If you don’t recognize the bird above, what the fuck? Where are you from? Have you heard of The Beatles? Do you know what baseball is? Why are you allowed to have an internet connection? But anyway, bald eagles are big fucking sea eagles that live in the United States and Canada and vacation in Mexico. Ben Franklin didn’t want bald eagles to be America’s #1 Bird because he thought they were, swear to god, “of bad moral character." Big talk from a dude whose main contribution to the Revolutionary War was banging French teenagers. I have the opposite problem with bald eagles, though. That GAZE, man. PIERCING. If a human looked at me with that hateful disapproval I’d go right home, try to do a pull up, and then curl up on the ground in the fetal position and somberly think of all the ways I’ve disappointed my parents.
do they think we’re only allowed to eat kraft singles or
i go to the american grocery store and step into the cheese isle pondering which kraft single i will buy
Everyonewants to act like Americans don’t have cheese but no one wants to talk about the cheese caves, the caves where we put all our cheese because we make too much and our cringe government keeps bailing out our fail dairy farmers to keep the price of milk stable because The Great Depression so now we have so much cheese in this country we could literally stop producing cheese right now and still have enough cheese to give everyone in America a pound of it every day for four years. And I’m not even talking about kraft singles pictured above, I’m talking about an actual not cursed product– real cheese. Cheddar, brie, gouda, munster, swiss, you name it we have a billion pounds of it, literally. We have so much cheese that we’re literally running out of places to put it and in an effort to get rid of it we reprocess a lot of it into kraft singles (hence it’s a cheese product and not actual cheese– cheese is but an ingredient in kraft singles, much like how bread is itself an ingredient in German graubrot, although graubrot is a food item that is actually meant to exist on this earth and isn’t the end product a cautionary tale on how not to stabilize a vital industry when your economy is collapsing) and for a very long time we gave it away as part of certain food assistance programs. And that’s not even countingthe fancy imported shit from Europe, because yes even though we still have way too much cheese we also still import it from Europe in addition to the too much cheese we already have.
