#why am i even posting this
August 7, 2020
A few weeks ago when my boyfriend and I were at Buffalo Wild Wings I was texting my friend. My friend who is an ex but I don’t see him that way. We are just friends. Strictly friendly. The only things we talk about are TV shows, BLM movement, art, video games and how our lives are holding up during this pandemic. Anyway my boyfriend saw me text him and he got upset about it, he didn’t bring it up until we got back to the car but he was really hurt about it. He said “not again with this shit” but I would do the same to him as his ex did, same as in she cheated on him multiple times with her ex.. Was he serious?! It really hurt my feelings that he would even think that of me. He’s literally the only guy I think of, the only guy I want to be around, spend my days with. Sure saw if I see someone attractive while I’m out I’ll think “oh that person has great genes” but I’ll never act upon it. It’s crazy to think that you’ll never find someone else attractive just because you’re in a relationship. But that’s besides the point. He was completely butthurt about the situation then told me to do what I want. If me texting to him makes you uncomfortable I’ll stop texting to him. Which I did. Sure we talk here and there on Instagram but nothing like how it was before. But today when we were ordering food and he handed me his phone to get what I wanted but I couldn’t decide so I was literally scrolling on the menu for 5 minutes. But then I became curious. He told me he doesn’t even speak to her anymore and he recently got a new number so I wanted to see if he had lied me or not. I looked through his text messages (only at the names) and I didn’t see hers but this urge came over me to check his Instagram. I only wanted to check because he’s continuously getting Instagram notifications and I’ve always wondered if they were from her. I checked and he does still talk to her. Her messages were unread so I didn’t want to open them because why would I want to leave evidence that I’ve been snooping. I really hope that they are keeping their conversations friendly also. My only thing is why did he make such a big deal out of me talking to my friend/ex and he still talks to her? And why did he tell me he didn’t talk to her if he does? Well he said that they talk here and there but not for very long. AND HE HAD HER NOTIFICATIONS MUTED! I want to trust him I really do but I’ve dealt with so many lies and bullshit and it’s made me kinda insecure. But I’ll push my insecurity aside and just take his word for it. I don’t want to think to hard about it or I’ll drive myself crazy. I just want to be happy. I’ll ask him about it but not directly. Or next time I see his phone unlocked I’ll check my damn self lol. Well that’s all I have to say today. Peace.
