LGBT people: share an experience that is based on persecution of our sexuality and gender expression, have formed spaces to openly express our sexuality and our relationship with gender as safely as possible (even though we still sometimes get killed for it when in those spaces)

Acey-beans: we should center LGBT spaces around REAL shared experiences outside of heteronormativity! Like cake! UwU

Happy asexual awareness week my dudes

please share what you came up with as an explanation for why you didn’t feel sexual attraction before you knew about asexuality because i feel like every asexual has a story. like there’s the classic “i thought everyone was just joking,” but there’s also “i thought i just wasn’t trying hard enough to be attracted to people” and “i decided ‘the thought of kissing them doesn’t make me want to throw up’ was attraction.”

common questions i see from people wondering if they’re asexual or recently realized they’re asexual

***cw: mentions of sex and trauma***

“can i know i’m ace if i’m a virgin?”

yes. asexuality is about sexual attraction, not the act of sex itself. you don’t need to have had sex to know if you are sexually attracted to people.

“can i be ace if i read smut/watch porn?”

yes. being asexual has to do with sexual attraction, which is different from sex drive. you can have a high sex drive and still not be attracted to people.

“is it okay to call myself asexual if it’s because of trauma?”

personally, i don’t think there’s an issue with identifying as ace if your lack of attraction stems from trauma. you aren’t “contributing to stereotypes” by using a label that helps you understand your attraction (or lack thereof), and you deserve to feel welcome in this community.

“i relate to [abc] which i’ve heard is an asexual thing, but i’ve never experienced [xyz]. could i still be ace?”

the asexual experience is varied and complex, and you’re not going to relate to everything any other ace has been through just because you share a sexual orientation. as long as you don’t experience sexual attraction, you are asexual.

“i’ve come to terms with being asexual. how do i tell people?”

my #1 coming out tip is writing a letter instead of telling them in person. this way, you can spend time making sure it sounds the way you want it to and you don’t forget anything you want to say (which is difficult to do while you’re talking, especially if you’re nervous), and it gives the person you’ve told time to process the new information and be able to think about how they want to respond. i would definitely recommend giving them a definition of asexuality if you don’t think they know what it means, and be prepared to answer their questions, though of course, you don’t need to answer anything that’s invasive or makes you uncomfortable.

asexual questions

***cw: brief mentions of sex***

1. when did you first hear about asexuality? did you identify with it right away?
2. did you question being ace for a long time before using the label?
3. what experiences/feelings made you first question if you were asexual?
4. what did you struggle with most when questioning if you were asexual?
5. do you know anyone irl who is also asexual?
6. do you identify with any of the sexual preference labels (sex favorable, sex indifferent, sex averse, sex repulsed, sex ambivalent)?
7. what (if any) other labels do you use to describe your identity?
8. what makes you feel secure/validated in your identity?
9. what’s your favorite thing about being asexual?
10. what’s your least favorite thing about being asexual?
11. what do you wish allos understood about asexuality?
12. are you out as asexual to friends &/or family irl? if so, how do they feel about it?
13. in what ways and to what degree does being asexual impact other parts of your life and identity?
14. do you feel supported & represented by the asexual community? why or why not?
15. what is your favorite canon asexual character or asexual headcanon?

you cannot accidentally fake being asexual. if you’re not pretending on purpose, you’re not pretending at all.

hey! i made a redbubble to sell ace pride designs! i’ve only posted a few things so far, but more is coming soon :)

you know what? i like being asexual. asexuality is good. using the label asexual makes me happy. i am comfortable being asexual and i wouldn’t change if i had the choice.

tip for anyone questioning if they’re asexual: if reading about people’s experiences with being ace consistently makes you think, “but doesn’t everyone feel like that?” you’re probably not allosexual

it’s weird how some people assume every asexual completely avoids every form of media with sexual content. aside from the fact that lack of sexual attraction ≠ hating sex, just because someone likes reading about or watching something doesn’t mean they want to do that in real life. i like reading about hybrid animal species, but i don’t want to become a liger breeder. my favorite books are a series of unfortunate events, but i don’t want to go to a boarding school where i live in a tin shack filled with crabs. i love learning about ancient rome, but i definitely don’t want to live there. so why can’t aces like watching r-rated movies?

“if you’re dating someone and not having sex with them, there’s a problem with the relationship.”

people think asexuals often don’t really understand sexual tropes in movies/books/shows because we’re ~innocent little babies uwu~ but it’s actually because their believability usually relies on the assumption that the audience knows what sexual attraction feels like

we are allowed to like being asexual. we are allowed to enjoy asexual experiences. we are allowed to be proud of being asexual. we are allowed to love asexuality.

the romantic attraction that allo-aces experience is as important and real and significant as the romantic attraction that alloromantic allosexuals experience

i’m doing a giveaway for an asexual pride flag on instagram right now!!

discovering you’re asexual can feel really lonely and isolating. so let’s all share our favorite things about being ace! i’m glad it’s made me learn about different types of attraction, because i understand myself a lot better now than i did before realizing i was asexual. i also love how welcoming and supportive the asexual community is.

please share yours!

kinda weird how even though amatonormativity and everything in our society being sexualized negatively affects everyone, asexuals and aromantics are ignored whenever we try to bring attention to these things

things asexual & aromantic communities have taught me that society never did

***cw: mentions of sex***

• never getting married is okay
• never having sex is okay
• just because two people are attracted to each other doesn’t mean they need to be/should be in a relationship
• platonic relationships can be as (or more) fulfilling & important than romantic and sexual relationships
• there are a bunch of different kinds of attraction and you can give them as much or as little weight in your life as you want to
• romantic relationships that don’t involve sex are perfectly fine
• there are no rules about what different kinds of relationships are supposed to look like; you can do whatever you want
• it’s okay to enjoy being alone
• feelings about sex, romance, and relationships are confusing and they can change a lot; there is no “right way” to feel at any given time

the WORST relationship trope has to be “we’re attracted to each other but also fundamentally incompatible as a couple so we’re going to stay together and just fight all the time” because it perpetuates the ideas that the only thing a successful relationship needs is attraction and that it’s better to be in an unhealthy relationship than not in a relationship at all. in this essay i will

sexual attraction is far from what distinguishes us from other animals. it doesn’t make anyone’s life complete and it doesn’t stop people from being lonely or unhappy.

so how could not experiencing sexual attraction make you broken?

“is this plot line very unrealistic or do i just not understand sexual attraction?”: a study in consuming media as an asexual person

Sometimes I feel lime we should alter the definition of asexuality to be as inclusive but still more easily understood as an orientation and as a spectrum. “Lack of sexual attraction” isn’t wrong, but I feel “Lack of (sexual) attraction to gender or in general” is much better. It still says the same thing but more obviously for those who struggle to grasp the concept. Also the “sexual” part there is like that because it also makes the “sexual” part of the attraction an optional addition and acknowledges that Asexuality is an orientation beyond the split attraction model.

A small doodle to celebrate such an important date, happy international asexuality day!!!

happy ace day, aces!

I’ve never experienced oppression or discrimination by calling myself bisexual.

But I have been bullied, verbally abused, and called a freak because of my asexuality.

It’s incredibly rare that someone chooses to be in a relationship that doesn’t involve sex. We are rejected by our partners & love interests & even by the LGBT community, when all we asked from them was acceptance. Even if you’re LGBT, you’re expected to have sexual relationships with someone.

Regardless, we are deserving of romantic connection & love. It can be lonely, being excluded from relationships, the lgbt community. Being called “broken” and “medically abnormal”.

So don’t you dare tell me asexuals aren’t marginalised .