i-have-no-idea-what-to-type-here:

aros these days cant cook all they know is project onto comfort characters, be erased by communities, sleep, be voidpunk, eat hot chip and lie

iiicarus0:

gray

it’s difficult, it’s all just so difficult in a way that doesn’t quite make sense.

we go out to get something to eat together and there’s moment

after moment where i look at your hands or make you laugh and all

i want is more of it, more of those little moments and more,

your eyes on me, my head on your chest,

fingers moving deftly around a knife in a kitchen flooded with light,

something warm and soft and full that stings in a pleasant sort of way.

and it should be easy, i’ve always liked a little blood, always liked

the way a knife glints, always liked how it hurts when people turn away.

but it’s something different altogether, the scene’s washed in

some different kind of light. the actors are moving the same way,

we’re moving the same way, but everything is washed in red and crimson

instead of yellows and blues like it usually is, everything screams

danger and panic and grief, and it’s not familiar. it’s all wrong.

the knife raises and raises and then falls, and halfway down i can

see how it’ll all turn out, see the reflection in the camera lens, and it’s what i always wanted;

a hand reaching out to a flame and getting burned, then recoiling,

something glass and fragile being dropped from a height and shattering,

destruction and desolation and isolation and failure,

all these things i usually wanted, destruction just the way i liked it,

so why is everything crimson? where’s the horror movie soundtrack coming from?

fine, let’s change the scene. we’re on a road trip and i’m driving even

though my hands tremble on the wheel and you’ve got the radio cranked up

and you’re laughing and tossing an energy drink at me

and you look beautiful in the golden hour light and suddenly i’m hitting the brakes

and pulling off to the side of the highway because the gold shifted to crimson again.

this shouldn’t be difficult. it isn’t for everyone else.

they’ve always said it’s what makes us human. so why is it so difficult?

the director shouts again, again from somewhere and the scene shifts once more.

i’m sitting in a room illuminated by a screen your name is on and your voice is

in my ears and i’m laughing, and you’re laughing, and everyone is laughing.

you must notice that something is off because you remind me that you love me, that i’m a great friend,

but suddenly my hands are shaking again, over the keys now, and i hope

you don’t notice how unsteady my voice is when i laugh back at you,

that you don’t notice how the blood seeps out from the hollow of my chest

and trails down my ribcage, each beat twisting the knife a little more.

once more, with feeling, as if just saying that doesn’t wrench open the wound again.

we’re sitting under an old magnolia at the edge of my yard, secluded and rural.

you could scream and no one would hear you, you tell me,

and so i scream, and keep screaming, til my throat’s raw and

everything comes out red and half-gurgled. i scream and you look at me

and hold out a magnolia blossom, and we lie there together under the branches

in the hot july heat, waiting for the bad feelings to be chased away,

the knife cast away and left to rust in the tall grass somewhere else.

but that’s still not right.

but now i’ve pushed too hard and something’s wrong with the lighting on set,

crimson to green and grey and white, everything’s flashing and it’s hard to think,

and i think i see someone’s face, and i think they’re good and lovely and beautiful,

but everything is flashing and i can’t be sure, because everything is flashing

and my head is pounding and it’s too difficult to put a name to it.

what i’m feeling must be fear, but which kind? what i’m feeling

must be panic, but in what way?

when i see their face, am i afraid because i want something normal and friendly?

when i see their face, am i afraid because i want something else?

i keep trying to ask but the lights keep flashing and nobody answers.

this page of the script is blank and the director is shrouded in shadow and unresponsive.

tell me, which is it? is it love or not? can i feel love or not? can i be loved or not?

but there’s nobody working on set and i don’t know how to make the lights stop flashing.

the way they blend into each other, the way the crimson always finds a way to peek through the rest,

the way it’s all so overwhelming and god damn it’s so hard to think.

it’s supposed to be what makes us human. how are you supposed to know?

how can anybody know when it’s like this? are the lights flashing for everyone else?

fondness either grows or festers, then it’s shoved into my arms

and i have to figure out what to do with it. how am i supposed to know what it even is when the lights keep flashing?

i want to have someone, i want to be certain,

i want the scene to be holding hands in a well-lit room instead of being blind in the dark,

i want light, and i want gold, and i want the bad feeling to stay away.

-

hi, i’m ic and i’m grey-aromantic.

i’ve been feeling and thinking a lot about what that means to me lately, and figured that valentine’s day is as good a day as any to make a bit of that public, partly because i know i appreciated reading about other people’s experiences when i was trying to figure shit out, and partly because i’ve had this on my mind for so long that i kinda just want to share it.

until recently, i never had crushes. as a kid, i always figured i’d have a high school sweetheart, or find someone who makes me nervously excited with just a look eventually. and then i didn’t. for a while i thought i was aromantic, but when i found the term grey-aromantic (or grayro), something just clicked. here was a word for what i’d been feeling, or maybe what i hadn’t been feeling. here was validation for never having dated or had a crush, for feeling drawn to people but being uncertain regarding whether it was platonic or not, for having such a strange relationship with relationships.

a little over a year ago i started reading up on grey-aromanticism and felt that click. i finally stopped lying and telling myself i was completely aromantic (which was partly because of low self-esteem and partly because i’d never had a crush, which isn’t to say that aromantics are invalid because they’re just sad, not at all; that was merely my experience), and told myself that if i felt drawn to someone, i’d genuinely explore it instead of shutting it down like i had before.

onemaybe-a-crushand oneprobably-almost-certainly-a-crush later and my perspective has changed a bit, especially after the former. it made me realize that a significant part of me, in spite of all the anxiety and self-image issues, actually wants a partner. which sounds lame but as someone who spent a long time convincing myself i’d never have or deserve that, it feels nicer than i expected.

so yeah. happy valentine’s day, especially to my ace/aro spectrum folks. you’re not broken, no matter what a holiday might try and claim.

Follow up to this post!!!!! :D https://jazzmin3.tumblr.com/post/644380397259620352/flag-birbs

Flag Birbs

Even more

✨ F l a g B i r b s ✨

grayros:

a-romantic–aromantic:

We all know the push at the start of last year. We wanted to be recognized. We wanted to be talked about. We wanted to be taken seriously. We helped change the popular definition of aromantic to be “little to no romantic attraction” to include more people. But at the beginning of last year, there was another push. A push to push aros who have romantic attraction out of their labels. 

It started off pretty small. Individuals getting sick and tired of “aros and arospecs” but getting told they were using arospec wrong when they claimed this identity for themselves. “Arospec is for anyone who is on the aromantic spectrum! Including aromantic people!” Then why are you calling us that. Then why are you using it to distance us from your community.

I am using that word because you called us that, to make us seem like we aren’t one of you. You gave us a label, thank you. But also, fuck you for trying to take it away. I get told again I can’t use it that way. I give up, I have no label, and I feel isolated. 

Thanks, aros. 

---

The argument continues. I call myself aro. I get told that the word only means no attraction ever. I get told it’s not my word. It’s not my word. I get told I don’t belong under that identity. I get told to use arospec. I dont want to use arospec, you told me I was using it wrong. I start hearing things you dont realize you are saying. 

“Arospec is for the whole community, use that if you want to talk about the community as a whole. You aren’t aro. Don’t call yourself that. Aro is not an umbrella term, and arospec doesn’t mean you. It’s not your word.You have no language. The common language we use to refer to ourselves and you isn’t for you. It’s not yours.You can’t call yourself what we’re calling you, and you can’t use the only word we use to talk about the community.”

Again, I have no label, I feel isolated. But this time, I get angry. I get PISSED. I stand my ground, and I defend us. I flip the script, aros get pissed, and then…  And then. The post. The damn fucking post.

---

A word lost to discourse: greyromantic. “This is what you are.” This damn post was sent to me every time I talked about being shoved out of the aromantic community. “Look! There is a word for you!” This damn post was sent to me every time I talked about being told my language was wrong. “You can use this word instead! No need to use ours.” This damn post was sent to me any time I brought up the treatment of partnering and sometimes-romo aros. “Why don’t you just use this word instead? See? We’re listening to and supporting you.” This damn post was used again and again and again by people who HAVE NO PLACE to tell me what my identity can be. 

This post specifically was used to talk over me. This post was used to silence my voice. OUR voices. This post was used, primarily by aros who have never experienced romantic attraction, primarily by aros who will never fall under this umbrella, to tell me what I am. To tell me what I can and cannot be. To tell me that my language was wrong and I cannot use the language I had been using for myself. 

and I won’t fucking use that label.

So what labels do I use? What label do I like? Why do I like them?

---

I go by romo aro. It was a private word me and my microcommunity had been using this whole time, that by the end I started promoting and making content for. This is my favorite and preferred label, because it can cover anyone who fits outside of the stereotypical aro alignment. Sometimes-romo, romo favorable, partnering, polyaff/polyam, queerplatonic aros, aros who enjoy romo content. and Anyone who would’ve been shoved under that “arospec” umbrella instead of aro. This word is inclusive, this word is radical, and this word can mean me, no matter what that means for me in that moment.

I use this word mostly because it is the only label that no one else forced onto me, and I will never force it onto anyone else. I prefer it because it is, and always has been, mine. I always had a choice, and it never belonged to anyone else. This word is mine, and I will not let anyone take it away from me.

---

I also use aro. While people kept arguing against me, for I while I just dropped talking about my identity as a romo aro altogether. I went by aro because it was easier and because it can be an umbrella term. The definition started shifting to mean “little to no romantic attraction” and I am forever grateful. This is a word I’ll keep, because no one forced it on me, and because people told me I couldn’t. Using this word was an act of defiance, and using this word was an act of belonging and assimilation. And now people recognize that this word can also belong to me.

---

And finally… I use arospec. It took me months (and by months i mean about 7 to be able to comfortably use it again) but this word was the first word I identified with. Public perception of this word has shifted, and people recognize that it can mean multiple things. People recognize that arospecs are allowed to talk about their experiences under this label, including how aros have wronged them. Slowly, people are able to recognize that this was a word used for aros to distance us from themselves, and that this was the first word a lot of us had. This word is a good label, and while it started as a reclamation, now it’s solid identity that people can recognize as being separate and different from the umbrella term. And that’s really really good. 

I want to say I don’t hate the creator of that post. I don’t hate aros and greyros. But you NEED to start listening to romo aros and arospecs.When we say something is hurting us, people need to believe us and learn to start recognizing damaging language. And there CANNOT be tolerance in the aromantic community for people who will talk over people- especially aromantic minorities. And the aromantic community as a whole HAS to shut down and learn to STOP telling people if their identityandlabelisvalid or not. I HAVE to stop seeing people in my notifications saying that my words are wrong. It HAS to stop. There was a mass exodus of arospecs last year around this time. My whole microcommunity is gone, and a huge portion of the community is missing, with most aros not even noticing. We HAVE to fix things for them. We NEED to make sure that will never happen again. We NEED to make sure that arospecs of all sorts belong.

This community does not have the time or space or numbers to be exclusionary and perpetuating erasure. It’s needs to stop. It’s time to start listening to arospecs. It’s time to start respecting people who have long since been ignored. It’s time the aro community takes a stand with us. 

The aro community has grown, but it’s time to start doing more than what passive little it has recently learned to do. It’s time. Grow more. Take a stand.

This is completely right. When I started this blog, there were absolutely no resources for aromantics who weren’t strictly no-attraction. And since then I have seen pushback against aromantics who do.

The most important thing about a label is not what it means to other people. The most important thing is what it means to you. None of us experience life the same way. None of us experience attraction the same way. None of us experience non-attraction the same way. We don’t even experience the things we see and hear and taste the same way, let alone something as complex as the hormones that our brains sent hurtling throughout our circulatory systems.

I am reblogging this in solidarity for people who don’t feel comfortable identifying as grayromantic or arospec rather than just aro. Your journey is your own. Your self belongs to you, and you are not hurting me or anyone else by using a different word to describe yourself. You are not hurting non-attraction aromantics by using the same word. You have my support.

ALT

Happy Pride Month to aro-spec folx!

Aro-spec means the aromantic spectrum and includes aromantic, demiromantic, and grayromantic.

All of these are available in my shop!

[Image description: a photo of three stickers, three bottle charms, and a string of hearts surrounding them. The stickers are drawings if the pokemon leafeon with the greyromantic flag, aromantic flag, and demiromantic flag in the background. The bottle charms contain the same flags. The hearts are green, lime green, white, gray, and black.]

Explaining you gender identity or sexuality is good and helpful, but if you find yourself arguing about it stop.

If you find yourself arguing that you exist you’re talking to someone who doesn’t want to know. They just want to hurt or control you. You can argue if you want, but there is no obligation. Your personhood is not a topic of debate.

Greyromantic flower flag by Kerrill

greyromanticgang:

I made these lol, let me know if i should make more with more identities!

Lovelies, if you are able, then show your pride! You deserve to participate(if you choose to do so) just as much as any other LGBT+ orientation and identity! Let’s also show some pride and support for those of us who would like to participate, but are unable to do so for any reason, and let them know that they will not go unrecognized.  

bagfullofemojis:

Pride month discord heart emojis set 3!

Set 2|Set 1

Discord lgbt emoji flag comp 3!

Part 2|Part 1

James T. Kirk from Star Trek is grayromantic and bisexual!

Ponysona with my pride flags :]

This is your sign to draw you pony/persona with your pride flags.

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Sketch below!

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Garlic Bread

The following is an imaginary conversation.

“So, I’m grey-aromantic and demisexual. That means that I only rarely feel romantic attraction to people, and I only feel sexual attraction to someone after I form an emotional connection with them, and even then, it’s pretty rare.”

“But that’s just how everyone is. It’s totally normal to not get crushes on people that often, and I like to get to know people before I want to have sex with them, too.”

“Okay, you’ve brought up a couple different things here. First, there’s a difference between feeling sexual attraction and wanting to have sex with someone. You can feel attraction to a person and decide not to have sex with them until you get to know them. But I don’t feel that sexual attraction at all when I meet someone. Second, sure, it’s normal for me to not get crushes on people that often, and maybe it’s normal for you, too, but it’s not normal for everyone. Just look at all the movies that are about love at first sight.”

“That’s just fiction. That doesn’t really happen to real people.”

“Fiction can be sensational, but it’s inspired by reality. If it had nothing to do with reality, then people wouldn’t be interested, and it wouldn’t sell, and they’d stop making it. But, okay, let’s focus on reality. Real people talk about their crushes all the time. It’s basically all anyone wanted to talk about at my high school – who liked who, who was dating who, how much they loved this celebrity or that celebrity. Was it like that with the people you went to school with, too?”

“Yeah! It could get really annoying. But they were just exaggerating. Teenagers make such a big deal out of everything.”

“Ha! They do. I know I did. So maybe they were exaggerating about how strong their crushes were. But when someone tells me what they’re experiencing, I think it’s important to believe them. And if they’re describing something that doesn’t line up with my own experience, then it’s even more important to believe them.”

“What do you mean?”

“Okay, so, did you know that I don’t have a sense of smell?”

“Really?”

“Really. Born without. Never had it. You could fart right now, and if I didn’t hear it, then I wouldn’t know.”

“That sounds super convenient, actually.”

“It can be. The thing is, I have no idea what it’s like to smell. That’s not a part of my experience at all. So, like, you’re telling me that it’s possible for you to just walk into a room and know what’s for dinner? Without seeing it? You just know? From the air? Like magic?”

“It does sound like magic, when you put it like that.”

“I know, right? Sounds pretty sus! But if I’d gone my whole life saying that smell wasn’t real, if I told everyone that they were lying or delusional because they said they could smell… what would that make me?”

“A jerk.”

“Exactly! I’d be a real jerk. Stuck in my own head, unable to imagine that other people might experience the world differently. So, instead, when someone tells me that they feel something that I don’t feel, or that they feel it more often than I feel it, or more strongly, I believe them. And I hope that they extend me the same courtesy – that they believe me, too, when I tell them that my experience is different from what they experience.”

“But what you described before, how you experience attraction, that didn’t sound different than what I experience.”

“Well, being able to talk about this stuff means that it’s possible to find people who experience the world the same way that you do, or at least in a similar way. That’s why I like these labels so much. They help me find other aro-ace people to talk to.”

“Are you saying I’m aro-ace?”

“I’m not going to try to say what you are. I’m not inside your head. You get to describe your experience the way you want to. But if you find that these labels are useful to you like they’re useful to me, I’d be happy to talk with you about it, as much or as little as you want.”

HAPPYPRIDE

I’ve been sick with a cold and I haven’t had a whole lot of energy to draw. I’m started to feeling a little better, so I put this together real quick!

Happy Pride to my Ace and Aro friends, as well as my Allo ones!

Mí Bród sona daoibh! // Happy Pride Month!

[ID: ten images of pride flags with the word ‘bród’ (pride) and heart emojis in the flag’s colours written on top. Pride flags are: 1978 rainbow, oriented aro ace, aro ace spec and aro ace by @aroaceworms, aro allo, aro ace, greyromantic, greysexual, blue red black polyamorous and pink purple polyamorous by @whimsy-flags. End ID.]

[ID as Gaeilge: deich pictiúir faoi bratach bród agus an focail ‘bród’ agus emoji croí sa dathanna seo. Is é bogha báistí 1978, leasmar gan-ghnéas gan-rómáns, beagán rómáns agus ghnéas agus gan-rómáns gan-ghnéas le @aroaceworms, gan-rómáns allai-ghnéasach, gan-rómáns gan-ghnéas, liath-rómáns, liath-ghnéas, gorm dearg dubh il-leannánach agus bándearg corcra il-leannánach le @whimsy-flags na bratach bród.]

Bisexual Pride

[ID: a series of images of two pride flags fused together down the centre. The flags are: 1978 rainbow & bisexual, aromantic & bisexual, nblm & bisexual, nblw & bisexual, aro ace spec by @aroaceworms & bisexual, aro ace by @aroaceworms & bisexual, aroace & bisexual, aro allo & bisexual, greysexual & bisexual, greyromantic & bisexual. End ID.]

Gay pride

[ID: a series of images of two pride flags fused together down the centre. The flags are: @gayflagblog’s gay male flag & green and pink gay male flag, gayflagblog’s flag & greyromantic, green and pink & greyromantic, gayflagblog’s flag & genderqueer guy, green and pink & genderqueer guy flag, gayflagblog’s flag & transgender, green and pink & transgender, gayflagblog’s flag & genderfluid, green and pink & genderfluid. End ID]

Genderqueer guy & genderqueer gal pride

[ID: a series of images of two pride flags fused together down the centre. The flags are: genderqueer guy & genderfluid, genderqueer gal & genderfluid, greyromantic & genderqueer guy, greyromantic & genderqueer gal, transgender & genderqueer guy, transgender & genderqueer gal. End ID]

It’s that time of year again. Let’s get it my funky, little aros and nifty, little arospecs!

Check out @aromantic-official for history of asaw and prompts for each day! Responses to the prompt are tagged #ArosAndArrows and #BeingAromanticIs

[image description: one square with the aro flag as the bacground. Text is on each stripe of the flag. The stripes read: arospec, awarness, week, feb 16 - feb 22, #ASAW2020 #arospecawarnessweek. The text colors are black, dark green, light green, white, and grey respectively for each stripe. End description.]

*there was a brief correction of the end day from feb 20 to feb 22*

I made a thing again!!

@arospecawarenessweek@aromantic-official

Greyromantic Rad slime stimboard for Aromantic Awareness Week! ~ Mod Honey

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