#bleach funny
Ichigo in a nutshell
Orihime: Technically Robocop is a transformer.
Ichigo:
Orihime: His name should have been Stoptimus Crime.
Ichigo: It’s 4 AM
Kensei, emailing Hisagi: You have attachment issues. Fix it.
Kensei, emailing Hisagi: Sorry for the confusion. I meant your file has attachment issues. Fix it.
Orihime: Can we get a birthday cake?
Ichigo: It’s not your birthday.
Orihime: The cake won’t know.
Bleach Text Posts 17/?
Kensei : Why is the bathroom floor covered in water?
Mashiro: We used a bath bomb.
Kensei: Why would that splash water out of the tub?
[Earlier]
Shinji, holding a pipe bomb above the bathtub: Everybody, get ready to run.
Grimmjow: Here’s the thing though. Is it still a murder if I give them a heads up?
Nel: I think that’s called a threat.
Isshin: I have done the best I could to raise you. Have I been perfect? No! Do I know anything about children? Not really! Should I have picked up a book on parenting? Probably! Wait, where was I going with this? I had a point.
Byakuya: What do you have planned for the future?
Renji:Lunch.
Byakuya: No, long term.
Renji:Oh,uhm… dinner?
Bleach Text posts 19/?
Ichigo: Your right or my right?
Uryu: My right.
Ichigo: Why yours and not mine? We should do my right.
Uryu: Why would you even ask if you’re just gonna-
Rukia: YOU’RE FACING THE SAME DIRECTION, FOOLS!
Rangiku: Drunk me is a completely different person. Do not tell me what she has done or said, that’s her business.
Renji: When you have been vice captain for as long as I have, you develop thick skin.
Ichigo: Red is not your color.
Renji: Red brings out my eyes, prick! *Chases after Ichigo*
Mashiro: Since we are going on this trip, Kensei wants us to go over a few safety procedures.
Kensei: Now, if I get shot, what do you do?
Hisagi: Avenge you.
Gin: My life isn’t as glamorous as the wanted poster makes it look like.
Bleach Text Posts 18/?
Jushiro: I’ll make some tea.
Toshiro: I don’t really want tea.
Jushiro: It’s not really optional.
Ichigo: Byakuya! Byakuya! It’s me!
Byakuya: *Stares at him and walks away*
Ichigo: He must have not heard me. He has bad hearing.
Yoruichi: Must be hard not being able to laugh.
Byakuya: I do have a sense of humour, you know.
Yoruichi: I’ve never heard you laugh before.
Byakuya: I’ve never heard you say anything funny.
Kensei: How are you sleeping?
Hisagi: Like a baby.
Hisagi: Every two hours, I wake up screaming.
Kensei: How is it that every time I show up, you idiots are in a worse situation?
Mashiro: To be fair, you DID leave us.
Renji: Y'all pray for Ichika. Nothing’s wrong with her but I ate her donut an hour ago and she said she’s never smiling again.
Yoruichi: I know you and Soi Fon have this unspoken rivalry.
Kisuke: It’s not rivalry, she’s always just mean to me. And it’s not unspoken, she talks about it all the time.
Keigo: I have one brain cell and it bounces around in my my skull lik a windows screen saver.
Keigo: When it hits a corner, I am allowed one good idea.
Hisagi: Your future self is hating the decisions you’re making right now.
Kira: Bold of you to assume my current self isn’t also hating the decisions I’m making right now.
Riruka: I was crying for three hours! And neither one of you offered me a hug!
Jackie: Alright, bring it in.
Riruka: DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME.
Yukio, under his breath: This is why nobody hugs you…
Szayel Aporro: What are everyone’s kinks?
Tousen: I do not think this is an appropriate topic.
Starrk: Love and affection, hehe.
Harribel: Hair-pulling and mirrors.
Grimmjow: Whips, chains, kitty lingerie, being called dadd-
Tousen: MY KINK IS PRAYING EVERY NIGHT AND WISHING I WASN’T A PART OF THIS CONVERSATION!
Soi Fon: Met a dumbass today, it was awful.
Kisuke: You looked in a mirror?
Soi Fon: Someday you will have to pay for your actions and God may not be so merciful.
Rangiku, nervously:Hitsugaya?
Toshiro: Just out of the shower. Down in a few.
Rangiku: You take your time, you brilliant Shinigami. You hero and role model.
Toshiro: Whatever you broke, fix it or bury it in the yard.
