#comfort kindness family
Getting out of your shell is good, but it doesn’t have to be fast or all at once. It’s okay to say no to something today because you said yes yesterday, to postpone events you don’t feel ready for, to make plans one at a time. You don’t have to be running to get to where you want to be, you can take it slow.
You wouldn’t be more worthy, more loved, more deserving if you were stronger, smarter, better. I know how difficult it is to remember in a world where you might feel lonely or singled out, where it seems like everyone is better than you are or where it seems like you’ll never measure up, but nothing about you is a mistake. Not even the things you feel set you apart or make others uncomfortable. Take up the space you need without apologizing for it.
The fear of doing something wrong should be smaller than the fear of never advancing at all. When you look at things from a perspective of growth it doesn’t mean that you stop fearing the mistakes you might make; it just means that you’ll embrace them as part of the journey, a part you don’t have to blame yourself for.
Needing and receiving help isn’t a bad thing. Continuously giving and giving and giving has to be paired with accepting the aid others offer you in return and asking for it when they don’t. Saying “I am not doing okay and I need your support” doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human experiencing human things. Give people the opportunity to be there for you.
A lot of the time, loving and admiring yourself is a choice you’re making in the moment, even if it’s just smiling at yourself in the mirror or whispering “that’s good” after you’ve finished doing something. If you just keep on practicing acknowledging yourself in those little moments, you’re already doing really well.
things to do when your day’s been bad
- lie down on the floor beside your bed
- take a shower, use the good soap
- listen to a song you liked ages ago
- write your thoughts out in all caps
- draw a head and then ‘decorate’ that head however you’re feeling (I drew a man with a hole for a face. It worked)
- listen to a song and try to focus on one (1) instrument at a time, baseline, drums, guitar, another guitar, repeating sound effect
- wash your face
- take a nap or go to bed early
- call someone. tell them about your horrible day or let them talk about theirs or both
- go through your camera roll (specifically the screenshots folder)
- go through your saved instagram posts / tumblr likes
- watch That One Really Great Live Performance of That Artist You Love, then read the comments of everyone having great taste like you do
- cry a little about it
- remember that this day will end and another will begin. it’ll be all new, never experienced before, no bad things will have happened, and you’ll be okay.
at times you’ll find that things being hard is just things being hard and not you are incompetent, in the same way days are bleak will be days are bleak and not there’s something wrong with you, and everyone’s asking a lot of you will be everyone’s asking a lot of you instead of you’re being selfish. sometimes, to put things into perspective, you have to pull away of everything to see the bigger picture and realize that the world you live in affects you, and it’s completely okay to feel it without blaming yourself for it.
When things are coming up (new workplace, a trip, a presentation) they feel scary sometimes because you’re not ready for them. The biggest mistake you can make is to think that you not being ready is just a state you’re in forever, when in reality it’s often just a matter of time. If you’re afraid, try not to use it as an excuse but as an indication that there’s room for improvement. Until the time comes, figure out what you can do in preparation, where you can ask for help, what you can practice and improve. You are dynamic: you have the ability to grow into the version of yourself who, despite the fact that they’re still a little nervous, is ready for whatever’s coming.
You are not weak for feeling the weight of everything that you are carrying.
Trying again isn’t reserved for the big necessary important stuff or the children learning their basic skills. Look at it in another context: I want to drink three bottles of water a day, but I’ve been lazy the past few weeks, I’ll try again. I’ve been wanting to learn a new language for months, but I’m having trouble concentrating, I’ll try again. I haven’t succeeded in understanding this very complicated piece of code I want to learn about, I’ll try again. If something doesn’t seem to be working out even though you really want it to, find out what’s going wrong and try again. If it’s something you feel passionate about or want for yourself, then it’s worth it, and no one else has to understand that or agree.
Life isn’t stationary. It’s constantly shifting, twisting, getting better and then worse and then better again, cruel and kind. That’s something none of us can change. The only bit of control we have is of ourselves, how we accept things, how we hold onto them, how we let them go. Sometimes our decisions determine an outcome and sometimes it seems to be out of our hands (most times it is, sometimes it isn’t). So, when we say ‘do your best’ and ‘be happy’ and ‘keep trying’, we never mean ‘make everything okay’. We mean, ‘take what little control you have and make peace with it, because it might not change anything, and because it might make a big difference.’
advice (or to-do list) for mid to late january
forgive yourself for not being who you thought you’d be / forgive them for not fitting into the idea you had of them / try again where you failed before / make small plans / make bigger plans (whenever you’re ready) / look at the sky more often / stick your head out of your bedroom window sometimes / extract creative ideas from everyday things (the coffee brewing, the girls in the train, the birds circling the sky over your neighbors house) / write down your favorites so you stop forgetting / create a new playlist / drink cold water from a mug / recite the lyrics to a song you used to love / text someone “hi” / unfollow people you don’t want to follow
originally posted to my instagram
Alleviate some of the (extreme) expectations you have for yourself by seeing things as extensions of yourself, rather than defining yourself by them.
Your talent for art is an extension of who you are: you’re enjoying it, you’re good at it and it might earn you money or a following. But if this extension were to fall away, it wouldn’t change you at your core. It would affect you, but it wouldn’t suddenly make you less worthy. Same goes for sports, songwriting, giving out advice, editing photos; they’re extensions of you because you’re the one who built them and invests time into them.
Your core is what (who) remains when all of those things are taken away. The person who had the courage to try in the first place, fell down and got up again, the intelligence and kindness, the perseverance and the boldness. That person is already whole and already enough. Even if there’s no extensions, talents, good grades, even if there’s just you being- it’s completely okay and good. Everything else is a bonus. You’re already worth celebrating just as you are.
