#black models

Otto Linger shot backstage at Paris Fashionweek

Today is my 30th birthday.

I had a whole spiel planned thanking God (Allah) for allowing me to see this many moonrises and sunsets. And, prayed that he allowed me to see many, many more. Because I got work to do. WE got work to do.

But, when my friend posted this photo with the caption #FuckWhiteSupremecy oh, the hatred reared its ugly head. Now mind you, some fucked up shit just happened in the last 48 hours. White terrorists are beating people to a bloody mess, marching for systematic oppression of POC and queers, and people lost their lives. People are hurt. People are tired. WE are angry!

And, this woman had the audacity to tell me that there is ‘no such thing as white supremacy’ and that 'All lives mattered’. When I tell you I went off, I went OFF.

Does she understand that her very mentality is why we are in a bad situation right now? A damn racial war with Number 45???

I told her that my goal, from here on out, with the 30+ years that I have on this earth remaining, with the platform that I’ve built, the people I touch, who listen and are intrigued by my fat, black, and very much so, Muslim body is to dismantle this oppressive behavior and educate on tolerance.

Black Lives Matter doesn’t mean white lives don’t.
LGBTQIA Lives Matter doesn’t mean anti-white.
Muslim Lives Matter doesn’t mean white lives are less.
Immigrant Lives Matter doesn’t mean white hatred.

Stop making everything about YOU! And, listen to what we’re saying. We are hurting. We are dying. This isn’t a joke.

Photo: Velvet D'Amour
Location: Paris, France

IG: Lvernon2000
www.beautyandthemuse.net

I’m emotional (tears + snot nose). So, I’m the winner of the 2017 Gilda Award for my work in creative nonfiction by @kresgeartsdet

I started writing when I was 6. Reading Rainbow was my shit. I entered my first contest then lost, but Levar Burton sent a cool rejection letter so I wasn’t going to stop. In my teen years, my father was never there. Mom was juggling 5 kids from different fathers and no help from family. I sought refuge in stories and other worlds. I was homeschooled, weird and thoughtful, more advanced than the kids my age. My friends were librarians. I’d sit in the library nook for hours and just read and dream of a life different from my own broken home.

I started entering contests. Won a few. I loved Sci-Fi but noticed the lack of black heroines and writers. I set out to be the first and wrote my first novel in college at 17. It was rejected. I wrote 2 more novels and they were also rejected. I blamed it on my color and socioeconomic status. All the successful writers were white and female. There was no room for my fat, black ass. So I stopped and never wrote again…
It was the toughest five years. Can you imagine not fulfilling your purpose? Then one day, when I almost admitted myself to a psych ward, I thought about my life. Like really dug into my core. My passions and talents. I asked myself, “who the fuck are you? Without your ex-husband? Your family? Your friends? Who are YOU?” The response: YOU are words. Stories. After that day, I’ve never tried to get rich or popular from writing. I was going to write for me. To uplift and to make change. If I had to write for free for ever and ever then that was what I was prepared to do.

Now, here we are. Making waves This white photo represents purity, an awakening, a new beginning for me in my career to change the narrative. @Remy_me MUA: @Being_madinah
Dress: @chubbycartwheels

IG: Lvernon2000
www.beautyandthemuse.net

I get a lot praise for being brave. When in retrospect, I’m often times very much afraid, rigid in my thoughts, teetering on the edge of ‘you’ll never make it’. The word 'can’t’ floats around on repeat. I make my own self upset with the negativity. But, on social media everyone looks so happy. Their lives so amazing. A nice, little curated world of fun and adventure and perfectly angled selfies. When I look at the statistics, someone like me should’ve never made it this far…

Yesterday, I had a convo with one of my bros. He told me that he was too old and that most people his age couldn’t achieve what he wanted to achieve. He said that his journey was the beginning of the end.I thought about my own self. And my own negative thoughts I’d been having lately.

I replied: don’t place yourself in a box with other people, with norms or statistics. How do you know you aren’t an anomaly, that you aren’t the one whose gonna change the world? Stop thinking on such a small level. A closed minded level. This isn’t the beginning of the end. It’s the start to the beginning. @yannazazu

IG: Lvernon2000
www.beautyandthemuse.net

Imperfection.
That word never existed for me. I had to be the one who over-achieved, got the highest score, dressed the best, was always the first. I’d almost kill myself just to reach a goal. Then when I got it, it meant nothing to me and I was on to the next.
Imperfection meant failure. That I’d lost control. And control was something I yearned for. Meant you weren’t good enough if you weren’t perfect.
Looking back, I wished someone told me that there was beauty and understanding in imperfection. Asymmetry. That it was perfectly normal to not be perfect. And that I was just chasing my own tail, became a hamster in a cage in a plastic wheel trying to attain something that could never be. @flossyssuitcase

IG: Lvernon2000
www.beautyandthemuse.net

Rejection.

I think I take it much harder than a normal person. Sometimes, I allow that fear of the unknown and what ifs to totally prohibit me from saying something to someone, sending out that resume, or pursuing a goal.
But I always promote “just going for it”, but can’t even take my own advice. I’ve chatted with a few friends about it. “Leah you’re dope, just take a chance.” I sit there like Tina from Bob’s Burgers doing that prolonged moaning thing she does when she gets nervous.
Last week, I redid my little creative packet. This week, I sent some stuff to BuzzFeed, The Revelist, and Refinery29. Not sure what it’ll bring. But I’m just putting it out there.

www.beautyandthemuse.net

This is like my first time legit getting a coupon code. Does that make me insta-famous? Will money magically appear into my depleting bank account? The world may never know.

Anywho, I’ve teamed up with Fashionnova
as they launch their new plus-size lines. I’m always looking for cool pieces with amazing detail, so when I saw this rope corset thingy in the front I was like oooooh this is so Leah V. And also, I’m really digging the long jacket. I’m gonna get several uses out this baby.

If you got some extra funds and want to get something cute for the weekend but wanna maybe save 15% off your purchase than use the coupon code LEAH It works. Honestly. Truly.

www.beautyandthemuse.net
IG: Lvernon2000

Photo: Jordan Hecutsa

On the blog, we get real raw. I talk about my struggle with hijab and soooo much other stuff. Excerpt below to entice you. My hijabis and non-hijabis and people who’ve always been curious about the hijab let’s discuss.

“For me, growing up, the hijab was so closely connected to the identity of being a Muslim woman. We looked down upon girls who didn’t opt to wear the hijab. We called them weak. Ostracized them. Questioned their faith and asked what was so hard about wearing it. I mean, hadn’t they loved Allah? We had been conditioned to predict whether or not you were a ‘good’ Muslim based on a cloth that covered your hair and neck. I fell into that trap, that mentality, until I was faced with the same challenge: to wear or not to wear.”

www.beautyandthemuse.net

IG: Lvernon2000

“If you get told no, no actually means yes if you keep going. All you need is one yes. And once you get the one yes, its over from there. Nobody can tell you anything.”