#fantasizing

fanfix:

If I fantasize more about Q:

- I never, ever, ever have to buy a moisturizing cream again

- I’ll have to get new room(flat)mates and new linens more often


#1 and #2

Anon wrote:Hello mbti-notes! I’ve typed as an INFJ for a long time, but recently I’ve been debating as to whether or not I’m actually an INFP. I tried to follow your instructions as best as I could - if you could provide any insight, I’d really appreciate it.

I’ll start off by saying that I’m 19, and I’m diagnosed with dysthymia and social anxiety disorder. My past therapists have also suggested that I’m dealing with unresolved trauma from childhood bullying. I would say that my function usage is probably quite immature and/or unhealthy, as I still have a very difficult time managing my symptoms. This isn’t something that I’m used to, so I apologise in advance if what I say doesn’t make sense.

INFJ:

Dominant Ni:

My inner world is essentially the lens I look through to view the world itself. The main thing I look for within my life is meaning and purpose. I want nothing more than to find what brings me peace, and provides clarity for my existence. I see my whole life as a search for meaning, regardless of how meaningless my general activities may look on the outside. Everything I do and observe has to fit into my personal narrative and worldview - because of this, I am naturally attuned to making connections, particularly between people and relationships.

I also search for patterns within fictional media, such as stories - this is my main method of discovering and thinking about philosophy and meaning. As I engage, I regularly ask myself “What’s the meaning behind all this? What is the story trying to tell us? What do these characters represent?” However, as I view everything through a highly abstract and subjective lens, my conclusions are difficult to put into words or manifest in reality.

My need for closure and structure is prominent within my life. Sometimes the thought of no closure brings me great anxiety - I will often spoil myself for shows or games because of this. I have an insatiable need to know how things will turn out. I am generally slow to react and need to focus on one thing at a time, leading to a lot of pre-planning, particularly if this involves outside engagement.

Inferior Se:

Due to the intricacies of my inner world, I feel a constant sense of detachment from reality itself. My metaphorical viewpoints stem from avoidance of the harsh concrete. This leads to inaction and constant ruminating, as I don’t feel capable of engaging fully. I struggle to remain fully present within my body, I never feel truly “whole”. Because of this, I sometimes hyper-focus on the sensory world in short bouts, even within my own home, and this leads to chronic discomfort. I have developed a deep fear of the outside world itself, often resisting engagement due to this fear. Because of my views on the concrete, I often narrow my lens to only see the negative consequences of whatever the world throws at us. I can’t see the outside world for what it is, only what it represents - danger.

When entering a grip, I lose touch with my mind and develop terrible brain fog, and thus, I lose my search for purpose. Due to my loss of direction, I overindulge in sensory pleasures, particularly eating and video games, in order to fill the “void”, only to feel even more empty afterwards. I can only focus on things in small bursts, however, this leads to my focusing heavily on minor details that I would typically gloss over. I do this to disprove my personal narrative, further fuelling my nihilistic mindset. If my narrative isn’t true, nothing is, and life itself is meaningless.

Auxiliary Fe:

Fe has played a pretty large part in my life. I try my hardest to make everyone around me feel comfortable in order to maintain peace and emotional harmony. I struggle to cope with negative emotions or a hostile atmosphere, wanting any issues to be resolved as soon as possible. This can sometimes lead to me unknowingly pushing boundaries, such as inserting myself into arguments that don’t involve me, in order to make this happen. I believe that this stems from a fear of conflict, as well as having to prepare myself to take on the emotional burdens of others as my own.

I have always been very attuned to the feelings of others, to the point where it affects me on a deep level - more than my own emotional turmoils. Sometimes I even convince myself that I can’t feel unless someone else’s circumstances force me to. It has reached an unhealthy point where I’ve lost grasp of my identity, seeing myself as just a vessel made to absorb the traits of those around me. I’m very sensitive to how I’m perceived by others, and I’m willing to adjust my behaviour to fit in - this is my main way of avoiding judgment or standing out.

There are times where I resist Fe - this usually comes in the form of compassion fatigue and detachment from strong emotions. I become increasingly fearful of intimacy, and avoid social interaction to compensate for both this and my fear of judgment. I also develop a tendency to assume the worst about people I’m not close to, paranoid that they are secretly judging or mocking me. I will go to great lengths to avoid meeting new people in order to protect myself from their judgment.

Tertiary Ti:

I believe I use Ti to fuel my Ni, regarding my search for meaning. I am able to add depth to my insights using analysis, particularly of other people, and am always looking to fine-tune my inner frameworks. This also helps me rationalise others’ feelings as I absorb them, which provides a lot of help with my problem solving skills, particularly emotional conflicts.

However, I believe my usage of Ti is unhealthy - it is the main reason my thought process tends to become messy. During a Ti loop, I have a huge tendency to overthink, especially when it comes to things that will happen in the future. I end up overanalysing every choice that I make, questioning the same things constantly to make sure that I’m on the right track. The thought of being wrong and having to change course terrifies me. This analysis paralysis leads to chronic procrastination with any plans I make, believing that I will never be competent enough to get where I need to be.

INFP:

Dominant Fi:

I have a somewhat solid idea of the type of person I don’t want to be. I live in a rough area, and am no stranger to hostile people and environments that I have never been able to keep up with. I’ve never been able to adjust to it, and because of this, I can be quite inwardly critical of people who display undignified behaviour. I’m definitely guilty of considering myself as a “misfit”. When it comes to feelings themselves, I do have a tendency to be sensitive to criticism from others and I sometimes take things personally - the thought that I’ve let someone down is very difficult for me to deal with. When I sense that I’m under ridicule, I struggle to function normally, although I try to hide these feelings in fear of bothering people.

Inferior Te:

Due to my aforementioned pessimistic worldview, I have fallen into somewhat of a victim mentality numerous times, believing that I can’t keep up with the outside world and that I’m too weak to function properly. Because of this, I struggle to get out of my head and take meaningful action to resolve any issues in my life - I begin questioning what the point is, I’ll never reach my ideals anyway.

Auxilary Ne:

The prospect of auxilary Ne is the main factor that makes me doubt being an INFJ. This is mostly due to my frequent fantasising and daydreaming - I create intricate fantasy worlds and characters in my head to escape the harshness of reality. The stories I create tend to focus on gaining love and success in fantastical life endeavours that I know have no place in reality. However, I also tend to display Ne resistance at times. I am very prone to pessimism and only focus on the negatives for my future because of this. I often worry about how the negative aspects of life, such as losing close family members, will impact my future as well as those around me. This causes me to lose a lot of hope, knowing that more emotional trauma is to come and it can completely throw the future off course.

Tertiary Si:

Regarding the Si loop, under stress, I sometimes find myself longing for nostalgia, trying to relive some of the only good parts of my childhood (such as watching old DVDs) and wanting them back. This is mostly a way of coping with all of the bad things and people I had to deal with, I tell myself that things weren’t all bad. I also tend to resign myself to my comfort zone - I become pessimistic about future possibilities and long for the lack of responsibility a child has.

——————-

The INFJ stack fits quite perfectly, whereas evidence of the INFP stack is quite weak. You fantasize a lot, which only signifies N at best. I think what you haven’t grasped is that you use fantasy to fulfill the unmet needs of Ni and Fe (not Fi and Ne). It sounds like you believe fantasy is all you’ve got. But in the end it isn’t satisfying because it’s not real, so Ni and Fe remain starved.

It’s good that you’re seeing a therapist and trying to work through your issues. Yes, it is indeed very hard to live in an environment that is unsupportive of you, your strengths, and your sensitivities. But that is the point of developing Fe. Fe frees you from passivity by granting you the power to have an influence, to change the environment, and to create a space for yourself to be productive. The problem is that Ni is stuck on only one way of seeing everything…

spanky15113:

How would YOU tie up and gag her?

“we’re a losing game

i know that

but a sick part of me

loves the torture”

- d.c.