” He looks up at Mikasa and sees her deep frown, and that’s what reminds him. “I mean do you think she would’ve…nevermind.” Jean closes the box and puts it back in his pocket to turn again and look at the ground to hide his tears.
“Yeah, I think she would’ve loved it,” Mikasa answers the question he never finished asking. “I think you would’ve made her cry.”
Jean scoffs and can’t help his faint smile. He looks at her from the corner of his eyes and his smile stays as he asks his next question. “If she were still here would you have given me permission to propose to your cousin? I mean you’re like overly protective about her so would I have to snuck around and asked her, or would you have let me?”
Mikasa laughs and nods. “She loved you so if that’s what she wanted, yes. I just wanted her to be happy. But,” she says with a teasing smile. “I don’t know if Levi would have given you the same answer, or Hange.”
Jean ignores her comment and shrugs. “You said yes.”
“They really were more protective over her. Imagine if all the veteran scouts were still alive. And her father.”
Jean continues to ignore her. “You said yes.”
“Not the same.”
Jean sighs and avoids that conversation all of a sudden as it hits him again that this talk was stupid since you weren’t here anymore. So instead of talking about something else he walks back and tries to head towards his room instead. “Anyway, I’m going to finish some papers. I’ll see you later, Mikasa.”
Mikasa nods and once he’s gone she sighs and looks at the lonely balcony now that Jean was gone. She expected to be accompanied by Sasha, you, or both, but now neither of you were here to be with her. You were both gone.
So someone just tagged me in this watercolor picrew, and yoo!! I want you guys to imagine that it’s Jean drawing you!!
Do you guys remember when Jean showed Cherry (you) a drawing he draw of you in chapter 19! And he lied and said he doesn’t have more well if you guys want to you can pretend this is a portrait he drew of you! And show me!!
A/N- it’s a good chapter, I’m proud of it ;) let me know what you thought! Since this is also a cherry au, I’ll say this, this story will not affect Cherry whatsoever!
Warning- Swearing, angst, mentions of alcohol use, LONG CHAPTER! SLOWBURN, talks of death, ptsd and slight mentions of domestic violence
Pairing- Jean Kirstein x reader
(Let me know if you want to me be tagged)
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September Thirtieth. Time: eight twenty-one am. Battery percent fifty-one.
You: I’m sorry about yesterday. Things happened and I couldn’t make it, I wanted to let you know but my phone was dead all day. Can we make it up today?
Jean probably won’t answer anytime soon, or at all, but he needed to know you are genuinely sorry.
He might not believe you. You know you wouldn’t believe it, but from the bottom of your heart you were remorseful. And you truly did plan on making it to tutor him, but things did truly end up happening and you couldn’t go home until the next day.
Hopefully he understands. Even if you aren’t giving him a good reason, the true reason why you weren’t able to go like you agreed.
You probably seem like such a bitch, damn.
Fuck.
You exhale quivers and you stop outside some black gates to glance at your phone screen to see if Jean had answered.
But no, only Eren and Furlan messaged you about a hundred times this morning—you’ll answer them after…you visit Marco.
With that thought out, you put your phone away and hesitate a few minutes outside the black metal gates to contemplate walking in. You’ve only visited him once after the accident, exactly a year after because your therapist said you were ready to face the reality of the outcome. You stayed in front of his grave for about five minutes and just stared at it the whole time before leaving. You haven’t returned ever since, it’s been two years since then. And it’s been three years since he died.
Why exactly did you find yourself at the cemetery right now? Well ever since you were in that trippy place, the memories of him have plagued your mind. Walking to the cemetery early in the morning on your way home is the only time you knew you would be able to force yourself to come.
Completely walking in seems harder than it should be though. Albeit you are able to at least walk past the black gates; but the way to his grave seemed like hundreds miles away, like it was out of reach. Like it was at the end of a dark tunnel that didn’t seem to have an end.
Your heart kept insisting you to move, but your mind…the guilt you carried held you back again. No matter how many sessions you’ve had in therapy, no matter how many times people have told you that you weren’t at fault for his death, you haven’t been able to feel anything else but guilt and grief. Three years has not been enough time to process his death or the accident that caused his unfortunate doom. If you’re honest with yourself, it’s felt like you’ve been stuck these past three years. Life has been a dark recurring endless loop, same thing day after day.
You want to break out of that loop that’s kept you trapped, recently you have felt cracks that let light shine through, but you’re still stuck.
Maybe you do need to talk to your therapist again.
Anyhow, you’re already here, standing on the gravel path. You have a bouquet of flowers in your hand, you don’t need to stay for hours, just put the flowers down and maybe talk for a few minutes and then return home. No biggie.
“I can move my legs and walk there,” you say to yourself, “I can do it.” You glance at the white lilies in your hands and then glance at your path ahead. You continue to contemplate for a few more seconds, but you end that hesitation by drawing in a deep breath and slowly releasing it out of your lungs. “I can,” you say one last time before walking towards Marco’s grave in a confidence that slowly began to dwindle the closer you got.
By the time you were facing his grave that confidence was nonexistent, but you got to where you wanted so all you needed right now was courage to speak and take a step closer.
Yet fear paralyzed you. Only your eyes moved to read Marco’s name on the grey stone over and over again, as if you were trying to understand what you were reading. Everything else around you was blurred, letting you just focus on the sight in front of you, but it wasn’t enough. You could barely breathe normally, your legs cramped, they felt like when an arm or a foot fell asleep; and it began to panic you out of fear that you’d relapse and wouldn’t be able to walk again. You wanted to turn back more than anything, but you kept strong and stayed.
You force yourself to relax, and drop that tension from your shoulders and legs to slowly step forward and crouch down to put the bouquet of flowers in a small vase.
Being in front of his grave wasn’t easy whatsoever but you’re trying. However you couldn’t start with what you truly wanted to say, so you just began with something else instead.
“It’s been a while I know.” You sigh and tuck your hands in your coat pockets. “It’s also early, but well, Eric left before I woke up, like it was some one night stand.” You click your tongue and drop your eyes to the green grass and keep quiet for a few minutes before continuing. “I began talking to this guy. Or, well I began tutoring this guy, his name is Jean Kirstein….he’s uh…cute…very,”
You smile and sit down, finding it easy to talk to him only because you were pushing away what was trapped inside your heart.
“He’s a little bit of an ass, but it’s tolerable. I’ve only talked to him for a bit, but he’s….he’s nice. Sweet. I can tell, you know I’m a good judge of character.” You scoff and pull your hands out to drop them on the grass that was a bit wet due to the morning dew that was still on the ground. “But I think I screwed that up. Eric kept me with him yesterday, he….well we spent time together, so I left Jean deserted. I don’t think he’ll talk to me again. I don’t deserve it.” You stop and your eyes flicker to the stone. “I’ll apologize in person tomorrow when I go to school.”
You sigh and frown as you begin to tear the grass blades off the ground. “I know what you’re going to say…I thought you were going to break up with Eric…I was…I think about it everyday. But…” you pause and clear your throat. “Well…maybe I deserve to be with him. It’s not like he makes me feel any less lonely. Honestly I feel more alone when I’m with him, but maybe I deserve that tough love for what….happened…” You pause again and swallow back that thick lump in your throat that began to grow.
Yet it kept coming back up and it made it hard to continue talking. You didn’t have any water with you so you kept swallowing thickly until you couldn’t anymore, you tried to clear your throat, but it wouldn’t work, you couldn’t make yourself speak another word. No matter how much you strained yourself.
Tears are all that manage to form instead of words. Instead of talking you just punch the ground out of frustration. You stand to your feet and step back from the grave, you keep looking at it in hopes you could keep talking but it was too hard, you were getting too choked up, your chest was too tight and your legs shook too much.
So instead you walk away, with each step seeing your eyesight blur more and more with the tears that cloud your eyes. You feel your throat tighten and your chest only get tighter to the point you were having a hard time breathing. You rushed out the cemetery in hopes you’d feel better, but no matter how far you were getting, or how fast you were walking, you felt the same.
Which is why you thought of calling the first person that came to mind, the person that could bring you some peace of mind, but Eren wouldn’t pick up the phone. You kept calling and holding back the tears that just clouded your eyes, but he wouldn’t pick up the phone. You were alone, walking down the street with tears that you held back finally breaking out and streaming down your cheeks, and silent whispers of words finally traveling out of your lips as well. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. It’s all my fault. It’s all my fault.”
You clench a fist and cover your mouth to silent the sob so those few people you passed wouldn’t question you. Your chest felt a little better, letting you breathe a bit better, but overall you felt terrible.
And getting home wasn’t a relief.
“Y/N?” You hear Levi calling you from the living room.
However, you ignore him and put your hood on and quicken your pace to reach your room without having him see you. “Hey, come here we need to talk.”
You keep quiet and hear him following after you at a quick pace.
“Y/N.”
“Leave me alone,” you retort in hopes he’d listen.
Just as you’re about to reach your door, Levi grabs your arm to turn you around and force this talk on you, but you didn’t want him to see that you were crying so you did the best thing you could so he’d leave you alone for sure.
“I said leave me the hell alone!” You exclaim and yank your arm away to open your door and storm inside to then slam the door shut.
When you were inside behind the locked door, you stayed in front of the door to watch his shadow leave so you could walk to the farthest end of your room and just fall on the floor to ball yourself up by hugging your knees against your chest and crying on the ground.
While you’re on the floor, you reach for the necklace you keep insisting you had, but once again it was missing so you just pressed your forehead against your knees and cry until your phone vibrated.
Thinking it was Eren, you grab it to check, but you see Jean’s contact name instead—J: Dont worry about it. I got your priorities. Consider our thing done I don’t tolerate that shit.
You stop crying, but begin to panic again.
You: No Jean, please. I’m sorry—you send him the message right away, and he takes no time to message you back.
J: I can tell you’re not serious about this so I’ll find someone else. It was nice knowing you y/n.
You jump to your feet and feel anger rise and begin to slowly push away the sadness—you: I REALLY AM SORRY, I AM SERIOUS ABOUT THIS—you answer right away.
You: I got caught up and I know that’s a shitty excuse but please believe that I am sorry. I really am. It won’t happen again, so please give me one more chance. Just one more chance. I really want to help you.
A few minutes pass and you impatiently wait by staying on the message page as you pace back and forth. You then drop your ass on the seat in front of your window, letting your orange cat jump onto your lap and snuggle up against you.
When the three little typing dots finally appear on the screen, your heart skips a beat and your stomach twists. You abruptly stand from your seat, causing your cat to fall off—“oops I’m so sorry Mr. Darcy.” You apologize to the orange cat who just walks off to lay on your bed.
Finally Jean’s message arrives and your heart skips again—J: One more but if it happens again I’m dropping you for good.
You grin and squeal, forgetting to take your time and answering him right away—good thing he can’t see me.
You: Thank you!
J: I’m busy after school today, and the rest week so we’ll work on my schedule from now on.
You: That’s good! Thank you!
J: Monday same time.
You mindlessly turn around and walk towards your window as you answer him—You: That’s fine. And I’m sorry again. Have a good day. Xoxo.
You shut your phone off and throw it on the seat to fist pump the air out of pure relief and happiness, in that moment hitting your knuckles on the wood and ending that joy with pain and more frustration. “Oh motherfucking shitting wall. Bitch.”
——
*JEAN’s P.O.V*
You: That’s fine. And I’m sorry again. Have a good day. Xoxo.
“Xoxo? What the hell?” Jean mumbles to himself before he begins to think of what to respond with. Not because he found it hard to think of something to tell you, but he didn’t want to look eager or like what you did was okay. Yet he was curious about your whereabouts and the reason you left him stranded and looking stupid in that booth. It had to be good. For your sake.
But again he didn’t want to seem like he was eager, so instead he just swiped away from the message app and sat on his stool as he began to procrastinate. Finding himself on your Instagram page and seeing you had just posted a picture of the glowing theatre sign, in attempts to be aesthetic.
Is that where you were?! Is that why you left him stranded? You’ve got to be kidding.
Jean stands up and runs his hands through his hair while he swipes back to the message page to complain about your reasons, but as he was going to type a lengthy rant, he stopped himself. If he sent you something complaining about the picture you’d know he was stalking you, so that wasn’t smart. So he left the page and returned to instagram, making sure he was careful not to like the picture and just scroll through his feed until he got bored and turned off his phone to look back at his painting he’s been working on for his upcoming exhibit.
He wasn’t close to done, this painting has taken longer than he expected simply because he’s lacked motivation and imagination. He only chose to paint a certain scenery at school because he found it peaceful and easy. Now though, even if he liked the red he accidently mixed on the canvas, Jean can’t seem to truly be content with his painting.
Painting nature was something simple and serene that most people found beauty in, but how can he be the best with something so simple.
That’s why he stood back and stared at his painting for a long time to try and think of something to do about it. He stared and stared hoping something would come to mind, but nothing hit him but anger out of his own failure.
That anger was quick to rise and it almost made him impulsively tear that canvas. However, right as he was going to stab the paper, a memory hit him that created an idea.
He set the painting back on the easel and backed away with his hands in his hair and his eyes on the painting with a cocky smirk on his face. Now all he felt was motivation and eagerness to work, and those feelings were so overwhelming that he didn’t think twice about the fact that you had brought him that motivation. He was so quick to rework his painting to fit the image in his mind, that the realization that he was creating your eyes out of the nature he had already painted, hit him when he was mixing colors to match your eye color that he remembered vividly. As if he was looking right at it even if all he was basing his reference off of was his memory of you.
He stopped then and turned all red. The idea to stop and just trash the painting was insistent, but what Marco told him once before was more persistent.
“Your motivation is what will keep you going. I say go with it, and who knows maybe something big will be born out of it.”
*YOU. LATER THAT DAY*
Eric: I’m sorry I left so early. I’ll talk with you later.
It’s seven pm now. You left his house at eight in the morning….
“…Y/N…”
At least he remembered to message you.
“Hey….”
Tsk.
“Y/N!”
Something small suddenly hits your head that pulls you out of your thoughts, making you rub your head and complain whilst looking up where it came from. “Ow.”
“It didn’t hurt,” Porco remarks from the top of the ladder. “Pass me that tack.”
You drop your hand and grab a tack from the plastic canister to hand him one before complaining some more. “Why didn’t you just say my name instead of making a mess.” You look up at him pinning on the Frankenstein mask on the styrofoam head, and catch his side eye.
“I did. Three times. You didn’t listen. Move.”
You step back and grab another mask from the box to have it ready for him.
“Besides, it’s not that big of a mess,” he continues to argue.
You groan and lean back on the counter since it was pretty slow at the teashop tonight. “Easy for you to say, you’re not on cleaning duty today.”
Porco rolls his eyes and grabs the last mask off the box even if you had one waiting in your hand.
“Well that’s your own fault for pissing off Levi.” He points out, making your eyebrows scrunch, but not causing you to argue against him.
Rather you pass him a tack after he moves the ladders and climbs them to pin the last mask on the last styrofoam head hanging on the wall. You’re about to comment on the mask in your hand, but you get an idea in mind and walk over to hide behind the bar to put on the mask and call him hiding your caller ID.
Porco picks up quickly out of curiosity to the ‘unknown number’ labeled on the screen, and you stifle your laughter to mock Ghostface’s voice since that’s the mask you’re wearing. “What’s your favorite scary movie?”
There’s silence from Porco so you continue. “You know it’s hazardous picking up the phone—”
He sighs through the phone and hangs up. You chuckle and walk over to him as he’s climbing down.
“Get it?” You ask him whilst you lift your mask over your face to show off your smug grin. “It’s what he says in—”
“Hilarious,” he grumbles with his usual, nonchalant straight face that only makes you laugh more.
“We should watch the movies,” you mention while you turn to close the tack canister. “Maybe you can come over with Marcel and we can have a marathon?”
Porco folds the ladder and carries it back where it belonged.
“Yeah. Sounds cool.” He says once he returns, glancing out the window at the front of the shop and pointing to Eren passing the front doors. “Ten dollars says you’ll scare him.”
You smirk, and lower your mask to run out the side door in the kitchen to beat Eren to your building’s main hall. You then rush to hide in front of the garage door since it was dimly lit and wait for him to walk in.
Once you hear the front door open you jump out without saying anything and scare Eren so much that he screams and yells out a bunch of swears before he throws his phone at you. “FUCKING. BITCH. WHAT THE HELL!”
You catch his phone and catch him running to the stairs out of fear, leaving behind Mikasa at the front door.
“So much for being a hero,” you tease him before breaking into an evil laugh as you lift your mask off your face.
“Nice,” Mikasa compliments you, completely unaffected by your jump scare.
She was even smiling.
Eren steps down the stairs and walks to you to snatch his phone from your hands and look at you with a fuming and annoyed glare. “Aren’t you supposed to be working?” He retorts as he tries to hide how hard he’s breathing.
“I am,” you answer happily. “We decided to put up Halloween decorations early, and well I wanted to have some fun with you.”
Eren huffs and rolls his eyes before walking back to the stairs and throwing you a comment over his shoulder. “You’re annoying.”
Mikasa walks past you and looks back to offer you one last smile.
“I’ll see ya later,” you snap back at him. “Bye Mikasa.” You return to the shop and throw the mask under the register to then high five Porco as he walks by to prepare a tea for a customer. He didn’t need you to tell him that his plan worked, he could read it off your face, and well he heard Eren scream.
The excitement died down after that though. Since it was a slow day there wasn’t much to do but pretend to be busy when a customer would walk in. Overall all you did was wait, make small conversation and watch the clock to wait for closing time.
“Are you going to Reiner’s game tomorrow?” You ask Porco while you wipe the counter.
“Nah,” he says. “I don’t want to. You?”
You shrug. “I’m thinking about it. There’s a party after so I’m thinking of going.”
“Ask Marcel to go with you,” Porco comments as he throws some trash away.
You quickly look over at him to bring up a question that’s been in your mind since Tuesday. “By the way, what did your brother do on Tuesday? I mean it’s rare for him to cancel plans.”
Porco doesn’t face you and walks to the bar without answering. He stays quiet when he returns to the register and makes sure not to face you when he answers. “Who knows.”
You narrow your eyes on him and begin to pick on his strange behavior, but he swiftly changes the subject. “Shops closed, we should clean up and close as soon as we can.”
You hesitate to answer and stay glued to your spot for a few minutes, yet you don’t end up pressing him, you just do as he says and leave that weird tension he seemed to have alone.
——
“And I’m saying come with me.” You press Eren from the kitchen. “You don’t work today, and I’m sure Mikasa would come if you asked!” You drop the pancake on the plate and turn off the stove. “The party will be fun and we won’t have to stay long.”
Eren groans as he walks to the cabinet beside you to grab a plate. “No,” he says bluntly. “Why don’t you ask Marcel? Or Porco?”
You put a pancake on your plate and grab the stack to walk over to the table to sit across Eren’s seat. “I asked Marcel, he’s busy. Again.” You sigh. “Porco doesn’t want to go. Please.” You turn and watch him sit in his seat and set a cup of orange juice beside his plate.
Eren grabs three pancakes and throws them on his plate to then drizzle on syrup before looking up at you and cutting his food all in the meanwhile. “Why would I go to some lame party? Rather stay home. Get high and drunk here with my girl.”
You cut your pancake and begin chewing the piece with anger. “Fine,” you grumble after you swallow the food. “I’ll just go with my other friends.”
Eren scoffs and smirks before pointing at you with his fork. “Which friends?”
You shrug and look down at your food to eat quietly.
“I mean beside me?” He keeps asking. “Or the Galliard brothers?”
You begin to play with your food and think of an answer, but not a single name comes to mind. No matter how hard you think, you didn’t have a genuine friend to mention. How sad was that.
“Historia,” you mumble and shove food in your mouth.
Eren laughs and harshly cuts the food on his plate before answering. “Sure. You know—”
“I know what you’re going to say,” you cut him off. “So why don’t you just choke on your food.”
She’s not really a friend. She’s only an attention seeker. She’s just using you for attention. Blah, blah.
Eren huffs and instead hides his smile behind his hand so as to not further piss you off. You on the other hand just pick up your phone and think of inviting Jean just because he’s the only person you thought of that wasn’t like Historia in Eren’s eyes, but he most likely wouldn’t even answer back after what you did, so that’s a no. Instead you click on Porco’s contact to message him, hoping he’d answer.
You: No to the football game but how about just the party?
You wait for him to answer and eat your food without talking to Eren. You blatantly ignore him and serve yourself another pancake, smiling sweetly at Furlan who joined you for breakfast.
Furlan notices the tension but he knows not to question it, he just eats his breakfast in silence until you direct him a question. “How’s work been?”
“Can’t complain, it’s been okay,” he answers. “How’s school?”
You shrug. “I’m passing by.”
Furlan looks over at Eren and asks him the same question, but you tune out his answer as Porco answers back—Porco: Fine. Let me know when to pick you up.
*LATER*
“You know I’m owed something for coming to Braun’s party.” Porco tells you as he gets out of the car.
You open the car door and while you’re getting out, you can’t help but admire the nice house by the beach he lives in. It wasn’t big, but it was newly built and designed in a modern way with huge windows and white exteriors.
“Did he even win his game?”
“Yeah,” you say whilst you shut the car door and run to join Porco’s side on the grass. “Imagine if he didn’t and he had people over?” You grin and he smirks at the thought whilst you both walk to the front door.
“Some lame pity party is what would happen I imagine. Who makes a party before knowing you’ll win?”
You giggle. “He does.”
Porco grins and pushes your arm. “I bet you’re the first person he invited. What did he say?”
“Oh, yeah,” you laugh and pull out your phone to show him the screenshot. “Look.”
Porco leans towards you and can’t help but let out a teasing chuckle at Reiner’s invitation. “I’d be happy if you came, y/n. You’d make the night better. Winky face.” He laughs harder and throws his head back as you open the front door, letting the music playing inside escape out the door and instantly overwhelm your hearing. Yet all you could do was laugh with Porco as you both walked inside Reiner’s house.
Albeit just as you’re making your way inside, Reiner comes to greet you both with a wide grin. “Y/N. Porco, you guys came!”
Porco clears his throat and nods all seriously, but you see the corner of his lips twitching as he tries not to laugh. You have to bite your cheek since seeing Reiner, and then seeing Porco wanting to laugh made you want to burst out laughing.
“Yeah,” you tell Reiner with a wobbly smile. “Couldn’t miss it. Congratulations by the way, on the win. I’m sorry I couldn’t go.”
“I saved our team last minute with a touchdown,” he shows off with pride. “You should’ve seen me. I was fast.” He smirks at you and Porco has to look away so as to not laugh in his face.
“I’ll catch a reel from someone.” You assure him with a smile that spreads to a grin. “We should go get some drinks now while you…greet your guests.”
“Right!” Reiner shouts. “Right! Again,” he says without looking away from you. “I’m glad you came. I’ll talk to you later.” He begins to walk past you, but stops and turns on his heels to say one last thing. “There’s some drinks that I bought especially for you. Lemonade. Soda. Water. Those little juices that come in pouches? Again, I’m glad you came.”
You grin at him and right when you’re going to answer, Porco says a witty comment. “I mean how can someone so special miss…this? Right? It’d ruin the night. Don’t you think?”
Cluelessly Reiner agrees with Porco in an attempt to flirt with you. “It’d ruin my night.” Without anything else to add, Reiner walks off and leaves you and Porco looking at each other all serious and quiet before you both break into a hearty laugh.
However, as Porco and you made your way to grab drinks in the kitchen laughing your asses off, you missed Jean walking to the living room.
He noticed you the moment you walked in though. You were hard to miss after all. In that tight black dress that you mostly covered with a red sweater that had fur around the low neckline and the end of the sleeves. Now he couldn’t say he was waiting for you, he didn’t know if you’d actually come, but he had looked at the door the exact moment you walked in with that guy. Now he seemed to feel curious over you being here.
He wanted to go to you and demand an answer for your whereabouts yesterday, but he didn’t want to look ridiculous in front of the guy you’re with. So he just let you be and walked to the living room with his friends instead.
“Oh,” you suck in air, “that’s strong, smell it.” You push the cup of some red drink to Porco’s nose and he pulls back in disgust to the strong smell. “What is this?”
“Poison. Don’t drink it.” He remarks and instead grabs himself a beer and hands you a red cup with lemonade. “Let’s go out back where this music isn’t hurting my damn ears.”
Going to the backyard was a tactic to get away from the music and crowd gathering around the drinks, but it was a mistake in the way that your friends were out there. Of course you knew you’d see them, but the moment they saw you, they began to flock around you with some giddy and loud greetings. Historia failed to greet you like the rest, but she didn’t fail to hug you and smile at you. Ymir on the other hand, hung back and just waved lazily at you.
“Where’s your twin brother Porco?” Ymir begins to tease Porco.
Said man scoffs at her reference to Marcel and answers with disdain. “Not here.” He takes a drink from his cup and makes sure to look away from her to throw her a remark. “He’s not my twin. I won’t remind you again.”
You smirk at his response but hide your reaction by looking away and drinking your lemonade.
In that exact moment you did is when you caught Jean Kirstein walking out of the house. He didn’t look over to where you were standing with your group of friends, he seemed busy drinking and talking to two people you’ve seen at school; the brunette girl was even in one of your classes, Sasha you think her name is.
Now you should’ve looked away the moment you caught him, but you let your eyes linger on him, on his black leather jacket he layered over a burgundy turtle neck shirt sweater, you focused on his hair styled back, on his smile—Damn he has a nice smile….
Your heart began to race, but you ignored that feeling and just watched him walk to the bonfire by the beach until Historia began talking to you.
The conversation wasn’t that interesting though, but you still paid attention. The party also wasn’t as entertaining, the music did play loudly from inside the house, the backyard was decorated nicely with hanging lights and torches, Reiner had some good food, but the crowd was pretty bored. No one danced, they just talked amongst themselves inside the house and the backyard. It was until the Dj arrived that the crowd seemed to wake up, but you can’t say they were that hyped over the music so soon, at least not until everyone was drunk or high enough to let loose.
You wished to be part of the crowd dancing along to the music, but Porco said he couldn’t look ridiculous amongst the crowd, no matter how many people were dancing, so you had to watch them have their fun instead. But that got boring too.
“I’m going to get a refill of my drink,” you tell Porco but don’t wait for him to answer and walk off to the kitchen to get more limonade. After you close the back door, the music that played outside didn’t penetrate inside the house whatsoever, it let the music playing inside sound freely and without getting mixed up.
And honestly the music playing inside was better. Once you refilled your cup that same music tempted you towards the living room where it played and where more people danced along to it. Unbeknownst to you whilst you walked towards the archway that led to the living room, Jean passed by behind you; the moment he caught you walking away he changed directions and quietly began following behind you like a lurking shadow.
He wanted to talk to you now that you weren’t being followed, but the moment you stopped to watch those dancing, he caught the man you came with heading towards you. Instead Jean passed beside you, catching your attention and making you stand up straight to watch him walk away instead. Now you were the one that wanted to follow him to apologize, but Porco found you inside before you could.
“You were gone too long, I couldn’t stand them alone.” He complained, causing your eyes to shift away from Jean’s retreating figure and focus on Porco standing beside you.
“It happens,” you say with a teasing smile before turning your body completely to face him with a grin. “Let’s dance.”
Porco shakes his head and looks away from you. “Nope. I’m not Marcel. Go find someone else.”
You set your cup down on a nearby counter and rush to grab Porco’s arm to keep insisting for at least one song. “Come on! Just one song and then we can, I don’t know, leave or go play that cup game they’re playing in the other living room!”
Porco’s stubborn though. “No.”
You sigh, but smirk rather quickly when you think of a way to get him to comply. “Just one dance. Or what, do you not know how?”
Porco’s eyes slide to look at you and he huffs. “I do.”
“It doesn’t seem like you do since you’re here standing all stiffly. You know if it’s skill you lack I can teach you, or Marcel can. But I did always think that twins all know the same thing since you know they’re like connected.”
“Shut up.” He hissed. “Marcel sucks at dancing. And we’re not twins!” He sets his beer down and without saying anything he grabs your hand and pulls you towards the living room where the others danced along to the music.
He stops near the edge of the crowd so he wouldn’t be squished, he grabs both of your hands to start leading you to the beat of the music that’s playing. He kept looking down at his feet the entire time to make sure he wouldn’t step on you though. And that gesture made you giggle.
On contrary to his statement he didn’t know how to dance along to the music, but you didn’t care, you were going with the moment, you were happy he danced with you after saying he wouldn’t because you knew he’d stick to his word if he really, truly wanted to. Yet he got out of his way to dance with you.
However, when the song changed to a more upbeat one that made you dance apart, he stopped and mouthed “let’s go,” since he really didn’t know. But you grabbed his hand as he was walking away and pulled him back.
Porco stayed standing stiffly and just watched as you let go of his hands and began showing him a move. At first he wasn’t going to try, but he groans and copies you.
Seeing him trying made you beam at him, and upon seeing that you began to dance a little faster and step forward expecting him to move back, Porco stumbled towards you instead.
Porco instantly felt apologetic and embarrassed but you laughed it off. He then wanted to walk away, but you grabbed his arm to hook yours with him and swiftly turn him around. He seemed hesitant and lost, but you did it again and rather than walking off he did the same move a bit faster and more repeatedly, completely making you laugh and forget the others around you and every other problem that loomed in your head.
Porco seemed to notice the tension off your shoulders and pulled away to continue dancing with you a bit more freely and a bit more “ridiculously”; you both spun together and apart. He began to let go of that bashfulness he held onto and began to enjoy himself with you. After some time you both began to do your own thing as you laughed together and just had fun dancing; he grabbed your hands and pulled you towards him to dance that way, he pulled away and you just enjoyed each other’s company.
Ultimately you both did stop though, but you had your fun so you didn’t mind anymore.
“We can leave now,” you tell him in between pants. “If you want.”
Porco chugs water and sets the empty bottle down to lock his eyes with yours and show you his disapproval before he speaks it. “No. We’re doing the cup game before. I danced with you, you’re doing that with me.”
“I don’t drink,” you remind him.
He scoffs and shrugs in a cocky manner. “We’ll do the shot at the end. Whoever loses takes a shot, you can fill your cups with cranberry juice or something sour, I don’t care. We’re playing.”
“Only if I can take a shot of something that’s not alcohol,” you keep insisting. “Or else I won’t play.”
Porco nods. “I know that. We’ll play by your rules.”
You smile and without anything else to discuss you both walk over to the other living room where the game was being played, and see Historia and the host were done losing. He noticed the two of you and made sure to loudly point you out. “Porco, y/n! Wanna play!”
“Yes!” You exclaim for Porco. “But—”
“No buts y/n, rules are rules,” Historia cut you off with a sly smile on her lips that made you smile slowly. “Four shots if the losing team doesn’t flip the cups in time.”
She knew of your no drinking rule, and played as if she didn’t know all too deviously. Which is why she suggested that version of the game instead.
“Fine,” you say confidently even if you didn’t like the ideas and wanted to back out, but couldn’t since she’d start shit.
Historia’s smile widens, but you know it’s fake and out of discontent she didn’t want to show. That’s why she bats her eyelashes and sighs as she walks around Reiner to be closer to you.
“Porco,” you say and begin walking to the other side of the table to be across from her. “Let’s win.”
“No,” Historia protests, “he’ll be with me. You can team up with…” she pauses and glances around the people gathered around and lands her eyes on someone behind you. “You. You wanted to play right?” She asks as she props her hands on the table and leans towards the person walking to your side. “Let’s play.” Her eyes shift to you and she smirks a mischievous smirk. “You’ll be a team player right, y/n?”
You sigh and hold her gaze to nod with a smirk of your own. “Let’s play.”
Historia leans back and looks to Ymir so she can place new cups and fill them with sour non-alcoholic drinks, and fill the shot glasses with some cheap tequila. You were too busy passing looks with Porco that you didn’t notice who your partner was until Porco was moved away.
And it’s when you turn your head away from Historia that you notice that she had picked Jean Kirstein to be your partner. Now you got all nervous all too quickly.
You didn’t show it though, you smiled at him and broke your silence. “Hey, Kirstein.”
“Y/N,” he says bluntly.
You smirk and fold your arms over your chest. “We’re not losing, you know that right.”
Jean holds your gaze with this serious look that makes you feel a bit flustered—“No,” he agrees. “We’re not.”
Neither of you look away and you ease your feelings with a smug smile. After that Historia breaks the interaction to begin playing.
Jean started for your team, and Porco started for his. At first Jean was having trouble flipping the cups over on the edge of the table after he would chug his drink. As soon as he got to the last cup, Porco had already finished his drink; he was only trying to flip the cup over to let Historia start her part as the cups got instantly refilled for the next player to go.
“Come on Jean. Come on,” you whisper as you hover too close beside him; to the point your chest was inches from his arm. “HURRY AND DRINK IT!” You shout out of crippling anxiety.
Jean whips his head towards you and points to his filled cheeks and mumbles something with his mouth all full, before setting the cup down to try and flip it over. You press your chest against his arm to watch him struggle, the stress over the game making your nails puncture small crescent shaped cuts in your palms.
However, Jean managed to flip his cup over first by just two seconds. But it was enough for you to run to the other end of the table to start your turn.
Now is when the atmosphere changed to a more eager and excited energy amongst the crowd around the table since Historia and you were facing off now. It made your palms begin to sweat since you felt pressured, and the feeling of Jean watching you, and the sound of him encouraging you to drink your first cup faster made your heart pound since you didn’t want to make him lose because you sucked.
“Come on! Come on!” He yelled before speaking quieter, “you can do it!”
You flip the first cup over successfully and rush to chug the second one. The drink burns your throat, but you surpass it and chug as Historia catches up—and it continues to be a close game even to the last cup.
Now the crowd got louder and you only got more nervous. You chugged the last drink and stole glances at Historia as you both drank the drink until the last drop. She however finished first and set her cup down before you could. She began to try and flip her cup over and you finished the drink on her second failed attempt.
Jean’s breath kept brushing the back of your neck as he watched you quietly and nervously from behind. It made goosebumps grow on your arms, and made it harder for you to try and flip your cup over since he stood so close.
It was hard concentrating mostly because you wanted to well….turn to tell him to step back so his cologne didn’t keep wafting up your nose and completely hypnotize you.
“You can do it. You can do it,” he whispered louder.
“Jean!” You remarked, earning a quiet sorry.
You fix your cup after your third failed attempt, and hold your breath to flip it over. This time the cup landed correctly before Historia could do it.
You didn’t register your win until Reiner announced it. “Y/N, and Jean won!”
A grin slowly spreads on your lips and without thinking you jump up and down happily before squealing and turning to embrace Jean.
He doesn’t think of what was going on so he hugs you back and you both jump together to celebrate your win.
“We won! We won!” You continue with excitement.
As if an instinct, or as if you’ve done it hundreds of times you pull away to face one another, and begin circling one another to share a moment of compliments.
“It’s all because of you!” You say with a grin. “You won us this!”
“No,” Jean rebuttals with a smile and points to you. “It was all you y/n. You did good. You were the one that didn’t hold in your drinks like me.”
You laugh and shrug. “What can I say?”
Jean scoffs lightheartedly and then smirks. “Team effort,”
“We work great together,” you finish for him.
Just as Jean is going to say something else, Historia clears her throat and stops your circling so Jean and you could face her and Porco. “Rematch?”
“No,” Porco protests without letting you speak. “I can’t drink anymore. Two was enough.”
“Aww come on,” Historia says in a sweet voice. “We’ll switch partners and I’ll work with Jean.” She makes sure to look at you when she says his name.
“No,” you breathe out with a fake smile. “It’s okay. We should go anyway.” You look at Jean and offer him a genuine smile. “Good game Kirstein.”
Historia doesn’t fight that and lets you both go with a goodnight.
Once you’re far from the crowd you pat Porco’s shoulder and ask about his current state. “How are you feeling? Want to wait in your car for the alcohol to pass?”
Porco smirks and shakes his head. “Nah, Reiner made sure not to pour any alcohol in my shots. Historia might be stumbling though.”
There’s silence for a moment before you both laugh at the thought as you walk towards his car.
The rest of the car ride was just as lighthearted. None of the problems that filled your head made themselves known for the entire car ride. It was nice. Not worrying over what you held onto, and over Eric.
If only for the night. It made you happy, especially since you had someone else so present in your mind.
*TWO DAYS LATER*
Usually, on the weekends the time you had was for working all day in the teashop, and what was left of the rest of the day was for yourself to catch up on homework.
Eric didn’t like the idea of you working all day on the weekends, but you liked working from opening and to close to keep yourself busy and keep him at a distance. He usually didn’t like coming in because of Levi. On the rare occasions Eric did come to visit you he avoided Levi at all costs and made his visit short.
Today, thankfully, he didn’t pay you a visit, he sent you text throughout the day miraculously, but he chose to see you on Monday instead. He did take forever to respond so it was hard to talk when you could sneak your phone out, or catch a break.
However, whilst on your last minutes of your ten minute break, instead of getting a late answer from Eric, you received a message from Jean.—J: hey
You smile and crouch further down to a horrible posture to answer back—you: what?
Jean doesn’t take long, but it also seems he doesn’t want to answer right away. Even if you could see he read it immediately.
J: For tomorrow do you wanna go somewhere else?
You: If that’s what you want. I don’t mind.
You grab an apple slice and begin to munch on it as he answers back—J: Fine we’ll go somewhere else. Where do you want to go?
You lower your phone and think hard of a place, but nothing comes to mind except for a one lame one.
You: we can go to my parents place, they’re gone for the month so the house is alone. If you want, of course.
Jean answers right away with for reassurance—J: are you sure that’s okay. I don’t want to get you in any trouble with your folks.
You: they won’t mind. They encourage me to visit home anyway, so.
You: But could I ask if you can give me a ride there?
J: No problem
You grin at your phone whilst you take a peek at your watch around your wrist, and stand up when you notice you have to go back—you: Thank you :)
You wait a few seconds for him to reply, but he ends up taking too long and you have to go back so you shut your phone off to shove the phone in your aprons pocket. Albeit, right when you were going to throw it in, suddenly you’re snapped back to that weird place you were at the beginning of the week.
It’s the same sand hills that laid out for miles upon miles. As you looked up out of panic, the same twinkling stars shone over your head, and when you looked behind the same white tree stood in the center of the beautiful yet scary abyss. And also like last time, you were alone.
This time instead of walking towards the tree that had wanted to suck you in last time though, you stayed put in your spot and just panicked from where you stood frozen.
Now, it was easier to note the fact that you couldn’t feel cold, or hot, the temperature was oddly just alright. As silent as it was, it wasn’t a deafening silence that let you hear everything inside your body, or the watch around your wrist. The silence was peaceful, comforting.
The only reason you were fearful was because you didn’t know why you kept being put here when it seemed no one else went through the same thing. It was just you alone in this strange place.
It could be a very relaxing place if it wasn’t for the fear that you were going crazy, and….for the fact that the streaks in the night sky began to glow brightly. The lighting seemed to ripple too and it moved forward towards the tree, making the white hue glow brighter.
The sight was captivating until you began to hear whispers. They were quiet, not distinguishable, but they seemed to come from the tree.
Alas you began to step towards it as if entranced by the voices you heard, but suddenly you were thrown back to reality. Despite that though, when you caught the time in your watch, the hands were pointing to the same time as before. No time passed. The second hand just continued to tick this time.
How fucking weird.
“Y/N,” Levi calls from the front of the break room, breaking you from your trance. “Ten minutes are up….and Uri called me.”
You put your phone away and turn to face him without giving away the fear of what just happened. You just huffed at his comment and responded with a grumble as you walked towards him. “Did he now? He didn’t bother to call me.”
“You wouldn’t answer, that’s why he called me.” Levi grumbles back and follows behind you. “So please stop letting me be your messenger and talk to your father.”
You roll your eyes and sigh, “fine I’ll answer his texts. Sorry about that.”
Before you could return to the counter, Levi stops you to add something not on topic. “I was hoping we could talk too. I don’t work tomorrow. How about we grab something to eat and talk after you’re done tutoring that guy? If that’s something you’re still doing.”
Your eyes flicker to the ground and you begin fiddling with your fingers. You answer with honesty even if you sounded like you dreaded this conversation. “I still do, he gave me a last chance…but I’m going to hang out with Eric…” you cut yourself off there and keep your back facing him, hearing his feet shift and knowing that he was upset over the news.
“It’s okay,” he assures you softly, hiding the sadness in his voice so you couldn’t hear it, but you did and it made you regret bringing up Eric—“we can try some other time. Right?”
You look at him over your shoulder and offer him a sweet smile that’s accompanied with an agreeing nod, and words. “Of course.” You can’t look at him any longer without feeling your heart crack so you turn and return to work.
Unlike Uri and Kenny, Levi held a special place in your heart. When they weren’t with you, he was, every single time, and you’ve been shit to him.
Unlike your fathers, you never wanted to lose your relationship with Levi, you fought so hard to keep him from hating you, even if he was disappointed in you, even if you fought, even if you’ve tried to please Eric by turning your back on Levi, you haven’t once attempted to lose your relationship with him. No matter how rocky your relationship was with Levi. So it hurt having to choose Eric over him, you hated that Eric put you in this position, you hated him.
But you couldn’t bring yourself to leave him either.
Not even if it feels like you’re losing Levi because of Eric. Losing him to the point of no return.
And if you lost Levi….
——
‘1 New Message from J. Delivered 7 hours ago.’
“…No, I haven’t gone home. But I’m going to go there to tutor a friend, is that okay?” You ask Uri over the phone as you throw yourself on the bed after you finish showering and taking an hour to relax.
“You’re tutoring someone?” He asks almost in excitement. “That’s nice. You didn’t say.”
You scoff, “well yeah. You announced you were going on a month-long business trip that same day I got assigned. I got distracted by your lack of acknowledgement, dad.”
“No need to be so hostile over your daddy, y/n!” You hear Kenny tell you in the background, causing you to scrunch your nose and stick your tongue out in disgust over his choice of word. “We were gonna tell you. We got distracted and you got all cold-shouldered like usual.”
“I am sorry about that, little girl,” Uri continues to add on to Kenny’s statement. “We should’ve mentioned it before. But don’t worry it is a business trip. We will be back on the first.”
Your brown cat lies on your chest and you have to push her to your stomach so you could breathe properly, and make sure to reply with resentment. “That’s what you said last time….and you left for five years,” you whisper and pull your phone away from your ear to put him on speaker and answer back to Jean.
“I am sorry,” Uri repeats himself.
J: so what are you up to today?
You smile and reply to him whilst also talking to your father—You: I was working sorry.
“So how is it going?”
Uri sighs and answers right away. It makes you imagine his smile over your simple question. “Boring. But your father is helping cure that boredom with his spontaneous attitude.”
You snicker and smile faintly at the phone. “I bet he is. Just please don’t let him bring home some child. I’m fine being an only child.”
“You’re enough of a headache,” Kenny remarks with a teasing chuckle. “Can’t handle anymore.”
You roll your eyes and Uri laughs, whilst your phone buzzes as Jean’s message comes in—J: oh sorry I didn’t know.
You: but that’s what I’ve been up to. Working.
Jean answers right away—J: Can’t imagine you in a apron and a tray in hand. Truly a sight to see
You laugh and Uri and Kenny think it’s because of them.
“Maybe next time you can tag along!” Kenny shouts, causing Uri to snap back with only his name and a whisper you didn’t catch.
“Kenny….”
Not like you minded, you were busy responding to Jean—You: Well you’ll have to come on Thursday so you can see for yourself ;) I look good in my apron.
“Well sweetheart, we have to leave you. Goodbye, we’ll talk soon.” Uri says and you mindlessly answer back.
“‘Kay bye, I love you.” You hang up the phone and read Jean’s message without thinking of what you said.
J: Only if it’s on the house and you serve me :)
You scoff but smile.
You: come and we’ll see.
J: I will. You have my word, I want to see you
J: see you working
J: I mean see you work because you’re rich you know
Uhh no.
Before you can reply he calls you instead.
“I mean I want to see if it’s true that you work and you just don’t sit there and look pretty all day.”
Pretty? Hmm. I’ll take it.
“Oh.” You smirk and sit up. “I see. So you want to see me look pretty all day?”
There’s silence for a second before he scoffs and just plays it off cool. “You know what I meant.
“Yeah,” you laugh. “I did. So what have you—” you cut yourself off when suddnely you hear Eren’s door slam shut. It makes some things in your room rattle and shake after impact, and it gets you a bit startled but you weren’t brave enough to be curious over his anger.
You’ve learned just to let him steam off when that happens, so you continue to talk to Jean. “….sorry about that, something scared me. Anyway! What have you been up to?”
“I didn’t work today so just working on school work and trying to learn off your notes.” He mentions. “Overall besides that I’ve been just relaxing when I can. How was work?”
Your heart races, and butterflies flutter in your stomach at that question. The simplicity of the question however also leaves you so baffled that you take a moment to answer back. “Uh, it was work. I don’t really mind working, besides my friend works with me today, so it was fun. That’s not including the gross old men that like to ogle and flirt with me.”
Jean huffs and understands your anger. “Spit in their drinks. That’s what they get for being creepy.”
You chuckle and shake your head. “I’m sure it’s something they’d like so maybe cat fur is a nice add on. Or something gross, so they can stop coming.”
“Snot. Cat fur will only get free meals.”
There’s silence before you completely let out your laugh over his comment. “…yeah…” you say between laughs. “That’d be gross enough. And easy enough to hide. I’ll try it, thanks for the idea.”
Jean softly laughs with you and when you’re both quiet he doesn’t hesitate to continue speaking. Only, it’s to end a nice call. “Well y/n, I’ll let you relax. I’m sure you want that. I have to finish some homework and I can’t concentrate when I’m talking with you. We’ll talk tomorrow okay?”
You sigh and nod as if he can see it. “Yeah. Good night Jean.”
“Goodnight y/n.”
——
The next day passed quickly. Before you knew it you found yourself walking to the place Jean and you agreed to meet up in the morning, alongside Eren who was walking in the same direction.
Albeit no words were passed, he was even quiet all morning. It was something everyone noted at breakfast.
“Eren,” you say, “are you okay? You’ve been quiet.” You would’ve mentioned yesterday, but that would only bother him so you leave that out and wait for an answer.
Which he doesn’t give until you’re out of the courtyard and heading towards the parking area.
“Yep.” He deadpans whilst he pulls his hair back to a low sloppy bun. “You’ll be home later?”
You blink and drift your eyes away from him to check the spot where you needed to go, seeing Jean already there. “I won’t get home until later. I’m tutoring Jean at my parents place, and then I’m going to hang out with Eric. Why?”
“Just wondering. You never say where you’ll be, what if something happens,” he argues bitterly, making you stop in your step and forcing him to come to a slow stop to turn back and continue talking. “Don’t you ever consider other people’s feelings? You’re always just up in your head thinking over your abusive ass boyfriend, you never know what’s happening around you.”
You instantly drop your curiosity and begin to worry over his current state, and you’re quick to get angry over what he said. “Look if you’re pissed Eren, you don’t take it out with me.” You spat and point to him as you take a step towards him. “I don’t know what’s up your ass, but you do not talk to me like that.” You look up at him up and down and see that he barely even tried to look presentable. He just threw on the first thing he saw and ran with it. That always meant something.
Or nothing at all. You couldn’t really tell with him like Mikasa can—maybe it’s her. Maybe they’re fighting. He always gets so upset when they’re at odds.
Still, you can’t imagine why he’d be this upset.
“So why don’t you go steam off and talk to me when you’re cool,” you continue and drop your hand whilst you step away. “Why don’t you just take the day off work and go home.”
Eren rolls his eyes and throws his hood over his head to then walk off without a word. You watch him retreat to his car for a minute until his figure gets lost in between cars. You’re hesitant to let him leave with your conversation left as it was, but you also know if he’s still angry, nothing would be solved, there would just be more anger. So instead you walk off to meet up with Jean who instantly had something to say over the conversation he witnessed.
“You okay?” He asks as his eyes seem to go to the sea of cars where Eren had walked off to.
You sigh and nod. “Yeah. It’s just…Eren being a pain in my ass.”
“You know him?” Jean continues to ask while he walks you towards his vehicle.
“Hmm,” you hum. “Very well.”
Jean peers back at you after not catching the sarcasm in your voice. “Oh.”
“Anyway,” you yawn, “you got the address I sent right?”
“Hmm.”
Without adding anything else, you get to his car and that ride was quiet too. It seemed everyone just didn’t feel like talking so much today. Right when you felt alright about the day; Eric was being responsive, none of your friends said anything to annoy you. Your parents didn’t call like they said they would, but over all things were looking out today. Eren’s attitude almost ruined it, but you ignored what he said and just kept trying to let today be an okay day.
“Damn! This is much bigger up close,” Jean muses while he slowly makes his way towards the front door behind you.
Of course you don’t have anything to comment over his impression, so you wait for him inside when you open the door, and insert the security passcode.
“I think…” Jean whispers when he finally steps inside the cold house that began to light up as you continued to walk towards the library. “I’d get lost in here….”
You scoff and smile. “Yeah. I did a few times when I was young.” To avoid having him get anymore distracted, you just avoid giving him a tour of the house and keep him in the library.
“Hey,” Jean finally talks to you instead of just thinking out loud. “So do you have a theater room in this house?”
You look over at him and catch his faint smirk playing on his lips while his eyes seem to glow from his excitement over the house—“no,” you disappoint him. “My dad Kenny says that tv rots your brain so he doesn’t have tvs in the house beside my room, and the living room for when guests come over. He does have cool arcade games though.”
Jean raises a brow over what you said but smiles nonetheless. “Cool. Cool.” He takes his leather jacket off and places it over his seat before continuing with a small smirk. “So you aren’t going to give me a tour of this place?”
You huff, but can’t keep your smile away as you take off your own coat and sit in your own seat to pull out your stuff. “Depends on how you do. If you promise you’ll do good, I just might.”
Jean flashes you a sly grin, but doesn’t respond with anything on what you said, he just sits down and copies what you do to start the tutoring session. And it seems that he really wants that tour, or he just wants to really learn what he needs because he was focused for most of the session, there were times where he began to annoy you and vice versa, but he seemed to be calm this time unlike last time. It was nice.
“You did good,” you compliment him as you shut your computer and look over to him doing the same. “You catch things quickly.”
Jean smirks and answers a bit smugly. “Yeah well, what can I say? I’m smart. I mean I got into the school didn’t I?”
“Yeah,” agree quietly and finish putting away the rest of your stuff to finally bring up something you’ve been meaning to mention. “Jean. I want to apologize for Wednesday.” You exhale slowly and avert your gaze whilst you try to hold yourself from fiddling with your hands. “Uh, I was a complete asshole for flaking on you the way I did.” You swallow thickly and completely drop your gaze even if you could feel his on you. “I didn’t want to, but…uh, things came up, my phone died and I couldn’t make it or let you know. I’m sorry.” You scoot forward in your seat and slowly drift your eyes up to look at him. “Also thank you for giving me a second chance. I do really want to help you.”
Jean scoffs and nods. You think it’s because he’s going to laugh in your face and pick up that you’re lying, but he doesn’t. “Stop saying thank you. You said it hundreds of times already. Once was enough, and uh…” now he averts his gaze, but stays with his body on the edge of his seat. “Even if I can’t say I’m okay with what you did, I do accept your apology. So you can quit apologizing, and let’s just move on, okay?”
You smile and nod with genuine relief and joy. “Thank—okay.”
A/N- I hope you guys like this chapter! Thank you for all the love in the first chapter!!
Warning- SLOWBURN, Angst, fluff, long chapter.
Pairing- Jean Kirstein x reader, Reiner Braun x reader
Episode- 1x04 (so this does include only minimal spoilers!)
(Let me know if you want to be tagged)
————
Your knock echoes inside the room once and you remain still and quiet to wait for a response. Once you don’t get one you decide to lift your fist again to knock once more, but before you could urge to be let in, the door swings open and you see Levi walking back to his desk.
“I don’t know why you insist on waiting for me to open the door. Just come in after one knock.” He complains to you while he keeps his eyes on his paperwork and sits back on his chair.
“Well,” you shrug whilst you step inside and shut the door gently behind you. “I don’t know what you could be doing in here. I’m just being respectful.”
A/N- :) Since this is also a cherry au, I’ll say this, this story will not affect Cherry whatsoever!
Warning- Swearing, angst, THERE IS A SCENE THAT HAS DOMESTIC ABUSE! Please be careful before reading! mentions of alcohol use and drug use, SLOWBURN.
Pairing- Jean Kirstein x reader
(Let me know if you want to me be tagged)
————
“Eric,” you call from the end of the street.
Said man instantly lifts his head and right away that angry look lit furiously in his grey eyes makes your heart begin to race, it makes you slow down your pace so as to not reach him so fast, it makes you tense and go unaware if Jean had actually left.
He didn’t. He stayed in his car that was hidden under the shadow of a tree. He was watching out of curiosity since you looked so frightened all of the sudden.
“Y/N,” Eric says with a huff. “Where the hell have you been?” He walks around his car to meet you at the edge of the sidewalk. “I’ve been waiting for you for hours! It’s fucking cold out here.”
Yeah because that really matters.
You swallow thickly and ignore your disbelief over his stupid question. “I was waiting for you at my parents house. Like we agreed.”
Eric feigns a laugh as he drops his head and nods before stepping towards you when you reach his side of the sidewalk in front of the Teashop. “Do you really think I’m going to believe that?” He lifts his head and his eyes land on you with a serious upset frown on his face. “I told you I was going to pick you up here! And you wouldn’t come out!”
You scoff and pull your head back in disbelief. “You never called! And you never texted me! We agreed yesterday that we would meet up over there because I was going to be there. You left me there. I had to walk back home.” You lied on that last part and hoped that he wouldn’t catch it for Jean’s sake. “I tried calling, I tried texting and you never answered me.”
Eric scoffs and takes another intimidating step towards you. “Well, you must’ve been busy with whoever you were with today because I did send you a message in the afternoon about my change of plans.”
Your eyebrows furrow and the anger that had swept in and mixed with the fear was now also seeming to be mixed with disbelief over how he sounded, because you never received such a message; you would’ve known if he did. And! Why is it his first instinct to accuse you of being with someone else…
You were this time, but it still made no sense how insecure he was.
“If you sent me a message Eric please let me see it,” you stand your ground even if it cost you every ounce of confidence within you. “Because I never received a thing from you.”
Eric throws his hands out and leans his face towards you, causing you to step back. “Are you calling me a liar?” He remarks, throwing drops of spit on your face all in the meanwhile. “Huh? Y/N? Tell me. Why don’t you show me yours to prove that I did send you something.”
You nod and pull out your phone to show him exactly what he wanted to see, but there was nothing but messages he left on seen. “See,” you snap. “Nothing. There’s nothing. Why didn’t you just call me?”
Eric narrows his eyes and stays quiet. He follows by licking his lips and furrowing his eyebrows deeper as his eyes lifted up to pierce into you to counter you. “You must’ve fucking deleted it because I did send you a message. Are you trying to make me look stupid?”
You scoff from the disbelief but you don’t argue, instead you ignore his stupid comment and walk past him to head home with only a dissmisve comment thrown back. “Goodnight Eric. We’ll talk when you’re calm.”
Albeit before you could even walk past the Teashops front window, Eric grabs your wrist and forcefully turns you around to continue arguing. “You’re always trying to fucking leave when we’re talking. We’re not done.”
“I am,” you rebuttal. “You won’t even try to be reasonable so talk to me when you’ve cooled down.” You try to pull your arm away from his grip but he only tightens it and pulls you towards him, making you stumble. Yet he made sure you wouldn’t fall so you’d continue meeting his eyes. “Let go Eric!”
Said man leans his face towards you and continues in a much more threatening voice. “Tell me who kept you so distracted that you’re avoiding my messages huh?” He squints his eyes and grabs your wrists harder now to the point it was hurting. “Was it Porco? Or his brother? Or was it both?”
“What?” You queried softly. “Eric, I wasn’t with them. I just went to do homework at my parents house alone.”
A scowl grows on his features and he keeps pressing that accusation. “You fucking whore. I can’t believe you think I won’t catch you in a lie. You were with them! That’s why you’re lying to me!”
The anger and the disbelief you felt completely disappears and now all that stood was the fear—“No I—”
Before you could finish assuring him that you were being honest, the feeling of his fist hitting you across the face cuts you off right away. It leaves you in disbelief again. It leaves you cold, it leaves you feeling a sharp sting on your face, and it leaves you feeling only the warmth of the blood that ran down your nose whilst your fear heightened.
“Come on lie to me again.” He seethed while he held onto your wrists.
You try to look away and step back, but he just held onto your other wrist and shoved you against the brick wall to keep instigating you. “I don’t want to hit you but you’re always lying to me. Be nice.”
Tears run down your cheeks and you drop your head, but he lets go of one wrist and uses his knuckle to push your chin up so you’d face him against your own desires.
“Oh fucking hell stop fucking crying.” He groaned, “it wasn’t even that hard you little crybaby—”
Right before he could finish the rest of his complaint Eric is suddenly yanked away from you and thrown to the ground. Your eyes instantly follow his flying figure and find the reason why he was so abruptly pulled back. It was Jean, he was now on top of Eric and began punching him as he yelled at him.
“You think you’re so fucking tough hitting your girlfriend you ass!”
You couldn’t even yell at him to stop, nor could you wipe the blood and tears that ran down your face as you stood in shock over what you were witnessing. Who should you even try to help?
Eric hit you, but he was still your boyfriend and Jean kept punching him with no remorse.
But on the other hand, Jean was defending you over what Eric did. He was being nice. You didn’t want him to get hurt.
However, Eric snapped back and shoved Jean off him to reitlate. It took him a second to really land a punch since he stumbled, but Eric swung on Jean and landed a hit. All while you stood unable to do anything but watch with your eyes wide and your mouth agape with words unable to come out.
“Why don’t you mind your own damn business asshole!” Eric bellowed and tried to hit Jean again, but Jean dodged and managed to hit Eric again. But even when he got hit again, Eric didn’t stop, he kept fighting back and landed another strong blow that caused you to finally yell out.
“Eric, leave him alone! You’re hurting him!” You want to walk over to him to stop him by force, but he snaps his head to glare at you and counter in a voice laced with venom.
“Stay out of it bitch, we’ll talk later!”
You freeze in your steps and all you’re able to do is watch almost dumbfounded. In that instant though, because of what Eric just said to you, Jean lunged at Eric and pinned him to the ground again. He kept hitting him, and Eric hit and kicked back, but he didn’t overpower Jean.
Jean was stronger, he seemed more driven as if fueled by his own rage. And it scared you, only because you feared the outcome because Eric wouldn’t give up easily.
That reason alone made you pull your phone to call Eren. And thankfully he picked up quick. “What?”
“Eren,” you cried, “are you home?”
“Y/N?” Eren said in a different tone of voice now that he noticed you were crying. “What’s wrong?”
“Please answer me!”
“I’m home! What’s wrong?!” He bellowed through the phone.
“It’s Eric! He and Jean are fighting outside the shop, please come down. I can’t stop them!”
The call ended right away and all you could do was wait. If you tried to stop either man, you’d end up getting hit so going to them wasn’t the best idea. And well, Eren didn’t take long either, he was quick to come out the building and run towards Jean to pull him off Eric.
“Jean, that’s enough!” Eren shouted, but Jean was quick to protest.
“And let him think it’s fine to hit y/n?!”
Eren’s eyes flickered over to you when he heard the comment.
You quickly avert your gaze however and tilt your head away so he wouldn’t see the blood or the red mark on your face.
“Well he’s learned his lesson, hit him anymore and you’ll kill him idiot,” Eren retorted. “Y/N, get inside.”
You ignore his demand and walk over to Eric who pushed himself to his knees, but right as you were crouching down to help him, he smacked your hand away and spit the blood from his mouth in front of your feet before he remarked your actions.
“Get away from me. I don’t want you to touch me.” He turned his head and made sure you were looking at him as he continued. “Now I know who you were with you fucking liar—”
“No Eric, it’s not like that—”
“Shut up and save your lies, you…” he pauses and looks away whilst he stands up to his feet. “We’re done. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”
You quickly stand up to your feet at the sound of what he said and try to make him take it back, you try to make him listen to reason. “No, Eric, he’s just a friend. I was just tutoring him, please don’t do this,” you plead and begin to walk after him as he heads to his car.
Albeit he spun back and in that moment you flinched, thinking he was going to hit you. Only, he didn’t hit you, he did much worse. “Enough! Never talk to me again. You can be with your fucking man I don’t care anymore! I don’t want you!”
You stay where you are and feel more tears roll down your cheeks, you feel your heart break even more then it was already. Actually it felt like your whole world was falling apart. And he didn’t care or show a sign of remorse. He was just as cold as before. As always actually.
“Eric,” you whimper.
He only ignores you though and shuts his car door after he gets in. He starts his car and just drives off, leaving you on the sidewalk with just tears, pain and heartbreak. Rather than thanking Jean and Eren, you just turn and storm home.
When you walked into the hall before you reached the stairs though, Levi stood there when he caught you rushing in. You locked eyes and you saw him reach his hand out and part his lips to speak, but all you could see was the disappointment on his face even if it wasn’t there, so you just rush past him to run up the stairs to reach the house and then head directly towards your room without saying anything to Furlan, and Isabel standing in the living room.
Once you’re inside your room you shut the door, throw your backpack aside, and throw your shoes off your feet. You wish you could go to bed without having to get out of your uniform and having to wipe off the makeup that was ruined by your tears and the blood, but you knew you’d regret it all the next day, so you got out of your clothes first to change into something comfy to wear to bed. Next you proceed to sit on your vanity and wipe off your makeup with a makeup remover.
The one problem you did have was the blood on your face, you needed water but you didn’t have some in your room to use. And you didn’t want to walk out and risk being bombarded with questions, nor could you look at Levi in the eye or have him help you. You could ask Eren for help, but he’s helped enough.
So instead, you use the same makeup remover and wipe the blood off your face with a new cotton pad, whilst tears streamed down your cheeks and clouded your vision.
You couldn’t even look at your reflection in the mirror clearly due to the tears. Not like you wanted to look at yourself look….absolutely broken. All because you loved the wrong man.
Even if you wanted to break up with him, it really did hurt having him break up with you. He’s been cruel to you, he’s hurt you but it hurt you so deeply that all that you felt was empty. You should feel happy that you didn’t have to endure anymore of what he put you through, but it felt like there was a gap in your chest where he once was.
He ended your eight year relationship with no remorse, he didn’t even think about it, he just blurted it out as if he’s been wanting to do that for months, and left you with nothing.
Part of you hoped he’d regret his decision and call you, but your phone was silent and stayed that way when you finally turned off your light and climbed in bed.
Maybe he’d call in the morning? Once his anger has completely passed.
But morning couldn’t come quicker. Not because it seemed time was moving dreadfully slowly, but because you couldn’t sleep. You stayed under your blankets unable to find the right piece of mind to get at least some sleep.
To others though, it seemed like you were sleeping since you had your back facing the door and you lay still in hopes you could sleep.
“How’s she doing?” You could hear Eren ask the person who had opened the door.
“I don’t know.”
Levi.
“I caught her sleeping so I couldn’t talk to her.” Levi continued to tell Eren.
Yet he didn’t truly know the answer to Eren’s question because he was hesitant to walk in and actually talk to you. He had seen your light on but he walked off and when he came back he watched it go off. Which is why he knew you weren’t asleep like you pretended to be
“I’ll talk to her in the morning then,” Eren said, and Levi agreed, hating the fact that it was so easy for Eren and you to speak. He wished it could be as easy for you two to speak, he wished he could be there for you, but it seemed you were only bothered by his presence so he gave you space.
He’ll give you as much space as you need even if he didn’t know you ached to heal your relationship.
*THE NEXT DAY. JEAN’S P.O.V*
No. Just turn back, she won’t want to talk to me. Just go back home
Jean turns on his heels and marches back to his car, but as he catches a glimpse of his reflection on his window, he’s hit with more guilt than what he already carried. Besides, how could he be such a great person if he failed to check up on you after what he witnessed yesterday—even if you wouldn’t answer his messages.
So he draws in a deep breath and looks up at the shop with his decision made.
Yet, as he breathed out and began to head inside the shop, he did wonder why he was going to check up on you. You did tutor him, but it’s not like he actually thought of you as some friend, especially after what happened on Wednesday last week. Sure, he wanted to kiss you yesterday, he painted you; ON ACCIDENT! but he couldn’t say you were friends, no matter how crazy you drove him when you were close.
It was pity! That’s what it was! He felt pity for you! That’s why he was now inside the shop about to ask the tiny man where you lived so he could give you the bouquet of flowers in his hand.
“Hello, I came here to ask about y/n. I want to talk to her, but I don’t know where she lives.”
The tiny man looked away from the screen in front of him and met Jean’s gaze with such a serious glare that it gave Jean goosebumps.
“It’s not three yet is it?” The tiny man asked Jean.
Jean shook his head and rose the flowers to show him a glimpse as to why he was here.
“Oh,” Levi breathed out and then pointed to the ceiling. “She’s home. Just exit the shop and the building door will be on your left. Take the stairs and you’ll find our house.”
Jean gave his thanks and made a quick exit out of the shop to do as he was instructed, but that’s where the problem was, he couldn’t knock right away, he hesitated.
He should just go back, you wouldn’t want to see him after all. You just got broken up with because of the fight he started, and yes that guy deserved it, but he can’t imagine it’s easy hearing those words.
So with that in mind he did attempt to turn back, but then the door opened and Eren stood there in front of the doorway.
“Jean?” He inquired.
Said man furrowed his eyebrows and scoffed. “Eren. Why are you here?”
Eren looks back at the house and fixes his backpack strap before answering slowly so Jean could understand. “I live here. Wasn’t that obvious yesterday?” He chuckles and looks down the hall. “And well it’s the only house here. Duh.”
Jean’s eyebrows furrowed deeper to express his annoyance and frustration, but he didn’t give into those feelings and just asked for you. “Where’s y/n?”
Eren points his thumb to the hall hidden behind the barrier Jean was still behind.
“She’s in her room,” Eren whispered. “I don’t know if she’ll talk to you though, she hasn’t come out all morning.”
Jean scoffed and retorted. “And you haven’t checked on her?”
“I’m giving her space, and I’m going to class.”
“Wait, wait,” Jean interjected to complain, “you’re leaving her alone?”
“Alone?” Eren repeated in disbelief of what he was hearing. “Yes. She’s twenty-one. And Levi and Isabel are downstairs.”
“What if she tries to jump off her window?” Jean remarked. “Or what if she tries to—”
“Please shut up,” Eren cut Jean off with sass. “She won’t do that. Besides, Mikasa is coming over right now, and I also told her friends to come over. Just come in,” he pauses and turns back around to guide Jean inside to your room.
At first Jean hesitated for a few seconds, but he didn’t want Eren to say anything if he just flaked, so he followed him to the first door on the left of the hall. He watched Eren knock and then minutes later he heard you. “Come in!”
Eren gestured Jean to wait while he walked in. At that moment Eren opened the door a brown cat walked out and sat outside the door and just watched Jean. That’s all the cat did. It watched him.
So Jean instead ignored the piercing look and looked through the small gap Eren left, but he didn’t see anything, nor did he hear anything but whispers until Eren’s feet stomped towards the door that was followed by him appearing after the door swung open.
“You can go in,” Eren told Jean before he leaned in and whispered a threat. “Be nice or else.”
Jean scoffed and ignored him. He then waited for Eren to walk away to slowly walk in your room, right away seeing you sitting up right on your bed with a hoodie on that was able to hide your face, and then he saw an orange cat on your lap, and a black cat on a cat bed by the window. He wanted to comment on them, but you spoke first.
——
*YOU*
“Hi, please come and take a seat.”
Jean looks around then looks back to close the door but you stop him. “Just leave it open, Mr. Darcy will walk in and close it.”
Jean’s eyes snap to you and the corner of his lips twitch before he picks on the name. “Mr. Darcy?”
You stroke your cat’s fur and don’t find the humor behind his comment. “Yes?”
Jean doesn’t fail to notice your cluelessness but he chooses to leave it alone for now and focuses on the bouquet of red tulips in his hands. “These are for you.”
Your jaw slightly falls and for a second you’re utterly speechless until you just ask, “why?”
“l just thought I could bring you something to brighten your day.” He said without an ounce of shame or embarrassment. “I hope you like tulips.”
You blink and close your mouth. Your eyes dart from the flowers in his hand and then to his light brown eyes. Words are still hard to form from your disbelief of him buying you something, but you force yourself to snap out of your stupor by pushing your cat off your lap and climbing out of bed to grab the flowers. “Thank you,” you finally tell him with a sweet smile that was partially hidden under the hood you wore over your head. “And.” You grin. “I love tulips, they’re my favorite, thank you!”
It’s the first time in a long time that someone has given you tulips. It meant a lot that Jean managed to get the right flowers on his first attempt. The gesture made your heart swell.
“How…” he hesitates, “are you feeling?”
You keep your eyes on the vivid petals and you give him a partial answer. “I’m hanging on.” You draw in a small breath and hold it in from the uneasiness that you felt as you hoped he wouldn’t ask what you think he wanted to.
Jean hums and he keeps his eyes on you as he watches you admire the flowers. “Do you need any ice or?” He asks kind of awkwardly.
You shake your head and slowly breathe out. “No, I’m okay. How about you?” You quickly direct a question to him. “Are you okay?” You peek over at his face but don’t see any bruises. “It doesn’t look like he got you.”
“Nah,” Jean adds cockily. “He didn’t get my face, or at least he didn’t hit hard. I got him good though. He might have a black eye.”
You huff and put the flowers down to walk off to the bathroom. “Do you want anything to drink or eat?” You ask him whilst you grab a vase and pour water in it. “No one’s home,” you shout so he could hear you from the bathroom. “We could be out in the living room freely!”
“Uh, I don’t want to bother you, I’ll just go.” Jean said back, causing you to shut the faucet and return to your room with your head slightly ducked so you could hide the bruise that was covered by makeup but still faintly visible.
“You have a class soon?” You probe slightly disappointed.
Jean shakes his head. “No, not today. My professor canceled.”
You take off the wrapping from the flowers and place the bouquet inside the water, feeling your chest tense as you peek at Jean to continue your questions. “Oh, well if you don’t then you can stay, I was going to make breakfast, want some?”
Jean scoffs and a teasing smile appears on his face. “You cook?” He teases. “You know I just might. Just to see that.”
You snort and nod. “I am very good if I do have to brag.” You steal a glance at him and then guide him out of your room to walk into the kitchen. “By the way!” You exclaim, “I listened to the song you recommended, and I have do have a complaint.” You take a pan from a shelf and place it on the stove.
Jean sits at the island in front of the kitchen and snaps, “a complaint? Pft, I didn’t have one about your song. No fair, listen to it again.”
You turn back swiftly and point your spatual at him. “I’m a Tupac fan.” You retort.
When you turned Jean caught the bruise on your face hidden by makeup but still visible; it was formed above your jaw and just below your eye, the sight made his smile fall and caused his mood to drift back to anger for you over what the man did, his pity returned tenfold. He even felt guilty for not stopping him in time, but it seemed like you were happy right now, at least that’s how you presented yourself, so he didn’t comment on it or stared for too long, he made himself laugh and tried to answer with a bit of an attitude.
“Tupac? Please—”
“Ahh!” You interrupt him and turn back around to place your spatula down and walk over to the fridge to grab a few eggs whilst you talked at the same time. “Don’t be that guy man!”
“What guy?” Jean pressed without letting you finish.
You mock a man’s voice and express what you always hear from them when you say you like something. “If you like Tupac, name five of his songs and don’t name the popular ones. Tell me the release date and don’t forget why he wrote it. Damn, do you want me to figure out his social security number too or what?”
Jean chuckled and leaned over the countertop to make fun of you and the men you’re complaining about. “Thats fucking ridiculous, that’s some stupid shit! I am not that guy. But can you say his social security number, I mean if you’re a fan?”
Your eyes snap to meet his and you can’t help your own laugh from escaping. “I….cannot, truth is I only listened to those songs because Ymir listens to them. And Eric listened to them…too.” You go wash your hands and feel your smile falter at the mention of his name.
However, Jean made sure to quickly change the subject. “Well listen to Biggy smallz.” He leans back and continues to watch you prep the pan before he volunteers himself. “Do you need help?”
“Oh, I—” before you could finish Jean hops off his seat and rushes over to you to beat the eggs. “Thank you,” you mumble, feeling a warmth on your cheeks as he stands so close to you. “Do you want music? Or do you just want to hear me talk?” You smirk. “I think that would work better but that’s all up to you.”
“Oh you’d love that wouldn’t you?” Jean taunted you. “Please amuse me then. Actually tell me why Eren and you live together.”
“Oh! Sure!” You agree enthusiastically. “Well when I was nine, I was home waiting for Levi; the tiny guy that owns the shop, to get home from a business trip right? And when he comes back he has Eren Jaeger with him, which by the way!” You ramble as you cut things for the omelet and Jean works with the eggs, not even complaining once or losing interest.
“I had known him because my parents would like have meetings with his and some other people, so Eren would go but he was always so mean to me and he was…weird! But that’s not important right now. Levi just brought him home and just said he’s going to live with us.” You exhale and continue. “Well later it turns out that his parents had died in this house fire that’s why Levi took him in. Also his mom was close to Levi because they were childhood friends that’s why he’s with us.”
Jean pours the egg in the pan and instead of asking about Eren furthermore, he brings up the overlooked fact about you. “Wait if Levi isn’t your dad then why do you live with him? Like is this some social experiment where you—”
“Shut up,” you cut him off with a bit of anger. “I know what you’re going to say and save it.”
You didn’t need him to finish or to know him to know he was going to ask why you lived with Levi if you’re so rich and have a big mansion. He was going to make fun of you so you didn’t need him to finish his stupid commentary.
“Fine,” Jean snickers and continues to ask his question. “Then why are you here?”
You sigh and lean back on the counter since he was in charge of flipping over the omelet. “Well,” you begin to share. “My parents left me here. It was supposed to be for the weekend, but they didn’t come back until five years later when I was ten.” You see Jean meet your gaze and catch a frown form on his lips and a disturbance flicker on his face. “I was angry, beyond angry, as anyone would be after their dads didn’t come back, so I chose to stay with my cousin. You know he was like a third dad.” You smile softly. “He took care of me, he did everything for me over those years so he let me stay with him. Besides he was far more attentive than my actual dads, they were always having business trips. They’d leave me so I preferred staying.”
Jean swallows thickly and tries to excuse his probing he thought was stupid after he knew. “I shouldn’t have asked, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry,” you assure him and grab plates to place them beside him. “You know you’re actually one of the few who I’ve told my life story too, so I’m sorry I spilled everything.”
“I asked didn’t I?” Jean redirected. “It’s no problem.” He looks over at you and you share a smile for a second before he turns back to turn off the stove and place the omelets on the plates. “It’s interesting too. Maybe I’ll sell your story to the tabloids.”
“Bad press is good press,” you quote with a smile while you walk to sit across from him.
Jean slightly tilts his head and his eyes widen as if he had just heard something amazing. “Have you been on any type of tabloid?”
You smirk and shrug as you show off. “A magazine, and some social media news outlets on the mainland and the Island with my dads. “Paradis richest and most beloved family” and “the Charity ball of the year will be hosted by the Ackerman’s for the fiftieth year”. Nothing much.”
“Nothing much,” Jean scoffs. “Right girl.” He rolls his eyes and looks down at his food to begin cutting a piece. “Let me guess you’re doing business to inherit your daddy’s business.”
“Essentially,” you agree with a bit of dread. “I mean that’s what I’m studying for. It’s what makes them proud.”
Jean shakes his head and shoves food in his mouth before he speaks with his mouth full. “Don’t know why you bother, I mean if I were you I wouldn’t worry with all the money I’ll inherit.”
“Yeah,” you nod and don’t deny your privilege. The dread for all of it was brought by other reasons. Other dreams that were left undeveloped. “In the future I will get my parents’ money. I’ll be set for years. For life. But I do want to make my own money. My own way. I don’t want to rely them, at least not for a while. I want to….” You pause and look down at the food you’re playing with and share a breathless laugh. “It sounds silly, but I want to accomplish my own goals, my dreams by myself.”
You don’t know why you were so comfortable sharing your whole life story with Jean. You barely knew him after all. But it felt comforting, you could see he was listening to every word, he didn’t interrupt you and say it was boring. He was listening to you without complaining, yeah he did argue about things but it wasn’t anything extreme, it was logical and worth saying.
“I know,” you continue, “I know that because they have good names and connections that I have privilege others can’t, but I just want to carve my own path.”
“Fuck it,” Jean huffed. “Use them. Trust me if I had what you do I would.” He meets your gaze and you look at him slightly taken back and afraid over what he might say. “Yeah I know I tease you about your money, but y/n it’s an advantage, if you don’t want to do business and want to I don’t know, become a painter; use them, use their connections because they will get you far. You can build off them and make your own name after. It happens. It always does. You just have to be better than them. If you’re the same then you will always be categorized as such. And when you make your own name,” he points at the table to explain, “they will say oh I didn’t know her parents are so and so. They will be background characters in your life. Believe me.”
Wow.
Wow. Okay.
Your jaw drops and you just blink as you stare at him in disbelief. His face grows red and he averts his gaze by looking down at his food to eat while you stay speechless.
Lectures weren’t your favorite thing, but his was worth hearing. He was amazing and you couldn’t express your awe in any other way than just blurting, “have you ever considered doing motivational speeches?”
Jean scoffs and shakes his head, keeping himself busy with food.
“Really,” you muse happily. “That was good. I will take what you said under consideration.”
Jean smiles but doesn’t show it to you, rather he just deflects the topic. “Can I be honest? Yesterday I completely thought you and Eren were having an affair.”
You slowly tilt your head and drop your fork to deadpan. “What?”
“I just saw you guys arguing and I saw him come out of your building and the idea came to me,” Jean explained himself in between laughs. “But it’s clear now, so I am no longer curious.”
You’re about to answer with something else, but a knock sounds on the door and makes you hesitantly walk over to open the door.
And it seemed Jean was thinking about the same person you had in mind because he slowly followed behind you to the door like some bodyguard or some protector.
But it just turned out to be Mikasa.
“Oh, Mikasa hey,” you greet with dread and open the door halfway, keeping part of your face hidden. “Are you looking for Eren?”
Mikasa’s eyes flicker over to Jean behind you and then fall back on you to share the truth. “No, he told me what happened and I wanted to come check on you.”
Oh.Tsk. Of course he called her and gossiped with her.
What is she here to do now pity you? Keep your hands locked so you wouldn’t dare call Eric. Jean was mostly likely here for the same reason, but you didn’t have that close of a relationship with Mikasa anymore, it felt weird having her come to your rescue. No matter how nice her actions were.
“If you’re busy,” she continues, “I can come later.”
You sigh and want to avoid her coming in, but she was already here. “No, please come in. Breakfast?” You offer her.
“No, thank you” she declined as she carefully makes her way in after she takes her shoes off at the entrance. “Jean I didn’t know you were here.”
“You didn’t?” He remarks and grabs his plate to wash it while you finished your breakfast. “I’m surprised that Eren didn’t go gossip.”
Mikasa rolls her eyes and sits around the Island as well, focusing her energy on you instead. “How are you feeling?”
You shrug and play with your last piece of food. “Right now I’m feeling okay.” All thanks to Jean for coming to visit. But you wouldn’t say that.
“Thank you for asking,” you finish saying and stand up to go wash your own plate.
A silence while you’re washing your plate lingers awkwardly. Mikasa and Jean wait for you to finish, but even then you walk to your room and leave them in the awkward atmosphere until you come back with your sketchbook.
“I want to show you something Mikasa,” you break the tension, having no other choice but to do so. “Eren mentioned you didn’t have a dress for the charity ball, and that you needed help so I drew up some ideas.” You open the sketchbook to flip to the page where you drew down your ideas and placed it on the counter to show her, while you explained. “Regency Era, I looked into what Japanese women wore, but since you’re mixed I chose to play with that so I had an idea to mix a Kimono with a dress that fit that era. See.”
Mikasa slightly leaned in and Jean peeked at the sketches.
“Like,” you continue and point to one of the ideas, “this one on top. I can make the dress white, but on top we can have a red silk layer that has designs on the lining in the front, and then we can have some traditional Kimono designs on the tail of the dress and have it drag behind you a little. But of course, make all the designs subtle since you know you don’t want to be the center of attention.”
Mikasa nods slowly and breathlessly agrees. “I love that idea, these are all amazing y/n,”
“Yeah,” Jean muses.
You lift your gaze at the same time he does and he doesn’t avert his gaze this time, he shoots you a sweet smile that makes you smile back and hold his gaze for a lingering and longing moment before Mikasa catches your attention and has you drifting your eyes back to her.
“I want it.”
You smile at her and drag your sketchbook towards you as you ask for her reassurance. “If that’s okay, of course? I wouldn’t want to be disrespectful.”
“That’s more than okay,” Mikasa says with a sweet grin.
You close the book and avert your gaze as you mutter. “I suspect you’re staying here for a while?”
Mikasa nods without hesitance. “If that’s okay.”
“Okay, we’ll get measurements later.”
She won’t leave even if you asked, not after Eren told her about yesterday. She was your babysitter even if Eren hadn’t even tried to talk to you after yesterday. Why did he even have to tell her?
You put your sketchbook away and come back to the awkwardness. “So,” you break the silence. “Do you guys want to watch a movie, or something?”
“Whatever you want to do,” she says, only getting you annoyed.
Yet before you could try to answer her there was a knock on the door. You go to open it but then the door opens by itself and Porco and Marcel walk inside. Much to your dismay.
“Y/N!” Marcel exclaims with flowers and a plastic bag full of stuff in his hands.
Instead of greeting them with a smile you greet them with confusion. “What are you guys doing here?”
Porco scoffs and answers for his brother. “Eren told us what happened. We came to celebrate that—”
Before he could finish what he was planning to say Marcel elbowed him, forcing him to stop.
“We just wanted to check if you were okay,” Marcel says instead, making you sigh and drop your head to grumble.
“Fuck Eren.” You lift your head again and offer them a feigned smile. “Well then I guess thank you for the company. Come inside.” You turn and walk towards the living room where Jean was to introduce him to your friends. “Guys this is my friend Jean.”
Marcel walks towards the living room after he drops the stuff on the kitchen counter to offer him his hand as he studies him. “Marcel. I’ve heard about you.”
“Really?” Jean snickers and glances at you.
“Yeah,” you cut them off. “Because I told him I was tutoring you.” You glare at Marcel and shoot him a warning look. “Jean, this is my best friend Marcel.”
Jean takes Marcel’s hand out of courtesy and shakes it. “So you’re the twin.”
Porco lifts his head from where he is in the kitchen and remarks right away. “We’re not twins!”
Marcel laughs and walks to the couch to greet Mikasa before he sits down. You take a seat next to Jean but he stands up at that moment and faces you with a faint smile before he reveals the reason for the smile. “Well I should head out.”
You push yourself off the couch and frown at his announcement, you want to tell him to stay but he says his goodbyes to the others and begins to head out, causing you to walk after him without daring to say what you really wanted to. “I’ll see you next week? I don’t think I’ll be able to help you this week.”
Jean stops and turns to face you a bit away from the front door. “Like hell. We’re working on my schedule, remember?”
You’re about to protest but he continues.
“I imagine you’re not going to school this week?”
You avert your gaze and shake your head. “No. Not this week.”
Jean nods and clears his throat to make it clear what he was saying. “Well I’ll come over then. It’s no problem.”
You blink and feel your eyebrows furrow, your throat aches as you keep your words down, but you also feel your heart swell at his persistence. “I can’t have you failing while you’re tutoring me so talk to your professors or something.”
Albeit he was actually kind of annoying.
“I’ll try,” you groan.
Jean shifts to continue walking away but doesn’t stop talking. “You’ll do it. My future might depend on you.”
You roll your eyes but smile faintly at him. “I’ll see you then.”
“I’ll see you.” He says before he begins walking down the steps, letting you drag your feet back home but stopping outside the door and staying there to debate going inside with so many people.
You only appreciated Jean’s presence because he had witnessed what happened, if he hadn’t been there, his presence would have not been so welcome. It’s just…what happened isn’t something to celebrate, or be some pity party. No matter how much you enjoyed being around him. Even if you knew you would’ve hated the solace if no one had been here to stay with you.
So maybe that’s a sign that you need to be grateful rather than annoyed.
With that thought out you walk inside, but before you could get far you almost run into Porco. He seemed like he was just going to head to the living room, but he stopped and turned on his heels to face you and keep you by the door.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “That we came. I told Marcel that we could wait, but he was pushy. We can leave if you want.”
You part your lips and even if you did want to be alone, deep within you knew it wasn’t the best idea. Besides, they were here already.
“No, it’s fine,” you assure him. “Stay.”
Porco nods and sighs, his face not resembling any relief rather discontent. “Look what that asshole—”
“Please,” you cut him off. “I don’t want to talk about it. Truth is I didn’t want anyone to know. But Eren made a big deal out of it. So please let’s not talk about it.” You inhale deeply and exhale as you meet his perplexed gaze.
“Right,” he answers after a moment. “Okay. Let’s go watch a movie then. Scream, was it?”
You offer him a faint smile and nod before you return to the living room and sit back in your seat, seeing Porco sit beside you and that Marcel stayed distant, he actually hardly looked at you.
“Marcel,” you grill him. “Why the hell have you been avoiding me?”
Said man turns on the tv to search for the movie and keep his eyes on the screen to answer. “I’ve been busy. Work, school.”
“Girlfriend?” You press loudly.
“No!” He blurts. “No. I’ve been meaning to answer, but I really have been busy. But I’m here now aren’t I?”
You sink in your seat and keep your eyes trained on him for a while before you look at the screen as he found the movie and played it right away.
“Actually,” he blurts. “I did want to ask you something. On Friday why don’t we go to the beach? To lift your spirits? Mikasa tell Eren to come.”
You rest your elbow on the arm of the couch and glance at Porco to share a quick look before he spoke. “Marcel, no.”
“It’s fine,” you interject.
Porco throws a throw blanket on you and that gesture lets you scoot closer to him to lay your head on his shoulder while you keep your eyes on the screen to bring up something. A condition. “As long as I can bring someone.”
“Sure,” Marcel doesn’t fret to agree. “Who?”
——
To Jane (the Therapist): Hey, I just wanted to know if we could talk again. There’s so much going on, I began blaming—
No.
No I can’t—you set your phone down and bury your head in your pillow and just lay there for a long minute until there’s a knock on the door. Since there was no one home you have no choice but to get up and make your way to the front door. As soon as you open the door you see Jean outside with his backpack strap on his shoulder, and a bag of food in his hand.
“I’m here,” he greets you. “Ready?”
You sigh and open the door wider to let him while you drag out your answer. “I suppose.” You close the door and walk after him. “I’m waiting for Eren to come home.”
Jean walks over to the Island to set his stuff down and talk to the empty space in front of him. “Oh, is everyone else gone?”
You take a seat across from him and fix the things you already had on the counter. “Yeah, they left some time ago. But the reason why you think I’m waiting for him isn’t why I want him to get home.”
Jean scoffs and smirks at his screen. “Yeah I understand, he’s annoying. Anyway, I brought you some food from downstairs.”
You lean forward and grab the bag to peek inside it. “From Levi?” You ask.
“Yeah.”
You faintly smile and take out the things to set them down around the table before you got yourself ready to help Jean.
“So,” Jean continues and keeps stealing peeks at you. “How are you feeling?”
You swallow thickly and sigh while you look up and assure him with a smile. “I’m okay. Nothing much has changed since this morning. So I’m okay.” You focus back on the computer screen and question him. “How was school?”
“It was okay, it was just a dread though.” He groans and rolls his eyes whilst he grabs his sandwich. “A couple of boring classes, and just paperwork for my exhibit.”
You perk up at the mention and slightly close your laptop to fully face him with a smile that slowly began to grow. “An exhibit? What? That’s exciting when?!” You exclaim to know, making Jean blush and scoff, but ultimately answer with confidence that faltered.
“Next month on the sixth, uhm you should come if you can, I’ll send you the info later.”
Your smile slowly falls, but you nod in agreement hoping it was before the charity ball. “Okay, you better, I’ll try to make room for you in my busy schedule.”
Jean chuckles and nods. “Alright.” He meets your gaze for a second before he looks back at his screen and smiles.
His smile alone makes your smile return, it makes your heart race and lets you reveal what you’ve been wanting to ask before you started. “Jean, I wanted to ask if you want to come to the beach on Friday? Porco, Marcel, Mikasa and Eren are going to,” you sigh, “lift my spirits. If you can, you should tag along, you can even invite some friends so you don’t feel odd.” You tilt your head slightly and grab your own sandwich to wait for his answer.
Jean runs his fingers through his hair to brush it back, but the strands he wanted to push back just fell back over his forehead, causing your breath to hitch and your face to grow hot.
“Sure,” he says with a grin. “I’ll go. I have room in my busy schedule.” His eyes flicker to you and he smirks. “Besides I’m a mean volleyball player.”
You scoff and quirk a brow to taunt him. “Really? I believe you. I mean, tsk,” you suck in air through your teeth and look at your screen, only feeling him hit you with a balled up napkin.
You laugh and shrug.
“Well, okay, boxer, if I do remember correctly I’m owed a match.” Jean brings up, making you scoff.
“How is that relevant to you being mean?”
Jean takes a bite of his sandwich and talks with his mouth slightly full. “I sense your judgment. I just want to assure you that you don’t want to play with me. I’m great at a lot of things.”
You scoff and nod slowly. “Okay. Well maybe you’ll prove that sometime next week then.” You hide your smirk behind your smile as you lift it again and finish your comment. “One of us has to win both volleyball and the match. To prove something. Winner gets….well that’s to be determined. What do you think?” You lift your eyes over your screen to meet his light brown eyes that are gleaming with excitement.
“You’re on sweetheart.”
You exhale deeply at his comment and hide the growing and shy smile on your face behind your screen.
After that was dealt with Jean and you begin working, and that went on without any disturbance, you both remained focused and didn’t go off topic until well past the time limit, Jean was even helping you with some work you had unfinished, but then when the door opened that concentration was broken as Eren walked in.
“See?—”
You lift your eyes off what Jean is pointing to and feel anger rise within you quickly, Eren greets you both, but his words tune out as you hop off your feet and charge towards him with a scowl on your face. “What the hell is wrong with you?!” You remark, noticing he began to step back away from you. “Huh? Answer me Eren?!”
Eren keeps walking back until he has enough room to slide to the side to escape your rage. “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about!” He yells back and runs to the Island beside Jean. “I just got home.”
“Do you think I’m some kind of fucking chairty case! That I-I’m some kind of unstable person who can’t take care of herself?!” You keep arguing, seeing he was now moving back away from you while you followed after him.
“I didn’t do anything!”
You feign a laugh and begin to run after him, but he plays smart and doesn’t let you catch him, he runs around the island to be at the opposite end each time you want to reach him.
“You told everyone my business Eren!” You inform him since he’s acting dumb. “It was not your news tell! None of it was but you opened your mouth and everyone was greeting me with smiles and sweet voices as if I’m dying! None of what happened was your business to tell!”
“I helped you! And jean is here so what?!“ he argued back.
You gasp and your eyes widen and you quicken your pace and begin collecting napkins and trashed paper off the counter. “Yes and so what?! What if I told everyone you broke up with Mikasa? Huh?! You would be seething?! And jean! He’s here because I’m helping him, because he was the only one who’s supposed to know! But you told everyone! It wasn’t your business Eren! It wasn’t!” You begin throwing stuff at him but he keeps avoiding it and starts finding amusement in the situation.
“So you’re not grateful—”
“Shut up,” you bellow and stop now since he was too much of a smart ass to catch.
“I helped you, can’t you be thankful?”
You clench your jaw and scoff, you want nothing more but to throw your computer at him, but you contain yourself for Jean’s sake since he had no choice but to watch your fight.
“I don’t want to talk to you,” you snap back instead and walk back to your seat to sit down and ignore him, not bothering to look up at the front door that opened.
“What’s going on?” You hear Levi ask. “Why is everyone screaming? I can hear you from downstairs.”
You huff and glance over the front door, catching Erwin walking up behind him. “Nothing,” you dismiss the argument that just went on. “Jean and I were going to my room to finish.” You collect your things and Jean has no choice but to do the same before following after you as you make your way to your room without looking at either of them.
However Levi stopped you before you could disappear in your room. “We’re all having dinner later. There’s no way out.”
You stop briefly and answer through gritted teeth since you think it’s about what happened last night. “Fine we’re almost done anyway.”
Once you’re secure in your room you drop your stuff and just throw yourself on the bed to look at ceiling and feel a cat snuggle up beside you.
“What’s with all the cats?” Jean deadpans, knowing that you weren’t going to work anymore.
You snicker. “I have a thing for strays. I do have two of my own though. The others are stray who come and go as they please. Cool huh?”
Jean scoffs and you practically hear him roll his eyes from where he was sitting.
“Now can I ask you something?” You bring up with less amusement. “Why are you nice to me? I mean you defended me yesterday, and I’m grateful. You came today when you didn’t have to and I’m grateful, but why is it that you’re nice to me?” You keep looking at your ceiling and swallow back the lump that formed in your throat. “I mean I know what people say about me. No one really likes me, I’m just a bitchy rich girl who’s got a crooked family. I’m boring. I’m no one. I’m an airhead. I’m fake. So why? I mean you even said those things about me.”
Jean stays quiet for a moment and each second he stayed quiet the more your heart beat, the more your anxiety to hear his answer rose until you felt like you were going to explode and have some form of attack. You actually thought he wouldn’t answer. He’d leave the deafening silence as it was, but he didn’t.
“Because you’re different,” he mutters softly. “It’s cliche, I know. But you are. I do have to admit I did think that about you, but I got to know you, you’re cool, fun, rich yes, a little spoiled yes, bratty, also yes. But you’re cool, genuine. You’re funny. You’re beautiful. You’re fun to be around, and I…well I don’t know…” he pauses and seems to be lost for words, it lets you sit up to face him with your lips parted slightly and your eyes gleaming with tears you forbid from falling.
“You’re not saying that because of yesterday right?” You croak out.
Jean holds your gaze and sighs as he answers. “A little, but,” he says and stands up to walk towards you. “I mean every word. I may have just met you, but I’m not lying, I won’t. Not to you. The day I do is the day we’re not friends.”
You grin and huff out. “Okay,” you whisper. “Thank you.”
Jean sits beside you and that’s it, he doesn’t try anything besides pushing his hand to be closer to yours on the bed; to the point your pinkies are the only things that touched. Beside that he stayed like that and just keeps you company in the silence.
That is until your phone rings. You check who it is and quickly put it on silence.
“Who is it?” Jean asks after a second of debating wether to ask or not.
You scoff. “My parents. I don’t feel like talking to them though.” You fall back down on your bed and hear him drag on the subject.
“They’re probably just worried. Just answer. You don’t even have to show your face.”
Your eyebrows scrunch together and you lay in the tense silence until you take his words for consideration with a groan. “No.”
“Well,” Jean huffed and lay beside you. “They keep calling.”
You turn your head to meet his eyes and shoot him a quip. “I don’t like you.” You reach for your phone and answer the call.
*LATER THAT NIGHT*
You sigh and slightly shift your glass cup to the side, you shift your silverware and then glance up to share a brief look with Eren.
“I’m glad the two of you could come along,” Erwin broke the silence that had fallen over the table.
“Well,” Eren sighs with a feigned smile on his face. “We were kind of—”
“We wouldn’t miss it,” you cut Eren off and offer Erwin a warmer smile. “This dinner seems important to both Levi and you so we had to come.”
Erwin shoots you a smile and steals a glance at Eren before looking at Levi across from him and offering a much giddier smile.
“So,” you start the conversation and grab your cup to pull it to your lips. “What is this about exactly?”
Levi and Erwin look at one another for a second before they look at both Eren and you. “I’d rather talk about this when we get our food.”
Eren shifts in his seat and grabs his wine off the table to take a long chug. The three of you around him pretended that you weren’t paying attention but you noticed his eagerness to drink it all.
“Why were Eren and you arguing earlier?” Levi begins to interrogate.
You take a drink of your wine and when you set the cup down you swallow and answer with sass. “Eren likes being in other people’s business.”
Said man sits up and props his elbows on the table to shoot you a menacing smile as he retorted, “I was helping you.”
You tilt your head and clench your jaw. “Were you? Or did you do it out personal gain? I didn’t need you to help me today, Eren. I called you because I needed your help, but after that you should’ve just kept quiet. I trusted you.”
Eren huffs and leans forward and opens his mouth to argue but he gets quickly cut off by Levi. “Enough, Eren. Not here.”
“I didn’t say anything.” He argues, his face twisting into a scowl. “I’m just reminding her why I did what I did.”
“And she’s right,” Levi hops on your side. “It wasn’t your business to tell other people what happened, it’s her choice not yours. You helped her last night and I’m sure she’s grateful, but you can’t just tell that to other people if she’s not comfortable.”
You hadn’t told Levi what happened, but you knew he knew and that didn’t take away from your surprise when he intervened without asking anything in return.
However, Eren stays quiet, his eyes fall on the empty space in front of him before he exhales deeply and looks back up at you to offer you a faint and tight lipped smile. “I’m sorry.”
You swallow your pride and smile back. “Thank you Eren.”
Eren fixes his posture and grabs his cup again to chug the rest of his wine and then serve himself some more, earning a concerned gaze from Levi, but getting nothing said to him.
“So,” you change the topic. “Work, Erwin, how is that?”
Erwin sets his cup down and meets your gaze to answer. “It’s great, but I did resign.”
You blink and scoff. “What why?”
Erwin smirks. “I plan on traveling for a while, that’s why.”
Eren huffs and leans forward. “That’s nice. Like a world tour type of thing?”
“Yes,” Erwin nods. “I want to see the world. I don’t want to be stuck here on this Island.”
You swallow thickly at his wishes as you feel uneasy since you knew what that might imply. “That’s nice,” you comment softly. “Very.”
“I think so.”
“The food is coming,” Levi interjects, making all conversation stop to watch as the waiters set the plates down on the table. To hear as Eren ordered another wine bottle after he alone finished the first one you were given.
You: that’s enough drinking Eren.
Seconds pass and your phone vibrates.
Eren: It’s not much.
You sigh and glare over at him before you type back fast—you: if you want to get drunk do it at home, we’re having dinner be respectful.
Eren: says the one who didn’t want to come in the first place.
Eren: I won’t drink much.
“Erwin,” Eren begins to say with a smile as he swallows his food. “You should’ve met Levi before. When he hadn’t opened the teashop yet. He was all business and no fun.” He snickers. “Like a military Captain.”
You take a bite of food and keep your eyes on your food as Erwin replies. “Really? Hmm. I can’t say he’s much different.”
“I can be fun,” Levi defends himself, making Erwin chuckle. “I’d build forts with y/n all the time.”
Your eyes flicker above your plate, and you take in your bite of food to chew slowly and swallow it down as you recall those distant memories. Ones linked with so much happiness.
“I’d have sleepovers in my own living room with Eren and Y/N, you don’t remember that Eren?” Levi continues.
There’s silence for a minute, when you look up at Eren you see him playing with his food, unable to keep a smile from tugging on his lips. “Yes,” he answers more genuinely this time. “I do. I remember y/n wanting to watch scary movies and then not being able to sleep at night. She said that some giant monster was going to grab her and eat her.” He snickers.
“She’d say, “Levi I can’t sleep out in the open”,” Levi bounces off Eren. “And we were inside our house for context. “I have to sleep inside up in my tree house so the giant Titans won’t get me.” He smiles faintly and takes a bite of his food. “She’d force me build a fort in our living room so we could be “safe” and then Eren would scare her so badly that she’d almost shit herself.”
You roll your eyes and share a dry and fake laugh in response to their story. Erwin laughs and it just makes you slouch in your seat and eat in silence and annoyance.
That is until you remember a story of your own. “No! Remember that time Eren got high because he ate Isabel’s brownies! Brownies she said not to touch!”
“I was ten,” Eren adds as if that helped.
“And you wanted Levi to hold you the entire time because you said you’d—”
“I was paranoid,” Eren cut you off, making you laugh.
The rest of the conversations went on like those, light, fun, tension free. Even Levi shared a few laughs too, he shared stories, he didn’t stay quiet and observe. Neither did you sit in silence regretting tagging along, no bad memory or bad topic was brought up that ruined dinner. No matter what relationships you all had currently, all that was forgotten for now as time seemed to go back to the times where problems didn’t make you all distant and a bit vain.
That is not until the expected conversation was finally brought up again.
“We wanted to share,” Erwin says with no sign of hesitation, or uneasiness “that Levi and are officially together as a couple.”
Looks pass around the table, silence threatens to become tense and awkward but then Eren and you grin and add to his announcement. “We knew.” You reassure them. “I mean it was obvious neither of you hid it well.”
“Yeah,” Eren agrees. “We knew.”
“Well,” Levi clears his throat. “That makes our next announcements easier then, Erwin.” He signals said man to continue.
“We are also planning to get married, and Levi is planning to come travel with me.”
The mood drastically changes. Eren chugs his wine and averts his gaze, whilst you grip onto your glass and look between both of them and offer them a small smile as you sigh. “Congratulations.” You raise your cup to toast to them. “I’m truly happy for you guys.”
“How long?” Eren blurts.
Levi shifts in his seat and clears his throat to answer Eren honestly. “We don’t know. We won’t return from our trip anytime soon though.”
Eren’s jaw clenches and chugs more wine he had served himself.
“Why?” Levi probes as notices Eren’s shift in mood, the tension in his shoulders. “Is that a problem Eren?”
Eren sets his cup down and brushes his hair back, he feigns a smile he directs solely to Levi and snaps back. “No, I mean you’re not my dad so why should I have a problem? Get married, leave, that doesn’t bother me.”
There’s a dead silence, silverware clinks, bells in the distance ring, laughter and chatter echo.
No one around the table moves but Eren who doesn’t seem to care what he said just now. Or at least that’s how he was playing it.
You couldn’t even find words to try and correct Eren, to assure Levi that Eren’s just drunk and stupid, that even if you had your differences he was everything to the both of you; friend, confidant, provider, father. Your words got stuck in your throat and all you could do was sit still and affected as if you were just wounded with Eren’s cruel words.
“No,” Levi finally breaks the silence, giving no hint in his voice that he was hurt. “Eren, I am not your father. Thank you for sharing your opinion.” Levi calls for the check to pay wi
Warning- Angst, SLOWBURN, Violence, LONG CHAPTER! Heartbreak and talks of death.
Pairing- Jean Kirstein x reader, Reiner Braun x reader
Episodes- 1x13-1x16
(Let me know if you want to be tagged)
————
There’s nights, specifically the recent nights, where you have nightmares of being back underground. With Furlan and Isabel. Only them. More specifically with their dead bodies.
It’s weirdly vivid, and pitch dark. You knew that if someone were to ask you to describe the dream, you could give them every aspect of the cold and dark room, of every spot on the wooden ceiling, of every ridge on the floor boards. You could describe the humid, dirt, death, rotting stench that is uniquely tied to the underground. Even if it was supposed to be dark in the nightmare, you could describe Furlan and Isabel bodies exactly as they were splayed on the ground, with their pool of blood staining the floor surrounding them. Almost as if it was a past memory.
Their lifeless eyes were engraved to your mind, the dim picture of their wounded bodies haunted you. The cruel darkness swallowed you and the dirty corner you were curled by, trapped you in place so you were forced to keep seeing them.
When you would manage to wake from the nightmare, you would search for your candlelight, or the moonlight peeking through the window to remind yourself that you weren’t in the underground anymore. That their bodies weren’t by your feet.
Even if the nightmare felt oddly familiar though, like you had lived some aspect of that trauma in your past. But you couldn’t place it. It just played as a cruel nightmare now.
↪ content; canon universe, description of violence, season 4, reincarnation!au, heavy angst
Was it three? Four? Jean didn’t really count how many years had passed since the last time he saw you. It was the happiest day of his life when he finally married the woman of his dreams, the first love from his previous lifetime, and his forever more in this one, too. How romantic. To love the same person over and over again.
The venue was decorated so prettily, and he wanted to thank you along with his wife for creating such a blast. You were the best wedding organiser out there, at least to him, you were. Ever since he bumped into you inside the antique bookshops, spending about five years with you as a dear friend, he knew he could count on you.
So imagine his surprise when there was only your assistant idling around by the end of the day. With a folder in her hand and a notebook with your handwritten tucked inside. Something for him. Just him, not the others, and of course not for Mikasa.
He needed time to understand the reason. Reading page by page for a bazillion of times since he was afraid he missed some information. He hoped you hinted where you would go or what you were going to do in between the lines as his heart skipped a beat faster. Thinking that maybe you tried to say something.
But even after he read it every day before he fell asleep, Jean learned nothing from it except a little fairy tale that was now engraved in his brain.
There was a little girl. So naïve — not knowing what kind of danger lingered outside the wall.
Walls. Titans. Such a bizarre story you had written there. About survival, friendship, different beliefs and so many more condensed into your notebook. There were some sentences he felt so familiar with, especially when the girl interacted with her best friend. Some promises, the banter and how they teased each other.
Jean had a smile plastered on his face every time he read it, as if he was reminiscing some old memories. One that he could never forget with how precious it was to him.
One that he eventually did without him being aware of it.
“I am ready now.” Turning around, he couldn’t help but wolf-whistle when he saw how gorgeous his wife was. “Do I look good?” She twirled around, raven hair floating in the air as she showed off her emerald body-con dress, hugging her body so perfectly.
“Babe, all men would be jealous of me to have you in my arms.” He let out a small chuckle and pressed a deep kiss on her lips, leaving a wet smack sound when he pulled away. “Let’s go then. I am betting the others are waiting.”
Mikasa Ackerman, now Mikasa Kirstein. The smugness on his face every time he remembered how his friend gawked at him never faltered. Even after years went by, he was still proud of having such a pretty lady to be called as his wife. The days that went by felt like he was newly wed all over again since she never once changed.
Something that made him want to wake up every morning, knowing how perfect his life was. Yes, perfect. But not complete, never complete.
Jean didn’t know what else he needed. He had a wife that loved him so, a stable job in such a prestigious law firm, and an adorable dog that had become their kid for the last couple of years. Marco once told him that maybe he wanted a baby, but even when he knew Mikasa could not bear children, he didn’t feel disappointed at all.
That was what made him decide to travel around the world in his free time. Taking his wife with him as they went on a random journey every time. He tried to find the meaning of life, what could have possibly made him whole. Some said he needed to be grateful. He did, he always did, with what the world had bestowed upon him.
Yet, after a few years went by, and he still had that gap in his days, he ended up taking it as some kind of redemption, perhaps an atonement over his sin in the past life.
“Goodness, is that Sasha?” Mikasa pointed at someone who was now standing in front of the restaurant with her husband, Niccolo, right beside her. “She smuggled something inside her bag. She never changed, Jean.” A small giggle slipped from her lips, followed by a deep chuckle from him as he parked the car.
A reunion. Just a small one in between him, Connie, Sasha, and Marco. The golden quartet, you once said. And the four of them thought it had become a quintet ever since he brought you into his house and introduced you to them. But now, it was back to just them, never once changed as no one actually fitted in as easily as you.
Taking a deep breath, he felt a shiver down his spine the second he was out of his car. Winter was never kind to those who went out, they knew that, but it wouldn’t be them if they were not being stubborn. After all, three years had passed ever since Marco moved to New Zealand, and since he was coming back, they had to celebrate.
The second he went inside the restaurant with his wife, a loud cheer from Connie and Sasha resonated throughout the place, making some pairs of eyes turn to face him. Mikasa could only chuckle at that, always loving the warm atmosphere every time the two rascals were around before she pushed Jean to get them.
He didn’t waste a time and just ruffled his best friends, feeling so light as he felt like this was the only moment he felt almost complete. When their friends surrounded him, tears pricked the corner of their eyes from too much laughing, making fun of each other to no end to the point they were embarrassing each other.
And for a split second, he thought about how everything could be much better if you were still around. If only you were not gone without a trace.
“Starting the reunion without me?” A smooth, angelic tone that belonged to the only sane person in the group stopped them from killing each other. “I thought we were here to celebrate my return. Guess not, huh?”
“Oh, come here Mr Bodt!”
The husband and wives of the quartet knew it was time for them to enjoy their time, giving their loved ones some moment to reminisce about life. Three years wasn’t short for Jean, Marco, Connie and Sasha, who used to spend their time together for probably the first fifteen years of their life since elementary school.
Jean felt like the night was perfect. The fact that one of his best friends returned to Paradis was also a plus. Knowing they could hang out like they used to, having back the routine he once lost, maybe after this, he would feel complete.
And oh, he felt exactly that. He felt in every fibre of his being the second Marco leaned away and cleared his throat to reveal someone else that went with him to the reunion, someone that Jean thought would never see again.
There was you, in all your glory. With the same smile he remembered the last time he saw your face. He couldn’t move his body, lips slightly parted as he thought his eyes deceived him. You were here. You were coming back to them, to his life.
He wasn’t able to grasp whatever Marco said as the ravenette patted your shoulders. His pupil followed you around, looking at how you kissed Sasha’s cheeks and tried to calm her down since she was crying by now. Connie just had his jaw dropped to the ground, saying no way! repeatedly underneath his breath as it grew louder and louder.
You fitted back in so easily. Just like that. Here again as if you never left in the first place. There were so many questions he wanted to ask, so many things he wondered. Jean felt happy, fuming, hurt, all at the same time because he longed to see you, to have you in his life. He had lost you once before. He didn’t want to lose you again.
“Hello, Jean.” You waved your hand in front of his face, snapping him out of his reverie. “How are you? I saw Mikasa before. She’s as pretty as ever! Bet you have been treating her right with how much she glows.”
“Oh, you know me.” Of course you did. He didn’t need to explain or say much since you were the one who knew him best, after all. “I always treat those I love with everything I can give to them, anyway.”
The missing piece of the puzzle appeared out of nowhere. Slipping back into his life and making his time searching for it came to waste. It was you. Always did from the first moment he tugged your wrist. The person who was so important that he felt like he had lost something when you were gone without a trace.
You kept your hands on your lap as you sat beside him, with Marco on the other side as he asked what you wanted to order. Jean couldn’t help himself but pointed at some dishes on the menu, things that he felt so sure you liked. If those four years you went missing didn’t change you, you would pick one of his recommendations.
And the night rolled on without a hitch. No one thought it was weird to see another lady in between the rowdy quartet. Yes, you always belonged there. Not even one spouse thought you weren’t supposed to be among them.
Sometimes Connie and Sasha would ask what you had been doing. After all, even though you could click right in with them so easily, they were still curious about what happened in the vast gap of years they missed you. Whether you were happy, whether you missed them too, whether you found someone —
And when you smiled and glanced in hisdirection. The two immediately kept their lips curled into a soft smile.
They didn’t need to ask more. They understood without you needing to elaborate with words. But Jean? He did. He needed to hear you spell it out for him.
However, when stupid banter and over the top jokes replaced the somewhat serene atmosphere from before, he stopped himself. Maybe he could ask you later when the two of you were alone. You were always more open around him, and he hoped a few years apart didn’t change that part.
It was almost ten, and they were the only crowd who stayed in this restaurant. The only customer left. Marco felt like it was time for them to end the night, much to everyone’s dismay, since tomorrow was Monday anyway.
They had to get enough sleep so they wouldn’t get hazy in the morning for work. At the reminder of that, the rest of the group could only groan and nodded, dispersing to get fresh air since there was some alcohol flowing in their blood.
Jean thanked Mikasa for accompanying him, smiling all the way to his ears when she gave him a kiss and told him she would be the one who drove. It was really nice indeed, a surprising night since he didn’t expect you to be here again, to appear with his best friend and grace him with your presence that was long gone.
Walking towards the balcony, he lit his cigarette to clear his mind. And lady luck seemed to be on his side tonight the moment he saw you leaned in at the railing with a glass of water in your hand.
“I thought you were going home.”
“Hm? Not yet, Jean.”
He leaned his back on the railing, puffing out some greyish smoke into the air. Five feet apart, because he knew you disliked the smell of the burned cigarette.
You didn’t even turn to face him. Not a gesture of surprise could be seen as he stepped inside your space. He wondered what you were thinking, and most importantly, he wanted to know why you came back after all those years.
“I read your notebook every day.” But if he wanted you to tell him everything. He needed to play his card right. “Before I sleep. Every day, ever since I received it.”
Jean didn’t let you question his commitment. Clarifying what he had done for the last four years. He wanted you to know how much your existence meant to him, and how the past years without you there had been consuming him little by little. Even though you were just his best friend, he cherished you as much as he did for his wife.
“I see.” He glanced at you, wanting to see your reaction. You only twirled the mineral water around, not even an ounce of emotion changed your neutral visage. “What do you think, then?”
“It was heartbreaking.”
“Of course. It’s not really about rainbow and—”
“But also nostalgic, in a way.”
Your pupils dilated at his words. There, the exact emotion that he couldn’t fathom. You stopped responding; you stopped whatever words you wanted to say and merely — existed. Hell, sometimes he thought you didn’t even breathe when you were like this. “I wanted to ask you something. No, a lot of things, actually.”
As he took a step closer towards you, it almost made him falter when he saw the way you leaned away. Four years have changed you. He was aware of that. But he still needed you to clarify something, if that was possible. He just needed to know why. He wanted to know what he did wrong for you to leave him in the dust.
Not just him. Connie and Sasha would often ask where you were, and if everything was alright while Marco comforted them. The three of them would be crazy thinking about your whereabouts if only the ravenette didn’t calm them down.
“It’s late, Jean.” You took a deep breath, shutting your eyes for a second there before it laid upon him. “We can talk tomorrow. I am going to move here again so we can catch up anytime we want.” That smile on your face. He frowned when he realised it didn’t reach your eyes. “After all, your wife waited for you, right?”
It felt like he had been in this place before. In the same situation where he was so close to knowing, to learn about something between you and him, and yet it always dispersed into nothing as you assured him he shouldn’t be worried about it.
As if you didn’t want him to know. As if you tried to hinder him from finding out the truth.
“Why did you always push me away…?”
He sounded so broken when he threw the question, and you gaped at how vulnerable the intonation that lingered there. “Do you know something? Have you seen any memories from the past? Is it that badwith me?”
“Jean, no. I—” You wanted to calm him down. Your palm was hovering right in front of his chest, but you stopped yourself. It looked like you were scared to touch him. “I can’t. Please know that I can’t talk about this. There’s a reason and maybe one day you could understand. But I hope you didn’t. I really hope you neverdid.”
“So you actually see the past.” He snorted in disbelief. All those times he tried to tell you about the awakened memories. All those years, he thought you were clueless and just another normal human being. It was a lie. “Then you know? On my wedding day, I was so close to see it through but you didn’t let me, you — you lied to me!”
“Jean!”
“And why is that, huh? Am I turned out to be such a despicable person? Is that the reason you moved away, telling no one about it?!”
“No! You don’t understand! The past few years also tortured me! But I did it because I must evade you, Jean. I did it for you—”
“Everything’s okay?”
The two heads whipped towards the source of the voice. Marco raised one of his eyebrows before scrunching his forehead since he would never have thought to see you and Jean having a heated argument. “It’s late. I think both of you drank too much liquor. If there’s something you both need to talk about, I suggest tomorrow.”
He strode right beside you, standing so close, as if he tried to shield you from Jean. The taller man could only look down at his best friend with disbelief before grumbling a bit underneath his breath.
A ravenette, always a ravenette. The one who blocked him from unravelling his own memory was Mikasa back then, and now it was Marco.
“Fine, then.”
“Good. I am sure Mikasa is waiting for you, too.”
Marco smiled at him, and the tension Jean felt slowly lifted off his shoulder. His best friend was right, he had to go back since Mikasa had been so kind to wait for him. What a perfect woman indeed, and he gave a small nod towards the freckled man.
From your words, you were really going to stay here again. So if by chance he could grab a coffee with you, he would continue this conversation then. Completely sober because he didn’t want to mess things up. “We will see you later, Jean. Goodnight.”
“Yeah, pal. Good—”
“You know, Jean?” He was barely done replenishing the gas for his manoeuvring gear when Marco sat beside him. “I think you are not really in love with Mikasa.”
“What?” Jean stopped what he did. All the shouts of excitement from another cadet were muted as he could only hear his best friend’s voice. Marco had the audacity to have a smirk on his face, not facing him still as he fixed his boots. “Oi, how come you say that?”
“Because it’s the truth. You actually put your heart in your sleeve, Jean.”
Jean immediately stood from where he sat, forcing the freckled boy to look at him because of his abrupt movement. He didn’t know where the ravenette got that idea from. And surely he didn’t expect him to say it now when they were going to climb back on top of the wall after retaking the headquarters. Couldn’t he wait to discuss this? Something as — important as his heart?
“No, I am not.” He jutted his lips out, something that only elicited a chuckle from his best friend. Something that made Jean scowl even more now. “I adore her entire existence, Marco. She is the prettiest woman out there. So brave and the greatest soldier in our ranks. Shit, even when all she could think of was Eren, I still want her!”
“Are you really?” Those light brown orbs fixated on someone behind him, one that he immediately followed since he wanted to know what Marco had been trying to say to him.
Sasha slumped herself towards you, practically crying and wailed some gratitude on your chest. You were not even trying to get her off you, understanding how shocked she would have been since a titan almost got her. If you were not there to kill the one she was assigned to before, maybe Sasha wouldn’t even be here right now.
You and your gentle nature, so nurturing to those around but at the same time could be such a clown around them. Jean only let out a small chuckle at the sight of the two girls, and when you realised he had been looking at you, he could feel his cheeks heated.
But he didn’t look away, not feeling embarrassed that you caught him, not at all.
“I couldn’t really hide things from you, huh, Marco?” He whispered out underneath his breath, just enough for the ravenette to hear him. “Since when did you know about it?”
“Since the first day, maybe.” Turning around, he faced Marco once again, who was now down with the preparation. “You always talked about her, telling me about her stupid antics. And of course, that soft smile on your face, Jean.”
“Yeah, can’t help it when she always makes me feel like I am…” He chuckled. The smile reached his eyes in the middle of this hellish time from just the thought of you. “…whole.”
Jean didn’t want anyone to know, actually. About how he was secretly in love with his best friend, someone who knew him like the back of their hand. He once asked Connie to nudge the idea of him liking you, but the bald boy said you only fake gagged and walked away, a sign that Jean took for him to take a step back.
The world only needed to know that Mikasa Ackerman rejected him. One person was enough. He didn’t need them to know you also did.
“Why do you hide it away, though?”
“Oh, come on, Marco.” His chuckle now turned bitter. “I am not risking what I already have with her.”
Jean swallowed an enormous lump before turning around, beckoning his best friend to follow suit, as he didn’t want to talk about this anymore. With Mikasa, it was fine because they started as strangers. But with you? He clicked with your mind and taste in joke, practically chose you as his ally since day one he saw you tamed Sasha.
He didn’t want to throw the dice, wondering if maybe he could have more with you. So he decided to just love Mikasa, continuing his admiration while still keeping you close.
Because he was aware, he wouldn’t feel complete without you in his life.
Jean sucked a deep breath, not believing himself or what he just saw. Everything, everything. It felt like time stopped as all the memories from his past life came into him. Not just a glimpse, not just a spark or anything he had seen before when he was with Mikasa or anyone else he met before.
It was just a playful pat from Marco on his shoulder, but he swore it made his legs wobble for a second there as if the freckled man tried to push him off the balcony. He couldn’t breathe, not knowing where the oxygen in his lungs went with these memories came to him like a hurdle of waves, trying to drown him out.
He wanted to reach out towards you and the ravenette who was already walking away. Marco had his left hand intertwined with yours, practically pulling you away from him and it just — it wasn’t fair and it hurt.
“Hey.”
Jean called out to you, feeling so relieved when you stopped walking and took another look at him. Right now, there was only you in his eyes. You, the one who knew him best, maybe the same or even more than the man who stood behind you.
There were so many things he wanted to say. So many words that were left unsaid after the whirlpool of emotion came crashing down at him. And when you pursed your lips, when he saw tears glossed your eyes despite you tried to keep it at bay, he had a feeling that you knew.
Oh, you knew that he knew.
The promises. What he had said before in the life where the two of you were reckless soldiers, everything went up to the surface after being buried by nature.
So this was the reason you always had some kind of subtle reaction when he talked about Mikasa. This was the reason you ended up moving to another place without telling him, the thing that pushed you to go away and settled your heart somewhere else.
Because you realise the promises had been broken the second he said I do, four years ago, in front of Mikasa Ackerman.
“I promise, I promise I will find you one day.”
He did. He found you here in this lifetime. A place without titan, without the two of you having to be afraid that every moment would be the last.
“We will be happy by then.”
However, it was nothing like the one he had in mine. Not the one youhad been waiting for. The two of you didn’t meet and fall in love, not married to one another and have kids or anything you were supposed to tell him. The house he bought in previous lifetime and this one — it wasn’t for you. Not for you to take a shelter in with him.
He could have that. If only in this life too,he was willing to gamble his friendship with you. Maybe you were the one who had his last name instead of the woman who now waited for him in the driver’s seat.
But the two of you were aware that maybe, no matter what kind of world he resided in, this was how it would end with you.
“Y-Yes, Jean?”
With him to live and fall in love with someone else, and you to stay in his life as nothing more but a dearest friend.
↪ content; canon universe, description of violence, season 4, reincarnation!au, heavy angst
“Will you marry me?”
You stopped putting up the blade on the scabbard when you heard the question from behind you. At this messed up moment, you never expected someone to make such a crucial proposition, not when in a few minutes from now you were ready to board the flying boat, ready to put your life on the line to save the world.
The question echoed at the back of your mind, and you were still debating whether it was a good thing to turn around and acknowledge the marriage proposal you received or just shrugged it off. You were not in a situation to think about something as petty as love, not when one of you probably couldn’t make it out alive from this cruel war.
If the two of you were strolling around Trost like what you used to, you would not hesitate to face him. You could imagine yourself with your eyes shining under the bright sunlight, asking what he meant whether he was being serious or just wanted to tease you. And you knew, you would know the answer to his question.
“Don’t joke around at a time like this, Jean.”
But the circumstance you were in right now did not help you to let out the word that you wanted to say. There was no time to be a lovesick woman, there was no time to think about a future that was out of your reach. The thing that you needed to be focused on was for you to give everything you had to fight the founding titan.
You really hoped that he would drop the question and just let you go, because you knew your heart too well, and saying no to him was something that had been a struggle for you ever since the two of you were just stupid brats in the Cadet Corps.
“You know I will never joke about something as important as this.”
No air could fill your lungs at this point, and you felt your legs wobble slightly from the earnest tone that he used. “Hey, just listen to me, okay? Turn around, face me at least if you want to say no. Rejection is something that I have been through my whole life anyway.”
That was it. That was probably the reason you didn’t want to face him. You knew. You were there. Your eyes caught everything for the past years ever since you knew him, and you swore from the bottom of your heart that you would do anything if only he could look at you like how he saw the beautiful, multi-talented ravenette that now was chatting with Armin.
He was not serious with the question, probably he was, but he would never be serious when it came to his own feelings. Him loving you? That was probably the stupidest, deceitful, delusional thing that ever crossed your mind. And you knew the reason why he threw that question at you instead of her.
Because as for now, she only had eyes on someone else, the same person that was trying to commit worldwide genocide, excluding Paradis, the same person that everyone was trying to take down with their blades and guns.
“Why do you want to marry me in the first place, Jean?” You tried as hard as you could not to let your voice waver, still not facing him as you didn’t want to show how pitiful you looked right now. “You would never want to marry me. We fight now and then, we bicker all the time—”
“Because you are the one who knows me best, that’s why.” He cut you off, perhaps still blinded by his own selfishness at this point. You should have known that he would never drop this off so easily, and you could only grit your teeth, not wanting to lash out. “You know me so well, no one else could understand me as much as you do. So please, I-I will love you—”
“Can you even promise that you are going to love me?” You swallowed a huge lump, waiting for his response to such a simple question. Something that never came for the next few seconds. “See, Jean?” Then you turned around, locking your gaze with his as you saw how his pupils widened, probably because he finally saw the tears that streamed down your face. “You couldn’t even promise that you are going to love me back.”
You felt so dumb right now, hands shaking from the feelings that you always buried deep inside your heart. All these years, you always knew your place, you knew you could never be as perfect as the woman that he loved. Yet he just needed to bring it up, to ask something that you wanted nothing but to answer with an excited yes.
If only you didn’t know, if only you could blind yourself from the truth — you would have run to him right now, wrapping your arms around his neck and smashing your lips against his. Something that consistently appeared in your mind with how much you wanted to know how he tasted.
But that was the thing you could never do. You watched on the sideline for the seven years you had known him, knowing how in love he was. Everything was imprinted in your mind, so you knew you could never act like you didn’t notice that he would be ready to give his own life just to save her.
He was standing still from his place, lips parted even though there were no words that rolled down his tongue. You couldn’t blame him, even though he could be such a selfish jerk sometimes, he was someone that would never want to hurt his comrades. Especially not to someone like you who was always there for him through thick and thin.
There were a few pairs of eyes that turned to look at you two, possibly debating if they should intervene or just let everything happen as it was. You knew they were probably only getting worried that there would be a huge fight that could lead to nothing but regret in later days, even so, you didn’t like the non-existent privacy that you had then.
Inhaling the air through your nose, making the salty scent of the ocean tickle your nostrils, you decided to be the one who just let it go. It didn’t matter anyway, no matter how many things you wanted to tell him, there was no alternative future where Jean Kirstein was in love with you.
Therefore, with a heavy heart, you walked past him, leaving him to contemplate alone about his own feelings. He didn’t call out to you, not trying to stop you from walking away, so you knew that he probably understood by now that asking you to marry him was the biggest mistake he ever made in his life.
Although you wished, you really wished in your wildest dream that perhaps someday, you could hear him ask the exact same question to you.
Using an intonation filled with certainty, with his whole heart loving every part of your being.
Your fingertips trailing the white silk napery that was draped neatly on top of a round, wooden table. A smile etched on your face since you knew today would be perfect. Everything was in place, and you couldn’t feel better knowing that the weather was excellent at the moment.
White dress wrapped around your figure, and you felt so beautiful and confident wearing it. Leaving the table where the tall wedding cake was placed before, you sauntered through the venue to greet each guest that you met along the way, with the same smile that never wavered as they congratulated you for today.
You didn’t realise how a pair of molten copper eyes looking at you with pride glinting inside his orbs, praising you internally as he felt so blessed that you were here. From the very first start he met you, he knew there was something about your existence that made him want nothing but to keep you in his life.
He recalled how he bumped into you a few years back in a bookstore, and even though you were ready to slip away from him after muttering a small apology, he couldn’t help himself but grip your wrist, telling you to wait.
And despite the embarrassment that took him from gripping a stranger’s wrist, he thanked himself for not letting you go that easily.
Because now, you had become such an important person in his life, someone that he would always cherish no matter what.
“Is everything ready?”
You flinched when you felt someone’s breath on your ear, making you yelp since you were just done greeting another guest that asked you where to sit.
“Jean!” Turning your head to face him, you whispered-shout at his face before punching his chest lightly, an action that elicited a low chuckle coming from his lips. “What are you doing here? Goodness! The groom shouldn’t wander around the venue like this, you know?”
Your pout always looked so adorable, and that was one of the reasons why he always loved to tease you. He didn’t know why, but he couldn’t have a single day pass without trying to mess with your head. And despite how annoying he could be, you always stayed and gave him your attention.
“You are not supposed to be here either.” He gently flicked your chin, and he let out another chuckle when you hissed from his action.
“Fuck it, Jean. At this point, I ask myself what the meaning of my existence in your life actually is.” You scoffed, rolling your eyes in a mocking tone as you folded your arms in front of your chest. “You always tease me! Why do you even want me here in the first place? I would end up to be—”
“Because you are the one who knows me best, that’s why.”
He swore he could see your pupils dilated slightly from his words, and it made him stop laughing at you, since he saw that emotion inside your eyes all over again. You were always like this sometimes, to suddenly stop talking, stop responding to anything for a few seconds as if your whole life was fleeting through your mind.
But then it was back to normal, and the emotionless facade that you had before now slowly filled with another expression.
“Is that supposed to be a compliment, Jean Kirstein?”
Though somehow, he could sense something from the way you called his name just now. Something that he didn’t know what it was, but it made him scared and oddly nostalgic at the same time.
“Well, it's—”
“Jean! It’s the time!”
A gentle, familiar voice called out to him. And the atmosphere that was built nicely around the two of you suddenly vanished into the thin air. Both of you turned to the source of the voice, finding the beautiful ravenette woman waving in your direction. “Connie is waiting for you in the dressing room!”
“I’ll be there soon, love!”
He waved back, though he didn’t move his feet even until the woman walked away from the scene. Today was his wedding day, and he was supposed to be so thrilled and felt all of the excitement in his heart. In a few minutes from now, the love of his life, his first love and dream girl would be his wife, but at the moment, he didn’t want to leave you alone just yet.
“So, where are—”
“Nevermind, Jean. She called.” You took a few steps backwards, giving him and you a proper gap. But his face never left you as somehow he felt something that rooted him to his place. “Jean, your bride called.” Snapping two fingers in front of his face, he finally could regain himself, and a small nervous chuckle slipped from his lips when he realised that he was daydreaming before.
“Yeah, yeah. My bride, yes.” He cleared his throat, averting your gaze completely since somehow he could not take a look at you. When you saw this, you raised one of your eyebrows, wondering why he stayed here when his bride already called him to prepare himself and wear the wedding suit.
“Don’t tell me you had wedding jitters, Jean.”
“H-Huh? Why would I? Mikasa is perfect, and—”
“And you were always meant to be with her, I know.” You chuckled a little, though it didn’t sound as sincere as usual, but he shrugged it off. “You always told me about it, that you have met her before, perhaps in your previous life, right?” He nodded at that, letting out a long sigh as he swept his hair to the back. “So what’s on your mind? Why are you still standing here with me? You are so close to marrying her again, Jean.”
“I promise, I promise I will find you one day.”
A flicker of memory appeared out of nowhere, something that usually happened only when his fiancée was around. But these days as you helped him plan his wedding day and became his wedding organiser, another part of an unknown memory appeared in his mind, little by little without any concrete context.
And it stressed him out more than anything, because he was afraid that he took a wrong path, or not knowing something that he should have remembered.
“I-I just feel like I have a promise to someone else, I guess.” He swallowed a huge lump, averting his gaze to the side, making him miss the way your eyes watered slightly. “And that someone else, that someone else is you! But I can’t remember what it was, I don’t know—”
“Jean.” You stopped him, resting your palm on his chest as you didn’t want to hear anything else from him. His copper eyes went back towards your face with pupils dilated slightly, wanting to calm himself down. “You don’t have to think about it.” But he didn’t need to try, not with you gazing at him with such tenderness and care that gave him contentment already.
Panting a little, he bit his upper lip since he was still stressed. He really wanted to know what it was, the promise that he made with you and why he said such a thing. There were no other sentences, he could only hear himself saying that to you in his past life, but he didn’t know the reason behind it, making him so anxious.
Though now, you were standing tall before him with a look that he couldn’t quite fathom despite how comforting it was to him. “You know I never remember anything from my past, Jean. Perhaps you promised something because we are friends, whatever it was though, it doesn’t matter.” He didn’t know anymore if you were trying to reassure him or yourself, but he listened to your words and took it all in. “It was nothing, okay? What matters is here, now. In this life where you love her again.”
His fingers gently wrapped around your wrist, subconsciously caressing it as he processed your words. He was a little bit of a hypocrite when he realised that. No matter how many times he didn’t want to get so hung up over the same woman that he loved in his past life, he ended up to be a hopeless romantic, thinking how beautiful it was to recreate something that happened once.
“Yeah, you are right.” He chuckled to let out the awkwardness that he felt before ruffling your hair a little. “You are always right. I am glad you are here in my life.”
Your smile only widened at that, and you couldn’t help but lean in and pressed a platonic kiss on his cheek. You didn’t realise how his body went frozen in place for a moment there, but as you pulled away, he already fixed himself and just gave you a cheeky smile, as if to tease him.
“Now go, go dress yourself to the nines.” You patted his chest one more time before pushing him forward. “Go! You are going to be the happiest man alive!” And he ambled away. Even though a bit unsteady, he kept on going, now with a more stable emotion.
For sure, there was nothing else that he should be worried about. You were here, you would always be here for him, the best friend that never left his side, just like Connie, Marco and Sasha. And he knew you were always right. Anything that happened in his past life didn’t matter.
What mattered was what happened here, now, and that was for him to be the husband of someone he had been in love with for the past few years.
You could only watch his back as he ran to a secured future that he always dreamed of. Standing there alone, you waited until he was gone from your sight, wanting to be there in case he would look back and needing some assurance.
But the second he was gone inside the building, you immediately darted towards the nearest bathroom.
There were a lot of things that happened in your mind right now; you wanted to throw up from the nausea that you felt, you wanted to cry from the lie you had committed to ever since you met him, you wanted to just move to another state and forget that you had a life here.
Although you knew it was not possible, not when your days had been filled with his existence, and even though you would always be the best friend in whatever life you had — you knew you could never erase himself completely.
Locking the bathroom’s door, you immediately collapsed on the seat that was placed in the middle of the room, wanting to calm down as you finally felt your heart break into a million little pieces. After years swallowing down the truth, after years you hid what you knew, the dam broke freely with no one there to fix it.
“Shit! Don’t leave me, please don’t leave me too.” You couldn’t feel anything as your body felt so numb, eyes looking up to the skies that were so clear you couldn’t see any clouds on it. “Hey, hey, look at me.” But then someone tilted your head so you could face him, and you were met with the familiar copper orbs that you always loved to stare at.
It was Jean, your best friend ever since the two of you were in the Cadet Corps. You despised his cocky attitude at first, not liking how he was so hostile toward others. Yet as time went by and you started to get to know him better, he was actually a lot more human than any other person you ever met.
You could feel his finger tucking the strands of hair behind your ear, as if wanting to see you more clearly. At first you were so lost, you didn’t know what happened right now and you wanted nothing but to ask him. But as you felt the excruciating pain at your abdomen, everything replayed at the back of your head.
One of the titan ancestors bit you, hard, and you were pretty sure you would have fallen by now, perhaps crushed underneath the colossal titans who’s currently splat everything in their way. Instead, you were here now in the arms of the man that you loved so much, and you parted your lips, wanting to tell him the words that you wanted to say.
You wanted to do it all. You wanted to scream at him that you have always been in love with him, you wanted to pull his collars and smash your lips with his, you wanted to stay alive and see the world with him and the others.
“Y-Yes.”
But from all the things that you wanted to do, you could only utter that one word, and you hoped he understood the meaning behind it. However, from how his irises widened after that, you were certain that he knew. Tears welled up in his eyes, and for once he didn’t care if he could be killed during this time for wanting to stay by your side at the last minute of your life.
“Listen to me, don’t say anything, just listen to me.” He swallowed a huge lump and held your hand, squeezing it tight since he wanted you to feel that you were not alone. “I am going to find you, in another life, I will. We are going to meet up, fall in love, get married to each other, have kids if you want that, anything you want! Anything, anything you want me to.”
Jean said it all in one take of breath, afraid that you were already gone by now. “I promise, I promise I will find you one day.” And his lips shaped into a thin smile as he saw your peaceful face. “We will be happy by then.” Whispering one last time before hurriedly pressing his lips on yours, giving you the warmth that you always wanted to taste.
You clapped your hands as you stood up from your seat, wearing the best smile that you could offer as you watched him leaning down to kiss her, to kiss the same woman that was fated to be loved by someone as wonderful as him.
Truthfully, you felt like a masochist for wanting to be here. There were a lot of good wedding organisers out there, but he decided to call you, using the same sentence that he chose you because he knew you would never disappoint — that you were the one who knew him best.
He looked so majestic with the white wedding suit wrapped perfectly to compliment his tall figure. You didn’t count how many times you wanted to break down seeing him in white like this, not when you already promised to yourself that you were going to do anything to make him the happiest man alive.
The smile that now radiated from his face, the tears that pricked at the corner of his eyes as he looked at the guest, it was enough sign that you did the right thing.
Even in this life, you knew that he was meant to be with her. When you received tons of miss calls from him a few months after the two of you had become close friends and told you everything about this perfect woman, you already surrendered your own happiness for his.
He sounded so excited that day, gushing at you about this one ravenette he met at the cafe. Someone with the most beautiful hair that he always saw, someone that you knew her name was even without him telling you first.
You listened to him, every single day, about how he wanted to be with her. He told you when he accidentally touched her hand; he felt a spark that felt so nostalgic, and he saw how he was kissing her in perhaps his past life. And when you received such information, when you connected the dots about the things that happened after you die, you immediately set that one goal in your life.
That, whatever happened, he had to get her. She always ended up being the one he loved the most, and there was nothing you could do to change that. Jean never gave any sign that he recognised you either, so you knew there was no point for you to ask him about the promise that he made.
In this life where there were no cruel monsters, you thought perhaps you would find love in the form of him. But it was not possible, not when she was his true love, and you had to accept the fact that you would always just become the woman who knew him best — nothing else but that.
And even though you had to endure the same pain that you felt in your previous life, watching the man that you gave your whole heart to be head over heels with someone else, you regretted nothing.
Because you were sure that you and your heart would make it through, just like you always did from the start.
↪content; canon universe, description of violence, season 4 spoiler, forbidden love, marleyan!reader, scouts!jean, chapter 139 spoiler
You stopped whatever you were doing in an instant, both hands freezing midair as a flock of birds suddenly landed beside you. That was strange, you never saw this type of bird flying around your house before. Those birds had silky white feathers and beady black eyes, some had their gaze fixated on you.
But then again, perhaps you shouldn’t have been surprised that you never saw them before.
It was not like you have been living here for years, no. For the last three years, you were here as a new citizen in a world where the fear of titans finally gone. Everything was at peace for years as this newborn country strengthened its military — under the command of the Queen.
Yes, the Queen, Historia Reiss. Never once you ever thought you would be living here of all places in the world, tending flower beds and watering plants. A Marleyan like you, the mortal enemy of those Eldians somehow slipped inside the society and even lived inside the innermost part of the country.
You lived in prime real estate located in the countryside; a medium-sized house with huge land, different compared to those gigantic and majestic buildings in the downtown area. The atmosphere was unique and you preferred this kind of house instead of the luxurious, blinding one. For you, this is home, and you couldn’t wait to share it with your lover.
“(Y/n)! Don’t stay too long in the garden!”
A familiar shout rang through the open area, making you turn your head to face them. She stood there with her comfortable white dress, maroon-coloured apron draped in front of her figure to make sure that any specks of dirt didn’t smear her dress while her brown hair sticking out from her tight ponytail.
“I will be there in a few minutes, Ma!”
You shouted back at the top of your lungs, knowing full well that her hearing was not as sharp as yours. She just shook her head in amusement at your answer since she could predict already that your few minutes could turn to an hour or even more. Just a habit of yours, though she wouldn’t force you to stop since it took your mind off things.
Just as she did by cooking some omelette and comfort foods as she too — waiting for someone to come back.
She had a separate house near the Queen’s residence, assigned there by her majesty herself. But ever since you knocked on her front door and introduced yourself to her, she decided that it would be better if she lived with you for a while, at least until her son came back. Until your love came back to your arms once again.
There were letters after letters being shared despite how out of reach he was from you. You lived every day in hope that his mission to make peace with the outside world resulted in success. Lots of prayers have been sung to whatever deity existed in this world, never once stopped for every day you woke up.
And today was just like any other day as you waited for him by occupying yourself with daily chores and a new hobby. You used to wake up to strategize the next move and train in the military, being a normal citizen was still a little bit bizarre for you.
Though you already told the Queen that if in case she needed assistance regarding the air force, you would be ready to be called.
Yet three years had passed ever since your arrival, and never once she called you to the military. You had a gut feeling that your lover might have something to do with it, so you could only hope he didn’t try to pull any strings behind your back and become the reason why you were never once interrupted.
Well, it was not like you didn’t want this. When you finally wake up without fear, without being afraid that you had to see another bloodshed, without being afraid to love whoever you wanted to love. This was the world that you have been dreaming of, so maybe, it’s fine to just enjoy it as long as you can.
Your fingers used to be covered with blood, now only covered with dirt and soil. Sometimes you couldn’t believe it yourself as you were afraid to go to sleep, not wanting to wake up and realise all of this was just a dream.
But it was not a dream.
It was all real — ever since that day.
Your whole body felt so numb as you stared into the distance, back leaning to the old building behind you, not understanding what actually unfurled in front of your eyes right now.
Everything was still replayed so vividly in your mind. His ash-brown strands dishevelled from the war he had been partaking of, chocolate orbs that filled with love and regret as he took another look at you, his voice — oh his deep, comforting voice that sung like a lullaby every time he spoke.
And then bright yellow light blinded your vision.
The impact of the explosion threw you off, back arching as your body hit a concrete wall. Your vision blurred, your head pounding from the impact. But you could still see the gigantic feet right in front of you — gigantic feet that belong to a titan, replacing where your lover once stood.
You saw it, the long, familiar strands of hair that you loved to caress, those eyes that now turned into the darkest shade of brown stared at you with an emotion that you couldn’t fathom. Then he jerked his head to the other side, jumping off the cliff with the other titans like a puppet whose strings were pulled.
There goes your love, that is what you already believe. Everyone knew about how once someone turned into a mindless titan, there was no way for them to change back as a human except if they ate the nine titan inheritor. And you didn’t put any hope over that, just slumping your body and surrendering yourself to the situation.
You didn’t know since when you drifted off somewhere as black filled your vision. But in your mind, you see him standing in front of you as he reaches out his hand for you to take. In your dream, you saw him playing around the backyard with a little kid that looked so familiar with him. In perhaps a distant future, you welcomed him home after a day full of hard work.
Then you opened up your eyes, disappointed as it was the same as what you saw before. The blistering heat attacked whoever was unfortunate enough to be outside right now, dealing with the monstrous creature as the fate of the world was in their hands.
But it was silent now, the roar of those mindless titans, booming footsteps that rumbling the ground, two enormous titans who fought each other before — it all stopped and gone as the only thing that welcomed you was a quiet, somewhat peaceful atmosphere.
With your legs still wobbling from the impact before, you looked around as you wondered what happened now. Finding no one in sight, not even from the Marleyan Military made you raise your eyebrows in confusion. Was it all done? The war between Eren Yeager and the alliance of Paradis and Marley? What happened now and where are they?
There were so many questions popping in your head as you forced yourself to check out the land near Fort Salta, finding some of your troops pointing all of their guns to the Eldians that somehow — turned back into a human.
That was the only thing you needed before you ran to where they were, ignoring the pain that surged your body for every movement that you made. You were fine, this couldn’t stop you from knowing the truth, this would never stop you from reaching out to the Eldian, to someone that introduced you to what it felt like to love someone.
Surely the Marleyan was just bluffing, you knew that all of the guns were already shot towards the sky before. But there was a possibility that they had another, and you couldn’t bear to see another bloodshed, not when you felt like there was no need to continue this war if the main enemy was already gone.
“If we did still have the power of the titans, wouldn’t we be using it to resist you?” Ah, was it true? That titan power was already gone for good from this world? “But the fact that we continue to be powerless even as you point your guns at us is the greatest possible proof of our humanity.”
He made sense, even as you stopped a few steps behind the Marleyan Military, you could hear the sincerity from his words. Yet somehow, your race still couldn’t accept the fact, not daring to lower their gun just yet. You couldn’t really blame them for doing so, knowing how much terror that they have seen just for the last couple of hours.
So you stood forward, dragging your feet as you ignored the surprised gasp from your troops.
“Everyone, drop your guns to the ground.” You still couldn’t hear any movement as you said so, and you clicked your tongue over that. “Now!”
Then one by one, you heard how the metal weapon fell to the ground like a symbol of peace. There were around twenty troops behind you, the survivors of the explosion before, the only people who lived from Marleyan Military after such a horrendous event. And they obeyed your command, believing in you that you would make the right choice.
You turned to look at your troops, giving them a reassuring gaze one by one that from now on, everything would be alright. Some of them were crying, some of them fell to the ground as they screamed out, out of frustration or relief for being alive, you couldn’t differentiate it anymore, maybe a bit of both.
Your job was done, for now, so you had to know what happened. You needed to know who was the man who stood in front of you now as his ocean blue eyes gazing at you with respect and gratitude. He gave you a firm nod, and you followed after as you straightened your posture.
“Then, who are you?”
“I am Armin Arlert, an Eldian from the island of Paradis. The man who killed Eren Yeager, the attack titan.”
The way he said it was absolute. Certainty was there and somehow you wanted to just let your sore body fall to the ground as relief started to fill your heart. But not yet, you had to be the commander of the air force unit, probably the only higher-ups left in the military here.
“Greetings then, Armin Arlert.” You started, giving him a Marleyan salute as he answered it by balling his right hand into a fist, resting it right in front of his heart after that. “I am the commander of the air force unit of Marleyan Military, my troops and I would do anything we could do to assist everyone here.”
For the next few hours, everyone who was healthy enough was assigned to take care of those who had injuries or any other casualties. You as the commander, trying to call and inform the military base in the capital. Solace flooded over you once again when you received the news that more than a half part of Marley was still intact.
You immediately called for backup, informing them to tell the whole world what happened in Fort Salta. This needed to be distributed now, that they didn’t have to worry anymore, that the world was finally free from titans. You told them all the little details about those who fought in the battle, you told them that it was thanks to the Eldians themselves that the rumbling stopped.
“It’s…” You trailed off as the chief on the other line asked you the name of the war that shook the world just now. “It’s the battle of heaven and earth.”
Today marked the three years of the world’s victory against titans. Eldians finally freed from the curse and lived a normal life like humanity in the rest of the world. Though, of course, doubt and fear still lingered in the heart of the people. That was why those soldiers who directly fought with the attack titan became the ambassador of peace, travelling around the world to tell their stories.
They were the ones who lived, the heroes who chose to fight humanity who always treated their race like an insect. They were those who chose humanity over their own life, the ones who cast their feelings aside and killed their best friend because that was the right thing to do.
And your lover was one of them, he was an Eldian, a soldier who was ready to sacrifice his life in war.
Jean Kirstein, the man that you met in a bar back then in Marley, the only person who could make you feel so bare as he painted you with affection.
The person who you would wait a thousand years if you had to, so long so you could be together.
You subconsciously touched your left fingers, tracing your coarse skin as you absentmindedly remembered the reunion that you had with him. Not the one where he shouted at you to stay back, not the one where it filled with painful tears as you saw him transformed into a titan in front of your eyes.
But it was the one that made you feel so full. After calling the capital and making sure the Eldian would be treated fairly, you finally could take a breather and sit just outside the tower in Fort Salta. The sun slowly turned into an orange hue that time, your body was all aching as the adrenaline from before started to wear off.
You didn’t turn your face away from the horizon as you felt someone sat beside you on the ground, not saying anything for the next couple of minutes as you and the mysterious figure just basked yourself on the peaceful atmosphere, something that was never there with how war and violence always filled the ground.
The orange hue slowly reddened as the sun hid behind the mountain, letting the moon take over with thousands of stars adorned the night sky.
There were no words being spoken as two bodies decided to scoot closer to each other as if there were strings that bound them together. You dropped your head on his shoulder, letting out a long sigh as the realisation finally sank in.
“I am back, (Y/n).” His voice was still filled with disbelief. “Just like what I promised you.” But it sounds the same as how it used to, lingering with something that you knew as love.
You lifted your head a little, wanting to take a look at him and scrutinizing his face. He was here, Jean Kirstein in a flesh. He was not a titan anymore, he was just an Eldian from the island of Paradis, a normal human, just like you.
There was a dingling sound as he fetched something from his pocket, your eyes never left his as you felt a warm metal slipped on your palm. He closed your hand after that, wanting you to know that he was real, that he finally could give back the silver key that he brought with him ever since in Marley.
You felt like you wanted to burst at the moment. You wanted to cry, screaming at him for fighting the attack titan despite being a mere soldier who didn’t even inherit the nine titans, you wanted to ask how he felt right now and what actually happened, there was so much that you wanted to say, so many words that you wanted to tell him.
But there would be a time for that, you were certain that you would have a lot of time after all of these were done.
So you just curled your lips into a smile, orbs glistening with tears as it shone with adoration, palm gripping the key a little tighter with his hand on top of yours.
“Welcome back, Jean.”
You patted the excess of the dirt in your hand on your black apron, finally done repotting some of the plants. When your eyes fleeted to the side, you tilted your head in confusion as the bird from before was still there, so loyal as it accompanied you for the last hour.
This one was different compared to the others. The birds that you saw before only had one solid colour, but this one that stayed with you had brown feathers on some of their features.
The bird just looked at you with wonder, tilting their head to the side as they jumped from the flower bed and landed beside you. Your lips immediately shaped into a smile, wondering why the bird decided to stay with you when the others left already.
“Hey, what are you doing here?”
You cooed at the bird, careful not to move your body too abruptly, afraid that they would fly again. Of course, you didn’t expect them to chirp, but maybe you could talk to them a little. And you could write it down in the letter that you sent for Jean later on.
“I don’t know why you are here, but don’t you think you should go back though?”
Those beady black orbs fell upon your face as if they understood your words. “You must have a family, right? Perhaps maybe a lover?” So you decided to keep on talking, throwing some random questions, conversing with them like an old friend. “Bet your lover is so beautiful like you, and they must be waiting for you, you know?”
“Like you wait for me?”
Silence. On the first second, the bird was in front of you. But now, they flapped their wings and flew, leaving you there with both pupils widened as a familiar voice rang through your ear. You didn’t understand why they suddenly left, but maybe, maybe it was because of the fact that you were not alone anymore.
That maybe because they knew your lover came back.
And so they would do the same and flew to where their lover was.
“Jean?”
No, he was not supposed to be here. From the letters that you got last week, he was supposed to be in Marley right now with the others. He told you that through the words that he scribbled down on the old paper, and you remembered how he would come back next month.
But of course, your eyes wouldn’t deceive you, of course, your ear could never catch the exact voice that belonged to him if he was not really here.
He stood around five feet apart from you with a cheeky smile that made you want to just slap it away from his beautiful face. His ash-brown locks slightly got longer, looking neat despite the wind that swayed some strands of his hair, and you wondered how many times he combed his hair to make it look like that.
Though you didn’t care about it, you didn’t care about how he was here right now when you were certain he should have been somewhere else. You didn’t care that you stumbled on some of the gardening tools as you ran towards him. You didn’t care if your apron could leave some dirt on his expensive suit.
What you cared right now as your feet brought you closer to him — was to feel his embrace once more.
You jumped right into his arms, chin resting on his shoulder as you wrapped your arms around his neck, not wanting to let go. Right now, you just wanted to shout and announce to the world that you wanted him for yourself, at least for just a few minutes, at least for a moment.
Everyone could call you selfish at this point you didn’t care anymore. For all your life you never wanted anything but a world without fear. And now as you achieved it, the only matter that could complete it was to spend it all with the one that somehow had half of your heart anywhere he goes.
You have waited for him for far too long. You always waited for him afraid that he wouldn’t come back to your apartment, you always waited for him with distress lingering at the back of your mind that he was not alive anymore when he was there on the other side of the sea.
But now as you felt the warmth within his touch, now as you felt his smile as his lips planted on the side of your face, you finally knew how it feels to live in a world without fear since from now on, you were free to love him.
He was too — free to love you as his real self, an Eldian, a war hero, Jean Kirstein from the island of Paradis.
“I am home.”
And as the two bodies basked in the warmth of a loved one, hand intertwined that clashed a silver metal band next to each other, they both knew that from now on — they were going to wake up every single morning and live their dream.
In a world where there was no fear, spending it in prime real estate with a significant other.
Earning the right to live a happy life for hopefully, a long time.
↪content; warrior!reader, aged-up character, graphic description of violence, slow burn, season 4 spoiler
Tiny footsteps belonging to you echoed throughout the empty hallway. Your forehead scrunched as a bead of sweat trailed down your skin, but you dismissed the discomfort as you needed to find your father, wanting some explanation.
It was around four in the afternoon, and you were certain that your father must be occupying himself inside his study, probably enjoying his coffee as he read some reports regarding the military advance. You always wondered why he got all of that information even though he was not even in the military, but perhaps the book in your hand was the answer to your question, and you had to find out more.
You were used to running around this part of the mansion — since you would spend some of your time here with your father when he didn’t invite the military higher-ups or some of his business partners for a meeting together. Truthfully, you could have waited for later after dinner to confront him, but your mind was already fueled with curiosity that wouldn’t die without being given the right extinguisher.
So you scurry out within an instant, far from the east wing where the library was located to the west where your father would entertain his friends and colleagues. In your small journey, you took off your mules and ran barefoot, ignoring the gasp from the maid that you passed in the hallway.
Panting, you felt the exhaustion course through your body as you finally reached your destination. Some eyes regarded you with worry beneath their intimidating gaze, but they knew that you had been running out of breath before, certain that it was nothing serious.
Two guards were standing tall on each side of the door, guarding your father’s study against the outside, and you were certain there were another two on the other side of the door. They didn’t give you any attention or warning, so you knew that he was not in some kind of meeting or too engrossed with work.
Sucking a deep breath, you hide the book that you found behind your back before raising your hand to the wooden door, knocking it with your knuckles several times, soft yet enough that it would echo inside the room. You heard the rustling of papers, probably from some of the military letters that he read.
“Name and busi—”
“It’s me, pa!”
Your voice cut him off in a gleeful manner, holding yourself from bursting hundreds of questions. If you wanted to know the truth, you needed to play your cards right. Well, what could a six years old girl do? Anything of course, especially if you were the only child (for now) and your parents loved you like you were their stars in the night sky.
You tried to hide your smirk when you heard the audible ‘click’ coming from the inside, followed by the door opening simultaneously. The sun penetrated through the windows, lighting up the whole room and the hallway behind you. A pleasant smell of cedarwood filled your nostrils in an instant, the unique scent that you knew embedded on your father’s suit too since he spent the majority of his time here.
There was a massive round table in the middle of the room, one where you like to sit when your father was busy with work but wanted your company. You would sit there without a care and boredom since your nose mostly touched the paper book in your hand, too engrossed with whatever literature that you could find within his study.
You didn’t need to go back and forth from the east wing and grabbed some books there. Your father studies already engaging enough with a wide variety of history, self-improvement, and many other philosophy books. The room would be engulfed with silence if that happened, but the atmosphere was serene and comforting to both of you, making times fly past naturally and just felt right.
“Well, isn’t it my precious daughter?” He stood up from his plush leather chair, dark yet warm eyes never left your figure as you skipped toward where he was. His lips shaped into a gentle smile as he watched how giddy you looked right now, with both hands on your back as if you had a surprise for him.
It was indeed a surprise, but whether he liked it or not was another story.
“Pa, I need to speak with you!” Your bubbly personality was always so endearing. You were witty, smart, wise — his little rascal but still had a personality like a noble lady when needed.
“And what do you want to talk to me about, my little star?” He walked closer before kneeling in front of you, levelling his eyes with yours. “Something serious? Something playful? Or maybe you just want to talk to me since you missed your pa so much?” His smile turned into a little smirk, raising one of his eyebrows in a teasing manner.
You jutted your lips at his question as your hands clench tighter on the brown books that you found before. Your father waited for any kind of explanation, but you didn’t open up your mouth, not even a little. But you suddenly averted your gaze away, pupils shifting back and forth.
He blinked, trying to understand what it was that you wanted. Your father then looked past you, finding the guards inside the room. It left a question inside his mind at the moment, because you never once needed to talk alone as you always threw questions at him without caring if anybody heard.
This would be the first time, and he decided to indulge you with it.
“Guards, you can wait outside.”
“Sir, with all due respect—”
“Please.”
The two guards looked at each other before giving your father a salute, answered with a firm nod from him. You stood still with your eyes closed as you waited until the sound of footsteps started to fade, not realizing the scrutinizing look that he threw at you. The second you heard a gentle thud echoed in the room, you let out a breath that you subconsciously held.
You were alone now, with your father waiting for any syllables to come out from your lips. A few seconds ago you were so eager, ready to burst out all of the questions that popped inside your mind. But now, as he gazed at you with a look that you couldn’t fathom, you started to rethink your decision.
Would he mad at you for reading the book that he strictly said was forbidden to read? He always kept it inside a glass compartment, telling you that it was filled with a history of mankind. The truth that someday he would tell you. So would he be angry if you knew it now instead of later?
“You read the journal, my star?” You subconsciously dropped the book as you never thought he could see through you like that. Your hands were shaking behind your back before you tightly grip your bow’s dress, fearing that he would not let you walk inside the library ever again.
Seeing the distress in your eyes, he immediately rested his hand on your shoulder, squeezing it gently as if to make sure that you didn’t have to be afraid. That whatever you did, you always became his little star, the daughter that he loved so much. “It’s alright, sooner or later I will tell you all of it.”
His voice was calm as he picked up the book from behind you, opening it right in front of your face as he checked that in case some pages were wrinkled. You still kept your mouth shut, waiting for him to say something more — because for sure his words before were still not enough to calm yourself.
When he looked at you again, you were averting his gaze and decided to look down. So he closed the book and reached out for you, holding your much smaller hand as he brought you toward his desk. The silence was deafening as he didn’t say anything afterwards, making you have to focus on the footsteps to dwindle your concern.
His hand was warm as it engulfed yours, squeezing it softly here and there as he plopped himself to his chair. With how light you were, he picked you up and tucked you gently on his lap, wanting to make sure that you were comfortable since it would take some time to explain everything to you.
“Now, can you tell me what you already know so far?”
It was now that you finally dared to look up, curious about the expression on his face. You should have known that your father wouldn’t be angry at you, he couldn’t, at least not towards you. His face didn’t even show any sign of resentment, he just sat there, looking down, and waited until you were ready to talk.
“Almost everything, I guess.” You finally dared to speak up, yet it still sounded so timid. “That King Fritz was not our enemy, it was thanks to him that the war is over.” Continuing your words, you swallowed a huge lump. “And those people on the island, they are not demons, but they are exactly like—”
“Us.”
He finished your word without pause, knowing what you were going to say next like he always did. Your forehead scrunched at this, lips turned into a scowl as you tried to understand the world that you live in right now. All the war, the hatred that Eldians received inside the internment zone, if only this true story was out in the public then they wouldn’t get treated like that, right?
“B-But why do we hide this information, then?” You croaked out, not believing that your family concealed such truth. “If people knew that King Fritz was the one who wanted peace, if only the whole world knew that Eldians did not want anything but to live like a normal human, they were not going to be treated like this, pa!”
You were begging right now, needing some answer that could justify the choice they made. It felt awful, like someone had put a blindfold on you all your life, whispering to you that the world filled with hatred and that because of your ancestors, because of the blood that flows inside your veins and there was nothing else that you could do except living through the brutal knowledge.
But it was all a lie, because your family could have made a change in this world yet didn’t do anything about it.
Your father just sat there, listening to your cries and complaints. He knew from the start that you were someone that would do anything for Eldians to be free, he often saw you sneaking around and talked to the maids, after all, questioning about how their children were at home and many other mundane things.
He didn’t have the courage to tell you, the reason why he kept the information to himself when he was warned by the current inheritor. He didn’t have the courage to tell you what lies across the sea, what slept inside the walls that the king had made. As your father, he didn’t want his six years old innocent daughter to know that the fate of the world was in their hands — the Eldian.
His lips turned into a frown as he realized. No matter how much he wanted to protect you from this cruel world, no matter how much he just wanted you to live and be happy without a burden on your shoulder, he couldn’t grant his wish.
Because soon, you would be the one in the family who held the biggest responsibility.
“You would know soon enough, my little star.” He gulped down, dark orbs gazing at your face as he was so tormented from this fact only. Your beady eyes shone under the orange hue that slipped through the large windows, making you look even more innocent, an angel to him and his wife as he cradled you like this on his lap.
Soon, and he needed to start telling you now how much weight you would carry throughout your life. “Once you inherit the war hammer titan.”
“Wake up!”
You sat up straight as you tried to inhale the air bit by bit, feeling like your dreams that you had just stolen the oxygen out of your lungs. No, it was not a dream, it was a memory that you had with your father. The day when you knew the truth, the day when you knew your responsibility and how you needed to keep a blind eye over it.
And for sure, hiding the fact from everyone was the hardest part. Especially when you had these people you called friends as you invaded the island of Paradis with the mission to take back the founding titan. You wanted to tell them the danger, or how the people inside the wall were not as different from those in Liberio.
But you had made a vow to your father to keep your lips sealed, no matter how much you wanted to share it. And you were not going to break that promise, not when you knew there was a high possibility that you wouldn’t make it back alive.
“I am sorry, I should have been more gentle.” Your gaze still cast down your lap, wanting to control your emotion first before interacting with the other warrior. “Nightmare?” But his gentle, mature voice was so endearing you couldn’t help but lookup.
His forehead scrunched in worry as you realized that he squatted down right in front of you. Large hazel eyes scrutinizing your every movement, and you felt so bare with how he seemed like he could see right through you.
“I am fine, Marcel.” You answered him a matter of factly, not wanting to prolong the constant worry that he had for his fellow warriors. “Sorry, I will clean up the firepit and be ready in a minute.”
“Oh, no need. I mean— you don’t need to.” He stood up, reaching out his hand for you, and you took it despite the confusion that was written all over your face. “I already cleaned it up, so you just have to grab your bag and we will be ready to continue our journey.”
“Marcel!” You exclaimed, stomping your feet to the ground subconsciously as your eyes drilled on his skull. “It was supposed to be my turn!” And your outburst of course caught the others’ attention. “You always do something like this, making sure that everyone could leisure around while you did all the work.”
“(Y/n), I am sure that he—” The glare in your eyes now fell to another victim, the colossal titan inheritor, and you could see him flinch from just being the recipient of your glare. “N-Nevermind, I will just, uhm, check on Reiner if he is okay.”
And just like that, he scurried off to find his friend, not wanting to interrupt your little tantrum that he was sure would subside soon.
Bertolt knew you, you were always a little cranky when you woke up, at least that was what he could see by the past three days as he woke up with you not far from him. You needed at least a minute just opening your eyes without doing anything, and after that, you were good to go. So he understood why you seemed so extra for what Marcel did right now.
You continued to scold the older boy who just stood there scratching his nape bashfully and apologizing for what he did. He didn’t do anything wrong, but you just disliked the idea that someone did something that was supposed to be your job. Though you always said thank you before taking your leave.
Feeling that you had enough with boys, you walked to Annie who was currently nibbling at some sweets that you gave her before at the boat that brought the companion here. She seemed to see your little quarrel but decided to keep silent, waiting for Marcel to lead the way when he was done fanning his reddened cheek.
Three days had passed after Marley dropped you off to this cursed land. Everyone had so much expectation for this generation, and the fact that a Tybur took part in the mission brought so much hope to the Eldians in your homeland.
Your father was right about the burden that you were going to have. All the expectations set the bar so high for you. So for that, he prepared you to be a reliable and strong individual. Ever since the revelation, he pointed a lot of private instructors to teach you all the basic things about self-defence, archery, firearms, and swordsmanship skills.
You were shaped to be the Eldian’s saviour in Marley, ever since you were six. And you would make sure that all your knowledge and experiences would be put to good use.
Marcel told you about the plan, and for now, they all would rely on Bertolt and Reiner’s titan since it was the most destructive and save the rest for later days. When he first told you about the plan, the two of you were alone, he liked to discuss strategy first with you because your mind was the most mature of all of them.
And all the time he told you about it, your mind always thought that it was so wrong for him to ask for your advice. You wanted to tell him not to destroy the whole outer wall, just one district was enough and everyone could sneak in already. But you knew the chances to get in were lower if there was not enough damage.
So reluctantly, you agreed. You told him that he was brilliant, telling him that it would work for the warriors. And after that, everyone would enrol in the military cadet corps, some would graduate to be a survey corps, while the others joined the military police regiment. It would need a few years to get by, but it would be the safest and optimal route.
Just a few years here and you could come back home, reading books and annoying your father even more. Though you were sure that your mother would scold you for spending too much time with him, she would want you to go horseback riding with her while telling some stories about the family.
Yes, everything would be just like before, and you couldn’t wait for it.
Your eyes fleeting toward the brunette who walked in front of you, his hair swept to the back, reminding you of his brother that was the complete opposite of him in terms of personality. Marcel was gentle, compassionate, reliable, all the things that you would expect from an elder sibling. Meanwhile, Porco was aggressive, emotional, and somewhat a little rude when he talked.
And the big difference between Porco and Marcel that you knew, was the fact that the younger brother despised you. The blonde often threw shades and mockery, telling you that you were not like them, how you were a spoiled kid, and could never understand what Eldian really feels with all the privilege that you had due to your last name.
But that didn’t stop you from wanting to befriend him. You could see through his harsh facade, he was actually gentle inside and cared deeply for all the warrior candidates. He even let his guard down that day when they knew Reiner would be the armoured titan inheritor instead of him, letting you sit beside him outside the headquarters as he let out a sob.
He wept silently when you put your hand on his back, comforting him through the single touch. That was the only push he needed before breaking down in front of you, cursing himself for not being a better candidate, that it was his fault for being too confident in his skill and not trying harder to get the military’s attention.
Oh, if only he knew. If only he knew the real reason why he was not here.
It felt like it happened such a long time ago despite knowing a month just passed ever since. You wondered what the other warrior did right now, more accurately, what was he doing right now. Maybe he had lunch with his family, or perhaps beating himself to the pulp and kept on training until he couldn’t stand anymore.
Knowing that was enough to make you frown since you really cared for him, and to think that he blamed himself for his failure broke your heart even more. Every time you walked, there was an extra weight on your chest as an ivory shark tooth pendant grazing your skin, reminding you of your days in Marley once again.
Especially the day when you received the necklace, something you never took off ever since.
And now as you walked right behind Marcel, you could only imagine that the brown strands were blonde instead. But you shook your head after that, knowing for certain he would have a longer lifespan, that he wouldn’t have to carry so much burden like the rest of you. He could enjoy his life, and that was what caused Marcel to put Reiner on the pedestals instead of him.
You didn’t remember since when you were getting left behind. Of course you could still see the fellow warriors in front of you, but they were a few meters ahead from where you were. It happened a lot, so you didn’t really complain since they knew sometimes you would need alone time.
It was not like there were titans around anyway, the Marleyan Military had assured you that the titans would only be there near the outer wall. So everyone should be saved since it was still halfway through the journey, no one needed to worry and be too on guard for now.
At least that was what you believed until you saw a large shadow looming from behind you.
The silence was deafening when you felt the air sucked out from the space around you, leaving you to stand there alone as you slowly lost the ability to breathe. Fear, that was what you felt right now as your mind could only conclude one thing — there was a titan, right behind you.
No, you still needed to finish your mission. You had promised your father that you would come back to him, you had promised your mother that you would come back home intact, even if it needed you a few years to grant that, as long as you could see them again, it was alright.
As long as you could come back and see him happy and living a beautiful life even when your term was going to end, it would be fine.
But you were glued to the ground, your muscles tensed and you couldn’t move your limbs to run, or just to evade that gigantic hand which now ready to crush your small body with its hand. Yet despite all that, you felt a strong push coming from your side, pushing you out of the way and snapped you back to reality.
You saw Marcel, his dark brown hair dishevelled as now his torso engulfed in the hand of a titan. He looked distressed, panicked, and he flailed his body around as he tried with all his might to survive, despite an impeccable fate that he already knew deep inside his heart.
No one knew where it came from, one second they were chatting, and the next as Marcel saw a titan running toward you, his feet moved on their own with one goal to reach for you. You couldn’t see it, you just gave him an empty look as you were just deep in thought a moment before.
He knew that you would be too shocked to understand what happened, he knew that you couldn’t move away when you turned to see what was standing behind you. And there was something inside his soul that boosted him to run faster, pushing you away as he decided to replace you.
“Come on, let’s go!”
He heard Reiner shouting at you who was still sitting on the grass, eyes focused on him as you tried to wrap your head around you. There were tears in your orbs when Bertolt and Reiner pulled you away forcefully, your legs even wobbled, and that was when the ravenette decided to hoist you up over his shoulder.
Marcel heard the shout, the pleading in your voice as you called out his name. The others were running to safety, but he could still see you as your hand stretched out for him, not believing that you would lose him like this.
“(Y/n)!” He screamed with all his might, hoping that you could hear what he said. Wide teeth already surrounded his head, and it was a matter of time before his world turned black. So he needed to say it, he needed you to tell his brother that his job was done for now. “Tell Porco I did it!”
Then he was gone as the jaw of the titans closed with his body in between it. He died in the hand of a titan who no one knew where it came from. You should have been cautious, no matter what, this island was filled with titans and you shouldn’t have trusted whatever the Marleyan Military said. And it should have been you, not him.
Your eyes never left the scene as you saw Marcel being devoured alive, starting from his head, slowly down to his hip. The details were so vivid and you were sure it would be engraved in your mind for as long as you lived. This would be your constant nightmare, reminding you every day what a cruel world you lived in.
And you didn’t know if you were ever ready — if someday you met a circumstance when you had to face Porco, knowing that his brother died saving you.
cw: camgirl!reader. fem!bodied. character study? fem & male masturbation. explicit details of getting off. jean imagining himself with you as he watches. jean praising you in his head? (good girl once). toys used. spit as lube. actual lube. let me know if i missed anything else!!
wc: 1.3k
a/n: first fic in awhile so please spare me. sort of just, ends. please spare me. thank you x1000 for beta reading @thegetoufather<33
There’s a sense of familiarity as the mouse hovers over your username, a faint clicking noise as your page loads up. The screen fills with the countless videos Jean has watched over and over.
But there is one, in particular, that seems to grab his attention time and time again.
It’s one of your older videos, but it works just as well.
The camera is askew, your voice shy from having to film yourself, movements sloppy and unrehearsed. How your hand seems to be unsure of where to go next. If you should keep them by your waist, or move them down past your hips.
And to him, it makes it more real.
That’s why Jean keeps going back to your page. He likes how your videos aren’t terribly scripted, how you don’t talk to the camera and make it glaringly obvious that this is a setup. He seems to like the innocence behind each move you make and how that plays through each video you upload.
Filing through numerous thumbnails, his eyes finally capture the one he’s in search of. The mouse hovers over the thumbnail, your head softly tucked into your shoulder as your lower half is hidden from view, not a single doubt flashes through his mind before he clicks on it.
Your voice is hushed as you call out to the viewer, talking about how they’re making you feel. Jean knows it’s meant to be for anyone, but for some reason, he just wants it to be him.
So as he continues to watch the video, he places himself there. Each action of yours is met with Jean mimicking it. Slow tugs from his wrist as he watches your slow thrusts. Shallow breaths as he listens to sharp gasps.
Oh fuck —
The sound of your voice is sweet as it falls on his ears, eyes casting downward as you slowly tease yourself, the little shake of your thighs as the slickened vibrator catches your bundle of nerves. The little silicone device buzzes between your fingers as you hold it against your clit. The pulsing sensation has more moans and gasps slipping past your lips as you increase the settings.
Feels so good…
Jean can’t help but groan out as he listens to you. Can’t help but wonder who you’re imagining as you pull the device away from your overworked bud, keeping it just far enough away that the pulsing makes your hips jump up to catch the feeling once more.
His mind drifts to questions of if you’d want him to tease you that same way.
Would you want him to slide his cock between your slick folds? Would you squirm away from him as he taps the flushed head against your sensitive bud? Gazing up at him with tears staining your cheeks as you plead for him to fuck you?
The lewd sound of spit gliding past his lips fills the room, the drop sliding down his length as his fist wraps tightly around himself.
Your hand moves offscreen to grab something close to you. A silicone cock comes into frame as you switch off the vibrator momentarily. Your other hand grabs the small bottle of lube on your bed, popping up the cap to apply the clear substance over the rubber.
Jean tugs harshly at his aching dick, watching the way you shudder at the feeling of the tip nudging your entrance. Singing sweet praises in his head as he watches you slowly ease the silicone into your cunt, watching as you whine from the stretch and whispering a silent, good girl, as you take all of it.
A stillness covers your body as you adjust to the size, your hand sneaking its way across your duvet to reach for that small device once again. The machine buzzes between your fingers as a shooting pleasure dances up your spine.
Keeping the vibrator snug at your clit, slowly your wrist pulls the fake cock back, your toes scrunching up as the fake veins drag along your walls.
Your mouth hangs open as each moan and whine falls past your lips at will. Each gentle flick of your wrist has your breath catching in your throat at the sensation.
Slowly, yet again, you push the fake dick into your battered cunt. Each buzz to your clit has your walls squeezing around the silicone. Your hips push themselves off the bed to press the silicone further into your wet heat.
Jean watches in amazement. How responsive your body is to each little movement of your own desire. His curiosity always gets the better of him as his mind wanders to himself there with you.
Slick clicking noises surround Jean’s ears, his fist moving in rhythm with your wrist. But the noise gets drowned out as he continues to study your body.
Would your legs be soft as he holds them to his body? Keeping them steady to his hips as he fucks his cock into your plush cunt? Would the fat at your hips dimple from the pressure of his fingers digging into your skin as he ruts against them?
His mind replaces the silicone with himself as the video continues to play on.
Sharp thrusts knock your body up the mattress, each push of Jean’s hips has them sitting flush against yours. Each thrust has you feeling every inch of his length as he fills up your cunt.
Jean’s pace is slow and meticulous, he doesn’t want to bring you to your release too soon, but he doesn’t want to leave you unsatisfied. So, each drag of his cock along your walls is met with gentle circles of his thumb over your clit. The calm pace makes your hips squirm beneath him as you beg him to go faster.
Because of his gentle nature, Jean doesn’t keep up the teasing for much longer, your quiet cries for him to do more are silenced as his hips pick up speed. His hands heavily placed on your waist as he fucks into you at a rougher pace.
Eyes roaming over your body, he drinks in the sight of you sprawled out beneath him. Watching soft thighs jiggle from the force of his hips as they meet the skin, fingers grasping at any bit of your body to get you closer to him.
The growing coil in your stomach burns as his leaky cock head nudges against the tender spot deep within you, your fists curling together as they capture the soiled sheets beneath you.
Keep going, please…
Every demand from you is met with every obeying action from Jean. His pace doesn’t falter, not even when he shifts his position just slightly, the new angle having him hit that spot even more as he fucks you.
Shakily, your hand dances down your torso as it finds its way between your legs. Your clit is practically buzzing as your fingers flick the hardened bud, your back arching deliciously to catch that feeling once more.
Soclose, please don’t stop…
Jean’s eyes flick up to the screen as he watches your cunt flutter around the rubber cock.
Your thighs are tucked haphazardly against your stomach, an arm trapped between the muscles as your wrist continues to work you to your orgasm.
Sloppily, you try to keep a steady pace as the silicone stretches your battered cunt around the length of it, your fingers cramping as the vibrator buzzes at your numbing clit.
A-ah! Cumming!
His head is swimming from his thoughts of fucking you that your blissed out face has him spilling into his own hand, thick ropes of white painting his fist and bits of his taut abs.
A particularly harsh tug of his cock has him curling in on himself, his hand sticky with arousal as he forces his hand away.
With the high washing over him, Jean swipes a tissue from the box sitting on his desk to clean himself up.
Before exiting out of the tab, his hand slides over the back of the mouse to click the plus button, effectively saving your video to his short list of favorites.
WARNINGS ⚠︎ manipulation, toxicity, taboo, gangbang/train, professor(s) x student, double penetration, oral (m.receiving), unprotected sex, bukkake, sir kink.
PAIRINGS ♥︎↝ prof!jean, prof!connie, prof!niccolo x f!reader. reader is at least 19+ and attends college.
SYNOPSIS♥︎↝it seems your three favorite professors all have something in common; they have an eye for you as their top student in class. but when your hidden secrets with them is suddenly exposed, you never expected your valentines to end up with all three of them in your guts.
WORD COUNT ♥︎↝ 4,100
NOTES ♥︎↝ this is for @haruchiyo’svalentines collab ! that one clip of jean, connie, and niccolo all together had me in a chokehold so i thought of writing a hot ass smut featuring them. wish all my lovelies a very slutty valentines <33
Lying is the most fun a girl could have.
It’s the best way to get whatever you wanted from men nowadays. Deceiving them into thinking your heart belongs to them and expressing how madly you’re “in love” with them. The college boys you’ve encountered hunt for one of two things; chasing a woman’s heart or carrying their mission. They make women as their trophy when she’s worthy of their reputation, or they finally settle down with what their heart longed for.
Oh, how managed to play well on both things.
It’s quite amusing to see how far you’ve come, having three different men wrapped around your finger. Specifically your professors. You know the game you’re playing is dangerous. You know what’s bound to come if the truth unfolds. But how could you resist the outcomes that feed your precious little ego? The pleasure, the rewards, the entertainment, the feeling of being desired and loomed over… All you had to do was blind your target with your radiance, stimulate their mind until their obsession over you worsens, and achieve your satisfaction out of it.
All it is to you is just innocent fun, a road paved to your entertainment and delight. Driving the dangerous wheels ‘till you break more than one broken heart. You believed that men were just so easy to toy around with. So easy to toy around with until you get bored.
The first man was your law professor; Connie Springer. Such questionable grades you had in his class lead to small conference periods and then tutoring sessions. He was curious. Way too curious. It took him one peak on your personal life, a fake narrative you made up of your struggle in college and at home. Though Professor Connie was skeptical of your made-up sob story, he was intrigued of you deep down. Taking you in, invading his mind everytime he sees you in class. It wasn’t until those discussions escalated; nonstop praising you for being a good, obedient girl for him during tutoring sessions.
“You were making it so obvious you wanted me to fuck you exactly like this. Bent over my desk just for me to ruin your pretty pussy… I’ll release all my stress out on you.”
You take thrill of how easy it was having him wrapped around your finger. It was a rocky process along the way, to fully convince the smart man that you feel the same way he does about you. And you finally got what you desired; the beautiful rewards. Good grades, a place for being his top student, and hardcore sex with him in his office after class. It’s just a fun game for you to play with his mind and feelings to get what you want.
Of course, you grew bored of just one man looming over you. You needed more. You needed the fulfillment and ego boost of playing with a man’s feelings for your own pleasure. It wasn’t until the second man, your culinary professor— Niccolo— was also enticed by you.
It’s fascinating to know there are various ways to win a man’s heart. One is through his stomach, and Niccolo’s absolute weakness is a woman who can cook well and bake sweets. Niccolo’s observed your culinary skills, slowly growing tantalized and captivated by not only the food you made, but by you. He was a good looking man to you, even treats you like you’re already his top student in class. To return his attention, you would leave special treats for him after class with a little note.
“Oh, baby… You taste so sweet. Grind on my tongue. Show me how much bad you wanna cum.”
Sweet treats and flirty little notes had lead to special “cooking sessions” with him after class. Sometimes you’d suck him off. Sometimes he’d let you lie on the counter and eat your pussy. He’d even bend you over the smooth counter, holding one leg up, and hammer into you relentlessly. You loved his dirty talk and the way he fingers you while you’re in his lap, able to make you squirt as lewd as possible. Filthy kitchen sex was the best reward for you when classes are finished and you were bored. When Professor Connie wasn’t available, Professor Niccolo it is.
A few weeks later, a unique scenario with another one of your professors gave you a different kind of fulfillment. English professor Jean Kirstein, the first man to fulfill his mission of chasing after your heart and not just your body. This is what you feared the most; the man wanting whatever you had to be morethan just a fling.
You wanted to ghost him. You wanted to break his heart right there and then. But you held back when Jean offered morethan just good grades, good rankings, and a good reputation for you in college. Outside of school, it caught you completely off guard when he satisfied your materialistic needs. Just as you satisfied him, he offered for you to stay in his luxurious penthouse for as long as you wanted. Aside that, he also offered to help pay for your tuition. He helped pay back your student loans. He helped pay for your car and even bought you a new car. He treated you with designer clothes, bags, shoes, and money straight to your bank account.
And all you had to do to keep a man like him in his life… was “love” him back the way he fell in love with you. He mentioned eloping with him when you graduate. As much as you found marriage and settling down repulsing, turning away from this opportunity would make you lose everything you had. And maybe deep down, the more you spent time with your sweet English professor, you had underlying feelings for him as well. You wouldn’t dare deny it.
Sex with Professor Jean was like Heaven on earth. He prefers to treat you with royalty since he cherishes you deeply, prefering to fuck you in his penthouse with a nice view rather than a classroom. In the car, in the shower, on his large couch by the fireplace… this fling was bound to become a secret relationship with him and you couldn’t do much except endure it for your own benefit. You loved it. You loved how whipped he was for you. You loved how he’d do anything just to make you feel good. Aside Professor Connie and Professor Niccolo, Professor Jean was the man you’d see every weekend.
“Look at how good you’re taking my cock. I know you love when I treat you like this. Let me kiss you again, sweetheart. I wanna taste your pussy again later.”
All these sneaky links with your three professors, yet you treat them all the same as an ego boost and for your entertainment. They were your perfect little boy toys. Professor Connie would be Mondays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. Professor Niccolo would be Tuesdays and Fridays. Professor Jean would be the whole weekend. It was all going according to plan for the past few months…
But it wasn’t until Valentines Day.
You nearly tremble where you stand, heart beating thickly and erratically when you found yourself cornered. You refused to speak, refused to move your body the slightest at how unprepared you were for the horror before you.
You see Professor Jean laid back in his seat, legs propped up on his desk as he kept twisting his ring. The same ring he gave you. Nearby was Professor Connie leaning against the corner of his desk, arms folded as his impassive gaze drifts to you. Then behind you was Professor Niccolo who leaned against the wall and stuffed his hands in his pockets. It felt like he was inspecting your body language and reaction, how you’d react to such a scenario you never thought would occur.
“You came,” you heard Jean speak darkly, the baritone in his voice reverberating in your head. In the back of your mind, you wished that he would speak to you like that when it was only you two. Curling his finger at you to walk to him as if you were having a punishment. Was it bad that you were slightly turned on by this, but at the same time scared shitless?
You had to think of something quick. Maybe they actually don’t know. Maybe they didn’t find out. Maybe it was just by coincidence all of your favorite boy toys were in the same room who knew you, but you didn’t know all of them at once.
“I— I’m sorry. I think I’m in the wrong room.” You quickly whirl around and grabbed the knob, ready to get the hell out of Jean’s classroom until Niccolo stretched his arm out and slammed the door shut, preventing your escape. The loud slam caused your heart to falter, chest tightening from your anxiety and your fear that they already know.
“You sure about that?” Niccolo rose a brow, his mutter so taunting yet chilling to you the same way Jean spoke earlier. Punishment could go various ways, and as much as you wanted it to escalate in the most filthy way possible, you didn’t wanna face theshame. It would tear your perfect ego. It would cost everything you worked for to fall.
But then again, did you truly belong to any of these men?
“Who told you you could leave?” The brunette professor spoke again. “I specifically called you here for a reason. We specifically called you.”
Professor Connie stood straight, adjusting his tie. “You know her as much as I do, Kirstein. She never listens until she gets punished. And she loves getting punished, am I right?”
Your body was growing hot. Your palms started feeling clammy. Behind was Niccolo’s presence creeping up to you and slamming his hands on your shoulders, causing you to flinch.
“You didn’t think each of us would find out who you’ve been seeing this whole time?” he muttered in your ear. “Such a coincidence that you’ve been fucking my close friends behind my back.”
“Ourbacks,” Professor Connie corrected, his nose flared in exasperation. “You told us that we were special. You told us that you’ve never felt this way about a man before. You said the same, recycled shit to us only so you could use us for sex and whatever you want.”
You needed to steer the attention away from the accusations and maintain composure. It was always your ego and feelings before each of them. But before anything else escalates, you resorted to putting on an innocent façade, victimizing yourself in order to set things your way and save your relationships. Play with their emotions. Let them know who’s in control. Make them fall for every pretty little lie you say.
“What. . ? What are you talking about?” you protested like a whiny puppy to Connie, slipping yourself free from Niccolo’s grip. “You’re the best law professor I’ve known and I’d never do that to you. I was nothing but sweet to you, Professor Connie!”
Connie frowned. “Are you kidding me right now? You’re gonna pull that card on me?”
“No, you wanna know what you really are?” Professor Jean stood up, his blank eyes narrowed at you like he couldn’t recognize you anymore. “You’re just a little whore, aren’t you? Letting anyone with a cock fuck you just to raise your grades? Give you money? Cater to your sweet tooth?”
“Woah, might wanna calm down on the names, Kirstein,” Professor Niccolo interrupted with a smirk. “She loves being called a little whore. She knows her place. But what she doesn’t know is that she’s also a manipulative, spoiled, dumb fucking bitch that’s only good for sex.”
“Really, Professor Niccolo?” you deflected at him, voice growing tender it almost made the man’s heart sink. “I’m the top student in your class and you were in love with the food I made. I admired you as the best cook and that’s how you felt about me the whole time?”
Professor Connie and Professor Niccolo exchanged looks. Professor Jean clenched his teeth, his jawbones more refined when pissed off. “You can’t lie to us anymore. We know what the hell you’ve done and manipulating your way out of this won’t get you out of here.”
You were running out of options. But that doesn’t mean there weren’t an infinite amount of ways this intervention could go. So, you resorted to something that could possibly save your relationships. You knew them long enough, assessing their weaknesses when it comes to you and what makes them much more enticed with you. Somehow, you can tell there was another underlying tension you sensed in the classroom rather than your dirty little secrets getting exposed. Jean kept narrowing his eyes at the two other professors speaking, specifically Niccolo right next to you.
“I— I don’t know what you guys are getting so upset for!” you consoled, darting your gaze to the three men and then to Jean. “I’ve always been good to all of you and now you’re shaming me for it? I’m sorry if I made you all upset. And Professor Jean, you know how much I respect you.”
You sauntered to the brunette professor with doe eyes and a coy façade, voice fading to a soft mutter. “How could you say that to your favorite student? After what I’ve done for you to keep you happy and… feel good…”
There was a pause. Professor Jean felt his heart somehow stutter. The honey in your voice as you spoke tentatively. The way your gleaming eyes weaved through his, and the lovely sight of your figure up close. His expression softened, but then faded back to frustration.
It was working.
These three men were whipped for you, regardless.
“I— I hate the way you’re trying to play coy. But at the same time,”—he side eyes Niccolo and Connie—“I hate how other men are making you feel good when it should only be me.”
“Oh, really now?” Connie retorted. “You’re fucking the same bitch as me and you don’t think of how I feel after finding out? You think you own her or somethin’?”
“She was never ours in the first place, jackass,” Niccolo hissed. “Not like you had a special connection with her anyways. You just fuck her after school and that’s all.”
“Shut the hell up! It’s not like that.”
“Oh, but did you have a special connection with her outside of school?” bragged Jean. “We’ve already had this fucking conversation before she came. I’m the one that had real chemistry with her.”
“Really? Just by helping her pay for her tuition and giving her matching rings?” scoffed Connie. “You can’t buy love with your fuckin’ money.”
“Yeah, and how do you know she loves you anyways?” Niccolo gibed.
The intervention was steering the way you wanted to be until Niccolo’s question. Although you secretly enjoyed the argument and having the tension turned away from you, you had to stop it right there. You had a perfect idea that just popped in your mind. And thinking about it excited you deeply, feeling your cunt furtively throbbing.
“Guys,guys,” you chimed in with your demure voice, stepping closer in the circle of the three men. “I thought you guys were all good friends, why argue? I know I’ve done some things I shouldn’t have done that caused this mess and I’m sorry but… there are better ways to handle this besides arguing.”
Niccolo gave a look that read, you thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’? Connie and Jean glanced at each other with underlying skepticism, until, you reach both your hands out and caress their arms as if you were closing the circle. A sigh falls from your lips when all of them had their eyes on you, once again blinded by your radiance and beauty that they fell for. Jean can feel your hand travel up his arm so tenaciously, the sweetness of feeling your hand sending a gut feeling in your stomach.
Even though they know what you’ve done, they can never resist the temptation of drinking the heavenly sight of you, desiring nothing more than to have you as theirs. You can see it on each of their eyes. They were possessive. They were enraged. They couldn’t walk away from this, let alone speak under your authority. Your provocation, your prowess, your muse… they can’t escape it.
“You know, if one of you can’t have me… then how about all of you have me at the same time?” you smirked, the deadliest smirk corner to wicked corner of your sweet lips. “You can do whatever you want.”
Professor Connie slanted his head, glancing at Niccolo and Jean, then to you. “Whatever you want, you say?”
“Whatever. You. Want.”
“You truly are a little whore, aren’t you?” sneered Professor Niccolo, inching closer to you to caress your waist until he squeezes your ass.
Professor Jean cupped your cheek, raising your face to look at him and nearly melting at the sight of your doe eyes. “Get on your knees, then. Show how much of a dirty girl you are for us.”
This is exactly how you resolve a conflict with your sneaky links.
In that moment, you were too elated. The sounds of belts unbuckling, slacks unzipping, and your soft gasps of desperation sent the professors ablaze. Like a pack of wild animals during a hunt, it was as if they came up with a plan and were carrying it out together as a team without the need for words. You offered your mouth and hands for them, catering to their hard cocks sitting on your face.
“That’s it, baby,” Niccolo sighed out, throwing his head back. “You know just how I like it.”
You can feel Connie’s fingers suddenly probing into your pussy and rubbing over your clit. You mewled on Niccolo’s cock as he fingered you while Jean jerked off to this sinful sight. It has been a dirty little fantasy you briefly thought about, to get fucked in the most nastiest and filthiest way by all your favorite professors.
“Aw, you must be loving this, aren’t you?” Connie held your chin when Niccolo slipped his cock out, his warm fingers feeling your tongue. All you could reply was a moan and a weak nod, your eyebrows furrowed when he kept fucking your pussy with his fingers.
“You’ll address all of us as sir, understand?” Jean said as his cock already coated with precum rubbed on your face.
“Yes— yes, sir,” you weakly uttered before he shoved his cock all the way down your throat. He grabbed your head and pushed it back and forth, softly groaning at the sensation of your throat around him. You never disappoint him with the head you give him.
Everyone in the room can hear how wet you are, how much you’re enjoying yourself. Your cunt was ready for all of them, so slick and puffy you couldn’t wait longer for them to make you cum. Your clit was ready, hard and twitching and straining from Connie’s stimulation; so cruel and merciless, just like anytime he fucked you during tutoring sessions.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Jean grunted out, hearing you choke on his sweet cum when he released in your mouth and coating his cock like honey on a stick.
“Get her on the desk,” said Niccolo.
The men were aggressive. The men were greedy. The men were like animals. You grew wetter and wetter with every rough move they made on you, like Jean ripping open your blouse from his impatience and Connie shoving your skirt up to your waist. He laid down on the desk and sets you on top of him in reverse cowgirl, his cock ready for you to sit on.
“You may have taken us one at a time, but can you handle us all at once?” Jean teased, his dick rubbing the folds of your open cunt.
“Fuck… please, please, please,” you whimpered, already overstimulated from such arousal your pussy and your thighs were glimmering with pools of wetness. “Please, sir. I want all your cocks in me. I want you to use me as you wish. Fuck me like the dirty slut I am.”
Connie spanks your ass from beneath, harsher on the side where your cute little devil heart tattoo was. “We know, baby, we know,” he sighed softly, chuckling along with Niccolo. “Sit on my cock, princess. You know what to do. Ride me and let Jean and Niccolo see how well you take me.”
You obeyed, spreading your legs further and inserting his dick into your cunt it made your head cloudy from the intensity. You proceeded to buck your hips back and forth, then use your lower body strength to bounce on him while circling your hips. Your moans were so uncontrollable, so raw and useless to maintain when he kept hitting the right spot like always in your cunt.
Connie held onto your hips and threw his head back at how good you’re taking him. Your thighs were starting to quiver. You can feel an orgasm nearing. You can feel all the tension build up. But before you were about to hit your high, Connie forces you to stop moving and slide his cock in your asshole, causing you to mewl louder. That’s when Jean dipped his cock into the combined wetness of your pussy, thrusting a few times that your mouth fell agape. Your pathetic moans filled the room, too brainless at how harsh the professors were fucking your holes. Niccolo stood on the desk and grabbed your head to make you suck him off. Your holes were all occupied at the same time.
“Fuck. You look so hot right now,” grunted Jean as he pushed your legs further to spread them wider. “Gonna keep cumming in your pussy. Take everything.”
Your cunt was becoming overly slick with the copious amounts of cum that was being pumped into it, dripping between your legs and onto Connie’s cock. Your ass was stretched, more than it had ever been, from the ongoing penetration then withdrawal of their cocks, with the different sizes and with different fucking techniques.
Soon you were bent over the desk, Niccolo fucking you while you sucked off Connie. Then you were on top of Jean while on the carpet, thrusting into you like an animal in heat as you took turns sucking off Connie and Niccolo. Multiple positions and multiple orgasms lead to a huge mind break. Not a proper sentence could be formed with such slurred speech and exhaustion.
You were a whore that was good for nothing but a fuck. A depository for the professor’s cum, just holes for fucking and a toy to torture. Your cunt was now battered and bruised, ass slapped multiple times raw by their strong, masculine hands, and both holes stretched and aching from the amount of cock. Even when they weren’t inside you, the continual pounding and the oozing cum throbbed in your walls. The professors let you on the floor again, releasing their cum all over your face and body. You were too drained to swallow them all, letting the rest of your energy allow you to mutter a simple, “thank you sir.”
You were left like that. Alone, draped in cum. But deep down you believed they still weren’t satisfied, and them stopping was just a break to recuperate their energy. By the time you fell asleep, you woke up in an empty storage closet, arms tied up above your head and yoir body in an irritating position. You were squatting, your legs tied together as well and spread far apart to prevent from closing them. Your mouth was also covered by ductape.
You feel something throbbing in your pussy again, making you moan pathetically until you realized there was a vibrating dildo taped inside your cunt. You kept squirming around, helpless and weak from the ropes, and the hot, intense sensation of the vibrator. It was dark. Nobody was outside. You had no idea how you got here, but all you could embrace was the torment of this forbidden pleasure. Cumming repeatedly until you make a mess of yourself, tugging on the ropes and shamelessly grinding against that vibrator.
An hour later the door opens to Professor Connie, smirking at you and the masterpiece of a little slut you were made into.
“Karma’s a bitch, isn’t it?” he chuckled. “You’re nothing but a sex toy for us now, understand?”
Since the cadets turned into kids you were more stressed than usual – between taking care of them all, doing your paperwork in time and helping Hange with theirs, it was a lot. Adding to this, your sleeping hours were cut in half as well due to kids never sleeping. You were overwhelmed and on edge, ready to snap at any moment.
“Levi,” you called him after lunch, “can you watch over the kids for a few hours? I–.” you took a deep breath, “I just have to take a bath and rest a little bit… it won’t be long!”
“Of course, take your time.” Levi kissed your forehead before leaving your room.
Levi went to the children’s room while you went to relax a bit.
“Where’s mommy?” Eren asked when Levi came in alone.
“She’ll come later.”
“I want mommy now!” Jean shouted frowning.
“Stop whining or she won’t come here at all.” Levi told them which made them all shut up.
They continued to play together when Jean came to Levi. He struggled to climb on the couch but succeeded and sat on Levi’s lap. He turned around so he could face Levi and asked.
“When is mommy coming here?”
“I don’t know.” Levi answered calmly.
“Play with us then!” Jean pouted. “Come with us.” Jean stood on Levi’s lap when Levi ignored him.
“No. Sit down or leave.” Levi told him in a harsh tone. “No, don’t cry.” Levi’s voice softened when he saw Jean’s tears. “I’ll come and play ok? Just… don’t cry.” Levi stood up with Jean in his arms.
For a few hours, Levi had to play dolls with the kids who were really into it – imagining complex stories, doing voices etc. It was dinner time when they all started to get tired of playing.
“Where’s mommy?” Armin asked shyly.
“Aren’t you all hungry?” Levi quickly changed the subject.
“Yay!” they all shouted.
“I’ll go grab something to eat then, don’t move.” Levi ordered before leaving the room.
When Levi left the room, Eren stood up and told the others that he was going to look for you. Sasha, Connie, Mikasa and Armin were against the idea knowing that Levi would not be happy about it, then there was Jean who agreed with Eren.
“Fine, we’ll leave without you!” Eren opened the door with difficulty.
Mikasa quickly followed Eren and Jean as well as Armin because lately, Armin got the habit of following or imitating Jean. Wherever Jean went, Armin would follow – whatever Jean was doing, Armin would do the same. Jean felt irritated when Armin follow or copied him, but he never said anything. He did once – the first time – and Armin cried which made Jean felt bad and he swore never to make Armin cry again.
“Where is mommy?” Armin asked.
“I don’t know.” Eren said.
“Just go to her room.” Mikasa commented.
They all run to your room and it was not locked. You were trying to sleep in your bed after a few hours of work when you suddenly heard the kids yelling.
“Mommy!” Jean yelled, jumping in your bed.
Meanwhile, Levi immediately regretted his decision when he came back to only two kids out of six. He asked them where the rest of them went and Sasha told him that they were looking for you. Levi took them with him and directly went to your room. Armin and Mikasa were clinging onto you while Jean and Eren were shouting and jumping on the bed.
“Stop jumping on the bed or you’ll break it!” you desperately tried to stop them.
“Eren! Jean! Stop.” Levi ordered in a harsh tone which made them immediately stop. “Y/N,” Levi said more softly, “are you ok?”
“Is mommy sick?” Sasha asked.
“No.” you said.
“Then come play us!” Eren shouted.
“Stop screaming.” you warned him. “And let go of me.” you told Armin and Mikasa but none of them listened to you.
“Kids, come here and let’s go.” Levi tried.
“NO!” Eren shouted loudly, “MOMMY! Come play with us!”
“Mommy!” Jean joined Eren.
“Stop calling me that!” you shouted back which made everyone shut up, “I am not your mother so all of you… just –.” you felt tears falling down, “stop.”
“Mommy?” Mikasa whispered worried.
“I heard shouting outside.” Erwin came in. “What’s happening?” he asked worried.
“Take the kids with you.” Levi said. “And close the door please.”
Erwin did not questioned Levi’s request and took the kids with him in his office. None of the kids wanted to leave you, but Erwin easily took them in his arms. Levi walked to you and wrapped his arms around you.
“Hey, it’s ok.” Levi murmured. “Let’s sit down.”
Levi brought you to bed and sat next you and let you cry on his shoulder. He would just hold you close to him until you stopped crying.
“I feel like shit.” you sobbed. “The kids probably hate me by now too.”
“They don’t.”
“Did you hear what I said? Th-they’re kids! And I- I just yelled at them.” you lamented, “I am the worst mother ever, and they’re not even my real kids!”
“I’m sure everything will work out.”
Erwin on his way to his office with the children saw Hange and brought them with him. Erwin, with Hange’s help, tried to cheer the kids up but they would not stop crying – they wanted to be with you and Levi.
“Is mommy going to leave us?” Armin sobbed.
“No!” Erwin said quickly.
“Y/N, she loves you all very much.” Hange said. “But you have to understand that she was… mh… very tired and she had a lot of work to do.”
“And sometimes,” Erwin continued, “you just have to let that person alone.”
“We have to leave mommy?” Connie asked.
“Yes,” Hange said, “but not forever. It would just be for a day so she can rest.”
“Is mommy not going to be our mommy because we made her upset?” Jean asked shyly.
“No, of course not.” Erwin reassured them. “I’m sure she’ll come back soon.”
Erwin and Hange stayed with the kids until night before Levi came in to put them to bed. Once they cleaned up and changed, they all went to bed without protest.
“Ok, I’ll turn off the lights.” Levi walked out.
“Daddy.” Armin called him before he closed the door, “Is mommy not going to say goodnight to us?”
“She’s n –.” Levi thought about it, “I’ll go and ask her.”
Levi came back to your room and you were already laying in bed, comfortably installed under the blanket. Levi sat next to you and rested his head on your stomach.
“The kids want to see you.”
“Aren’t they upset?” you worried, putting your hand through his hair.
“No, they’re just… they want to see you.”
“I should go then.” you stood up. “I’ll be right back.” you kissed him before leaving.
You walked very quickly toward the kids room and when you opened the door, you noticed they were all still up even though the lights were off. Sasha was the first one to see you and she jumped out of the bed to hug you.
“Hey.” you smiled, kneeling down. “Aren’t you sleepy?”
“No.” Sasha smiled.
“Let’s go back to bed alright?”
You sat down on the bed next to all the kids – they were all staring at you, waiting for you to talk first.
“I’m sorry about what happened earlier.” you apologised. “I should never have yelled at you kids.”
“Don’t stop being my mommy please.” Eren frowned.
“We’re sorry mommy.” Jean said with teary eyes.
“No don’t be.” you comforted them, “I love you all very much.” you smiled.
You opened your arms and they all came to hug you, smiling and happy.
— They sleep between you two — captain dad and squad leader mum.
Armin:
Armin had a nightmare about you leaving for an expedition and not coming back to him. He had Levi coming back devastated and not talking to him or anyone. A stranger – someone from your squad – had to tell him the news that you were never coming back. He woke up panicked and ran to your room. You and Levi agreed that the doors to your room would always be opened if there were any problems.
“Mommy! Daddy!” Armin came in crying.
“Armin?” Levi woke up. “Hey what’s wrong?” he put Armin between you too.
“What’s wrong?” you asked still half asleep.
“Mommy!” Armin cried next to you which woke you up instantly.
“What happened?” you panicked. “Armin, it’s ok.” you patted his head, “I’m here.”
“You didn’t come back.” Armin sobbed.
“What?” you whispered looking at Levi.
“I don’t know.” Levi mouthed.
“Armin,” you wiped his tears away, “what happened?”
“Bad dream.” Armin sobbed harder. “You were n-not here and daddy was s-sad! An-and he wasn’t w-with me!”
“Armin, it’s ok.” you reassured him, “I’m here and daddy’s here too.”
Levi laid on the bed and put Armin next to him. You took the blanket and put it on the three of you and soon enough, Armin calmed down and fell back asleep. In the morning, Armin was found to be sleeping on top of Levi, with his hand resting on Armin’s back so he would not fall.
“This is too much for my heart.” you whispered to yourself.
Jean:
Jean had been feeling slightly sick for the past couple of days but did not tell anyone. He stayed in bed when it was time to eat dinner and you were worried at first which made you bring him dinner but he was asleep already. You brought back the tray and gave it to the kids who were not against the idea of eating more.
Jean woke up in the middle of the night, still slightly sick and extremely hungry. He discreetly go out of bed and went to your room. When Jean came in, he noticed lights were still on – Levi was still awake, probably working.
“Daddy?” Jean asked timidly. Which startled Levi.
“What are you still doing up at this hour?” Levi whispered, scared to wake you up.
“I’m hungry.” Jean admitted.
“Come here.” Levi put away his papers.
Levi took him in his arms and put him on the bed between you two which woke you up.
“Mh. What’s wrong?” you mumbled.
Jean turned his head toward Levi so he could answer for him.
“Jean’s hungry.” Levi said.
“Mh – I’m up.” you dragged yourself out of bed slowly. “I’m going to bring you some food alright?” you patted Jean’s head and noticed his forehead was a little hot. “Are you sick Jean?” you asked worried.
“No.” Jean answered.
“Jean, don’t lie. Are you sick?” Levi asked again.
“I don’t know.” Jean said looking at his hands playing with the blanket.
“Jean,” you said softly, “it’s ok. I’ll go and bring some hot tea too alright?”
You went to the kitchen and prepared some food and started to boil some water as well. You took two cups – one for Jean and another for Levi - and poured some water in it with the tea leafs. You put the smashed potatoes and the vegetables on a plate and put everything on a tray before going back to your room. Levi started to feed Jean while you prepared a cold towel for Jean.
“Jean, what did you forget earlier?” Levi said when you came back.
“Thank you mommy!” Jean smiled.
“You’re welcome baby.” you smiled back.
When Jean finished eating, Levi offered to cleaned it up while you put Jean to sleep. You thanked him and went back to bed. You put the cold towel on Jean’s forehead and laid next to him.
“You can sleep now.” you rest your hand on Jean stomach.
“Good night mommy.”
“Good night.”
“Good night daddy!” Jean said when Levi came back to bed.
Eren:
Just like Armin, Eren had a nightmare that night. When he first woke up, he tried to go back to sleep because he did not want to bother you nor Levi. But after thirty minutes of trying, he went to your bedroom. This time, both of you were asleep.
Eren hesitated a second about whether he should wake you up or not. He quickly decided not to and laid on the floor. Levi woke up not too long after Eren came in because he was thirsty. He only noticed Eren’s presence when he came back from the kitchen.
“Y/N.” Levi whispered
“Mmh?”
“Eren’s on the ground.”
“Mh.” you mumbled, “What?” you asked again a minutes later – your eyes wide open.
“Look.” Levi pointed at Eren.
“What is he doing on the ground?”
“I don’t know.”
“Bring him here.” you told Levi.
“You do it.” Levi argued.
“I’ll wake him up.”
“And I won’t?”
“You never did when I used to fell asleep in your office.” you reminded him.
“Fine.”
Levi miraculously brought Eren on the bed without waking him up and put him between you two. During the night, Eren ended up on Levi’s left side meaning Levi was in the middle. While he had his arms around Eren – so he would not fall – you had yours around Levi.
— Sasha and Connie would often sneak out and sleep with you and Levi.
— Mikasa never did. When she had nightmares she would only hug her teddy bear closer. She was scared to bother you. Once she did wake Sasha up and slept closer to her.
——————————
Shorter Stories
— Mikasa was known to be always quiet – she was afraid to bother people especially you or Levi. Even when she was hurt, she would stay quiet. Once during a meeting, she accidentality cut herself with a piece of paper. It was Eren, ten minutes later who had to tell you.
“Next time, you tell me immediately ok?” you told Mikasa as you cleaned the cut.
“I’m sorry.”
“What for?”
“You had to leave for me.” Mikasa explained.
“You are more important than the meeting, so next time just tell me alright?”
Mikasa only nodded and followed you back to the meeting.
— Jean is known to be a momma’s boy – he would always stay with you and play with you rather than Levi. He often cried when you had to leave without them. He loved to be held by you, he knew how to walk perfectly, but he would rather stay with you.
“Stop spoiling him.” Levi would often say to you.
“I can’t help it. Jean is adorable!”
When others were watching over the kids, you were the one Jean would be asking for, not Levi which surprised you when Hange came because Jean hurt himself while playing.
“Jean’s at the infirmary – nothing serious though!” Hange quickly added.
“I’ll go.” you stood up.
“Mh…” Hange stopped you, “he asked for Levi.”
“Are you sure?” you asked them.
“Yes.”
“Oh,” you gasped dramatically, “did you hear that?”
“What?” Levi asked ready to leave.
“My heart being broken by that kid.” you threw yourself back to bed.
When Jean got better, he immediately came back to you. You tried to be mad at Jean – in a playful way – but when you saw him nearly crying, you apologised and let him stay with you.
— The kids were staying with you in the morning, and it was decided that Levi would watch them after lunch because you had work to do with your squad. You were holding Eren in your arms and he refused to let go of you when Levi arrived.
“I want to stay with mommy please!” Eren cried holding onto you.
“Eren,” you calmed him down, “I will be back really quick, I promise.”
“Noo!” Eren cried as Levi took him.
Eren was desperately trying to hold your arms, but Levi was swift. Eren leaned over and grabbed your hair and pulled it which made you scream and lose your balance.
“Eren!” Levi yelled putting him down. “Y/N, are you ok?” he knelt down.
“I’m fine.” you reassured him, “it’s ok.”
“Mommy?” Eren hesitated.
“Eren,” Levi started, “go to your room with the others.” but Eren did not move, “right now!” Levi ordered.
“Levi.” you put your hands on his face, “I’m ok.” you turned to Eren who was now crying silently. “Eren, it’s ok, I’m fine.”
“’M sorry mommy!”
“It’s ok, now go with daddy and listen to him ok?”
Eren nodded and took Levi’s hand and left.
“Sorry daddy.” Eren sobbed.
“Mh.” Levi answered. “Don’t ever do that again am I clear?”
“Never!”
——————————
Short HCs:
— Sasha’s birthday happened that year when they were still kids. You all baked a cake together.
— Connie would often draw pictures of you all as a family during meetings.
— Erwin loved staying with the kids. He would often put them to bed.
— Hange loved the kids too – they would always play with them outside with Moblit, Mike and Nanaba.
