Apartment Living: My Experience | Tips to Make Dorm Life/Co-Habitating Successful

I recently moved to a new apartment and my housemate is my classmate/friend. As someone who had a very, very bad roommate experience in college (mainly because that roommate constantly brought her boyfriend over), I was very apprehensive this time around. So far though, it’s generally been going pretty well. Here are my tips to successfully cohabitate with others:

• Communicate often and clearly. It’s important to set a mutually-agreed standard of how you and your housemate(s) want to live. As someone who doesn’t like confrontation, this has been the hardest for me. My housemate would always leave half-eaten dishes in the common spaces and wouldn’t wash her dishes until days later. After noticing this was a problem, I gently asked if we could propose some rules for common spaces: wash our dishes the same day we use them, and make sure there weren’t any unoccupied dishes in the common spaces. I structured it as a conversation, instead of me demanding it to happen, and brought up the larger picture: we didn’t want bugs in our house and this was an easy way to prevent that. I then asked if she thought these rules were fair and if she had anything to add. She apologized for her behavior, said it was fair, and everything generally has been smooth on this front now!
• Bring up any concerns gently. I think tone is a big factor in how something might go over. If I go yelling at my roommate that she made a mess, she’s instantly on the defensive, right? Approaching it in a kind and open manner will elicit a (hopefully) similar response back. Back when we were apartment hunting, I shared with her my concern of having boyfriends over the apartment too much. I told her my previous roommate would bring her boyfriend over constantly– his 6am alarm would wake me up daily, he snored, he acted like he lived in the apartment, etc.– and that I was very apprehensive about the topics of boyfriends being in the apartment. I think that conversation let her know very early on that she needs to be mindful of how often her boyfriend is over. Except for this weekend (his birthday weekend), he’s been over very minimally (not only for my sake but because she is a law student who needs to study!).
• Try not to make a big deal out of one thing. This is another thing I have to work on. My housemate’s boyfriend has been over since Thursday night, worked from our apartment Friday (even when my housemate was out of the house, at her law courses) and looks like he’s leaving Saturday morning. He was also here very briefly on Sunday evening to say hi, since he was in the area. Honestly, I got a little bit annoyed because I don’t think boyfriends should be over this much (2 visits a week is my hard max) and boyfriends shouldn’t be alone in the apartment (my housemate should always be present). BUT I want to be considerate and give more leeway just this time because it was his birthday weekend. If he comes over this often when it’s not a milestone event, then I will talk with my housemate.
• Realize that rules will apply to you too. I’m currently single and am not seeing anyone right now. I’m trying to be cognizant of the fact that when I do get a boyfriend, how would I feel about these rules? I can’t demand new rules, get a boyfriend, and go back on my word. A lot of the times, housemates might not all be in the same exact shoes so take careful consideration when making universal rules.

That’s all I have for now! Happy moving into dorms!

What I Would Tell My Younger, College Self

Being a few years out of undergraduate, and currently in graduate school, has made me reflect back at what I used to think were the hardest years of my life. Now, because I’m older and hopefully wiser, I laugh but if I could go back in time, this is what I would tell my younger 18-22 year old self.

1. Grades don’t matter… to an extent. Sure, if you have great grades, you have wider options: scholarships, employment, funding, grad school, etc. But truthfully, most scholarships and internship offers are based on a 3.0 GPA. Some of the stricter ones have a 3.5 GPA requirement. Unless you’re set on going to graduate school (in which case, definitely try to get a high GPA), you will likely be fine with a 3.0 GPA (this is the case especiallyif your major is STEM; if your major is non-STEM, maybe shoot for a 3.5 GPA). When I graduated undergrad and got my first “real” full-time job, they never even asked me what my GPA was or required a transcript. I say this to hopefully relieve some pressure off you. A few “Bs” (or “C"s tbh) won’t kill you.
2. Make memories. Hang out with your friends. Go outside and go hiking. Go camping. Go on retreats. Get involved in extracurriculars. You don’t want to always be in your dorm, watching Netflix, when you’re not in class. Sure, sometimes you need to wind down but you don’t want your entire undergraduate experience to be summed up with "netflix.” I promise you: you will not remember the shows you binged your sophomore year of college, but you WILL remember that awesome overnight camping trip you took at Yosemite.
3. Network.I used to cringe when people would network in undergrad because I thought they were being so “extra” and so “fake.” And now I’m understanding that the mantra “fake it til you make it” is really accurate… It doesn’t matter how you personally feel about networking, but the reality is that most people get their jobs through networking (and those who network tend to have a “leg up”). If you want to be successful, I’d argue that networking is a key strategy you should implement, to some extent. The more professional experiences you have earlier on, the easier it is to get better opportunities later on: your success builds upon itself. And you don’t have to be super fake about it either; the people who are the best networkers tend to be the most genuine.
4. Have a small group of close, quality friends and work on strengthening those friendships. It’s better to have 3 quality best friends, instead of 10 friends that you’re not really all that close to. Quality over quantity, for sure. Although you should focus on quality, I still think it’s good to be socially connected with your classmates and acquaintances/friends through Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, LinkedIn, etc: after all, this is just good networking + who knows who may become your next close friend when you move to a new state! In college, it’s easy to hang out with friends but after college, it’s much more difficult to keep these friendships up.
5. Lastly, treat your body well. This means both mentally (most college campuses offer free, or reduced cost, therapy sessions! take advantage of this! once you’re in the “real world”, these sessions are $$$) and physically (eat the right type of food! exercise!).

Ultimately, college is what you make of it. It’s a period where you can explore your passions and find who you are. But also at the same time, it’s also meant to help advance your (future) career. You can definitely find the right balance between your professional and personal goals.