My upstairs neighbor was arrested on Sunday I wasn’t here for it but her mugshot is on the local PD website ‍♀️ along with her boyfriend/father of her kid — who was also arrested Sunday.

Side note: No, I do not think this will change anything. She’s not gonna suffer any extreme consequences for this (she never does) and she’s gonna continue to be a problem for all of us in the building. Our PM told us, months ago, that she will never evict her no matter how many rules she breaks. So yeah… anyways…

We got a nice peaceful night when we got back home Monday evening but that lasted all of about 14 hours. Yesterday evening she seemed to have been fighting/arguing with herself (as I didn’t hear or see anyone else) and screaming about something and slamming into the floor. At first I thought it was because she thought we were responsible for the police be called Sunday. Despite us not even being home. Last time, back during Christmas, when we went out of town she had a fit 2 days after we got back and slammed into our ceiling for about 10 minutes before coming down stairs, hitting our door and, yelling at/threatening us for her getting in trouble for having drugs in her apartment. Of course it wasn’t us (we weren’t even here when she got in trouble) but she’s not very bright. Our car being absent from the parking lot all week didn’t seem to be noticed or the lack of any noise coming from our apartment.

So idk what she was yelling and being angry about last night. One time she was by herself and was mad at some dude (probs the guy who was arrested with her Sunday) that she broke out her own kitchen door window. And then swept all the broken glass off her balcony and onto my patio (y’all know, I told this story already. And yes, glass is still all over our patio along with her cigarettes, trash, kids toys and even old food — almost 5 months later).

And now she’s back on her bullshit. I can only hope that the PM has no say so in her future at our apartment complex and the owners, or housing authority, steps up and does what should have been done a year ago.

We’re leaving this summer no matter what. So this isn’t gonna be our problem for much longer. But the people who live in these apartments don’t have other options. They don’t have a voice. No one cares about them or listens to them. And it’s not fair to them. No one should ever have to live like this. No one should have to come home and feel unsafe and uncomfortable in their own place. Whoever gets this apartment after we leave NEEDS it to be somewhere safe and comfortable. I’m gonna make sure of that too by contacting as many local news stations and re-contacting housing authority, HUD, the owners — people need to stop treating low income residents as if they’re stray dogs; as if they should just be happy that they’re getting the shitty scrap leftovers.

Grad School Life Update: 1.9 years in. | Love, School, Work, and Home

Okay I graduate next month so I’m calling this my 1.9 years in update, haha.

LOVE: Relationship is steady! At this point, I feel like I’m getting really comfortable with him and the relationship, and I often have my guard down. I am still a little worried about life after graduation when we will be in different locations but ultimately through therapy, I’ve come to a place where I can genuinely say I’m taking it day by day and not overthinking.

SCHOOL: One *MONTH* left! Is that crazy?! These past few weeks have been crazy hectic with assignment deadlines and capstone requirements. I recently took my graduation photos and it made graduation feel so real. Overall, I’m very excited to graduate and leave this chapter for a new one!

WORK: I have had my full-time job offer secured since the Fall and I’m very grateful that I haven’t had to stress about job hunting on top of finals, etc. I’m trying to enjoy my last couple of months of “freedom” before I have to work full-time until I’m 65. I’m also TAing this quarter (as I have most quarters while in grad school) and I am getting a little burnt out with everything. But the end is near!

HOME: Similar update to before. My roommate has not really changed: she’s still messier and not as courteous as I’d like (or that I am to her) but the lease is almost up at this point. Living with her and just overall looking back at my experiences living with others has reaffirmed that I want to live solo. I also think it’s important to live by yourself (if you’re able to) and see how that experience goes.

All in all, I’m enjoying my last month as a graduate student. Life is good!

Five Things I Learned from Therapy

I recently started therapy and although I’ve only had a few sessions so far, I wanted to recap some lessons I’ve learned.

1. Your feelings are always valid. Sometimes in my therapy sessions, I preface by saying “I don’t know if I should feel this way, but …” and my therapist will always reply that my feelings are my feelings, and that my feelings are always valid. She recommended I take a brief moment to try to understand why I’m feeling this way, but not to linger too much on negative thoughts and feelings.
2. Thoughts aren’t facts. This is connected to the first point. Just because I feel a certain way about something, or I’m thinking about something through a certain perspective, it doesn’t mean that it’s a fact.
3. Things are not always connected, nor are they always about you. For example, my roommate has been closing her doors (even bathroom) all the way when she leaves the house. It might sound weird, but it wasn’t something she used to do. So I thought maybe she was being passive-aggressive towards me. Then I realized that it’s to literally hide her room because inside was a complete mess: trash everywhere, clothes on the floor, etc. It’s very easy to attempt a logical rational behind why people behave certain ways or why something has happened to you, but sometimes it’s literally not about you.
4. Learn to let the little things go. Be chill. This is something I’ve realized internally before, but I can have a tendency to overthink things or to be fixated on certain things. But it honestly does no good to be like this. I’m better about this now but need to still work on learning to let the little things go. Like my therapist said, I need to pick my battles and if I’m fixating on every little single thing that’s bothering me, I’m not using my resources wisely.
5. You don’t need a reason to go to therapy. I know many people go because they’re experiencing a lot of stress or anxiety. Or after a major event. But for me personally, I find it soothing to talk to a non-biased source about what’s been going on during my week. It’s nice to see her perspective but also to feel like I’m prioritizing my mental health. I know people may have friends and family members to talk about issues but there’s something about talking to a third-party who truly doesn’t judge and who won’t gossip that I really enjoy!

Life Advice: Trying to Live One Day at a Time

Something I’ve realized is that I tend to get really worried about the future. It isn’t good for my mental health and it’s not so good to be focused on something you can’t change as much as you can the present.

I’ve been working on just focusing on one day at a time and not worrying incessantly about the future. This includes things like:

• My boyfriend and I will be long distance after graduation. What’s going to happen to our relationship? I’m still trying to decide for myself but I’m not putting pressure on it. The way I see it: even if we break up due to the distance, I would rather be with him until we aren’t together, instead of trying to find another relationship or be single. And I think our relationship will solidify in the next few months as well. But I know we also have to have the discussion.
• My roommate has anxiety and isn’t the best roommate. But because I know she has bigger things she’s worrying about (her mental health), I try to let some of her behavior slide. That’s not to say I’m not annoyed by it still, though– I definitely am.
• Life after graduation: I’ve been browsing apartments and I do have a little bit of anxiety trying to find a cheap enough apartment so that I have more spending money.

But for now, instead of thinking about the future and worrying myself too much, I will just enjoy the present!

2022: Speaking Up & No More People Pleasing | Apartment Living Rant

One of the things I’ve come to learn is that I can be quite non-communicative when living with housemates. There will be an issue and instead of me communicating with the person, I’ll kinda stew on it and rant to my friends because I don’t want to be dramatic and make a big deal out of nothing. After all, it can be awkward living with someone who you’re at odds with and you’re locked in a lease for a year! But I’m learning that my feelings are valid and as long as I have good intentions and appropriately air out my grievances, it should be ok.

With 2022 starting, I especially didn’t want to continue living with my roommate in this non-communicative, stewing-silently mode. Shortly after I came back from winter break, I asked for two things:

1. Food in the fridge/freezer is no longer communal. My roommate ate my tofu and used up all of my wine, and I was just fed up. I felt disrespected: I didn’t even have any of the wine! And this is the second time she’s used all of my tofu! Obviously, she agreed to the rule because it’s not like she can’t. She did use my ketchup without asking but I’m okay with spices, sauces, and condiments being communal. Anything more, I will speak up against.
2. We take turns taking out the trash now. Previously, I felt like I was always the one taking out the trash. Even if she made a meal and the trash was 80% hers and was overflowing, she wouldn’t automatically take out the trash. I HATED looking at an overflowing trash can and having flies swarm around it, so I would take it out myself. I think I enabled her. Now at least things are more balanced. I printed out a trash schedule calendar so it’s totally clear who has what week.

These rules were enacted recently so I hope they stick. Remember when I told her my meat, eggs, and produce weren’t communal and she still ate my tofu and broccoli? Remember when we agreed that no dirty dishes to be laying around and to wash dishes the same day you use them? Sigh.

I really think living with housemates/roommates can be such a toss-up.

I don’t want to end this post on a negative note so I’ll try to say something positive. My roommate recently got a new boyfriend and so far (fingers crossed), he has not slept over at the apartment or overstayed his visit. He comes for dinner about once a week or other small stays. This is something I really appreciate because I absolutely despise it when boyfriends become an informal “third roommate”. I feel uncomfortable going outside my room when there are guests in the house.

Can’t wait to live on my own after graduation!

Grad School Life Update: 1.5 years in. | Love, School, Work, and Home

Alright, my fall quarter is officially done! I just have two quarters left to go before I graduate this upcoming June. Here are my thoughts of where I stand:

LOVE: Relationship is still going strong! No complaints at all. I’m amazed at how refreshing it is to be in a genuinely healthy relationship for once. We have open communication, clear boundaries, and he’s honestly becoming one of my best friends.

SCHOOL:One quarter done, two quarters left! These upcoming two quarters will be more intense, especially since I’ll be working on my capstone but I’m excited. I’m thrilled and grateful to be living in Los Angeles, to have a great friend group, and to be able to have time to balance both work, school, and friends.

WORK:I quit my internship that had a long commute (45 minutes to one hour ONE WAY). I felt like I gained enough from it and it wasn’t worth the commute. I stayed on technically for 8 months total (virtual office), although it was just 3 months of commuting. I’m grateful to have secured a full-time job after graduation so I don’t feel like I need to continually bolster my resume.

HOME:Not much to update here! My roommate is still the same ol’ roommate: messier, disorganized, and ditzy. But my mentality is more now “well, I’m halfway done with the lease at this point!”

Rant: Roommate

I’ve been trying very hard not to write down a list of things I dislike about my roommate because then it will make it seem very… concrete and final. But I have to let it out.

1. She often has her meetings and phone calls on speakerphone. When this is in the common spaces of the apartment, I find it to be quite rude. I generally don’t mind when she has her calls on speakerphone/loud music in her room because that’s her personal space. Even when she has her music at maximum volume in her room, I try not to say anything. Instead, I just close my door all the way and use my noise-cancelling headphones and I think she gets the message.
2. She’s not good about washing her dishes and cleaning up after herself. Early on, we established two rules: wash dishes the same day you use them & do not have dirty dishes laying around the house. She followed this rule initially but started breaking it a few weeks ago.
3. She eats my food, even when I told her not to. When we first moved into the apartment, we said food was communal. After a while of her eating my food and me not eating hers (I don’t like her food and I buy what I like to personally eat), I told her I didn’t want my meat, produce, and eggs to be communal anymore (I was too scared to give a blanket statement but I should have) and if she needed to use something, please ask. She agreed. But lo and behold, she continued to use my food. Now, when I grocery shop, I meal prep the same day. I guess it’s been helpful in making me be intentional about my meals.
4. She’s ditzy and disorganized. I typically wouldn’t care if someone’s personality was ditzy… until it starts affecting me. She’s locked herself out on the balcony, forgotten her apartment keys, came late to our dinners and/or cancelled last minute, forgotten about the no-communal-food policy, etc.

The thing is, it’s difficult to “hate” her because I know she has good intentions and I genuinely do think she is just very … ditzy. However, ditzy or not, the result is the same: I don’t feel respected or comfortable in my living space. I try not to let her occupy too much of my mental energy though so hopefully this is the last post I have about her on my blog.

What I’ve learned during this process is that:

• Communication is important. This should be the first step in trying to resolve things.
• … However, when you communicate to your housemate your requests, and she ignores it/is too ditzy to remember…. the only thing you can do now is to change your own behavior. I now use noise-cancelling headphones to reduce the noise I hear from her, encourage the use of dishwasher so that we don’t have dirty dishes for days, meal prep the same day I buy groceries so she can’t use up my groceries, and generally try to let things go and not hold a grudge…

Sigh.

Grad School Life Update: 1.25 years in. | Love, School, Work, and Home

Alright, so it’s halfway through my Fall quarter of my second/last year of this Master’s program. I am graduating next June. Thought I’d do a little update of how life has been going!

• LOVE: I have a boyfriend! Remember all of my mopey, pessimistic posts from years ago? Haha! So far, this relationship is awesome! Very fresh but very much loving it. For those of you who are (jokingly) complaining about being perpetually single, my three quick tips for you are:

1. Get out more. Go to more social events, classes, etc. The more you go to more events, the more likely you’ll meet cool people. (Doesn’t even have to be a partner, but you can meet friends!)

2. When you’re at the events… socialize! Mingle! Grab their social media accounts! There’s no point in going to events if you’re not going to socialize and/or grab the cool people’s social media accounts.

3. Keep your personality attractive. This is a big one, but what I mean is: stay humble, keep up your good work ethic, don’t take things too seriously (don’t be petty and keep grudges), and be confident. Haven’t you ever come across a SUPER attractive person and realize their personality was absolute shit? Yeah, exactly. Work on yourself before you jump into a relationship. This is % true.

• SCHOOL: Classes are going well! Just trying to hammer out all of my Master’s program requirements. I’m basically trying to do the bare minimum because I want all of my free time to be spent exploring the city and enjoying life before I have to work until I’m 65….
• WORK: Got a full-time job offer! This is the same company I interned at but surprisingly, I actually had to go through two additional rounds of interviews because I wanted to work at a different office that I was interning at. I’m relieved I got this offer (which I accepted) because this means I don’t have to worry about this anymore.
• HOME: Apartment living is overall going well! Truthfully, my housemate eats my groceries more than I’d like, she’s clingier than I’d want, and she’s messier than I’d prefer… but compared to my last roommate situation, this is a waaaay better living situation. I also know I have the tendency to overthink and OVERBLOW situations so I’m trying to keep my cool here. If I’m being 100% honest, I think the main reason I find her “annoying” (this is much too strong of a word) is because I’m trying to have very separate boundaries with her because of my last housemate experience. BUT my housemate seems to want to be 100% besties with me, which I’m not down for. So there’s a bit of weirdness where she always wants to hang out and talk about her day and asks me about mine, and I’m more like “Welp, I just want to relax at home. I have other friends I can talk to about this stuff.” She is definitely more extroverted than me.

OVERALL: Life is going awesome for me and I’m so grateful.

Apartment Living: My Experience | Tips to Make Dorm Life/Co-Habitating Successful

I recently moved to a new apartment and my housemate is my classmate/friend. As someone who had a very, very bad roommate experience in college (mainly because that roommate constantly brought her boyfriend over), I was very apprehensive this time around. So far though, it’s generally been going pretty well. Here are my tips to successfully cohabitate with others:

• Communicate often and clearly. It’s important to set a mutually-agreed standard of how you and your housemate(s) want to live. As someone who doesn’t like confrontation, this has been the hardest for me. My housemate would always leave half-eaten dishes in the common spaces and wouldn’t wash her dishes until days later. After noticing this was a problem, I gently asked if we could propose some rules for common spaces: wash our dishes the same day we use them, and make sure there weren’t any unoccupied dishes in the common spaces. I structured it as a conversation, instead of me demanding it to happen, and brought up the larger picture: we didn’t want bugs in our house and this was an easy way to prevent that. I then asked if she thought these rules were fair and if she had anything to add. She apologized for her behavior, said it was fair, and everything generally has been smooth on this front now!
• Bring up any concerns gently. I think tone is a big factor in how something might go over. If I go yelling at my roommate that she made a mess, she’s instantly on the defensive, right? Approaching it in a kind and open manner will elicit a (hopefully) similar response back. Back when we were apartment hunting, I shared with her my concern of having boyfriends over the apartment too much. I told her my previous roommate would bring her boyfriend over constantly– his 6am alarm would wake me up daily, he snored, he acted like he lived in the apartment, etc.– and that I was very apprehensive about the topics of boyfriends being in the apartment. I think that conversation let her know very early on that she needs to be mindful of how often her boyfriend is over. Except for this weekend (his birthday weekend), he’s been over very minimally (not only for my sake but because she is a law student who needs to study!).
• Try not to make a big deal out of one thing. This is another thing I have to work on. My housemate’s boyfriend has been over since Thursday night, worked from our apartment Friday (even when my housemate was out of the house, at her law courses) and looks like he’s leaving Saturday morning. He was also here very briefly on Sunday evening to say hi, since he was in the area. Honestly, I got a little bit annoyed because I don’t think boyfriends should be over this much (2 visits a week is my hard max) and boyfriends shouldn’t be alone in the apartment (my housemate should always be present). BUT I want to be considerate and give more leeway just this time because it was his birthday weekend. If he comes over this often when it’s not a milestone event, then I will talk with my housemate.
• Realize that rules will apply to you too. I’m currently single and am not seeing anyone right now. I’m trying to be cognizant of the fact that when I do get a boyfriend, how would I feel about these rules? I can’t demand new rules, get a boyfriend, and go back on my word. A lot of the times, housemates might not all be in the same exact shoes so take careful consideration when making universal rules.

That’s all I have for now! Happy moving into dorms!

the apartment i’m getting with Daddy has a study. an 8x8 room with no set purpose. Daddy said we can turn it into a little room. he’s gonna put a cage and toys and a TV in there. he said we can put my 8 foot teddy in there too. he said we can put up pink wallpaper and ribbons. i couldn’t be happier!