AROSPEC WEEK BABEY!!! Y’ALL GETTING ANOTHER POEM!!! WHOOOO!
[ID: a poem typed on a background that starts with dark clouds at the top, fades to white, then has a border of green grass at the bottom. It reads:
Growing up I was taught love existed In the form of filial piety In the form of respect to your elders And the word was never brought to lips In shades of red Like they so decorate The store isles every year
And growing up I’d never seen My father kiss my mum Like the silver screen said Yet I knew they loved each other Yet I knew I’d never love like that
The streets of dhaka Had no lovers out past midnight The streets here do But I had never longed for late night escapes
When high school came And my friends found matches Whom they handed red Red roses I denied (myself) That I’d never held any (that I could never hold any) And called yellow, red
Handpicked boys from a strawberry field Forced myself to feel The ways girls did In books I’d read at the library By myself
If I could go back to who I was then I’d tell her Words are so much more powerful than you think And that you are so much more different than you think And life will be hard but you will make it You will not be the same person Come years to pass But don’t shun it Take pride
How To Navigate A Casual Sexual Relationship As An Alloaro
Preface - Before I begin this post I just want to get some things out of the way. This is general advice from my own experiences, and every experience is going to be different! That being said, there will be mentions sex and sexual activities and attraction in this post so if that make you uncomfortable please be cautious. There is no material out there for alloaro’s specifically, so this is a post for us.
So, you’re alloaro and you want to navigate a healthy sexual relationship? Well well, you’ve come to the right place my friend! There is a distinct lack of resources like this for alloaro’s in our community, so the following is a compiling of advice from your friendly local Achillean Alloaro on healthy casual relationships! Lets get the basics out of the way first.
Boundaries & Expectations
Boundaries and expectations are extremely important, esspecially in casual relationships. Not only for your partner, but also for you. Make your boundaries clear and known before anything. Some things you might want to bring up to your partner before going through with things:
Casual sex is not a show of romantic interest or affection
Any terminology you are uncomfortable with during sex (i.e, being called certain romantically coded pet names or expression of romantic attraction)
No pressure to be romantically involved after casual sex
Expectations should also be known beforehand. It should be very clear that romantic attraction should NOT be assumed after sex. Esspecially if your partner is not aromantic or on the aromantic spectrum.
With that out of the way, lets discuss more general tips and practices for safe casual sex.
Use Protection
This one is a bit of a no brainer but should still be said. Its best to use protection during any kind of sex. Not only does it help prevent pregnancy but it also protects against STD’s! Incase it was never taught to you, here is a quick guide to properly using a condom:
Be careful while opening the packaging and make sure the condoms are not expired! The expiration date is often printed on both the box and the individual wrapping.
When putting a condom on, make sure to pinch the tip and leave a small well to help prevent tearing.
Condoms should unroll easily. If it doesn’t unroll, it might be on the wrong way. Be carefull not to tear the material by tugging too much.
Unroll the condom fully, never halfway or even a 1/3rd of the way to ensure it doesn’t tear or come off. It it does, replace it immediately.
Establishing Limits With A Partner
Similar to boundaries and expectations, you should make sure your partner is aware of your limits! Whether it be someone you’re only going to sleep with once, or someone you are mutually involved with. Its okay to experiment, however you should be cautious of any limits you or your partner might have. This goes for physical limits such as positions or what kinds of acts they comfortable with, kinks, etc. However it also applies to other limits such as when your partner is willing to have sex (as even alloaro’s have limits. Anyone who experiences sexual attraction and is aromantic can ID as alloaro, which includes greysexuals who don’t always feel sexual attraction).
A Note For Alloromantics
If you are someone who isn’t alloaro or not aromantic at all reading this, a note specifically for you. Its important to keep in mind that all alloaro’s experience and express sexual attraction differently. Alloaro’s can be many thing, but one thing they aren’t is predatory. Its extremely harmful to expect romantic involvement after casual sex with an alloaro even if you are in a QPR. Do not pressure them into a relationship afterwards, and never slut shame an alloaro for lacking romantic attraction.
This post is a bit of a mess but its something at the very least. As an alloaro who enjoys engaging in casual sex, I have a lot of personal experiences and advice to give other alloaro’s, so please feel free to ask any questions you might have. I am always willing to answer! Happy Aromantic Awareness Week, and as always No Romo
This is a post about vocabulary within the Aromantic Community in relation to Platonic and Aplatonic Spectrum and Terminology that a subset of the Aro-spec community uses.
(I’ve opted not to use a read more to ensure this information isn’t hosted solely on this blog so it will remain in case anything happens to this blog. I did my best to get feedback from others within the aro community regarding these terms and definition so that everyone’s needs are met. Hopefully this will help with the wave of attempting to reclaim aro-spec language.)
Note on the Aplatonic terms: the aplatonic term is used mostly by neurodivergent (ND) aros or those who have been through trauma. But it is not exclusive. Furthermore, the vocabulary associated with platonic attraction and relationships are terms sourced within the aromantic community. They are terms created by and for the aromantic community, although we welcome anyone who finds them useful, any use of them needs to respect that origin and use.
Centering and prioritization of platonic attraction and relationships: while platonic attraction and relationships are not inherently queer, lgbt+, or mogai, the act of centering and prioritizing platonic relationships is inherently challenging the amatonormativity of society and tied to the aromantic existence. As such choosing to center the platonic orientation and relationships is queer, lgbt+, mogai.
Types of Attraction: (some definitions pulled from x)
Sexual attraction: attraction that makes people desire sexual contact or shows sexual interest in another person(s).
Romantic attraction: attraction that makes people desire romantic contact or interaction with another person or persons.
Aesthetic attraction: attraction that appreciates the appearance or beauty of another person(s), disconnected from sexual or romantic attraction.
Sensual attraction: the desire to interact with others in a tactile, non-sexual way, such as through hugging or cuddling.
Platonic attraction: The desire to have a platonic relationship with a specific person.
Alterous attraction: A sort of gray area between platonic and romantic attraction. It’s defined as wanting emotional closeness without necessarily being (at all or entirely) platonic &/or romantic.
Queerplatonic/Quasiplatonic Attraction: A kind of platonic attraction that is not romantic but goes beyond the level of commitment and intimacy that is socially expected of friendship.
Note: All types of attraction can be combined with the various prefixes to form an orientation label to reflect the types of attraction that are important to the individual. Examples: aplatonic, panalterous, heterosexual, homoromantic, bisensual, demiaesthetic
Repulsed/Averse/Indifferent/Neutral/Favorable: The axis of which a person feels comfortable with the type of attraction in general being displayed or directed to them.
Examples: Platonic Repulsed: A person who is uncomfortable or repulsed by platonic intimacy or displays of affections Romance Repulsed: A person who is uncomfortable or repulsed by romance or displays of romantic affections
Negative/Positive: The axis on which a person feels a person should be allowed to experience and express their own relationship to a specific type of attraction
Example: Sex-Positive: A political stance that believes people should be free to have the relationship to sex that works best for them, and that nobody should be shamed for having or not having sex. Sex-Negative: A political stance that believes in the social control of how people should relate to sex.
Aro-Spec Relationship Terms:
Queerplatonic/Quasiplatonic Relationship (QPR): A committed relationship that is not based on romantic attraction but goes beyond the level of commitment and intimacy that is socially expected as friendship.
note on platonic and queerplatonic relationships: They may be based on any kind of attraction that is not romantic in nature. Which can include any combination of: sexual, sensual, aesthetic, alterous, emotional, queerplatonic, or platonic attraction. They may also be based on factors other than attraction (instead of or in addition to) or be entered into without attraction.
Nonamory: a lifestyle choice or relationship style that does not include intimate, long-term partnerships, whether romantic or platonic.(Coined here x)
Non-QP, a-QPR or a-queerplatonic: a person who does not feel queerplatonic attraction or desire a queerplatonic relationship.
Analterous: A person who does not feel or experience alterous attraction or bonds.
Aplatonic: A person who does not feel or experience platonic attraction or bonds.
Platonic Spectrum Terms:
Aplatonic: Does not experience platonic attraction or form platonic bonds (ie: friendship).
Grayplatonic: Only experiences platonic attraction or forms platonic bonds rarely or under specific circumstances.
Alloplatonic: Experiences platonic attraction and forms platonic bonds in line with societal expectations.
___platonic: (panplatonic, biplatonic, homoplatonic, heteroplatonic) A label for a person who prioritizes their platonic relationships and uses it as their orientation label. Generally an aromantic community term.
Personal Feelings Towards Platonic Intimacy and Affection (Independent of Platonic Orientation)
Platonic Repulsed: A person who is uncomfortable or repulsed by platonic intimacy or affection.
Platonic Adverse: A person who is uncomfortable or averse to platonic intimacy or affection.
Platonic Neutral: A person who feels neutral to platonic intimacy or affection.
Platonic Indifferent: A person who feels indifferent to platonic intimacy or affection.
Platonic Favorable: A person who feels favorable (likes) platonic intimacy or affection.
Personal Feelings Towards the Value of Platonic Attraction and Relationships
Platonic Positive: An ideological stance that people should not be shamed for not feeling platonic attraction, or for prioritizing their platonic attraction.
Platonic Negative: People who devalue platonic relationships (and devalue those who prioritize their platonic relationships) or who shame those who don’t experience platonic attraction or who center is.
