Just heard a song someone made about among us and I came to the realization that among us is the new five nights at Freddy’s.

Strawberry Shortcake (2003) initiated the cottagecore lesbian aesthetic.

Date someone who will never tolerate your mistakes and will help you to correct it in the most appropriate way.

The older I get, the lesser I care what they gossip about me.

Tumblr will always be a part of me, part of my emotional outlet. I can express my thoughts without limit. My dramas and “flexing stuff” are totally normal and relatable. A bit weird but I feel safe here. That’s why, I keep on coming back no matter how oft I will deactivate my account.

How about you? What are your reasons for staying here?

I read my old blog today. It made me realise I will never forget my first love. Even when I am happy with someone new. Even when they are married with a kid. There will always be a part of me that longs for them and that is okay. 

For me it’s all the good and bad and everything in between. It’s the light that glimmers in your eyes when you get excited, it’s the pain you try to hide when you struggle to open up. It’s your ability to be vulnerable and kind after everything. It’s your will to change and want to be better. It’s your laugh at the stupidest little things that make you fall over and hug yourself. It’s your passion for the things you love. It’s how intelligent you are without realizing it. It’s your humor to turn a bad mood into a good one. It’s your compassion to help wherever you can. I could keep going but it comes down to the fact that as imperfect as you may feel at times you are so much more than you realize. You are a total goofball, stupidly smart, annoyingly kind, intriguingly complex, genuinely handsome, and are beyond good enough. You are so much more than you give yourself credit for and deserve nothing less than spectacular.

4/20/22 03:00

She was the girl that had all the love in the world to give. He was the guy who couldn’t love her back, who couldn’t show how he really felt, who couldn’t give her the love that she deserved and it broke her. She would question why she wasn’t good enough. Why? No matter how much she gave, she never got it back, and instead of blaming him, she blamed herself. She stayed up countless nights wondering where things went wrong or what she could do differently to change them. When it came down to it and it wasn’t working anymore. He left and she was still broken. She thought maybe he was the only reason that she was ever happy, but the truth is he didn’t make her happy. It was the love that she was giving that made her happy. It was caring for someone and seeing someone else smile that made her happy and even though she didn’t feel that happiness herself, she was okay with that. He was happy and he was all that mattered to her.

02:19 4/20/22

I don’t remember the night we met much besides bits and pieces, but the next day I knew I was going to be in trouble. You were so real and reminded me so much of myself, my home, and I knew you were blind to it, so I did what I do best and ignore it and let other people be happy. Then you were suddenly him, my new go to, my best friend, a new piece of myself I found.

Life is blurry though, things happen we can’t control and I remember why I don’t cross these lines, it’s easier to push it down and make someone else happy. I want to be happy though, I know I deserve it, I just don’t think I’ll ever get it. So it’s time for me to stop trying and shut up and go back to the place we were, to keep looking elsewhere because you don’t want what’s right in front of you. I have to be content with where I am and trust where I’m going, you’re special and I know it, but life has other plans and that’s okay, i just need time.

4-19-22 01:24

Why is it the scariest thing you can do is be yourself? Because at the end of the day when you let down those walls and show someone all the good, bad, and grey in between they often leave. It’s one thing to have someone judge you and leave when your walls are up. But to show all of you unapologetically and not be enough? For love to turn into hate? There’s nothing more cruel than to feel as though you are the problem and being yourself is a crime. So it’s easier to hide. To be the wild child, the life of the party, the one who doesn’t care, because if they don’t like it then it’s easier to deal with knowing it’s not the real you.

4-18-22 1:05am

“Sometimes the best decision you can make is to go.”

2:41 10/4/20

“I’ve drifted further from myself, the next I’ve been lately is not who I want to be or who I really am. My emotions and choices are a result of me trying to project something I’m not in hopes of being happy and trying to fill this void. I need to let go and do what’s best for me.”

2:30 10/4/20 j

“Everything was almost good, everything was almost ok for once. It almost was.”

10:36pm 9/28/20

“My problem is I don’t like waiting, if I want something I go for it because I’m either all in or all out. I want to see every aspect of someone’s soul and decide how I feel then, so no I don’t want to wait I want to dive right in.”

11:09pm 9/24/20

“You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do.”

12:50pm 9/23/20 w j

“I could love someone better than they ever imagined, if they let me.”

12:21 9/21/20

“Have you ever been in love?” He asked. I replied with “I don’t think I’ve been in the right kind, I’ve felt unrequited love, infatuation, lust, and fearful love. Although, there was this one day, I don’t know why but I felt if I had to call it something no matter how fleeting it was that. I was so happy and it was so great for about five minutes, then he started talking and that was it. He ruined it all by hurting me again and I don’t know if I’ll ever love him again, I’d like to, but that means change and I don’t know if I’ll ever get it.”

12:11 9/21/20 j

“Isn’t it beautiful and terrifying to look at how quickly a day can change our entire mindsets and lifestyles, how one thing can switch everything up? I reread my posts and watch the turmoil unfold with the highs and lows.”

12:05 9/21/20

“If you aren’t into something just say so, commicate openly and honestly and move forward.”

9/18/20 10:27 w