the song is hail to the victor by thirty seconds to mars and i did not intend for it to capture the vibe of this so well but it did skldfjlskd
tw: kinda graphic descriptions of murder, blood, misgendering/deadnaming- but the character doesn’t know what gender they are yet, assassination, drugs
Another life, another love
Viktoria was going to be Queen one day.
That was what she said to herself at least, pacing the halls of the castle.
She knew it was a lie. Her mother had been a maid, her father had been a servant, and she-
Well. She was the scum of the earth, it seemed.
The King’s daughter ran past the window outside. Her dress billowed in the wind as she ran, bare feet touching the ground only for a second before lifting off again, almost like a rabbit.
She was beautiful.
Viktoria hated her.
She had everything. She wasn’t avoided like the plague, she was revered and treasured and so pretty Viktoria nearly swooned every time she saw her and-
Viktoria hated her, she reminded herself.
She sighed. A knock at the door she was supposed to be guarding sounded, and she walked over to it, expecting another knight.
It was the Princess’s birthday today, and that meant she was working overtime to get everything set up and everyone in the castle.
She opened the door.
A hand reached out and covered her mouth.
She screamed.
Everything went dark.
Another kill, another drug
Viktoria tiptoed through the shadows.
Like the night, like the night, like the night.
Pressing her back against the door, she calmed her breathing.
In, two, three. Out, two, three.
She took another breath.
She turned the handle of the door. Holding her breath- don’t creak don’t creak don’t creak- she made her way into the room.
The door closed behind her with a soft thump.
The person in the bed stirred slightly. Viktoria padded over to them.
She didn’t know who they were. She rarely did.
She just followed orders.
She pulled a knife out of her pocket.
The person screamed. Blood. And it was over.
Viktoria wiped her knife on her shirt, and slipped back into the shadows.
Another touch, another taste
Viktoria was bored.
She idly twirled her spoon in her hand, mentally calculating the ways you could kill someone with it.
What? She was nothing if not handy.
She took a bite of the food in front of her. Wrinkling her nose- why was it so fancy- she took a look at her surroundings again.
Fancy party? Check. Knights at almost every exit? Check. One exit clear? Check.
She tried to calm her nerves. This job would be easy.
If it weren’t for the fact that she was supposed to kill the King.
Her nerves spiked again. Ha.
She got up. Time to play her part.
Making her way over to the King, she tipped into a curtsy.
“Good evening, my leige.”
The King looked amused. “Good evening-” He glanced at her name tag. “Astra.” He smiled. “What a lovely name.”
Viktoria gagged internally. “Yes, my mother picked it quite well. It means ‘stars’.” She did her best to smile politely back at him.
The King chuckled. “Yes, I know. I do study up on languages, you know.”
Viktoria seethed silently. “Oh of course, my King. How-” She gritted her teeth. “Foolish of me to assume otherwise.”
The King laughed again. “Oh, it’s quite alright, Astra.” He got a wistful look in his eyes. “You know, you remind me of my late wife- your Queen.”
Viktoria had never seen the last Queen, but knew enough about her to know she was nothing like her. Still, she nodded along. “How gracious of you to compare me to someone so lovely.”
The King seemed far away. “You know, she fought to her last breath.” He sighed. “So stubborn, that one.”
Viktoria shakily got a small flask out of her sleeve. She pulled the cork out, and upended the entire thing into his glass. Hastily shoving it back into her sleeve, she smiled. “She sounds perfect.”
The King turned back to her, eyes misty. “She was.”
He shook himself. “Well it seems I have-” He laughed, wiped at his eyes. “Gotten things a bit off track. Was there something you came to tell me?”
“Oh, just that the food was delightful.” She fibbed easily. “Give my compliments to the chef.”
The King beamed. “Oh, that was Flori!” He waved the Princess over. “She made everything! You know, she’s gotten into cooking lately, so I thought-”
Viktoria tuned him out. She needed to get out of here.
The King took a sip of his drink.
Viktoria panicked.
As the King finished his drink, she bolted upright, looking startled. Time to put her acting skills to use.
She hurriedly stood up, making sure to put a deer-in-headlights expression on her face.
The King stood up with her, looking concerned. “Astra?”
She inhaled sharply, turning to him. “I- I have to go.” She said, making sure to trip over her words- and her dress, as she turned to leave.
She sprawled across the floor, letting out a “Dresses.”- as she’d seen many of the more tomboy-ish nobles do.
The King helped her to her feet. “Why do you have to leave?” He asked her, the crease in his forehead deepening.
Viktoria lowered her voice, not quite low enough that it would stop the people now looking on to stop hearing her, but enough that they had to strain.
“Him.” She pointed across the room, making sure to look terrified when there was no one there. “Wait- where did he go?”
The King looked around worriedly. “Who?”
Viktoria bit her lip, made an attempt to look meek. “I'm… not quite sure. He’s been- almost- stalking me, and-” She shivered. “I- I think he might- have a knife.”
The King, despite having obviously seen much more than knives, still nodded seriously.
He led her outside, and when he collapsed, Viktoria did the only thing she could.
She screamed.
Guards came running, and she was escorted safely away.
A grim smile on her face, she put the mask of the scared girl she was playing back on.
Time to see how far she would take this story.
Another night, another war
Viktoria sat on a throne. It was almost hard to believe she’d come this far.
She sighed. She still hasn’t killed her last target.
She- she couldn’t make herself do it. She was loathe to admit it, but she’d fallen quite a bit in love with the Princess- Queen, she reminded herself.
But. Her superiors had ordered today as her last day with Flori.
Unless-
Viktoria shook the thought out of her head. No. She wouldn’t betray her group.
She could, a voice in her head whispered. It would be so easy, just a few slit throats and the job would be done.
She bit her lip. The option was becoming more and more tempting.
Her mind made up, she left the castle.
Another 'what are we fighting for?’
Viktor sat surrounded by blood. So much, it was hard to tell whose was whose.
He trailed a hand through it, thinking. If he could get back to the castle today, he could claim he warded off more assassins. They were all on their guard after the King's… “incident” a few months ago.
And it technically was true. Seeing as he was a part of the Royal family now- he bit back a smile- and they were going to come after him, it wouldn’t be a complete lie.
He set out for the castle.
Another lost to bitter pain
Viktor couldn’t breathe.
How could this have happened, he should have never left, he-
It was his fault.
Flori was dead.
And it was his fault.
Viktor sank into himself, and vowed to never let anyone else get hurt.
Is everybody out here crazy?
Anybody want a war?
Everybody out here crazy
Viktor sat on his throne.
They say he ruled with an iron fist- he knew he had everyone trapped with something much stronger than that.
Revenge.
Viktor smiled cruelly.
My turn.
Outside, people screamed. Viktor paid them no mind.
“oh homeless people are just gonna use your money to buy drugs” and? and?? the government uses my tax money to buy bombs and cops, you think I care if someone in a shitty situation uses money I gave them to feel marginally less shitty? fuck off!
Reader:Gender Neutral Character:Tetsurō Kuroo Rating:M Summary:Sometimes you just wanted to get high with your boyfriend after a long week at work. And there was nothing better than making brownies. Warning:Fluff, Recreational Drug Use Ask Box: Open|Commission Me!|Join me on Patreon
In the small apartment you lived with Kuroo, you two were seated on the couch. He was dressed in a pair of sweatpants and one of his button up shirts with all of the buttons undone. You were in a pair of his boxers and an old white t-shirt.
You had spent the afternoon making edibles. Your personal favourite, brownies. Kuroo multiple times had to stop you from licking the spoon. To save it for the finished product. And now a few bites in of a bit corner piece (the best piece), you were starting to feel the high come over you.
It started with becoming a bit too aware of your hands as you scrolled through your phone. Then a weird sensation in your nose and then the high set in. You felt loose, happy and so deeply in love with your boyfriend of the last few years.
You put your phone on the coffee table once more and leaned over to the table to grab the plate with the brownie on it. You took a bit bite and melted a little at the chocolate chunks that Kuroo haphazardly threw into the mixture before baking.
You made a pleased noise and Kuroo chuckled. You felt his dry lips on your face as you took another smaller bite before you put the plate back down. Kuroo’s voice was in your ear soon after, “Don’t overdo it, kitten. Don’t want you greening out on me.”
You giggled a little and gave him a big grin, hints of chocolate smeared across your teeth, “I’ll be fine.”
He just chuckled and kissed you on the lips. His hands on your shoulders as he continued to kiss you, bit by bit the kiss became deeper. He thought you looked really beautiful right now. In nothing but his clothes, eating the brownies you made together, getting high after a long weekend.
When he pulled away from the kiss, you yawned a little bit. You had a little too much and were starting to get a little sleepy. Kuroo smiled at you and moved a little bit so you were more comfortable on the couch. He watched you kick your legs up onto the table and snuggle into his side.
He was starting to feel the effects of his high as he held you close to him. He yawned a little bit and scratched his jaw a little bit. The weight against him felt comfortable, you also looked adorable as you tried to stay awake as you got higher.
Your eyes drooped a little bit as you watched television. Your yawns were big and loud as you snuggled closer to him. The fabric of his sweatpants felt so comfortable against your hand as you brushed the side of his thigh lovingly.
“Sleepy baby?” He asked with a grin.
“No.” You grumbled as you buried yourself further into his arm. Another yawn left your lips as you felt the sense of drowsiness overtake you. He thought you looked so adorable.
You two watched television together, Kuroo spaced out for a little bit as he switched between the weather channel and the local kid’s network. He occasionally looked over to you and kissed you on the lips gently.
You made a little noise at the kisses but looked like you were fighting to stay awake. Your eyes occasionally closed but would instantly open again. But then closed again eventually. It made Kuroo chuckle and kiss you more.
He eventually zoned out at the high set in. He moved a little closer to the arm of the couch and rested against it. He couldn’t decide if he was hungry or tired. He let out a small yawn and his stomach growled.
Yeah he was both at the same time.
“Babe?” He eventually asked as he looked down and saw you fast asleep beside him, your mouth slightly open and softly snoring. He took one look at you and chuckled, “Someone had a little too much.”
He moved away from you and let you occupy the couch fully. You laid out carefully, sleepily grabbing the throw pillow and putting it under your head. Kuroo licked his lips, thinking about what to snack on while you fell asleep. Maybe if he didn’t eat the entire bag of chips, he’ll leave some for you.
heres the realest shit ever: literally no one is going to pressure you to do drugs in high school
literally no one
an encounter i had in 10th grade in a bathroom
person: hey we’re about to smoke some pot do you want some?
me: nah i got a test in like 20 minutes i just have to pee
person: alright good luck
actual highschool party I’ve been to
person: I brought beer!
people: aaaaaaa yyyyeeeaaahhh
person: want some?!?!
Me: no I don’t drink
person: GOOD MORE FOR US HERE’S SOME SODA
On the bus: Dude: Do you want a cigarette? Me: Dude I’m asthmatic. I’d die. Dude: Okay, cool, cool.
6th period math:
friend: hey, you want a weed brownie?
me: nah I’m good.
friend: cool.
Lunch
Some girl: You guys wanna smoke weed in the stairwell??
Us: not really
Girl: Okay friends, if you want any later my name’s Zoey, i always sit here
Guy: do you want a cigarette?
Me: I don’t smoke
Guy: good, don’t start
(that happened on multiple occasions with different people)
Seriously I was pressured into reading the Twilight books 1000x more than any drugs or alcohol
The last one
Adults would rather believe drugs are caused by peer pressuring teens rather than horrible situations developing kids are put into that drive them to seek out any sort of relief they can find. They don’t want to believe that they themselves are driving kids to do drugs.
Want teens to do less drugs? Provide accessible and cheap (or free) mental health support, get kids out of abusive situations, and use education rather than fear mongering when trying to deter teens.
This is more of a personal opinion, but I think legalizing weed would significantly reduce the use of harder, more dangerous drugs.
Contributing factors to substance abuse, at all ages:
Messed up family life, specifically things like neglect and abuse. Unresolved trauma issues.
Mental health issues, particularly undiagnosed ones or ones which are not being appropriately treated.
Chronic pain.
These are three of the biggest factors leading to substance abuse in EVERY age group. This is part of why the “war on drugs” especially in schools, is not helpful, because drug abuse is almost always a symptom of an underlying problem. Those problems NEED to be addressed in order to truly resolve the issue of drug use. Further ostracizing people who do abuse substances, and criminalizing the use of drugs is NOT the solution. It can lead to further trauma, further life stresses, and put people at a much higher risk of future drug usage.
Teens, and all people really, need to have access to appropriate healthcare, and ESPECIALLY for children and vulnerable adults, it needs to be something which is advocated for and pushed by people other than their guardians/parents. Because their parents and guardians are the most likely reason why they DON’T have access to proper treatment.
So, I’ve been thinking about Brett from inside job and one thing is confusing me big time that no one is talking about.
Bret has a sister. It’s very obvious that Bret had a sister, you can see her in this picture. But in the heart wrenching birthday scene that we all know he doesn’t mention her?
She’s clearly in the portrait behind him. But, he only asks the butler about his brothers? His parents are on a trip, his brothers are in military school and rehab, but what about his sister? What happened to her? WHY DOESN’T HE ASK ABOUT HER? Was she already there? Did she just leave? Did she die???? I don’t know. Does anyone know? Am I just stupid? Lmk what you guys think.
It seems like, out of all of his siblings, Brett was the only one to turn out relatively successful, since his older brothers got sent to military school and rehab. This leads me to think that the parents mistreated them, too, but instead of neglecting them like they did to Brett, they might have been victims of psychological or emotional abuse.
In a lot of abusive households, one of the kids is often mistreated to be set as an “example” of what the others will suffer if they disobey the parents. Maybe they were pressuring the older kids into success (especially since the dad said “all of my kids are champions… except for Brett”).
So, for the sister, part of me wonders if she was driven to self destructive behavior… and didn’t survive it. Perhaps drug usage led to an overdose? Maybe she suffered similar psychological problems to Brett and was led to something no worse?
Hi Tumblr! As you might have gathered from my awful upload schedule I am a person who struggles from a large number of addictions, ranging from drugs to something as mundane as the validation of a lover. I wanted to show you a tarot method I have developed to identify when I am going off the deep end in hopes that it might bring some things to the surface of your life that you may have been avoiding.
It goes without saying that this is not a replacement for treatment and that if you suffer from any addiction no matter how embarrassing you think it might be, you need and deserve the help of others.
I’m going to try to take my own advice more often these days and I hope you do too. :)
Please tag me or give credit if you use this prompt.
Whumper injects Whumpee with two drugs. The first drug makes them incapable of anything except thinking and automatic bodily functions (breathing, heart beating, blood pumping). The second drug heightens their awareness and enhances their senses. Whumper also inserts a chip in Whumpee’s brain that translates their brainwaves and projects them through speakers in real time. After all, what fun is torturing someone if you can’t hear them scream?
Water signs are more apt to develop addictions. Whether they be harmful or beneficial, water signs tend to crave distraction from the depth of emotion they carry. Pisces is more likely to get addicted to jogging or juicing or painting. Cancer, right in the middle, is more attracted to mild depressants (alcohol, pills) and mild stimulants (adhd meds, mdma). Scorpio is drawn to hallucinogens and painkillers.
Let me chloroform you. Breathe it in deep knowing that I am going to do whatever I want to you. Wake up in a haze with the video of what we did playing in the background and my cum still dripping out of you onto the mattress.
Word to the wise: chloroform is highly dangerous and has no safe dose! The same dose 10 times in a row can either do nothing, knock you out or kill you.
Date rape drugs like ghb however are much safer! It also has the advantage that once you’ve consented that it isn’t a limit, he can slip it in your drinks at any time without you knowing. You’ll never know when or where it’s coming, it’ll be the biggest surprise when he shows you!
“Got reminded that coca cola with cocaine in it was a thing in vnc times and I feel like every time Vanitas treats a cursebearer, he just hands them a bottle of coke like, “here mate. Drink. It’ll help.” Also I wouldn’t trust him with antibiotics, ever.“
warnings: pre-existing relationship, drug use (molly), public sex, marking (kinda)
desc: in which your boyfriend and your date night includes a fun time with molly. youre at the club. you both just cant wait. this is part of whorehouse’s intoxicated collab, check out the masterlist here.
If you were being honest, you didn’t really like clubbing. It had just been so long. Normally the grinding of bodies on the dance floor reminded you of sweat, of lack of personal space, of overbearing heat. Normally it was too much.
But now, here, tonight the only thing you could feel was the bass, the music pumping behind your ears, the lights dancing behind your eyelids even when they were closed. And the body against you, their sweat, their heat, welcomed and comforting. But now, here, you greeted the excessiveness with open arms, and legs apparently.
You had entered the club about half an hour ago. Or had it been more. You were starting to lose track of timing. You had barely crossed the threshold of the grimy, shitty club, when Atsumu gripped your jaw. He popped a pill lightly onto the middle of his tongue, wagging his eyebrows suggestively before pulling you towards him. When your lips met, it was all business, and he pushed the small pill to the back of your mouth. You took a beat to swallow, and for him to pop one of his own into his mouth.
a/n: here is my hell piece for the intoxicated collab <3 yes it is a direct follow up to caged my yuudai drabble (read it first!!!), yes i copied the banner from caged to use on here bc i am lazy and there r no yuudai caps, do not perceive me <3
dedicated to my wife @pomsuki <33 happy (belated) birthday pommie <3 let yuudai into your heart ;)
18+ university age | pls read all warnings
warnings:drug use (weed), alcohol use, dub/noncon (reader is thouroughly inebriated), size kink, no condom, uh no real prep (what’s new with me), some toxic behavior, manipulation
warnings: cheating (everyone’s cheating in this frat house tonight), drugging (reader thought she was doing coke, actually percs), drug mentions: coke, weed, percs, non-con, gas-lighting, manipulation, iwai and oiks are shitty frat boys what can i say
wc: 1.9k
a/n: my piece for the intoxicated collab hosted by the whore house <3 you can check it out here! i have never written for this pretty rat bastard but I kinda like this version of oikawa that now lives in my brain. he’s a shitty bastard but meh. this is very, very, very, v e r y loosely based on a real experience i had with percs ( i don’t condone the use of percs !! ). also, do not mix drugs if you are doing them, especially percs with alcohol!
you know you’re fucked as the last of the pretty white line vanishes through the end of a cut-up straw and into your nose. that too pretty smile tooru’s wearing almost looks sinister as the feeling of prickles dances across your brain and the feeling of slight numbness snakes up your appendages. it’s cemented further when drowsiness sinks in.
worst of all, you know you’ve lost when tooru’s featherlight touch across your bottom lip has you sucking his thumb like your boyfriend isn’t somewhere else in the same house
leading up to the frat party, you were excited ! time spent with your roommate was always fun, your partner in crime for getting wasted silly before proceeding to call your boyfriends to be picked up and continue the fun from there.
their frat’s parties are always choice, thematic some days and just a reason to drink and make poor choices others. your poison of choice always being egging hajime on throughout the night to be fucked dumb when he’s pushed beyond his limit– the perfect fun for you.
but there’s always tooru.
it’s been too many times to count where you think you’ve finally got hajime right where you need him and then tooru’s there to effectively whisk hajime away– always with a snide reminder that you’re there with your roommate, his girlfriend so ‘why don’t you go find her, she’ll get lonely!’
ironic, considering that if she and you were up to trouble together he’d badger you over being negligent of hajime.
regardless, you fully entitled to enjoy yourself tonight– tooru be damned.
before you could fester longer on the leech that was tooru, your roommate poses a comment about the outfits planned for tonight. it’s enough to steal away your attention, and you find yourselves trying and tossing off clothes interspersed with chatter and gossip of all manner. by the end of it, you look downright sinful– dressed in a silky feeling black bodycon with lace trim.
the intention is to rile hajime up, get him irritated having to be watchful over you to keep his sleazy frat brothers away. except for tooru, he’s always the exception. he couldn’t let any of his other brothers be the exception? you’d take temperamental kyotani over tooru any day. it’s only a minorbonus kyotani is nice to look at.
by the time your roommate is ushering you to the uber you’re quite tipsy, still aware of yourself but relaxed enough to giggle along to the lame jokes your uber throws over his shoulder at you two. idly, you think he’s kinda cute.
the party is in full swing by the time your uber pulls up, people idling out on the lawn in stark contrast to the blaring music coming from the house itself. hajime and tooru are waiting outside for the both of you as you exit the uber. giving the uber a sweet smile before closing the door.
you try to ignore the lingering look tooru fixates you with as you make your way to the boys.
“ tooooruuuu~” your roommate all but throws herself into her boyfriend, giggly and happy to see him. he returns the embrace, peppering her cheery face in kisses before returning her greeting “hi princess, you look ravishing as usual.”
you fight to keep the cringe of your face at the nickname, opting to ignore their sugary-sweet pda in favor of hajime. you link your arms behind his neck before blinking up at him, pressing a chaste kiss to his chin before grinning cheekily “ hi bubs, missed you today”. his own hands settle on your hips, rubbing softly at the material of your dress before smiling down at you. he mumbles his own greeting before pressing a kiss to your temple, beginning to drag you inside.
you don’t miss the familiar stare of someone staring down your neck.
all too quickly, between games of cup pong, kings cup, and random shots; your separated from hajime and squished between hanamaki and matsukawa on a ratty couch in the garage with an odd group of people. you’re vaguely aware of matsukawa’s arm thrown over your shoulders.
you don’t try to move it.
you’re half engaged in the conversation going on, between being drunk and swimming in the heady smell of weed, you’re just kinda sitting there zoning in and out. there’s a sizable bong being passed around, and despite only having met them a handful of times prior, hanamaki and matsukawa seem to know better than to offer you a hit– at least that’s what you tell yourself. across from you, there’s a blond girl cutting lines of coke on a handheld mirror, looking up briefly with a raised eyebrow in question. you’ve met her prior, you’ve literally done lines with her, but her name is escaping you.
you feel stupid.
you’re about to nod along when matsukawa’s arm is thrown off you, two hands coming down on your shoulders in a bruising grip. you wince when you meet tooru’s chocolate eyes.
he looks kinda pissed.
“y/n ! I’ve been looking alllll over for you !” his voice is as princely as ever, but the sneer on his face and the barely there anger under his tone pisses you off. you decide to push him before he starts pushing you.
“where’s 'princess’ at? can’t believe you left my poor roommate all alone in this house” you tsk and pout, shaking your head. tooru’s face momentarily sours before he’s looping around the couch and dragging you to your feet, pulling you to the door without a word. you glance back briefly at hanamaki and matsukawa, but they look just as put off as you.
weird.
you follow, not sure if it’s curiosity or just being drunk for you simpered obedience. you’re led past hajime’s room where you hear noise– notably hajime and someone else but you can’t think too hard about it with tooru’s tightening grip on your wrist. this would be nice if it were hajime pulling you along. you stop in front of a door at the very end of the hall.
it’s tooru’s room.
volleyball trophies and keepsakes line the shelves, along with other commemorative keepsakes. a picture of him and your roommate, him and hajime, a group picture of the four of you as well. you’re about the prod for answers when he beats you to it.
“don’t worry about my 'princess’, she with hajime right now!” he sneers down at you, loving the confusion that crosses your pretty little face before continuing “i figured i’d come check in on you since hajime seems to be doing a shit job of it.” you’re only partially surprised by the drop from his usual cheerful speech and vocabulary, but to hear him come at hajime unabashedly is strange.
it’s actually really fucking weird all things considered.
“what do you mean by that? why’s he with her…” and not me? the sentence practically finishes itself and tooru’s sneer grows as your mind begins to tumble over itself. “ you know, maybe he just can’t handle you anymore? he’s always bitching to me about you” tooru sighs, hand raised to his chin thoughtfully. something in your chest aches at the thought, mind nowhere near sober enough to see past tooru winding you up.
“you know, I tried arguing with hajime about it on your behalf. sure you’re needy as hell and a borderline nympho but you’re soooo cute! if i wasn’t dating my princess, I wouldn’t hesitate to steal you away~” it comes out teasingly, but his words are downright awful. you’re not needy…right? sure you like sex, but hajime never complained about it.
you kinda feel like shit.
turning on your heels, you make for the door before tooru latches onto your wrist again. that same bruising grip back again, you whirl on him ready to lay into him before he shakes an orange pill bottle in your face. eyes narrowed, you glare up at him. what the hell is he up too?
“to make it up to you for bumming your night and causing you to miss out saeko’s cheap shit, why don’t we have a little pick me up?” his sneer is gone now, simmered down to what could be a genuine smile. you weigh your options, dull red flashing lights go off in your mind but safety be damned– you need a pick me up. “fine, fine. i’d rather get something from you than just anybody.” tooru looks a little surprised at your admittance, but you plop yourself on his bed before you can stare up at his pretty face any longer. he turns his back to you in favor of his desk, clearing space and procuring his debit card and a dollar bill before popping the lid on the pills and grabbing one.
you don’t watch him crush the pill, and that’s your fatal mistake.
all too soon, zoned out staring around the room while lost in your pitiful thoughts, tooru calls you over. “you’re a big girl, I’m sure you know how to snort it” his voice is teasing, but you fail to notice just how focused he looks staring down at you. you grab a cut straw, no longer than two inches, and line one end to your nose and the other to the white line.
it feels wrong.
you know you’re fucked as the last of the pretty white line vanishes through the end of a cut-up straw and into your nose. that too pretty smile tooru’s wearing almost looks sinister as the feeling of prickles dances across your brain and the feeling of slight numbness snakes up your appendages. it’s cemented further when drowsiness sinks in.
worst of all, you know you’ve lost when tooru’s featherlight touch across your bottom lip has you sucking his thumb like your boyfriend isn’t somewhere else in the same house.
god this so wrong, but the way tooru ushers you backwards until the back of your knees meet his bed, and you fall on your back feels nice. everything feels nice, his thumb in your mouth, his comforter on your back. the way he’s staring down at you, laser-focused on just you… it’s verynice.
but incredibly wrong.
hajime is in a room nearby, the fact eats at you.
tooru withdraws his hand from your face, thumb briefly pressing along your plush lips before crawling over you. he buries his head in your neck, nibbling and sucking along the length of it like a starved dog. you whimper, it’s wrong but why does it feel so good? a particularly nasty bite forces a moan from your mouth, mind spinning at the pleasure despite the numbness.
you’re terrible for getting off on this, you’re a terrible girlfriend. tooru, evidently, is a terrible boyfriend. he drugged you but who’s gonna believe you? you did agree to do it, you didn’t ask what it was. your thoughts are spiraling.
tooru’s hand leaves a blazing trail up your thigh, sliding up underneath your little dress and squeezing your upper thigh. you don’t like this. weakly, you grab onto tooru’s wrist in an attempt to halt his movements. he shakes it off, kissing along your jaw before mumbling to what you assume is more-so to himself than you.
“knew i was gonna fuck you when you strolled up in this, hajime’s really missing out tonight”
Before reading forward, I just want to remind everyone that all people deal with trauma strikingly differently from each other. This is fanfic y’all, don’t forget that. That being said, I, personally, don’t deal with my trauma the way that I probably should, so please take it with a grain of salt, this is a reverse harem plotline, it’s not okay and I have never been in said exact situation. I doubt the grand majority of you have as well, (there’s always that one person that somehow managed to experience even the most bizarre things)
Also, while English is my first language, I sometimes forget how it works (I speak multiple languages) please give me some grace haha.
I know that in my tumblr post, I said that there was going to be a mention of sexual assault and self-harm, but I felt that it wasn’t appropriate. So I deleted that, so those trigger warnings can be ignored.
Trigger warnings, if any of these will upset you, please turn away: reverse harem, mention of alcohol and drug addiction, mention of sex, torture, bodily fluids (sexual and blood) and Faire just losing it.
Hiding the trauma is easy, at first. It’s when he grabs her wrist that the lying becomes difficult.
She wrenches her arm out of his grasp and throws herself away, she hits the wall across from her. The response is almost instant.
Frankie goes to throw his hands up in the air as if to show he means no harm. Her face freezes and turns bright white, and her hands go in front of her face in a defensive position.
She panics, realizing how big of a mistake she might have just made. It had been so easy to say she was fine, that she was good and not struggling anymore. That plan went out the window, specifically the window that she broke on her first day at the penthouse.
Frankie looks at her like she’s a deer in headlights, he steps towards her slowly, unwaning to scare her.
“Faire, are you okay?” he asked quietly.
She quietly shakes her head. Her breaths come in shakily.
“Okay. Take a deep breath, honey.” He turned his hands down, staring at her eyes, look at me, honey, not my hands, he thought. “What’s wrong?
She shook her head slowly, her eyes glued to his hands. “Please-” she whispered, a hiccuped sob catching in her throat.
He stared into her eyes, willing her to look at his instead of his hands. “Faire, look at my eyes. I’m not going to hurt you, no one here will hurt you.”
He assumes it’s an aftermath of the attack that happened last month. When she had been slammed to the ground with the man’s body towering over her small, fragile figure. Or maybe at the restaurant when the man had bruised her pretty throat, wrapping his hands around it and throwing her into the wall, his fault.
What if Ironhead hadn’t been there? Would they have killed her? Probably. Even if it meant the wrath of Baron and Ironhead, they would have broken her pretty body and left her there for them to find, maybe they’d carve their name into her face, or maybe they’d carve his. A message, Fish killed my brother, this is the consequence.
Her bottom lip started quivering, her eyes turning red and shiny. He could not handle it if she started crying. “Sweetheart, don’t cry. Breathe, no one will hurt you.” her eyes stared at him, a small tear breaking through her waterline.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, her voice cracking.
“It’s okay, honey. Just breathe.”
She reached her arms out towards him, seeking the comfort of his warm arms. Although their comradeship had been broken down after he left her on the floor, filled with him, there was something about his saddened eyes that made her feel safe.
He opened his arms, not used to comforting. Cuddling her on the patio during her panic attack had been a damn blue moon in its own way. She walked forward, throwing her arms around his neck and shoved her face into his shoulder, wet tears and slobber splashed on his shirt and she sobbed.
He rubbed her back, calming her with quiet mouth sounds and pulling her tight into him. “What triggered you, honey? Is it the restaurant?” he asked.
She shook her head. He tried again, “Baron’s men here?” she shook her head again.
He feared her response, “me?” she shook her head again. “Then what’s wrong sweetheart?”
She shook her head again, not wanting to talk about the trauma she endured even before she was kidnapped.
She shook her head out of those thoughts, it wouldn’t help her get out of her panic, she thumped down on the floor, sitting in a fetal position, she needed the stability before her legs gave out.
“Tell me what you’re thinking, honey.” he was squatting in front of her now, his big eyes filled with concern.
It was then that the rest of the boys walked in, hearing the thump of her body hitting the floor, upon seeing Faire sitting on the ground with glassy eyes staring over Frankie’s shoulder instead of in his eyes as he shook her lightly, whispering to her.
“Faire?” Will whispered. She slowly met his gaze, a blank look in her eyes. “What’s wrong?” he asked.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers to Frankie.
He sighed, “why are you sorry, honey? You did nothing wrong.” he whispered back to her.
“I- I- I’m sorry.” she stuttered. Her pretty lip started quivering, a tear running down her face.
Will crouched down in front of her now, looking over her with a careful eye. “Baby,” he whispered, wiping away her tear. “What do you need?” he asked.
She mumbled, unsure.
“Do you need to go somewhere quiet, or do you need a distraction?” he asked.
She looked helplessly at Pope, and whispered with heartbreaking cracks in her voice, “Why?”
He blinked at her, “What?” he asked.
“Why did you- why do you keep me here? I- I- why the fuck am I still here?” she sobbed. “I- Why haven’t I left? What the fuck have you done to me?” she asked.
“Honey, you’re here because we need to protect you,” Will answered.
“What the fuck am I doing? You- you all, you all kidnapped me and I’m- I’m fucking- oh my god. What the fuck am I doing?” She whispered.
They knew it was coming, her moment of realization. Her panic, they knew shit would hit the ceiling, and they still weren’t prepared for it.
“Breathe, honey,” Will whispered, rubbing his thumb on her cheek, she retaliated violently, slapping his hand away.
“Please don’t, please don’t touch me, I- please.” she crawled against the wall. She hadn’t pleaded like this since her first day when she’d talked to Pope in his office after trying to break out. “Please let me go, please. I can’t- I can’t do this. What the fuck have I done?” she muttered, her head between her knees.
The boys shared a similar look of confusion, no idea what to do. Any option they had would not work with her while she was in this state.
She kept her face shoved in between her knees, mumbling nonsense, rocking her body back and forth.
The men were at a loss, she’d cried in front of all of them, yes, but that had been fixable. They had all been moments where she’d just needed someone to hold her or a drink burning through her throat and warming her stomach.
It had been a month since the incident in Cristo’s parking lot, why was this all hitting her now? With the way her body had practically been vibrating throughout most days, it was clear she was struggling, that she was unhealthy. It had started like that with Fish, hidden but the small things, when found, told the whole damn story.
Frankie had figured that she wasn’t just hiding the vodka under her bed, but the oh-so-convincing smiles told him she was okay. There goes that.
It had been Benny’s light, warm palm on her knee that shocked her out of her panic. Just barely brushing her skin.
The wrong person obviously. They figured when she’d whimpered away from him.
Her eyes were raking over his features, his soft hair that she loved to fist when his face was in between her legs, his golden boy face and ocean eyes. She’d been grateful for that specific difference. The eyes were what calmed her, not enough, albeit, his face had contorted into the pretty boy she dated in high school.
You’re still as much of an idiot now as you were then, she thought. Going for the pretty ones instead of the good ones.
But Benny is good? They’re all good. To me, at least.
Her mind was constantly rearranging its perception. Her head hurt, the ions of her brain running too slow, she still couldn’t catch up.
Maybe benzos weren’t such a good idea, you dumb whore. Get off the floor, walk out. You’re insane. Get the fuck out.
It felt like back when she’d woken up in her bed after Benny drugged her.
Yeah! Remember that? Not a good guy. Get the fuck out!
Yeah, but he made you eggs after. He kissed you, he’s fucked you, he’s made you feel good. Will made you squirt first try, you’re good here, Pope said you were safe. Safe.
You’ve fucked your insane kidnappers, get the fuck out! You almost died. Twice.
She looked down at the floor and stood up, Benny had put out a hand to help, but she ignored it. Rather keeping her eyes down at the ground.
She starts walking away, willing her body to just leave. The words, you’re insane, this is insane, get the fuck out! Running through her head. Her brain still pangs against her skull. She holds her hand up as if to say “please don’t touch me or follow me, just let me go.”
Benny gripped her shoulder and pulled her into his chest, “please don’t go.” he whispered into her ear. He circled his arms around her. She went limp, silently hoping he’d let her go, but also relishing in the stark heat of him, compared to the cold response of her body. He was whispering to her, willing her to stay.
I’ve got you.
I can’t protect you if you leave, baby.
I can’t think if you leave.
You’re the only one.
My back. I told you. I gave it to you. I trust you. I need you. I need you. Baby, please. You make it hurt less.
You make me forget. About the blood and the bone and the scars. I let you touch them. No one else, you, pretty baby. You fill them like I fill you. I need that. I need you.
You. Your broken mind, your heart, your blood, you.
You.
She’d burst into tears yet again, crying into his shirt. It was starkly different from when she’d first tried to leave when he’d mocked her. Desperation instead of fear. He was begging her now. About to get on his damn knees and hug them like a desperate child.
