#falling in love
Valid take: Crowley fell in love with Aziraphale since he said he gave away the flaming sword, and has been holding out for that love ever since.
Also valid take, but less talked about: Crowley slowly fell in love with Aziraphale over the millennia, the same way Aziraphale did. Maybe with sliiiiightly more awareness of what was happening, because he doesn’t have as much repression and denial to wade through. But it still caught up with him unawares.
Hottest of hot takes that my brain won’t stop screaming about: the full force of Crowley’s feelings didn’t barrel into him like a flaming Bentley until Aziraphale gives him the holy water. That’s when it’s pedal-to-the-metal, no-stopping-this-beating-heart, holy shit I love him and he loves me, that’s what this has been this whole time.
Which means….AZIRAPHALE HAD HIS OH SHIT MOMENT….BEFORE CROWLEY
!!!!!!!!!!!
ANOTHER TAKE I SAW RECENTLY AND COULDNT GET OUT OF MY HEAD was that Crowley fell in love with Aziraphale at the wall of Eden, but he didn’t realize it until the BOOKSHOP FIRE
Which… makes sense because of the music changing from You’re My Best Friend toSOMEBODY TO LOVE.
So yeah, he was totally pining the entire time, and it was probably agony, but he didn’t know what he wanted that he didn’t already have.… until he thought it had been taken away for good.
That would imply Crowley had yet to realise it when they were with Warlock. In this scenario he thinks Aziraphale is his Best Friend, right?
Cue Nanny being quite worried when Warlock begins school, because surely 6 years old Warlock is way too young to have that kind of intense relationship
See, I don’t think Crowley has a hard distinction between friendship and romance. Like. How much basis for comparison could he possibly have? To him it’s just one long increasingly intense stream of emotional attachment, which begins when the angel proves just how different he is.
But it’s hard to pinpoint exactly when anything shifts, partly because there are so many gaps in their onscreen history. Like, for my money, he’s showing full-on affection and is at least somewhat smitten by the time they’re at the Globe, but there’s such a gap before then, it could have happened any time in the last several centuries. But there are definitely romantic overtones by then. He’s just so damn weak to those puppy-dog eyes.
As to when he realizes it, that’s a whole other question. But personally… again, I don’t think there was actually a big ‘aha!’ moment for Crowley. I’m inclined to think that epiphanies are more Aziraphale’s thing, and that Crowley’s been low-key aware of how he feels for a long time. Like after he saves the books, he ducks his head and avoids eye contact before walking away. I think he’s well aware of the gesture he’s making there.
There is a huge impact to the holy water scene, though. Because I think - just my theory - that’s when Crowley realizes Aziraphale loves him back just as intensely. Az has always been so reserved about their relationship, keeping a distance, using euphemistic language, and rarely making the big leaps forward; it’s almost always Crowley making a move. And yet here he is choosing to give Crowley this immense gift, out of sheer concern for his well-being, in the most personal way possible (a fucking tartan thermos), before dropping that absolutely LOADED line. Yeah. I think that’s when it hits Crowley that his feelings might actually be reciprocated.
A clear distinction between friendship and romance might not be sensible to a being of an inherently sexless species. Even if they can feel a human-like sexual attraction because of their human-ish bodies (which I’m not sold on at all), it’s probably not an instinct that comes to them naturally. They are clearly naturally affectionate, aka do form friendship bonds (at Eden they’re both still fairly uninfluenced by humanity, haven’t been incorporated long and both clearly show signs of liking each other one way or another), but does the distinction humans make make sense? What is a romantic relationship if you take away sexual desires and expressions of affection? People make it sound like friendship isn’t love. But it is. You love your friends, and you especially love your best friend. People who say a best friendship isn’t as close and intense as a romantic relationship might not actually have had a real best friend before.
But I want to make a point aside of frustration with our society’s looking down on friendships, and that point is that both “friendship” and “romance” are human labels, and what is considered appropriate under either of those labels has been changing alot in just the last couple of centuries of human history. Crowley and Aziraphale have been around for all this time.
Romantic relationships were not always the most intellectually and emotionally intimate relationship for people to have. For a long time, marriages were formed not by affection, but primarily by political and financial concerns. To make sure there were heirs, to combine two farms or kingdoms, that sort of thing. You could hope to get along well with your spouse, and some spouses certainly grew to love one another, but marriage was often a bond made for practical considerations, rather than emotional ones. If you were a king or duke or whatnot, you might have an affair with someone you loved. The normal peasant couldn’t afford that sort of thing in the long run. Lots of trouble. Friendships and familial relationships like those between siblings were what you got your closeness and support from, either instead of or in addition to your marriage.
For a long while, people romantised friendships the way today’s culture romantises romance. Have you ever read epic Irish folk tales, stories of blood brothers and what we today would probably describe as platonic soulmates? Or for example the late 19th century novels of German author Karl May, full of characters in life-long best friendships that today’s readers will interpret more as queerplatonic partnerships or as homoerotic subtext, depending on how they squint at the text? Or the full blown love letters adressed to friends they found from the 17th to 19th century? At this time, in Western culture the concept of a “romantic friendship” came up, a relationship type that some researchers think has existed before, but then became more visible, because romantic relationships (the modern interpretation of them) came more into focus and especially physical affection between friends started to be considered weird (a trend that ended in what we have today).
Today, if you want to cuddle a best friend or hold their hand or share a house and a life with them, you’ll have to negotiate the relationship terms, because right now these things are monopolised by romantic relationships. That was not always the case, and it’s probably worth noting that it isn’t actually very healthy for humans to live that way. We’re capable of lots of different loving bonds and to limit emotional intimacy to one type of them might be one reason we have things like today’s loneliness epidemic going on.
But the point was historical relationship types.
Some of these historic close friendships were certainly homosexual partnerships hidden in more or less plain sight, but that doesn’t change that for centuries, it was quite normal to be a lot more affectionate and emotionally open about your close friendships. Crowley and Aziraphale casually reference events from hundreds of years ago. Time means little to angels and demons. The by comparison rapid changing of human relationship labels must be all sorts of confusing.
Is it surprising that Crowley doesn’t have a clear distinction? Or, that he chooses to call his attachment to Aziraphale “best friend”? It’s the much more long standing term for what they have. Angels/demons seem to naturally form friendships, so it’s probably a concept he was familiar with already (there were probably friendships between angels in Heaven before the Fall). And as a being to whom human-ish attraction of a more sexual nature might well not come naturally, he’s stuck observing humans and their relationships to make sense of the terms they use. Now, especially considering the history, observe a close knit friendship and a romantic relationship. What’s the difference? It’s not the emotional closeness. It’s more like the physical expression (kissing, sex).
Crowley and Aziraphale don’t kiss and have sex. At least not on screen. Whether or not they will do so after Armageddon isn’t relevant to the time during the series. Crowley looks at his relationship with Aziraphale, and goes “yes, he’s the most important being in my life, I’d do anything for him, he knows me best out of everyone in existence, even if the whole world ends in a puddle of burning goo, he’s what I’ll try to save, without him my life is meaningless, but we don’t kiss and don’t fuck” and concludes “best friends!” It makes sense, doesn’t it?
Excuse me for rambling. The above points aside, I do agree that Crowley grows to love Aziraphale slowly and over time, but is definitely at a near present day level of affection for him at the globe. He’s looking at him so fondly, and yes, so weak for the puppy eyes. (Which isn’t necessarily a romantic thing either; I’m super weak for puppy eyes from my sister and my best friend, and reasonably weak for it from other friends, so weakness to manipulation by puppy eyes is probably individually different and Crowley might just have a bad case of it.)
But I’ll buy Crowley being in love one way or another at the globe, and the thermos being his moment of “wow, he likes me back”.
they say “it was worth the wait”and I mean, yes, absolutely, it is 100% worth the wait, but the fact is, the wait is HARD, and when you’re waiting, you’re not only waiting, you’re worrying hoping that the wait isn’t in vain, and that’s the hard part. its not the time thats hard. its the worry and fear that you’re waiting for something that’ll never happen. if you told someone that 100% they’d find their person by 25, it would be a lot easier. its not the wait thats hard, its the uncertainty, the worry that you’re not good enough, and if you’re not worried about that you’re worried that the kind of person you’re looking for doesn’t exist. that’s what’s hard, and being told, “yeah i waited a long time but it was worth it” doesn’t take away the fear and uncertainty. “well I waited a long time, you’re only…[insert age]” doesn’t help. if it was assured, the wait would be easy. you’d simply fill your life with other stuff and stop worrying about it, always knowing that it’ll be okay. and that’s the best advice i can give to someone who is waiting: live your life as if you’re promised it’ll happen. its better than worrying, and it means you’ll enjoy your singleness, and you’ll be a more interesting person for it. also, a friend told me: the person you marry has such a big impact on the rest of your life, its too big a thing for God not to be involved. so He will be. you don’t have to be afraid that he won’t be, or that he won’t hear you. and never settle! thats another thing that people say a lot, and let me tell you, it’s true. however: its also overused and cliche and hard to listen to or take seriously. so heres some explanation:
- if you settle, you’ll always have the nagging feeling of, “what if i’d waited just that little bit longer…"
- this is literally gluing your life to another person for the rest of your life. you want to be 100% sure. this is the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with. you GET to be picky
- dating sucks if it’s the wrong person. you’re constantly worried, disappointed, anxious.
- the person has to feel right, otherwise you’ll always be dissatisfied and be questioning
- things can go badly badly wrong if you settle for someone who you deep down know you shouldn’t.
- “everyone deserves a ‘I didn’t know it could be this good’ kind of love”. settling is NOT that. if you know what you want, then wait for it, otherwise you’ll never be satisfied (especially if you’ve seen it or experienced it before).
0 - The Leap this is when you take the plunge and let yourself begin to fall.
1 - Falling This is the honeymoon phase everyone talks about. Includes giddiness, constant excitement, dreaminess, drawing hearts everywhere, smiling all the time. There’s also a fair amount of anxiety as you aren’t sure yet if it’s right. This is especially true if you’ve been hurt before.
2 - Sinking This is when the crazy giddiness starts to wear off. You’re still falling, but more slowly, there’s more substance, and a warmth and peace starts to grow around your relationship.
3 - Digging You find yourself on solid ground. All the low hanging fruit of getting to know each other is gone, to get deeper you have to really dig into who they are, ask deep questions, have big conversations. It takes effort, but it’s worth it. Deep friendship starts to form. It’s more work, but the reward is also greater.
4 - Building You have become each others’ best friends. You know each other SO WELL. You start working as a team, creating, planning, making memories, establishing relational and life habits and having experiences. What you build now will become the foundation for a life together into the future.
what comes after these stages? I don’t know yet. I guess we’ll find out :)
Let’s go out and catch some fireflies
Let’s cuddle in bed as the rain pitter patters on the roof
I love seeing your messy bed-head
Lets make flower crowns together!
I can’t wait to wake up with you beside me
I love when you play with my hair
I love complementing you and seeing your face get red
Can I,,,
have some forehead kisses??
Let’s go to the aquarium and look at all the cute fish together
You’re always there when I need a shoulder to cry on
I love being around you, with your goofy laugh and bright smile
It’s only been a few months but we dream of getting married by the sea in a couple of years
I love when I’m the center of all your attention
Lets watch movies all night and fall asleep on the couch
