Genre/warnings:ghost au, horror au, angst, small mentions of drinking but it’s not excessive, mention of possible drug use, mentions of murder
Word count:1,485
Summary: Every apartment building is a little strange, whether it be the residents or the history behind the building. But when Yoongi moves into Westfield Apartments, he finds that both his neighbors and the building itself are more than a little strange.
Genre/warnings:ghost au, horror au, angst, small mentions of drinking but it’s not excessive, mention of possible drug use, mentions of murder
Word count:1,485
Summary: Every apartment building is a little strange, whether it be the residents or the history behind the building. But when Yoongi moves into Westfield Apartments, he finds that both his neighbors and the building itself are more than a little strange.
Christopher ‘Chan’ Bang: A nice guy, but definitely wary of others outside his apartment. Protective. Polite, but seems to be a little nervous all the time.
Lee Minho: Blunt. Makes it obvious he doesn’t want to talk to anyone. Rude, but with intention. Tries to drive people away intentionally.
Seo Changbin: Quiet. Keeps to himself. Doesn’t say much, even when spoken to. Usually out at the bar. If he’s out at night, he doesn’t come back until after sunrise. Must know something.
Felix Lee: Innocent. Naïve. Too kind and friendly for his own good. Left in the dark by his roommates. Probably for the best.
Yoongi had swung back by Jihoon’s to grab the file, quickly scanning through whatever your father had gathered on the four roommates he was about to encounter. He was sure they knew something, but it seemed to be to the extent of whatever Wonwoo, Jeonghan, and Soonyoung knew: there was something going on in the apartment building that they should be mindful and afraid of, but they weren’t sure what it was.
With the file stuffed into a black backpack he was keeping on his back, Yoongi approached 206.
When he knocked, it was Minho who was at the door, leaning against the frame with a disgusted look on his face as he eyed Yoongi up and down.
“And what’re you back for?” he asked, definitely not hiding the fact that he didn’t want Yoongi coming back to their apartment.
“Minho, stop it,” Chan came up behind him, saying the words under his breath forcefully with a stern look. Then his eyes went to Yoongi and he offered a friendly smile. “What can we do for you?”
“Who is it?” Felix’s voice came from inside the apartment, before there was a harsh, “Shh!”
“As if you don’t know…” Minho muttered, rolling his eyes.
Yoongi flashed him a confused look before slowly looking back to Chan, “…D-do you know why I’m here…?”
“You’ve only been bothering everyone and their mother in the building,” Minho snapped. “Whatever the hell you’re digging around for, we’re not having any part of it. Kick rocks.”
“Minho–!”
“Hey,” a new voice cut in.
Changbin came out of the dark apartment that was only being illuminated by a TV screen. He kept his eyes down, only glancing up at Yoongi as he slipped between Chan and Minho, muttering, “Wanna get a drink?”
Not even waiting for an answer, Changbin turned the corner into the hallway and kept walking. Yoongi only glanced at his two roommates as Felix called for Changbin to come back to movie night before the older boy was jogging to catch up.
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Yoongi found himself in a bar on the edge of the nearby city. It was the stereotypical tiny bar that one would see in the movies. It was a little bit of a shithole but it was nice enough for Yoongi to not feel gross drinking out of their glasses. It was also nice enough for Changbin to be a regular considering everyone there seemed to know him and the bartender knew his typical order – Yoongi just got whatever Changbin got.
Changbin had one hand around his glass while Yoongi held his with both to just give his hands something to do instead of nervously fidget.
“Listen,” Changbin finally began after the two sat in silence for a moment after getting their drinks – Yoongi wasn’t really sure what to say because Changbin was pretty intimidating, and he felt like he should wait for the younger boy to start the conversation, anyway, “I know you know things about the apartment. All of us do – ‘cept Felix, and we wanna keep it that way?”
“Why?” he asked, furrowing his eyebrows.
Changbin chuckled, “You’ve seen the kid: he’s too…pure and innocent and happy. Besides, it’s not his fault he’s stuck there. Kid has nowhere else to go so we took him in even though we didn’t want him exposed to what we have been. I feel bad because he wants to leave the room and make friends, but… I’m not saying everyone in that place is bad, but we don’t know who we can trust. That place changes people, we’ve seen it happen. Kihyun got fucked up by something on the fifth floor. Hell, Kibum was never as agitated as he is now. He used to at least be nice sometimes, but now talking to that dude is a surefire way to get your head bitten off. Even…”
He paused, looking down into the liquid in his glass, “Even Jihoon and Yuna were normal when they moved in. But then…Yuna started saying things that were just…weird. She was seeing things that weren’t there and mumbling to herself. She was always talking about these…dark shapes and shadows. Some people though maybe she was just acting normal to make friends but then got comfortable, and she was crazy all along. Some thought she was doing drugs. And because Jihoon was so close with her, he was deemed crazy, too. But…the longer I’ve lived in that stupid fucking building, the more I wonder…was Yuna even crazy at all? If I’m honest, I think she was perfectly sane, but she just had the power somehow to see the shit that’s changing everyone in the building. Maybe I’m lucky because I spend more time here than at that place, so I can see what’s happening. But I don’t know who or what or why.”
“Can I ask…what do you think happened to Yuna?” Yoongi wondered slowly.
“Think she was either locked up in a mental hospital, or whatever she saw got to her,” he stated blankly. “Everyone saw the cops take her out, assuming she murdered _____, but they never investigate any of the other murders here. If they investigated _____’s, they’d know that Yuna didn’t do it.”
“You don’t think it was Yuna?” Yoongi interrupted.
“No,” Changbin replied surely. “They were best friends. I think, like every other murder, that whatever Yuna saw is killing people. I think it’s tied to the Westfields, and they must have connections with the police since they’re not doing anything about it. So they either threw her in a hospital or they let whatever’s in that building get her. Either way, she didn’t deserve it.”
“How do you know all this? And if you know this, why haven’t you just left?” Yoongi asked.
Changbin gave a small, sad smile, “Because it’s…fine. Nothing bad has happened to us and we don’t have the money to leave. Westfield is dirt cheap. We mind our business. If anything, we just wanna get the kid outta there before something happens to him. Me, Chan, and Minho have had rough lives. We’ve done shit we’re not proud of. Felix, though? He’s good through and through. He doesn’t deserve whatever’s going on there.”
“Don’t you want to try and stop it, then?” Yoongi continued. “At least for Felix?”
Changbin took a gulp of his drink before he looked at Yoongi solemnly, “I know you know more than us, and I don’t wanna know anymore than I already do. But we know your intentions are good. But, Yoongi…your actions might be stirring up whatever’s in that building. You’re putting a big-ass target on yourself, and I don’t want any part of it.”
Yoongi leaned in a little closer, his stare intense, “Then who can I go to for help? I really need more answers, Changbin. Please.”
Changbin stared back as he weighed his options, then sighed, looking back down at his drink, “I don’t know who knows what, but Namjoon’s a smart guy. There’s no way he wouldn’t have somewhat of an idea of what’s up with the place. But…”
Changbin paused so sigh, hanging his head, “Look, it’s a longshot he’ll even answer you – and it might even get you killed – but…Jungkook might be your best bet. He was the closest with Yuna so he’d probably know more about everything. But Jungkook doesn’t really talk to anyone anymore. Guy hardly leaves his apartment.”
Yoongi felt a little bit of relief, but also a little anxiety. While he had a lead for some answers, he knew that the closer he got to the answers he needed, the bigger the target on his back became. But he was in too deep now. He had to keep digging.
“Thanks, Changbin,” he said as he put a hand on the younger boy’s shoulder. Then he stood to leave.
Changbin grabbed Yoongi’s forearm but didn’t look at him, “It’s not safe to go back now. I’ll get you a room at the motel I stay at.“
“N-no, I can pay,” Yoongi insisted. “You said you can’t afford to move out, so–”
“It’s fine,” he assured him, “I get rooms for cheap because I flirt with the girl at the desk. Place isn’t much but…it’s safer than going back.”
summary:Some things that are normal for most aren’t normal for you and Yoongi. He moved in and sleeps in the same bed with you, but still all you do is hold hands and kiss gently. Everyone has their own pace. Not everyone lives in the fast lane. There’s just… this nagging feeling. You have to be honest.
warnings: rated M (18+) - mentions of a previous physically and verbally abusive relationship; language; smut (penetrative sex); there’s so much fluff you might die; also RIP to their heads XD; non-idol!AU; music producer!Yoongi x dancing fanatic!reader
rated M because I know how sensitive a topic domestic abuse is.
You retreated your hand from the tuft of hair sticking out of Yoongi’s black cap. He turned around and raised his eyebrows at you. You ended up apologizing before actually doing anything or even touching the little black tail in the opening of his hat. He adjusted the brim and gave you a weird look.
“Something wrong?” he asked, tilting his head.
“No, uh… I…” You struggled to find the words. “I almost touched you. I wasn’t sure if you were okay with that.”
Yoongi smiled a little. “It’s okay. I know you’re there. And I know it’s you.”
He was sitting right next to you at your computer in your bedroom. You had set up a station for him, the two of you in the corner, occupying two computers ninety degrees from each other. All you had to do was turn to the right and he was there. He turned to the left and you were there. It was kind of cramped and not ideal, but it had to do for now. Yoongi worked on music at home. Some things Yoongi could only do at the studio, but some things he could do at home. You found him a decent computer and some hand-me-down equipment and it was good enough.
Actually…
It was miles better than it was before. He was surprised when you asked him if he wanted to work on his music at home. It wasn’t permitted in Yoongi’s previous relationship. But you saw he lamented sometimes, recording demos on his phone and wishing he had some sort of setup to do some things. You didn’t understand the technical aspects, but it couldn’t hurt to ask, right? It had become a fun project and now Yoongi was sitting beside you.
Yoongi spied the images on your monitor. "What are you looking at?“
You turned back. "Apartments. I’m just trying to see if there’s something bigger, so you can have your own music studio at home.”
He bit his lip. “I can’t afford that right now.”
You understood that Yoongi often mentioned money because it was a topic of arguments with his ex-girlfriend. You hadn’t gone into this expecting Yoongi to be rich. In any case, it was better for him to invest in his music. You had already told him this, but habits take time to be broken. Thankfully, your work paid well even though it was mostly clerical duties. There were perks to having worked at the same company for a long time.
“It’s okay. I want a bigger space too."
"You mean you want your dance studio back?” he teased.
You felt your ears heat. “I can use the living room… anyway, I want you to be able to work in peace. I haven’t seen anything good though.”
“Mmm, well, this kind of thing takes time and luck.”
You turned your head to look at him and found his face next to your shoulder. A handsome profile. His eyes shifted to look at you. Something flitted in those dark brown eyes. The nagging feeling came back, tapping inside your ribcage, rattling impatiently. You looked away, back at your computer screen.
Yoongi said your name softly.
“Is something wrong?” His voice wavered. “Did I do something?”
“No, Yoongi,” you replied, still not looking at him. The frustration inside expanded. You knew you had to communicate. You couldn’t not. If you avoided it any longer, you would be growing the seeds of doubt and you wanted Yoongi to trust you. To do that, you needed to be honest.
“I’m horny.”
Silence.
“What?”
You jerked a little in your seat, moving away from Yoongi before raising your head to make eye contact. Your chest felt tight, ashamed, even though it wasn’t supposed to be embarrassing.
“I’m horny,” you repeated, rubbing your fist on your thigh. “I don’t want to pressure you because I know that topic might be delicate. I just…” You kept looking at those wide cat-like eyes and then looking away, heart beating fast and heat building faster. “I find that I can’t really look at you that long without thinking about it. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
Silence. You felt your stomach knot.
“I don’t remember the last time I had sex,” Yoongi murmured. “I don’t remember the last time I wanted it.”
Ah. Right. That would make sense. Of course, that’s how he felt. Also, you weren’t exactly sexy. The octopus dancing didn’t really get the guys, so to speak. You could handle yourself. It was fine. He was just so… You wanted Yoongi to feel good with your touch, wanted his heart to flutter the way yours fluttered, wanted to see him breathless with want.
There was a weight on your thigh.
You started, looking down, breath at your throat. You were wearing loose gray shorts and the matching sweatshirt. Not a sexy outfit to get your freak on. But you were staring at Yoongi’s hand, kneading the fabric and your leg underneath and the heat was rising, heart racing.
“I think I need a reminder…” he murmured. “A reminder on how good it feels to be loved like that.”
Yoongi lifted his head and you stared into his eyes.
He leaned forward and closed the distance, kissing you softly, and you breathed him in, fitting your hand over his, guiding it up, gentle touches, turning in your chair to face him, and he was turning to you, holding you close, your hands skimming over his t-shirt, not trying to get more, just wanting to show your want, just demonstrating how you would run your hands over his skin if there was no barrier, and he stood up, making you stand up.
And then your heads banged together.
“Ow!”
“Motherfuc–”
You swore and Yoongi clamped a hand over your mouth, rubbing his forehead and shaking his head.
“Don’t ruin this,” he winced, removing his hand.
“My brain feels rearranged,” was your woozy response, cursing the narrow space.
Yoongi took your hand and pulled you away from the computers, towards to the bed, the same bed you two slept on, but didn’t touch, not like this. You only held hands or kissed gently. Late at night, when Yoongi was fast asleep, you would stare at his profile and wonder if he felt the same passion you felt, but it was weird to watch him sleeping, so you looked away and stared at the ceiling instead, thinking about him and his body against yours.
And now it was, his arms around you, pressing you to his chest, kissing your lips, cheeks, closed eyelids, making you laugh a little. Your fingertips on his back, tracing patterns, his gasp against your skin, cap falling off and tumbling to the floor, his black hair brushing your forehead.
“T-Touch me more…” he murmured.
He took your forearms and pushed them down, sliding your hands under his white shirt and then it was skin on skin, a needy noise between you two. With burning ears, you realized that was you, Yoongi’s hands on your shoulders as you explored his back, fingertips dancing up his spine, his pants in your ear, and then his fingers in your hair, messing it all up, rolling his body into yours.
Hardness.
You gasped, raising your thigh to press against it, and his hands slid down, and you looked up to see his half-lidded eyes hazy with desire.
“I want to follow your lead, Yoongi,” you breathed. “Any time you want to stop, we can stop.”
He nodded, leaning down to kiss you, deeper this time, tongue sliding in and playing with yours, your hands exploring the contours of his back. His skin, so soft, so lovely, smelling the vanilla and patchouli body wash you used because you shared the same shower and he used all your products. You shared so much with him, but there were some things you couldn’t share. Not yet. Not until he gave you his sign that he was ready.
You never told Yoongi, I love you.
The most precious words used in this world, turned to a poison dagger to hurt him, so you never said it, not until he was ready to hear it, not until he wanted to hear it. You knew Yoongi knew. You would hold his hand, draw a heart in his palm, small things like that, and he knew. He’d squeeze your fingers and smile a little smile and that was enough.
Maybe you were tiptoeing too much, but it was impossible to tell, because everyone is different and not even Yoongi himself knew what trivial actions or words would bring back unpleasant memories. He had spent so long repressing them that it was hard to tell reality from fantasy. He didn’t know what to be afraid of because he tried so hard to make them disappear.
You drew a small heart on Yoongi’s shoulder blade and he gasped, pulling you closer.
“I… like when you do that…” he mumbled, sounding a little embarrassed.
“Draw hearts?” you questioned, tilting your head.
“Yeah… on my skin…”
And then Yoongi surprised you.
He backed up a little and pulled his shirt over his head, taking your hands and placing them on his chest, not saying anything, but you could see it in his eyes, I don’t look very good, and you pressed your fingertips to his chest, over his beating heart, looking up at him.
“You will always be perfect to me, Yoongi.”
He gave you a wistful smile, believing you and not at the same time. “You have weird taste.”
You drew a small heart over his, feeling him shiver at your touch. You grinned brightly. “That’s how you know I’m devoted.”
He chuckled, closing one eye, looking sheepish. You waited, letting him work through the emotion, trying not to put himself down, taking it for what it was. It was not an easy thing to do. You had to be patient. Yoongi took your hand and pulled you to the bed, a familiar environment.
“I want to make you feel good,” he said.
“You don’t–”
“I want to,” Yoongi reaffirmed, looking you in the eye, determination in his tone. “I want my hard work to be the reason you feel good.”
You shouldn’t say it. Well, maybe it will lighten the mood. You struggled internally and then leaned forward, placing the back of your hand near your mouth.
“Hard work is a weird way to refer to your dick,” you whispered closely.
Yoongi burst out laughing, gums flashing, raspy and full, shoving you onto the bed. You bounced, hands flapping about, grinning at you own joke as Yoongi grabbed the bottom of your sweatshirt, yanking it up and over your head.
“This and your bad habit of moving your head at the same time as me–”
“It means we’re in sync!”
“I don’t want a concussion every time we make out,” Yoongi shot back, pinning your arms down and hovering over you, exasperated smile on his face.
He was so close.
Your grin slowly deflated, realizing that he was shirtless and you were shirtless, and Yoongi had you pinned down, gazing down at you with dark eyes and that open-mouthed smirk that was also disappearing, realizing he was on top of you, realizing this wasn’t innocent, realizing he was about to do something that should be normal but was made abnormal to him.
“You don’t have to do it,” you said gently.
“I know.” He looked at you under his black hair, messy and flat from being under the hat, brown eyes and pink lips standing out on his fair-skinned face. “But I want to.”
You always thought that parts of life were boring. It would be easier to fast forward and skip it.
But not with Yoongi.
He leaned down and kissed you, a kiss that you wanted to pause and live in forever, him inhaling you, pressing deeply, hands releasing your arms and cradling your head, his kisses like stars, precious light that brightened your whole world. But you also wanted to press play, kissing him back, your hands caressing his sides, drawing small hearts on his skin, your own heart swelling with the electricity of touching the one you loved, not knowing until now how nice it was, the simple sensation of dancing your fingers up his back and back down, his gasps on your skin, kissing down, down the curve of your neck and the swell of your breasts, so focused that his eyes were screwed shut and his brows were furrowed.
“Yoongi…”
His eyes opened slowly and Yoongi looked up at you with shaking pupils. Scared he was going to fuck up.
“It’s just me. You know, the one who dances like an octopus.”
His expression seemed to relax, turning into ruefulness. “How could I forget?”
“Should I wiggle a bit to jog your memory?” you teased.
“Please don’t.”
Your remark seemed to have calmed him, returning to your breasts, slipping the straps down, kissing along the curve of the cup, slipping his tongue under experimentally to make you jump, heart racing once more, a small smirk on his lips as he reached behind you and unhooked it, releasing them from their prison.
“O-oh!”
You yelped when Yoongi pulled your bra down, kissing your nipple directly, tingles flaring from the kiss, leaving you breathless as his tongue danced out, licking gracefully, slow circles that made you clench your jaw and tighten your core to avoid arching your back to get more. Yoongi seemed to sense your urgency and added more pressure, closing his lips around it, and your hands flew up, holding his head as carefully as possible but holy shit, holy shit, Yoongi’s tongue on you was pure ecstasy and he was doing it for you, showing his love for you and that’s why it felt so good, that’s why it was so fucking nice.
“Ah, fuck, Yoongi…”
He kissed to the other side, murmuring your name against your skin, seeped with desire and affection, pushing your wet nipple with one finger as he kissed the other, two points of pleasure that flowed through you, your gasps turning to moans, his hands coming up and encircling yours, lacing your fingers with his and holding them, whispering, faint, nearly silent, vibrating your sensitive skin with his lips and breath.
And then you heard it.
His whisper right above your heart and you looked down, Yoongi’s eyes looking up at you.
Apologetic for taking so long.
“I love you.”
If someone paused the tape right now, took it out, and your life ended right there, you would be okay with that. If that was the last moment in this world, if that was all that was and time stopped, you would be content.
But it wasn’t.
Play.
You smiled down at him, trying to prevent your voice from shaking.
“I love you too, Yoongi.”
The most precious words in the whole world.
“Should I stop?”
Your eyes widened. “N-no! I mean… if you’re…” You stopped speaking, seeing the playfulness sparkling in those dark eyes, pleased to have tricked you, even if only for a second.
“I’m kidding,” he chuckled, lifting himself up to kiss you lightly. “I only wanted to see if you would be bothered.”
“I am very bothered,” you responded, peeved. “Hot and bothered, even.”
Yoongi lifted a brow, small amused smirk on his lips. “Come to think of it, me too.” He backed up and you lifted your chest, only to have Yoongi press down on your collarbones, worry flitting his face.
“What?”
“Don’t bonk my head.”
You grimaced. “I’m not a serial head bonker.” You lifted yourself up and Yoongi swung his head back, eyes flashing with mock fear. You pointed to the nightstand, rolling your eyes, and rummaged around in the drawer, feeling to the back and pulling out the small box.
“How old are those?”
Your cheeks flushed. “L-Last month!”
“You wanted to fuck me since last month?”
“N-No, obviously earlier, but I didn’t k-know if you ever wanted…” you trailed off, flapping your jaw, holding up said box, the condoms tumbling out. You panicked a little, not wanting him to think you were expecting too much, dropping the box and scrambling to collect the pile, the tip of your finger hitting the box at the exact spot that would cause it to fly off the bed and hit the wall.
You stared at it, betrayed.
Yoongi burst out laughing. “I can hear you talking to it,” he chuckled.
“I’m not saying anything!”
“You wanna fuck me?”
Your head snapped back, eyes widening. Yoongi tilted his head.
“Yes,” you blurted. “Well, yes, I mean, you’re so…” This was awkward. It didn’t used to be awkward but, also, you had never been this invested. Your eyes widened. You were invested in a person. Actually invested, invested in Min Yoongi. You looked up at him and he looked back curiously like a cat, not realizing your epiphany. Oh shit. Now this was even more weird.
Do something. Do something. Not that. Oh no, you’re doing it.
You held up the plethora of condoms. “Pick a card?”
Living alone made you too fucking weird.
“Aren’t they all the same?” Yoongi snickered.
You shifted, putting them back down on the bed. “Ahaha… right…” Your leg pressed against his and you jumped, startled. “You’re hard.”
Yoongi raised his eyebrows. “When gorgeous tits are out, the human body reacts when there is attraction, even if you’re speaking nonsense.”
You blinked at him. “G-Gorgeous?”
Yoongi’s ears flushed pink and he reached over, ripping a condom off the others. “Y-Yeah…” He straightened, scooting back to between your legs, placing his hands on your shorts. “Ah… unless the mood is killed…”
“No,” you exclaimed, hands flying down to the waistband. “It is not. It is alive and well. Very well.”
Yoongi opened his mouth and shut it. Then he opened it again, smiling a little. “I’m beginning to think we are a bit strange.”
“it’s just because it’s the first time,” you rambled. “All first times are a bit strange.”
This wasn’t getting anywhere, so you yanked down your shorts and underwear at once, Yoongi gasping and snapping his head down as you kicked off your clothes, the sharp scent of your arousal suddenly very apparent. You felt your cheeks heat, unaware that you had such a strong reaction to Yoongi being above you, observing your wetness with round eyes, as if to say, I did that?
“Wow.” Yoongi raised his head, black bangs framing his beautiful eyes. “You’re stunning.”
Was it ever like this? Like every word was precious, every lyric in this song meaning more than the words themselves, like every single piece of the composition was perfect, special, everything pause-worthy, even the odd bits, you reaching up to cup his head, pulling Yoongi down for a kiss, him pushing his own pants down, sucking in a breath as your hand wrapped around him, moaning in his mouth, deepening the kiss, more erotic, more intense, his cock throbbing in your palm, getting harder by your touch, Yoongi whimpering in your mouth, backing off slowly, ripping the condom open, sliding it on, and you watching, oh, he’s beautiful there too.
“Thanks…?”
“… Uh, you’re welcome.”
You spoke out loud. Great.
“Do you need some prep?”
“Yoongi, please put it in before I say something stupid again–”
You cut yourself off as Yoongi pushed in slowly, both of you suddenly gasping at the sensation, you already wet enough because you had been thinking about this for so long, morning, night, morning, night, thinking about Yoongi, and if you could, if he was ready to have him inside you, filling you up, and it was happening, happening right now, sinking into you, looking into his eyes. And you could see the amazement, the wave of satisfaction that shimmered through his dark orbs, and the way Yoongi looked at you.
Like he was complete.
“I… oh, fuck…” His eyelids fluttered. “I might not be that good…”
“Are you kidding me, holy fuck, you feel fucking incredible,” you breathed, clenching around him, moaning softly at the perfection that was him, heart racing with every second. Your hands came up and held his cheeks, your breath hot and fluttering upwards. “You already feel so good, Yoongi. You can see it in my face, can’t you?”
His eyes searched yours, looking for the lie, the performance, but there was none, no need to lie when your hips were already slowly rocking into his, creating movement and pleasure, and he fell into the rhythm, complementing you. Your hands dropped and you put them over your head, grasping the pillows, letting out every cry and soft sound so Yoongi could hear and know this was the truth, your legs circling his slim waist. Yoongi bit his lip, breathing hard, whimpering a little.
“I mean… it’s been a while… and you feel too f-fucking good, oh fuck…”
You realized what he meant and you reached down with one hand, jolting as your fingertip touched your clit, rubbing it forcefully, shudders flying through you, gasping at your own stimulation, breasts pressing together, and Yoongi moaned, feeling you constrict and pulse around him, wetter, thrusting into you harder until there was a symphony of sound, heavy wanton breathing, slapping of skin on skin, chasing your climax as Yoongi chased his, eyes locked, almost there, almost there…
At the bridge.
Somehow you both knew the final chorus was coming.
“Yoongi…”
He breathed your name, drawing it out like the most precious word in this world.
You moaned deeply and it rushed through you, shooting up your torso and into your chest, an overwhelming pressure that took you under, making you throw your head back and gasp his name, pressing down on your clit to amplify every bolt of pleasure that made your muscles shake. Yoongi groaned, thrusting into you hard with his own gasp, cock jerking and shooting into the condom, surrounded by your suffocating embrace and you saw his eyes roll back a little, muscles in his arms tense, fingers bunching into the sheets, black hair sweaty and sticking to his face.
Hot breath mixing with yours, heavy pants of shared ecstasy.
“Whoa…”
His dark eyes flickered to yours, pupils blown out, blinking slowly as he exhaled. “W-What…?”
You felt your ears heat. “Oh… uh… it’s never been like that before. I’ve never felt… so much.”
A red flush bloomed over Yoongi’s cheeks. “Me neither…”
“Maybe we’re in love?” you offered lightheartedly.
A small smile grew on his lips. “Yeah, maybe.”
You began to raise yourself off the bed, but Yoongi put his hand on your collarbones quickly.
genre: fluff at the beginning, angst, deals with infidelity in detail (11.5k)
summary: do you think of love when the world is at your fingertips? or a story in which jimin dances on the dangerously thin line between love and obsession.
note: i do not mean to romanticize or glorify cheating in any manner, take this as a work of fiction only.
“we’ll announce the leads now, please come forward if your name is called, and if not, better luck next time” is a simple sentence really.
but your heart wrenched uncomfortably in your chest as you anxiously waited for the results. it was not like your entire life and career depended on those names.
you couldn’t stand still, neither could jimin as your hands wrung behind your backs and your weights kept shifting from one foot to another.
this is it.
this is what you worked and climbed ranks for, in the past two years.
you turned to the side to see jimin mirroring your expression, excitement danced in his eyebrows, but his lips stayed pursed, giving away how nervous he truly was. you couldn’t comfort him even if your hands reached him.
it felt all too familiar, jimin by your side, both of your palms sweaty as you wait for your fate to be recited to you.
‘the black swan’ was one of the hardest theatrical acts to get accepted into, only the absolute top and most talented even thought of auditioning here. once you are accepted, your future is secured, opportunities were expected to fall at your feet so everything is at stake here, especially the pride you both were cruelly robbed off when you first started.
“park jimin” you gasp and jump in your place when his name is announced, a huge grin growing on your face when you realize that jimin got the part he auditioned for; the black swan, the heart of the show.
you could see him trying to hold in his happiness, he still couldn’t scream, not with the officials in the same room and you couldn’t hug him either, so you just squeezed his hand and congratulated him in excited, hushed whispers. he can’t help but smile sheepishly at the floor at how much more excited you look than him and sends a silent thanks to the universe.
but his face immediately falls when he notices how they’ve reached the end of the list and your name didn’t get called.
he turns to look at you with concerned eyes, knowing in his heart how much you wanted this and how hard you worked for it, he isn’t surprised to see the disappointment instantly wash over your face.
everyone starts to leave, some crying, some buzzing with excitement. jimin was just worried because even though you don’t look sad, you wouldn’t look at him as you make your way through the crowd and outside the building, and he follows wordlessly.
he does not know what to do as you sit in the car with your gaze downwards, he knows that any words of comfort would just fall to deaf ears because jimin understood, better than anyone, what this audition meant to you. so, when you curl up on the bed still without uttering a word, jimin knows that he can’t just watch you suffer from your thoughts.
your gaze follows his movements as he gets into bed too, and you almost immediately crumble, reaching for him with desperate hands. he tears up when he hears your sobs against his chest.
this wasn’t how it was supposed to go, you both were supposed to get in together.
the plan was always supposed to do this together, like everything else you have done to this point.
“i-i’m sorry i’m crying like this when i’m supposed to be h-happy for you, i am happy for you jimin, and i’m so unbelievably p-proud. you, of all people, deserved to get that role” you whimper, feeling horrible for dampening his mood along with yours. “don’t be silly, you don’t have to hide how you truly feel, not in front of me.” jimin whispered, caressing your hair as your teardrops continued to soak the pillows.
for a moment, your sobs are the only sound in the room, jimin chooses to remain silent and just stay close to you, but then the piercing shrill of your phone startles you both.
jimin reaches for it, shrugging when there’s no name, and hands it to you. you sit up straight before clearing your throat and answering the call. “hello?” your voice remains surprisingly steady for someone who’s been crying their heart out and jimin just watches as your eyes go wide and your face morphs into a big smile, your hand flies up to your mouth, your eyes darting to him several times as you continuously thank the person on the other line before ending the call and looking at him with renewed energy.
“jimin, you won’t believe this” you shout excitedly as you jump to go next to him, he lets out a small chuckle and gathers you in his arms at your sudden change in mood and bouncing energy, and waits for you to speak. he is more than relieved to see the change in your mood. “what is it babe?” he rubs his fingers over the back of your hand.
“you know the ‘nutcracker’ play, right? the one sponsored by that big studio in france? well, they just called me and they want me to be the senior director for the show! they saw my audition at ‘black swan’ and wanted me to be a part of their play” jimin’s mouth drops open at your words with both joy and awe, being the senior director was something very few actual dancers were offered to be so if they were willing to give you that role, they must have bet a lot on you.
they were not going to regret all this faith they put in you, jimin was very sure of that much.
“see, i knew you would get there, one way or another.” he smiles widely that your hard work was paying off. “but it’s not together” you pout because you and jimin have always been a pair, it is one of the rare sentiments you have developed over the years. “i know, i wish you were my white swan” he sighs as he rubs circles into your hands, “there’s always next time?” you offer with a small smile and he nods, agreeing with you. “next time.”
in the past, even if you weren’t partners for the actual dance, you both were always somehow involved in the same act, either as the choreographer or part of the crew, you just were always in each other’s presence but that wasn’t the case now.
“i’m so excited” you sigh dreamily, just imagining how fun and new it would be to become a director. “i’m sure you’ll excel at it, as you do in so many other things” he kisses your forehead and you resist the urge to bury yourself into him. “i couldn’t have done it without you” you whisper back to him and jimin swears he feels his heart burst at your words, “i wouldn’t have even danced without you” he whispers back to you.
-
jimin takes a deep breath as he walks up to the large, fancy building where he would practice as the black swan. he walks in with confidence, knowing that he’s done his research on what his role entailed and which way he would have to transform for it.
upon entering, he is immediately whisked away to a dancing room with ceilings as high as the sky, he noted that the floor was also polished just enough for him to glide without having to stutter in his step. it’s every dancer’s dream practice room.
“ah there he is, the star of the show” a man, who would soon be revealed as the director of the show, hollers loudly when he sees jimin looking around the room. jimin breaks into a shy grin and the choreographer takes the time to introduce him to everyone involved in the play.
“and our other star, park hyejin, she’s the white swan, also your partner, you both will be working closely with each other so get comfortable, yeah?” the man winks at them as hyejin and jimin bow with a polite smile to each other. “i’ve heard a lot about you mr. park, i’m excited to work on this with you” she compliments jimin who humbly brushes it off with a sheepish smile.
when she looks away, jimin subtly notes how elegant hyejin looks, even without seeing her dance, he just had a feeling that her body lines were always flawless and her posture reflected the prima ballerina she was.
she reminded him of you, a perfect blend of determination and softness was shared in your faces.
he reluctantly looks away and laughs to himself a little, a few moments away from you already had him thinking everything was about you.
but jimin could have never guessed why he actually couldn’t look away from hyejin.
-
by the time jimin gets home, you’re already cooking dinner and dancing around in the kitchen with some jazzy 80’s song playing softly in the background. all of today was great but you are the true light in his day.
he wishes you always looked like this, so full of life and bursting at the seams with happiness.
“i’m home” he announces in a soft voice, face immediately brightening when you throw him backward with a hug. “how was your first day? were you nervous? how were the other dancers? the directors weren’t overbearing, right?” your barrage of questions tumble over each other and jimin just smiles fondly. “well, i can tell you everything if you let me babe.” he teases with a peck to your nose, and you purse your lips with a nod.
“it couldn’t have been better, like you won’t believe how huge their practice rooms are, just imagine our first ever practice room ever and multiply that by ten” he starts, you gasp at his description and patiently listen to every second of his day that he didn’t spend with you.
nor he or you notice that he leaves out the part about his stunning partner.
-
the next day jimin walks into practice, he is taken aback when he sees that hyejin is already stretching in the studio, she lifts her head at his presence and goes up to him. “good morning, mr.park.” he can’t help but feel a little shiver at her smooth voice, he also couldn’t help how his eyes travel across her poised body. now that she wasn’t wearing a flowy dress, her dance practice outfit didn’t leave a lot to the imagination.
he quickly looks away and he doesn’t bother telling her to be informal with him like he usually does with all his partners.
everything about her was so elegant, so put together, that jimin felt intimidated. he isn’t used to having such a qualified partner. not that he minded or anything, he was just always the more experienced one during acts he’s done in the past.
who was jimin to judge anyone’s qualifications anyway?
he greets her as well as he sets his bag down. he thought he was early but clearly not early enough.
during practice, both jimin and hyejin turn red when the choreographer tells them how close they would have to be for the dance. for more than half of the dance, their bodies remain stuck to each other, it’s supposed to symbolize how thin the line is between the black and white swan.
the thin line between love and obsession.
as they get into position, every single one of jimin’s senses is clouded by hyejin, his eyes literally won’t stop darting across her face
she was just so…beautiful.
and she looked so much like you?
why did she look like you when she was in his arms?
the music starts but that isn’t what gets jimin to move, it’s like a mind instinct to follow hyejin’s movements. the second she starts twirling, he pushes his body to follow her, desperate hands just as the black swan reaches the white swan. they don’t break eye contact once and the entire room feels heavy, heavy with their breaths, heavy with the tension growing between them, and for a second, it felt like it was only her and him in the room.
jimin hasn’t feel that way with anyone but you.
“i think you should be closer” hyejin whispers into his ear, with her hand wrapped around the back of his neck, and jimin freezes in his position, he thought they were impossibly close already.
he doesn’t think she’s just talking about the dance.
with a tedious scan of her from head to toe and then meeting hyejin’s sparkling eyes, he follows her anyway, his grip tightening on her waist and she hums in approval.
she sounds like you too.
this feels wrong.
this is wrong.
they start moving again, and jimin just flows with her, just like how he flows with you.
she’s not you but jimin can’t tell the difference between holding you and her. she feels the same, looks the same, sounds the same, and moves her body the same way.
but she’s not you.
a voice screams in his head that the woman in his arms is not the woman waiting for him at home.
“that was perfect, bravo to our swans!” the loud holler from the choreographer freezes jimin once again, face so close to hyejin that he can feel her breath on his face, steady and hot and for a minute, they don’t move. they don’t hear the rousing applause around them, their feet stay glued as they stare at each other and it isn’t until another loud noise around them that he pulls away from her, almost pushing her away from him because jimin doesn’t understand this feeling crawling on his chest.
why did she look like you?
why did she feel like you?
why do his eyes follow her as she walks away to leave for the day?
he doesn’t realize how hard he’s panting until his body starts to bend forward from how tired he feels.
he’s been with partners for dance before, but none were hyejin. he never had to remind himself that you were at home, waiting for him to come back, he never had to remind himself that you were in his life. he never had to actively think of you before, you were just always on his mind.
in a loving, dizzy haze, jimin somehow always felt secure that you were there in his life.
but now, felt scarily different to jimin.
because he didn’t think of you individually even once, not during the whole practice, not when hyejin got unnecessarily close to him sometimes.
he only thought of you when he found traces of you in the woman holding onto him for dear life.
and jimin almost hates it when he enjoys being so close to hyejin, he almost hates how his body jumps to be just as close to her, he would’ve fully hated it if it weren’t for how sweetly she smiled at him each time their eyes would meet.
jimin also hates that he finds himself smiling back at her.
-
you are more than buzzing with energy as you start your first day as a senior director, everyone was so welcoming and warm to you. knowing your experience, they didn’t question any of your suggestions. most of them immediately tried to see if it would pan out and put it into action, and it felt good to work in such a respectable and comfortable environment.
“the dancers should do a different formation for act 2, the same formation looks uninteresting. so try a newer formation, one that is fresh to the eyes, and let me know if there’s something i can help with” you instruct the choreographer who agrees and puts forth his ideas on how that can be improved.
you realized that you liked being behind the camera and below the stage just as much as you like being on it, and looking at the huge stage in front of you reminds you of one person; jimin.
who would’ve known that both of you would grow up to do what you’re doing now?
the ‘you’ from five years ago would have given everything and anything just to get a peek of the stage that you were now directing.
it made you feel warm, that all your pain and hard work didn’t get thrown into a ditch and you definitely couldn’t have done it without jimin.
your eyes stay teary as you drag your feet out of the audition room. it didn’t go well.
you got rejected, to put it nicely. but thoughts of what they said circle your mind in a taunt, ‘you have no talent at all, why did you even think of getting on that stage?’ it was humiliating, a punch to all the practice you did for the audition, a punch to the passion you so strongly held onto since you started dancing.
a soft hand grabs yours making you look up, jimin stands there with his lips set in a grim line and an evident furrow in his eyebrow.
you didn’t have to ask him to know that he got rejected too either.
you both look at each other for a second before crashing into a hug, heaving sobs leaving both your lips as you desperately grab onto him. his hands dig into your sides but nothing hurts more than being denied from something you thought you had.
how did both of you get rejected?
why was nothing ever enough?
you lean back from his face to wipe at his tears and hold onto his cheek, “we’ll get through this, yeah?” after he doesn’t respond, you get worried that your friend truly thinks there’s no hope left. “at 4, meet me in the school’s practice room, let’s practice till no one can say no to us” you say and leave him by himself.
morning comes slowly, and everyone is sound asleep when you slip into the dead night, jimin is already stretching lightly but his eyes are downcast as you approach him.
“it’s only our first rejection and i have a feeling that if we want to continue this, we have to be ready for much worse.” you say softly as you start stretching next to him, his arms fall beside him as he takes in a sharp breath. “i don’t think i can take anymore….maybe i should just stop here” you can tell it’s just his train of thought as he mumbles this but it stuns you that jimin would even think of leaving dancing behind over one rejection.
“are you sure? because you and i both know that you shine the brightest when you’re on stage, dancing your heart out” jimin on stage is a sight to behold, the way he tip-toes and catches the attention of everyone in the auditorium with a simple turn, was no easy feat and you couldn’t let him give up on it.
“it’s hard, i understand, i do. but i’m not letting you give up here, this isn’t the last audition you’re going to take and this is sure as hell, not the last time you’re getting on a stage” your words are stern but filled with warmth, they are directed to you and him. you can’t let him give up and you can’t give up either. jimin is grateful that you’re his friend as he passes by you and presses play on the music.
“you’re right, you always are” he mumbles with a chuckle and you smile with him. he reaches for your hand, giving it a light squeeze and you tighten your grip too.
“let’s prove all of them wrong” you move into position, “together?” he asks, breaking his position to look at you, “who else would it be?” you answer with a smile.
that was six years ago, that was when jimin was still just your friend, but with long hours of practice combined with celebrating your victories and failures together, you were bound to fall in love with him at some or another point. and he was always in love with you.
it was over a couple of bottles of soju and beer after the first time you two got roles in a local theater play, that he confessed to you in a dreamy, drunken haze. you still laugh at how quickly he sobered up when you said you felt the same way.
as you watch the dancers do their routine in a fresh new way, your mind subconsciously drifts to think about jimin and how he must be doing.
you were sure he was doing alright; it was jimin after all. if anyone could fully embrace the role, it was him.
-
contrary to your beliefs, jimin was struggling quite a bit.
it had already been three weeks since they started practicing and this week had been pure torture for jimin. as it turns out, hyejin was the perfect dancer, not that jimin thought otherwise but he didn’t expect himself to not be able to catch up with her. she practiced for hours on end, her body never faltered or missed a beat, while jimin had pretty good stamina himself, his body would give up on him from time to time.
and even if it were minor challenges, the nervousness that comes with starring in one of the biggest drama productions along with the need to stack up to hyejin now, was slowly building on him in a way he wasn’t sure he could handle anymore.
not to mention, he was still trying to navigate through this unusual feeling he had around hyejin, he hadn’t stopped thinking about her since that day, how close they were, how that closeness repeated every day with her. and after tossing and turning for nights on end, he put a label to what he felt for her while you slept peacefully beside him.
he felt attracted to her.
the kind of attraction that was so magnetic, so strong that it made him angry. he was angry that she pulled a move like that on him when she was well aware of his relationship with you.
but.
but jimin wasn’t out of the woods yet either, he not only reciprocated whatever she did, but he also didn’t do anything to dodge or discourage it. if anything, he encouraged her to advance further.
hyejin was slowly proving to be the root of all of his problems.
he sat down in the corner of the dance room after everyone had left, he recalls the disappointment flashing on the directors’ faces every single time he missed or skipped a step, and it placed a stone in his heart.
it wasn’t easy, trying to understand his own feelings while pushing his body to go further and do better.
he can’t lose this role; he can’t give up here but his body and mind are screaming at him to slow down.
he thought that if he got this role, everything would be perfect. he would work on getting a dance studio of his own, run it with you, propose to you and have a family with you, it was all mapped out in his mind.
but he didn’t think that just getting the role won’t help, he’s going to have to fill in the shoes of one of the biggest roles in the industry.
he was foolish enough to think he wouldn’t have to put in too much work to fill them out.
and he didn’t expect whatever was going on with him and hyejin, not even in his wildest dreams.
you were always his ride or die, someone, he could never forget and he hated himself for even looking at someone else through tainted eyes.
he can’t go further with hyejin, not even if it’s maddening to ignore the desires itching at his heart.
his thoughts are interrupted when a soft hand is placed on his shoulder, jimin doesn’t have to turn around to know that it’s hyejin.
“are you okay?” her tone is just as soft as her touch, and jimin looks at her with a bored face, his problems could have never looked more beautiful. “did you forget something?” his rude tone isn’t lost on her but she sits down beside him, which confuses jimin.
“it was hard for me too” she starts and jimin scoffs, he couldn’t believe that she was lying straight to his face. he had seen her practice and she never showed any signs of struggling. “i dance the way i do because i have put in precious time into it” she continues and jimin straightens up to listen to her. “the amount of practice i do, is punishing for my body. i held onto that harsh realization for a while but without punishing it, i can’t do better than i already am.”
it’s grim, love and passion just aren’t enough if you want to pursue your art. there’s always a price that comes with doing what you love.
his respect for hyejin skyrockets as she explains how she dances the way she does, but that’s quickly turned to dust when he remembers that he wouldn’t be this miserable if she wasn’t his partner.
didn’t she feel even the slightest bit of guilt for whatever she was doing?
she knew he was a taken man after all.
“that’s insightful, thanks” jimin’s reply is dry and he looks away after that, he fully expects her to scoff in his face and walk away so imagine his surprise when she giggles at him.
he cocks his eyebrow at her, waiting for her to explain what’s so hilarious about his clear frustration. hyejin sighs with a soft smile before turning to fully face jimin. “come on” she extends her hand to him and he looks at it questioningly, hyejin doesn’t wait for an answer as she takes his hand in hers and pulls him up.
again, jimin tries to convince himself that he doesn’t like it but he does nothing to move away or take his hand back.
“we will practice together and only go home when we can’t move a muscle” hyejin announces, letting his hand go to fix her ponytail and she smiles widely when jimin keeps his hand open for her to take again with a dumb look on his face. “don’t worry about meeting anyone’s expectations for now, just focus on me and the music, you have it in you jimin, you just have to believe your talent here.” jimin melts at her words.
you.
you used to talk to him this way whenever he was down.
oh my god, you.
what is he doing?
for that one second, you are everywhere in his mind, every nook and cranny of his brain crowds with thoughts of you and jimin feels unsteady again, but with one more tug from hyejin, everything he knows about you disappears just as quickly.
when they get close again, she isn’t the first one to smile this time, he already has a budding smile on his lips and it gets wider every second he holds her close to him. once again, they’re face to face and jimin sees you in her.
his grip falters as her grip tightens, her hands leaving his arms to caress the back of his neck before subtly bringing his ear close to her lips.
“we could be bigger together, everyone would die to have us in their show, we could do so much together, just imagine the sheer volume of applause they would shower us with,” she whispers to him and jimin listens like a snake to a snake charmer, he can only hear her.
together.
he believes in together, but that was with you.
you and him were supposed to be big together.
jimin looks at the floor, his arms loosening almost completely from hyejin and she frowns.
why couldn’t he see what she saw for them?
why couldn’t he see that he wouldn’t go too far with you? that with her, he could have the world laying itself in front of him? that together, they could run the industry without lifting a finger?
her last words to him have him convinced, she says it slow, she says it like the challenge she is and jimin finally lets himself say fuck it as he pulls her towards him, he knows from the smirk on her face that she doesn’t feel guilty at all, she rather enjoys it.
but jimin is no better when he matches her smirk.
“don’t fight what you feel for me jimin, you won’t win.”
it was the most perfect practice jimin had ever had.
-
that day, jimin stumbles into your home, feeling disoriented among other things. he can’t believe himself, he can’t believe his behavior, the only thing he’s grateful for is that nothing went beyond some groping.
but he shouldn’t be, that’s a pathetic thing to be grateful for. and it wasn’t innocent groping either, he knew he had done and fucked up everything.
“you’re home!” your cheery voice from a distance makes his step stutter, his heart resting unsettled and forming a dull ache.
how could he do this to you?
his face almost betrays him when you come into view. your smile is huge as you skip towards him, he guesses you had another successful day at work and his heart blooms with pride.
you have always been so good at everything you do, very much like hyejin in that sense.
no, no.
hyejin is like you when it comes to working only, you aren’t like hyejin in any sense though, you wouldn’t play with jimin’s feelings and mind the way hyejin did.
you look so happy, so oblivious to what he’s done and jimin doesn’t feel like he deserves to even look at you at that moment.
but he can’t be too obvious so he accepts your open arms and cheek kisses with a forced, broad smile on his face even if everything in him feels heavy with guilt.
“i got out of set early today, we only had minor things to take care of but you won’t believe how well everything is coming along. oh, and what is that you’re holding?” you grab the plastic bag hanging off his hands, immediately being greeted by the smell of your favorite food; wonton soup and tempura shrimp.
jimin couldn’t stop thinking about what he’d done, so bringing you your favorite food was a very underwhelming way to reassure himself that your relationship will be okay.
you squeal happily, taking the bag into the kitchen and thanking jimin a million times over your shoulder, telling him that you were just getting worried about dinner and that he’s your savior in a silly tone. jimin follows your steps, head hung low because again, you have no clue about what he’s done but he does. he remembers it all too well and has the very sudden urge to wash hyejin’s touch off his skin, but it will be in vain.
“don’t fight what you feel for me jimin, you won’t win.”
“jimin!” he hears loudly, his head snapping up to meet your worried eyes. “are you okay, my love?” you approach him with a slight pout on your lips, and jimin gulps when you hold his hands in yours. “you’ve been awfully quiet, is everything alright?” the soothing circles you draw on his skin and your downturned eyes filled with love, only drown in his heart in more sorrow.
he wishes he could tell you; he wishes he could cry into your arms and beg for forgiveness because jimin doesn’t know what else to do, he doesn’t know who else to go to.
with no response from him, you assume that he’s had a bad day at practice, he usually put himself through a lot of self-doubt and hate whenever he messed up during practice. “let’s eat dinner, yeah? and then we can watch your favorite animated movie, boss baby, would you like that?” he lets a small smile slip at the mention of his comfort movie and you take that as a sign to guide him to the dinner table with you.
as you start eating, you remind him that your anniversary is soon when you gush about these new cakes you two should try out this time and jimin feels sick to the stomach that he forgot about your precious anniversary which was approaching soon, it was always such a big deal for you both.
he might not spend another anniversary with you.
you fill him in on every detail from your play, that everything’s going great, the crew are incredible and responsive to your ideas and vision. jimin lets himself forget about what he did as he listens to you narrate things to him with the most excited look on your face.
“oh speaking of dancers, you never told me what your white swan is like” you innocently shove a forkful of food into your mouth, completely missing the way jimin’s fork falls on his plate with a thud.
he was not expecting that and he suddenly felt like the air around him got hard to breathe, how is he supposed to tell you what his white swan is actually like?
“she’s..alright” he offers with a shrug, trying to act nonchalant.
correction, trying to act like he didn’t kiss her.
you raise your eyebrows at him, clearly with no clue as to why he’s so unenthusiastic to talk about his partner. “is she giving you a hard time or something?” jimin almost lets out a mocking laugh at that sentence, that was one way to put the absolute hell she was putting him through.
but he quickly comes to the grim realization that she only put him through what he allowed her to.
it’s on him.
"no, she’s good at what she does.” she’s good at making me forget that i have to come home to you.
his short and dry responses mildly frustrate you but you don’t say anything, not wanting to make his day worse with your questions.
“jimin, are you sure everything’s okay?” you whisper to him when you’re later cuddling on the couch with boss baby playing in front of you. your concern for him stays from hours ago but he does his best to give you his brightest smile.
“don’t worry about me, i’ll be okay.” you should start worrying about yourself, he bitterly thinks as he kisses your temple and holds you closer in his arms.
who knows how much longer you will stay in his arms?
-
“heading home early?” your set producer asks as you start to pack things up for the day, you grin and nod in reply, there was no way anything could make you hide how excited you were for today.
“now, what’s got you so happy?” the choreographer brushes past you with a teasing smile, “it’s me and my boyfriend’s 6th anniversary today” you reply, the smile on your face never faltering, “boyfriend as in park jimin, right?” you happily hum in response and then everyone on set including the dancers, who are supposed to be practicing, make it their mission to tease you.
someone yells about how he hasn’t put a ring on it after so long and even if you laugh it off, you really do wonder why jimin hasn’t proposed to you yet.
“alright, alright, i’m leaving for today. if you need anything, send me a message!” you wave all of them goodbye and get into your car, the butterflies in your stomach fluttered gently at the thought of spending the rest of the day with jimin. it’s been so long since you spent proper time with him, both of you got so busy with your own work that you barely spent three hours together on a daily basis.
but you were positive that you would make up for all the lost time today. on your way home, you picked up the decorations and food, it was a tradition that jimin would bring the cake and you hoped that he would bring your favorite.
as you start setting up the balloons and streamers, you turn to see the time, it was already half past 7. your face falls into a small frown because jimin should’ve been home by now, you always met up at 7 and finished decoration together.
however, you reasoned to yourself that practice probably kept him late and decided to have everything ready by the time he’s home.
that time never comes.
your heart slips with each passing second that he doesn’t show up, you sit in a pretty dress on your couch with a sick feeling churning in your stomach that something doesn’t feel right, your fingers nervously play with the necklace hanging on your collarbones as you wait.
it was already 10.
jimin wasn’t answering your calls or messages.
you lay on your side and watch the clock tick by, jumping at any sound to see if jimin was home or not, and every sound was anything but him. you felt tired as you watched the minutes pass by.
for the first time, you felt unsure about the faith and trust you’ve put in jimin, it was for a brief second that you questioned every single one of his actions leading up to today but you snap yourself out of it.
jimin would never do anything to hurt you.
right?
jimin rushes out of his car, slamming the door and hurriedly locking it as he adjusts his jackets and makes his way upstairs to your home.
fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
jimin’s internal panic rises with each second, he really doesn’t think he can go lower in life than this. he shoves the key in with more force than he intended and pushes the door open, almost stumbling over his own feet as he makes quick, hurried steps to the living room.
his eyes fall on you soundly sleeping on the couch, he breaths out a sigh and leans against where you’re sleeping and on instinct, starts brushing your hair back as he fondly watches your lips naturally being in a pout.
is he really willing to lose everything he has right now just for a future that he’s not sure will be there?
his hand drops against your hair when he takes in how the living room was decorated in a lively way, he purses his lips as his eyes wander around every detail that you have put so much heart into and jimin felt like he failed you.
he turns back to you as you stir in your sleep and eventually open your eyes. jimin notices the relief flood in your expression when you see him.
“you’re home” you mutter so quietly that if jimin didn’t strain to hear you, it would have sounded like gibberish.
“of course i am” he smiles uneasily which doesn’t go unnoticed by you, but you get up anyway and jimin follows your movements as you sit upright on the couch.
you used to be so sure, that no matter where jimin goes, he will come back to you but something about tonight destroys that belief to tatters. and you hate yourself for going so extreme over one night but you can’t ignore your gut instinct telling you that something was very wrong.
you turn to look at the time.
3:00 A.M.
it was way past the time you and jimin agreed to meet but you didn’t want to ask him why he was late, you expect him to tell you himself, he owes you that much. but jimin doesn’t say anything either and he doesn’t even look at your face as you try to meet his eyes.
“did you bring our cake?” it was a simple question but to you, it was asking him if he actually remembered anything about today.
when he gulps and further lowers his head, you have your answer. and that answer falls like a rock in your heart.
“do you even remember what today is?” your voice is tired and laced with irritation but you don’t speak loudly, you don’t want to fight with him.
please tell me you remember.
“happy….anniversary” he offers pathetically and you want to scoff in his face at his lame reply. you were so excited for today; you hadn’t stopped daydreaming about tonight since a week ago and all of that crumbled down in a second.
“anniversary’s over.” with that, you get off the couch with unshed tears and start clearing the glasses filled with wine from the table. jimin watches quietly, the only sounds in the air being your light sniffles and glasses clinking.
he feels like he should say something.
“i didn’t mean to forget about our day,” he starts and when you don’t look at him as he speaks, he continues with an unsure tone, “practice just got so hectic and we were learning all these new moves at once, they didn’t let me go even when i begged.”
lies.
all lies.
there was no practice today, the choreographer had fallen sick so they just went over routines they already knew and everyone was let go in the early evening.
and let’s be real, no practice lasts till 3 in the night.
you honestly would’ve believed jimin until he said the last part.
jimin never begs anyone, and he was the heart of the show, a highly qualified and decorated dancer, if he wanted to be let off for one day, you know that no one would dare to say no to him.
but you let him lie because you can’t press him for a truth that he’s not willing to give you.
you continue to remain silent, moving to the kitchen and sighing as your eyes fall on the food that’s now cold, and jimin sees it too as he follows you in. the guilt that subdued because of his almost convincing lie returned with a vengeance, all this food must have been hard to prepare and the atmosphere remains heavy as you slide the plates into a trash can with a grim expression on your face.
you can’t shake the feeling of something being wrong, you also can no longer hold back the tears that cascade down your face. jimin is quick to rush to your side, making you sit down and lean against him.
“can you at least promise me that you’ll be there for my play?” you whimper, as you hold onto his arm and jimin nods immediately while pulling you in for a hug.
even his hug feels off to you.
“of course, i will, where else would i be?”
where were you today?
the question is at the tip of your tongue, ready to be released but you don’t say a word, you pat his arm in a signal to release you, and jimin watches with sorrowful eyes as you retreat into your bathroom. once the door is closed, you sink down on the floor with your hand on your mouth to muffle your sobs.
you don’t fully get why you’re crying. you’re tired from running all day and getting things done as quickly as you could to reach home for an anniversary party that jimin didn’t even bother coming to, you felt pathetic for putting in all that effort for nothing.
on the other side of the door, jimin hears your whimpers with downcast eyes and raises his hand to knock and hold you all night. but he pauses with his hand raised halfway, he takes a deep breath before stepping away. he doesn’t think he deserves to comfort you after what he did today.
jimin slowly walks to the huge vanity mirror in your room and pulls down his turtleneck to inspect the dark, blooming red patches splattered on his neck and he hates them.
jimin can’t believe what he’s become.
he can’t believe what he let hyejin do to him today either.
his hand hesitates to reach and graze those spots, wincing at the sensitivity. in some twisted way, he wishes for more of them to stain him but it’s not your mark that he wants, not anymore.
all jimin can think of is hyejin’s fingers brushing on his chest and asking him to stay for the night and how he almost agreed till he remembered which day it was.
he knows you’re hurt that he wasn’t there for the anniversary but your wails are just background noise to him at this point.
jimin can’t believe that he’s going to hurt you even more.
-
you stir as bright sunlight falls on your face, you curse to yourself before burying your head in the pillow with a groan. you still feel tired, and your entire body aches even if you slept quite well.
quite well is an exaggeration really, you kept waking up in cold sweat throughout the night because of dreams in which jimin left you, only after reaffirming that he was indeed next to you, did you fall back asleep.
the smell of fresh bread and coffee fills the air which makes you turn on your back, eyes popping from under the cover to take a look as your stomach grumbles involuntarily, reminding you that you didn’t eat anything last night. you see jimin standing there with a nervous smile and a tray covered in different delicacies in his hands.
your heart flutters as you take in the view, you missed waking up to him.
“good morning” he hums in a sweet tone and you sit up, allowing him to place the tray in front of you, it had all your favorites. you don’t greet him in return, your hurt from last night was still too fresh to forget.
“is this an apology?” your tone is as bitter as you feel and jimin hesitantly sits in front of you. “it’s also my attempt at celebrating our anniversary the way it deserves to be celebrated” he mumbles, albeit shamefully as he pulls out candles to stick on the lovely cupcake sitting in the center of the tray.
something about the sunshine falling on his pastel sweater and his hands carefully lighting the candles as his tongue sticks out a little in concentration, something about that sight is enough to forgive him in your heart. but he doesn’t need to know that.
when he looks up with his breathtaking smile and a gesture to blow out the candles, you almost completely forget what he put you through last night.
“i still haven’t forgiven you.” you lie with arms crossing your chest after blowing the candles and jimin nods in acceptance. “i don’t expect to be forgiven so easily babe but i’ll narrate a scene to you and we can make it happen if you want to forgive me.” he speaks softly, with tender loving laced in his voice as he pulls your hands from the defensive stance they’ve taken against your chest, easily breaking every barrier you’ve built to protect yourself.
“let’s say we go to lunch, it’s in the outskirts of the city, in that restaurant surrounded by vineyards that you like so much. you can wear your prettiest dress and i will try to match up on your beauty, i know i’ll fail but a guy’s gotta try, right?” he says with a teasing smirk, you chuckle bashfully as your entire body leaps in newly regained energy, your heart is already so hopeful.
“and then we can go to that bookstore you like or that ice cream parlor you like, really anywhere you want to go. we can come back home or we can stay out all night and go stargazing by the beach. today, we’ll properly celebrate us, okay?” you are all heart eyes as you nod with the biggest smile on your face and he breaks into a large grin himself at your agreement, putting away the tray and immediately pulling you into a bear hug. “i’ll think about forgiving you at the end of today.” you mumble into his neck jokingly and he breaks away with a playful glare.
“that’s just not fair, what do you mean you’ll just think about it?” he whines with a pout on his face and you giggle at his frustration. “oh, you find this so funny, don’t you?” he narrows his eyes at you for a minute before his hands leap to tickle you, you fall back on the bed with breathy laughter and squeals, jimin joins in the laughter as his hands tickle you everywhere he remembers you to be ticklish.
it all looks perfect. it looks like you and jimin again.
but perfection doesn’t hide what jimin did.
jimin’s ringtone blasts through the otherwise giggly and lovingly dizzy environment. you both look back at the phone, and jimin bundles you in his arms as he sits up to answer the phone. you smile childishly and poke his nose to annoy him as he tries to talk to whoever is on the other line, you don’t notice how stiff his entire expression suddenly becomes through his hesitant chuckles at you.
“wait, right now?” your fingers pause on his face as your smile immediately drops, jimin’s hold on you loosens as he continues to talk, and the rush you felt from before escapes your body as quickly as it came. you get off his lap and drop your head back on your pillow as you hear jimin sigh in agreement.
you should’ve known.
“who was it?” you mumble into the sheets and jimin gulps, “the choreographer” he shows you the call history, you don’t understand why but for jimin, it’s his way of trying to make you believe him.
he knew hyejin would call at some point and he couldn’t risk you knowing anything about her at all so as soon as things got not-so-innocent between them, he saved her contact as the choreographer.
the tension in the air is palpable when you don’t say a word, you don’t need to though, your disappointment is evident and jimin does not know what to say, he can’t say no to hyejin but he feels horrible enough for what he’s doing to you, he was hoping that he could salvage some emotion from today but nothing seems to go his way these days.
“babe…they’re saying it’s urgent.” she says we need each other to lap up the industry.
“just go, jimin” you groan out, you’re frustrated and tired and you just want to know why you can’t have him for one day. “i’m really sor-“ he starts but you’re quick to cut him off. “just go.” your voice is strained and defeated as your heart continues to drown in the disappointment of promises he didn’t fulfill.
he purses his lips and almost has the urge to call hyejin and tell her to fuck herself and scream at her for ruining what he already had.
but he won’t.
instead, he will leave you on your shared bed, all alone after destroying every chance of being with you the same way again. he can’t blame her for the choices he makes because jimin knows what he chose at that moment, it was not you.
it will never be you from now on.
-
for the next couple of weeks, you two barely see each other. frankly, you wanted to fix things as soon as possible, but your work got so much more hectic than you had anticipated. there were so many moving pieces to be decided by you and you didn’t have the time or energy to worry about your relationship but it was always in the back of your mind.
you figured you both would eventually work it out.
“today’s my play, it starts at 6 in the evening” it’s one of the few full sentences you tell jimin in so long. you’re eating breakfast together after a ridiculous time apart and you felt like you had to remind him about one of the biggest milestones in your life.
“i remember, of course, i will be there.” he says with a small smile and you smile back because somewhere in you, you so badly hope that whatever this phase you and jimin were going through, would end soon and you could go back to waking up to his beaming face every morning.
but that hope comes crashing down on you as stand behind the velvet curtain and fiddle with the cloth, trying to spot jimin in the dazzling full crowd.
“hey, did you perhaps see park jimin in there?” you stop and ask a crew member who simply shakes their head and runs off to get everything ready to start the play. even as the music starts, you can’t think of anything else, you barely enjoy the work that you have crafted over the months, you don’t feel a thing as everyone cheers and hugs at the end of it.
he missed your play; he actually missed the most important thing in your life right now.
“oh my god!” you hear someone loudly exclaim which snaps you out of your trance, turning around to see jimin run into the small back room with flowers in his hands. “it’s park jimin, bet he’s here for our director” a hushed whisper passes you by and everyone pats you with teasing smiles as they leave the room but you can’t bring yourself to smile back.
before jimin can even utter a word, you’re already making your way out the door. you are seething with anger, every exhale of yours louder than the previous one as you stomped your way out of the room with jimin hot on your tail.
“wait, i can explain!” he yells loudly as he grabs your arm and you pause because you see a few people from your crew in the same corridor. “you can explain when we are out of my workplace, do you get that?” your loyalty to professionalism slipped jimin’s mind and he hesitantly lets go of your arm, he watches as you politely greet and thank everyone before taking heavy steps out of the building.
“are you really going to not even look at me?” jimin glances at your side profile as you stop at a red light, the air in the car got heavier with each second you two didn’t acknowledge the other. but as you keep waiting, jimin keeps getting more anxious because if your relationship was going to end, he didn’t want it to happen this way.
“i’m saying i’m sorry, i seriously am very sorry for missing your play, it’s just practice got hectic and it completely slipped my mi-“ jimin frantically makes excuses and pauses at his grave error. he knows he’s said the worst thing he could when you turn to him with dead eyes.
“slipped your mind? my biggest career milestone so far, slipped your mind?” you bitterly chuckle and jimin gulps, sinking in his seat. “it’s been very busy” he meekly offers and he knows he deserves the scoff you let out.
“what could keep you so busy, jimin? you didn’t come to our anniversary, fine, it was whatever, i was hurt and i didn’t think much of it because i know how important practice is to you. but i can’t sit here and keep excusing every shitty thing you do and if it really is practice, don’t fucking push yourself so much. and do not expect me to let you go all the time!” he lets you scream your frustration out, it was clear you didn’t want to listen to him. he doesn’t say a word even when you reach home and silently sit on the couch, whatever frustration you felt turned into thin air as you realized what this meant.
“you missed my first ever direction” you whisper as jimin sits down next to you and he pauses, taking a deep breath because jimin really didn’t think he would let it get this far.
“i know” he admits, too ashamed to look at you so he looks at the carpeted floor and shuts his eyes when he hears your breath choking.
he shouldn’t have let it get this far, he shouldn’t have believed hyejin when she said that together, they could turn their lives and careers around, saying he had the name and she had the connections. and it would work, it is still supposed to work.
but how is jimin going to achieve whatever hyejin has promised him if you are not there in his life?
no, no.
heneedshyejin.
he just wants you, for his own selfish reasons.
hyejin made sure to remind him of how he would come running after her if they didn’t continue what they had.
“i can’t believe you didn’t come to my debut as a director, we’re supposed to do everything together jimin, what is going on?” your voice hitches here and there as tears fall down your face because you don’t, for the love of god, understand what’s happening with your relationship.
together; the word used to mean so much to him, it meant a future with you, it meant you to him but now, it’s just another word that has lost its meaning somewhere along the way.
i can’t believe it either, jimin bitterly thinks. he snaps himself out of his thoughts when he hears your sobs get louder.
“hey, hey, come here” he holds your shoulder and presses you against his body, letting you cry into his chest. you hate that you’re crying after such a successful day in your career. the play went perfectly, the crew and audience were singing praises of you but nothing in your personal life was adding up.
“you would never do anything to hurt me, right?” jimin’s heart stops as you softly ask him, looking up at him with teary eyes, you don’t know why you ask him but you need to be sure of that one thing, if not anything else. his hand that was rubbing your arms in an attempt to console you, stop in a jerk and his heart drops to his stomach at the way you’re looking at with so much vulnerability.
“why would i?” he nervously smiles, and even if it would have looked unconvincing to you usually, your fragile heart just accepted the false reassurance he gave you.
he’ll find a way to make it up to you, jimin thinks to himself. someday, he will wake up and think of you as he used to, and not hyejin. someday, he will start writing you love letters again instead of apologies. someday, jimin will find himself that loved you so much and everything will be okay again.
-
you stay home a lot, either worrying about your relationship or attending calls with future acts and partnerships. you felt blessed that at least your professional life was looking up.
but you missed jimin a lot, you offered to watch him practice and meet with his crew, and all those times, jimin immediately refused before backing it up with some lame excuse. you don’t push him though; you know that the play is weighing heavily on his mind with how silent he got around the home but you didn’t know that he was actually thinking of ways to let you down slowly.
he never ends up telling you.
before either of you know it, the day of jimin’s play arrives, he leaves home early and you’re left buzzing with excitement at home to finally see jimin as the black swan on stage.
you hummed as you got ready with a faint smile on your face, you were happy to see the play but you were actually happier that once it’s over, you could finally talk things out with jimin and build your relationship again together. you wanted him to know you forgave him, you consoled the angry part of you that there would be even more to look forward to in the future.
you carry this renewed hope all the way to the grand theatre where everyone looked and were expensive in every sense, the black swan wasn’t open for just everyone, it was a highly exclusive guest list and you couldn’t care less about all the glamours, you wanted to see the black swan himself and his white swan, who you were more than curious about.
you clutch the flowers in your hand tighter in anticipation as you take your seat and the lights start dimming away. and you let out an audible gasp when you see the white swan starting the stage, she’s a strong woman adorned with wings that look as pure as her but you could notice that shift in her eyes, the shift between passion and madness. you watch with wide eyes as she falls down, dragging her feet along the stage, begging the floor and her body to dance again before she’s pulled away.
and that’s when your breath is truly taken away. because jimin enters with onyx wings and smudged black eyes as she is being dragged away, and when jimin twirls on stage, the crowd holds their breath, not a single person wanting to forget how magically he moved on stage.
it’s the next scene that reels you in because the white and black swan are so close, you can’t even tell where the white swan begins and the black swan ends, it’s like the child-like purity and innocence dance right along with the absolute submission to your craft and the consequences that come with it.
you shift uncomfortably at the proximity the two share which was weird, you have never felt this way with any of his other dancers but something about the way they looked at each other, as they moved together, irked you.
but you don’t have time to think, the music becomes louder and louder, invading your senses fully and signaling finality to the play and the swans move quicker, sharper, and closer. your eyes burn with newfound jealousy as they finally leap into the sky, both their bodies remaining graceful even in the air with arms wrapped around each other, only to fall back down together, the music ceases immediately and the curtain falls on their heavy breathing but unmoving bodies.
the theatre is silent for a beat or two, everyone trying to encapsulate the truly terrific performance they just saw, and then the silence is replaced with the loudest applause you have ever heard in your life.
the kind of applause that hyejin promised jimin.
you stay in your seat, still a little dizzy from what you just experienced and you try to ignore the weird feeling in your stomach, trying to reassure yourself that dancing together required the right kind of chemistry and that’s it.
it is not connected to the many nights jimin has not come home, it is not connected to him suddenly insisting to do his own laundry, it is definitely not connected to him missing your anniversary and debut as a director.
it can’t be, jimin wouldn’t do that to you.
but your gut knows that something is terribly wrong and you’ve missed something huge from the past couple of months.
you slowly walk to where the reporters stand, hoping to see jimin and they all chatter loudly, preparing every question in their mind to ask the stars of the night, you nervously hold your bouquet close as you keep walking to the stage.
and your steps pause.
because jimin and hyejin, now free of costumes but with their theatrical makeup, step out from behind the curtains while holding hands with beaming smiles on their faces.
you tilt your head in confusion because jimin’s never held any of his dance partners’ hands when they walk out, your gut instinct pulls at you and just as you’re about to shrug it off, hyejin leans in for a kiss with jimin.
the camera flashes go off, all the reporters wildly shouting at them to pose and your blood runs cold, your body remains completely still as you watch them pull away with adoration in their eyes. you almost recoil from the sight as you feel the breath knocked out of you, you want to get away from this because it can’t be your jimin on the stage kissing someone else.
“are you two finally confirming the rumors?” a reporter yells on the top of his lungs.
what rumors?
hyejin rests her head on jimin’s chest with a happy nod, the questions come in rapid speed after that.
your heart submerges in pure betrayal because this was jimin, he was your day one, he was the reason you fought to stay alive in this industry for so long, he was supposed to be your future, you never imagined growing older without jimin by your side.
you look at jimin, trying to meet his eyes, trying to get him to explain what was happening and why he was holding her the way he was, why was he looking at her like he looked at you? but he doesn’t spare you a glance, he only has eyes for the woman latched onto his torso.
you feel sick.
you feel sick and angry as your vision fills with red.
you see red, all you see is dirty, dark, spilled and stained red clouding your mind and you hate that your gut was right, it’s been right from the very beginning. each time jimin didn’t come, it wasn’t because he was working hard, it was because he bought into every fantasy hyejin narrated to him but you don’t know that.
jimin finally meets your gaze, his heart racing a million miles as he senses the full force of betrayal and disappointment in your eyes, he also sees raging anger which has him looking away from you. even standing here with everything that hyejin promised, jimin doesn’t feel good, he’s like a shell, he doesn’t feel the same warmth in his heart that he does after every performance.
for a split moment, jimin doesn’t want what hyejin is giving him but he hesitates and hyejin always knows when jimin hesitates, so as soon as his grip loosens around her hand and she knows where he’s looking, she tightens her hold and gives him a tight smile.
“i told you, there’s no use fighting me, jimin. not anymore” she whispers sweetly into his ear with a grin, it would look like she was being an affectionate lover but jimin senses the warning in her tone.
so, he resists fighting anyway.
the thing is, jimin could fight, he could search desperately for a part of him that loved you but he chooses not to, he chooses to give you up.
she feels like you anyway and he’s already lost you; he can’t lose everything else too, especially not this loud applause and flashing cameras, jimin cannot risk giving his career up to god.
so when he glances back at you and the crumbling bouquet in your hand with pity on his face, you deem him a coward.
a coward for hiding behind hyejin, a coward for not ending things with you the way you both deserved, a coward for lying every single time you needed honesty from him, and a coward for looking at you with pity when he was more pitiable.
but you can’t help but feel like you were just as much a coward like him. a coward for not confronting him about his odd behavior earlier, a coward for not wanting to know why exactly he wasn’t coming home, a coward for forgiving him for the sake of keeping your relationship intact, and you feel ashamed of yourself.
once it becomes clear to you that jimin wasn’t yours’ anymore, you gather the energy to walk out of the theatre with your head held high because you are not the liar here, you didn’t stomp on someone’s heart so you will crumble only when you’re alone again.
and jimin stays right beside hyejin, while trying to ignore the sinking feeling his heart puts him through as he watches you leave through his periphery, he shudders as the door shuts behind you and he
summary: will you ever be able to get over your crush on kim taehyung?
a/n: this marks the end of the fools universe (which can be read individually)! i’m very overwhelmed and excited for this final part, but i will miss writing this universe a lot, i struggled a lot with this one but i’m happy with the ending, thank you to every single one of you who’s read it, it means the world and more to me, i hope you enjoy this last part a lot <3
“i don’t know what to say, kim taehyung” taehyung hangs his head low as his professor chews his ear out, he really should have just finished his assignment instead of being curious about jin’s love life.
“you are not even close to passing this semester, let alone having a decent grade, i know you take this subject as a minor but it still affects your overall score” taehyung nods at his words, wincing every now and then because he didn’t realize the gravity of the situation until his professor narrates it to him.
“you know that this could potentially harm your scholarship, right?”
“i am aware” taehyung shamefully replies and his professor sighs at him.
“taehyung, as your parents friend and well-wisher, you worked hard for this scholarship and i can’t just watch you throw it all away” taehyung absolutely hates when his professor gets personal with him.
why not just lecture him and let him go?
he can take the harshest words without feeling a lot but the second it gets personal; he feels guilty for slacking off.
and taehyung hates feeling guilty.
“because i know how much this will hurt your record in the long run, i will pass you this one time, only once” as soon as those words leave the professor in a disappointed sigh, taehyung internally cheers but it’s short-lived. someone enters the same classroom and taehyung doesn’t know who they are which is weird considering he knows all of his classmates. at least he thought he knew everyone. he carefully eyes the new person in the room, with furrowed eyebrows and pouted lips, trying to identify her.
“ah, y/n, right on time as always” so her name is y/n.
taehyung doesn’t understand why she looks so nervous but he just assumes she’s just one of those people who doesn’t like being around people.
“you asked me to come, sir?” you trail off, already feeling a blush crawling at the back of your neck with taehyung in the same room.
it’s no secret (to yourself) that taehyung has been your crush since you started university and saw him having a playful banter with the professors and just seeming to have a blast with his friends, he was simply the coolest person you saw, and that led to a hopeless crush on your side, but you also know that he has no clue about you.
and suddenly being in the same room with him, you feel flustered and intimidated, not in a bad way, more so in a ‘wow, you’re even more gorgeous up close’ way and your hands don’t keep still, they keep shaking with a mind of their own and your head is nothing but a fumbled mess.
“yeah, your assignment was perfect, you covered every important point but still managed to make it easy to read, keep it up, y/n.” you stay silent with the praise you get as your professor hands your graded assignment with a smile on his face and you bow before taking it from him.
A.
you sigh in relief and look up to notice taehyung giving you a weird expression, and you didn’t know what to make of it, you were sure you didn’t look that ugly today nor was your hair a mess, today had been a good day, looks-wise for you but then again, you imagine that a guy like taehyung has higher standards.
taehyung, on the other hand, just couldn’t understand how you don’t react to the praise or the high grade, if it was him who got an A, he would be busy getting smashed in some bar but your nonchalance confuses him.
whatever, he’s got a failed semester to care about right now.
“and right, you asked me if you could tutor someone for extra credit?” the professor asks you and you nod in response, you need that extra credit for your scholarship to hold for the next few semesters, and a little extra money from it wouldn’t hurt you either.
“yes, i did”
“what about him?” the professor points to kim taehyung and your eyes widen, but it seems like you’re not the only one taken aback because taehyung immediately turns to the professor with a frown on his eyes.
oh, he does not like the idea.
you can’t help but be a little disappointed when he looks that annoyed over this.
he doesn’t even know you so you can’t exactly blame him but his reaction makes you internally wince.
“you didn’t even ask me” taehyung complains noisily to the professor and you just keep your head low, deciding to talk only when you’re spoken to.
“you really don’t have a choice here kim taehyung, you are failing and only passing because i passed you, and the least you can do to improve is get a tutor, i would be grateful if i were you, y/n is one of the best students we have.” you feel a little bashful with all the praise you’re getting, the professor is always this way with you but you can’t take it gracefully with your crush is standing right there.
but it’s just dawning on you that you have to tutor him, your crush, actually spend time with him, help him out and improve his grade, spending time with him is the only thing you could think of right now though even if it both terrifies and excites you the slightest bit.
mostly terrified though.
“fine” taehyung surrenders with a not-so-subtle glare thrown to the professor who really couldn’t give less of a shit by the looks of it.
“good, you two can work out a schedule together” the professor says dismissively, grabbing the papers off his desk and his bag, nodding at you two and leaving the room.
the room felt suffocating with taehyung’s heavy mood and your inability to defuse it, you are supposed to discuss the plan with him but you’re not going to initiate it, you don’t want to seem that desperate, besides you think it’s better to leave him when he looks annoyed, you don’t want to accidentally piss him off.
so, you quickly turn towards the door and speed walk out of the room, taking a deep breath and leaning against a wall outside the room, you didn’t expect this from the end of your day. seeing taehyung from anywhere closer than ten feet away is definitely not what you expected and your heart is still pounding from being in the same room as him, you feel warm all over and you don’t know if you feel elated or embarrassed.
-
you groan and take your glasses off to rub at the bridge of your nose, classes were a drag and you have work piled on for the weekend, it’s not like you had any plans but it would have been nice if you could rest for a bit, and the lunch in front of you isn’t helping at all. it doesn’t look appetizing and smells old, you are not even sure if you can eat it.
“what’s up?” you hear from right beside your ear making you gasp and flinch, moving away from the sound and your glasses slide off the table, making a clattering sound that makes you flinch more.
“woah, calm down” you lift your head to see taehyung standing there with a huge smile and your eyes widen, he picks your glasses up and holds them out to you, you take them back with shaky hands and put it on yourself.
when did he get here? you usually notice when he’s in a room.
“you scared me” you mumble and push your glasses up, unable to look straight at him for more than a few seconds, you don’t think you can handle that, so, just imagine the way your heart jumps to your throat when taehyung takes a seat right beside you.
“didn’t mean to do that, sorry” he smiles brightly as he leans his face on his propped-up hand and sits wide-legged in front of you, his knees are brushing over your legs and if he noticed, he doesn’t care about it but you do, you care about the way your heart slips continuously when his skin carelessly touches yours.
he definitely looks like he is in a better mood than he was a few days ago.
“it’s okay, did you need something?” you look down at your food, picking at it with a small whine caught in your throat as you wait for him to answer.
“we need to discuss our schedule” you raise your eyebrows at him, you thought because he never got in contact with you again, that he simply just didn’t want it and you brushed it off, thinking it was probably better for you too, your crush on him was embarrassingly huge and you know how nervous you will get, so you were relieved when he didn’t try to contact you.
“i thought you weren’t doing it” your response is as nervous as you feel.
“i wasn’t but i don’t have a choice” he chuckles awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. he looks ridiculously attractive in his simple oversized t-shirt and cream-colored trousers and his awkward habit is endearing, your cheeks flush as you look away from him and back to your food.
“can we talk about this after i’m done eating?” you never really prepared yourself to have a conversation with him so you just wish he leaves you alone for now and comes back when you’re not feeling and looking like shit.
“you’re going to eat this?” taehyung murmurs in disbelief, side glancing the less-than-appetizing food in your tray.
“i don’t have a choice” it feels weird to repeat his words to him but from what you can see, he doesn’t think too much about it which is a huge relief.
“yes, you do” he says with a sigh, getting up and you look up at him with scrunched eyebrows.
“you’re coming to lunch with me and don’t worry, it’s my treat, one of many now that you’re my tutor” he grins easily at you, grabbing your backpack from the seat and eagerly waiting for you with bright eyes and his entire posture is relaxed, like having lunch with a stranger is totally okay with him.
is this what extroverts are like?
why was he so comfortable with you? this is your second time meeting and you didn’t even speak directly the first time.
it didn’t seem like he was asking you to come either, more like just waiting for you to join him, so you get up with a stammer in your step, anything that is not your college lunch is something you would welcome happily and lunch with taehyung doesn’t seem like a bad idea, not yet.
but you’re nervous, though one thing that saves you is that you have always been good at hiding how you feel.
taehyung smiles at you one last time, so easily, so beautifully, like it wouldn’t make you stutter, before turning around and leading the way, with your backpack slung over his shoulder, you feel too shy to ask for it and that you will probably stutter through your words when you speak to him, so you just silently follow him out of the cafeteria, ignoring the weird looks you two got on the way out.
you cautiously step into the classy bakery that taehyung takes you to, he tried to make conversation on the way but your answers were so short that even you felt embarrassed, taehyung though, didn’t look like he cared, if he found you awkward, he didn’t show it and you were grateful to him for that.
“namjoon hyung is the manager here, so i can get us a pretty discount” he winks at the end of the sentence, obviously as a joke but you can’t help how flustered you feel with a simple wink.
you are eating lunch with your crush who you thought was way out of your league, is something you have dreamed about, you never actually expected to sit across taehyung as he talks animatedly about how good the coffee and desserts are here.
judging by the fruity and addictingly sweet smell that fills the air around you, you don’t question his praise, your own mouth waters at the thought of the pretty pastries you see lined up right at the counter and the coffee bean smell is so soothing, you might have just found your favorite place that wasn’t your apartment.
a waiter (you can’t believe he’s a waiter with how handsome he was) comes up to you both but taehyung already seemed to know the guy who groaned as soon as he saw taehyung, taehyung leans back lazily in his seat with an ever-present grin on his face.
“why do you come back with a new girl every week?” the pouty guy whines at taehyung and your eyes widen with your head still down, so you’re not the first one he’s brought here, it was foolish of you to think so as well and taehyung playfully swats at the guys arm, his grin unwavering and you only purse your lips at the empty table.
god, you want to run away.
“order whatever you want” he gestures to the menu and you quickly scan over it, a low squeal in your throat when you see that they have your favorite, pho and fudge brownies. you lift your head to tell taehyung to see him in an animated conversation with the waiter, nudging him from time to time and just looking like he was having the time of his life, like he always does, you lightly tap the table to get his attention and he immediately abandons the conversation and leans over, making you move back at the sudden movement, he only seems amused by your reaction.
“you’re a little quiet, so i just wanted to listen to you better, what did you decide on?” he explains simply and you can’t help but gaze into his eyes as he keeps them steady on you, for someone like him, eye contact isn’t a problem, isn’t a big deal but it makes your heart pound, you nod slowly and mumble your order, sinking back into your seat.
“excellent choice, pho and brownies for two, and is it alright if i order the drinks?” he turns to you for confirmation and once he’s received a mumble of agreement, turns back to the waiter.
“two peach iced teas” and with that, the waiter leaves but not without smacking taehyung one last time. taehyung pretends that he’s in a lot of pain and winces childishly which has you holding back a smile as the waiter shakes his head at him before disappearing to the back, your eyes curiously follow him to the counter where all the desserts are laid out.
taehyung is quick to catch your wandering eyes and finds it funny that since he’s met you, the only time he’s seen you smile is when you’re looking at desserts.
“you want to take a look?” taehyung walks towards the counter, which has you trailing behind him. you slowly take in the view of all the chocolate pastries that could be in your stomach and taehyung stays right at your back, watching you move around excitedly and admire them.
“are you into baking or something?” he finally asks after five minutes of you moving around him with big, fascinated eyes.
“no, i just like to eat” your answer comes out before you can even think about it and you only realize it when taehyung breaks into a chuckle at your words, making you shuffle on your feet, clearing your throat and looking back at the especially good-looking tiramisu.
“are you always this quiet or is it just with me?” the question takes you off guard, and you think taehyung is upset but there is no hint of frustration or annoyance on his face, only genuine curiosity.
“i don’t like to talk much, it’s nothing against you i promise” you try to reassure and be as honest as you could.
“that’s a relief” he smiles and walks back to the table where your food is waiting, you walk back with a bounce to your step because you haven’t been this hungry in a while. and as soon as you sit down, you reach for your steaming bowl of pho and sigh in bliss.
taehyung notices your exaggerated reactions to your food and simply smiles to himself.
something about you, he likes it, he doesn’t mind being the only one talking the entire time, he doesn’t mind how you only seem to talk when spoken to, it’s new to him, he’s always surrounded by people just as extroverted as him, so this isn’t something he’s used to but taehyung doesn’t mind.
taehyung doesn’t mind at all.
-
you walk home with rosy cheeks that day, because you can finally confirm that taehyung is just as charming, just as care-free as he looks, and he’s very good company, usually people get annoyed that conversations with you feel one-sided and you don’t blame them but it’s freeing with how comfortable taehyung tried to make you feel.
it isn’t very good news to the crush you already have on him; you feel like it’s grown ten-fold. and it’s only the second time meeting him, you are nervous for your poor heart which jumps with every glance he gives you.
and with the schedule you two planned, consisting of meeting up almost every other day because taehyung simply wants his grades to not be on the ground, you are sure that your heart only will go through so much more.
your nerves don’t calm down as your legs bounce up and down below the table at the library you’re sat at, your lip hurts from how much you’ve bit it as you anxiously look around for taehyung who is yet to show up for your first tutoring session. you can’t look like this in front of him so you’re doing whatever you can to be as normal as you can be.
you have to get over him at some point, you can’t tutor him while giving him heart-eyes.
“hey!” a bright greeting comes from behind you and you almost fall out of your seat, your elbow slips on the table and your chin hits the table, as if scaring you at lunch back then wasn’t bad enough, you begrudgingly think and groan at the pain on your chin.
taehyung does nothing to help and just sits down beside you with a happy hum, his books dropping in front of him in a heap and his smile doesn’t budge even when you glare at him while rubbing your chin.
“do you have to scare me every time?” you whine, your chin already becoming sore, you’re in enough pain to not have the mind to worry about how stupid you just looked. he simply shrugs at you.
“do you have to get scared every time?” comes his almost immediate retort and how will you argue with that logic while processing how close these library seats are next to each other? your reply comes with a roll of your eyes, though you’re sure that your cheeks are as warm as the sun blaring outside.
taehyung finds absolute satisfaction and amusement from your reaction and it shows in the way he leans back proudly in seat as you pretend to jot down notes, at this point, you don’t even know what you are writing anymore but you’re writing.
suddenly, just as you’re about to finally stop acting like you’re busy and get back to him, your glasses are snatched from your face and you don’t even have to look to see who took it. taehyung twirls the glasses in his hands with a smug grin, and then puts them on, wiggling his eyebrows and pouting every now and then. and you feel your heart burst with how cute he looks.
if it was anyone else, you are sure you would have hated it. but it’s taehyung and you don’t think you could ever hate him.
you watch with curious eyes as he gets all serious and grabs a book, writing with an invisible pen furiously. you tilt your head because you don’t quite understand what he’s doing.
it takes quite a second to dawn on you that he’s actually imitating you.
“look at me, i’m y/n, star student” he squeals in a high-pitched voice that most definitely is not yours.
your mouth falls open in offence, and even before you could think about it, you swat his arm with a loud complaint leaving your lips, as he laughs at you, pushing your hand off and continuing to act like he was you. you groan and throw your head back in annoyance, though you really don’t feel as annoyed, you just feel a hundred times more comfortable with taehyung now.
after a string of complaints from you, taehyung finally gives your glass back but instead of just handing them back to you, he slides them on your face himself and you feel every bit of you twisting and turning at the simple action. you cough awkwardly into your hand and turn away from him, moving your books out of the way so you could get started.
“which subject do you want to start with?” as a response, taehyung drops a thick book right in front of you.
art history.
tricky but you can work with it.
“okay, how much do you know already?” you ask him and he thinks with lips pushed into a pout.
“can i be honest?”
“of course.” you nod at him.
“i know nothing, i slept through all the classes” he admits sheepishly and you giggle a little at his confession.
of course, not to be creepy or anything but you knew about this, you have unconsciously turned to see him in class more than a few times, only to see him passed out on his bench with his backpack covering his head.
“that’s alright, one thing that’s helped me with art history is memorizing it all like a story” you let him in on your secret, you always envision history like a story book, or a tv show that you’re invested in, thinking up characters in actual scenes, it helps you remember a lot better than just book material.
so, you tell him the same thing, you start explaining in brief various parts of print culture, origins of different eras, the rise of modern art that we usually see today, and artists that revolutionized the world of art, all in the form of a movie that taehyung intently listens to.
you didn’t expect him to listen as well as he did, but he stays quiet for the most part, politely lifting his hand to ask questions like he was in an actual class which made you grin the first time and taking notes when something seemed complicated.
by the time you’re done, it’s almost dinner time and the library is much emptier than it was before but taehyung still looks excited to learn more. it’s endearing how he listens to you like nothing else matters and makes you feel the tiniest bit special.
“that’s it for today” you announce with an exhausted smile on your face and taehyung stretches his sore limbs while yawning.
“that was a lot but it is more fun when you explain it” he drops the compliment casually, no regards to how that makes your nerves dance in sheer excitement.
“i’m glad you enjoyed it” you mumble shyly while packing your books into your bag. you get up, throwing it over your shoulder and look at taehyung only to see him already looking at you.
“i’ll go now, goodbye taehyung” your voice unwillingly pitchy at the end.
“goodbye, y/n” he repeats in the same tone as you and you roll your eyes yet again while walking away from his gleeful laughter and right outside the library, you break into the biggest grin ever, the butterflies in your stomach raging and tumbling over themselves because you simply can’t believe that the last couple of hours are real.
how will you ever get over him?
-
you groan as you plop down in your seat, you slept weird last night and your neck cramp still hasn’t gone away, your body aches all over, you don’t even know why, walking feels like you’re carrying a million stones and honestly, you would be anywhere but here if you had the chance.
there’s still a good 20 minutes left before class starts so you rest your head on the table and pray that you aren’t sick, you still have taehyung’s class today and it would be rude to cancel on only your fifth session with him.
just then, taehyung walks into the classroom, seemingly bustling with endless energy, surrounded by his friends who are just as bright and loud as he is, and with your head still on the table, you admire him. he’s wearing this red hoodie today and his hair looks very soft beneath, a quick thought that he looks perfect to cuddle comes to you and you want to slam your head on the table to stop thinking about him.
he suddenly glances around the room, as if he’s looking for someone and you try to lift your head from the table to look away but you feel way too weak to do anything so he catches your gaze, his face breaking into a huge grin as he waves at you gleefully, you slowly wave back, mentally wanting to disappear.
and you think that’s it, he will go to his seat and you will have to finish this class while looking like you’re going to die any minute.
but you were so wrong.
as soon as your hand drops back on the table, taehyung starts walking towards you, where his usual seat is definitely not there and stands right beside you with a worried look on his face.
“oh, hey” you try to cover your face a little more with your hoodie and your heart gets caught in your throat when taehyung pulls a chair to sit right by your side. you look like crap right now and the last person you need seeing you like this, is kim taehyung.
“you don’t look okay” he mutters with scrunched eyebrows and before you can say anything, he presses his hand to your forehead and your eyes go wide as he flips his hand and holds it there for a second.
“you’re literally burning, how long have you had a fever for?” he pulls his hand away and you finally feel like you can breathe again.
“i don’t know, woke up sick” you strain your answer, your head lulling back to fall on the bench, now that he’s confirmed you have a fever, you feel even sicker.
“come on, let’s go” taehyung gets up suddenly, gathering the books on your table and shoving them into your bag, then taking your backpack and his in one hand, looking at you expectantly.
“go where?” you frown up at him, class is going to begin in 10 minutes now, where could you possibly go without missing it?
“i’ll take you home” your mouth drops open at his words.
“but class is going to start” you try to reason but get interrupted with your own cough and he only looks more concerned.
“you shouldn’t care about class with a fever like that” he scolds lightly, taking your wrist and helping you up to stand, and you almost fall down in a slump again if it weren’t for him holding you.
maybe you are sicker than you thought.
“what will we even tell the professor?” you almost shout at him as he pulls you towards the back exit of the classroom, and when the two of you are out, he checks to see if there’s anyone else in the hallway and turns to you with a coy smile.
“who said we’re telling them?” is the last thing he says to you before he ducks and runs, pulling you with him but you don’t stop him or complain anymore, you know that it’s not only because you’re sick everywhere, maybe the thought of skipping classes shouldn’t have excited your tired body that much but the thought of skipping classes with taehyung made your body flush in new-found energy.
so, you let him pull you all the way out of campus, ducking here and there when you see a teacher or person in charge, giggling at each other with wide eyes only to shush each other the next second whenever there was a narrow escape, whispering your address to him part-by-part and him having to support your sick body from time to time.
even if it was wrong, and something you promised to yourself that you would never do, skipping classes with taehyung, with his hand securely around your waist (that had goosebumps trailing on your skin), even just as an acquaintance to you, felt better than anything you’ve experienced in your life. hell, he didn’t even feel like an acquaintance anymore, whether it was because of your raging crush on him, or just taehyung being taehyung, you’re not sure.
the pure adrenaline in your body had you gasping for more, more of what?
you are not sure.
you two eventually make it to taehyung’s car in the parking lot. he gently pushes you into the passenger seat and slides into the driver’s seat, only to find you knocked out with your head on the window. and with one final look at your peaceful face, he drives away with a fond smile of his own. taehyung doesn’t know what he’s feeling either.
and the next time you open your eyes, you feel just as sick and it’s late afternoon and you’re in your bed, still in the clothes you wore to college, you sit up too quick, instantly whining at the throbbing in your head while looking around with confused eyes.
when did you even get home?
“oh good, you’re awake” taehyung emerges at your door, seemingly out of nowhere and you jump in your place, clutching at your heart as you look at him with a gulp.
“w-what are you doing here?” you ask as he stays at the entry to your room.
“you fell asleep in the car and i didn’t want to wake you so i found keys in your bag and brought you up here, i hope that’s alright” he looks nervous for the first time since you’ve met him as he waits for your reaction with pursed lips. he doesn’t want you to feel uncomfortable with the situation, he just couldn’t wake you when you were both sick and looking as cute as you did in your lilac hoodie.
“did you..carry me? all the way up here?” you mumble worriedly.
“of course, how else would i bring you?”
wow, he says it so simply.
“you really didn’t have to do all of that, i’m sorry if it was a lot of trouble, i really appreciate it, thank you taehyung” you say with disbelief clear in your voice and with your jaw slightly slackened because you really can’t think of anything but a mental image of taehyung having to carry you because your lazy ass fell asleep in his car and didn’t get up. and you really want to bury yourself six feet under.
“can i come in?” he asks, polite as ever and you don’t even think before nodding, he slowly walks inside, sitting right by the edge of your bed, maintaining distance between you as if he didn’t put you on the bed himself.
he reaches forward and puts his hand against your forehead, and you feel your breath being taken away just like the first time and he hums while pulling it away.
“it’s better than before but sleep for the rest of today” he instructs you and gets up from the bed, you don’t want him to leave. something in you wants to make taehyung stay by your side but you don’t have anything that will make him stay so you just watch him walk himself out of your room.
“i got a few pills, they’re in your kitchen, you shouldn’t move around right now but take them once you get up, and don’t worry about it, i need my tutor to be healthy and well, don’t i?” he winks at the end of it as if to finally nail your heart to him only and then turns to leave with a loud goodbye and a wave of his hand.
you go to the kitchen after he leaves and just like he said, pills for headache and body aches are spread out on your tiny dinner table, along with packets of instant soup. you feel overwhelmed because even people who are close to you, have never done so much for you and taehyung did, taehyung did all this after just meeting you a few times.
and you’re left, head in hands, with so much to process that you don’t know where to begin.
-
taehyung never came late to your tutor sessions or waste too much time, sure he still fooled around, his favorite thing to do being constantly taking your glasses off you and playing with them whenever he gets too bored or snatching your books away and forcing you to talk about anything that was not related to your studies.
you still felt bashful the first day you met after the whole sick episode, but he didn’t even bring it up, just continued with everything like it didn’t even happen which you were grateful for, though a little disappointed, because that is the most anyone has ever done for you and you wanted to thank him properly even if he said that lunch at his favorite place would suffice for him. but you were also sure that you would end up accidentally confessing to him if you brought it up. so, you just never brought it up either.
you talked a lot, mostly about things that had nothing to do with subject but you enjoyed them, taehyung valued and respected your opinions, actually listened to you when you talked so you were comfortable to be not as quiet as you usually are, still shy but holding a conversation as much as you could and taehyung would pick up anything you left, starting a whole new conversation with whatever, you handed him.
it wasn’t hard for your crush on him to only escalate further, not when he looked as good as he did from a side angle, it was honestly unfair that he looked stunning with a simple shirt and trousers. he looked good in anything, and what he looked like during your studying sessions, was something you always daydreamed about.
like right now.
“are you even listening to me?” a hand waves in front of your face, and you jerk in your place, quickly sitting up straight.
maybe you shouldn’t daydream about him when he’s beside you.
“um of course, i was” you lie easily with a firm nod to make it further believable but taehyung is sadly too good at detecting honesty or lack thereof. so, when he continues to stare at you, a way of making you say it yourself, you can do nothing but oblige.
“alright, i didn’t listen to you, what were you talking about?” with your admittance, taehyung leans back in his chair with a smirk.
“what is it?” you urge him once again and he shrugs.
“you know, we started with art history, right?”
“yeah, we’ve almost covered everything, at least i think so” you tilt your head as you mumble those words, reaching for your planner where all the topics are written, and you start looking through them to see which ones you still have to cover.
then the planner is snatched from your hands, and you follow the planner with a whine, bending over your chair to reach it and it isn’t until you feel someone way too close to you that you pause to see your position. you are half leaned over his chair and one wrong move could end up with you on top of him, you immediately sit back in your chair, tightening your fingers on your cardigan and frantically pushing your glasses up.
taehyung, thankfully doesn’t look uncomfortable, maybe a little shocked with how wide his eyes were but that was it, he quickly recovers and gives an easy smile.
“i have a test tomorrow” why is he smiling about that? doesn’t he hate tests? you quirk an eyebrow as his smile only grows bigger.
“how do you think it will go?”
“about that, if i do well, don’t you think that, as my tutor, you owe me something, a reward of sorts?”
so, that is why he’s smiling so big.
normally you would refuse blatantly and move on, but you can never say no to taehyung and you want to at least hear him out before you turn him down.
“if you do well” you emphasize and he waves his hand like he isn’t worried about that, but you are worried about what he would ask of you.
“come to a party with me” his request is simple enough.
and you’ve been to parties, only to completely hate it unless you got drunk enough to forget it all the next morning. though it has been quite a while since you’ve been to one.
a party with taehyung? taehyung, who probably knew every single person in the room while you don’t know anyone at all?
“only if you get an A” is your predicament, taehyung has improved a lot but not enough to get an A which is why your predicament is perfect, you’re not saying no but you’re not saying yes either.
but taehyung looks confident, with a light shrug to your rule like it didn’t mean anything at all, it only scares you a little bit that maybe your rule will be useless at the end.
“i’ll let you know when i get the grade”
-
“i got an A!” comes taehyung’s cheerful voice through the phone and the first thing you feel is pride bloom through you because he must have worked so hard to get that A, you were sure it wasn’t easy at all for him and the second thing you feel is dread, because this means you have to go to the party now.
“you did great, taehyung” you sincerely reply and you hear his sigh of happiness which makes you smile too.
you’re happy that he’s happy.
“you know what this means right?” his words laced with cockiness that come from his first ever A.
“i’ll never leave you at the party, you can get as drunk as you want and i will be your ride” he says almost immediately after as if he knew that you were going to find some way to get out of this, and you internally groan because he’s made all the promises that could convince you.
and like mentioned before, you can never say no to taehyung.
“when is it?”
-
“you look great!” taehyung compliments you as soon as you get into his car and you feel yourself freeze at his good-natured comment, only being able to shyly nod at him.
but if you had to choose on who looks good here, it would definitely be taehyung.
he was wearing a fashionably torn t-shirt with a leather jacket and tight dark grey jeans which had you feeling even more flustered than usual, he was usually attractive but today, you were sure that he was planning to take someone home, it would be a shame if he didn’t. he hands you his pale blue hoodie to hold, saying he brought it if he ever needed a change and trusted you to keep it away from drinks that can stain it, gives you one last smile and drives away.
the party was roaring even from the outside, people littered around the lawn, holding their drinks and you could hear the music all booming under your feet, you nervously pulled on the hem of your black dress as you went closer to the addictive but disgusting smell of alcohol and sweaty bodies.
so many people.
taehyung gripped both your arms on the sides as you gripped his hoodie tight in your hold, and he walked behind you, silently guiding your steps and greeting people joyfully on the way, it was a shame that you could only hear his happy voice but not see him under these alluring lights, you were sure that he looked better than ever under these blue and purple lights that made everyone look untouchable and beautiful.
“who’s the girl, taehyung?” someone shouts at him and you keep your gaze steady, not even wanting to turn around to see who yelled it, you anxiously wait for taehyung’s answer.
“my tutor” he yells back with a grin and you assume that the person has gone when taehyung gets right back to pushing you two through the crowds, apparently not noticing how your shoulders immediately slouch at his answer and how you aren’t even walking anymore, just being pushed around by everyone.
and for the first time since you’ve met taehyung, you feel disappointed.
you know now that your growing crush on taehyung will only end in your heartbreak.
he could have said you were a friend, or even an acquaintance, he’s been in your apartment for fucks’ sake, you would have been okay with anything really but the way he described you just made you feel so…unimportant. like you held no significance in his life, just another person for him to forget as he goes to spread his arms around the rest of the waiting world.
and you can’t be mad at him because you know it’s true, you are just tutoring him, he’s only doing this because he has to and not because he wants to, and as soon as this obligation expires, so will your time with him.
“hey, you okay?” you feel him whisper against your ear, hands still tight around your arms and you’re suddenly too aware of how close you two are, it hurts, being this close to him and not being able to call him anyone special to you, hurts a lot more than you imagined.
so, you shake his grip off, if you aren’t important to him, you will make him nobody in your life as well. you have to.
“yeah, i’m fine, where are the drinks?” try as you might, your voice just didn’t carry the softness it always has and even if you tried to conceal your sour mood, it didn’t work because taehyung immediately raised his eyebrows but shows where the drinks are anyway. you walk away from him, not really bothered anymore that you didn’t know anyone here, you just wanted to do exactly what you planned for.
drink and forget.
because taehyung just handed you rejection on a silver platter.
and you can’t take it gracefully when he’s right beside you. so, you had to go away before you could remember all the things you liked about him that could keep you pining.
taehyung felt…weird? he didn’t understand why you suddenly stopped talking to him in that sweet tone that comes naturally to you, he also doesn’t understand why you’re walking away from him to fend for yourself in a party where you don’t know anyone, he doesn’t know if he has done something to upset you and he felt…guilty.
taehyung felt guilty for a reason he didn’t know.
and taehyung hated feeling guilty.
to shake his own weird feeling off, he disappears into the crowd, to find anything or anyone who can drown his guilt away.
after a few shots of straight vodka, you find that you are not getting drunk at all, it’s either your overwhelming emotions that keep you from completely losing it or just your high tolerance.
it sucks because no drink is stronger in this place, you want to go home, you want to go back to when you didn’t come to this party where taehyung called you nothing to him. while he didn’t say that exactly, he definitely implied it. just then, you see him approaching you with a girl on his arm, no surprise there and you almost rolled your eyes at how predictable he could be.
“we’re playing this game; thought you would like to join?” taehyung trails off.
how nice of him to include his charity case for the game, you bitterly think to yourself but get up to go with him anyway, you can’t leave until he decides to go so you might as well play some game instead of wasting more alcohol that does nothing for you. so, you hop out of your seat and walk to him, greeting the girl next to him, you can be bitter to him but not to this girl who’s done nothing, she smiles back and then you’re leaving the kitchen.
you don’t say anything as you walk behind him into a living room where people sit in a circle, it’s noisy, there’s a bottle in the middle and you hate that you know what’s going on here.
it looks like a recreation of your middle school birthday party.
taehyung sits down, patting the spot next to him, and you look around to see if there’s place anywhere else but with nowhere else, you sit down beside him and the girl who he has with earlier is not around you anymore. he still looks at you, confused as ever and once you get comfortable in your position, he takes his hoodie from your hands and covers your bare legs with it which has you looking away with a red face.
he was making it so hard to get over him.
by the time you look back at the circle, it starts slowing down and your jaw drops open when it falls on you and taehyung.
everyone starts cheering at the bottle claiming its very first victims, and you never feel more out of place with people you don’t even know cheering you on to kiss taehyung and as for taehyung, he has a huge smile on his face which has you squinting with confusion at him. he calmly takes the hoodie from your lap, lifting it and pausing when he sees your face.
“trust me?” he whispers to you; his voice is almost drowned out in the loud music and people around you but you still hear it.
you shouldn’t trust him, you don’t want to but you don’t have a choice in this room full of unfamiliar people, so you just give him a meek nod which no one else notices.
then he drops the hoodie over the top of your heads, your bodies moving closer on their own accord, his palm now resting on your bare thigh and you’re face to face with the man you can’t get over no matter what you do. the heavy hoodie resting on your heads forces them closer as well, you can feel his breath on your cheek and he smells addictive this close, like cologne and pure sin with candy on his breath.
will he kiss you?
taehyung doesn’t say anything, just looks at you like he’s trying to figure you out, like he needs to figure you out, for the first time, he doesn’t look as confident, he doesn’t look full of life, just looks at you with such vulnerability like he’ll give you his heart if you stay under for too long, and your nerves and body are too frozen to even dare to look back at him.
after a few seconds which really felt like eternity, he pulls the hoodie from on top of your heads, the cold rush of air pushing you two apart, baring you to the waiting people in the room who roar and cheer louder than ever when taehyung smirks at them, you know that he’s just doing it for show, he didn’t actually end up doing anything at all even if you wished hard that he would.
but then you feel eyes on you, speculating, judging, confused eyes all over you because who are you and why did kim taehyung pull you under a hoodie when he usually just kisses people in front of everyone? you hate the attention, you hate the amusement at your flushed state in them, and you can do nothing but revert your gaze to the floor.
“stop making her uncomfortable and spin the bottle already” an annoyed voice emerges from the crowd and you snap your head to look at where it came from, to see a girl who glares at the people staring at you, they quickly look away at her words, reverting their attention back to the game, and when she catches your gaze, you send her a grateful look and she smiles back at you.
and you feel better.
then you’re reminded of the man beside you, who covers your legs once again with his hoodie and you feel your face heating up all over as you replay the events that happened a few minutes ago.
that was so intimate.
you pull at the hoodie resting on your lap, trying not to think of how much more gorgeous taehyung looked up close, losing all interest in the game still being played around you, you also feel slightly insulted that taehyung would do all that but not kiss you, you know that he wouldn’t kiss you but it was embarrassing to be so close and not do anything at all.
did you repel him that much?
“let’s get you another drink” taehyung mutters, getting up from his sitting position and dusting his jeans off.
“game’s not over” you point to the still spinning bottle in the middle and he shrugs.
“i don’t wanna play it anymore” you don’t either, so you leave the circle as well, more people replacing your seats as quick as lightning. taehyung hands you a drink once you get into the kitchen and no words are exchanged between you two as you stand against the counter, sipping your drink and him on the other end of the counter, not even drinking anything, just looking into empty space.
the silence is suffocating, it’s new for the two of you, especially new to you because taehyung never seems to shut up but he isn’t uttering a word.
“is that kim taehyung?” comes a loud, dare you say annoying voice with a chuckle from the entry of the kitchen, taehyung quickly stands upright and gives a bright smile.
“hey man, it’s been a while” they give each other a side hug as the guy lazily smiles at taehyung.
“last i saw you, was at the studio with min yoongi and someone else” the guy starts to think and taehyung visibly tenses up at the mention of a studio and your interest is peaked, because taehyung has never mentioned a studio to you.
“it was probably namjoon hyung” taehyung answers the guy and he nods in recognition.
“you guys are still doing that music shit? i thought you would give up after a week, my man” your mouth drops open at the rude tone of the guy, he’s clearly patronizing taehyung who freezes in his spot, his usual smile immediately dropping from his face and you are the only one in the room who notices how tight his fists are by his arms.
it’s also the first time you’ve seen taehyung without his usual grin. you don’t like it; you don’t like this guy either.
taehyung isn’t a confrontational person nor is he someone who gets into a fight easily, for as long as you have known him, before and after tutoring him, one thing you know for sure is that taehyung avoids fights, not because he will lose but because he would much rather just enjoy his time instead of wasting it on people who don’t deserve it.
“i mean, come on, what do you guys even know about music to do it? just finish your degree like the rest of us and get a proper job, music won’t keep you alive in the real world” the guy says it like he’s doing taehyung a favor, like his advice would save taehyung’s life and taehyung just stands stiff, clearly upset.
“taehyung, can we leave?” you interrupt the conversation and both heads turn to look at you, you don’t know anything about taehyung and his music but you don’t want him to deal with this guy anymore either. taehyung immediately nods at you, looking relieved.
“now, who is she?” the guys lifts his eyebrow at you with a smirk, raking his eyes over you shamelessly.
“you don’t need to know, you fucking prick” you dead pan at him, even surprising yourself with your harsh tone and taehyung snorts at the guys annoyed face, walking to you and guiding you out of there with a hand on your lower back. you snapped because not only has this night been overwhelming, you also just can’t stand people as ridiculous as him, how dare he say anything about taehyung at all.
taehyung would be the biggest liar if he said that he didn’t find that hot, he knows how much you would prefer being away from people and situations like that and he almost expected you to just stand and watch but the second you talked back to the guy for him, taehyung has had this overwhelming sense of ego take over him because you wouldn’t do that for anyone but you did it for him.
and as he keeps looking at you, taehyung realizes there’s a lot that you do for him, that you don’t do for anyone else, you snuck out of a class for him, he knows that rules are something you stick to but you let them go for him, you went to lunch with a practical stranger for him, something you would never do with another classmate, you came to this party for him and if it weren’t for how nervous you looked under that hoodie, taehyung would have kissed you, there’s nothing else he’s wanted to do more.
thinking about all of this means only one thing to him, taehyung likes you, more than a friend ever will, he doesn’t think he’s ever seen you as just a friend, not when your head lulled back and forth and fell on his shoulders the day he carried you to your apartment, taehyung doesn’t worry about a lot but he was worried about how sick you were and when he contemplated kissing you every single time you met up to study, taehyung knows he’s been a goner for you.
taehyung likes you, he wants to be with you and not have boundaries, he wants to see you let loose fully, he wants you to kiss him whenever you want to and his hand around your waist tightens at his realization.
after becoming aware of the hand on you which carefully weaves you through the crowd, you quickly move away from his touch, walking through the crowds by yourself, and taehyung follows you with an evident frown on his face.
he just thought you two are alright but he’s proven wrong with the distance that gets further between you two and he can’t help the disappointment flooding his chest. and again, guilt, the guilt that has stayed with him since you left him hanging at the door, why the guilt though? he doesn’t know.
you get into his car with a sigh, already relieved that this night will be over soon and you can just ignore everything from tomorrow and taehyung doesn’t drive away, sits there with his hands on his lap and a grim expression. you look at him for a few minutes, you have a million questions about what that guy said, about whether it was true that taehyung does music but you bitterly remember your place in his life, a tutor, which is why you don’t end up asking anything.
“taehyung, we need to go” you remind him and he nods slowly, lifting his head to grip the steering wheel tightly and sighs once again, letting it go.
“do you have to go home?” he turns to you with anxiousness on his face that you don’t recognize, he almost looks desperate? lost even, if you had to describe.
“where else will we go?”
“can i take you somewhere?”
“it’s my apartment, i have to show you something, i’ll drop you as soon as we’re done there, i promise” and when it looks like you’re going to refuse, taehyung immediately adds this part and you are even more confused.
if you’re just someone tutoring him, why does he want you to come to his apartment?
“fine” you mutter and fall back on the seat, annoyed at yourself for not being able to say no to him even now and shut your eyes before you think too much about it.
-
“come in” taehyung moves out of the way and you walk into his apartment, it was just big enough for one person, and covered in beige and shades of autumnal colors that give it a warm feel.
“your home is pretty” the compliment leaves your lips before you can stop it and taehyung gives you a softer smile than the one he usually has.
“thank you”
upon further walking in, you see a messy living room with papers thrown around, a desk covered in similar papers and a computer with a music system sitting right in front of it.
bingo.
the obnoxious guy at the party definitely wasn’t lying about the music part.
when you turn around to see taehyung, he looks so much smaller than he normally does, he looks nervous, he’s fidgeting and playing with his fingers and it takes you completely off guard. you’ve never seen him like this.
“what did you want to show me?” you ask, not going any further into the apartment and standing with your arms crossed. he doesn’t utter a word as he walks over to you, pulls your folded arms apart and holds your hand which confuses you and fills you with warmth at the same time.
you can only stare at your intertwined hands as he pulls you forward.
what is happening?
you are only brought back to reality when he places you on the chair in front of the computer and you look back at him with a frown.
“it’s true, what the guy at the party said, i do make music and i didn’t want you to think that i don’t plan on telling you” he mutters from behind you with fiddling fingers and it feels satisfying that you are not the nervous one this time.
so, taehyung does do music and you are impressed, very impressed because you feel like it’s a very emotionally taxing process and takes a lot of bravery to actually spill your feelings into ink, you could never do it which is why it’s a hundred times more admirable to you.
“so, i wanted to play you one of my songs?” he says it in a question and you stay quiet, both grateful that he’s showing you his work and even more confused because again, he called you his tutor not even two hours ago, you don’t understand why he’s showing you all this.
“why are you showing me?” the question tumbles out of your mouth in a disappointed sigh.
“because i trust you” he answers simply, ignoring your widened eyes and looking through his computer, all while leaned over your shoulder, and no matter how many times this has happened, his body brushing against yours leaves you breathless.
he purses his lips as he presses play and you instinctively lean towards the computer as a soft song starts thrumming through the room.
“on my pillow can’t get me tired sharing my fragile truth that i still hope the door is open
‘cause the window opened one time with you and me now my forever’s falling down wondering if you’d want me now?
how could i know? one day i’d wake up feeling more but I had already reached the shore guess we were ships in the night night, night
we were ships in the night night, night.”
your mouth stays agape as you listen to taehyung’s voice, which is steady and deep and pushes all the way to your heart, and the song just feels so warm, like the beautiful end to a bright summer, there’s sadness but desperation more clearly written in the lyrics and you can’t believe that you’re sitting in front of the man who’s singing it.
“did you write this?” you ask quietly as the song continues to play and you see a nod from the corner of your eye and your admiration for taehyung grows ten-fold, as you listen to his voice in complete awe, if his voice is deep usually, it’s a lot deeper and more soulful when he’s singing. and whoever he’s singing this song for, you are jealous of them, you don’t know them but you’re jealous of them.
“do you like it?” he pauses the player before another song starts and how do you tell him that you might just be in love with him and everything about him?
“it was beautiful” you compliment, albeit a little bitter that it isn’t about you and taehyung looks a mixture of pleased and relieved at your words.
“who is it for?” you can’t help but ask him as you stay seated.
“no one, it’s just a story i’ve had on my mind” you sense only honesty in his words and it further impresses you that he can weave a story and put life and love into it.
“of two people in love?”
“of two people falling in love.” he corrects you and it dawns on you that a story of two people already in love would be a lot different than two people discovering and falling slowly but surely.
“did you have fun making the story?” now that you know about his music, you are only curious to know more about it and taehyung is more than happy to indulge you.
“it’s…different, making a story of two people, no one that you know, but giving them emotions, giving their emotions a journey and putting it into words in a proper way, it’s hard but i enjoy nothing else more.” you only listen to how taehyung describes songwriting because you still are in awe at how much passion he holds when he’s talking about music.
one out of many things that you loved about taehyung was that you could never just expect something to happen with him, he really played his own drum and did whatever he wanted to do, consequences are an afterthought to him, and it’s refreshing, it’s also so rare which is why you truly think he’s one of the most precious kind of people. like who would have known that the party would end this way?
“that’s very cool of you” you smile at him and he grins back, moving away from you to take his stuffy jacket off and you already miss being encompassed in his warmth. you get up from your seat, thinking that you will have to leave soon now that you have heard the song.
“should we go now?” you ask him, not actually wanting to leave but knowing you can’t stay either.
“there’s one thing left to do” he says with pursed lips, coming back to where you’re stood and you frown at him.
“what is it?” you question as he starts walking to you with determination in every step, taehyung doesn’t want to lose his courage before he reaches you.
“what?” you ask again, a little breathlessly this time, your breath getting uneven and the butterflies singing in every end of your nerves when he stands right in front of you, looking down on you while biting his lip slightly.
and his hand comes up to take your glasses off, you feel completely bare as he carelessly throws them to the side and then curls his fingers around your cheek. while smiling, he doesn’t give you an answer, just closes the distance between you two with a single, large step and pulls you to him with his hand firm on your waist.
“i hope you don’t mind” is his cheeky comment as he caresses your cheek once before he does what he couldn’t do at the party.
everything falls into place perfectly to you; your hands grip his thin t-shirt to stabilize yourself and his hands grab onto your skin like he will go insane if he doesn’t feel you. you are hot all over, your body shaking a little with the overflowing love and affection you throw into each pull of his lips. you gasp for breath once he lets you go a little, gazing into your eyes and you return a dazed look of your own, but you aren’t given a break when he pulls you back in again, chasing after you like you will run away if he lets you go for too long.
but taehyung doesn’t have to worry, you aren’t going anywhere.
and frankly, you don’t mind this at all.
-
the rest of the night is just taehyung playing you more songs and a lot of kissing, neither of you confessing but kissing each other like your life depended on it and if taehyung doesn’t like you the way you do, you don’t think you will ever be able to move on from his addicting scent and touch.
you toss and turn on taehyung’s bed, you ended up staying after he insisted in between kisses and you were too weak and lost in the moment to refuse, he ended up sleeping on the couch and that gave you plenty of time to think about last night. you got up way too early and after freshening up, you just couldn’t face him, you didn’t know how to so you stayed in his room.
what did it even mean to him?
was it just one of those kisses you blame on too much alcohol?
you groan and stuff your face into a pillow as you resist the urge to scream, if you were confused before, you simply don’t have a clue anymore, the line between friendship and relationship between you and him was so blurred, you don’t even know if it existed anymore.
and if he was going to kiss you, why make you feel so insignificant at the beginning?
“you really shouldn’t think so much this early into the day” you jump when you hear taehyung’s amused voice at the door, he looks just as gorgeous as always even in the morning.
“i blame you for it” you retort as you sit up, he falls on his bed while stretching, letting out a loud yawn and you smile at him, you like waking up to him.
“i told you i will take the couch” you tell him with slight guilt as he continues to stretch his sore body.
“that’s fine, next time we’ll just sleep together” he looks up at you with a smirk and you turn stark red at the suggestive tone, reaching for the pillow behind you and throwing it on his face, letting out a loud laugh when he lets out a yelp of pain.
“speaking of that” you purse your lips as he stops stretching and looks at you with his usual bright smile which flutters your heart just like the first time.
“what are we?” you ask him, gesturing between you two, the question lays heavily in the a
this place that looked so bright and full of life, made you feel like the loneliest person in the world.
seoul.
a place where everyone seemed to know everyone and no one at the same time, this maze of a place is what you would call home for the next year and so.
being a transfer student was hard enough on its own, being an introverted art transfer student was even harder. all the friends who came with you had already found home in the people around them and in the places they chose to live in but you were stuck here, in this admittedly beautiful apartment, but even as beautiful as it was, you didn’t have anyone to fill the silence in the air around you.
your friends were good people though, they knew how hard it would be for you to adjust which is why they constantly spent time with you but you have urged them to not bother with that anymore, they’re in a new place with a treasure box full of memories and fun to unbox and you are no one to hold them back.
and loneliness isn’t an unfamiliar feeling, so you don’t feel too down about it.
but you do wish that you had someone to open your treasure box with, someone who sits beside you as you unpack the stories you would tell in the future, someone who would be the main character in your stories, the one who knows everything about you, someone who listens to the dreams you whisper into the night.
you had simple dreams.
your dream was to escape the cage you put yourself in.
and you’ll get there, your hope is flickering and exhausted but it exists, it urges you to breath everyday even if it’s hard, even if you want to run away and never talk to anyone again, your tiny light of hope that you’ll reach your dream, is what keeps you alive.
besides, seoul has too many pretty café’s, bakery’s, and skylines for you to give up here, you would rather give up in a place where everything is mundane and monotone, kind of like your home before you came here.
your hands lay limp beside you as you take a break from molding your sculpture, the clay drying on your hand feels uncomfortable, the night keeps getting colder as midnight strikes, and you feel tired in all aspects but that isn’t a valid excuse to the world, and it is especially a lousy excuse to your teacher who will grade this assignment in a few months from now.
you have just a few months to finish this intricate design of a woman falling down, you’re half-way done with her head but your mind doesn’t let you imagine what a descent would look like, a descent of a spectacular woman like the one you’ve made deserves to be show-stopping and you can’t come up with it.
what made you think that being an art major student would be a good idea?
you are clearly not cut out for it and the consolation and peace you used to feel every time your hands moved to create something is largely absent from your recent works, you feel like you can’t do anything right these days.
you are so cruel to yourself, even when the world is enough cruel to you, you press yourself to feel more pain, to hurt yourself a little more and you feel utterly useless in this large world filled with talented people.
art used to be your thing, it used to make you feel like a blooming flower during spring, it used to make you feel like you’re having the wildest party all in your head and it broke your heart into many more pieces when you didn’t feel that rush of emotions anymore.
you loudly sigh and check the time; it’s a little past midnight and you can only guarantee your safety if you start leaving now considering you want to take a ride to han river before you head home as well. you arrange your supplies in the right order and wave goodbye to the unfinished sculpture, grabbing your bicycle and then you’re gone in the wind.
the world doesn’t seem as cruel with breeze flying through your hair and your hands tightly wound on the bicycle you’ve rented for the time being, it was cheaper and you needed a way of transport in this expensive city, and you don’t like buses even if they’re more accessible, you prefer your lilac bike.
han river is one place that feels like home in this cold city, it’s the one place you will let yourself get lost in, you screech your cycle to a stop and step off the bike, there’s not a lot of people in sight, a few couples here and there, some people walking their dog and then your bench. well, it’s not your bench but whenever you’re here, it’s always empty and you just claimed it as yours but this time, it’s not.
you squint your eyes as you walk your bike to the bench, the usually empty bench seems to be occupied by a tall man, who doesn’t seem to notice anything around him, his cap is lowered just enough to cover his eyes and his stature is slightly slouched over, you only notice a notebook on his lap once you get close enough.
“is there anything i can help you with?” a gentle but deep voice breaks your train of thoughts and that is when you realize you’re staring at him, you panic and quickly bow in apology, palms already sweaty at having to come up with an excuse.
“i-i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean to stare, this bench is usually empty which i was confused that’s all, enjoy your night” you bow again in apology, eyes squeezing shut, you want to run away and never come back, even your safe place has an embarrassing memory attached to it now.
“no no it’s okay” he lightly chuckles and you feel grateful to the kind stranger.
“if you want, there’s place for one more” he pats the empty space next to him and finally lifts his head, with his cap no longer getting in your way, you almost gasp at how handsome the man is, his eyes especially, you don’t think you’ve seen more beautiful eyes in your life.
“i don’t want to intrude, really it’s okay” you nervously say, hands squeezing the handles of your bike tighter.
“you’re not intruding, technically this is public property so you can do what you want.” he shrugs.
he’s not wrong. and his voice is awfully soothing to the ear so yeah, maybe you’ll take that seat.
you rest your bike against the tree beside it, noticing another bike resting against it and sheepishly sit down next to the man with the blue bike and comforting voice. you lean back with a sigh of relief, still a little stiff because you’re sitting next to a stranger but you don’t feel as uncomfortable as you usually do around new people.
you like that.
you like not freezing every time someone unfamiliar talks to you.
“my name’s kim namjoon, by the way” he lifts his hand with a huge smile and your eyes admire the deep dimples on his cheek, he looks friendly and awfully too nice.
too nice.
“y/n” your cheeks are already flushed and you manage to only whisper your name as you shake his hand, his hand feels warm and welcome.
“so, y/n, which university do you go to, assuming that you are still a student?” you’re surprised that he is trying to make conversation with you but you find yourself not minding it at all.
“still a student and this university” you lift your phone to show him the university on your phone and his eyes spark with recognition. it isn’t good to show strangers which university you go to but namjoon looks harmless, you just hope he’s as harmless as he seems.
“we go to the same university” he smiles at you and you bite your lip, you’ve never seen him around.
“do we? what do you major in?” you slip your phone into your pocket and look at him.
the moonlight looks especially stunning on him.
“it’s pretty boring, business and history” he sheepishly scratches the back of his head and you shake your head immediately.
“everything feels boring after a while, i’m sure you’ll find something special in those subjects too” you wish you could say the same to yourself but you’re not sure if your love for art will ever be reborn again. you don’t notice namjoon’s fond eyes looking at you as you worry about yourself.
“what course do you take?”
“art” you answer shyly.
“that’s so cool” and usually, whenever you tell people that you’re an art major, you see a constant wariness in their eyes, judging you, judging your future and they proceed to ask questions about how you’ll build yourself from scratch. questions like that scared you.
namjoon doesn’t say anything but a simple compliment, simple but sincere and that’s really all you need. you smile at him, sincerely for the first time in months.
“you come here often?” it keeps surprising you that he continues the conversation but you’re grateful that he does, you have no way to continue it yourself.
“not a lot of other places to go to when you’re a broke college student.” namjoon chuckles at your dull tone and you find that you like that, you like making him laugh like he is right now.
“you’re right, seoul is as expensive as it can get.” his tone is whiny and…cute? everything about namjoon is cute as far as you can tell.
“tell me about it, can’t buy a decent cup of coffee without having to sell my kidney.” he laughs once again and at the sound of his laughter, a familiar bloom of happiness starts slowly in your body too. and you grin at him.
“well i bear good news for you, dear broke college student, i happen to be the owner of a bakery near the campus, it’s called ‘joonie,’ don’t question the name please, and you’re welcome anytime, i promise to give a hefty discount.” his voice is teasing and filled with playfulness which makes you giggle, his eyes widen at your loud giggle, before they disappear because of his huge smile.
“not for free?” you decide to tease him back and he throws a glare at you, though a smile stays dancing on his lips.
“i will be the broke college student then” you laugh breathlessly into the chilly night and you feel free. you don’t feel your cage around you, even if it was just for that moment or two.
and you know that’s it all because of the man with the blue bike sitting right next to you.
maybe, just maybe, seoul isn’t as lonely of a place as you thought it would be.
-
that night, you fell asleep with a warm feeling trapped in your body, namjoon insisted to walk you, and even with all the sirens of stranger danger, you let him, it was a lovely walk, you made each other laugh as the night grew colder and right at your door, he gave you a smile you would remember forever, that’s how special it felt to you.
now, that you’re alone again, you don’t feel as warm and fuzzy anymore, you are cold as ice like any other day.
you don’t know why you are, the way you are but you are. you exist, fading in and out of reality, but you exist. and you have responsibilities, you have teachers back home to make proud, you have a family waiting for your calls, you have assignments to finish, you have a life that you can’t just resign from.
your hands drip with wet clay as you focus on finishing the head of your falling lady, you feel your approaching sadness over the emotions you miss, your hands carefully press and smooth on her face, you don’t want to mess her up and you need your scholarship if you want to stay or continue in seoul. but you still feel hollow, devoid of the capability to feel anything.
you lean back on the uncomfortable wooden stool which digs into your skin from time to time, you can’t even reach for your phone with how messy your hands are and you groan, desperately trying to get your head back into it.
“can’t focus?” you hear the same, deep voice and you immediately snap your head at the entrance of the studio room to see namjoon leaning on the doorframe, he had a nervous smile on his face with slightly widened eyes and you immediately felt bashful under his careful gaze.
“it’s nothing new” you say honestly and he hums, walking into the room and sitting on the other side of your table.
“i hope you don’t think is creepy, you told me you were in the art department and i was going to head home, but the light was turned on here so i assumed there would be a chance of you being here, and i just wanted to check, i swear it sounds creepy but it’s n-“ you cut his nervous rambling with a small chuckle, waving your hand to dismiss his worries.
“it’s alright, really” you reassure him and he sighs in relief.
“i’m not here to distract you though, you can keep working, i’ll leave.” he gives you a smile and gets ready to leave but you don’t want him to go.
“no, stay.” you say and immediately feel a blush creep over your face when he shrugs happily and sits back down.
“i could use a distraction right now, is what i meant” you try to cover you but you know that namjoon doesn’t buy that excuse, he just nods with a playful roll of his eyes.
“in that case, can i take you somewhere?” and you don’t say no.
-
in namjoon’s poorly lit bakery, which apparently runs 24/7, you feel good sitting opposite to him and you don’t mind the open environment because there’s barely anyone here.
“you were doing a sculpture when i came in, right?” you nod, fingers curling around the coffee cup in front of you.
“the idea is to make it a falling woman.”
“i can’t imagine that being easy.” namjoon tilts his head with a small frown.
“you’re right, it’s not. which is why i’m struggling with it” you smile tightly, your mind once again invading you with your inability to finish it.
“it’s not easy but i’m sure you can do it.” he reassures you and as much as you want to believe it, you don’t have it in you.
“right” you mumble with a strained smile and namjoon picks up on your sour mood.
“it’s hard to focus sometimes, burnouts are very natural especially if it’s a creative process like yours, so take it easy, work as hard as you can when you’re motivated, and take breaks when you don’t feel motivated” you just stare at him with your mouth agape, because no one’s tried to comfort you like this and you don’t even know namjoon all that well.
“thank you, like seriously thank you” you are grateful to him, his words did give you a small push, to continue your assignment.
“you don’t have to thank me, just be sure to show me when you’re done with it, yeah?” he smiles at you and you nod happily, you decide right then that he’ll be the first person you show because you really don’t know anyone else in this city.
“enough about me, tell me about you.”
“i like writing songs.” you widen your eyes in excitement and urge him to continue, at your enthusiastic reaction, he lets out a little laugh and rubs the back of his neck.
“me and my friends, we recently rented a studio, the goal is to be a producing group together, we’re pretty solid” he explains and your respect and admiration for him grows ten-fold.
you want to ask him to listen to one of his works but you’re not sure if you’re there yet.
“one day, maybe if we keep meeting like this, you can listen to something by me.” he suggests and you’re delighted that he says it himself.
“one day” you smile gleefully at him and he smiles right back.
you may not like seoul just yet, but you like namjoon.
you like namjoon a lot.
-
you don’t stop meeting namjoon, whether it be at your art studio when he visits you late at night, and it feels so delicate with no one else but you two. or whether you meeting him during his shift in the library and then walking to the bakery and staying there till it gets too late.
you enjoy his company; you enjoy making him laugh and knowing more about him.
and you only hope that he enjoys it just as much as you do.
you really, really hope that he does.
“you look cute when you concentrate” you suddenly hear namjoon’s voice as your hands smooth over your woman’s cheeks, your movements pause on the sculpture, looking at him with widened eyes and he simply grins at you, you snap your head back and start running your hands on her face, ignoring the butterflies in your chest.
“oh right, the other day, you asked me when i would let you listen to my music?” you immediately abandon your sculpture to lean towards him with an eager smile on your face and namjoon chuckles bashfully at your reaction.
one thing that you both constantly talked about was his music, since you got to know about it, your curiosity was endless, and namjoon was more than happy to feed your thoughts, telling you everything from his inspiration to write lyrics to where he gets his equipment and why he writes the lyrics he does.
“well, today’s the day if you want to go” you don’t even answer him, shuffling out of your seat and putting your sculpture, and namjoon watches with amusement as you hurriedly arrange everything and run around to finish as quickly as you can.
“let’s go” you gasp breathlessly as you come back to him while stuffing your arms into your cardigan and namjoon gestures you to calm down with the same amused smile.
“i’m calm, now take me” you whine as you grab his hand, dragging him out of your studio.
-
you both are giggling all the way up to his studio, namjoon either tickling you whenever you talk too much or you mess up his hair by pulling his hoodie on his head over and over again, you’re nothing but all smiles as you reach the room. the lights are already on and you hear light noise coming from the inside, namjoon looks over at you and then places his hand on the door.
“i guess, you’re also meeting my friends today” he smiles at you and you freeze, and just as you’re about to grab his hand and run back to your studio, he pushes the door open and pulls you in with him.
you are met with three pairs of unfamiliar eyes who immediately look up at the intrusive sound and the new person in the room. you instinctively move behind namjoon a little, but then he’s tutting at you and pulling you gently in front of him, all while the four pair of eyes never leave your intertwined fingers.
your feet stop moving as you only look at the ground, letting namjoon start the conversation.
“everyone, meet y/n, she’s my…friend” he breathes out and you don’t lift your head, just nodding in acknowledgement. you hear people shuffle around before a hand comes into your vision, you look up to see a man with a bright smile on his face.
“name’s hoseok, nice to meet you” you slowly shake his hand as he keeps smiling at you, you feel yourself smile back at him involuntarily. someone pushes hoseok out of the way and even as he turns to curse at them, another hand extends itself towards you.
“hello, i’m taehyung” he doesn’t wait for you to take his hand but eagerly reaches for it and shakes it roughly, making you giggle at his frantic actions, and then one more hand takes his place.
“yoongi, good to meet you” he offers you a small smile and you smile back at him.
“this isn’t everyone by the way, just the half” and you’re glad because your social battery isn’t charged for more people.
“now, i came here to show y/n something so, everyone out” namjoon points to the door with his thumb and everyone except you starts whining and complaining but they do start to gather their things, hoseok leaves first but not without telling you that you should hang out one day and yoongi does the same, taehyung pauses at the door before turning with a smirk.
“you’re kicking us to kiss y/n, right?” he teases and you choke on your own breath, namjoon also blushes and looks away before pushing the boy out.
“sorry about that” he scratches the back of his neck and you wave your hand to dismiss his worries, shyly pushing your hair back.
“okay, let’s do this” he claps his hands, sitting in front of a large monitor, you sit right beside him, leaning over to see him clicking over many files to find the song he wanted to play for you.
he looks at you with a nervous smile and you nudge him to press play already and when he does, you don’t think about anything but the sound that surrounds you.
it’s an alternating beat, flowing between a softer to a harsher beat, the lyrics and namjoon’s voice engulfing you, telling you story about an ending, a bye which isn’t pleasent, and it makes you tear up, because the feeling that you missed with your art slowly spreads in your chest, covering inches of you in miniscule crawls but just the return of those feelings makes you want to break down on the floor in happiness.
you listen with awe written all over your face and namjoon doesn’t disturb you, doesn’t ask you how it is, just lets you feel his words in peace.
at the end of the song, he doesn’t even ask you if you like the song or not, he simply smiles at your teary eyes and wipes a few tears that stopped on the apples of your cheeks.
“sometimes, i’m afraid” he quietly says, the music long fading into background and now, it’s only him that matters.
“afraid of what?”
“that i won’t go somewhere with this” he gestures to the equipment and lyric sheets messily thrown on the desk, the tension is heavy in the room with namjoon’s dull mood, and you take his hand in yours.
“you made me feel something that i never thought i would feel again, i was so scared that i lost the part of me that could feel but that one song revived me, and if that happened with me, i’m sure your music will resonate to a lot of others too, and you don’t have to go somewhere with this, you’re already there as long as you love what you’re doing.” you tell the words you wished someone would say to you, because namjoon, out of anyone else you knew, deserved to hear those words.
he’s grateful for your words as he takes your hand in his and presses a gentle kiss on it. your smile is wider than it’s ever been and you know that it’s only because of him. and with that kiss, you also know that it’s not just you who is falling.
“thank you” he mutters, cupping your hands gently in his.
“you can thank me by playing more songs” you cheekily say and namjoon lifts his hands in surrender with a low chuckle, already looking for more songs to play for you, but now, it’s less about showing you his work and more about seeing that look on your face as you completely get lost in the song.
that’s how you spend the night, you end up in full blown tears at some point, and namjoon laughs as he keeps wiping them with his sweater and you don’t want the night to end, you don’t want to stop crying around namjoon because you get too into your feels about the song, you don’t him to stop wiping your tears away because it’s him, and any moment with him, laughter or sobs, feels right.
how are you ever supposed to tell him that you have to leave?
-
you stir lightly in your slumber, being unable to stretch as much as you want to and with an annoyed groan, you open your eyes to meet..a chest?
yeah, that’s someone’s chest, you’re very sure it is.
you snap your head up even in your half sleepy state to see namjoon still blissfully in dream land.
then you look at your surroundings, you never left the studio last night and right now, you’re all cuddled up to namjoon and the warmth around you two is a good change from the weather outside.
you don’t mind this, you don’t mind this at all.
you lazily smile before snuggling closer and trying to fall asleep again, but then you hear noises, voices to be more exact and it’s coming from right outside the door, you internally panic but don’t have the energy to try and move.
you hear the creak of the door opening, and squeeze your eyes shut, hoping that whoever it is, just goes away and leaves you until you can run out. the voices immediately pause, and you know that they’re looking at you.
“no way” someone chuckles in disbelief and if you remember right, the voice belongs to taehyung. you feel namjoon move in his sleep and expect him to get up abruptly to explain to his friends whatever this was. but just like you, he doesn’t move.
“what are you doing here so early?” he groans, cradling your face deeper into his chest and you feel a rosy blush erupting in your cheeks at his low voice and the new closer proximity.
“it’s saturday, namjoon” hoseok answers.
“i get that but can you leave till she gets up and goes back? i don’t want her to be uncomfortable when she wakes up.” your heart warms at how considerate he is of you and stifle your laugh when they playfully complain to namjoon, loud enough to whine but low enough to not disturb you, they still think you’re asleep.
“the things we do for young love” yoongi dramatically mutters.
“you better buy us a round of drinks later, hyung” you hear taehyung complain but you also hear a smile in his complaint, like he actually doesn’t mind at all.
“yeah yeah, now get out.”
“so bossy” hoseok mutters one last time before the door closes and you deeply exhale in relief.
“you can open your eyes now, they’re gone” namjoon brushes your hair away from your face and you squirm in his arms, darting your eyes up as you look at him, you feel totally in bliss in his arms with sunlight shining on you two.
am i suffocating you?
do i make you happy like you make me?
am i hurting you, because i’ve done that before?
how will i leave you behind?
like a response to all your questions, namjoon places a soft kiss on your forehead before his lips trail all across your face, delicately drawing patterns on your face and then his lips pause at yours.
but you don’t back away like you expected yourself to and he doesn’t either, only holds you tighter.
-
the smile on your face doesn’t budge as you finish your falling lady’s head, it’s finally done, and you’re honestly in love with her, you’re in love with everything about her face, from her eyelashes that are startled open, lips slightly parted, eyebrows raised in an elegant way and her face contorted in a peaceful shock. even when falling, she’s supposed to be the most graceful woman. and she looks like it too.
you feel at peace, not as jittery as you used to be, you still get the occasional sinking feeling of fear and disappointment but you don’t let it take over you like it used to.
even your hands covered with clay don’t feel uncomfortable, they don’t feel suffocating, they feel freeing, you’re slowly re-discovering love, both for art and in people. and you know why you feel better than you have in years.
the door to the art studio swings open and you barely recognize namjoon who stumbles in through.
you also understand why love is addictive.
“do you need help with that?” you get up from your stool when you see namjoon carrying a huge stack of books in his arms. you hear a groan in reply and stifle a laugh as you wipe your hands on your apron and take half the stack from him, placing them on your desk with a huff.
“why are you carrying these around?” you ask as he sits down opposite to you.
“new books, i need to write their titles down in this register” he lifts a large, rectangular book from the desk with a look of dread on his face.
“you couldn’t do that in the library? carrying all of these books back will be exhausting.”
“i just wanted to spend time with you” he nervously chuckles and you feel your cheeks warm up.
“then you did a good thing” you smile at him and both of you work silently, you continue to start the body of your lady and namjoon scribbles through many of those books.
you know you have to tell him, that your time here, that your time with him is limited and you know he deserves to know before both of you get too deep into this to get out.
“joon, there’s something you need to know” you stop drawing your pieces and he stops writing as well, putting his pen down to give you his undivided attention.
“i’m listening.” as confident as he sounds, you know that he’s nervous, it’s written all over his face.
“you know that i’m a transfer student, right?”
“right, and your course lasts for 2-3 years?” he looks so hopeful, you want to take back every word you’ve said so far and just let him believe that.
but you can’t do that anymore.
“no, it doesn’t” you look away from him and he frowns.
“does it last for longer then?” you hate this. you really hate this.
“i’m staying here only for a couple more months, like 4-5 now.” you purse your lips and stay silent as you wait for his reaction, he doesn’t say anything either, his frown gets deeper and you almost feel like you’re betraying him. which you are.
“i’m sorry, i just need a minute” he gets up from his seat and your eyes nervously follow his movement.
“of course, take your time” you mumble as he exits the art studio and you feel your heart sinking as soon as the door shuts close and you’re all alone again.
the motivation you had when you first started the night of sculpting, left your body as soon as the sound of the door clicking shut filled the air, your shoulders slump and your hands lay limp by your side, and before you know it, tears slide down your cheeks as you purse your lips.
you had just stopped getting used to being lonely but now that the feeling comes rushing back to you, you hate it.
-
you don’t hear from namjoon for the next two days and you’re left tossing right and left in your bed and trying to ignore the tears that stain your pillows.
you should’ve told him sooner, you should’ve let him know that even if you had time, it wouldn’t be much, but maybe he thought it was better to leave you while he could.
it’s not like it hurt any less for you though, because you really did like namjoon, you might even love him if you could convince yourself that you were capable of love, you have never felt the way with anyone else but namjoon, that feeling of just teetering over the edge before you completely get lost in him.
every time your phone buzzes, your heart leaps in your throat and you hurriedly grab it but it’s never him.
you lazily structure the body of your sculpture, messing up frequently and with each mistake, you feel more annoyed, not only with yourself, but with the world, for filling your life with warmth only to leave it chilling cold like it always has been.
and one more mistake later, you throw the arm of your lady on the ground, frowning at it with a groan escaping your throat.
you’re not handling this well.
then you remember namjoon’s words, take breaks when you aren’t motivated and give it your all when you are. you feel anything but motivated so you decide to take a ride down han river for an hour and come back to your sculpture.
you warily eye the door to your art studio, you won’t tell anyone but you’ve been secretly hoping for a certain someone to burst through the door clumsily with fumbling steps and words, and you’re left dejected every time it turns out to be anyone but him.
your lilac bike is the only thing in the world that shows you mercy, the only thing that gives you the freedom to let go and you’re grateful that you chose it and not some stuffy train or bus.
you hastily throw your bike to rest on the tree adjacent to your bench and soak in the cold wind that surrounds you, no one but a few people with pets pass in front of you and even with the grey skies showing signs of a heavy rain, and the wind that chills your bones, you have never felt more at peace in these past two days than right now.
maybe you should just start getting used to being lonely again.
it’s not that bad, at least not on this bench and bike you’ve grown so fond of.
“as much as i love seeing you here, i was trying to ignore you” you hear from behind you and you don’t turn around, you know that it’s namjoon, and you’re not sure if he’s being as serious as he sounds.
“i can leave” you mumble, getting up from the bench.
“no, stay.” he appears in front of you and sits you back down before settling beside you.
“it was stupid of me to think that i could forget you simply by ignoring you, especially when i don’t want to forget.” he doesn’t sound like he’s talking to you, more talking to himself but you still listen, with your heart caught in your throat and your palms unusually sweaty even in this cold weather.
“what are you trying to say?” you sound annoyed and you are slightly, because he keeps mumbling to himself and you don’t want to get your hopes high just for him to leave you on this bench.
“i’m saying that, i don’t care if our time is limited”.
there it is, hope.
with soaring hope in your chest and eyes, you finally look at him for the first time since he’s come here.
“i don’t care because we’ll just make the most out of our time, i want to know all of you before you leave me, it’s dangerous to say that i don’t care even if it hurts, but i don’t have it in me to be scared of that right now, i’m only scared of losing you while you’re still here.” you are at a loss of words as namjoon spills his feelings on you, and the hope that soared through your chest reaches the sky when you process what he says.
but how hurt will you be at the end?
you’ve been hurt before; you can handle it. at least you think you can.
because how could you ever say no to namjoon when he’s offering you a key to the treasure of memories you’ve always wanted to open?
“now, i understand why you write songs” is the only thing you can say with your choked up voice and teary eyes, and namjoon, like always, is there to wipe your tears away.
“i’ll keep writing if you listen to them, wherever you are.”
-
with each day that you spend with namjoon, it gets harder to part ways at the end, whether it be right at the front of your door or at the studio, saying goodbye, even for a few hours, felt painful and it was evident that namjoon felt the same way too.
the grip on your hand tightens as leaves fall around you two, you’re back near han river and namjoon is busy writing lyrics in front of you while you sketch away anything that comes to your mind. you don’t feel as frantic about your sculpture now that you’ve finished the outline of her body, you’re going somewhere with it and you couldn’t be happier.
“what do you think of this?” one thing you love about sitting by namjoon as he writes his lyrics, is how he constantly reaches out to you for your opinion, you feel very special that your opinion matters to him.
you take the notebook from his hands and glance over the lyrics, it’s just as tear-jerking but eye-opening as all of his songs are, you hand it back to him with a grin on your face and that’s how he knows that you love it.
“i wanted to ask you this, how did you feel when i didn’t talk to you for those few days?” the question is sudden but you’re not caught off guard, you knew it was only a matter of time before it would come up.
“lonely, just lonely.” was your honest answer.
“how did being lonely feel?” he asks as he continues scribbling on his notebook.
“familiar but not that bad” you know that your answer is straight forward enough to jerk namjoon’s scribbles to a pause. he looks guilty as he raises his head to you and you are taken aback when he takes your hand in his and rubs circles on the back of it.
“now that i’m here, you never have to get used to or settle for ‘not that bad’, okay?”
“okay.” you smile at him and he smiles back, you feel content, happy even that you could find someone here, that you found namjoon here.
-
as weeks go by, both you and namjoon get busier, him with a deadline for a demo and you with your sculpture, it’s only a matter of two months before you have to send it for evaluation and even as you are finishing your sculpture, your heart is beating a million times faster, both out of excitement and fear.
your lady looks like every bit of the royalty that she is, at least so far, the cloth that drapes along her body and flies in the air, looks delicate, soft to touch, easy to break, and you couldn’t be prouder about it.
you hear your phone ring and a large smile takes over your face when you see who’s calling.
“hey, i missed you” namjoon can hear the pout in your voice as you speak and he internally coos.
“you don’t have to anymore, i’m outside your studio, i was hoping to take you somewhere since we haven’t seen each other for a few days now.”
“you’re outside?” you glance out the window to see namjoon waiting in a car, he waves his hand when he catches you looking.
you look like crap right now.
“okay, give me a minute or five..” you trail off and cut the call before he can object.
you run from your studio to the washroom with your makeup bag, frantically powdering your oily face and touching up your faded lipstick, you swiped your hands across your hair and pray internally that it won’t poof up. and once you look half-decent, you pat your cheeks roughly and run back to the studio, shoving your makeup bag into a desk and grabbing your usual bag before running out the door.
“are you okay? you look a little out of breath” he asks as you slide into the car, while desperately trying to catch your breath, you hurriedly nod, pulling your seatbelt on.
“okay” he laughs and starts the car.
a calm conversation flows between you two as namjoon drives you to whatever mystery place he wants to take you and you couldn’t feel more at peace with your windows down, making your hair the mess you were afraid it would be but you didn’t care, with namjoon right next to you, nothing else seemed to matter and it didn’t, no one has mattered to you the way namjoon has.
the sun has almost set and you excitedly take pictures of the ever-changing colors of the sky and show them to namjoon who marvels over them with you.
you could get used to this.
you could totally get used to this.
namjoon stops his car right at a small lake, with trees all around you and you can’t hear the loud city or traffic anymore at all, it’s just you, him, rippling water and fresh air. you shiver as you get down the car with namjoon, tugging your jacket closer.
“normally, it would be ideal if it was summer right now but we can’t wait for that” namjoon tells you as he pushes his jacket off his body and you widen your eyes at him.
“you’re crazy, don’t tell me that we’re getting close to that” you point to the lake with quivering lips and namjoon shrugs, removing his boots and wincing at the cold ground.
“this is a bad idea; we will be sick for days.” you shake your head, refusing to let go of your jacket and namjoon laughs at your worried face as he pushes his jeans up.
“and after that, we will be fine. so, shall we?” namjoon reasons and extends his hand towards you, and all your worries about being sick, about probably catching a nasty cold for weeks that could hinder your work, fly away. you sigh in defeat and unwillingly push your jacket away, already cursing everything out and namjoon is having the time of his life, watching you struggle.
“don’t you think taking our clothes off would be better? we will just have wet clothes at the end of this” you grumble as you take your shoes off.
“if you want to take your clothes off, i don’t mind” comes namjoon’s cheeky reply and you pick your jacket from the hood of his car and throw it on his grinning face.
“you know that i didn’t mean it like that” you flush red, both because of the weather and other reasons that namjoon is very aware of.
“of course, come on now, it’s worse just standing here.” and before you fully prepare yourself, namjoon pulls you with him to the edge of the lake, dipping his toe in and shivering, encouraging you to do the same but you know that if you did that, you will be running back to the car.
so, with a smirk, you take your hand from namjoon and push him in, giggling when he screams and the splashing water lands around you, he comes back up, completely drenched as you double over in laughter, he shakes his head at you, ruffling his hair out and before you realize, he’s at the shore, leaning against it with his arms crossed and watching you with a small smile.
“are you going to leave me alone here?” he pouts at you.
“maybe” you tease him and then he’s jumping out of the water, coming towards you with a determined look on his face and you struggle to keep your eyes on his face because his clothes are literally transparent right now. and before you know it, you’re pushed into the water followed closely by namjoon who jumps in next to you.
you gasp for air as you come up, the cold water freezing your nerves but you’re laughing, you’re laughing out of the pure joy and adrenaline that flows through you and namjoon’s laughing with you.
and you don’t think you have been this happy in your life, in your whole entire life, being frozen to your bones is the happiest moment. you start to splash water on namjoon who retaliates by scooping up water and throwing it right on your face.
just when you’re about to start kicking water on him, his arms wrap around you, forehead pressing against yours with a sigh and you stop moving.
“i don’t want to leave this place.” he whispers to you, even with the cold weather, his breath is hot and his body heat is warming you slowly.
in this cold world, both figuratively and physically, namjoon made you feel like the warmest sunlight.
i don’t want to leave you, are the words right at the tip of your tongue.
“we’ll die if we don’t get out soon” you joke instead and namjoon laughs, pulling away to cup your face in his hands, fingers smoothing over your face and your eyes flutter close at the gentle action.
“is there really no way i can make you stay?” you want to cry at how sincere and desperate he sounds.
“no, but you can make my stay worthwhile like you are doing right now” your answer is honest but you’re just as desperate as he is, you don’t want to go home where you have nothing but a monotonous, color-less life but you have no choice.
how can you say goodbye to this face that made the cruel world warmer in every sense?
as a tear escapes your eye, namjoon doesn’t wipe it away like he usually does, he curls his fingers around your cheek and pulls you closer until you can feel all of him, and this time, he kisses your tears away, slowly, like he has all the time in the world and your hands curl around his arms, gripping him like he will go away if you don’t hold him tight enough all while the water flows steadily around you.
he pulls away with a grin and you smile back almost instantly.
namjoon has always thought that people were more capable of hurting than loving but looking at you, shining under the stars and smiling at him like he’s the only person in the world, he believes people are just as capable of loving as they are of hurting.
“i have wanted to do that for so long now” he mutters.
“why didn’t you?”
“it didn’t feel right until now.”
“was it okay..for you?” he asks with pursed lips and you giggle at his nervous expression.
“i don’t think i’ve felt more alive in my whole life.” he beams at your answer, patting your head making you giggle again.
“well, we can just keep doing that then” he exclaims cheerfully and you cheer with him, already reaching for his face.
and again, it’s just you, him and the flowing water that freezes your bones.
with namjoon, seoul doesn’t feel lonely.
not at all.
-
you are the most dressed up you’ve ever been since you’ve come to seoul, with a simple fitting black dress, minimal jewelry and strappy heels, you feel confident standing next to your falling lady which lays vertically on the ground.
you are finally done with her, all of her, her elegant face, her sheer clothes that fly in the air as she falls, her hands grabbing onto open air, she looks desperate to be saved but she looks beautiful even on the ground.
and you’re proud, for the first time in ages, you feel like you have created something that can truly convey what you feel.
bliss, is the only thing you feel even with your sculpture that’s done and ready to present to your teachers and other enthusiasts, but your attention is divided as you keep checking the door to see if namjoon will bust in because you really want him the first person to see it.
“here, joon, here!” you wave your hand frantically in the full studio to try and catch namjoon’s attention who just enters through the door, he locates you in the room and quickly makes his way over to you.
the first thing he does is give you a warm hug and pushes a bouquet of delicate flowers into your hands, grinning proudly at you, he looks so proud and he hasn’t even seen the sculpture.
“you ready?” you call out excitedly, circling around your sculpture which lays under a thin blanket. namjoon shifts on his feet with a huge smile on his face.
“just remember, me showing you this is like you playing your music for me” you inform him.
“i know i will love it either way” he shrugs and you pause from lifting the cloth, narrowing your eyes at him.
“how are you so sure?”
“it’s something you poured your heart into, so i will love it” he answers sincerely and you feel flustered with his compliment, you cough awkwardly and lift the cloth off your lady.
for a few seconds, namjoon doesn’t say anything or change his expression, he circles your lady silently with observant eyes and you shift on your feet, your lips feel dry and you feel nervous all over, because his opinion matters most to you in this city, maybe even in this world.
“it’s you” he mumbles, just loud enough for you to hear.
“what do you mean?”
“you made yourself” he concludes and you blink at him, not knowing what to say.
“she’s beautiful even when she’s falling, even when she’s alone” he starts walking while he talks and stops right in front of you.
“just like you, you’re beautiful, however you are, you are the most beautiful.” you swallow the knot in your throat, no one has ever called you beautiful the way namjoon has.
“i don’t know what to say.”
“then don’t say anything, that’s alright” he lets out a breathy chuckle at your red cheeks.
“you know you don’t have to flatter me, i already like you” you tease and he shrugs.
“doesn’t hurt to get you to like me even more, right?” he winks at you and you playfully roll your eyes.
“but as much as i love you, that wasn’t my attempt to flatter you at all, you are just that good of an artist, and you are also the muse for my lyrics these days” he shyly admits the last part and you feel everything you have wanted to feel since day one of entering seoul.
namjoon truly did open your treasure of memories, and god, it will be so hard to leave him behind.
and he understood what you felt when you created her, you felt just as desperate, just as helpless as she did when you created her but you have handled it with as much grace as you could, namjoon was probably the only person who saw that.
“she is you, and i love her, like i love you.”
-
your presentation goes swimmingly, your teacher loved it, she took many pictures of it to show your potential to her superiors so they can extend your scholarship, and she did mention that the sculpture will be presented in a main art event. so that was definitely a win for you. your intrusive thoughts bother you from time to time, but they don’t hurt you as much as they used to, you don’t know if you have gotten stronger or your thoughts have gotten weaker, but you know that you’re better than you were just a few months ago.
your scholarship did not get extended, you expected that. your piece was good but some were just better, you didn’t beat yourself up like you thought you would, namjoon didn’t let you anyway.
speaking of namjoon, he’s all you have thought of now that your presentation is over, because he’s literally with you every day, putting aside his work to try and spend the last, few days with you, properly.
you’re currently sitting on the hood of his car, on top of a mountain that overlooks the city, he is stood in between your legs, feeding ice cream and listening intently to you as you keep rambling about how trust is so fickle.
“the thing is, if we’re wary of someone or a habit of theirs, it’s very easy to lose trust the second they mess up even the slightest, even if it isn’t fair to them, i just think that’s how people are.”
“you’re right, trust is very rare, you can’t say you trust someone easily, because trust is built on not time, not the relationship, but the people involved” he pauses to feed you and continues.
“i will always trust you though” you cheekily interrupt and he laughs.
“and i will always trust you.” he concludes and feeds you one last spoon while you smile gleefully at him. but then he sighs, stepping back from you and shaking his head lightly and you frown at his dejected stance.
“what is it, joon?”
“our time is almost up” he says with a sad smile and your heart tightens in your chest at his words, you know that your time is almost up, you’ve been trying to ignore that fact for so long now but you only have a day or so left with namjoon.
“before i leave” you scoot closer to him, breath stuttering at the close proximity you share with him as he eagerly waits for you to speak.
“i want you to take all of me” you have never felt as vulnerable as you do, whispering those words to namjoon under the moonlight that shines over you.
“you sure about that?” even with his eyes blown and throat closing around nothing, namjoon needs your permission to claim you.
“never been more sure about anything else in my life” you give him the permission he wants and who is he to say no to you?
-
waking up next to namjoon, in his room, wearing his t-shirt is something you wish you could do every single day but you’re out of time, you have been for a while.
“i don’t want you to leave” is the first thing namjoon says to you in the morning.
“i don’t want to leave you” is your answer, you’re no longer hesitant to say it. he gazes at you with such intensity because he really can’t believe he has to lose you just when he’s had all of you.
“how can i ever say goodbye to you?” he pulls you into him, burying his face into your neck and his sheets shift around you, it takes everything in you to not cling onto him for eternity.
“it’s okay, we had time” you mumble helplessly once you pull away from him.
“not a lot but we had time” you reassure him and this time, he’s the one who gets teary eyed. you feel your heart break at the way his face reddens as he keeps himself from crying.
“we’ll be okay” you whisper, wiping his tears as they escape his eyes, and hug him again, letting him cry into your shoulder, you feel your own sobs caught in your throat as namjoon cries on you.
“i’m sorry it had to be this way. i’m sorry i can’t stay.” you apologize with tears finally escaping your eyes and neither of you have the energy to wipe each other’s tears anymore, you only can cry and hope that time will be kind enough to stretch itself to keep you two together.
“i’m sorry i can’t come with you” comes his own apology.
“thank you for loving me, all of me” as he says that you break down in sobs because how will you ever find someone who loves you, truly loves you? you learned love with namjoon, you’re also learning goodbyes with him, but love was so easy, why were goodbyes so hard?
“thank you for being letting me be your muse.” you brush his cheeks with your fingers, trying to remember every feature of his before you have to let go. and he does the same, with sleepy but cautious eyes, he traces all of your features over and over again, like he’s forcing his body to keep you in his mind forever.
“is this really goodbye?” he asks one last time even if he knows the answer.
“i wish it wasn’t.”
-
it’s been six months since you left.
namjoon feels empty as he arranges the cups in his bakery, he sighs too often for it to be normal because every time he moves, his body reminds him of you, everything about you is etched onto every inch of him and he doesn’t think he will ever move on.
he still circles around the art studio from time to time, pathetically hoping to catch a glance of you working hard on your sculpture, looking up at him with a smile and then crashing into him to become one. he still visits han river just to recall every memory you’ve ever shared.
but he can’t bring himself to go to the lake, the lake where he kissed you like he’s always wanted to, he can’t go there knowing you will not be going with him.
he misses you. every nerve in him screams for you. his friends have been trying to get him to move on but namjoon doesn’t want to move on.
“welc-“ namjoon starts his formal greeting when he hears the door creak open, only for his mouth to hang open when he sees who is at the entrance, he races from behind the counter to rush to the entrance with wide eyes and confused but overjoyed grin.
“it’s actually you, oh my god” he whispers breathlessly as he reaches to touch your cheek and you smile tearfully at him. every night of hoping that you will be back in his arms feels worthwhile when you wrap yourself around him with a happy sigh. he caresses your hair, still not fully registering that you’re actually with him right now.
“so, what happened wa-“ you begin to explain why you’re back in the lively city of seoul and namjoon gently shushes you.
“doesn’t matter, you’re here, that’s all i care about” and with that, you melt yourself back into him, your fingers tracing patterns on his sweater, you missed him so much.
“we need to go to the lake again, i miss freezing with you” he jokes lightly but you know the desperation behind his words, he must have been waiting so long to take you.
“i am ready to freeze my bones with you again” you giggle and he pats your head with a fond smile.
“how long will you stay this time?” namjoon asks, and you notice fear in his voice, you lean back to give him your biggest smile yet. he has nothing to be scared of anymore and you don’t either.
Jungkook stands in front of you in the open space of his dark lounge, you’re sitting on the sofa cross-legged and teary eyed as you both watch the news in horror. Toying with the hem of your white t shirt you can’t stop the cries from cascading down your cheek, the tape has been leaked to the public.
“Taehyung will fix this, he’ll get it deleted,” Jungkook nods as he reassures himself, eyes glued to the television, news reporters going into vivid details about your final night in Bora Bora - including an audio clip of the conversation that followed some of the most intimate moments of your life, “He’s the best attorney money can buy, I’m not just saying it because he’s my friend he’s going to fix this—”
“How could you do this to me?” You whisper, gaze finally meeting his.
“You thinkIdid this?” He’s hugely offended, his hooded eyes animatedly large and round, contrasting to his sharp set jaw, “You actually think I did this?” His voice is raised.
Standing from the sofa you frown, “Did you send the video to one of your friends? Is that it? Is that how this has happened?” You want to believe he’s not capable of something like this but all the evidence is against him – he filmed the video, on his camera, he was the only one with a copy. “Was it just something to send to your group chats? Is that what it was to you?”
“That video was for me and you, nobody else—”
“Then how has this happened?! Explain to me why it’s all over the internet!” Your heart hammers inside your chest as you scream, thrashing your arms about as adrenaline courses your veins.
At this Jungkook pinches the bridge of his nose, trying to calm himself down, “I-, I don’t know.” He exhales, ridding himself of his grey hoodie before he throws it on the sofa, leaving him stood wearing a plain black t shirt.
“Bullshit.” You spit, “You’re the only one who had the video, you expect me to believe you didn’t have something to do this?”
“Why would I do something like this? Hm? Financial gain? Last time I checked I don’t need the money. So what other reason would I have to do this?”
“You tell me.” You scoff, shrugging as you wipe away your tears.
The realisation that you genuinely believe he’s the one to blame suddenly dawns on him, he’s shocked and insulted to say the least, “Y/N I didn’t fucking do this, why would I want anybody to see that video? I’m on it too.”
“Right,” You laugh, though there’s no humour in your tone, “Because this is going to end so badly for you. The only thing that’s going to happen to you is now everybody knows that you’ve got a big cock, guys are going to high-five you and congratulate—”
“Stop it.” Jungkook bites, “I didn’t leak the video.”
“You know what will happen to me?” You’re furious as you continue ranting, wiping your cheeks with shaky hands, “I’ll be known as the slut that billionaire playboy Jungkook fucked. I’m just another name in your little black book! The sugar baby that he spanked in a beach hut—”
“I said stop it!” His voice is louder, “You’re my girlfriend, I’m not going to let that happen.”
“It’s already happened!” You shriek, “I wasn’t your girlfriend in Bora Bora, the media already know what our situation was back then it’s all anybody’s been talking about for the past two days. It’s all over the fucking news Jungkook! The news!”
“You don’t think I know that?!” He growls, “You think this is easy for me? Knowing that people have watched that video?” He’s pacing the room now, fingers pushing his hair back in a hurry.
“Oh I’m so sorry that you’re having a hard time, it must be so difficult knowing that the whole world knows you’re good in bed!” You know you’re being irrational with him, you know it’s hard for him to digest the events of the past three days but you can’t bring yourself to look past the fact he’s the one who’s done this.
“Y/N.” He laughs unamused, shaking his head in disbelief, “Nobody feels worse about this than me.”
“What about me?” You’re quiet, “Do my feelings mean nothing to you?”
“Of course not! That’s not what I meant—”
“Then what did you mean Jungkook? You think that you’re worse off than me in this situation? Knowing that men have watched that thing and… I feel violated. I feel sick. I haven’t slept because I know that it’s spreading like wild fire, I can’t even get into my apartment building without the paparazzi asking me for more adult content.” You’re sobbing now, your breath shaky and shallow.
“You think I don’t feel violated?!” His voice is hoarse as he yells, staring down at you with a face of thunder, “Somebody has leaked a video of me having sex with my girlfriend, not some random girl I don’t care about - my girlfriend. I feel disgusted that people are watching that thing and ogling you without your consent. My fucking parents are devastated, I’m devastated, why don’t you understand that this is hard for me too?!”
“You really expect me to believe that you’re not responsible—”
“You know what? Yeah. I do expect my girlfriend to believe me when I say that I didn’t do this, and the fact you don’t says a lot about what you think of me.”
“Why else would you want to film us in the first place?” You can barely make out his face through your tears, he’s standing two feet away with an expression that can only be described as hurt. “Did you plan for this to happen?”
“Don’t,” He warns, refusing your questions, “In hind sight, it was a fucking stupid idea. If I could go back and change it trust me I would.” There’s a moment of tense silence before he opens his mouth to speak again, “Y/N this wasn’t me, I didn’t do this, I could never do something so… disgusting and inappropriate to you.”
“Disgusting and inappropriate…” You repeat, swallowing the lump in the back of your throat, “You mean like when you wanted to pay me for sex thirty minutes after meeting me?”
At this Jungkook stills entirely, it’s his turn to cry now – he stands in front of you with watery eyes, tucking his bottom lip between his teeth as though that will catch his emotions before they escape, “That’s enough.”
There’s an uncomfortable silence, you’re rightfully upset and angry but even you know that was too far. You try to steady your breathing, toying with the idea of apologising before his words interrupt your thoughts.
“You really think I did it don’t you? That I leaked the video?”
No words are exchanged, instead you nod slowly and look away from his desperate profile, settling your gaze back to the television which is still reporting the story about you both. For obvious reasons the video can’t be aired on TV, so the news stations have settled for a screenshot of you laying beside each other in bed, his arm draped over your waist as he was about to confess his feelings for you, dazed and fucked-out beneath the sheets.
“But what I don’t understand is why…” Your voice is merely a whisper, “Why you would string me along for so long, just to publicly humiliate me break my heart.”
“If you genuinely believe I’m capable of this, you really don’t know anything about me.”
“No,” You grab your bag from the sofa and throw it over your shoulder, looking him dead in the eye for what you assume will be the last time, “I guess I don’t.”
“Y/N wait.”
You don’t look back.
Jungkook watches you leave his apartment with an aching heart, no sooner than you’re hidden behind the golden doors of the elevator he breaks down, sinking to the ground in floods of salty tears. Unbeknownst to him you too are bawling your eyes out as you exit the building, hiding your face from the dozen camera men that wait for you outside.
Synopsis: Born with a silver spoon in your mouth, you’ve done your best to rid yourself of the taste since you were old enough to walk. Occasionally though, your mother manages to rope you into an obligatory function – or a blind date with playboy billionaire, Jeon Jungkook. Jungkook stands for everything you loathe about the world you left behind, but you can’t deny the spark of attraction between you. Intrigued by the promise of mutual satisfaction, you agree to one night in bed… and quickly realize you’re in far, far deeper than you ever intended.
Rating:18+
Warnings:semi-public sex, breast play, fingering, dirty talk (hypothetical cum play, possessiveness), spanking, multiple orgasms, somewhat rough sex
TW:descriptions of past emotional abuse (gaslighting, manipulation, coercion), angst (!)
Word Count: 12,479
Author’s Note: links to be updated at a later date!
Beta: n/a (at the moment) Rating:All(Marked Chapters 18+) Pairing: Hybrid!BTS x FailedHybrid!Reader Genre: Hybrid au, fluff, action, adventure, angst, drama, slice of life. Some marked chapters will contain mature/smut scenes, BUT they will not have plot in those scenes and are 100% skippable without losing your place in the story.
Summary:Human’s strive to be better, faster and stronger looking to animal DNA. Thus Hybrids are born. As the rise for designer and Pedigree Hybrids increase, so do the failed attempts. There is one species scientists are unsuccessful in creating, but, folklore says they have been here all along, hiding and blending in with the humans for many millennia. How clever they are.
After the first debacle of the overlapping rus things got easier the boys all synced up after the first year together making their ruts intense but short lived. They were super respectful and never tried to hurt you, Jimin also respected your decision not to engage in anything within the house or during their ruts so as not to cause any problems.
There were some changes within the home dynamic that brought the boys closer together, it was during Jungkook’s rut. He was still getting used to his prescription medicine, and his body went into another rut a month after the scheduled rut. It was common yet scary, he was in a fair amount of pain but they each refused any sort of physical help or pheromone sprays.
The youngest was so embarrassed when he woke up beside his oldest hyung, it seemed Jin couldn’t take listening to the Jaguar cry. Since the moment the two had met they had such a playful bond, the quiet shy Jungkook and the outgoing and caring Seokjin. Part of you was excited to see them all so caring with one another but you had to give them both a heavy warning.
“Jin, you can’t just take Jungkook to your bed when he is in his rut, what if he was influenced by his rut and when he woke up he regretted or hated you for doing something he didn’t consent to?”
“No, I promise, we didn’t do anything. I just held him because he was in pain and he didn’t have to deal with it on his own” Jin exclaimed, “I wouldn’t, at least I don’t think I would ever do anything with anyone without their consent.”
“I know, I just have to say this and advise you not to, if Jungkook begged you too would you have given in.” you sighed running your hand through your hair, the day had only just started and you were already exhausted.
“What if I consent to it beforehand?” Jungkook said nervously, not exactly excited to see Jin standing there, his tail and ears drooped slightly in fear. “I can write it out for you, I don’t want anyone to get in trouble for something I do. If I am in my rut I trust everyone in this house and consent to them if they wish to help me.”
“Yeah give me that form, I will consent too, not that I usually go about needing help, but there have been moments, and it wouldn’t be bad, we share our ruts anyway so maybe it would feel like less of a burden to suffer alone” Yoongi smiled
“I would consent,” Taehyung smiled
“You know I would help you guys out, I’m not shy?” Hoseok giggled
“Look I will draw up some forms and you can fill them out, if you wish privately, I don’t want anyone to feel pressured, and include the names of anyone you give consent to I need specific details and just because you sign these forms doesn’t mean consent doesn’t change, before you do anything I want you to ask and get clear verbal confirmation.”
~
It surprised you when each member of the household submitted a form of consent, reading the names on the first form you paused. Seokjin, Yoongi, Hoseok, Namjoon, Jimin, Taehyung and Y/n. Flipping to the next form you saw your name written then again, laying out all the forms you saw your name on each in tiny block letters. It made your heart tremble, looking up from the table they all stood, hands clasped in front of their forms like they were standing before a general in the military. Their eyes searched anywhere in the room but refused to look at you, crossing your arms, you leaned back in your chair. Suppressing a smile, you waited for one of them to break, waiting for one of them to explain why you were included on every form. They shuffled, scratching, fidgeting, shuffling or tugging at their ears or tails nervously.
“Did we do something wrong?” Jimin asked
“Uh not exactly this is just a little surprising that you included me but I am glad you all trust me enough to help you when you are in need.” You couldn’t help how red your cheeks had gotten and tried to reorganize the forms as a way of distracting yourself. Though the forms didn’t need to be sent away it was just collateral for if something happened. You carried them to the filing cabinet and placed each hybrid’s form into their respective folders.
“What is this?” Seokjin gestured to the filing cabinet.
“All your documents, from adoption to university, medical things, your stocks and shares, anything that you might need now or in the future.” I smiled
“Stocks and shares?” Namjoon asked
“You think I would leave you with nothing when this is over, I have given you each a portion of the program, if it is a success you will all be set for life, you will be able to live a comfortable life.” I explained, not game enough to face them while I spoke. “For helping me achieve my dream, you deserve to reap some rewards. Hopefully it will help you reach your dreams as well.”
A pair of arms wrapped around my waist, I heard a cheeky giggle, lifting my arm I saw Hoseok grinning up at me. “You are so shy, aww shy little baby”
My cheeks turned redder and my ears popped out from my hair, I covered my face in my hands and tried to drown out the chorus of coo’s from the boys. I whined at their relentless teasing, but it felt nice that they were all happy.
~
“Okay Yoongi, you need to slow down and start indicating,” he nodded and “Perfect and if it looks all clear then make the turn if not you can wait until it is clear.”
“Okay, I don’t see anyone coming,” he pulled down the next street. His movements were a little rough but he was doing well for his first time driving. It was just around the small estate but he was doing so well. “All right and then if you are done we can pull into the driveway or we can go for another loop around.”
He looked at me with a cheeky gummy smile and continued down the road, the boys waved from the front yard and I grinned. “Yoongi at the intersection go right this time.” He followed my direction and we arrived and he parked. I pulled out my phone and quickly texted the boys that we were safe just grabbing something to eat and then would return home soon.
“Come on, let’s have a couple of lamb skewers.” I dragged the snowy tiger hybrid into the small shop. We ate happily taking some extra food home for the others and I grinned driving home.
“You finished, you and Namjoon are almost finished with your degrees, it is good they still had all your records from when you first went to uni so you didn’t have to redo any subjects. Then there is Namjoon who frankly scares me, he just easily flies through his subjects and just has so much motivation towards studying.” I laughed, Yoongi pulled into the garage and shut the rolling door behind us. The others stepped into the garage smiling at us. “You will be a free man once you graduate, what are you thinking of doing? I am not telling you to move out or anything. I am just wondering if there is something you want and if I can help you get it.”
“I want us.” He took my hand and looked at me, “I want you and all those loud idiots out there, I want to be a family.”
“You are a lot more forward today Yoongi,” I smiled, “I like your honesty, and of course you can stay for as long as you want.”
“I guess reading all those psych textbooks has allowed me to accept who I am and I dunno it feels nice to just say what I want.” He looked at the six males dancing in front of the car, Taehyung upping his shirt like a soccer player and smacking his palms against his belly while Jimin and Jungkook were doing some form of twerking the latter upside down with his feet on the wall. I saw the light pink dusting his cheeks as he smiled, his cheeks puffing slightly making his eyes curve, “I want to live together as a family for the rest of my life.”
Or you can ‘Like’ this post (but good luck trying to find it a week later, we both know how many things you like a day, perhaps we will meet again in the future.)
Beta: n/a (at the moment) Rating:All(Marked Chapters 18+) Pairing: Hybrid!BTS x FailedHybrid!Reader Genre: Hybrid au, fluff, action, adventure, angst, drama, slice of life. Some marked chapters will contain mature/smut scenes, BUT they will not have plot in those scenes and are 100% skippable without losing your place in the story.
Summary:Human’s strive to be better, faster and stronger looking to animal DNA. Thus Hybrids are born. As the rise for designer and Pedigree Hybrids increase, so do the failed attempts. There is one species scientists are unsuccessful in creating, but, folklore says they have been here all along, hiding and blending in with the humans for many millennia. How clever they are.
Jimin had spent the entire day with Jungkook, getting him food and water intermittently and soothing the young hybrid during his most aggressive moments. The scent that was seeping from Jimin’s clothes was a little nerve-racking but nothing you couldn’t handle. It was easy to deal with hybrid-related things since you weren’t a full hybrid. The madness that stemmed around heats and ruts didn’t particularly exist when it came to you.
Honestly, it was a blessing, there was nothing scary than succumbing to your own instincts, sure sometimes it felt good but you preferred things to be consensual. There was no room for confusion that way. Some aspects of hybrid instincts were super convenient, but the idea that someone could be influenced by their own hormones and pheromones and make someone feel loved only for them to wake up and deny it all saying it was just because of their heat or rut. That was the fear of loving a hybrid, did they love you back or are their feelings being manipulated by their animal side.
Jimin carried a bowl of cold water and a small cotton face washer into Jungkook’s room, his face filled with concern over the younger male. He must not be handling his first rut very well, sounds of pain and growling could be heard well into the night. Jimin’s cooing and soothing voice were constant and the only comfort Jungkook received was when he collapsed from exhaustion his breathing would even out and Jimin would leave to get more cold water.
The next morning was oddly quiet there was no animalistic growling or painful shouts. If you listened carefully you could hear them talking softly. Jimin spoke about his first rut and how he was so scared. When the pain would strike Jungkook would whimper once more and apologize profusely to which Jimin would tell him he was okay and everything would get better.
“Breathe, Jungkook,” Jimin spoke and the jaguar would gasp in lungfuls of air. When the pain was over Jimin added softly “It’s time for your medicine, you should be able to sleep now. So try your best, you are exhausted.”
“Will you stay with me?” he mumbled, “I don’t want to be alone.”
“Alright move over,” Jimin said after a brief rustling the two stilled and there was a deep rumbling sound you could easily recognize as Jungkook’s unabashed purrs were smooth and warm. They were accompanied by Jimin’s which were a little quicker and bubbled more in his chest.
Taehyung stumbled from his room, his eyes weren’t exactly open but he staggered past your door and towards the kitchen. You heard him run into something heavy and you sighed pulling yourself out of bed to check on the Golden Retriever.
“I kicked my toe.” he pouted
Seokjin slapped the table with his hand and shouted, “You trying to hurt my Taehyungie?” you tried not to laugh at the eldest hybrid’s childish antics, he had stood up and started an imaginary boxing match with the table. Seeing that Taehyung was now smiling, Seokjin took some imaginary punches falling to the ground a couple of times before wrapping his legs around a table leg. “He is a feisty one.”
Sides hurting from the laughter, Taehyung fell over with laughter. He sat on the floor watching his hyung’s performance and the two of you finally settled when he declared himself the winner and resumed his breakfast as nothing happened.
While making yourself a cup of coffee you decided to check how everyone was coping, Seokjin and Taehyung seemed quite fine and happy, you caught a sleepy Hoseok on his way to a shower, he paused in his tired state and gave you a hug. He paused for a moment and you suspected he had fallen asleep against you and you had to lightly shake him awake.
“Good morning Hoseok”
“Mmm… morning” he muttered before continuing his journey towards the bathroom. Giggling as he struggled with the bathroom door handle twice before huffing and forcing his eyelids open long enough to open the door properly. Passing the bathroom you knocked softly on Namjoon’s door, he called you in politely.
“Good morning Namjoon, is there anything I can get you today?”
“Ah no, I will be out soon for breakfast, I was just working on a few things for an upcoming essay.” He sniffed, “You smell good today, I thought I should remind you that I am due for my rut tomorrow and I will be fine on my own, I have my prescription of suppressants. It would be best if I am left alone, although the symptoms are usually subdued I will be a little cranky.”
“Understood, feel free to text me if you need anything, I am always happy to help.” I nodded and headed back out stopping by Yoongi’s door. I knocked and heard a shuffling of blankets.
“Don’t come in,” He called his voice sounding hoarse,
“I understand, let me know if you need anything Yoongi” I scolded myself for forgetting that Yoongi was starting his rut today, I headed to the kitchen and I spoke with the three hybrids sitting around the dining table.
“What helps you through your rut, if I make each of you something for when you get your rut will that help, Like I can make you a basket every six months or so depending on your hybrid species. I could get your favorite drinks and snacks, your favorite movies, or a special pair of pj’s. Or, I could buy you some pheromone spray that can help calm you.”
“No Spray” they all shouted looking momentarily panicked.
“Okay, no spray,” I agreed, letting them write a list, Namjoon emerged and gave a list of drinks and snacks that he always enjoyed when he was feeling sick. Hoping to bring them some sort of ease during their uncomfortable rut period. You guided Jin, Taehyung, and Hoseok out to the shopping center, the four of you filling a shopping cart with different items that each believed would help.
“What about these?” Taehyung held up some cute pj’s they were matching, each was purple with stars, and Hoseok and Jin grabbed them, sizing them up to their chests. “They have room for our tails.”
“Look you can have a set too,” Taehyung said and I grinned, making sure to carefully check my phone for the boy’s sizes. I had made sure to make notes on their sizes for any clothing or shoe purchases.
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Rating: All audiences Genre:Fantasy, Comedy, Fluffy Fluff, Adventure, Romance, Drama. Pairing:Bts x Reader
Summary:Being BTS’s assistant manager sounded more fun than it was, their schedule was busy and they no longer had time to talk, eat and play. On top of that you couldn’t get close to them for fear of rumours spreading. An accident on set leaves you in a bit of a pickle. No longer do you have to care for the seven tiny boys. No they are huge! Or is it you who is now small?
You were working for the BTS boys, running around getting random props, bags, water, food and other miscellaneous items. You would carry paperwork from Sejin’s office to other departments and staff. You worked precise and efficiently, not allowing for any chance of mistake.
At least you tried to, you of course made plenty of mistakes in the beginning taking the form for props to the set design, taking the costume designs to Sejin and even carried the budget into a TXT live stream luckily you were not caught on camera. Bowing and stepping out.
Sejin was patient with you and you were grateful, you got to see the BTS boys when they came in for dance practice but they were usually so distracted. They loved having you around but you felt like you got seconds with them before they were gone again. You missed the days when they were little.
You were sent to gather some old props for some new song that would use them as references, you were excited but they never really told you much of anything, everyone was pretty tight lipped. But they assumed you couldn’t speak Korean and in their defence you kind of couldn’t. Sure you had studied Korean in school but talking with the boys was one thing and coming to Korea was another.
Locating the storage room you flicked on the light and pinned the door back, you were running around looking for the items when you saw the old doll house, the one you had built for them. The kept it for a few Tiny Tan recreation videos and was moved into storage at some point.
Stepping closer to see the pile of little clothes they used to wear, it made you miss them more. Taking care of them, talking whenever you wanted and just sharing your friendship. It was such a beautiful memory, but so long ago it was more nostalgic than anything.
You would give anything to be able to go back to that moment. Turning you found the box you were looking for, trying to carefully get it off the top shelf and lower it down you had a lever digging into your chest. Grasping the crate you pulled it off the shelf and tried to safely place it on the floor. The corner of the box getting caught on something.
You stepped back hoping whatever was in the way was now clear for you to place the props container on the cement. Even though you knew you should be heading back already you didn’t want to take the wrong box of props to set. Just a quick glance inside to prevent any further delays that might occur taking a second trip.
There was a small creaking sound like something falling into place. Opening the box you heard a whirring noise above you looking up to see the same machine that had miniaturized the boys in the first place. Someone had turned it on and it was pointed at you. Looking down you saw the lever which had previously been dug into your chest. It must have been caught on the box and as you brought the box down it took the lever with it.
Unlike other times the lever seemed stuck and the machine was making so much noise you were generally worried it would blow up leaving you with severe burns.
“I’m an idiot.” You gasped falling forward into the box lid clattering somewhere off to the side. A soft leather jacket breaking your fall, next to Hoseok’s spiked mask. That was close. Taking a deep breath you tried to wriggle towards the edge of the box only falling deeper into the soft leather. You heard the door to the prop room open.
“Where did she go?” Exasperation dripping off the strangers words.
“We will find her later, we have to take the props out quickly.”
The box was lifted and you dove under the fabric hiding in the jacket pocket. Hoping not to be spotted by anyone. They began taking things from the box. Please don’t throw or drop me.” You whispered
“Hey, my old leather jacket,” Yoongi grinned, “This is from when we were shooting danger.”
“Yoongi it’s your turn to get your hair done.” He walked over and sat in the chair, squished against the arm of the chair and his body. Pushing him he moved slightly making a small noise of confusion.
“Stay here, I just need to grab another bottle of heat protectant spray,” the stylist said, Yoongi’s hand went into the pocket and your only defense mechanism was to curl up in a ball. He pulled you from his pocket and looked down at you confused.
If you were to fall you weren’t sure you would survive, the world was so big and you were so small. “What is- Y/n?” He shut his mouth quickly and hid you close to him, “what is going on?”
“I was getting props and I bumped the lever and got miniaturized,” You sighed sitting in his hand, “That’s not the only problem I think the machine is broken, meaning I might be stuck like this forever.”
“You are going to have to hide in my pocket, we will figure this out once the shooting is done.” He said with a small smile sliding you back into his jacket pocket. “My very own tiny hand warmer.”
Your cheeks flushed as you tried to make yourself comfortable in his pocket. It wasn’t the most fun experience, the dancing was erratic and you were starting to feel sick. That and the temperature in the small space was climbing.
After a few takes Yoongi went to get a drink pulling you from his pocket and smiling. “I am sorry, it mustn’t be comfortable.”
“Yoongi, it’s time for solo scenes,” Seokjin said, “I just finished mine, so you are up next.”
“Alright, um… Y/n, accidentally shrunk herself,” Yoongi lifted you into the older members view, still keeping you hidden from the other staff members. Seokjin’s face split into a grin as he let out a little aegyo whine. Yoongi was being called again so he gently placed you in Seokjin’s hand, “Can you hold her for a bit and keep her safe and out of sight?”
“Hello love, tell me how I look, is my handsome face as beautiful up close.” He laughed holding you up close to his face, eyes big, you laughed at how silly he looked when he was cinema sized.
“Your jokes are funnier when you are this big,” You giggled and he scoffed, your laugh had caught the attention of Jungkook. Once he recognized you, he bore a mischievous smile. The fake maknae and the golden maknae were quick to taunt and tease you, poking your sides and making you giggle some more. “ᵀʰᶦˢ ᶦˢⁿ'ᵗ ᶠᵃᶦʳ!”
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Beta: n/a (at the moment) Rating:All(Marked Chapters 18+) Pairing: Hybrid!BTS x FailedHybrid!Reader Genre: Hybrid au, fluff, action, adventure, angst, drama, slice of life. Some marked chapters will contain mature/smut scenes, BUT they will not have plot in those scenes and are 100% skippable without losing your place in the story.
Summary:Human’s strive to be better, faster and stronger looking to animal DNA. Thus Hybrids are born. As the rise for designer and Pedigree Hybrids increase, so do the failed attempts. There is one species scientists are unsuccessful in creating, but, folklore says they have been here all along, hiding and blending in with the humans for many millennia. How clever they are.
There was something hard about bringing up such a topic with all the members in the house. You knew what needed to be discussed, but it was getting to those topics that were hard. It became even more awkward once Jimin returned, he seemed super affectionate which you loved, it was good to finally express some of the feelings you had locked away. It was the looks from the others that made it hard, the way they tried not to touch you. The hierarchy shifted slightly and suddenly they didn’t want to anger Jimin, for fear they would be kicked out. It wasn’t healthy for them to live in fear and tip toe around you.
On top of all this emotional relationship stuff there was work to be done, currently everyone in the house was in University excluding Jimin and yourself and you were trying your best to help each of them where they needed it, keeping them fed, showered, well rested and happy was taxing.
Jungkook was struggling with his class and you decided to help him by creating flash cards for his upcoming exam. It was in the middle of your study session that Jimin stepped behind you wrapping his arms around your waist and kissing your neck softly. You didn’t want to cause a scene but it tickled and the giggles escaped without your permission. Closing your eyes and melting back against Jimin’s chest, it felt almost scandalous like you shouldn’t be caught showing affection which you knew wasn’t true.
Huffing and standing Jungkook’s chair clattered loudly startling you from your moment, Jimin stepped around you looking concerned. “Jungkook?”
Jungkook was angry, his chest heaving underneath his thin black shirt, his eyes were sharp and his tail fluffed. Jimin reacted instinctively, not meaning to but his tail fluffed as well and the two were growling and hissing low at one another. “What is your problem?”
“I am sick of you acting like you care so much about Y/n, when you were the first one to turn your back on her when you found out she wasn’t human.” Jungkook shouted, figures came rushing from the hall and spilling into the living and dining area.
Words were thrown back and forth and just as things were starting to look physical you threw yourself between the two receiving a punch to the jaw. Jungkook looked horrified and Jimin was being physically restrained by the others. Blinking until your head cleared, you caught sight of Jungkook’s nose pinkened and his cheeks wet as his chest shook with tears. “I-I didn’t-”
He took off to his room slamming the door and though he was trying to be quiet in a house full of hybrids and animalistic beings. You heard every choke, sniffle and cry he tried to press into the pillow. You assure Jimin and the others you are okay and laugh, obviously it didn’t feel good and you had a splitting headache from the impact, but you weren’t a trembling flower.
Letting Jungkook get all his emotions out, you formulated what you should do and how to proceed from here. It shouldn’t have gotten this far, fights shouldn’t have broken out. The sound of a zip didn’t seem particularly alarming, nor did the sound of the cupboard doors, until you thought about it a moment longer.
Jungkook was packing a bag. Scrambling to his door you earnestly knocked, receiving only a sorrowful whine. Yoongi looked at you from a little way up the hallway, “He is a grown man with all the strength and mental maturity for making decisions but his emotional growth had been stunted, remember his hormones had been blocked for years, he is experiencing mood swings. He will act without thinking but it will ease up with time, just don’t give up on him yet.”
“I would never give up on him.” I huffed, saying the words firmly at the door hoping he would hear it. “Jungkook, please let me talk to you for a little bit.”
The door was unlocked, it was enough of an invitation. Stepping inside I saw him sitting on the bed, his head hanging low. The scent in the room was thick and you immediately understood the problem. Taking his bag you placed it on the floor and sat on his computer chair rolling it forward until you could place your hand on his knee for comfort.
“Look at me jungkook,” He looked up before averting his eyes back down and you chuckled softly. “I know it is pretty scary right now cause you are feeling a lot of different things, but I want to let you know that it is not safe for you to leave today okay.”
He looked up, his watery eyes confused at your words. “I mean I don’t want you to leave ever, but if you don’t want to be here I won’t force you to go kookie, it’s just that you are releasing some strong pheromones and I think you have started your rut. It would be best if you really do want to leave to stay here until it passes.” you patted his head letting him nuzzle his cheek and nose into your hand. Agreeing to wait until after his heat to make a decision.
As you stepped out, Jimin caught the door, moving slowly inside, appearing kind of small as he made to sit beside Jungkook. He began talking to Jungkook quietly and asking him if there was anything that could help him through his rut. The younger male shrugged not knowing what he would need or want, being his first time experiencing something like this.
You left the two alone hoping they would be able to talk about what they were both feeling in the moment before they started fighting. You made a mental note to talk to Jimin and ask him to perhaps back off from being too physical in front of everyone. Heading over to the calendar wanting to document Jungkook’s rut for the purpose of monitoring his health. Plus it would be easy for him to plan his life around his body’s schedule.
As you wrote ‘Jungkook’s Rut’ on the calendar you looked to see the next two days filled already. ‘Yoongi’s Rut’ and ‘Namjoon’s Rut’. Pausing you took a shaky breath. This wasn’t going to be easy but you knew they wouldn’t hurt you, they were respectful boys, but with so many hormonal men, it would probably induce the others and you would be dealing with no doubt seven hybrids in their Rut cycle.
Or you can ‘Like’ this post (but good luck trying to find it a week later, we both know how many things you like a day, perhaps we will meet again in the future.)
Beta: n/a (at the moment) Rating:All(Marked Chapters 18+) Pairing: Hybrid!BTS x FailedHybrid!Reader Genre: Hybrid au, fluff, action, adventure, angst, drama, slice of life. Some marked chapters will contain mature/smut scenes, BUT they will not have plot in those scenes and are 100% skippable without losing your place in the story.
Summary:Human’s strive to be better, faster and stronger looking to animal DNA. Thus Hybrids are born. As the rise for designer and Pedigree Hybrids increase, so do the failed attempts. There is one species scientists are unsuccessful in creating, but, folklore says they have been here all along, hiding and blending in with the humans for many millennia. How clever they are.
You knew the exact moment each hybrid figured out what you had done. Stepping through the door you were bombarded by the two youngest, it had almost become a ritual to be engulfed in hugs and nuzzles but upon impact, you saw their faces contort into a mix of horror and disgust. Both young men blanch and throw themselves back in order to avoid being contaminated by this new addition to your scent.
Taehyung’s small whine was subtle compared to the sound of despair and anger that left Jungkooks’s throat, the two backed away retreating quietly to their rooms. It hurt, the two most affectionate ones in the house treating you with hostility and almost ignoring you. Could you blame them, they had all but confessed their feelings to you and you brought home another scent.
Your heart hurt, like being rejected. Was this a rejection? Did you ruin your relationship? You knew that you had grown too close to each of them. Getting to know each of them one by one, find out their fears, goals, and passions. Never in your life had you ever thought about cheating, and only recently had the concept of multiple partners been brought to your attention.
Was it considered cheating that you had shared an intimate moment with Jimin without the others? Was it selfish that you in fact were coming to terms that you might want to love and receive love from all of the males in the shared house? This was beyond your mental capacity but was it really fair on Yoongi to hear all your secrets. Beginning to feel insecure about how one-sided the relationship had become.
Stalking to the bathroom feeling dirty, guilt like acid in your chest corroding its way up your throat. Scrubbing your skin red with soap and scalding water, the tears falling until they began to sting your eyes. Did you regret what you had done? Never. Then why did you feel ashamed?
A faint knock came from the bathroom door, and you choked back a silent sob, “Yes, I’m hoping out, sorry”
Dressing quickly and rushing outside without a moment of hesitation. Needing to remove yourself from the house, for some fresh air in hopes that it might clear your head. Everything was becoming tight like the walls were closing in. Gripping the railing with tight fists. Breath in for five, hold it for five, release for five, hold for five and repeat.
Twelve rounds in and you had relieved the feeling of suffocation but the bitter feelings stayed anchored heavy in your chest. It was a familiar scent that had calmed you, coming back to the present with warm arms wrapped around your waist.
“Hey, are you okay?” Hoseok asked, rotating you in his arms until you were face too well, chest with the hybrid male. He took your cheeks in his hands and brought his nose to yours brushing the two together with a cute little sound effect. “Boing”
“Come to my secret hideout,” Hoseok led you through some overgrown hedges to where you found a secret little stone bench tucked away. It seemed Hoseok had found and claimed the area. He ducked under a small branch and held it up for you to pass under. “It is a little messy but I like it.”
“I can help you clean it up, we could prune and make it pretty” you mumbled, wanting to spend time with the young man. You wanted to know more of what was under the surface when it came to Hoseok.
“Pretty is nice, but this is real, untouched, this is how it has grown on its own and I think that’s special don’t you. Why should I try to shape something to fit what I want, will it make the plants happy? They grow in their own special ways however the wind and the rain guide them and they do it with every fiber of their being.” He giggled, “It’s like you, you never try to shape us differently or make us do anything we don’t want to, you let us grow in our own special way.”
“Hoseok…” You looked up at him close to tears, this is what you wanted. You wanted Hybrids to gain some self-worth.
“I think seeing something so natural and full of raw emotion and effort is way more beautiful than pretending to fit in.” Hoseok’s eyes were on you and you understood he had slyly moved the conversation to your insecurities about fitting in somewhere in the world. “Just be yourself and the right people will step into your garden and they will think you are beautiful.”
“Can I ask you something?” You whispered, picking lint off your pants, “Is it wrong to want multiple partners?”
“Can I tell you something, Red deer hybrids are polyamorous, I see it as a natural beautiful thing, I told you when it was brought up that I love the family we created because well, a part of me thought we were already all in a relationship. It hurt to think it was all in my head, but the way we were acting was the same as the herd back home on the farm.” Hoseok rubbed the back of his neck.
Hoseok dove into his past telling you about growing up being teased by the other young bucks and the two of you laughed about Hoseok’s mischievous adolescence getting back at his bullies. He made you open up, it was different compared to talking with Yoongi, Yoongi helped you work on yourself but Hoseok was just a friendly unbiased ear.
“That’s great that you and Jimin finally established a relationship, there was always some strange tension there, and I can see how the boys would take it hard. Don’t hold it against them, they aren’t mad at you. If anything they are upset, you see they are so young and everything seems so dramatic at that age. You smelling like another hybrid to them is like you saying “I hate you and I never want to be with you. Just a little time and some assurance and they will see they aren’t getting kicked out nor is the world ending.”
“I should probably talk to them both,” You hummed, processing Hoseok’s words and understanding a little more why the boys behaved so reserved earlier that afternoon.
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YN has only ever dreamed of a world where she gets to care for her animals and sit by the beach, doing nothing but the things she wants.
Jimin has never allowed himself to dream of anything. He is owned. He is someone else’s property. He can’t dream of freedom because to dream is to yearn and to yearn is to be disappointed.
Still, what happens when a woman full of dreams and a man terrified of his own come together?
Masterlist / i don’t have a tag list / find me on twitter / word count: 2.3k
(AU: While I enjoy writing realistic stories, this one has many ‘common sense’ holes that I would like you to ignore for the sake of the fantasy world creation. Future smut and gore. Jimin is a badass. He’s also deaf. This story will only be about 10-15 chapters long. Shorter than my other ones. I’ve already written up 6 so far. I’ll update once a month. Hope you like it!)
(yandere / angst / gore/ fluff / smut / violence)
Chapter 3: ‘Newness’
The man wakes up some time later and you walk him into the passenger seat of the car. The inside of the vehicle has some blood stains that twist your stomach. The man notices the blood, and he stares at the patches with an unreadable expression on his face. He only jolts when you put a hand on his shoulder and he allows you to hoist him into the car.
You got him into the passenger seat and try to drive as carefully as possible to get him back to your place. He winces and jolts a little but you can tell he’s trying to put on a brave face, clutching at his wounds tightly. His skin grows pale and sickly-looking during the short ride, and you know that he was going to have to spend some days recovering.
Your place isn’t small, thankfully. You had a house all to yourself; a bathroom and kitchen separate from the living room and bedroom. It wasn’t enough for a family, by any means, but it was more than ample enough for you and the space you wanted to make a life in for the next half a decade.
You get him into the house without being seen, for once grateful for the sleepiness of the town you live in, and when you finally have him in your space, laying on a towel on the bed, you ask, “What am I supposed to call you?”
He shrugs and makes a sweeping gesture.
You take it to mean, Anything is okay.
He didn’t have the energy to write any more. His eyes slide closed but you tap his uninjured foot with your knuckle, making him jerk.
You say, ignoring his vicious glare, “I’ll let you sleep. I’ll wake you up when you’re supposed to eat something.”
He nods, eyes sliding closed and he waves you off, a little more purposefully. I’m too sleepy for this. You read from his behavior.
You close the bedroom door and move into the living room. You were going to have to work half-shifts instead of full ones to keep an eye on the animals until you could hire someone to house-keep. You had been looking for an assistant since even before your old boss had hurt himself, because of his old and your growing responsibilities at the clinic.
It takes you about an hour to send off some e-mails, inquiring about any veterinary assistants in any nearby town or fresh graduates who were interested in studying under you, before you move to make dinner.
The stranger had been sleeping soundlessly for hours, even after you check on him randomly, part of you worried about him somehow getting into your panty drawer or pulling a knife and trying to kill you, even though you know, logically, that he wouldn’t even be able to hold up a pencil let alone a weapon.
You make him porridge, full of nutrients and blended into something smooth and easy for him to eat, and you cook up some bulgogi and quinoa for yourself.
When you walk into your bedroom, you notice the air in the room edging on the cusp of stale so you open one of the windows and let in a gust of fresh Fall breeze. It was going to rain soon, probably later that night actually, from the heavy scent of rain on the wind, so you are grateful to you of days past for having already gone grocery shopping for the rest of the month.
Living with another person was going to burn you through the food you had a lot faster than you had planned so while you set up the food, you make a list of things you’ll probably need for him.
“Hey, Mister,” you say, shaking his shoulder, gently. “It’s time for dinner.”
Groggily, he rouses from his sleep. “Mmmm?”
“Dinner,” you repeat once his eyes are opened and he seems aware of his surroundings. You help him into a more seated position, not ignorant to the pain he must be in from the clenching on his jaw. “It’s only porridge. I tried not to make it spicy or too salty, but you have to let me know if it isn’t to your taste.”
He sniffs the broth and he gets a dazed look on his face. The man’s stomach gurgles, loudly, and he looks away, embarrassed.
“Can you manage by yourself?”
The man exhales before he nods, taking the spoon in a shaky grip. His eyes are big, all lost and frightened, and he waits, patiently, for you to place the bowl in his lap, a thin towel beneath it to assuage some of the heat.
You grab your own bowl of food from the tray on the desk and cross your legs. He stares at you, waiting, glancing between your bowl and your face, before he raises his eyebrows, expectantly.
He was waiting for you to start eating so you could eat together. You give him a small smile, which he returns with his own, kind and innocent.
“Bon appetit.“
The two of you eat in relative silence but whenever you glance up from your own bowl, you see him demolishingthe plate. He finishes long before you even get through half of your meal and he seems to want more if the eager look on his face says anything.
You swallow a mouthful and ask, trying to hide your amusement, “Are you still hungry?”
He chews his bottom lip as he nods, sincerely.
With a satisfied smile, you take his bowl, uncurling your legs to get off the bed and disappear into the living room. You feel his eyes on you from the bedroom, which looks directly into the kitchen area from where he is laying down.
“There’s plenty more if you like,” you tell him as you hand it back. This bowl isn’t as hot, and he takes his time with this one, eating slower and savoring the taste of each bite. His nostrils flare as he eats, brows twitching in interest as he eats.
He’s shockingly beautiful, even like this, bandaged and bruised.
You grab a new notepad, one of the loose-leaf paper ones you stole from the clinic to help you with your late-night studies.
“I can give you this to write in until we figure out a better way for you to communicate with me,” you tell him after tapping his leg to get his attention.
The man nods and excitedly takes the pad from you, putting it next to him before he goes back to the food. Clearly his priorities lay firmly with getting his sustenance before anything else.
Some time later, after you had washed up the dishes and had carefully changed his bandages, you ask, “How do you feel?”
He didn’t put a shirt on on your recommendation, to let the injuries air out, and you have to force your eyes to stop wandering. His chest is so much more impressive now that he’s conscious and in motion. Perfect wash-board abs, his detailed, dark pectoral tattoos shifting as his muscles move when he scribbles his responses down. He was an absolute specimenof a man, something to be studied in a book somewhere.
Suddenly, he turns the notepad around, surprising you, with a tight look on his face. Like I got run over by a semi-truck.
You snort a little, gesturing to his arm. “I took a bullet out of your shoulder. You’re lucky that you’re conscious. I still think being in a hospital would be better for you.”
He doesn’t even answer. The look on his face alone is enough to remind you of his staunch lack of a desire to go the official route.
“I got it,” you comment, exhaling in minor frustration. “I’ve thought of a name for you.”
He quirks a brow in curiosity. What is it?
“Jay,” you respond. “You have a neck tattoo of the letter. It’s pretty big, so maybe your name begins with it, or someone you care about has their initial. And this is a mocking jay bird on your inner arm.”
He gingerly raises an arm to touch the side of his neck, fingers tracing the lightly raised skin. I don’t even know what I look like.
You move to grab a hand-held mirror from your vanity and hold it up for him, at eye-level.
“You’re pretty,” you compliment as he looks at his own reflection in momentary fascination.
I’m handsome.
You roll your eyes at the proud expression on his face. He keeps looking at himself, tilting his head from side to side.
“Being smug isn’t a good look,” you retort, glibly. You remove the mirror, putting it back where it belongs, and stand, putting your hands on your hips. “I’m getting ready to go to sleep. You can take the bed, I’ll sleep on the couch.”
He stares at you, not comprehendingly, almost as if he doesn’t want to be alone. He scrambles to write something quickly. Why? The bed’s big enough for both of us.
“No offense, but you stink,” you tell him with a twist to your lips. “Plus, I don’t feel comfortable sharing a bed with a patient.”
His frown deepens slightly as he takes a covert sniff of his body, but his face twists into a grimace as he realizes you aren’t lying. Jay writes more down. I’m not your patient. You aren’t a doctor.
“I’m the one who stitched you up. I’m the closest thing you have to a doctor, Jay,” you respond, putting a hand on his shoulder in a comforting gesture. He looks up at you through his lashes before you say, “Get some sleep.”
Jay sighs, heavily, before he acquiesces, shuffling down on the bed and you switch off the lights, bathing him in darkness. You try to be quiet, milling around in the bathroom as you shower and ready yourself for sleep. With still damp hair, you walk back into the living room and stare down at the couch. You would be lying if you said that you hadn’t spent your fair share of nights on the couch, having got too lost in a late night whirlpool and slept there with the tv still playing in the background. You always woke up with a crick in your neck and some kind of new bruise from how you turn in your sleep.
You toss out the blanket on the couch and curl into a warm ball. You fall asleep to the calming sounds of the beginning of Fall rain, body relaxing in slow increments until you’re gone, drifting in a sea of comforting darkness.
In the middle of the night, you are jolted out of your sleep by the sound of thunder, clapping mercilessly loud in the distance. You get out of bed, your bladder calling for you to go to the bathroom. Once you’re done with your business, you wash your hands and come out of the bathroom, but something catches your attention.
A groaning sound.
But the sound was so unbearably sad that it made your heart ache.
You walk into the bedroom, quietly poking your head into the shadowy room to see Jay, his face contorted in agony, biting so hard on his lower lip that he had long broke the skin and was dripping blood down his chin.
Instantly you are by his side, reaching for his clenched fist by his side.
“Shh,” you murmur, patting his head in tender motions. You know he can’t hear you, but you keep muttering soft sounds, running your hands up and down his scalp, rubbing small circles on the back of his hands with your thumb. You used to get nightmares a lot as a kid, easily frightened by the smallest thing, so your mom often had to cuddle you back into sleep’s embrace this exactly way. You whisper, softly, “It’s okay. You’re safe.”
It doesn’t stop the nightmare from playing behind his eyes, but you notice a degree of tension leaving his body the longer you comfort him. His moaning and grumbling taper off, gradually, as you rub the crook of your finger up and down the side of his face, back and forth along the side of his jaw.
You keep petting him, shifting onto your side so you could wrap yourself around his trembling body. It felt more intimate than it actually was, knowing that you were only providing physical support to someone in need, but the optics were saying something different. You look into the mirror directly opposite to the bed, observing yourself. Hair messy, sleep still in your eye and lines from the cushion that you had been using as a pillow pressed into the skin of your neck and face.
It appeared too intimate for you to stomach, so you look away, embarrassed.
You move to get away once he had stopped gnawing through his lip, thinking your job done, but he whimpers like a struck animal and grabs your hand tighter.
He mouths words, but no sound comes out. Jay’s thick brows twitch in displeasure as he grabs your hand tighter, almost pulling you back into the pocket of warmth at his side and he settles quickly after.
“You’re going to be such a handful,” you grumble, shuffling a little to get comfortable in his iron-grip.
Summary: How many men will it take to save you? To be honest, you’ve gotten pretty used to saving yourself. Even though you’re far from a delicate thing, Los Angeles is a dangerous place you can’t seem to escape no matter how hard you try. The top 7 members of Bangtan should never have crossed your path, but they soon find they’d do just about anything to help you escape your past and make it safe for you to stay. But will you?
Genre: mafia au, poly ot7, angst, some smut, honestly a lot more fluff than i expected, POC reader/oc
A/N [very important please read]: This story takes place in LA. Reader (AKA Val) is a Mexican national. The members are part of a Korean gang operating in LA known as Bangtan. There’s some Spanish thrown in here or there but I think context explains most of it. Dialogue in italics indicates that the speaker is using either Spanish or Korean in order to exclude some of those present while talking to others. Another important thing to note about the reader is that although I typically try to describe the character’s body as little as possible to be inclusive, this character has very specific physical traits related to her biography, so just be aware of that. I reall hope you enjoy reading it. I LOVE interacting with the readers so please let me know what you think about the characters, theories, my use of commas, whatever.
Chapter warnings: cursing (as always, but this time in Spanish!), mentions of sex, jimin’s a hoe, both Tae and reader are orphans so yeah, alcohol
Taehyung left Namjoon’s office feeling rather satisfied. Tonight had been an easy night, smooth and according to plan. He received the shipment at the docks, everything in order and two grand to pad his pockets. After reporting to his boss, the rest of the summer night was wide open and hot with possibilities.
There wasn’t a thing Taehyung didn’t love about his life. And why should he? He had it all. Incredible good looks, money, and power. And if he had to commit a few crimes to keep it that way, what did he care? It was the only life he’d ever known or wanted, to be part of the Bangtan gang that ran LA’s Koreatown, among other things.
Taehyung walked away from the back office, out to the public space on the second floor. Jimin was waiting for him, but they’d both agreed they were looking for something—or someone—else tonight, though a threesome didn’t sound like a bad idea, if they agreed on someone. Taehyung met him at the edge of the second story that only extended through half of the club, giving him a view of the large dance floor in the main room below. He gripped the railing and scanned the space below, waiting for something unknown to catch his eye.
taehyung is just so enamored (!!!) with her already sniff sniff i’m just going to be crying here in the corner, alright?
i’m really curious to see how the other boys will react to her when they meet her !! and also how the relationship between her and jimin will progress because they already met and he slept with her friend so i really liked it
He’s really crazy about her! Jimin has slept with a whole lot of people, so she’ll really just have to get over that
Summary: How many men will it take to save you? To be honest, you’ve gotten pretty used to saving yourself. Even though you’re far from a delicate thing, Los Angeles is a dangerous place you can’t seem to escape no matter how hard you try. The top 7 members of Bangtan should never have crossed your path, but they soon find they’d do just about anything to help you escape your past and make it safe for you to stay. But will you?
Genre: mafia au, poly ot7, angst, some smut, honestly a lot more fluff than i expected, POC reader/oc
A/N [very important please read]: This story takes place in LA. Reader (AKA Val) is a Mexican national. The members are part of a Korean gang operating in LA known as Bangtan. There’s some Spanish thrown in here or there but I think context explains most of it. Dialogue in italics indicates that the speaker is using either Spanish or Korean in order to exclude some of those present while talking to others. Another important thing to note about the reader is that although I typically try to describe the character’s body as little as possible to be inclusive, this character has very specific physical traits related to her biography, so just be aware of that. I reall hope you enjoy reading it. I LOVE interacting with the readers so please let me know what you think about the characters, theories, my use of commas, whatever.
Chapter warnings: cursing (as always, but this time in Spanish, too!), mentions of sex, jimin’s a hoe, both Tae and reader are orphans so yeah, alcohol
Taehyung left Namjoon’s office feeling rather satisfied. Tonight had been an easy night, smooth and according to plan. He received the shipment at the docks, everything in order and two grand to pad his pockets. After reporting to his boss, the rest of the summer night was wide open and hot with possibilities.
There wasn’t a thing Taehyung didn’t love about his life. And why should he? He had it all. Incredible good looks, money, and power. And if he had to commit a few crimes to keep it that way, what did he care? It was the only life he’d ever known or wanted, to be part of the Bangtan gang that ran LA’s Koreatown, among other things.
Taehyung walked away from the back office, out to the public space on the second floor. Jimin was waiting for him, but they’d both agreed they were looking for something—or someone—else tonight, though a threesome didn’t sound like a bad idea, if they agreed on someone. Taehyung met him at the edge of the second story that only extended through half of the club, giving him a view of the large dance floor in the main room below. He gripped the railing and scanned the space below, waiting for something unknown to catch his eye.
And that something was you.
In the center of the dance floor you were almost impossible to miss. The light beige of your dress contrasted beautifully where it clung against your warm tawny skin. The fringe of your short skirt danced in time with your long black hair as you moved your body to the loud club music. Even from far away, Taehyung could tell your body was fit, but curvy in all the best ways, giving you a beautiful figure. The thought of what you might feel like, how you would fit in his hands transfixed him for an immeasurable amount of time. The only thing that jogged him from his fantasies was your eyes when they looked up and met his. An intoxicating smile spread across your lips before you looked down shyly and giggled. He needed to know what that sounded like.
The song you were dancing to ended and he watched your friend grab you by the hand, pulling you off the dance floor. If you were planning to leave, Taehyung needed to talk to you first, and that instinct got his feet moving quickly. He bumped into a few people on his way down the stairs because his eyes refused to leave you, and he only slowed when he realized you were just going to the bar and not out of Club Seoul. With Jimin following, an amused laugh on his lips, Taehyung made a beeline for the bar.
“Hello,” he greeted with a smile when he sidled up beside you at the bar.
Your dark chocolate eyes flashed wide for a moment before you returned his smile. “Hi.”
“I saw you dancing.” Taehyung leaned his elbow on the bar in front of you.
“I saw you see me,” you replied. You turned to your friend, and cringed, but if you were awkward he didn’t notice, desperate just to have you looking at him again. Taehyung was used to having girls be shy in front of him, frequently stunned into spontaneous mutism by his uncommon good looks, but right now all he was thinking about was you.
“Can I get you a drink?” He asked when you looked back up at his face.
You pointed to the bar, where a bartender was pouring out two shots for you and the other girl. “We already have some.”
“Two more, please, Doyun. And leave the bottle.” The man behind the bar did as Taehyung instructed and then went to get the waters you had asked for.
“You come here a lot?” You asked, noticing the familiar way he spoke with Doyun.
“I practically live here,” Taehyung replied as he passed one of the tequila shots to Jimin. He leaned in closer as the music seemed to get louder. “Maybe you’d like to come up to our VIP room.” His eyes shifted from you up to the second floor and you felt your cheeks heat. You hadn’t even taken your shot yet.
“I don’t even know your name!” You yelled back over the music.
“I’m Tae!” He flashed you his beautiful smile. “It’s nice to meet you-?”
“Val!”
Taehyung clinked his shot glass against yours. “Cheers, Val!” He lifted the glass to his lips and the three of you did the same.
“So, Val, what do you say?” His offer still hung in the air around you.
You looked nervously between Tae and your friend, but she nudged your back. “Can I bring my friend?”
Taehyung nodded happily. “Of course! Follow Jimin!” He pointed to the smaller man beside him, and he led the way toward the stairs while Taehyung grabbed the bottle of tequila off the counter and walked behind you. He shamelessly kept his eyes glued to your round ass as you walked up the stairs behind your two friends.
Jimin led you into a comfortably furnished room with glass tables and soft red couches. You were taller than Jimin with your wedges on, but your smaller friend looked just the right size beside him when they sat together on one of the couches, leaving you to sit next to Taehyung.
Jimin smiled at her and then looked over at Taehyung. “They’re pretty. Good choice.”
“I’m not sharing.” Taehyung scowled at Jimin as you shared a confused look with your friend, neither of you understanding their Korean. “That’s Jimin. He speaks English. He just forgot his manners,” the taller man explained with a pointed look.
Jimin chuckled beautifully, a stunning smile lighting up his face. “I’m sorry.”
Taehyung turned his eyes from the other man to study your face. “So, Val, where are you from?”
Jimin’s accent was thicker than Taehyung’s, which was barely there. It was little more than something slightly off about the way his mouth wrapped around certain sounds, the sort of accent one gained when learning a second language as a young child. Jimin’s was more like your own, one gained in adolescence.
You looked around as if you were cautious about speaking, but decided it was okay. “I’m from Mexico.”
“That’s cool!” Taehyung responded with an enthusiastic smile and threw his arm over the back of the couch, moving a few inches closer to you. “I went to Cancun last year with my boss. Have you been?”
You shook your head, holding back a smile. “I bet it’s beautiful.”
“It is. You’d look even more beautiful there,” Taehyung mused, making Jimin’s chest bubble with his musical laughter.
“I think we need more shots if we’re going to listen to this…”
“Mariana,” the girl by Jimin’s side told him.
“Mariana,” Jimin repeated with a playful tap of his finger under her chin, then he turned to pour out four more shots. You all took them before Taehyung drew your attention back to him, firing off another question before you had the chance.
“Are you just visiting?”
Mariana answered for you, but she was clearly talking to Jimin while the two of them eye fucked each other. “No, we live close by.” Jimin hummed as she touched his arm. You rolled your eyes and looked back at Tae.
“You live in Koreatown?”
“Yeah, we both work at Little Bar.” You looked over at your roommate but she was fully ignoring the two of you now, talking in whispers with Jimin before he poured them each another shot.
“That little hole in the wall?” You nodded. “Damn. You should get a job here. You’d get much better tips.” He winked and you giggled, a happy sound to his ears.
“We do alright. It’s lowkey but we don’t get that many tourists. The pay is alright and the hours aren’t bad."
Taehyung nodded. "Are you a student?” He asked, thinking you couldn’t be much more than twenty-one.
You hummed and continued answering Taehyung’s barrage of questions while Jimin and Mariana got closer and closer. Less than fifteen minutes later, the two of them were making out on the couch, and you and Tae were trying your best to ignore them.
“So, you live close?” Jimin asked when he broke apart for air, perhaps a bit louder than he really intended.
“Yeah, let’s get out of here. Val?” Mariana stood and looked down at you.
“Yeah, sure,” you agreed a little reluctantly. “Tae, it was–”
“I can drive you,” he offered hopefully.
“Oh it’s really not that far, just a few blocks.”
“That’s okay. It will save me the walk back.” He beamed his smile down at you.
It seemed to take you a moment to respond and Taehyung wondered if it was the shots or his smile that dazed you. “Um, you’ve been drinking.”
“Just what I had with you. I’ll be fine. And it’s not far right?” He pushed.
“Aish. Just let him show you his car,” Jimin smirked and began walking from the room, putting the conversation to rest.
Taehyung had gone home after finishing his job for the night to get Jimin and switch his company car for his personal one, a sleek 1966 red mustang convertible in perfect condition. He was thrilled to see that you looked at least somewhat impressed when he led you to see his prized possession.
“Hop in,” he encouraged you. You glanced back at the other couple, already clinging to each other. “Let them take the back seat and ignore them,” he shrugged.
You smiled and slipped into the passenger seat while Jimin helped Mariana into the back by lifting her over the side of the car, making her squeal gleefully before he jumped in with her. Once everyone was settled, Tae pulled out of his spot right in front of the club and followed your directions to your apartment complex. It really was so close you didn’t have time for any more conversation than that, but you could hear kissing sounds from behind you and it made you a little red. Taehyung had barely come to a stop before Jimin was jumping out of the car and bringing Mariana with him.
“Quédate, Valentina,” your roommate said firmly just as you were reaching for the door handle. You stopped your movement and tried not to sigh.
“I’ll call you to come get me later,” Jimin told Tae at the same time, sending him a wink. Then the two rushed toward the gate to the courtyard.
“What did she say?” Taehyung asked as you fidgeted in your seat while you watched them go up the stairs to your apartment.
“She told me to stay, but don’t worry once they get inside I’ll just go sit in the courtyard.”
“Or you can stay with me,” he offered, just as shyly as you had spoken. He wasn’t sure why you made him nervous, maybe he was just feeding off the energy you were giving him. He wasn’t usually this shy and awkward with women.
“Oh, you don’t have to entertain me.”
He blew you off, pushing air through his teeth. “It would be my pleasure. Besides, they’re gonna be a while.”
“How do you know?” You followed his gaze up to your apartment door where they were finally walking in.
“Because Jimin makes it last forever.”
“How do you know?” You repeated innocently.
“Jimin and I are kind of together. I mean, we sleep together. Sometimes,” he admitted but wished he’d kept his mouth shut, in case it freaked you out.
You sputtered for a moment, not quite sure how to respond to that information. “But he—are you upset?” You finally asked, brown cheeks turning red, although it was hard to tell in the darkness.
“No. I mean, it’s not a big deal. We’re both bi and we’re open. We agreed to look for other partners tonight, and he only found Mariana because I picked you so…” he trailed off as your eyes went wide.
“You picked me?” Your voice rose an octave.
“I–no–I…wait!” He stumbled frantically over his thoughts trying to find the right thing to say.
“I’m not-” you were clearly equally at a loss for words.
“I didn’t mean like that. Just, I noticed you first and it just so happened that Jimin is the one getting laid but-”
“I’m not gonna fuck you!” You interrupted.
Taehyung chuckled. “You sure? The back seat is very spacious.”
You stared at him for a moment before laughing genuinely and he sighed in relief that you knew he was joking.
“I’m sorry. I’m just not that…casual,” you said timidly. “I know it’s weird but…”
“No. It’s fine. Honestly. I shouldn’t have assumed.” His voice is gentler than it had been earlier in the evening, soft and deep now that he wasn’t trying to talk over music. It allowed him to feel more open.
Letting the information sink in, Taehyung found he liked your innocence, how soft and shy you were. It was a change from the women he usually met, and the men too. Maybe it was just a corruption kink but he wanted to know what it would be like to break you out of that shell and make you his.
“Are you a virgin?” He asked abruptly. You choked on your spit, too surprised by the question to be able to give an answer before Taehyung tried to fix things. “I’m sorry. That was a stupid question. Forget that I asked! Forget I said anything. Um…are you hungry?”
You took a deep breath before answering. “I am a little. But you don't–”
“Do you like arcades?"
"I- I’ve never been to one,” you shrugged.
Taehyung smiled and shifted into drive, pulling away from the curb. “I know just the place. I think you’ll like it.”
He turned up the radio and you leaned on your elbow against the car door, letting the wind flow through your hair as he drove you through familiar streets. He looked over at you frequently, catching glimpses of your face when you passed under street lights. He couldn’t tell at all what you were thinking, and that only made him want to know more.
Taehyung parked outside a pub with arcade games inside. He didn’t make it to your side in time to open your car door but he held the door of the restaurant open for you like a gentleman.
“You like burgers?” He asked when you were both inside. And you nodded quietly. “This place has the best. Go pick a table and I’ll order for us. You want a beer?” You nodded again, watching his smile grow boxy before he turned to step up to the counter and then you went to find a table near the back wall.
Taehyung placed your order and found you once he had your beers. He sat at a ninety degree angle to you at the four top table and sipped his beer in a comfortable silence while he tried to think of something to say. He’d been carrying the conversation for most of the night and you were both starting to feel a little self-conscious about it.
“Are you from LA?” You finally asked, after a couple of minutes had passed.
“I’ve lived here most of my life. But I was born in Singapore.”
“Like crazy rich Asians,” you blurted out before you slapped a hand over your mouth and mumbled ‘sorry.’
Taehyung laughed loudly. “Yeah, just like that. My parents were Korean, though,” Tae explained.
“Were?” You repeated softly, and he nodded.
“They died when I was five, so I moved here to live with my godfather.”
You gave him a weak smile under your wide sympathetic eyes and touched your fingertips gently to the back of his hand on the table. “I– I lost my parents when I was young too. I don’t remember my mother. And my dad died when I was fifteen.”
“Before or after you came here?” He wondered.
“Before.”
“Then you came all alone, just like me?” You nodded. A heavy silence hung in the air for a moment while you both drank. “Your roommate called you Valentina?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s pretty. Sweet. It suits you.” Your cheeks darkened at his compliment and your eyes flashed with a strange emotion, something close to satisfaction before it disappeared.
“Is Tae short for something?”
He licked the beer off his lip before he answered with a smile. “Taehyung.” He kept smiling as you did your best to get your mouth the syllables. He broke it down for you bit by bit, but the nuance eluded you. “I like Tae just fine,” he assured you.
You continued to share mundane details about your lives until the food came, taking a little less once you started eating. Taehyung watched each of your features shift as you talked, trying to parse out the signature of each emotion as they crossed your face. He listened patiently, trying to decipher some of your words or waiting for you to find the right one, amused even when your Spanish slipped into a phrase uninvited.
“Do you know how to drive?” Taehyung asked once you’d both finished eating.
“No,” you admitted, and he noted the little bit of terror in your eyes.
“That’s okay. Let’s see how much stuff you can hit,” he suggested cheekily, pointing to the game in the arcade room next door. You agreed eagerly and followed him.
It turned out you could hit a lot of stuff. But those games were always much harder than actual driving and in your second race you beat Taehyung by a hair. He got more and more excited as the competitive nature he shared with you came out of you more and more with each game you played. You were both good sports about it though, evenly matched, both winning and losing until you’d played every game in the arcade and it was closing time. Just as you were leaving the bar with light heads and lighter hearts, Taehyung’s phone rang.
“Come get me!” Jimin started before Taehyung even said hello.
“Yah! I’ll be there in a little bit,” he replied and hung up. “Let’s get you home,” he said to you, opening the door this time.
He knew Jimin would be annoyed if he took a long time, but he could walk to Club Seoul and get a ride from someone there if he was really in a rush. Taehyung wasn’t in a hurry for his night with you to end and he drove deliberately slowly back to your part of town. Halfway there, he got the courage to reach one long arm over, just brushing his thin fingers against yours where they rested on the bench before yours twiched toward him, and he laced them with a blissful smile. When he finally pulled up in front of your building, Jimin was standing with his arms crossed, tapping his foot in annoyance. You placed your hand on the handle, but Taehyung tugged on the one he still held.
“Wait. Um–” You looked at him with your big eyes and he almost lost his words. “Are you free tomorrow? I’d like to take you out again.”
You frowned at him. “I work every night this week. Maybe next week,” you added when his face fell.
“What time do you work tomorrow?” He pushed.
“I start at 5.”
“Then I’ll pick you up at noon, and we’ll go have some fun. Dress comfortably,” he instructed without bothering to wait for your response.
“Okay,” you smiled, and he finally released you. You left the door open so that Jimin could take your spot, and Taehyung waited until you were inside the gate to pull away.
“Was she good? What do you have that dopey grin on your face for?” Jimin teased.
“No. We didn’t have sex,” Taehyung admitted.
Jimin let out a disbelieving laugh. “What?”
“Jimin, I think I’m falling in love.”
Jimin wove his fingers into the hair at the back of Taehyung’s head and tugged gently. “Aish, Taehyung-ah. Just drive.” No sooner had Taehyung pulled away from the curb than Jimin’s phone began to ring. “It’s Namjoon hyung,” Jimin informed the driver after fishing his phone out of his pocket. “Bet you twenty bucks he needs us to drive him home,” Jimin quipped just before answering and putting the phone on speaker. “Hey, boss.”
“Are you with Taehyung?”
“Yeah, we’re just-”
“Come pick me up at the club.” Namjoon’s voice was firm, an angry edge in his tone, not a drunken lilt like they had expected.
“What’s going on?” Taehyung asked as he sped up.
“There was a break-in at the warehouse.”
“We’re right around the corner,” Tae told him as he made the turn. He didn’t even have time to put the car in park before Namjoon got in and they were driving again.
“A bit ostentatious for business, Taehyung,” Namjoon commented as he settled into the back seat.
“Sorry, hyung. I thought I was off the clock.”
Namjoon made a deep, dissatisfied sound in his chest. “It’s fine. Just drive carefully. Don’t need to draw any attention to ourselves.”
“Triads?” Jimin asked, turning over his shoulder. The boss hummed an affirmation.
“Getting pretty fucking bold,” Taehyung grumbled as he scanned the streets, making sure he wasn’t breaking any traffic laws.
Namjoon’s jaw flexed as he ran his thumb over the cool steel of his handgun. “We’ll just have to teach them a lesson they’ll remember.”
Normally your mind was empty while you worked out, lifting weights in an almost meditative state, but today your mind was filled with Taehyung. His perfect dark hair you were sure would be angel soft if you ran your fingers through it. His goofy, boxy grin you would try anything just to see. It was just a shame that practically everything you told him was a lie.
It wasn’t him. You lied to everyone. It was just second nature now, the way the name Valentina rolled off your tongue as if it had always been yours and not just for the last two years. There were three Valentinas in your class in elementary school. You thought it sounded like the name of someone who nice things happened to. Not someone like you.
Someone like Taehyung, or so you thought. Maybe it was the fact that you were so wrapped up in your own little lies that you missed the obvious signs of who he really was. But those would come later. Today he was just the cute boy you’d met yesterday, who was going to pick you up in—oh shit you were going to be late.
You rushed home from the gym to shower and clean your body of sweat, to make sure you smelled fresh and perfect, the way Taehyung should see you. When you got out of the shower you dried off and dressed quickly in a pair of jean shorts and a loose t-shirt. You stuck your head out the front door to see him leaning against his car in light slacks and thin, silky, flower patterned shirt, sunglasses covering his eyes. You tiptoes onto the landing to call out to him.
“Tae!” He looked up at you from whatever thoughts he was lost in. “I’m sorry, I’m running a little late. Give me five minutes?"
You couldn’t see his eyes, but his lips spread into a giddy smile. "Take your time, baby. I’ll wait all day.”
You smiled back at him and skipped back into the apartment. You would invite him in, but the place you shared with Mariana was really a one bedroom apartment she had shared with her ex and was desperately seeking a roommate for when you showed up, equally desperate for a place to live, so you’d accepted the living room that served as your bedroom. You changed your t-shirt to one that was a little nicer and tried to get as much water as possible from your hair with a towel since the blow dryer would just make you hot on an already hot day. After dragging a brush through your damp strands and slipping into sandals you were ready to go.
“I’m so sorry,” you apologized as you skipped down the metal steps toward the gate. “I was at the gym and I completely lost track of time.”
Taehyung smiled as he scanned your body up and down. “That’s okay. You’re worth the wait.” Your cheeks darkened as you waited for him to move away from the car so you could get in, but he was still admiring your body. Although you were slightly more covered than the night before, he was taking advantage of the daylight to get a good look at your body. After a moment you cleared your throat to get his attention.
“Shit.” Some mixture of a cough and a laugh came through his throat as he realized he was caught. “Sorry, you just look so good.” He got off the car and opened your door.
You whispered a thank you as you sat in the passenger seat and waited for him to walk to his side. “When are we going?” You asked after he started the engine.
“Santa Monica pier. I wanna see what other games I can beat you at.” He smirked as he pulled into the street.
“In your dreams,” you laughed as he drove away too fast.
“As long as you’re there, it will be,” he grinned and you both laughed at his cheesiness.
At the pier, Taehyung bought you both wristbands so you could go on every ride after you assured him you weren’t scared. In between, you stopped at practically every carnival game, trying to best each other as much as you tried to win the prizes. Taehyung was better than you at shooting games, but you beat him at darts. You could both throw balls and bean bags equally well, but neither of you were good at basketball, and you agreed no one could win ring toss games. Between the two of you, you won too many prizes for you to carry, and when you insisted to Tae that you couldn’t take them all home, you watched with a warm heart as he handed out your smaller toys to little kids as you walked up and down the pier. You only kept the large teddy bear that he won for you and held it close to your chest.
You saved the ferris wheel for last, and as you stood in line to get on, you knew exactly what you liked best about Taehyung. His carefree spirit brought out your inner child, one you would’ve sworn you didn’t have, since you’d barely had a childhood at all. He allowed her to walk in the golden sunlight that danced in his tan skin and feel the breeze that whipped up his thick, dark hair. Taehyung made you feel what you’d always wanted: an unquestionable freedom.
As you first approached the top you both sat quietly, though Taehyung slipped his hand into yours as he had grown more and more comfortable doing throughout the afternoon. He watched your face as you looked out at the ocean.
“Qué hermosa,” you whispered and he didn’t need to know what you said to know what you meant. He brushed back the strands of hair that the wind whipped across your face and left his hand cupping your cheek.
“It’s prettier in the evening, but I think it’s still pretty romantic now,” he murmured, his thumb stroking across your cheek. You watched his eyes flicker to your lips and found yourself doing the same. Closing your eyes as he leaned in, you waited for his kiss. It was chaste, soft and gentle, everything Taehyung was to you. It only lasted a moment but your heart swelled so much you couldn’t help feeling satisfied, with the hope you’d do it many more times. He kissed you a couple more times before you settled into his side and rested your head against his shoulder until your ride ended.
“Oh, I guess we better go,” he sighed when he looked at his phone. You’d be cutting it close for work.
“It’s alright, just take me straight to the bar,” you told him as he took your hand and hurried you to the car.
You couldn’t seem to get the smile off your face as he drove too fast through the city streets, arriving outside your bar with a couple minutes to spare—minutes he would fill with more kisses after he dragged you closer to him on the bench. He started off softly at first before his teeth gently pulled at your bottom lip, prying them apart so he could slip between your lips, catching just the tip of your tongue with his own. You gripped the back of his neck with both hands and kissed him deeper, pushing your tongue against his as you melted into his arms.
“I could kiss you all night,” he mumbled against your mouth. You smiled as you pulled away.
“Not this night,” you reminded him, trying to create a little distance between you, but he just tightened his arms around your waist and pecked your lips again before he released you.
“What about your new friend?” He asked, tilting his head toward the oversized bear in the back seat.
“Maybe you can keep him for a little while, and give him back to me later.”
“I’ll bring him back to you tonight, when I come pick you up. What time do you get off?”
“Two a.m., but…” You looked at him dubiously and he shook his head.
“I’m not trying to sleep with you. But he should. I just want to make sure you get home safe.” After a moment of thought, you nodded. It wasn’t like you could stop him from showing up if he wanted to anyway. You pecked his lips one more time before getting out of the car. “One last thing,” he pleaded, leaning dramatically over the front seat.
“What?”
“Give me your number,” he asked, handing you his phone. You put your number in quickly before tossing it back to him.
“I gotta go!” You called before you disappeared inside the bar.
“How was Prince Charming?” Mariana asked sarcastically as you slipped behind the counter, hurrying into the back room to put away your purse and change into the tank top you wore for work. You adjusted your bra to push up your breasts so they showed better in the low cut top. You slid on some lip gloss and put your hair up before checking yourself out in the mirror to go out.
You’d give you a tip if you had any cash to spare.
You did your best to avoid your friend’s gaze as you started moving around behind the bar. But of course she wouldn’t let you off that easily. There weren’t very many people in right now, just a few tables and one regular sitting at the bar.
“You let him fuck you yet?” Mariana grinned.
“Oh my god, no!” You hissed back.
“Why not?”
“Because maybe he doesn’t just want me to warm his cock.”
Mariana scoffed. “Why would I want a man to do anything other than warm his cock in me? What else would I need him for.”
“Tae just isn’t like that, okay?”
She made another dismissive sound. “If he’s anything like his friend Jimin, I doubt it.”
“Well, then maybe I’m just not like that. And maybe he’s being respectful."
Mariana looked at you doubtfully and clicked her tongue. "You need to lighten up and live a little. It’s just sex.”
You snatched a towel from her to dry the glasses you’d just rinsed. “I had the time of my life today, so I think I’m doing just fine.” And the easy smile you wore was hard to argue with.
It wasn’t as if you were intentionally lying about being a virgin. You hadn’t actually answered Taehyung’s question before he walked it back. And any assumptions Mariana made based on the fact that you hadn’t slept with anyone since you’d known her were made up in her own head. But just because you weren’t a virgin didn’t mean it wasn’t a delicate issue for you. One that you didn’t have to explain to anyone. At least that’s how you justified it to yourself.
Taehyung knew that, to some extent, what he was doing with you was dangerous. A man in his position would put anyone in danger if others saw his affection. But he couldn’t stay away from you, so his only choice was to make sure you were safe himself. That’s why, after he dropped you off at work, he went to pick up Jungkook and took him back to your building to case the place—see what weaknesses and dangers he could find, if any of your neighbors were suspicious. After looking around your block for a little while he seemed satisfied enough.
Next was meeting you after work, when you found him much the same way you had in the afternoon, although he had changed his clothes. When he saw you this time his expression tightened. You hadn’t bothered to change since your shirt needed to be washed after having beer spilled in you earlier. He made a disgruntled noise when he saw the way your tits pushed out of your shirt and he could see a sliver of your tummy.
Tae didn’t know he had a possessive streak. He never had before with any other partners, not even really with Jimin, who was his most serious relationship. But it was different with you. The idea that other men had been looking at you like that all night unsettled something in his stomach. He groaned as he hooked a finger into your belt loop and pulled you between his legs.
“Do you have to dress like that for work?” He pouted before kissing your lips softly.
You giggled, and it was almost enough to make him smile. Almost. “Yes. Gotta get those tips somehow.” He groaned. “Shh. At least I’m not taking anything off.”
“Don’t even think about it.” He squeezed your hips in his hands.
“Oh. You wouldn’t like that?” You teased.
He pushed you away an inch. “I am trying to be a gentleman here. Please don’t test me.”
You smiled as you put a piece of his hair back in place off his forehead and then kissed his lips. “Okay, gentleman. Take me home then?”
Taehyung smiled and swept you off your feet to set you inside the car, appreciating your squeal when he did so. Your apartment was even closer to the bar than it was to the club, but in the opposite direction. On other nights, Taehyung would park at your apartment and walk you home, holding your hand. One way or another, a night never passed where you walked home alone again.
When he parked in front of your apartment that night he followed you to the gate, where he pressed you against the bars and kissed you breathless. He rested his hands on your hips, and it took all his self control not to let them slip any lower. But he couldn’t stop himself from exploring the little patch of skin between your shorts and your tank top with his thumbs. You moaned into his mouth at the feeling of just a little skin on yours, and your body felt alert and gooey all at once. Your free hand twisted into the front of his shirt, pulling him against you while your other held the bear he had won for you. After a few minutes he pushed your hips away, against the gate, making the metal clang.
“You should go before I lose my self control,” he breathes, only an inch away from your face.
“Okay,” you responded in a daze. He stood in front of you a minute longer, making it impossible for you to move, even if you wanted to. Then finally he sighed and took a step back so that you could unlock the gate and get inside. He didn’t follow you in, even though you half hoped he would. You took a few steps toward the stairs before you turned back and put your face between the bars, gripping one like your life depended on it. “Tae?”
He hadn’t moved until you called his name and then he stepped forward until he was standing right in front of you again, but didn’t say a word.
“I had a really good time today. Thank you for everything. It felt really…nice to be with you.” Your eyes started on his face but slowly drifted to the ground as you got shy.
Taehyung lifted your chin with his hand so he could look into your eyes.
“We can have so many more days like that,” he promised.
“Yeah?”
“Of course. I loved it, too.” Then he bent his face to yours and kissed you through the bars. This time you didn’t let it linger so long, and you pulled away before he could get lost in you again.
“Goodnight,” you whispered before you turned away and hurried noisily up the steps. Taehyung watched you go with his face pressed against the bars, until you gave him one last smile over your shoulder and entered your apartment.
Thank you for reading. When you reblog a random member of bts has an orgasm, probably.
Summary: How many men will it take to save you? To be honest, you’ve gotten pretty used to saving yourself. Even though you’re far from a delicate thing, Los Angeles is a dangerous place you can’t seem to escape no matter how hard you try. The top 7 members of Bangtan should never have crossed your path, but they soon find they’d do just about anything to help you escape your past and make it safe for you to stay. But will you?
Genre: mafia au, poly ot7, angst, some smut, honestly a lot more fluff than i expected, POC reader/oc
Status: coming verysoon
Series warnings: minors dni, smut, graphic depictions of violence, mentions of human trafficking, fucking soft min yoongi (yes thats a warning), toxic relationship dynamics
Taglist: open [please send an ask or comment on thispost
A/n: ayoooooo im back!!! Man, i love these characters so much! I cant wait for you to meet them. I think they’ll be quite unlike any of mine before, but with all the emotional turmoil you’re used to
Summary: How many men will it take to save you? To be honest, you’ve gotten pretty used to saving yourself. Even though you’re far from a delicate thing, Los Angeles is a dangerous place you can’t seem to escape no matter how hard you try. The top 7 members of Bangtan should never have crossed your path, but they soon find they’d do just about anything to help you escape your past and make it safe for you to stay. But will you?
Genre: mafia au, poly ot7, angst, some smut, honestly a lot more fluff than i expected, POC reader/oc
Status:ongoing
Series warnings: minors dni, smut, graphic depictions of violence, mentions of human trafficking, fucking soft min yoongi (yes thats a warning), toxic relationship dynamics
Taglist: open [please send an ask or comment on thispost
A/n: ayoooooo im back!!! Man, i love these characters so much! I cant wait for you to meet them. I think they’ll be quite unlike any of mine before, but with all the emotional turmoil you’re used to
HELL NAW IM ONT SERIOUS!! ya’ll thought i was that stupid.
but that was just to get you attention, so please stick around and please don’t hate me
So the series, it will be coming latter than i expected for the simple fact that i am actually writing a plan for the plot this time, (so this story dosent fail like the other ones) and i want to pre-write a few chapter just so i can have them all nice and queued up ya know
Now the main Character, last time i checked (and i didnt update it this but..) their was a tie between Tae, Rm, and Jin. who’s gonna be the robot? i dont know yet but im leaning towards RM and then like having Tae and Jin as humans but important Characters too. (if you feel other wise LET ME KNOW)
ummmm i think that is all i wanted to tell you guess and if you are new i highly encorage turning on notification for me because i am i slow poster. and dont worry i dont post anything other than content so my notification will not frequent, i just dont want you all to miss stuff
