I can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like for you guys. Being seen as inherently hyper-sexual beings, just cuz “you’re men and that’s what all men are like/all men do”
That’s some load of BS
Whoever said that can go to the underground sauna
A-spec AMABs but not only: I see you.
You’re valid and appreciated and loved! A “man’s duty” is no longer based on what the ancient doctrines of patriarchy say. Honestly, fxck patriarchy.
Women are supposed to be prudes, men should always seek sexual contact blah-blah-blah
HOW ABOUT!!!! We let diversity spread and let people be who they want to be, do what they want to do with their lives? Eh?
Signs I should have known I was ace: M*sturb*t¡0n edition
Before I dive into this rant, can we all just agree that even asexuals m-bate? Yes, even girls. Idk and idc when or how or why society ever began to believe that only straight, allosexual men are allowed to do it, I just don’t want to see that crap on my blog, okay? Great.
Now, one might argue about the exact time I started “engaging in self pleasure”.
I remember exploring my body since I was 8, I don’t know if that counts. But I only actually began “getting that pleasure” when I was almost 15 that I learned what the thing I had been doing was called.
Ever since then, I’ve had all sorts of “experiences” regarding how I see m**tûrb*t¡on.
For example, you know how I started reading fanfiction almost two years ago. And I’m guessing you know what kind of ~f i l t h~ can be found there.
I read all about these h0rny teens tossing one off while thinking of someone!!
Honestly, I thought it was far-fetched, written to attract readers because THERE’S NO WAY-
until…. I got on Omegle a couple of months ago and had a brief, highly uncomfortable conversation with this dude who didn’t know what asexuality meant. After I explained it to him, he went, “but do you m-bate?”
And I’m there like…. Not that that’s any of your business, but yea? What’s that got to do with anything?
He said, “well who do you think of when you…?”
I’m sitting there, staring at my screen like…. huh?
I said as much, “no one? Who tf am I supposed to think of?”
Then he went on about p0rn, and didn’t I watch and imagine myself being in the place of the girl on screen?
I’m like what?!?! No, why would I?
Needless to say, I see that allosexuals don’t watch p**n to m-bate by listening to the sounds or just projecting that feeling of ar0üsal. No, allos actually picture themselves in those videos. Good heavens…
Listen, I don’t shame anyone, ever. Otherwise, me making this post would contradict everything.
It was just a shock for me to learn that, that’s all. Is it really okay to picture someone you know… in bed with you? Or is it like, what they don’t know doesn’t hurt them?
I have tried it, trust me. But the second I attempt to picture someone else touching me, it’s like turning a switch off. I could never. What does work for me, is the feeling. Focusing on my senses, and getting that stress-relief. P**n only works when I’m watching a sole person and projecting what they’re feeling into my own body.
But yeah, this should have been a major sign towards my sexuality for a couple of years. I just didn’t know I was supposed to feel that way about self-pl**süre.
Will talk about asexuality later today in front of my uni class.
I'mma let you know how it goes
Nothing.Niche. Never seen so many disinterested faces in the same room.
It also went horribly. There wasn’t a single critique the teacher left unsaid, I’m sure.
I shall try again with another coursework in a month or so.
On the other hand, my first ever girl crush asked me for a pen with those doe eyes and gorgeous smile of hers and let me tell you, I’m never throwing that pen away.
So let’s just say I had my reconciliation after a failed coursework
please share what you came up with as an explanation for why you didn’t feel sexual attraction before you knew about asexuality because i feel like every asexual has a story. like there’s the classic “i thought everyone was just joking,” but there’s also “i thought i just wasn’t trying hard enough to be attracted to people” and “i decided ‘the thought of kissing them doesn’t make me want to throw up’ was attraction.”
common questions i see from people wondering if they’re asexual or recently realized they’re asexual
***cw: mentions of sex and trauma***
“can i know i’m ace if i’m a virgin?”
yes. asexuality is about sexual attraction, not the act of sex itself. you don’t need to have had sex to know if you are sexually attracted to people.
“can i be ace if i read smut/watch porn?”
yes. being asexual has to do with sexual attraction, which is different from sex drive. you can have a high sex drive and still not be attracted to people.
“is it okay to call myself asexual if it’s because of trauma?”
personally, i don’t think there’s an issue with identifying as ace if your lack of attraction stems from trauma. you aren’t “contributing to stereotypes” by using a label that helps you understand your attraction (or lack thereof), and you deserve to feel welcome in this community.
“i relate to [abc] which i’ve heard is an asexual thing, but i’ve never experienced [xyz]. could i still be ace?”
the asexual experience is varied and complex, and you’re not going to relate to everything any other ace has been through just because you share a sexual orientation. as long as you don’t experience sexual attraction, you are asexual.
“i’ve come to terms with being asexual. how do i tell people?”
my #1 coming out tip is writing a letter instead of telling them in person. this way, you can spend time making sure it sounds the way you want it to and you don’t forget anything you want to say (which is difficult to do while you’re talking, especially if you’re nervous), and it gives the person you’ve told time to process the new information and be able to think about how they want to respond. i would definitely recommend giving them a definition of asexuality if you don’t think they know what it means, and be prepared to answer their questions, though of course, you don’t need to answer anything that’s invasive or makes you uncomfortable.
you know what? i like being asexual. asexuality is good. using the label asexual makes me happy. i am comfortable being asexual and i wouldn’t change if i had the choice.
tip for anyone questioning if they’re asexual: if reading about people’s experiences with being ace consistently makes you think, “but doesn’t everyone feel like that?” you’re probably not allosexual
it’s weird how some people assume every asexual completely avoids every form of media with sexual content. aside from the fact that lack of sexual attraction ≠ hating sex, just because someone likes reading about or watching something doesn’t mean they want to do that in real life. i like reading about hybrid animal species, but i don’t want to become a liger breeder. my favorite books are a series of unfortunate events, but i don’t want to go to a boarding school where i live in a tin shack filled with crabs. i love learning about ancient rome, but i definitely don’t want to live there. so why can’t aces like watching r-rated movies?
