[Handwritte in pink and purple: “If aroaces actually felt like addressing the root problems of a society that pushes the idea that everyone wants a relationship/family and that sex isn’t owed to anyone instead of insisting they’re the only ones who face these issues caused by rape culture and mysoginy then MAYBE we would get somewhere in worthwhile discussions”]
This is an example of hate.
Wow, I got certified! Credit me next time you take my post!
It’s just facts, though.
Like, this is legit a matter of misogyny, rape culture, and toxic masculinity (which is a byproduct of misogyny). Nothing about that is a concern unique to the asexual experience. It’s a matter of the human experience.
Plenty of “allosexual” people don’t want to have a family! The child free and VHEMT communities have been around for decades.
Not everyone, including “allos” want sex or a relationship - right now, maybe ever! Why? Plenty of reasons. I literally took about eight years off from dating and sex during early stages of my transitiong, simply because of dysphoria (it’s also not uncommon for trans people to just mentally “shut off” our feelings of sexual attraction because of dysphoria – it’s such a common reaction to dysphoria, and has many decades of documentation, I’m even willing to bet that a strong majority of asexual-identifying trans people actually aren’t asexual, and they’ll discover this at some point in the course of transitioning)
The only reason that I can imagine why there are so many asexual people who believe that these are “unique asexual experience” is some combination of unaddressed misogyny and a case of terminal uniqueness.
[“Terminal uniqueness” isn’t just common to substance abusers, but it’s frankly also a common feeling during adolescence, and most people who feel it as teenagers outgrow it.]
if you like someone, and you like having sex with them, and you wanna have sex with them…. that’s what sexual attraction is. there’s not some other secret definition!! it’s not that deep!!
Do people honestly think it’s deeper than this? Iean yes you “have” people that need to be emotionally attached, but still that’s a whole seperate bag.
asexuals who say stuff like ‘I love my partner and I like having sex with them but I’m ace!!!!’
I never intrinsically want to have sex. I am never intrinsically motivated to have sex. I don’t find my partner or anyone sexually attractive; I have never looked at or thought about anybody and subsequently thought or felt “wow, I want to have sex with them.”
But I love my partner, and seeing him smile makes me smile; seeing him happy makes me happy. So when my partner wants to have sex, I generally “like” having sex with him because it’s something he really likes. I “like” it because it makes him happy and it’s one way for us to be physically close and affectionate. (For me, sex itself is at best kinda fun, but often just meh. Nice sometimes, decently tolerable mostly. But with my partner, it’s nice because he’s enjoying it, and I enjoy him enjoying it.)
And that is not the same as sexual attraction. He knows it. I know it.
I “like” sex, and can “enjoy” sex if I put my mind to it, but sexual attraction means that you like sex because you like it, intrinsically, yourself. I don’t, ever. But despite that, I still say I “like” sex in some cases (at least in some way) because the person I love likes it, and I like making them happy. And sometimes I still “want” sex because I’d like to be physically close with my partner, or I know he’s had a rough day, or it’s a special occasion, or I otherwise know he’ll really appreciate it.
Even if you don’t understand, I’m ace and I love my partner and I like having sex with them becauseofreasons besides sexual attraction.
This is literally how women have been socialised to relate to sex for CENTURIES.
It’s not unhealthy to have sex when you don’t want it to please someone else.
Are you being sarcastic?
That is literally rape culture.
If you don’t want sex, the only healthy option is to not consent to sex. “Consent” given just to make someone else happy is literally rape culture.
If you genuinely believe that it’s “healthy” to consent to doing things with your body that you don’t want to do, just to please someone else, maybe ask yourself why?
