#female armor bingo
We’ve featured Ayumi of X-Blade before… but I wanted to compare the protagonist to a recent hero of the video gameworld.
“Let Me Solo Her” is a highly skilled player who volunteers to carry players with one of the hardest boss fights in Elden Ring (The latest game from FromSoft, creators of Dark SoulsandBloodborne) through the summon system.
So yeah, if you’ve seen fan art or an image of this dual wielding hero - that’s why, that and his displaying the opposite of the notorious “git gud” mentality.
“Sometimes the lag between the host and myself is too much so I get killed instantly sometimes, or miss the crucial dodge timing on Malenia’s waterfowl dance,” he says. “I would like to express my apology to those I have failed.”
But, why what is most compelling to me is his explanation for the signature attire he wears while doing this amazing service:
“It is a running tradition of Soulsborne games that the naked players are the most powerful beings in the game,” he replies. “Why wear armor if you don’t plan on getting hit at all?”
This is pretty much the explanation we’ve heard many, many times before: that various female protagonists who wear outfits like that of Ayumi - because it actually aims for the stated goals (as well as the general benefits in video games such as increased stamina regeneration).
It’s also only vaguely viable because this is a game built around death being a low stakes event, and thus making the consequence of such a flex where the maximum risk is mild embarrassment and disappointment in yourself.
The notion of it being a wise idea within a fiction where the consequences are death or life changing injury… because you’re sure you’re badass
Also like… dude has definitely got way better head protection that we see on the usual bikini badass fighting fucktoy - which is part of why he’s featured here despite being truly an empowered man.
-wincenworks
Warlocks from Dungeons & Dragons
Today in evil is sexy, a comparison of the official artworks for the core subtypes of warlock available in the Player’s Handbook. They’re separated by their type of patron who is respectively: The Fiend, The Archfey, and The Great Old One as they appear in Volo’s Guide to Monsters.
Now, Wizards of the Coast has started to revise materials, so technically the Fiend is no longer confirmed evil - but this artwork predates that decision and there’s a more important factor I want to highlight here.
One of these types of Warlock gains an ability where, by killing enemies they gain temporary hit points and so are unusually well equipped for dealing with. So one of them is supposed to go up the front while the other two hang out at the back.
Can you guess which one? If you guessed the one that looks like she can’t move or breathe without getting some sort of bruising or chaffing from her absurd bikini armor: You guessed right!
I know that text errata is much cheaper, easier and more effective - but part of the problem with these images is that they also appear in official Licensed platforms such as Roll20 and DnD Beyond.
So please Wizards of the Coast, can we have a new pic for “Warlock of the Fiend”. Pretty please?
- wincenworks
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Mara from Call of Duty (Death Dealer and other skins)
Preliminary point: Fuck Blizzard-Activision
Being bought out by Microsoft does not absolve the executives who created the nightmarish work environments and abusive culture and does not magically undo the harm that’s been wrought. There’s a lot of work ahead before that.
Main point: Mara has kind of a unique background in that despite having guns to hold her guns, the body model for her is cosplayer Alex Zedra, who looks more like a conventional model/alt-girl than a killing machine.
While there is definitely a trend for the female characters in Call of Duty to get sexed up skins, Mara seems to primarily exist to facilitate that and her more practical skins being there to incentivize people to pay for a battle pass in order to unlock the look they really want.
The only real upside to this was the brief moment on Alex’s stream where someone using one of the skins went to rescue her and captured this perfect streaming moment:
- wincenworks
Image sources:
https://www.reddit.com/r/modernwarfare/comments/fx34vr/mara_death_dealer_battle_pass_operator_skin/
https://earlygame.com/call-of-duty/hottest-female-warzone-skins/
https://callofduty.fandom.com/wiki/Mara
https://twitter.com/Alex_zedra/status/1432485338623119360
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Hag Priestess from Age of Sigmar
While Games Workshop has been improving with Warhammer 40,000 depictions of women (in places) they seem to pretty much have decided that Age of Signmar (ie the rebranded Warhammer Fantasy universe) is traditional fantasy and that means bikini armorforeveryoneempowered, young afab women (especially if they’re evil),
This seems to apply equally whether the product be RPGortabletop game.
But perhaps most entertaining about this is the use of the term “hag” - particularly given the please that they tend to hold in mythology and fantasy. I have yet to meet a woman who enjoys fantasy and doesn’t take delight in the idea that they grow old and withered, they will attain a special kind of power.
Really not sure what convinced GW that it was a good idea to say “okay, we’ll call her hag… but she’s like… hot and wearing a glued on metal bikini… and she’s holding like a giant cup like blood might spill over her… body at any moment…”
- wincenworks
Image Sources;
Age of Sigmar: Souldbound - Hag Priestess
Hag Queen on Cauldron of Blood
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Necromundu: Underhive Wars (2020) by Rogue Factor
Looking at the trailer and promotional material for this video game you would be forgiven for thinking it was some sort of ultra-violent dating reality show where competitors are eliminated through rounds of live ammunition laser/bullet tag.
Collectively the Escher gang tick off a lot of bingo boxes, and so much screen time you would think the game was supposed to be entirely about them and not the *checks notes* the six core gangs, five or six other factions, and four extra gangs invented for the sequel tabletop game “Necromunda: Underhive”.
This is probably in part because the base game only has three playable gangs, and clearly they chose Escher for the sex appeal angle, and Goliaths for the weird hypermasculinity… but they really… really lean into one of those:
How’s that working out for them…
I can’t help but think that perhaps the fashion bras, skin-tight pants are not really conveying the Escher gang as a people of amazons from a sub-society where their men are generally physically feeble and unable to defend their territory. Maybe it’s several decades overdue for a reinvention. Possibly at a conceptual level that forgoes the assumption of patriarchy being the default.
I’m sure Games Workshop is working on that… oh no…
- wincenworks
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Gloomhaven is a video game, based on a board game, with roleplaying game type elements, released to Steam in October 2021. The Scoundrel is a player character option in the game who seems to have the odd odd reversal of having pretty much only her boobsprotected by armor and the rest of her… wrapped really tightly in different colored bandages?
Here general appearance and trying to focus on her looking like a real world human woman with a modern haircut also kind of makes her stand out awkwardly in the turn order line-ups on screenshots.
It’s a bizarre change that seems to be a weird mix of trying to put a kind of alternative girl for guys who are into that in there, while trying to cover up everything to avoid being too up front about it. It’s particularly bizarre given how she appears in the board game (the text of which emphasises her being human):
Based on the marketing, it appears she was definitely intended to be iconic for this production of the game, and while it’s always nice to have a female characters as the face…
It’s not so nice when they seem to be stuck in this cycle of “woman = boobs, boobs = woman” that invariably leads to them spending more time on her boobs than on the rest of the character combined.
Guys maybe just… think of women as people rather than as a transportation device for boobs? It won’t hurt you. I promise.
- wincenworks
Image of the board game depiction taken from My Kind of Meeple’s guide.
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Bingo!
Shadowhunter - Assassin
Shadowhunters prefer to beat the demons at their own game—they can shapeshift into powerful demonic forms to unleash chaotic power. When their inner demon is unleashed, shadowhunters get access to incredibly destructive powers and increased health and movement speed.
So Lost Ark is currently (and rightfully) undergoing some hilarious criticism, by developers in other studios and streamers alike, for its absurd female walk cycle.
Naguura’s tweet here (definitely worth the watch)
Unsurprisingly, a quick review of the promo videos showed that the dark and terrifying Shadowhunter promo was somehow about a woman who wears a really weird pseudo-lingerie catsuit in which her boobs must be superglued to stay place with that cleavage. Her only “armor” being her giant, decorative pauldrons.
On top of that, despite the dark tone of the rest of the art style, the trailer is so horny that it makes her pose to show off her tiddy when dodging an attack.
Of course, the male version looks like generic MMORPG warrior dude but like… brooding and with dark eye makeup.
Look if “step on me goth mommy” is your thing, I’m not here to judge you - I am here to ask why its in this video that’s supposedly about hunting monsters in a fantasy MMORPG that is, like most, primarily about combat.
Also if you insist on doing this, I’m pretty sure there’s a lot of market demand for a goth dom daddy also in high heels. Just saying.
- wincenworks
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Amazing Spider-Man (2018-) #88
Who is QUEEN GOBLIN?! For almost sixty years, Spider-Man has been defined by Goblins, and Ben Reilly has a brand-new one all his own.
This outfit seems to be entirely too much of someone’s personal fetishes (including tease and denial with this bingo). Conceptually she looks like someone had the brilliant idea of “what if a HobgoblinandDemogoblin retired together, raised a daughter and she was super horny on main?” ¹
Except of course, since Spider-man is generally a super “wholesome” comic she probably won’t even get to be horny… (damn that tease and denial thing seems to be a theme here). It is apparently set for a whole lotta panty flashing and definitely-not-tribbing-with-Black-Cat though.
What’s really bizarre about that the mostly unrelated Goblin Queen’s outfit was briefly fixed in 2014. Again, this is why you cannot trust corporations not to backslide the moment they think they have enough feminist cookies.
- wincenworks
¹ Before anyone rushes in to tell me about how that particularly weird that would be given Demogoblin’s origin story involving (a) Hobgoblin - let me assure you that I know, and it’s 2022, we’ve all read weirder stuff on AO3.
² If you’re not sure what this refers to and the word “scissors” doesn’t clarify, I need you to be aware that it is a sex act and the Wikipedia entry has a very NSFW illustration right at the top of it: Link here
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Whenever anyone goes on a tirade about how we’re wasting out time because nobody cares, etc. Remember that when a cartoon candy changed what kind of shoes she wears, it provoked a pant shitting riot that included no less than Tucker Carlson of FOX News.
What is particularly hilarious about it in this case is that this is one where literally the only ones who care are socially inept reactionaries who bought into Mars’ absurd grandiosity in their statement about this.
The response from women has generally been multi-stage bafflement at this section on the Green M&M’s bio (yes, she has a bio) that’s written like she’s an executive rather than a candy:
Being a hypewoman for my friends. I think we all win when we see more women in leading roles, so I’m happy to take on the part of supportive friend when they succeed.
Then followed by questioning why Mars thinks they’re the experts on what kind of footwear that women in… non-specific circumstances? They kept the high heels on the Brown M&M, so clearly they don’t think that gendered footwear is the problem… just these particular go-go boots on this character.
The Mars trying to reinvent their slapstick cartoon candy as role models for young women, is hilarious as it is clueless but its still enough to provoke rage and panic from reactionary bros.
Representation matters. They agree: That’s why they shit their pants at even the most comically faint hint of it.
- wincenworks
(And FYI, whenever anyone tries to put this ridiculous bullshit on women, feminists, etc, be sure to point out to them that pretty much all the write ups by women were laughing at the absurdity of Mars’ misguided attempts at inclusivity by mildly adjusting how they use gender markers)
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So, despite having made no grand claims of being for everyone, it seems King of Fighters XV is going to have a playable black woman before Overwatchdoes.
Her costume is clearly a trainwreck which can be summarized best as “As fashion: Yes. For combat: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?” As such, while I would love to rant about every aspect of this costume… I feel there’s some more important bullshit that needs to be called out here.
Unsurprisingly for a series where a signature feature was the ability to blast the front off a female character’s top, there’s… there’s… a lot going on here, not the least of which is ultra-spiritual psychic from Mali is named… Dolores, teamed up for a full contact tournament with a foreign mercenary and a (probably) underage girl and has “interview” answers like this:
So baffling amount of exotification and a bafflingly impractical outfit who seems much more inspired by Bayonetta than anything relating to black culture - making attacks mostly through dance moves and summoning mud instead of magical hair… even though her hair does seem… magical.
All of which is to say… this is all rather secondary to what’s going on in the background…
Nothing about this is okay.
- wincenworks
King’s commentary generated via The Death Generator
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