Past midnight and there are still no stars. There is only a bleakness that invades my soul from the

Past midnight and there are still no stars.

There is only a bleakness that invades

my soul from the outside, like it belongs

in the hallow of my chest… Like it knows

how easily I would succumb. It sees

my restlessness and makes a home within it.

Feeding off the anxious jitters until

the words that hurt the most are the

only ones on repeat in my mind, the ones

you don’t hear but see across my face;

lip biting in the ugliest ways. You are

the light, reaching forward to pull me out

and away; the star to guide my way

back to who I really am. The one who

wants so desperately to stay but is too

tired to keep fighting.

It’s crazy how fucking tired I am lately even though I’ve just been at home, even though I’ve been sleeping, and just… Existing… Home is busy. Home is never ending noise… Home is so much work. Emotionally, mentally, and physically… I am burnt the fuck out but I’m finally getting back into this space where I can release… Where I can share and be raw; where I can be myself even though that too is quite exhausting… I would really like to see some stars though. To lay on a beach at midnight in my husband’s arms and breathe fresh air… .⁣

⁣

ReBecca DeFazio⁣

More Than A Flower