Apartment Living: My Experience | Tips to Make Dorm Life/Co-Habitating Successful

I recently moved to a new apartment and my housemate is my classmate/friend. As someone who had a very, very bad roommate experience in college (mainly because that roommate constantly brought her boyfriend over), I was very apprehensive this time around. So far though, it’s generally been going pretty well. Here are my tips to successfully cohabitate with others:

• Communicate often and clearly. It’s important to set a mutually-agreed standard of how you and your housemate(s) want to live. As someone who doesn’t like confrontation, this has been the hardest for me. My housemate would always leave half-eaten dishes in the common spaces and wouldn’t wash her dishes until days later. After noticing this was a problem, I gently asked if we could propose some rules for common spaces: wash our dishes the same day we use them, and make sure there weren’t any unoccupied dishes in the common spaces. I structured it as a conversation, instead of me demanding it to happen, and brought up the larger picture: we didn’t want bugs in our house and this was an easy way to prevent that. I then asked if she thought these rules were fair and if she had anything to add. She apologized for her behavior, said it was fair, and everything generally has been smooth on this front now!
• Bring up any concerns gently. I think tone is a big factor in how something might go over. If I go yelling at my roommate that she made a mess, she’s instantly on the defensive, right? Approaching it in a kind and open manner will elicit a (hopefully) similar response back. Back when we were apartment hunting, I shared with her my concern of having boyfriends over the apartment too much. I told her my previous roommate would bring her boyfriend over constantly– his 6am alarm would wake me up daily, he snored, he acted like he lived in the apartment, etc.– and that I was very apprehensive about the topics of boyfriends being in the apartment. I think that conversation let her know very early on that she needs to be mindful of how often her boyfriend is over. Except for this weekend (his birthday weekend), he’s been over very minimally (not only for my sake but because she is a law student who needs to study!).
• Try not to make a big deal out of one thing. This is another thing I have to work on. My housemate’s boyfriend has been over since Thursday night, worked from our apartment Friday (even when my housemate was out of the house, at her law courses) and looks like he’s leaving Saturday morning. He was also here very briefly on Sunday evening to say hi, since he was in the area. Honestly, I got a little bit annoyed because I don’t think boyfriends should be over this much (2 visits a week is my hard max) and boyfriends shouldn’t be alone in the apartment (my housemate should always be present). BUT I want to be considerate and give more leeway just this time because it was his birthday weekend. If he comes over this often when it’s not a milestone event, then I will talk with my housemate.
• Realize that rules will apply to you too. I’m currently single and am not seeing anyone right now. I’m trying to be cognizant of the fact that when I do get a boyfriend, how would I feel about these rules? I can’t demand new rules, get a boyfriend, and go back on my word. A lot of the times, housemates might not all be in the same exact shoes so take careful consideration when making universal rules.

That’s all I have for now! Happy moving into dorms!

“Find a job you enjoy doing, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” - Mark Twain

If there was one piece of advice I could give my younger self, I would probably say this: Focus on your own journey, and stop comparing it with other people’s journeys.

I always heard how software engineers could make 6 figures easily upon graduation. Doctors are highly esteemed and select specialties make money out of the wazoo. If you don’t want to go the doctor route, PAs also have the potential to make amazing money.

It took me awhile to understand how each of us have different strengths and weaknesses. And it’s really not great to idolize certain professions without understanding/recognizing the work that goes behind it.

For example: There’s the stereotype that software engineers have “easy” jobs and the tech industry seems so relaxed and chill. “All” they do is code and they get paid a crazy amount of money. I used to admire them and honestly, was jealous of them – I wish I could earn that much! But the reality is, I’ve taken a few coding classes and truthfully, all of the classes were really difficult for me and I was stressed most of the time. I’ve come to the conclusion that coding and programming isn’t for me, or at least certainly not what I’d want to do for a living!

Another example: Doctors are incredibly hardworking. You have to go through YEARS of education and training to be a doctor. And honestly, I can’t handle that.

Recognizing the work behind each profession makes me realize how I wouldn’t be a great fit in those professions and makes me shift my mindset from “WOW! I’m jealous of that profession and wish I could make that much money!” to “Wow! I know I wouldn’t be happy in that position, but I recognize the work that it takes to get there and that’s admirable! Good for them!”

Instead of idolizing certain professions, we should admire when people pursue what they’re passionate about – whether that’s software engineering, being a doctor, working as a city planner, etc. Recognize that certain individuals are better suited for certain professions over others. Certainly, not everyone is suited to be a doctor, engineer, lawyer, etc.

Life is really about finding what your strengths and weaknesses are. When my friends are off pursuing their passions (or still trying to figure it out!), I’m genuinely happy for them. I used to secretly (in my head) compare salaries, benefits, job growth, etc. But it’s so unhealthy to have that competitive mindset. Is there even one job that is clearly the #1 option for everyone? Of course not!

All you can do in life is find what your passion is, pursue it, and if you’re so lucky to have your job and passion line together, oh man - that’s the dream!