Grad School Life Update: 1.9 years in. | Love, School, Work, and Home

Okay I graduate next month so I’m calling this my 1.9 years in update, haha.

LOVE: Relationship is steady! At this point, I feel like I’m getting really comfortable with him and the relationship, and I often have my guard down. I am still a little worried about life after graduation when we will be in different locations but ultimately through therapy, I’ve come to a place where I can genuinely say I’m taking it day by day and not overthinking.

SCHOOL: One *MONTH* left! Is that crazy?! These past few weeks have been crazy hectic with assignment deadlines and capstone requirements. I recently took my graduation photos and it made graduation feel so real. Overall, I’m very excited to graduate and leave this chapter for a new one!

WORK: I have had my full-time job offer secured since the Fall and I’m very grateful that I haven’t had to stress about job hunting on top of finals, etc. I’m trying to enjoy my last couple of months of “freedom” before I have to work full-time until I’m 65. I’m also TAing this quarter (as I have most quarters while in grad school) and I am getting a little burnt out with everything. But the end is near!

HOME: Similar update to before. My roommate has not really changed: she’s still messier and not as courteous as I’d like (or that I am to her) but the lease is almost up at this point. Living with her and just overall looking back at my experiences living with others has reaffirmed that I want to live solo. I also think it’s important to live by yourself (if you’re able to) and see how that experience goes.

All in all, I’m enjoying my last month as a graduate student. Life is good!

Grad School Life Update: 1.5 years in. | Love, School, Work, and Home

Alright, my fall quarter is officially done! I just have two quarters left to go before I graduate this upcoming June. Here are my thoughts of where I stand:

LOVE: Relationship is still going strong! No complaints at all. I’m amazed at how refreshing it is to be in a genuinely healthy relationship for once. We have open communication, clear boundaries, and he’s honestly becoming one of my best friends.

SCHOOL:One quarter done, two quarters left! These upcoming two quarters will be more intense, especially since I’ll be working on my capstone but I’m excited. I’m thrilled and grateful to be living in Los Angeles, to have a great friend group, and to be able to have time to balance both work, school, and friends.

WORK:I quit my internship that had a long commute (45 minutes to one hour ONE WAY). I felt like I gained enough from it and it wasn’t worth the commute. I stayed on technically for 8 months total (virtual office), although it was just 3 months of commuting. I’m grateful to have secured a full-time job after graduation so I don’t feel like I need to continually bolster my resume.

HOME:Not much to update here! My roommate is still the same ol’ roommate: messier, disorganized, and ditzy. But my mentality is more now “well, I’m halfway done with the lease at this point!”

Grad School Life Update: 1.25 years in. | Love, School, Work, and Home

Alright, so it’s halfway through my Fall quarter of my second/last year of this Master’s program. I am graduating next June. Thought I’d do a little update of how life has been going!

• LOVE: I have a boyfriend! Remember all of my mopey, pessimistic posts from years ago? Haha! So far, this relationship is awesome! Very fresh but very much loving it. For those of you who are (jokingly) complaining about being perpetually single, my three quick tips for you are:

1. Get out more. Go to more social events, classes, etc. The more you go to more events, the more likely you’ll meet cool people. (Doesn’t even have to be a partner, but you can meet friends!)

2. When you’re at the events… socialize! Mingle! Grab their social media accounts! There’s no point in going to events if you’re not going to socialize and/or grab the cool people’s social media accounts.

3. Keep your personality attractive. This is a big one, but what I mean is: stay humble, keep up your good work ethic, don’t take things too seriously (don’t be petty and keep grudges), and be confident. Haven’t you ever come across a SUPER attractive person and realize their personality was absolute shit? Yeah, exactly. Work on yourself before you jump into a relationship. This is % true.

• SCHOOL: Classes are going well! Just trying to hammer out all of my Master’s program requirements. I’m basically trying to do the bare minimum because I want all of my free time to be spent exploring the city and enjoying life before I have to work until I’m 65….
• WORK: Got a full-time job offer! This is the same company I interned at but surprisingly, I actually had to go through two additional rounds of interviews because I wanted to work at a different office that I was interning at. I’m relieved I got this offer (which I accepted) because this means I don’t have to worry about this anymore.
• HOME: Apartment living is overall going well! Truthfully, my housemate eats my groceries more than I’d like, she’s clingier than I’d want, and she’s messier than I’d prefer… but compared to my last roommate situation, this is a waaaay better living situation. I also know I have the tendency to overthink and OVERBLOW situations so I’m trying to keep my cool here. If I’m being 100% honest, I think the main reason I find her “annoying” (this is much too strong of a word) is because I’m trying to have very separate boundaries with her because of my last housemate experience. BUT my housemate seems to want to be 100% besties with me, which I’m not down for. So there’s a bit of weirdness where she always wants to hang out and talk about her day and asks me about mine, and I’m more like “Welp, I just want to relax at home. I have other friends I can talk to about this stuff.” She is definitely more extroverted than me.

OVERALL: Life is going awesome for me and I’m so grateful.

Apartment Living: My Experience | Tips to Make Dorm Life/Co-Habitating Successful

I recently moved to a new apartment and my housemate is my classmate/friend. As someone who had a very, very bad roommate experience in college (mainly because that roommate constantly brought her boyfriend over), I was very apprehensive this time around. So far though, it’s generally been going pretty well. Here are my tips to successfully cohabitate with others:

• Communicate often and clearly. It’s important to set a mutually-agreed standard of how you and your housemate(s) want to live. As someone who doesn’t like confrontation, this has been the hardest for me. My housemate would always leave half-eaten dishes in the common spaces and wouldn’t wash her dishes until days later. After noticing this was a problem, I gently asked if we could propose some rules for common spaces: wash our dishes the same day we use them, and make sure there weren’t any unoccupied dishes in the common spaces. I structured it as a conversation, instead of me demanding it to happen, and brought up the larger picture: we didn’t want bugs in our house and this was an easy way to prevent that. I then asked if she thought these rules were fair and if she had anything to add. She apologized for her behavior, said it was fair, and everything generally has been smooth on this front now!
• Bring up any concerns gently. I think tone is a big factor in how something might go over. If I go yelling at my roommate that she made a mess, she’s instantly on the defensive, right? Approaching it in a kind and open manner will elicit a (hopefully) similar response back. Back when we were apartment hunting, I shared with her my concern of having boyfriends over the apartment too much. I told her my previous roommate would bring her boyfriend over constantly– his 6am alarm would wake me up daily, he snored, he acted like he lived in the apartment, etc.– and that I was very apprehensive about the topics of boyfriends being in the apartment. I think that conversation let her know very early on that she needs to be mindful of how often her boyfriend is over. Except for this weekend (his birthday weekend), he’s been over very minimally (not only for my sake but because she is a law student who needs to study!).
• Try not to make a big deal out of one thing. This is another thing I have to work on. My housemate’s boyfriend has been over since Thursday night, worked from our apartment Friday (even when my housemate was out of the house, at her law courses) and looks like he’s leaving Saturday morning. He was also here very briefly on Sunday evening to say hi, since he was in the area. Honestly, I got a little bit annoyed because I don’t think boyfriends should be over this much (2 visits a week is my hard max) and boyfriends shouldn’t be alone in the apartment (my housemate should always be present). BUT I want to be considerate and give more leeway just this time because it was his birthday weekend. If he comes over this often when it’s not a milestone event, then I will talk with my housemate.
• Realize that rules will apply to you too. I’m currently single and am not seeing anyone right now. I’m trying to be cognizant of the fact that when I do get a boyfriend, how would I feel about these rules? I can’t demand new rules, get a boyfriend, and go back on my word. A lot of the times, housemates might not all be in the same exact shoes so take careful consideration when making universal rules.

That’s all I have for now! Happy moving into dorms!

My sister often tells me I am “fake” when I’m on phone calls or in class or work, and this has always rubbed me the wrong way. After thinking about it for awhile, I think it’s because it’s obviously implies that I am not being my authentic self and only portraying a certain side in order to “get what I want” (her words). 

But I think you gotta be a little “fake” in life to get to where you need to be. 

And first, a disclaimer: I don’t think this is being “fake” at all. I think a person can have multiple sides of them. 

For example, when you’re out with your close friends, you may feel at ease and unfiltered. You can gossip, catch up, talk about your favorite TV shows/dating stories/family annoyances, etc. When you’re at work, you have a more polished side of you that shows: you talk courteously, you’re respectful to your coworkers and patient, you only talk about related and professional topics. Obviously, you are not going to act completely the same in all environments: with friends, with work colleagues, in class, etc.

When I talk with my professors, I have a more polished side. I’m not that close to them yet so it’s almost like a casual interview vibe with them, when I go in for office hours. These professors are going to write me letter of recommendations in the future, so obviously they don’t need to know me on a PERSONAL level the way my best friends do. Sure, they can know about my hobbies and things like that. But I’m not going to rant to them about how my sister used up all of my facial moisturizer, and it was expensive, and I was really upset. 

Obviously, there’s a line. Don’t be COMPLETELY different from your “work” side and your “personal” side, and have contrasting personalities. I think your personality would show through in both cases (if you’re bubbly and social, that should be portrayed either way), but you’re just restricting yourself on what you’ll share. 

I don’t know, maybe I’m not writing about this topic eloquently enough but tldr; be cognizant of what “you” you’re presenting in what environment!

What I Would Tell My Younger, College Self

Being a few years out of undergraduate, and currently in graduate school, has made me reflect back at what I used to think were the hardest years of my life. Now, because I’m older and hopefully wiser, I laugh but if I could go back in time, this is what I would tell my younger 18-22 year old self.

1. Grades don’t matter… to an extent. Sure, if you have great grades, you have wider options: scholarships, employment, funding, grad school, etc. But truthfully, most scholarships and internship offers are based on a 3.0 GPA. Some of the stricter ones have a 3.5 GPA requirement. Unless you’re set on going to graduate school (in which case, definitely try to get a high GPA), you will likely be fine with a 3.0 GPA (this is the case especiallyif your major is STEM; if your major is non-STEM, maybe shoot for a 3.5 GPA). When I graduated undergrad and got my first “real” full-time job, they never even asked me what my GPA was or required a transcript. I say this to hopefully relieve some pressure off you. A few “Bs” (or “C"s tbh) won’t kill you.
2. Make memories. Hang out with your friends. Go outside and go hiking. Go camping. Go on retreats. Get involved in extracurriculars. You don’t want to always be in your dorm, watching Netflix, when you’re not in class. Sure, sometimes you need to wind down but you don’t want your entire undergraduate experience to be summed up with "netflix.” I promise you: you will not remember the shows you binged your sophomore year of college, but you WILL remember that awesome overnight camping trip you took at Yosemite.
3. Network.I used to cringe when people would network in undergrad because I thought they were being so “extra” and so “fake.” And now I’m understanding that the mantra “fake it til you make it” is really accurate… It doesn’t matter how you personally feel about networking, but the reality is that most people get their jobs through networking (and those who network tend to have a “leg up”). If you want to be successful, I’d argue that networking is a key strategy you should implement, to some extent. The more professional experiences you have earlier on, the easier it is to get better opportunities later on: your success builds upon itself. And you don’t have to be super fake about it either; the people who are the best networkers tend to be the most genuine.
4. Have a small group of close, quality friends and work on strengthening those friendships. It’s better to have 3 quality best friends, instead of 10 friends that you’re not really all that close to. Quality over quantity, for sure. Although you should focus on quality, I still think it’s good to be socially connected with your classmates and acquaintances/friends through Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, LinkedIn, etc: after all, this is just good networking + who knows who may become your next close friend when you move to a new state! In college, it’s easy to hang out with friends but after college, it’s much more difficult to keep these friendships up.
5. Lastly, treat your body well. This means both mentally (most college campuses offer free, or reduced cost, therapy sessions! take advantage of this! once you’re in the “real world”, these sessions are $$$) and physically (eat the right type of food! exercise!).

Ultimately, college is what you make of it. It’s a period where you can explore your passions and find who you are. But also at the same time, it’s also meant to help advance your (future) career. You can definitely find the right balance between your professional and personal goals.

Living with Strict, Narcissistic Asian Parents | Breaking Out of the Comfort Zone

After I graduated from high school, I went to a college that was 400 miles away from my parents. The next 4 years were full of challenges and growth. And quite frankly, this was the time where my relationship with my mom was at its best. Let me say that more clearly: Distance is the best thing you can have if you have strict, narcissistic asian parents.

Why? They can’t control you. In my case, all my parents could really do was text or call me. Once the homesickness faded, we all got used to living without each other. My parents would check in with me occasionally but otherwise, let me live my life. We all knew we were just a phone call or text away. (Note: My parents didn’t mind me going to this far away college, because it was UC Berkeley and as we all know, Asian parents love to brag and take pride in rankings.)

Fast forward to today: After college graduation, I moved back home because I got a salaried position near my hometown. I worked there for 2.5 years, then was set to attend graduate school and was excited with the idea of moving away again. Unfortunately, COVID-19 happened and the entire academic year was online. Fortunately, the next academic year is planned to be in-person so I still get to move out!

Now that I’m at this point, I look back and wonder: “Do I regret living at home for the past 3 years?” And honestly, I have to reluctantly say “no.” As much as I did have extreme tension (!!!) with my parents, I have to admit I think the end result turned out ok. I did often feel socially “stunted” and that my privacy wasn’t always respected, however. But through these 3 years, I must’ve easily saved about $50,000 from not having to pay market rent, expenses, food, etc. With me in a master’s program, having this extra $50,000 is extremely helpful so that I don’t have to go into debt for education.

So I’m rambling here. What’s my takeaway?

• If you can, go to a college far away from home. At least far enough where you can dorm. Undergraduate years are a great time to find yourself.
• After graduation, consider your future plans. Are you considering graduate school? Are you still unsure about your career path? If yes, consider moving back home to help save while you think about how to proceed. If no, consider staying away from your parents! Or close enough to visit occasionally but far enough where they can’t control you. I know everyone says to live apart, but it’s 2021 and the reality is living expenses are CRAZY HIGH. Living with your parents is not nearly as stigmatized as it used to be.
• If you do find yourself living back at home (for whatever reason), make the most of it. Your parents will likely make you pay reduced market-price rent or if you’re lucky, no rent at all. SAVE, SAVE, SAVE. If you have a transactional relationship with your Asian parents, just think of your stay as a temporary one. And one that ultimately helps your end goal.
• It’s also easy to stay stuck in this “comfort zone” of just living at home with minimal expenses forever. This isn’t great obviously, and is something I even succumbed to. You gotta grow! Live at home for a few years after graduation, but ALWAYS keep in the back of your mind your exit strategy. Are you staying at home until you get into grad school? Until you get your ideal job? Until you have saved enough for a car?

Of course everyone’s personal situation is unique so this post isn’t a cookie-cutter fit for all.

“Find a job you enjoy doing, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” - Mark Twain

If there was one piece of advice I could give my younger self, I would probably say this: Focus on your own journey, and stop comparing it with other people’s journeys.

I always heard how software engineers could make 6 figures easily upon graduation. Doctors are highly esteemed and select specialties make money out of the wazoo. If you don’t want to go the doctor route, PAs also have the potential to make amazing money.

It took me awhile to understand how each of us have different strengths and weaknesses. And it’s really not great to idolize certain professions without understanding/recognizing the work that goes behind it.

For example: There’s the stereotype that software engineers have “easy” jobs and the tech industry seems so relaxed and chill. “All” they do is code and they get paid a crazy amount of money. I used to admire them and honestly, was jealous of them – I wish I could earn that much! But the reality is, I’ve taken a few coding classes and truthfully, all of the classes were really difficult for me and I was stressed most of the time. I’ve come to the conclusion that coding and programming isn’t for me, or at least certainly not what I’d want to do for a living!

Another example: Doctors are incredibly hardworking. You have to go through YEARS of education and training to be a doctor. And honestly, I can’t handle that.

Recognizing the work behind each profession makes me realize how I wouldn’t be a great fit in those professions and makes me shift my mindset from “WOW! I’m jealous of that profession and wish I could make that much money!” to “Wow! I know I wouldn’t be happy in that position, but I recognize the work that it takes to get there and that’s admirable! Good for them!”

Instead of idolizing certain professions, we should admire when people pursue what they’re passionate about – whether that’s software engineering, being a doctor, working as a city planner, etc. Recognize that certain individuals are better suited for certain professions over others. Certainly, not everyone is suited to be a doctor, engineer, lawyer, etc.

Life is really about finding what your strengths and weaknesses are. When my friends are off pursuing their passions (or still trying to figure it out!), I’m genuinely happy for them. I used to secretly (in my head) compare salaries, benefits, job growth, etc. But it’s so unhealthy to have that competitive mindset. Is there even one job that is clearly the #1 option for everyone? Of course not!

All you can do in life is find what your passion is, pursue it, and if you’re so lucky to have your job and passion line together, oh man - that’s the dream!

Alright, there are many of us out here. Long story short: our parents immigrated over to the US, we are first-generation Americans, and there’s often clashes between the Asian culture and the American culture. Specifically, this post is for those of us who have narcissistic, strict Asian parents. If you don’t meet these, I’m sure maybe this post may seem harsh.

Here are 10 things I want to share with my fellow Asian-Americans in similar shoes.

1. Know that your experience may be common among other first-generation Americans who attempt to normalize the parents’ behavior, but that the parents’ behavior is NOT ok. This is something that I see happening often. I’ll say something like “Yeah so they weren’t the best parents.” or “My parents are complicated people” and the person will say, “Haha but that’s what everyone our age [20′s] says about their parents.” or “But they’re your parents!” I’ve learned to filter people who are dismissive! (I much rather them say “Totally see where you’re coming from!” or “Oh, yeah I see.” and *acknowledge* my statement, instead of dismissing it.)
2. If your parents see you as an “investment”, you’re not the only one! My parents (especially my mom) see her children as investments. While I understand there’s some cultural aspect to this point of view, I see this mentality as objectifying children and something that is completely tasteless. Perhaps that’s because I’m apparently “Americanized.” I don’t think parents should treat their children as material objects, wanting to “cash in” on them later. Instead, I think if parents treat their children well, children will be likely to return the favor. You should not need to threaten or consistently remind children that they “owe” you.
   
3. If your parents often criticize you by calling you “ugly”, “fat”, or “stupid, know that this is 100% a reflection of them, and NOT you. I am honestly pretty sensitive so this bullying used to really hurt my feelings. Now I am older and understand that they are reflecting how they feel about themselves and that they are massively insecure. While they try to say things like “Well, I say this because I care about you”, don’t believe it. What kind of logic is that? If your parents say these things to you, let it roll off and ignore them the best you can.
4. If your parents are money-oriented, keep your budget and monetary matters private. I understand where this comes from because many of them came with only the clothes on their backs to America. However, this does not allow them to control YOUR money and finances. Please, please, please make sure you have a separate bank account from your parents and that your finances are not co-mingling with theirs. Once that is established, make sure you keep your budget and monetary matters private. Don’t tell them your salary, your spending habits, how often you eat out, your big purchases, etc. Otherwise, they will use you or use the information against you. My mom will throw a literal TEMPER TANTRUM if she sees take-out in the trash cans. OR she’ll go “Wow, you eat out so much. Why don’t you ever buy me anything? You seem like you have so much money to spend.” I’ve had to hide Amazon packages from her, too. (Note: I’m good with money, so her critique of my spending is unwarranted.)
   
5. Nosy and intrusive parents? Keep conversations to small talk. Similar to the last point of how parents will use information they know against you… the best way to combat this is to just tell them less information. Of course in my specific situation, I can’t simply ignore or block them (nor do I think that action is entirely warranted … I just do limited contact). But I tell them small talk topics. Things I know they can’t really use against me. School, work, dog. I would NEVER, EVER tell them about my love life until I’m sure this guy is the one I want to marry, or something. My parents are much too nosy.
6. Strict parents, high expectations, and never satisfied… To an extent, I’m sure this has led to growth and higher accomplishments. But fuck, I hate when my parents have these crazy expectations of what I can do. And when I do well, they never say praise. It’s “expected” I perform well. Please know that all of your accomplishments take effort and you are appreciated! Even if not by your parents. 
7. If you have parents who are more “housemates” versus happily married couple, well… same. Divorce is very, very taboo in Asian culture, apparently. My parents will argue very often: loud screaming matches, doors being slammed, things being broken, cursing in their language. They’ve threatened divorce multiple times a year, but um they’re still together nearly 30+ years later. This has skewed my view of relationships. Truthfully, I had a period where I desperately wanted someone even if we might not be the best fit (high school/college), but now I’ve realized it’s better to be single than be in the wrong relationship. I am proud of my growth and single status - I’m working on myself, my goals, and my needs. If you have similar parents, please know that there ARE healthy, non-toxic relationships out there. If anything, view your parents’ relationships as what NOT to do.
8.  My parents have often simplistic views of medicine and health. And look, I get it, I know there is Eastern medicine. I cannot just “drink more water” and have everything be ok. I cannot just “eat vegetables” and have clear skin. I cannot just “drink Asian soup” and have all of my back pains gone. I understand the importance of diet, of course, but this is way too simplistic and often ignores science and modern medicine. To me, personally, it comes off as dismissive and disrespectful, especially when I ask my parents to respect my wishes (and my doctor’s) wishes to take medication/surgery/etc. When I was coming off a major 6-hour spinal surgery, my mom would refuse to let me take my pain medicine. Um, what? When my mom learned I was on birth control to control my periods and better my life, she threw my medicine away. I believe my health are private matters, and I don’t think anyone (except your partner) really needs to know your business.
9. Constant comparing and judging is a commonality with Asian parents. And I hate it. Why do I care about your co-worker’s daughter who I’ve never met?! The constant comparing makes everything in life feel like a competition. Now, when my parents try to compare or judge, I just nod and don’t give them any reaction. I’m secure in my own self and my accomplishments. I also think my parents just like to hear themselves talk… 
10. Lastly… know that you are not your parents. Just because you are genetically related to your parents, does NOT mean you will become just like them. You CAN break the cycle and be GOOD parents to your future children. The fact that you are aware your parents are not the best parents shows you are cognizant and recognize their behavior is not acceptable.

I’ll also drop two Reddit sites that have helped me: /raisedbynarcissistsand/asianparentstories 

HOWEVER, I would recommend you only spend 30 minutes a day on these sites because surrounding yourself in negative posts isn’t great for your mental health (at least for me, anyway). While it’s great to find relatable posts, I think it’s better for me to do a positive activity that boosts my mood, instead of stirring up anger and resentment (which is how I feel after viewing the sites for too long, lol).

I previously published a post entitled “The Honest Guide on Preparing for College” in June 2015. It’s since racked up over 7,000+ notes - which is crazy to me! 

But now with the pandemic happening, I think a “refresh” is warranted for the guide. So here it is: The Honest Guide on Preparing for College - COVID-19 Edition. This list assumes you are remote-learning and events are not in person. 15 tips!

1. Suffer from acne? Have a mental illness you’d like to get supported on? Visit a dermatologist. Visit a therapist. The reality is, the earlier you start, the earlier you can begin to see results. For me personally, it took a LOT of trial and error to get my skin clear - and what better time to do this than now? While in-person college would’ve had you going bare-faced often in the dorms, you still want to feel your best during these remote-learning sessions. Additionally, COVID-19 is wreaking HAVOC on everyone’s mental health so definitely feel encouraged to get that checked out!
2. Figure out a rough guideline of your morning/night routine. This still holds true for remote-learning. I would urge you to try to stick to some sort of routine even if you’re not physically going to classes. Maybe dressing up everyday is too much for you, but at least wash your face and brush your hair and look presentable. Don’t turn off your camera and don’t be a passive participant.
3. Understand that the way you organize high school classes is different from college classes. Typically, college classes are MWF, TTH, etc and don’t meet daily like in HS.
4. Invest in learning how techniques that make you feel good and look good. That might be learning some basic make-up skills, learning what clothes fits your body shape, learning workout techniques,  where to place your laptop for Zoom school, anything!
5. Make sure your Zoom background is appropriate and in a well-lit space. Make sure you wear appropriate clothes. This is basic but you’d be surprised at how many people I’ve seen in very dim spaces or untidy backgrounds. And I’ve realized sometimes I’m wearing a normal tank top but because of the camera position, it looks like I’m not wearing a shirt. Definitely wear something that looks good on camera, meaning doesn’t make you look topless!
6. Realize that the first month-ish of school is the prime time to make new friends. I still think this is true. Be friendly during Zoom calls, maybe ask for a classmate or two’s phone #s to be study buddies and bond that way, start up a study group immediately, etc. People are much less likely to have organic conversations now, so you definitely have to put some active effort to build relationships! 
7. Keep in touch with your old friends! I’d argue that they might be closer to you than your newly formed college friends because it’s going to be hard to make new college friends now.
8. Be very organized about your schedule. Put in midterms/finals as soon as you know them. Put in study sessions. Put in professors’ office hours. Anything! 
9. Don’t skip class… seriously. And try to participate if you can. Professors are trying here. College today is now very impersonal, so why skip out on it? What’s the alternative? Watching the recorded lecture by yourself at night? :/
10. Be proactive about your classes and class planning. Pick classes you’ll enjoy (or think you’ll enjoy). Be diligent about visiting your advisor from time to time (just to make sure you’re on track! you definitely don’t want any surprises down the road, right?) If you’re not a morning person, don’t enroll in that 8AM (seriously, 8AM in college is WAY different from 8AM high school) if you won’t be able to remember material (even if you can zoom from your bed!)
11. Understand your finances for college. Including scholarships, how much you’re paying out of pocket, if you’re working, etc. It is a confusing topic and can be scary but it’s important to be on top of all your money stuff! 
12. Be gentle with yourself and others. Recognize that everyone is going through this pandemic and for most, this college experience ISN’T what they expected (or paid for). Be gracious, don’t be petty. Switching to remote learning is a new thing for many of us. Give yourself (and others) a grace period to understand the new methods and how to access the programs, etc.
13. Learn how to socialize and do small talk. I know, I know. No one likes small talk but I think it’s a skill to be able to talk to everyone and have a pleasant conversation. (Who ever would’ve thought we would have to do recruiting at college fairs online?!) 
14. Be ambitious and take advantage of all the resources. Wait, what? Yeah, go to that webinar about carbon emissions! Go to the panel about alumni experiences. There have been SO MANY virtual webinars and meetings lately - soak up all that knowledge! It’s never been easier to jump from meeting to meeting! And if you’re doing well with Zoom learning, well, stack on the courses! Personally, I can juggle 20 units in Zoom School but in person, this would’ve been a HUGE no-no.
15. Realize how small the world is and how connected everything is. Don’t talk shit about people. Seriously. The person you’re complaining about may have a friend who is taking a class with the person you’re telling to. Or the person you’re telling it to may have a friend who has a friend who knows the person. If it’s one thing that keeps coming up in my time here, it’s that everyone seems to know everybody (or is a friend of a friend). So limit your shit-talking, secret-sharing, gossip talk to only your trusted confidants. Seriously, though. As you go through college, you’ll come to notice that many people will reappear in your classes because of being in the same major, and more. The world is small, y’all. Don’t be reckless.
    

We get it, if you’ve accomplished a lot, you might really be feeling yourself. You might want the world to know. You feel GOOD. But I think there’s a very thin line between being proud of your accomplishments and being pretentious.

And I toe this line often, admittedly.

What I’ve Learned:

• Honestly, don’t bring things up if they’re not relevant to the conversation. Don’t try to “sneak” it into the conversation. You know how you can tell when someone is lovestruck because they constantly name-drop their boyfriend, or say “oh, my boyfriend and I…” in every sentence, when the conversation is about school loans or something TOTALLY irrelevant? Yeah, exactly. It can get annoying. Having a boyfriend, or receiving an award, is not your WHOLE identity (I hope).
• It is way more impressive to be humble about your achievements in most settings. Unless this is an interview or you are helping someone who is interested in your experiences, there’s really no need to brag that you got a full ride or how you’ve gotten a 4.0 GPA unsolicitedly. There’s a time and place for everything. Even with forums like LinkedIn which are meant to showcase your professional accomplishments, you need to watch your tone and wording so that the post does not come off as snarky or pretentious!
• Life is not a competition. I’ve realized my need to share accomplishments is because I like the validation, but it’s like ??? That’s no bueno. I am actively working on not seeing everything as a competition because that makes life unnecessarily more dramatic and stressful. There’s a difference between confidence and pretentiousness! 

Tldr; share only when needed, be humble (sit down), and take a chill-pill. Keeping this points in mind have helped with my mental health too!

I recently started graduate school and have been very fortunate to land a TA, or teaching assistant, position! I help teach three sections of an undergraduate introductory science course. 

It’s been about a month of being a TA, and whew… it’s a lot of work! Here’s what I want you all, as undergraduate students, to know:

• I’m a college student too. Like you, I am here at this university to study. I may be at the graduate level, but I still have classes to attend, assignments to complete, research to participate in, etc just like you. I am not at your beck and call, and cannot be expected to respond to emails immediately, unfortunately. I try to reply to emails within 1 business day.
  
• I don’t know everything about this class topic. Yes, I have a background in the subject and was chosen from the applicant pool to be a TA. But that does not mean I know the answers to every question you have about the material. I will do my best to answer or point you to good resources, though. But please don’t expect that I’m a walking encyclopedia! I’m finding that I get very specific questions or “what if” questions - and I love it! But just know many times this may not be within the scope of this course.
• I have imposter syndrome. I’m not sure how I got admitted as a graduate student. I’m not sure how I was chosen to be a TA. I still feel very unqualified in many aspects of my life! 
• We are not necessarily close with the professor. We likely have meetings with the professor weekly to discuss things, but it’s a very professional friendly relationship. TAs are not necessarily chosen because they work in the same field or research lab as the professor; certainly not me!
• As a first-time TA, know I’m anxious before each section I teach! Try to be understanding and have patience. I’m doing my best! If a TA has taught before, they are likely more experienced and less likely to get flustered. 
• Grading actually takes … a while. Don’t expect your papers to get graded ASAP. I have 3 lab sections to teach, and it’s about 80 students total for me. That’s 80 assignments I have to grade… every week. 
• Understand that being a TA is much more than teaching a section and grading papers each week. I have to attend a required teaching pedagogy course (on top of my busy coursework!), weekly TA meetings with the professor, host weekly office hours, spend hours before section to prepare, respond to student emails which range from anxiety/mental health issues to wifi problems to confusion over a topic, etc. PLUS, throw in COVID-19 right now and it can get hectic! I’m at 20 units this quarter! I know not all TAs are this busy (some are in their last quarter, or just focusing on research) but just a FYI!
• Why do we want to TA? Benefits include great experience, tuition remission, networking, etc. Receiving a TA position gives you amazing experience to interact with students to teach them a topic you’re (hopefully) passionate (or at least, proficient) at. It looks great on a resume, plus it doesn’t hurt that most TA positions offer fee remissions. AKA most of your fees for the quarter/semester are paid as a result of your employment AND you get a monthly salary on top of that. It’s not “cushy”, it’s appropriate given the amount of work. Lastly, the chance to network with professors and leaders of the field is amazing too!
• Please participate in class! It’s really awkward for us when we do our best to teach, and … no one participates. Or students do the bare minimum. If it feels awkward for you, trust me, it’s awkward for me too.
• Many times, the class is structured and formatted in a specific way and the TA is just a facilitator. I’m very fortunate that the course I help teach is very structured: specific powerpoints, assignments, worksheets, homework problems, etc. I do not really have a say in how the lesson planning of the overall class. I have more say in the individual sections I lead, but even then I have to abide by certain rules (no recording of lecture, no posting of powerpoints, etc), use specific powerpoints (I can add my own slides, or modify a little bit), etc so that there is consistency between all TAs. That makes sense, right? 

tldr; Being a TA is a lot of work. Since becoming one, I honestly have had a shift in how I formerly thought of TAs… I find there are ups and downs to being a TAs but overall my experience has been positive. But just know, we are people too! We have other responsibilities and we get stressed out too! :)

Alright, I know there’s some debate over whether or not blue filter glasses are actually effective at preventing eye strain and yadda yadda. But personally, I do think blue filter glasses work! 

I was interested in buying a pair of blue filter glasses because with grad school, I’ve been on my laptop for hours on ends just reading and doing homework (and fine, Netflixing when I need a break.) I knew that this long-term wasn’t going to be great on my eyes. My eyes would already get strained - they’d feel dry and I’d get headaches. Plus, I recently got LASIK about a year ago so definitely want to take care of my eyes! You can’t really get LASIK twice.

I bought a pair of blue filter glasses from Felix Gray because I have heard good things about the company from trusted sources. And hey, $100 for a pair of glasses ain’t cheap (Aside: I’m learning to buy quality items versus cheaper items that will break quickly; it can be tempting to buy the cheaper option but quality is always something on my mind now! This is a hard lesson I’ve learned in my 20s… sometimes it truly does pay to buy the more expensive item, lol). I decided on “Nash” after trying a few pairs virtually on their website.

I’ve had my glasses for about two weeks and what do I think? I LOVE THEM. I do think they’ve helped reduced my eyestrain and I feel reassured that these pair are truly quality-made (unlike the blue filter glasses on Amazon!). I also think I look smart in these, HAHAHA. (**10/24 Edit: Alright, I noticed that my glasses don’t actually sit straight, aka the glasses need to be adjusted. I’m too scared to do this on my own and would prefer my optometrist’s office do this, but it’s not the end of the world. My younger sister’s Felix Gray glasses had this same issue. Worth noting!)

Would I recommend these glasses to others? Yeah, sure if you have the means! I personally didn’t have $100 easily laying around when I was in undergraduate and I survived without blue filter glasses then, so /shrugs.

Do any of you use blue filter glasses? What are your thoughts?

• Let go. Let go of the past, any resentment you have, any “what ifs” you have. Anything. Live in the present and don’t spend so much time thinking about the past.
  
  I’ve wasted a lot of time overthinking about the past and it was just so … unnecessary. Do I really think my ex gave me a second thought after we ended things? Not really, and definitely not to the extent that I analyzed our relationship for his flaws! Sometimes, overthinking and analyzing the past re-opens your wounds and you get hurt again (and again… and again…)
• Stop comparing. There will always be someone better than you but also someone worse than you. Comparing is a fruitless endeavor! If you must compare, do it for the purpose of bettering yourself. Like “Wow, I love Shay Mitchell’s make-up. She’s so pretty. What products or makeup techniques does she use, so I can try on myself?” or “This girl got a full-ride scholarship. What does she have for experience? Maybe one of her experiences is something that would be relevant for me and can help my professional career.”
  
  Truthfully, I’ve learned that each person in my grad program has something that obviously shined in the eyes of admissions committee and got them in here. It may not be obvious to me as an outsider, but I can’t keep comparing. We’re all at the same school, aren’t we? And funding wise, too. I got a pretty good chunk of $ and I need to stop comparing!
• Stop surrounding yourself in toxicity. If you have a relative who is toxic or is negative or you always feel DRAINED after your interaction with them repeatedly, then that’s a sign they need to be O U T of your lives (or realistically, reduced interactions). Same with friends. Same with coworkers. This is probably the most important part of this whole “bettering yourself” vibe. How can you get better if the people around you constantly drag you down?
  
  For the people who you can’t just cut off contact, I reduce contact. I stop sharing anything that’s particularly important to them. (God knows I have an older sister who uses anything and everything I say to her as ammunition in arguments.) I share boring stuff only. Safe stuff. Small talk. Act cordial but not BFFs. Stonewall them. Minimal contact. They might say you’re cold and standoffish, but who the fuck cares? Mental health matters and you don’t need to share every single thing with every single person in your lives. I’ve learned it’s best to confide in only a couple people.
• Make time for “you time.” If you’re busy at work or school, still try to carve out some time where the goal is just to relax you. Maybe grab a solo lunch with yourself at your favorite place, maybe binge on Netflix for a teeny bit, maybe treat yourself to a spa day. Whatever relaxes you - you deserve it! 
  
  If I’m really stressed out, my body will show it. I will breakout on my face. I get easily irritated. I will have dark bags under my eyes. I have to remind myself that I need to take deep breaths and not to let my body “feel” stressed because I don’t want my body to “show” signs of stress. Because god knows it takes forever (seemingly) for a pimple to clear up! And even longer if I pick at it and it scars… I reason with myself, “Do I want to have a breakout on my face that might last longer than my stress freak-out period?!” I think not!
• Learn what your triggers are and try to remedy it. For example, one of my triggers to anxiety is feeling overwhelmed with my workload. But if I get better at planning my workload and being honest and transparent with myself, it eases my mind. I recently bought a Passion Planner that is coming tomorrow!

Mental health is a very important thing. PLEASE take active steps to make sure you feel okay! What are your tips for ensuring good mental health?

This statement is true for both the working professional and for students. 

As a current graduate student, I’m honestly a bit … annoyed at the number of Slack posts where the answer is easily found through:

• Email inbox - At least 50% of the Slack posts are things like “Hey, sorry - when’s the orientation again?” Or “What readings are required before the first day of class?” Don’t get me wrong, it’s great that people feel comfortable posting on Slack and that it promotes discussion. But I just get annoyed when people can’t be bothered to read their emails for simple information!
• Google- If the information isn’t found through sent emails, there’s a big chance googling will help. Some Slack posts are like “Hey, are campus libraries open?” or “What’s the address for scholarships to be sent to?” 
• Graduate Advisor - If you’ve exhausted your inbox and Google, then the best contact to find information is our Graduate Advisor. I am surprised at how many posts ask for information, and then I’ll go email our advisor (who will respond within 15 minutes usually), and then I’ll comment on the Slack post with what I found. Is it SO hard for the original poster to do that?! (I am a big advocate of sharing information so everyone has access to the same resources, but people gotta learn to be resourceful and have initiative.)

Look - I get it. I would rather have an active Slack channel with stupid, redundant questions than a completely inactive Slack channel. But surely, there must be some in-between area? I’ve found that even though we are all were admitted to UCLA and that indicates we have passion and great work ethic, some of us are just … lazy. Or I mean, selectively lazy. 

… And this same concept applies to people in the workforce, too. 

Maybe people just get lazy in their positions after a couple of years OR feel entitled/superior either due to position or their age. It’s probably both. I also do think ageism is a thing. I work at a small company where most of the employees are mid-40s. As someone in my mid-20s, I absolutely hate it when employees ask me about IT help when we have a dedicated IT team. They assume that because I’m “young”, I am well-versed in IT - and that assumption is often correct. But I also have a busy workload and cannot help with IT requests, especially considering we have hired help for that exact purpose! 

Another thing my manager does is ask me to look up the contact information for a client or review peoples’ calendars to see the best time to schedule a meeting (often times, I’m not even in the meeting!). These are tasks that should not be delegated to me and are things that she is simply too lazy to do. And too lazy to learn to do herself.

Anyway, if you made it this far - congrats! This is the end of my rant, haha.

I honestly get a little miffed when people try to put all colleges on the same level and say that it doesn’t matter where you go to college… 

OF COURSE IT MATTERS.

If an employer is choosing between two candidates who are EXACTLY the same on paper but one attends Yale (for example) and the other attends a “non-target school”, realistically who do you think they would prefer?

To the people who try to say all colleges are the same: You are being oblivious. I get that people come from different backgrounds (hell, I’m first-generation American & my parents never attended college!) but please don’t discredit people’s accomplishments. Getting into college is an accomplishment, getting into a highly competitive college is an even greater accomplishment. Stop taking away from people’s accomplishments and instead focus on how YOU can better your application. 

At the same time, while I personally believe it does matter where you go to college, WHAT you do in college is also important. College is what YOU make of it. If you attend Yale and don’t participate in any organizations and barely pass your classes, um….? Versus a student who went to a small state school who was president of an organization and achieved a 4.0 GPA? I’d hire the latter student, for sure.

Anyway, what if someone went to Yale? Maybe it does make them more marketable. Instead of grouching about it, figure out how you can make YOUR application better than theirs. School name isn’t the ONLY thing employers look for. You cannot change others, only your own mindset. Don’t focus on others, focus on your own growth and what you can do to expand yourself.

What do I think? Self-marketing and branding yourself is HUGE. 

Here are my tips to everyone (regardless of whether you attended a “target” school or not):

• Create a website. Include links to your resume, an “about me” section, a contact section etc. You want this website (or your LinkedIn) to be the first thing that pops up if anyone googles you. YOU take control of what people think of you. You really want one of the first Google search results to be from your high school newspaper days where you quoted that you liked the football game? Or do you want to change the narrative and be in control of what’s out there?
• Quantify your accomplishments!!!!!!!!! I mean, I absolutely hate pretentious, braggy folks but um, this is different - quantify your accomplishments on your resume and website. Context is everything.
• NETWORK, NETWORK, NETWORK. Regardless of what school you attended, there are HUNDREDS AND HUNDREDS OF ALUMNI OUT THERE!!! Having a connection like “Hi I went to CSULB” or “Hi I went to Harvard” is such an EASY opener. People are very prideful of where they went to college and love to help fellow students. Seriously, that “.edu” email is your golden ticket! Use it!
• Join a professional organization. Let’s say you went to a non-target school and you don’t have as many resources as people who went to a target school. Join a professional organization like American Planning Association (example) and instead of saying what college you went to, you say you’re in APA. Now you have a TON of possible fresh connections you can make!
• Do personal projects on the side. Anything that is related to your dream job and that you think can give you an extra boost.

TLDR; EVERYONE (regardless of what school they attended) needs to be on their A-game, get involved on campus, get good grades to maximize their recruitment process. Those who attend “non-target” schools may need to have more initiative and put in more effort (recruiters may not have these schools on their lists, for example), but IT’S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. THE MOST SUCCESSFUL INDIVIDUALS AREN’T BASED OFF SCHOOL NAME BUT IT’S BASED OFF THEIR INITIATIVE AND AMBITION. (College choice can be indicative of this but not always, obviously.) 

My manager would always remark that, “Perception is important.” And I would sort of shrug but now I’m really “getting” it. People will perceive you differently based off what you show or tell them (kinda like social media). 

Truthfully, I don’t think you can be too honest about your work to anyone (outside of your close friends and family), especially to your work colleagues. Take my situation for example. Since working from home since mid-March, I’ve been doing my work diligently and meeting all of my deadlines. 

Am I straight working for 8 hours? No. I’m doing laundry, cooking, hanging out with my dog, etc. 

Are all of my working hours busy and crammed with work? No. There are slow periods during my work day. 

Would I ever flaunt to my manager or colleagues that I enjoy working from home because I can do other things during the work day such as laundry, cooking, etc and that work can be slow at times? Not really. It would give the impression that I’m not hardworking and lack initiative.

Instead, I tell them I enjoy working from home because I no longer have to commute from work and have more time in my day. I tell them I meet my deadlines and I love my home office. I tell them working from home allows me greater flexibility in my life.

It’s not lying, but it’s making things appear “glossier” then they are. Or with a more professional tone.

Perception is very important. Be very mindful of your professional work image and how people perceive you. Don’t say things that may impact how people see you.

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”

– Theodore Roosevelt

This is something I struggle with to this day. I’ve had to learn that comparing yourself with others (friends, coworkers, strangers on the interweb, etc) and trying to dictate a “winner” DOES NO GOOD.

Recently, one of my friends finally got accepted into Physician’s Assistant (PA) school. I was told by a mutual friend of ours, who then remarked, “Did you know PAs make 150k after graduation? And up to $250k later on?” Qualifying her accomplishment with salary just felt weird to me - as if someone who earns less than $150k after graduation is “lower-tier.”

There are WAY TOO MANY variables out there that makes “comparing” difficult. No one is “better” than anyone just because of the career path they’ve chosen. For example: while doctors and lawyers are esteemed in our society, if you’ve never had any inclination to be a doctor or lawyer, you shouldn’t feel jealous of their career path and progress - after all, you were never interested in that path and if you had partaken in that route, you’d be likely unhappy. That’s my take anyway.

The only time you should be “comparing” yourself is when you’re looking at others in the same field you are in and seeing how their career projection was like. You can observe, analyze, and see how to use that information to help your own career growth. This is not a malicious intent but rather trying to foster your own development. You are not in competition with anyone but yourself.

If that’s not enough to sway you… there are multiple studies that research the relationship between income and happiness. This study from 2018 from Purdue University noted:

“Globally, we find that satiation occurs at $95,000 for life evaluation and $60,000 to $75,000 for emotional well-being.”

In other words, if you earn $95,000 or more, you reach the peak level of happiness. Of course there are different situations and each person has their own circumstances, but I think this is important to note.

My loose goal is to earn a 6-figure salary ($100,000 or more) around the time I graduate from my master program, and I honestly think I’d be happy with that. I am not materialistic, don’t go on crazy shopping sprees, and enjoy living below my means within reason. Money does not always equal happiness and if you truly believe that the more money you make, the happier you’ll be, you need to check why you believe that.

Because of COVID-19, a lot of workplaces have switched to home offices. Which, overall, I think is great! At first, transitioning from the office to home was a bit rough for me. But after tweaking some things, I LOVE working from home now. I also want to mention that I’m very grateful to have a job during this time.

Here are my pros & cons for working at home:

Pros:

• No more commute time: I’m saving about an hour a day from no longer having to commute to the office. That means, an extra hour to sleep!
• Increased savings: I’m saving money that would’ve been spent on gas, lunches/snacks, and impulsive “quick” runs from the store after work. From gas alone, I’m saving about $100 a month!
• Customized work office: I’d argue that most offices are pretty standardized. At home, I have things that are more personalized to me, because well, I bought them. I have a huge desk, a succulent plant from my garden that I can easily maintain, a very comfortable ergonomic office chair, and a cubby of snacks nearby. This overall improves my productivity and desire to work!
• Easy access to food: When I work from home, I typically grab food from my kitchen to eat and often do a working lunch. This means more time I can focus on doing work and clocking in my 8 hours sooner.
• Easy access to my dog: When work gets slow or hectic and I need a break, I can just walk outside to my backyard and play with my dog! This wouldn’t be an option if things hadn’t transitioned to home-offices. Usually when things get slow in the office, I just sit there and try to get through my 8 hours so I can leave and it definitely impacts my morale.

Cons: 

• Lack of privacy: Depending on who you live with at home, you may not have the best privacy at home. For example, my mom often talks on her phone with the speakerphone on (she won’t do headphones either) and would constantly disrupt me when I’m working. After a few conversations, this has subsided but it was definitely incredibly annoying for family members not to respect office time. They think that because I’m at home and visible, they can ask me to solve their problems and make phone calls for them at the drop of a hat with no consideration to my work schedule. It drives me crazy! 
• Lack of routine (at first): Initially, I struggled with the transition to work at home because I’m not used to change. I missed waking up early, grabbing coffee, taking time to think on my commute to work, etc. But I soon got used to my “new routine” and it’s been working ever since! 

Overall, I’m quite liking working from home. My company is flexible and in general, doesn’t micro-manage and I think this provides way to a comfortable, ideal working environment.

I will be going part-time (and entirely remote) in September so I’m hoping that this work-from-home situation lasts until then and I never have to return to the office… hehe.

What are your thoughts on working from home? Is it working well for you? Let me know!