rainbowloliofjustice:

It’s honestly pathetic and hypocritical how antis will post their own life story and use it as a way of saying “This is why you shouldn’t ship this” and treat it as if their life and feelings are the only ones that matter and are totally universal. They talk about how much they protect and love survivors, etc.

Yet when a survivor posts about their own trauma and how ships have helped them navigate and come to terms with their own trauma or how equating fiction to their abuse is degrading and causes more harm to them than good, they’re told…

“Cope in private” nevermind the fact that shipping can form a community and help them form bonds and friendships that can help get them through their trauma. This also basically amounts to telling them to go it alone and that they aren’t allowed to have a community.

“Stop hurting other survivors” nevermind the fact that antis have no problem hurting other survivors when they say this.

“Stop using your trauma to hurt other survivors.” Nevermind the fact that antis use their own trauma to hurt other surviviors. 

etc.

Why is it that antis can treat their own personal stories and experiences as absolute truth yet a shipper who came from similar circustance isn’t allowed to?

Take a good long look in the mirror. If something is personally triggering to you, great. Blacklist it. Block it. Don’t follow people who post it. You don’t have the right to tell other people what spaces they are allowed to have or how they’re alllowed to do something.

common questions i see from people wondering if they’re asexual or recently realized they’re asexual

***cw: mentions of sex and trauma***

“can i know i’m ace if i’m a virgin?”

yes. asexuality is about sexual attraction, not the act of sex itself. you don’t need to have had sex to know if you are sexually attracted to people.

“can i be ace if i read smut/watch porn?”

yes. being asexual has to do with sexual attraction, which is different from sex drive. you can have a high sex drive and still not be attracted to people.

“is it okay to call myself asexual if it’s because of trauma?”

personally, i don’t think there’s an issue with identifying as ace if your lack of attraction stems from trauma. you aren’t “contributing to stereotypes” by using a label that helps you understand your attraction (or lack thereof), and you deserve to feel welcome in this community.

“i relate to [abc] which i’ve heard is an asexual thing, but i’ve never experienced [xyz]. could i still be ace?”

the asexual experience is varied and complex, and you’re not going to relate to everything any other ace has been through just because you share a sexual orientation. as long as you don’t experience sexual attraction, you are asexual.

“i’ve come to terms with being asexual. how do i tell people?”

my #1 coming out tip is writing a letter instead of telling them in person. this way, you can spend time making sure it sounds the way you want it to and you don’t forget anything you want to say (which is difficult to do while you’re talking, especially if you’re nervous), and it gives the person you’ve told time to process the new information and be able to think about how they want to respond. i would definitely recommend giving them a definition of asexuality if you don’t think they know what it means, and be prepared to answer their questions, though of course, you don’t need to answer anything that’s invasive or makes you uncomfortable.

Here’s the final chapter! Thank you everyone for reading and I hope you enjoyed it! You can find Chapter 1 here.

Arden gingerly sat on the edge of couch, wrapping the tangle around their fingers, unwrapping, and then rubbing it between their palms. They took a deep breath, letting the sound of their hands against the tangle calm them for a moment. “Here you go,” Mr. Fell said as he handed them a mug of hot cocoa and sat in the chair across from them, hands clasped in front of him. “Thank you,” Arden replied and held the mug close to their chest and took a few sips before putting it down on the table.

Mr. Fell gave Arden a soft smile, “What is your name?” 

“Arden.”

“Oh!” Mr. Fell beamed. “I was just looking over an edition of As You Like It, I don’t know if you are familiar with it…”

“I actually chose to name myself Arden after I read it for the first time!” Arden flapped their hands excitedly. “It’s gender neutral and all of the characters just discovered in the Forest of Arden what the world could be like and could express themselves freely…” They trailed off and noticed their hands. I can’t move like that I need to keep that…They saw Mr. Fell flapping his hands with an expression of complete joy. Oh…I can flap here.

Mr. Fell’s expression shifted to concern as he asked, “You don’t have to tell me, but I am wondering if something happened?” Arden hesitated, “I-I don’t want to burden you…” “You won’t,” Mr. Fell responded firmly. Arden drank and stimmed with the tangle, nerves rising.
“It’s trivial really but um I’m getting a flu shot for the first time tomorrow. I know that’s a weird thing to be anxious about… well for context I’m autistic and when I was diagnosed my mom turned to anti-vaccine ideology for answers. She… she wanted a neurotypical child.” Arden took another steadying breath. “That ideology was all I knew; I didn’t know of any other way to live. To everyone, being normal was the only way to live a good life. I worked hard to be a normal person, but I always failed. Because I believed all this, I felt…um…that my whole being was wrong. A couple years ago, I suddenly just couldn’t try to be normal anymore. Thanks to the Internet, I learned the truth. I realized that I was born autistic and that it isn’t a bad thing to be. I needed to accept myself so I can live. The people around me refused to understand so I moved away when I could. The shot tomorrow has caused a lot of the fear I internalized from that time to come back and I’m just scared that maybe that I will always have that fear.”

Arden looked up nervously, Oh God was that too much?, but Mr. Fell’s expression was different. For a moment, his face embodied a deep rage that remained within yet encompassed years of witnessing the world’s injustices, making Arden wonder, how many people have come here at their lowest point and told him of their pain? His expression then shifted to quiet sadness, “Forgive me, dear, it is just that your experience happens to remind me of my own. You’ve been very brave. In an ideal world, being who you are should not have to be brave, but sadly the universe doesn’t seem to be there yet. While my experience is different, the, um, community I came from held a worldview of the universe that’s similar.” Arden leaned forward, listening intently.  

————————————————————————–

“It was more of a strict view of God’s plan,” Mr. Fell continued. “It was very ‘This is the One Truth and one day everyone will realize that.’ I believed in their view deeply, but the community always treated me as inherently wrong no matter what. I suppressed anything odd about the ways I move and speak, yet that didn’t change anything. Then I met Anthony.” Mr. Fell’s face lit up with the light of infinite suns. “He showed me such a new way of thinking about the universe. His vision of a world where everyone has autonomy was so beautiful. For the first time, I saw that perhaps I could live a life of my own choosing. At first, I tried to nip my new ideas in the bud, but I began to question the community and became disillusioned. Anthony’s vision of the world was now  my vision too, and we could make that vision reality together.  So I chose to reject it all and start anew. Now Anthony and I have been partners for a long time. I run this bookshop while he tries to yell at his plants less in our flat above when he’s not in the bookshop. While I often do have difficult days where I feel ashamed of my past, I know I have this life right here and I couldn’t be happier.”

Arden felt that they could breathe again for the first time in a long time. “Thank you for sharing that with me. I don’t have a lot of words right now, but I didn’t think I’d ever get to meet someone who went through a similar experience and I just—thank you.” “Of course,” Mr. Fell answered.

Arden leaned back in the chair, lost in thought. “ I remember that when my mom told me about the anti-vaccine treatments, she said that my ‘recovery’ was a miracle thanks to God. That really messed up how I feel about God. Did you struggle to believe after everything?”

“What you believe is entirely your choice. I was disillusioned over the community’s view of God, but I wanted to have faith in Her. So I chose how I believe in Her. The way certain people twist who God is to harm others…” Aziraphale paused, passion rising as he went on, “I think, Arden, God created you as you are because She believes in you as you are. God transcends any idea of “normal” so you never need to be “normal” for God. Miracles are not about attempting to take away an identity essential to who you are. They’re about being alive. Taking in a beautiful view of London at sunset is a miracle. Surviving the worst and using your experience to help others live is a miracle. Discovering who you are is a miracle. In those moments, I think God is present within us. I got carried away, but I hope that helps.”
Arden, lost for words for a minute, took a few breaths to process everything. But Mr. Fell’s belief gave them peace that they didn’t realize they were looking for until now. “I’m still questioning my beliefs, but your words help enormously. Your view of God is beautiful. You make believing in God make sense.”

“Thank you, I’m truly glad,” Mr. Fell replied.

“I hope the world can be more built for people like me one day.”

“So do I.”

————————————————————————-

The two of them sat in comfortable silence for a couple minutes, Arden in wonder over the sequence of events. I’m not alone in this. “Oh! I’m afraid I have to cut our time short—Anthony is coming home soon to take us to try a new Italian restaurant tonight. I really enjoyed talking with you and please come here whenever you’d like,” Mr. Fell wiggled with joy. “I really enjoyed talking to you too, and I definitely will come back,” Arden flapped. As they put the tangle back in the stim box—

“Arden? Before you go…”
“Yeah?”
“I see that you’re struggling to move forward. Perhaps you could remember the Forest of Arden. Once the characters stepped in it, they could reject the norms of the court and learn what the world could be without that. They became better people. Everyone transformed because the forest gave them freedom to discover themselves for the first time. As you continue to discover yourself, you’ll flourish. Then others with similar experiences who feel lost can find you and you can help them grow into Forests of Arden for even more people. So many people have transformed the world that way. I think you could be a Forest of Arden.”

“God, you’re going to make me cry,” Arden smiled and ran a hand over their watering eyes. “You are one too. Thank you, for everything.”
“Ofcourse.”
Arden walked out of the bookshop on to a quiet street, sun setting in front of them. They stood still, watching its purple, pink, and orange hues transform the sky into something so extraordinary that even that word couldn’t capture the wonder of it all. Arden tipped their head back and hummed. I’m transforming, and it’s a miracle.

I’ve decided to write a Good Omens fic where Aziraphale is an autistic queer guardian angel for Arden, an autistic queer original character! Here is chapter 1 of 2! Chapter 2 is here.
Arden paced across their room as they thought about tomorrow morning. Tomorrow I’m going to get a flu shot for the first time & since I’m an adult now no one can tell me what to do with my life anymore. I’m able to do this now. Everything will be fine. But WHAT IF MY AUTISM REGRESSES AFTER THE SHOT AND MY MUM AND THAT DOCTOR WOULD BE RIGHT ALL ALONG?!?! 

Arden immediately stopped in their tracks and gripped the arm of their chair. No, stop it, I know that’s wrong, I know what the truth is. I know that what I was taught is wrong. Vaccines don’t cause autism. This is internalized ableism rearing its ugly head. I’m not living under anti-vaccine ideology anymore. BUT YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN Damn it! I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve thought that today, and if I stay in this room any longer, I won’t be able to stop. Maybe this is a day for going to A.Z. Fell & Co. for a while. Arden threw on their coat and shoes and rushed out the door into the suffocating crowds.

Car horns all blared together in a dissonant screech as if they were trying to be a brass section that was incapable of playing a soft dynamic level and staying on pitch. That on top of the garbled voices of everyone on the sidewalk and thoughts about the shot created a sensory hell specifically designed to remind Arden of how this world isn’t built for them. Arden’s shoulders were hunched over with their hands clasped tightly against their ears. They could normally survive this, but they could already feel the pressure of everything pushing down on to their skull.

Try to think about the bookshop. There is a small trans flag inside on the edge of the window closest to the doorway. It’s the quietest public place I’ve been in…BUT IT COULD BE CLOSED AND THERE WON’T BE ANYWHERE ELSE I CAN GO Stop it! Next to a bookshelf near that window there’s a bin with stim toys including tangles and balls that stretch and squish… IF IT’S CLOSED I’LL HAVE TO FACE THAT I DON’T KNOW ANYONE ELSE WHO HAS GONE THROUGH WHAT I HAVE AND I’M ALONE IN THIS “Ow!” Arden winced from the sudden pain in their shin and looked up at the white column in front of them. Leave it to me to be so lost in sensory overload and anxiety that I walk straight into a column. They leaned to the side slightly past the column to read “A.Z. Fell & Co.” For once, me being clumsy is actually convenient IT WILL BE CLOSED Shut up brain for the love of God! Arden raced up the steps and saw the “Open” sign. Arden breathed a sigh of exhausted relief as they went inside.

Arden made a beeline towards the stim toys bin and rummaged for a tangle. Come on come on oh there we go “Are you alright?” Arden jumped in surprise at the sound of the voice and quickly turned around to find Mr. Fell standing next to them, putting back a well-loved edition of As You Like It on a shelf. Mr. Fell had said hello to them the past two times they’ve visited, but he typically read in a chair near the skylight or paced, watching each customer with suspicion when a book caught their eye. This is new. I don’t remember the last time I was asked if I was alright.“I’m…nnn…” God, I’m losing my ability to speak this is embarrassing I can’t “Oh, you definitely aren’t doing well, please feel free to follow me into this room over here and I can make us hot cocoa if you’d like?” Arden nodded and followed, with a warm feeling within that was very unfamiliar to them. This is a lot, but I think I could be in the right place.