Ironically, I’m writing this to avoid doing my Work Job. Let’s get into it.
Set an alarm so you remember. Pick a specific time you’re going to worship, because “later” never comes and “sometime this evening” rarely does either. Instead, set an alarm so that you already have that time set aside in your mind, and so that you don’t mentally blow past it when that time arrives.
Keep everything in one place. Keep the offerings near where you would offer them, as well as anything you might need to do it, like matches or lighters. Make it so there’s as little travel time as possible between you and what you want to do.
Think through the ritual setup beforehand. Sometimes the offering part is easy but getting to that point is overwhelming, especially if your tradition involves ritual purification or invocation rituals. Boil it down to the bare essentials and capture the essence in a way that doesn’t have so many steps, if you can. (Ex: Is that personal purification rite just an ancient way of washing away germs, and if so can we just mindfully wash our hands and fulfull the rite’s function?)
Start with something little. Getting started can be the hardest part. If you don’t have the energy for an entire offering ritual, break it into pieces. Just do the setup and approach the rest later if you need. Or just put on a playlist to get into the mood for now. Or take a couple deep breaths to refocus your brain. Ease into it as slowly as you need.
Think ahead with your offerings. Will you have the spoons to clean up after? If you’re like me and run the risk of not removing an offering for days (or weeks…) then think ahead to what can stay there a long time, just in case. Nobody likes cleaning up the altar and finding mold in the offering dish. Incense, water, and driedplants tend to work well, as do nonphysical things like music and poetry.
“While I’m at it…” If you catch yourself in a spot with good momentum, try to get a rite done while you have the energy instead of putting it off. It can be something simple, but use the energy and the drive while you’re on top of it since we can’t always guarantee it will be there in even an hour.
Keep things similar so that you don’t have to rethink every step, every time. A rock solid routine with what a ritual looks like helps it become a lot more automatic, and therefore a lot easier to actually do. Routine becomes habit.
Remember that something is better than nothing. Anything that helps you touch base with your Divine and keep them close is a good thing, and most people don’t give an offering every single day. Don’t waste time beating yourself up for not performing at the level you wish you could. Instead, celebrate the love it takes to do something at all for them through your Executive Dysfunction; you’re already pushing yourself and striving to do your best for them, and that’s incredible. Hang onto that.
I know that lots of you struggle with selfcare, no that’s why I wanted to share with you guys some ideas to help you out.
Journals
Having a journal is a nice idea to encourage selfcare. If you usually forget to update it a good idea is to have a routine in certain moments of the day like after waking up, after school, before going to bed; specific moments of the day that will make it easier to remember it.
I know most of you (including me) love to make lists but struggle planning things or fulfiling your plans due to executive dysfunction, but if you go little by little adding details to your routine you can be able to change it. My idea is to make a list of things that are struggles for you like staying hydrated, sleeping, eating, showering, brushing your hair or your teeth, and create a mind map with ways to overcome this problems. Here I have some ideas for you:
Shower
Shower can be an struggle for many reasons but if some of this are your issues this might help.
Struggle showering due to sensory issues can be a problem. I experience it a lot, my shower always change the temperature of the water spontaneously and I hate feeling wet. However staying clean is a necesity and you can do many things to make this issue milder:
If you hate feeling wet you can try showering part by part of your body with a piece of cloth to control the amount of water that comes to your body.
If vapor overwhelmes you may prefer to have a bath instead of shower, maybe with not too warm water.
If the scents of shampoo or soap are too strong for you, water down the bottles. You can also try brands that may be less overpowering or more pleasing for you.
If the noise of the shower is too much for you, try having baths. However I know having a bath whenever you want to clean yourself is a big deal in terms of paying the water bills, so you can also try like I’ve said before showering part by part using a piece of cloth.
If you find showering understimmulating but you fear that you may have an accident if stimming in the shower, try to use shower toys like a little cute duck.
Struggle showering due to executive dysfunction is also a problem. It also happens to me, this are my tips:
If you forget to shower, set an alarm in your mobile phone. You can also try to put a poster in your wall to remind you to shower. Asking a friend, your family or your couple if they can remind you to shower everyday or every two days can be also a good idea.
If you want to shower but your body does not seem to move, put omething appealing in the shower like toys or orbeez to encourage you to go and have a shower.
Eating and drinking
Executive dysfunction can stop you from eating or drinking when you need it. My advise is:
Have always water and food near to you. In your bag, in your bedroom, have some sweets inside your pocket, some fruit on your desk.
Have someone to help you out, intervention can be a way to deal with it.
Sleeping
Struggles with sleeping are big deals. Having a good sleep can make the difference between a good day and a bad day.
If you overthink, you could try meditation or relaxing techniques. Reading also is helpful to prepare your mind for sleeping. Avoid screens, they can decrease the creation of melatonine in your brain.
If hyperfixation or executive dysfunction stops you from sleeping ask for someone to help you, the best you can do is trust someone to help you out.
Brushing your teeth
Brushing your teeth can be sensory hell and executive dysfunction can play a bad role here. Things you can do to overcome this are:
If it’s sensory hell, use just mouthwash. You can water it down if it’s too strong for you.
If executive dysfunction does not want to collaborate, use something appealing that may make it more interesting like buying a toothpaste with a nice flavour.
Getting dressed and brushing your hair
Something I want to point out is thatthere is no issue if what you wear is considered ‘weird’, the most important thing here is that you feel comfortable with what you’re wearing. So, if executive dysfunction or sensory issues are unableing you to get dressed and brush your hair here I have some tips:
If clothing is sensory hell or overwhelming for you don’t sacrifice your comfort to fit in social rules and beauty standards, wear clothing with thin cloth that allows you to move freely. If your pijama is the thing that makes you feel more comfortable, stay in pijama in your house all the time.
If brushing your hair is sensory hell you can try a softer brush or just showering and brushing your hair with your fingers.
If executive dysfunction keeps you from doing those things, again, you can ask for help or try to make it more appealing by using clothing that will make you feel sensory heaven or using fragrances in your hair.
Remember that you can go little by little adding this things to your routine. One at the time, including it progressively, follow your rythm and don’t push yourself. In your journal you can create a spread for every day of the week including the details you want to add day by day and how you want to do it or a reminder to do those things once you have incorporated it to your routine.
Posters
Writting posters reminding you your necesitites can be useful if you may forget about your journal. You can even have a board in which you can write what you have to do during the day.
This posters can be a checklist that you may mark with pencil to erase it at the end of the day and start over again. A board can be very helpful for this.
It can also be reminders of what you have to do or what you want to do.
Comfort box
Having a comfort box can be very useful to prevent meltdowns/shutdowns. I know that listing things you can add to it isn’t useful as executive dysfunction makes it difficult to choose so here I have some ideas for comfort boxes. Choose your favourite:
Visual box: nougat, carrots, prints and images of your special intenrest, a bottle with glitter and water, a relaxing film (studio ghibli, disney…), a photoalbum, cute tape, a bottle with orbeez and water.
Touch box: honey, peaches, feathers (real or synthetic), slime, squishys, foam, clay, nice fabric, a blanket, plushies, a lotion.
Smell and taste box: milk, cherries, candles, perfume, chewing toys, caramel, lotion, moistraiser, flowers, herbs.
Focusing box: lollypops, apples, a rubik’s cube, books, a nice relaxing film, a fidget spinner, a cube spinner, crayons and paper, a notebook and a pen, some music.
Of course, you can create your own, this are just ideas for different kinds of people who may enjoy certain types of stimulation.
Selfcare after a meltdown/shutdown
This is so different for all of you that I can’t really tell you what to do after a meltdown or shutdown. I’m going to give some ideas but really this things depend a lot on the kind of person you are:
Breath deep and slow. Try some meditation. Make your breathing regular and avoid hyperventiling as it can provoke you to colapse.
I find oral stims extremly helpful so you may want to have some stimmy sweets like lollypops, chewing gum or a nice piece of fruit.
Stay hydrated, having a glass of water can be seen as a tiny detail but it’s extremely helpful.
Stim free, engage your special interests, don’t feel limited by social rules.
Listen to relaxing music.
ASMR, specially ear blowing and breathing, those sounds are so helpful to calm you down.
Interact with your pets.
Vent. By talking, posting, tell what has happened, write it down, if you are able, analyse the situation to prevent it from happening again.
Lay on your bed or in a flat surface for a while.
Sleep, have a nap, rest.
Well, that’s all for today, I hope you’ll find it helpful, stay safe <3
“This is one of the things I’ve learned about happiness: when you feel it, it’s good to say so. That way, if and when you say later in depression or despair, ‘I’ve just never been happy,’ there will be a trail of audible testimony in your wake indicating otherwise.”
-Maggie Nelson, from On Freedom: Four Songs of Care and Constraint
Anxiety is a mental health battle that I fight everyday, so finding your favourite anxiety coping skills is incredibly important. The problem with anxiety is it tends to invade when I really don’t want it to and at the most inconvenient times. But, the worst thing is it can make me feel incredibly isolated and lonely. I’ve heard people saying to me, oh it is just nervousness. Anxiety is more than…
If trans women are women, then why place the trans disclaimer before the word women? It’s almost as though that implies there’s a fundamental difference between women and trans women. Funny how that works.
Adjectives negate the fundamental aspect of the words they modify now?
A blue car isn’t a car?
A gay man is fundamentally different from a man?
I have to say I disagree strongly with this assertion in addition to the idea that “trans” is a disclaimer.
Guest starred in the future of our favorite sites.
Except it is okay; as trans woman, i can confirm I am not, in fact female. I live as a transsexual woman, but i am not a womanwho has lived her whole life dealing with misogyny and being a second class citizen. So yes, calling myself a transsexual woman is sort of a disclaimer. It define the difference, and that difference is there and real. I’m a trans woman, not a woman.
said this before but just to reiterate… for a long time i was soooo upset about misgendering and it being implied that i wasn’t a ‘real’ woman, until i did some self-analysis (b/c considering what i look and sound like, there’s no way i could lead a normal and fulfilling life if one of the criteria is ‘everyone must refer to me as female’) and realised that a lot of this stuff was being fueled by a strongly held belief—’i just want to be a normal woman, not a disgusting tr*nny’—which is basically a sort of internalised transphobia.
so idk if this will be relevant to anyone else, but my dysphoria has three main components—alienness/dissociation, disgust/self-hatred, and phantom body sensations—and i think i can trace a lot of the second component to this transphobic meme, and social messages generally. accepting that it’s ok to be trans rather than an actual woman has definitely lessened these feelings along with a lot of my ‘social dysphoria’ as well. just putting this out there :)
