Keep thinking about this. It means that the people who receive SSDI can literally NEVER be a part of the group legislating the program. I feel genuinely sick to my stomach…because like…that’s the formal structure. We’ve all accepted this??????????
If a healthy person suddenly felt my pain, nausea, and exhaustion they would call out sick and maybe even go to the hospital. But just like everyone else with chronic illness, the longer it goes on the more life is intolerant of your perpetual health issues and all you can do is deal. If you became disabled tomorrow you either have to deal or die.
How one copes varies, but one thing is for sure, unless it happens to you, (and for real I don’t wish this on anyone) you cannot possible understand what it’s like. Please respect that and stop acting like you’re our doctor when you find out our conditions. We’ve heard it all and done it all.
And please stop telling us to push through. You wouldn’t push through flu, or a dislocated shoulder, or fatigue so heavy you feel like you can’t breathe. Stop telling us we’ll feel better if we just did X or Y. Some of us have been dealing with this for a lifetime. Trust us, we know.
Exactly. Dealing is not acting like the disability isn’t there. It’s resting when you need to, making the choices you need, and planning your future with the disability in mind. If we just keep “pushing through” we will burn out faster than a dry stick.
“I had an auto-repair man once, who, on these intelligence tests, could not possibly have scored more than 80, by my estimate. I always took it for granted that I was far more intelligent than he was. Yet, when anything went wrong with my car I hastened to him with it, watched him anxiously as he explored its vitals, and listened to his pronouncements as though they were divine oracles - and he always fixed my car.Well, then, suppose my auto-repair man devised questions for an intelligence test. Or suppose a carpenter did, or a farmer, or, indeed, almost anyone but an academician. By every one of those tests, I’d prove myself a moron, and I’d be a moron, too. In a world where I could not use my academic training and my verbal talents but had to do something intricate or hard, working with my hands, I would do poorly. My intelligence, then, is not absolute but is a function of the society I live in and of the fact that a small subsection of that society has managed to foist itself on the rest as an arbiter of such matters.Consider my auto-repair man, again. He had a habit of telling me jokes whenever he saw me. One time he raised his head from under the automobile hood to say: “Doc, a deaf-and-mute guy went into a hardware store to ask for some nails. He put two fingers together on the counter and made hammering motions with the other hand. The clerk brought him a hammer. He shook his head and pointed to the two fingers he was hammering. The clerk brought him nails. He picked out the sizes he wanted, and left. Well, doc, the next guy who came in was a blind man. He wanted scissors. How do you suppose he asked for them?”Indulgently, I lifted my right hand and made scissoring motions with my first two fingers. Whereupon my auto-repair man laughed raucously and said, “Why, you dumb jerk, He used his voice and asked for them.” Then he said smugly, “I’ve been trying that on all my customers today.”“Did you catch many?” I asked.“Quite a few,” he said, “but I knew for sure I’d catch you.”“Why is that?” I asked.“Because you’re so goddamned educated, doc, I knew you couldn’t be very smart.””
Though the jokes that “since gay pride month is over, july is now gay wrath month” are funny and all, it’s important to remember that July is ACTUALLY Disability Pride Month and ya’ll should really be focused on boosting disabled voices and issues this month! For instance, the fact that marriage equality doesn’t actually truly exist in the United States for disabled people, or the fact that disabled people are forced to live in poverty or lose their disability benefits, or the fact that 1 in 5 people with chronic pain end up sufferring from alcoholism or other addictions, or how accessibility is still a daily battle for all of us, or how there are active hate groups on places like reddit who try to “call out” those they see as “faking” their disabilities.
This July, boost disabled voices. Talk about the issues that our community faces. Call out ableism.
to kids claiming they cant afford a therapist: talk to your counselor
to adults claiming they cant afford a therapist: get a job
about this post… my favorite type of motivation is the “slap you into reality” type. i understand that i cannot expect every person to conform to my mindset. i just want to say: if you completely convince yourself that you cannot do something, then you will not be able to. it would be interesting if the world started catering to everyone’s limitations, but that’s not how it works. the mind may be complicated, but it’s flexible. you can motivate yourself in many different ways. i just believe that if you have the skill to read this, there is some sort of job out there for you. it’s your job to look.
Just for once I’d like to tell the gate agents and flight attendants that my folding wheelchair is going into the onboard closet and not have them tell me there’s “no room”. Bitch that’s a wheelchair closet, not a “your bags” closet. Move your damn bags where they belong.
Ok, so according to my friendly aviation expert, this is a Big Fucking Deal. In fact, if an airline argues with you about putting your wheelchair in the wheelchair closet or even suggests there may not be room, unless there is already anotherpassenger’swheelchair in that closet, they have violatedfederallaw.
CFR Title 14, Chapter II, Subchapter D, Part 382, Subpart E, Section 382.67, Subsection (e)
“As a carrier, you must never request or suggest that a passenger not stow his or her wheelchair in the cabin to accommodate other passengers (e.g., informing a passenger that stowing his or her wheelchair in the cabin will require other passengers to be removed from the flight), or for any other non-safety related reason (e.g., that it is easier for the carrier if the wheelchair is stowed in the cargo compartment).”
This is hugely important because it means that if this happens to you, you should report their asses to the DOT. Why? Because these statistics are published every year for every airline, and the airline gets a huge ass fine for every violation. If we want to see change, we need to make airlines literally pay every time they treat us this way.
@annieelainey you should share this with your followers! This is important info!!
To my mutuals on wheels, print out the law before you fly and whip it out at the gate if they don’t accomodate your wheels.
Thanks a lot for posting this, bro! Flying while crippled is already difficult enough without people pulling this kind of shit. Also, make sure that if there is a piece of your wheelchair or something important missing off of it, that you make a big fucking deal out of it! I’ve had pieces fall off of my wheelchair and nearly lost a decoration I had on it that meant a lot to me because people were careless with my chair. Don’t let them mistreat your wheelchair.
Non-wheelchair folks:
Now that you know, speak up.
You never know when you’re going to see someone who needs an ally.
Im still SO fuckign mad some child psychologists or whatever think parallel play is a negative thing oh my god i hate the NTs sometiems
Literally me and my bf call it cat time where we chill together and do our own things (bc cats interpret spending time together as just lounging in the same space together) and it’s so comfy and happy wtf is wrong w nts
Ahhhh thats so lovely yes u get it
. Doctors think thats a BAD thing??????
Parallel play is supposed to be an early stage of childhood development that transitions into social play, but continuing to do it into adulthood is not considered “normal”
Like the way they talk abt it is GROSS
Parallel play is incredible and social and good actually
The fact this post has so many notes so quick… We all fuckign love parallel play in here <3
Soooo much of adult life enjoyment is parallel play.
Hitting the club? Parallel play. You might be dancing with someone, or just dancing in a crowd, But you’re still surrounded by people you’re not playing -with-.
Sporting Events. Unless you’re on the field it’s parallel play.
Coffee shops. People go to read and right in a place with others present. Parallel play.
Tons more examples out there of neurotypicals enjoying parallel play without calling it that.
I’m not entirely sure why we are comparing child development to adult behaviours here.
There is nothing wrong with parallel play, but child psychologists do use it as a developmental marker when assessing children who may have a developmental issue going on.
Children do continue to do parallel play, but when they reach a certain age, they will also do social play. Most children will participate in a variety of play, including parallel play. But if children don’t progress to including social play in their lives, it could be indicative of something going on.
And it is really important that children are seen early by a psychologist if they notice their child not meeting certain developmental goals, so parents and teachers know what they can do to support their children.
Plus, it’s not really considered parallel play in adults because it is a specific name for a stage in child development, specifically in how they approach play.
I am going to start killing people on this post i swear to god
Not moving on to social play is indicative that the kid in question doesn’t enjoy social play.
Maybe they’re autistic. Maybe they’ve got anxiety. Maybe the kids that you’re trying to get them to be social with just don’t like them or are bullies or something similar.
Maybe trying to enforce a specific model of psychosocial development to all children that you then try to “Correct” for is just forced conformity to a sociological standard that is changing with the times?
Shocking thought, that…
Actually can we stop calling collaborative play “social play”? All play is social. Parallel play is social. NTs do NOT get to claim they have a monopoly on social play.
And sticking only with parallel play is a sign of developmental difference, not delay. Let’s be honest, “delay” and developmental goals are bullshit. Children are individuals and develop individually.
Anyway yeah it is incredibly cool and social and intimate to be able to just hang out with someone and do stuff in parallel.
its just so fucking unfair that disabled people need extra support but in order to actually get that extra support we have to have both the energy and ability to express ourselves to deal with the bureaucracy of getting that support and i just. i am so tired.
Idk who needs to hear this but as much as “nurses and people that work in the medical field in general deserve to be treated better” is a thing that is true and also should be talked about more, the time to do that is not and has literally never been When Disabled People Are Talking About The Medical Abuse They Face From Them
Anyway this is Still not a fucking “these two things can Coexist” post
The pandemic has been hard on everyone you are valid uwu
except doctors
fuck doctors
unless they give me infinite supplies of every controlled substance and diagnose me with the exact condition that makes me feel validated they are evil
if they ever make a mistake they are evil
if they ever have feelings toward me other than perfect empathy and charity they are evil
yeah I was rude to the doctor but I’m going through a really hard time ok
pandemic and all
uwu
Wow yeah you suck lmao
I don’t want to be dismissed when I bring up a possible diagnosis by name? I want to be prescribed enough painkillers not to run out before my next appointment and avoid being in agony? What an asshole huh!!
What do you mean doctors are human being who have feelings and also sometimes fire off rude throwaway venting posts on the internet just like me
clearly the problem is that this particular doctor is evil
The problem is the underlying beliefs these vent posts show
The mistakes of someone not in healthcare: Ah shit, I didn’t get the thing I ordered. / Ah shit, they couldn’t fix my laptop. / Ah shit, this word doc has a mistake in it and it’s already been sent out to everyone.
The mistakes of a doctor: Ah shit. I killed someone cause I focused on their weight more than the symptoms they were describing. / Ah shit. I missed this very obvious diagnosis because I didn’t want to listen to my patient because as their doctor I know better than they do. / Ah shit. I forced my patient through needless hoops to get their diagnosis or pain meds all the while they were in agonizing pain and/or dying.
Perhaps, just maybe, there is a reason why people are more critical of your profession? Perhaps, again just maybe, there is a reason why especially chronically ill or disabled people complain about doctors as a general whole?
No one’s saying y’all ain’t human. But they are saying fucking *listen* to them when they tell you where something hurts, how bad it hurts, and if it’s not related to something else.
Just in case anyone missed it in the notes, OP is trying to blame this on trouble empathising with “difficult patients”.
You know, a common euphemism used to dismiss disabled patients as hypochondriacs
Rouke is absolutely right calling out the underlying beliefs that led to this vent post.
Reminder that the initial post they were upset about was about doctors dismissing diagnoses as a possibility if patients are the ones to bring them up. This is a deliberate choice on the part of these doctors, and not an “error” or something that could ever be blamed on a “difficult patient” (which clearly means a patient that is not sufficiently obsequious and careful with their words)
Also I don’t give half a goddamned shit if a doctor “”“Empathizes”“” with me I expect them to do their goddamned job and fucking treat me.
Not diagnose me with Fat when my periods were so painful I was nearly bedridden from the pain.
Not blame the same issue on anxiety when losing weight didn’t help.
Not pull my sleep meds cold turkey and without warning because they’re a “crutch”.
Not being brushed off cause I’m “too young” to have XYZ medical issues.
I don’t NEED anybody’s goddamned empathy I need to get fucking medical treatment.
Are people aware that symptoms to disabilities and mental illnesses and stuff dont start when you get diagnosed? That symptoms exist before seeing a doctor? That expecting people to be 100% abled unless they have that diagnosis is incredibly fucked up? If someone is saying there’s something up with them, dont just shrug off until they have a doctors diagnosis, that shits ableist.
“I diagnos you with arthritis” the doctor says. My joints start to ache suddenly.
If this is what happens to you, maybe look a little closer to check your “doctor” isn’t actually an evil wizard (this happens more often than you think)
I originally started working on a blog post about the presence of anti-choice sentiments in support of clinic terrorism and had the misfortune of opening up a LifeSiteNews.com article about the bombing. What I discovered in the comments section of the article is deeply troubling.
Of course, I was expecting to see plenty of comments along the lines of “What he did was wrong but, THEY KILL BABIES.” I did NOT expect to see individuals encouraging others to engage in violent acts.
Tip has been submitted to the FBI. This appears to be early attempts at recruitment and organizing. If you ever see this sort of talk going on in public, take a screen shot and submit report to FBI. Save screen shots if needed later.(Or submit to our blog)
This is terrifying but not surprising in the least. People like this really believe they’re engaged in some sort of holy war. I see people like this on twitter all the time. They’re not “brave” or “noble Christians doing god’s work”, they’re terrorists plain and simple. But when it comes time to be punished for their actions they’re more than happy to go the ableist route and claim it’s an “isolated incident” committed by a “nutjob.”
Please don’t ask me what I do unless you want to talk about it And I mean really talk about it This is not a question that elicits a short response from me It will not lead to reciprocal small talk
“So what do you do?” comes the polite question “I work with autistic children” I say Sometimes it’s “autistic children” Sometimes it’s “children with autism” The difference is meaningful to me and to others but is usually an irrelevant distinction to the person I’m saying it to I’ve been in this field for a while now, and I’ve said it more times than I remember When you say the same thing to a lot of different people, a funny thing happens You find their responses are predictable
There is one response in particular that rattles me Not because it’s particularly rude, in fact it’s supposed to be a compliment But when I hear it, my first thought is how desperately I want to punch the speaker’s mouth though maybe the lecture I launch into instead is worse
“Oh, I work with autistic children” I say “Wow,” people reply “That must be so hard! I could never do that You’re a really amazing person I bet you already have your golden ticket straight to heaven”
I hate this idea that it “takes a special person to work with special people” It’s a self fulfilling prophesy And it’s a deadly one Because the unspoken idea here is that people with disabilities don’t deserve interaction, patience or decency from “normal people” When you say “I could never do that,” I don’t hear the intended compliment All I hear is typical people are dangerous to those who fall outside the norm And this is so perfectly ordinary that it can be delivered disguised as a compliment
Related to this is the assumption it makes about care providers, educators, and others who work with disabled folks That we are kind, loving, patient, unselfish and saintly When I say “I work with autistic kids” you know my job But you don’t know anything about what I do When I say “I work with autistic kids” I can mean a lot of things Maybe I’m the bestest teacher person ever, Annie Sullivan reincarnated Maybe all it means is that I play on my smart phone while ignoring the kid I’m providing glorified babysitting for Or perhaps it means that I hurt children mercilessly in the name of therapy Or even that I hurt them just because I can Maybe it means all of these things depending on the context Maybe it means something else entirely But one shouldn’t assume anyone is anything good just because they work with a vulnerable and misunderstood demographic particularly if their role is one of power
I often wish I kept a list of all the funny and cute things kids say and do while I am at work There are so many, it’s impossible to remember them all There is another list, one I keep in my mind, one I wish didn’t exist Things my clients’ parents and colleagues say
A teacher was getting frustrated with my interfering We had a student who has been having aggressive outbursts at the end of the school day His behavior plan was to ignore his requests to talk about what was bothering him and redirect him to work When this failed, which it always did, we were to take a spray bottle full of vinegar and administer a dose into his mouth In radical behaviorism, this is called an “aversive” or a consequence But it did not work for him, and would have been dehumanizing and unnecessary even if it did Positive punishment, negative punishment, neither were right So on my own time I researched alternatives I knew the school hadn’t tried I showed this teacher a different program I found She wouldn’t even look at it “He just needs a different consequence”
A mother picked me up late We were supposed to go skiing with her twins They hated skiing, the day always ended with at least one meltdown But she insisted it was an opportunity to learn a normal recreational life activity, so we went every winter weekend for two years When she finally arrived, I saw she had been crying I looked in the back seat and saw the boys had been crying too Uncomfortable, awkward, unsafe feeling I cautiously asked what’s wrong as she sped off “They’re going to be like this forever,” she started, not caring the twins could hear her “They’re going to be like this forever and there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m going to put them in a group home and fucking kill myself”
A different teacher thinks I’m stupid and naive One of our students had finally stopped running away from us in terror I commented that it was nice he was finally trusting us She seemed almost amused that I could project such a human emotion onto him She picked up a toy and put it in a basket “You know they just think of us as moving furniture”
Another mother interrupted my therapy session to tell me for the hundredth time how her husband left her Her son hovered nearby, waiting as patiently as he could Flapping his hands, spinning in circles, listening to every word “I know he left because of *him*”
A former colleague and I went out to dinner She told me about her new job, still working with autistic kids Compliance is very important to her, and she told me a story highlighting this Her student wouldn’t put a toy on a shelf So she tried to force her to do it for several hours The student was very stubborn, but so was she “I didn’t care if her mom was out in the car crying,” she said “I was going to make that little bitch do it”
A mother called me early on a chilly, but sunny February morning The bright light from outside bounced cheerily off the floor of my dark bedroom I was supposed to work with her son, Jordan, in a few hours His stepfather regarded him as “retard” and “Jerry’s kid” They made him sleep in a bathtub and devised other cruel punishments for when he was disobedient, wet the bed, or simply existed Myself and neighbors reported them to child protective services several times But he was never removed from the home I said good morning and asked her what’s up Pause “Jordan died”
When I tell people about Jordan, their responses are also predictable The one I hate to hear is that “he is in a better place now” People tell me this to be nice To help me get over it, to realize it’s actually better this way I don’t believe in god or an afterlife And even if I did, this sentiment only provokes anger in me Jordan didn’t belong in an abusive home But at fifteen, he also didn’t belong dead
In high school, I had an acquaintance who hung herself in the shed behind her apartment She was beautiful, intelligent, and carried a presence that lit up a room when she entered But she was depressed and alcoholic Her family and boyfriend treated her like trash When I tell people this, they don’t say “she’s in a better place now” They say, “That’s so terrible and sad” Even though she was completely miserable from a lifetime of abusive relationships Even though she wanted so badly to be dead, she ended her own life
You know who wasn’t miserable? Jordan He loved fast food He loved cartoons He loved helping others He loved his baby brother He even loved his piece of shit abusive parents Why is death his best option?
I wonder constantly why disability is so often skipped over in social justice conversations I can tell a lot about a person’s politics from how they answer this simple question, “what do you think of disabled kids?” The answer I hear a disappointing amount of times is “oh, I’ve never really thought about it” You probably know the statistic about one in five American women being raped or sexually abused in their lifetime But did you know that for women with developmental disabilities, it’s upwards of ninety percent? You probably know something about police brutality When you get home, Google “black and autistic” and see what comes up Our culture obsesses over mental illness and violence When we talk about gun control, very often it’s framed as simply “keeping guns away from those crazy people” Though if you look at the data Being classified as mentally ill puts you at extraordinary risk for violence from so called “normal” people, not so much the other way around With Americans with disabilities three to ten times more likely to experience violent crime than their peers And some statistics indicating up to seventy percent of disabled children are abused by their supposed caregivers
Jordan died under mysterious circumstances There was speculation that he died due to his parents neglect, perhaps even murder In the end they were cleared of wrongdoing, but I will always wonder After his funeral, I started following news stories about disabled children murdered by their parents Quickly noticing a disturbing pattern evident in the journalism and commentary When a nondisabled child is murdered by their parents, there’s little empathy for the killers The comment section will light up with passionate and creative fantasies about punishment, how the child was an innocent, perfect angel who didn’t deserve this most terrible of fates Compare this to when a disabled child is murdered Observe how quickly the conversation stops being centered around the victim and the parents wickedness And instead focuses on “lack of services” and demands that “you need to walk in that parents shoes before you judge”
I know you don’t really want to know about my job You’re only asking because it’s the socially appropriate thing to do So that I ask you what your job is And then we talk about something else Like sports or art or important social justice issues I wish that small talk weren’t so small Because sometimes questions that are designed to get quick and simple answers provoke the enormous, daunting, and complicated I know I’m dominating the conversation I know I’m taking up too much space I know you also likely have valid and important things to tell me But many of the kids I talk about never get asked what they do Because when they grow up, they are systematically denied jobs, an education, invitations to social events, and a space behind a microphone Because Jordan is dead and can never tell you So I’m not sorry But I just can’t answer that question politely
disabled people deserve to survive the pandemic also
Disabled people not only deserve to survive, they deserve fucking compensation for all the times they heard how there’s no need to worry because only people like them will die
The Pandemic definitely moved some of my “friends” into a different category for me. And yes, the “pfft, it doesn’t matter - it’s only those with underlying conditions who’ll die” and the “it’s, like, the Earth cleansing itself…” people are all in the same category of “would definitely throw disabled people under the bus/ stand on their corpses for a better chance at a handout from the establishment”.
And ableds wonder aloud why so many of us are “angry all the time”.
college is catered towards the able bodied and able minded. school applauds people who can stay up all night, skip meals, and work endlessly. that kind of extreme contribution is expected. why are disabled people being squeezed out of academic institutions? why should I feel inferior because of some arbitrary and ridiculous standard?
The undying truth.
Not to mention, every college campus Ive ever been on is MADE of stairs and hills.
I tried to talk to one of my college professors about my ADHD once and he literally stopped me and said if I couldn’t handle it I shouldn’t be there
Read the book Academic Ableism on this subject. It’s an excellent read and I genuinely think about it all the time still even though I read it a couple years ago.
It furthers the oppression of disabled people by screening out doctors and medpros who might have personal experience and therefore SOME FUCKING SYMPATHY. I absolutely hate it. That shit is part of why we have patient hostile gatekeeping horseshit around pain relief and panic relief. Among so many other institutional sins.
People shouldn’t feel the need to get out of their wheelchair for photos, no matter the reason for the photo.
Saw a post of a man getting out of his wheelchair at his wedding day so “he could give his wife memories of him not in a wheelchair, even if it was for 1-2 minutes”. How sad is that? That he felt he needed to give her a memory that wasn’t him in a wheelchair. If she married you in the wheelchair, she knows you’re in a wheelchair. She loves you in a wheelchair. The story was her helping him along a hard journey of his disability, she clearly loves him. It’s so sad he felt he needed to give her a memory of him not in a wheelchair as if being in a wheelchair is a bad thing.
I’m really just tired of these “inspirational stories” where disabled people hate their disability so much they fight through hell to try and make sure they have a picture without them in a mobility aid. Why do they hate their disability so much? From stories like this.
I know one could argue “oh well his choice, he may not like his disability/mobility aid, he wanted to give her the memory, etc. etc.” but like, if we didn’t as a society stigmatize using mobility aids for disabilities, this sort of self-loathing probably wouldn’t exist to the extent that it does today.
Idk if any of this made any sense, I’m hot and exhausted but I’m so tired of this being shared to my good news Instagram pages. I want good news, not a reminder that being in a wheelchair is an undesirable trait in today’s society.
