so this is what life feels like

a lot of things
cause me
anxiety at times

life is
beautiful
and it is extraordinary
in that we never know what
it is going to be
like or become;
to beware and to be
scared
of everything and
nothing
at once, it is foolish and
human, for what
else are we to
be
if not in
awe of the
future and in
spite
of the past, all of
which we
never realize our present
becomes.

i am turning
nineteen
and yet i know not why
i note
it
as if it should mean
something to
and of
me. but it
means nothing to
me, for i have
been in
love and i have been in
pain, and i have wanted
both and felt both
go away. yet i am
scared
of being
young and
simultaneously turning
old, and i can’t help but think i am just

scared.
of what?
what
is believing? for many take
years to find their
truth; i am just beginning
to grasp mine and yet, alas,
all men find
a
different truth. a world of
infinite
truths, that to
believe
in all is to believe in
none
at all.