#bikini armor battle damage
So,nerds with shit in their pants are crying about this… and while the main source of their paint seems to be Natalie Portman’s gunshow… it’s also great to see that her Thor costume is essentially the same as Chris’s… just with a little less detailing on the pectorials.
It really conveys strength and power and fortitude, without going out of the way to sexualize her (which isn’t to say I haven’t already seen many people attest that they have never seen Natalie look sexier). The armor was never super practical, but combined with the build it definitely creates the feeling of larger than life power.
What makes people claiming “this can’t be possible, it must be CGI!” extra wholesome and hilarious is that Natlie already talked about getting swole for the role, and how she actually enjoyed it because she’d never gotten to do that kind of heavy lifting workout before, back in mid last month and had been observed being beefy in public.
In summary… bring on Love and Thunder!
-wincenwork
We’ve featured Ayumi of X-Blade before… but I wanted to compare the protagonist to a recent hero of the video gameworld.
“Let Me Solo Her” is a highly skilled player who volunteers to carry players with one of the hardest boss fights in Elden Ring (The latest game from FromSoft, creators of Dark SoulsandBloodborne) through the summon system.
So yeah, if you’ve seen fan art or an image of this dual wielding hero - that’s why, that and his displaying the opposite of the notorious “git gud” mentality.
“Sometimes the lag between the host and myself is too much so I get killed instantly sometimes, or miss the crucial dodge timing on Malenia’s waterfowl dance,” he says. “I would like to express my apology to those I have failed.”
But, why what is most compelling to me is his explanation for the signature attire he wears while doing this amazing service:
“It is a running tradition of Soulsborne games that the naked players are the most powerful beings in the game,” he replies. “Why wear armor if you don’t plan on getting hit at all?”
This is pretty much the explanation we’ve heard many, many times before: that various female protagonists who wear outfits like that of Ayumi - because it actually aims for the stated goals (as well as the general benefits in video games such as increased stamina regeneration).
It’s also only vaguely viable because this is a game built around death being a low stakes event, and thus making the consequence of such a flex where the maximum risk is mild embarrassment and disappointment in yourself.
The notion of it being a wise idea within a fiction where the consequences are death or life changing injury… because you’re sure you’re badass
Also like… dude has definitely got way better head protection that we see on the usual bikini badass fighting fucktoy - which is part of why he’s featured here despite being truly an empowered man.
-wincenworks
Mavado of the Red Dragon Clan by John Dimayuga
I have to say, John really understands male empowerment and he has some exciting ideas for male characters in Mortal Kombat. (source)
But hear me out out - what if they were all dressed like this? What if all male characters in fighting games dressed like this?
They’dsell like hotcake right?
Ed Boon has talked a big game about empowerment for women via sexy female characters in Mortal Kombat - now it’s men’s turn. Ed, hire him! Today!
- wincenworks
More of John Dimayuga/jaeon009: Art Station | Instagram | Twitter
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Yvonne - The Last Sun Legionary by Filipe Augusto
It’s always great to see great art not just of warrior women, but of older warrior women who have clearly fought many times, won many victories and are absolute in their confidence any authority.
This piece is particularly inspiring since Filipe happens to be the senior concept artist at FUNCOM ZPX, the creators of the Conan Exilesgame.
So the next time someonerushes to assure youthatthe artists really, really wanted to draw barbarian babe in a leather battle bikini, feel free to point out that they may actually have wanted to draw a granny in plate armor - but someone said no.
- wincenworks
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Warlocks from Dungeons & Dragons
Today in evil is sexy, a comparison of the official artworks for the core subtypes of warlock available in the Player’s Handbook. They’re separated by their type of patron who is respectively: The Fiend, The Archfey, and The Great Old One as they appear in Volo’s Guide to Monsters.
Now, Wizards of the Coast has started to revise materials, so technically the Fiend is no longer confirmed evil - but this artwork predates that decision and there’s a more important factor I want to highlight here.
One of these types of Warlock gains an ability where, by killing enemies they gain temporary hit points and so are unusually well equipped for dealing with. So one of them is supposed to go up the front while the other two hang out at the back.
Can you guess which one? If you guessed the one that looks like she can’t move or breathe without getting some sort of bruising or chaffing from her absurd bikini armor: You guessed right!
I know that text errata is much cheaper, easier and more effective - but part of the problem with these images is that they also appear in official Licensed platforms such as Roll20 and DnD Beyond.
So please Wizards of the Coast, can we have a new pic for “Warlock of the Fiend”. Pretty please?
- wincenworks
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Today in the overlap of classic comic books and “male writers have female characters explain their ridiculous costumes are good for women actually” we have two classic pages from Emma Frost, aka White Queen (who we’ve previously featured been slut shamed for a costume male creators put her in) giving a ridiculous diatribe about how the costume is sexist but that means it’s empowering and is her armor actually… in a way that’s so convoluted it breaks the Female Armor Rhetoric Bingo.
But why does Emma wear that ridiculous outfit? Did legendary X-Men writer Chris Claremont have complex thoughtsonfeminism, sexuality and social dynamics? Was it a symbol of power in the era it was created? You can probably guess the answer is: No. Not even a little bit. The opposite of that.
The actual origin of the outfit is that in the 1960s, there was a super popular, super edgy (for it’s time) TV show called the Avengers and it had an episode A Touch of Brimstone in which super spy EmmaPeel infiltrates a club of debaucherous millionaires (trying to re-enact the legendary Hellfire Club) by posing an ultra elite, submissive sex worker, “The Queen of Sin”
(By the way, if the actress looks familiar and you can’t quite place her - that’s because the last time you saw her she was probably saying “Tell Cersei.. I want her to know it was me.”)
There’s more homages in there but yeah, after shamelessly copying content from a popular television show, Claremont then realized it was absurd even in that context and rather than reflect or revise, felt the need to put in this ridiculous warble about sexism in favour of women actually, if they just have the will to use it for their own advantage.
This is one of many reasons it is very difficult to have patience with people who insist that there’s actually good explanations and a lot of important symbolism in these things - because the symbolism is almost ways just misogyny and horniness with extra steps.
- wincenworks
P.S. That before someone rushes in to let me know Emma is evil at this point of her character development - the issue here is not whether she’s good or bad, it’s that the story is showing her beliefs as functions and has given her advantages over the other evil women. It’s not portrayed as a delusion of the evil, it’s portrayed as a truth that only the evil are willing to exploit.
Edit: I have received a couple of messages advising that Emma’s monologue was penned by Ann Nocenti, which creates a fun complicated dynamic given their history working together and Claremont’s history of sharing opinions. Further commentary to follow, but thank you to the people who reached out.
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Girl with a pearl Earring and full plate armour by Delsig.art
As a fan of classical artwork, homages to Vermeer and most importantly - great female armor, I really dig this piece.
- wincenworks
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Mara from Call of Duty (Death Dealer and other skins)
Preliminary point: Fuck Blizzard-Activision
Being bought out by Microsoft does not absolve the executives who created the nightmarish work environments and abusive culture and does not magically undo the harm that’s been wrought. There’s a lot of work ahead before that.
Main point: Mara has kind of a unique background in that despite having guns to hold her guns, the body model for her is cosplayer Alex Zedra, who looks more like a conventional model/alt-girl than a killing machine.
While there is definitely a trend for the female characters in Call of Duty to get sexed up skins, Mara seems to primarily exist to facilitate that and her more practical skins being there to incentivize people to pay for a battle pass in order to unlock the look they really want.
The only real upside to this was the brief moment on Alex’s stream where someone using one of the skins went to rescue her and captured this perfect streaming moment:
- wincenworks
Image sources:
https://www.reddit.com/r/modernwarfare/comments/fx34vr/mara_death_dealer_battle_pass_operator_skin/
https://earlygame.com/call-of-duty/hottest-female-warzone-skins/
https://callofduty.fandom.com/wiki/Mara
https://twitter.com/Alex_zedra/status/1432485338623119360
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Elden Ring understands the priorities of men entering a duel:
1.Empowerment
2. Color Coordination
3. Keeping your head warm
4. Everything else
The Duelist setandthe Rotten Duelist set respectively show FromSoft understood the assignment. No wonder these video games are some of the biggest selling fantasytitles.
- wincenworks
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Strixhaven: A Curriculum of Chaos
This week’s positive example brought to you by the ongoing baby crying from various people who present themselves (dubiously) as the old guard of RPGs with anti-progressive rants. Since it got announced, I don’t think a week has gone past I haven’t seen someone shitting their pants in anger of it.
But, what stands out to me is how every one of these images captures a spirit of fantasy adventure, that focuses on the adventure itself. Everyone’s attire has a set purpose and is factors in with what they’re doing. It also gives extra impact to the dance scene promo image.
It’s like these students wear clothing appropriate to the occasion and hence reserve their body hugging silk for fun occasions.
This is why its so ridiculous when we get people ranting at us about how any criticism of as some sort of declaration of ultimate evil - because ultimately they don’t really want comics,video games,tabletop games, movies, etc to be about their respective plots and genres - they want them to first be about protecting their position in the status quo and soothing their insecurities… the rest of it is optional and hence why their explanations are so tedious and predictable.
Because, in case you forgot, many of the early artworks and concepts for Dungeons & Dragons supplements and modules were so absurd they practically beg to be edited into pure comedy gold.
- wincenworks
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Hag Priestess from Age of Sigmar
While Games Workshop has been improving with Warhammer 40,000 depictions of women (in places) they seem to pretty much have decided that Age of Signmar (ie the rebranded Warhammer Fantasy universe) is traditional fantasy and that means bikini armorforeveryoneempowered, young afab women (especially if they’re evil),
This seems to apply equally whether the product be RPGortabletop game.
But perhaps most entertaining about this is the use of the term “hag” - particularly given the please that they tend to hold in mythology and fantasy. I have yet to meet a woman who enjoys fantasy and doesn’t take delight in the idea that they grow old and withered, they will attain a special kind of power.
Really not sure what convinced GW that it was a good idea to say “okay, we’ll call her hag… but she’s like… hot and wearing a glued on metal bikini… and she’s holding like a giant cup like blood might spill over her… body at any moment…”
- wincenworks
Image Sources;
Age of Sigmar: Souldbound - Hag Priestess
Hag Queen on Cauldron of Blood
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Necromundu: Underhive Wars (2020) by Rogue Factor
Looking at the trailer and promotional material for this video game you would be forgiven for thinking it was some sort of ultra-violent dating reality show where competitors are eliminated through rounds of live ammunition laser/bullet tag.
Collectively the Escher gang tick off a lot of bingo boxes, and so much screen time you would think the game was supposed to be entirely about them and not the *checks notes* the six core gangs, five or six other factions, and four extra gangs invented for the sequel tabletop game “Necromunda: Underhive”.
This is probably in part because the base game only has three playable gangs, and clearly they chose Escher for the sex appeal angle, and Goliaths for the weird hypermasculinity… but they really… really lean into one of those:
How’s that working out for them…
I can’t help but think that perhaps the fashion bras, skin-tight pants are not really conveying the Escher gang as a people of amazons from a sub-society where their men are generally physically feeble and unable to defend their territory. Maybe it’s several decades overdue for a reinvention. Possibly at a conceptual level that forgoes the assumption of patriarchy being the default.
I’m sure Games Workshop is working on that… oh no…
- wincenworks
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Unfortunately due to a variety of factors I wasn’t really able to see Dune (2021) until its theatre run was almost over but I have to say I really appreciated both the design of the stillsuits, how those designs are consist across genders of the wearers and the relatively increased presence of female characters compared to the 1984 film of the same name. My wife particularly enjoyed getting to see a mother be a badass.
The suits, while covered with many probably unnecessary details and doodads, still convey their utilitarian purpose of giving you a chance to survive on a harsh desert planet.
It’s particularly good since anyone familiar with the books knows two things about the meta of the Dune series:
- Frank Hubert was extremely passionate about the utilitarian nature of stillsuits and looked for literally every opportunity to bring it up in the text.
- After Frank passed away and his estates took over, the series descended into unmitigated horniness that barely relates to Frank’s work.
So I’m glad they didn’t use the later books as an excuse to let a creepy marketing guy go wild.
- wincenworks
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Gloomhaven is a video game, based on a board game, with roleplaying game type elements, released to Steam in October 2021. The Scoundrel is a player character option in the game who seems to have the odd odd reversal of having pretty much only her boobsprotected by armor and the rest of her… wrapped really tightly in different colored bandages?
Here general appearance and trying to focus on her looking like a real world human woman with a modern haircut also kind of makes her stand out awkwardly in the turn order line-ups on screenshots.
It’s a bizarre change that seems to be a weird mix of trying to put a kind of alternative girl for guys who are into that in there, while trying to cover up everything to avoid being too up front about it. It’s particularly bizarre given how she appears in the board game (the text of which emphasises her being human):
Based on the marketing, it appears she was definitely intended to be iconic for this production of the game, and while it’s always nice to have a female characters as the face…
It’s not so nice when they seem to be stuck in this cycle of “woman = boobs, boobs = woman” that invariably leads to them spending more time on her boobs than on the rest of the character combined.
Guys maybe just… think of women as people rather than as a transportation device for boobs? It won’t hurt you. I promise.
- wincenworks
Image of the board game depiction taken from My Kind of Meeple’s guide.
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game heroes happyhour by Gustavo Viselner
when the video games heroes meet for a beer there will always be an awkward moment
There’s a lot of things I like about this piece, a lot of nostalgia invoked, but also I can’t help but love how it showcases how ridiculous JainaProudmoor’soutfit is and have been since she was introduced. She’s so out of place compared with so many other iconic video game heroes, including Lara Croft.
For that reason, I also particularly like that it’s international icon of toxic and fragile masculinity, Duke Nukem, who’s the one who wants to move in.
- wincenworks
Gustavo is on tumblr, @viselner, but hasn’t posted this piece and doesn’t seem to have updated at all since July 2020.
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So the first look at The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power, specifically this magnificent set of plate armor that has been made for a very badass looking Lady Galadriel has provoked some… eh… I think the professional term is “engagement” ? (Almost all of it positive, but of course there’s a select minority trying their hardest to appear relevant and failing to a comical degree)
Of course, they’re absurd as someone has already pointed out it could be inspired by the historical artwork depicting the armor of Joan of Arc and frankly, if you’re not in love with that blend of practicality and femininity in the fluting, the layering of plate and chainmail, and the adornment to emulate a delicate necklace then I don’t know what to tell you.
This is the best feminine fantasy armor I’ve seen made for film. Ever.
But it’s not just this amazing suit that man-children are shitting their pants over, there’s also the stills of certain characters who belong to certain fantasy races.
Their voices are, by far, outweighed by the people who are super excited to see this level of quality in the fantasy genre and the kind of story that this sort of commitment to quality warrants.
And for the sentient shitbags crying that “when this tanks, they’ll blame bitter white men” - I assure you that nobody will give you a second thought.
You already promised to tank the wildly successful films:
- Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015)
- Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
- Star Wars: The Last Jedi (2017)
- Wonder Woman (2017)
- Black Panther (2018)
- The Witcher: Season 1 (2019)
Nobody believes your cadre of bitter little goblins has the power to crash shit, scurry back to your filthy warrens.
- wincenworks
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Bingo!
Shadowhunter - Assassin
Shadowhunters prefer to beat the demons at their own game—they can shapeshift into powerful demonic forms to unleash chaotic power. When their inner demon is unleashed, shadowhunters get access to incredibly destructive powers and increased health and movement speed.
So Lost Ark is currently (and rightfully) undergoing some hilarious criticism, by developers in other studios and streamers alike, for its absurd female walk cycle.
Naguura’s tweet here (definitely worth the watch)
Unsurprisingly, a quick review of the promo videos showed that the dark and terrifying Shadowhunter promo was somehow about a woman who wears a really weird pseudo-lingerie catsuit in which her boobs must be superglued to stay place with that cleavage. Her only “armor” being her giant, decorative pauldrons.
On top of that, despite the dark tone of the rest of the art style, the trailer is so horny that it makes her pose to show off her tiddy when dodging an attack.
Of course, the male version looks like generic MMORPG warrior dude but like… brooding and with dark eye makeup.
Look if “step on me goth mommy” is your thing, I’m not here to judge you - I am here to ask why its in this video that’s supposedly about hunting monsters in a fantasy MMORPG that is, like most, primarily about combat.
Also if you insist on doing this, I’m pretty sure there’s a lot of market demand for a goth dom daddy also in high heels. Just saying.
- wincenworks
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Amazing Spider-Man (2018-) #88
Who is QUEEN GOBLIN?! For almost sixty years, Spider-Man has been defined by Goblins, and Ben Reilly has a brand-new one all his own.
This outfit seems to be entirely too much of someone’s personal fetishes (including tease and denial with this bingo). Conceptually she looks like someone had the brilliant idea of “what if a HobgoblinandDemogoblin retired together, raised a daughter and she was super horny on main?” ¹
Except of course, since Spider-man is generally a super “wholesome” comic she probably won’t even get to be horny… (damn that tease and denial thing seems to be a theme here). It is apparently set for a whole lotta panty flashing and definitely-not-tribbing-with-Black-Cat though.
What’s really bizarre about that the mostly unrelated Goblin Queen’s outfit was briefly fixed in 2014. Again, this is why you cannot trust corporations not to backslide the moment they think they have enough feminist cookies.
- wincenworks
¹ Before anyone rushes in to tell me about how that particularly weird that would be given Demogoblin’s origin story involving (a) Hobgoblin - let me assure you that I know, and it’s 2022, we’ve all read weirder stuff on AO3.
² If you’re not sure what this refers to and the word “scissors” doesn’t clarify, I need you to be aware that it is a sex act and the Wikipedia entry has a very NSFW illustration right at the top of it: Link here
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Red Sonja Valentines Special (2022)
BURNING LOVE! Red Sonja’s temporarily developed fire powers… which is handy, since she’s in a land where warlords possess deadly ice powers. Sonja finds herself amidst a lovers quarrel, in which someone exchanged their heart and soul (quite literally) for overwhelming power. Can Sonja defeat a greedy cherub ogre and restore peace to the freezing lands?
If you’ve followed this blog for a while, you’ll know that one of our favourite forms of comedy is seeing maladjusted man-childrenscreamthatConanwears less so he must be equally, if not more sexualized than Red Sonja.
Can you imagine a comic company, even one as shitty as Dynamite Entertainment, ever putting out a Conan Valentine’s special where they him on a cover like this, and inexplicably give him magic powers for a story like this!?
The next time someone claims this, please, invite them to find the comic where Conan has this kind of this happen.
Because this ain’t the first time it’s happen to Sonja, and believe it or not… last year’s was actually worse:
Red Sonja Valentines Special (2021)
Red Sonja’s Hyrkanian habitat is turned upside down as her greatest enemy becomes… her greatest admirer?!?! You thought Kulan Gath being evil was frightful, wait until you see him head-over-heels in loooove!!! Sonja will face her greatest challenge resisting the urge to kill a love that Can. Not. Die!!!!
But won’t someone please think of poor Conan!?
- wincenworks
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I think it’s a pretty good example of how progressive voices generally get blamed for the actions of conservative powers, both by conservative reactionaries and centrists - the changes after all, are to appease the Chinese government’s “decency” standards - like these are the most troublesome aspects of Genshin Impact.
This isn’t the first time that the game has been altered at the behest of the CCP, but since last time it only involved issues of nationalism, capital G gamers were less concerned about it than they are about losing sight of a fictional navel.
The changes are obviously trivial, the designs are as ridiculous as before and the overall vibe is still the same but now it conforms to some arbitrary rules. No lessons are learned, and nothing grows from the experience except tantrums. The stories that can be told are more limited, and the incentive to come up with something truly ridiculous to game the rules raised.
This essentially the same strain of absurdity that leads to mainstreaming many of the worst aspects of bikini armor as once it becomes about arbitrary rules, creepy marketing guys look for ways to get around those rules while still being slimy and condescending.
Hence why Escher Girls has a massive collection of baffling images spawned from the weird rules that as long as you do something to indicate a nipple exists, and is covered (even if its miles from a believable location) you can show as much tiddy as you want… acres and acres of tiddy. So much tiddy, it breaks physics and language at the same time to assure you - she’s a woman.
On top of that, you’re almost guaranteed that even though there’s multiple articles talking about how it’s a decision made independently by bureaucrats within the PRC, shitlords are gonna blame western activists and random women for it like this kind of puritism hasn’t traditionally be levered against women.
If you catch anyone doing this though, feel free to point out to them that this is what actual censorship is and what it looks like: a government making up rules about what arbitrary things are and are not allowed because they say so.
- wincenworks
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