Aromantic people are too interesting to be stereotyped as people with “commitment issues” or people who “just don’t want to open up/get close to others.” Get to know aromantic people beyond your limited, selfish expectations of us.

If the only reason you contact your aromantic friend(s) is to ask them for advice on your romantic relationship(s), then you need to change that behavior. 

There is this pervasive idea that good friends should be as invested in the success of your romantic relationships as you are invested in them. I know that I see it all the time in popular media - the “best friend” is the go-to person to hold your hand and tell you how to “make it work” with your “significant other.” Just the term “significant other” alone suggests that your relationship with them should take priority over maintaining ties with people who are “only” friends.

But. Relationships take work. Period. That includes your relationship with your friends. Asking a friend to carry the emotional weight of your relationship over and over isn’t fair to them. It’s especially not fair to your aromantic friends who already get sidelined by your romantic partner(s), and whose emotional capacity to empathize with your romantic feelings isn’t very much. I will give advice to you, because I care about you. Just know, it’s torture for me.

I don’t relate to your romantic feelings.Ever.I don’t feel that. I don’t understand why you act the way you do half the time. I don’t understand your partner’s romantic behaviors either. I can identify dysfunctional relationships. I can give advice on what to do based on the principle of treating others the way you want to be treated. I know enough about fictional romantic relationships that can model what to do/what not to do. But, I do notrelate to you.

It is mentally exhausting. I have had multiple friends throughout my life who I have not talked to for months to years suddenly contact me to talk them through a recent break up or a concern over their partner’s behavior or the prospect of getting married or a new date. Now, I’m not the best at maintaining relationships. However, my friends have really treated me like I’minsignificant to their romantic relationships over and over. 

I’ve had friends cancel plans with me to spend more time with their romantic partners. I’ve had friends surprise me by bringing their romantic partner to hang outs, wherein the majority of their attention and time is spent with them over me. I’ve had friends trick me into hanging out so that they could get transportation for their date(s) with their romantic partner. I’ve had the romantic partner(s) of friends come to me for advice as well. 

They’re your significant others. Spend all the time in the world with them because clearly they’re very important to you! Don’t expect me to exhaust myself for you, forcing myself to untangle your problems despite having no easy way to connect with and understand your feelings, only for you to go back and ignore me again until you “need me.” I’m not your therapist. Aromantic people aren’t your therapists, just because we see things from a different perspective.

This might come off as aggressive, but give a shit about your aromantic friends. When you use us to solve your problems, you are being selfish. We have a multitude of our own problems and emotional needs. The more I am asked to support you with nothing in return, the more isolated I feel from my own support network. It convinces me more that I am easy to abandon and that I am only worth keeping around as needed.

I don’t like to guilt trip people into reblogging, but I am beggingpeople who aren’t aromantic to at least absorb the message here. 

Aromantic people are not projects for people to fix. We don’t exist to fall in love with you if you just try hard enough. That’s not how this works. 

While well-meaning, affirmations for aromantic people that focus on our ability to love or be loved aren’t always helpful. When I receive an affirmation that I’m still lovable *despite* (stated or implied) my aromanticism, it doesn’t make me feel more accepted and respected. Affirmations for aromantics should:

• actuallyaffirm the validity of aromanticism
• emphasize importance of acceptance & respect
• acknowledge no one’s value should be measured on “lovability”
• include effective ways to support aromantics

I don’t care whether or not I’m easy to “love.” I do care that people do not mistreat me regardless of how easy I am to “love.”

corylion:

Aro/Demi

This comic talks about our experience, mine and Wolfy’s, in a long distance relationship. I love my partner. She adores me. That doesn’t mean her “love” is any less than mine. Different doesn’t mean wrong. Because there isn’t such a thing like “one way to love”, Wolfy had the brilliant idea to name this series of comics: “Love for All”

First Part:Unexpected

aroacearborvitae:

yikepike:

AROSPEC WEEK BABEY!!! Y’ALL GETTING ANOTHER POEM!!! WHOOOO!

[ID: a poem typed on a background that starts with dark clouds at the top, fades to white, then has a border of green grass at the bottom. It reads:

Growing up I was taught love existed
In the form of filial piety
In the form of respect to your elders
And the word was never brought to lips
In shades of red
Like they so decorate
The store isles every year

And growing up
I’d never seen
My father kiss my mum
Like the silver screen said
Yet I knew they loved each other
Yet I knew I’d never love like that

The streets of dhaka
Had no lovers out past midnight
The streets here do
But I had never longed for late night escapes

When high school came
And my friends found matches
Whom they handed red
Red roses
I denied
(myself)
That I’d never held any
(that I could never hold any)
And called yellow, red

Handpicked boys from a strawberry field
Forced myself to feel
The ways girls did
In books I’d read at the library
By myself

If I could go back to who I was then
I’d tell her
Words are so much more powerful than you think
And that you are so much more different than you think
And life will be hard but you will make it
You will not be the same person
Come years to pass
But don’t shun it
Take pride

End ID.]

an-aro-without-an-ace:

How To Navigate A Casual Sexual Relationship As An Alloaro

Preface - Before I begin this post I just want to get some things out of the way. This is general advice from my own experiences, and every experience is going to be different! That being said, there will be mentions sex and sexual activities and attraction in this post so if that make you uncomfortable please be cautious. There is no material out there for alloaro’s specifically, so this is a post for us.

So, you’re alloaro and you want to navigate a healthy sexual relationship? Well well, you’ve come to the right place my friend! There is a distinct lack of resources like this for alloaro’s in our community, so the following is a compiling of advice from your friendly local Achillean Alloaro on healthy casual relationships! Lets get the basics out of the way first.

Boundaries & Expectations

Boundaries and expectations are extremely important, esspecially in casual relationships. Not only for your partner, but also for you. Make your boundaries clear and known before anything. Some things you might want to bring up to your partner before going through with things:

• Casual sex is not a show of romantic interest or affection
• Any terminology you are uncomfortable with during sex (i.e, being called certain romantically coded pet names or expression of romantic attraction)
• No pressure to be romantically involved after casual sex

Expectations should also be known beforehand. It should be very clear that romantic attraction should NOT be assumed after sex. Esspecially if your partner is not aromantic or on the aromantic spectrum.

With that out of the way, lets discuss more general tips and practices for safe casual sex.

Use Protection

This one is a bit of a no brainer but should still be said. Its best to use protection during any kind of sex. Not only does it help prevent pregnancy but it also protects against STD’s! Incase it was never taught to you, here is a quick guide to properly using a condom:

1. Be careful while opening the packaging and make sure the condoms are not expired! The expiration date is often printed on both the box and the individual wrapping.
2. When putting a condom on, make sure to pinch the tip and leave a small well to help prevent tearing.
3. Condoms should unroll easily. If it doesn’t unroll, it might be on the wrong way. Be carefull not to tear the material by tugging too much.
4. Unroll the condom fully, never halfway or even a 1/3rd of the way to ensure it doesn’t tear or come off. It it does, replace it immediately.

Establishing Limits With A Partner

Similar to boundaries and expectations, you should make sure your partner is aware of your limits! Whether it be someone you’re only going to sleep with once, or someone you are mutually involved with. Its okay to experiment, however you should be cautious of any limits you or your partner might have. This goes for physical limits such as positions or what kinds of acts they comfortable with, kinks, etc. However it also applies to other limits such as when your partner is willing to have sex (as even alloaro’s have limits. Anyone who experiences sexual attraction and is aromantic can ID as alloaro, which includes greysexuals who don’t always feel sexual attraction).

A Note For Alloromantics

If you are someone who isn’t alloaro or not aromantic at all reading this, a note specifically for you. Its important to keep in mind that all alloaro’s experience and express sexual attraction differently. Alloaro’s can be many thing, but one thing they aren’t is predatory. Its extremely harmful to expect romantic involvement after casual sex with an alloaro even if you are in a QPR. Do not pressure them into a relationship afterwards, and never slut shame an alloaro for lacking romantic attraction.

This post is a bit of a mess but its something at the very least. As an alloaro who enjoys engaging in casual sex, I have a lot of personal experiences and advice to give other alloaro’s, so please feel free to ask any questions you might have. I am always willing to answer! Happy Aromantic Awareness Week, and as always No Romo

herefortheacenaro:

This is a post about vocabulary within the Aromantic Community in relation to Platonic and Aplatonic Spectrum and Terminology that a subset of the Aro-spec community uses.

(I’ve opted not to use a read more to ensure this information isn’t hosted solely on this blog so it will remain in case anything happens to this blog. I did my best to get feedback from others within the aro community regarding these terms and definition so that everyone’s needs are met. Hopefully this will help with the wave of attempting to reclaim aro-spec language.)

Note on the Aplatonic terms: the aplatonic term is used mostly by neurodivergent (ND) aros or those who have been through trauma. But it is not exclusive. Furthermore, the vocabulary associated with platonic attraction and relationships are terms sourced within the aromantic community. They are terms created by and for the aromantic community, although we welcome anyone who finds them useful, any use of them needs to respect that origin and use.

Centering and prioritization of platonic attraction and relationships: while platonic attraction and relationships are not inherently queer, lgbt+, or mogai, the act of centering and prioritizing platonic relationships is inherently challenging the amatonormativity of society and tied to the aromantic existence. As such choosing to center the platonic orientation and relationships is queer, lgbt+, mogai.

Types of Attraction: (some definitions pulled from x)

Sexual attraction: attraction that makes people desire sexual contact or shows sexual interest in another person(s).

Romantic attraction: attraction that makes people desire romantic contact or interaction with another person or persons.

Aesthetic attraction: attraction that appreciates the appearance or beauty of another person(s), disconnected from sexual or romantic attraction.

Sensual attraction: the desire to interact with others in a tactile, non-sexual way, such as through hugging or cuddling.

Platonic attraction: The desire to have a platonic relationship with a specific person.

Alterous attraction: A sort of gray area between platonic and romantic attraction. It’s defined as wanting emotional closeness without necessarily being (at all or entirely) platonic &/or romantic.

Queerplatonic/Quasiplatonic Attraction: A kind of platonic attraction that is not romantic but goes beyond the level of commitment and intimacy that is socially expected of friendship.

Note: All types of attraction can be combined with the various prefixes to form an orientation label to reflect the types of attraction that are important to the individual. Examples: aplatonic, panalterous, heterosexual, homoromantic, bisensual, demiaesthetic

Repulsed/Averse/Indifferent/Neutral/Favorable: The axis of which a person feels comfortable with the type of attraction in general being displayed or directed to them.

Examples:
Platonic Repulsed: A person who is uncomfortable or repulsed by platonic intimacy or displays of affections
Romance Repulsed: A person who is uncomfortable or repulsed by romance or displays of romantic affections

Negative/Positive: The axis on which a person feels a person should be allowed to experience and express their own relationship to a specific type of attraction

Example:
Sex-Positive: A political stance that believes people should be free to have the relationship to sex that works best for them, and that nobody should be shamed for having or not having sex.
Sex-Negative: A political stance that believes in the social control of how people should relate to sex.

Aro-Spec Relationship Terms:

Queerplatonic/Quasiplatonic Relationship (QPR): A committed relationship that is not based on romantic attraction but goes beyond the level of commitment and intimacy that is socially expected as friendship.

note on platonic and queerplatonic relationships: They may be based on any kind of attraction that is not romantic in nature. Which can include any combination of: sexual, sensual, aesthetic, alterous, emotional, queerplatonic, or platonic attraction. They may also be based on factors other than attraction (instead of or in addition to) or be entered into without attraction.

Nonamory: a lifestyle choice or relationship style that does not include intimate, long-term partnerships, whether romantic or platonic.(Coined here x)

Non-QP, a-QPR or a-queerplatonic: a person who does not feel queerplatonic attraction or desire a queerplatonic relationship.

Analterous: A person who does not feel or experience alterous attraction or bonds.

Aplatonic: A person who does not feel or experience platonic attraction or bonds.

Platonic Spectrum Terms:

Aplatonic: Does not experience platonic attraction or form platonic bonds (ie: friendship).

Grayplatonic: Only experiences platonic attraction or forms platonic bonds rarely or under specific circumstances.

Alloplatonic: Experiences platonic attraction and forms platonic bonds in line with societal expectations.

___platonic: (panplatonic, biplatonic, homoplatonic, heteroplatonic) A label for a person who prioritizes their platonic relationships and uses it as their orientation label. Generally an aromantic community term.

Personal Feelings Towards Platonic Intimacy and Affection (Independent of Platonic Orientation)

Platonic Repulsed: A person who is uncomfortable or repulsed by platonic intimacy or affection.

Platonic Adverse: A person who is uncomfortable or averse to platonic intimacy or affection.

Platonic Neutral: A person who feels neutral to platonic intimacy or affection.

Platonic Indifferent: A person who feels indifferent to platonic intimacy or affection.

Platonic Favorable: A person who feels favorable (likes) platonic intimacy or affection.

Personal Feelings Towards the Value of Platonic Attraction and Relationships

Platonic Positive: An ideological stance that people should not be shamed for not feeling platonic attraction, or for prioritizing their platonic attraction.

Platonic Negative: People who devalue platonic relationships (and devalue those who prioritize their platonic relationships) or who shame those who don’t experience platonic attraction or who center is.