#taking a break

I think i’m going to be taking a break from tumblr for a while. I’m tired of feeling low, nd going on tumblr only feeds deeper into that feeling, and while I’m trying to recover from my restrictions, coming onto tumblr to see what I see if only making me fail, I love yhu guys, nd I hope all of yhu stay safe, feel free to use my dm’s and ask box as a venting place, i dont know when i’ll be back. But I’m gonna try my best to just recover. I dont like feeling like this and honestly i just want to move on in my life, no, this break isnt gonna fix everything, but im hoping it’ll help cause im tired of feeling lower than i should be. I just want to learn to love myself for who i am instead of hating who looks back at me in the mirror. Stay safe everyone.

If yhu want to text me here’s my info:
Instagram: _gi._.vin.gu__p._._slo_wl.y_
Discord: mossy corpse#1629
Facebook: Braylyn Echo

golden-west:

have the next 4 disney film sets drafted for my disney meme

I’m on hiatus…indefinitely.

I realized that I’m just not having fun anymore and that I feel a sense of dread when I open the Tumblr app.

It’s hard to keep the passion alive when 70% of your notifs are spam likes from blank blogs and rude anons demanding more content. I just feel like a machine who is expected to keep churning out fics with no feedback or interaction.

Part of the reason I loved writing fanfic over writing original stuff was the sense of community. I loved getting feedback, and it helped keep me motivated in a way trying to write my own novel never did. Now that motivation is gone. So I might as well focus my time and energy on the original stories I’ve been neglecting.

To my mutuals and the friends I’ve made on here, I appreciate and love you so much! I’ll still be around to talk to so don’t be afraid to send me messages!

To those of you who reblogged and interacted positively, I’m sorry. I feel guilty for not finishing my series. Maybe I’ll drop a new update every now and then but no promises.

I’m sorry.

sorry i’ve been m.i.a. i haven’t really had any motivation to write. plus i’ve been talking to someone and he’s been taking up a lot of my time.

i’ll try to put something out when i feel like i can write. but for now i’m gonna focus on me and take a break from this app.

i’ll still be on occasionally. reblogging and posting random updates. but as for actual fic writing i won’t be doing that for a while.

hope you all understand. love you all so much <3

I’m sure it will come as no surprise to people, but last night Reaction Junkie and I are taking a break. It was going to be a break up, but we decided that it didn’t have to be.

The plan is that we aren’t going to be out of each other’s lives, and he thinks not much has to change, except that we won’t be dating anymore. I hope he’s right, and that shift in perspective helps.

It’s going to be really hard. I keep thinking about how I’m going to feel as he starts flirting more heavily and playing with people more frequently. It’s going to feel like he hasn’t been affected. I know that’s not true, but he doesn’t emote the same way I do, and he doesn’t have as difficult as time with social stuff.

I’m kind of at loose ends. I’ve been feeling really disconnected lately, and like he’s the only person I feel connected to and the only person I’m truly comfortable with. And yeah, that’s too much for him, but it’s still true.

He said he thinks I need to do this to widen my perspective, and he’s probably right. He noted that we had incompatible wants from a relationship. It sucks, because initially I wasn’t really looking for anything serious or long term, either. I was surprised to find myself falling for him. And at the time, it seemed like he had started wanting it, too. But I kept wanting it, and wanted more. And he didn’t want more.

One of the tricky things is figuring out where boundaries are. In the scene and with nonmonogamy, the lines between friend relationships and dating relationships and play relationships are blurred. Figuring out what we can and can’t do is going take some time. We’re definitely not spending lots of time together, and we won’t be playing for a while.

Interestingly, whether or not I should take my collar off was one thing where he was as uncertain and hesitant as me. I wonder if that’s a way we’re holding on to some of the really good memories of our relationship. We haven’t really done d/s in a while, and I guess we won’t for a while more, but taking the collar off would seem, to both of us, I think, like a solid move in a direction, and might feel more final than either onus want.

We’ve both known for a long time that it needed to end (as has everyone around us), and even though we’re framing it as a break, it’s still an ending. I’m sad and I’ve been crying on and off since we talked and I’m sure that will continue for a while.

If people want to send nice messages or cute animal videos or pictures, that would be lovely.

I’m not the only one of us out there who works full time whilst running their blog and youtube channel, there’s hundreds of us and it takes one hell of a lot of dedication, motivation and hard work to keep it up. 

Someone posted something on Facebook the other week about how some people only do things so they can put it on social media and for reasons unknown it rattled my cage a little. It seems to me that those who aren’t in the blogging community or social media game just don’t realise how much work goes into running a blog or a youtube channel or sometimes don’t even understand why we do it all. 

There are so many things I wouldn’t have been able to do if it weren’t for my blog and so much I’ve documented that I wouldn’t normally have bothered with - I can’t wait to watch or look back on it all in 20 year’s time and smile. Yes we’re always on instagram posting mundane photos of every day life, updating our statuses, checking in or tweeting random thoughts but why not? The technology is there so we should use it, enjoy it and make our virtual timeline as vibrant as possible. If the initial motivation to do something interesting, fun or different is so that we can blog it or get an amazing photo then does it really matter? It means we’re getting out there, doing more things and ultimately enjoying life to the fullest. We’re also pushing ourselves outside our comfort zones in some cases which without social media may not have even happened.

It’s a lifestyle choice, a mind-set and a sometimes hell of a lot of work  but we do it because we love it and that’s the way it should be. Sometimes however there can be a lot of pressure and some pretty tight deadlines that take a little bit of that love away. It’s when you lose that love that you need to take a step back and if your readers enjoy your blog and respect you as a blogger they will understand you dropping your content output to every other day or if your tweets aren’t as frequent as usual. Those who do produce content every day - or sometimes even more - are usually able to blog full time (or are sweating a little behind the scenes!) so don’t feel inadequate for doing a little less. I work around two weeks in advance with my posts and take Friday, Saturday and Sundays off, I also plan my youtube videos a month ahead so I know what I need to film and when - without a queue feature I don’t know what I’d do!

Clever scheduling tools aside it still takes up a big chunk of my life outside of work and so i’ve decided to take a bit more of a back seat for the summer and drop my output slightly so i can enjoy the nice weather and spend time with friends, family and the bearded one. I’ve got books to finish reading, dresses to make with mum, kickboxing belts to achieve, mud runs to race and a whole lot of adventures to have, and although the evenings are long with the sunshine plentiful, sometimes there still aren’t enough hours in the day! I’m really proud of how far xameliax has come and i love my little blog even more than i did at the start (which is a real achievement for me), so it’s incredibly important to look after that love and keep my posts fresh not forced. I’m not going away forever, but you might notice a day or two missing a post and maybe won’t see everything i’m up to on my social sites for now - sometimes it’s nice to have a few things just for you and your special people to share.

I suppose the moral of this little rambly post (apart from explaining my mini hiatus) is to say a huge well done to everyone who blogs and works full time together – it takes a lot of time and it’s an incredible feat to create your own virtual organized brain space. But don’t kill yourself trying to keep up with others who have more time or try to live up to what you think a normal amount of content is. Post for you and protect that passion, don’t let deadlines and pressure ever take that away and never let those who don’t enjoy or understand social media the same way as we do make you feel lame for posting.

We’re making memories and leaving our little stamp on the world - here’s to us and all our updates, regardless of how many people are reading!

xax

I want to apologize for my absence recently. In the past two weeks I’ve gotten some more bad news in an already difficult time. This week especially. So I will be absent for a while to spend some time coping and making a game plan.

I do want to say one thing: I know I’m not in the U.K. but it is the island of my ancestors.

I want to send each every one of you Brits my deepest condolences and also my love in regards to the tragedy at the Grenfell tower. Seeing what was once a home to so many and is now a tomb has gutted me and so many of my fellow Americans, especially because it was something that could’ve been avoided.

But seeing so many of you out helping and supporting your communities is so wonderfully uplifting, especially in light of what you’ve been put through this year alone.

You’re good eggs, my British friends. Take care of yourselves and I’ll be back soon.