why is nobody talking abt how gross and hard it is to swallow a bunch of pills in an attempt to overdose like they taste horrible and maybe it’s j me but taking a bunch of pills at once is so hard?
A/N: if you or someone you know is going through something you can ALWAYS text me. The suicide hotline is 800-273-8255. there is always another way and people WILL miss you. also, not my gif :) I’m obsessed with dad!Steve and he just seems like he’d be a great dad. idk. i love him
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With a pounding headache, you get yourself out of bed and into the bathroom for some Tylenol. Using one of your small throw-away cups for water, you toss the pills to the back of you tongue and swallow them, along with the water. Looking in the mirror, you start to remember last night. All the thoughts start coming back to you. You pull up your hoodie sleeve, revealing the bandage that covered your cuts. It’s okay. Today’s a new day… I can hide.
The ringing of your phone pulls you out of your thoughts and towards your bedside table. Its Peter. He texted you several times last night after you had fallen asleep. I didn’t say “goodnight”… You answer your phone and hear a worried voice on the other side.
“Y/n? Babe? Are you okay?”
“Yeah, yeah. I’m okay, Peter. Im okay. Sorry, I fell asleep before I could text you and let you know. I had a long day yesterday and was just extra tired, I guess.”
“Oh, I’m sorry… You’re okay, though?”
“Yeah, I’m good. Just tired.”
“Its still early. You should go back to bed. Sleep in today, ya know?”
“Yeah, I know. But I’ve got a busy schedule today, so it’ll have to wait. I’m okay, Peter, really.”
“Okay. Well, maybe try to go to sleep early tonight? You need the extra sleep.”
“We’ll see. I’ve got to go. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”
“Okay, babe. I’ll talk to you later. Bye”
“Bye, honey”
Lying to Peter like this… you hate it. You know its not fair to him. He’s been nothing but kind and caring to you since the beginning. But oh boy.. if he found out you were doing this to yourself… Its for the best, right? Right…
You start the water for the shower while you slowly undress yourself, careful not to re-open last night’s cuts. Next, you brush you hair thoroughly, getting out each and every knot. Stepping into the warm water, you feel a small sense of relief. You don’t need to worry ahout anyone seeing you while you’re in the shower. This is the only time you truely get alone. Every other time of the day, anyone can walk in your room and start talking. But now… now you’re alone. It’s just you and the sound of running water.
Pulling yourself from your thoughts once again, your body is put on auto-pilot and you get done what you need to: washing and conditioning your hair and scrubbing your body while being careful around your arm. Once you come back to reality from zoning out, you realise that you’re clean, dry, and out of the shower. You wrap up your arm to help cover what you did the night prior. You put on a pair of your favorite leggings, a workout top, and a thin sweatshirt.
Finally downstairs with the rest of the team, you say “good morning” to everyone.
“Good morning, y/n! How’d you sleep?” Clint said, sounding cheery as usual.
“Pretty good. How about you?”
“I’m swell. Thanks for askin’” He seemed happy. How can someone be in such a good mood allllll of the time? That just can’t be normal…
“Yeah. I think I’m gonna go workout. I’ll talk to y'all later.”
——————–
“Hey, guys. Is it just me, or does y/n seem to be acting different lately?” Steve seemed a little more worried than usual. The only people left in the room were Clint and Bucky.
“Different how?” Clint seems to notice some of the little things since he has kids of his own.
“I don’t know… She’s been more distant lately, I think. I’ve noticed that its been going on for a couple weeks now. She stays in her bedroom more. And some days she barely eats at all, but other days she eats more than she usually does.”
“Have you talked to her about it? If I need to, I can try.” Bucky always got y/n to talk whether it was just about a regular school day, or about her nightmares. But it wasn’t forceful. She felt comfortable enough to talk to him about these things. Peter too. Those were her two people. Of course she could always go to her dad, but its not the same. She doesn’t want to worry her dad more than she already has.
“I think I’m going to try to talk to her again. Last night, I told her that we’d have to talk about it. I’m not the only one who’s noticed it, am I?”
“No, I’ve noticed some things too. I was going to talk to her about it a couple days ago but ended up being busy and honestly forgot. I’ve got some training to go teach some kids now, so I’ll see ya later. Let me know how the talk with her goes.”
“I will, thanks.” And Clint leaves. He’s always showing some kids how to do tricks or self defense or something of the sort.
“I agree. She’s definitely been acting different than usual. She usual talks to me about these things though. She hasn’t said anything to me about it though. Could it be Peter? Last I heard, they were doing good.”
“No, I don’t think so. I asked her last night. She said it definitely wasn’t him. She said she was just tired. That can’t just be it though, right? I’m not crazy, am I?”
“No, we’ve all noticed a little something too. Let me know how it goes.”
“I will, Buck. Thank you. She loves you, you know that? You’re one of her favorites.” He said it with a small smile. Seeing his daughter bond with him like he used to is good for him. The two most important people in his life are just as close as he is with each of them. Thats all he can ask for.
I finally got to ‘The End’ in my spn rewatch and I cant help but wonder, if after everything, Dean confides in Jack that he still regrets not being able to do anything to help Endverse!Cas and Jacks like “oh my dad is sad in another reality???? I’m God!!!!! Lemme just pop on over there and fix that!”
