#female tc
//Wanna eat with us? We’ve got sausages!//
My date dumped me. I was already on my way when I got her message that she was incredibly sad, but she couldn’t make it so I just left the tram at the next stop not knowing what to do. My best friend was at her mothers birthday and I didn’t want to spent the evening alone.
I scrolled through my WhatsApp chats when I had a crazy idea
“Hey Starlight!”, I typed, “are you home and would you mind me coming over?”
My stomach almost flipped when she replied: “of course! You’re always welcome! You wanna eat with us? We’ve got sausages!”
“Sure! Thanks! I’ll be there in about half an hour.”
So I took the next train to her house. Her kids were home, playing with each other.
“You want some tea?” She said ad soon as I got in and when I said yes she said: “it’s in the kitchen. You know where everything is, right?” I nodded and got myself some tea before I entered her living room. I sat down at the table, but Starlight made a gesture to say that I should come and join her at the couch.
It was kinda surreal sitting close to her on that couch telling her about the girl who didn’t show up to the date, but it was also utterly great that she was so interested in everything I told her. We updated each other about everything that had happened in the past month. We had dinner together and I stayed while she brought her children to bed so we could continue talking. When I left she said: “it was a great evening! I really enjoy you beeing here so feel free to come over any time you like! And keep me updated on that girl!”
Like, can you even imagine?! She enjoys spending time with her. She tells me things only her closest friends know about! How on earth is it possible that I got so lucky?!
//it never gets boring with you, does it?//
It was nearly christmas and the city was crowded with people doing their last minute christmas shopping. We went to a nice and comfortable place next to the city centre and ordered some wine. I didn’t know what to expect of that evening I just wanted to see her, cause the last few weeks had been hell. I wasn’t sleeping and I wasn’t eating much. I just felt terrible about everything and I really needed someone I could talk to. When I texted her she immediately replied that she’d love to see me.
We talked for hours. Not just about me and my problems, but about life and love itself. About how we had grown in the last few years. About what we love, what we fear and what gives us hope, both knowing that we can trust each other to keep everything we say safe.
My life sometimes feels like a bad written telenovela. There’s so much crazy stuff going on an with most people I am afraid of telling them everything. But she knows me. Better than most people. I tell her anything and everything and always hope that I don’t annoy her, that she would get tired of the crazy stuff going on in my life.
When we left to catch her last train home she looked at me with a warm smile on her face and said: “it never gets boring with you, does it?” And then she hugged me to say goodbye. And honestly that was one of the best compliments anyone has ever said to me.
Alright. It’s been month since I updated you guys on Starlight but hell….a lot has happened so I’m keeping up in the next fe posts ❤
Starlight picked a piece for the concert next week that is so utterly perfect that my heart aches and is filled with joy at the same time when I listen to it. Every single note containeds her smile and her name is written all over it. Some music sums up all the pain and all the happiness one can feel.
Sorry for being so corny, but no matter what I do, she will always be the one for me. I love her beyond words and everything about her is so beautiful that it hurts. I’m feeling this way since 9 years and I doubt that it will ever fade.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! honey same!!! my tc like deadass picked a similar piece and it just……. makes me think of what being held in her arms would feel like
There is a certain type of music that is just as powerful as her. Like you can feel her excitement for the piece when you listen to it and I can literally see her conducting that exact piece in my mind and see her smile at some moments . And in concerts I know exactly the moments she will look at me and make eye contact, CAUSE SHE KNOWS WHICH PARTS WE BOTH LOVE. And I love those moments on stage where we are in front of everyone and there are so many eyes looking at us and everything just disappears the moment we look at each other.
Starlight picked a piece for the concert next week that is so utterly perfect that my heart aches and is filled with joy at the same time when I listen to it. Every single note containeds her smile and her name is written all over it. Some music sums up all the pain and all the happiness one can feel.
Sorry for being so corny, but no matter what I do, she will always be the one for me. I love her beyond words and everything about her is so beautiful that it hurts. I’m feeling this way since 9 years and I doubt that it will ever fade.
Your smile is the best thing in my life. When I’m with you everything suddenly makes sense. You are everything I want and everything I need. I will never get tired of looking into your beautiful eyes.
i found what perfumem wears and let’s just say — happy bean. also she has this sea green shirt i love on her, and two mustard tops i adore.
Just keep that perfume! I asked Starlight once which one she uses and bought it. We both still use it and honestly there’s nothing better than wearing a sweater that smells entirely like her it’s like she’s always with me.
December TC imaginechallenge
describe the perfect december day with your tc
I would pick her up at her house for a walk, cause she loves snow. She’s wearing her grey hat in which she looks absolutely adorable in. We would walk through the park and update each other about our lives. To remind her of the snow fight she once started I would pick up some snow that I throw at her. She would follow the invitation and start a fight.
Back at her house our cheeks are red, our hands frozen and my sweater is completely wet, because she managed to stiff some snow into it.
She would offer me a dry sweater and some warm socks before she smilingly pulls out two cups from the shelf in her kitchen “I suppose you need something to warm you up?” She’d say as she prepares everything to make mulled wine.
We would sit in the living room with our hot cups and at one point she would stand up to fetch a blanket. I would be polite and sit next to her on top of the blanket, but she would offers me to slip under the blanket as well, because she wants to protect me from freezing.
We would be laughing a lot, but also sharing our hopes, dreams and biggest fears, as we watch the sky getting darker and darker. At the end she would hug me tight and say “we should do this more often”
Once we were at a bar (we often go there after concerts) and I saw that her hair was a bit messy. I didn’t mean to interrupt her conversation, but I wanted to tell her just in case she wanted to redo her hair in the bathroom. I gently touched her shoulder to get her attention and whispered to her “you might wanna check your hair. It got lose.” I thought she would just fix it later, but she turned towards me and said: “don’t you wanna fix it then?” As if this was the most natural thing in the world to do. “Of course” I replied. So I gently tried to pull out her hair clips to save her hairdo. My hard was beating so fast in that moment. She wanted to check what I did with her hands and accidentally touched mine.
Whenever I think of that moment I’m smiling. Not just that she asked me, but that it was the very first thing that came to her mind.
“Not everyone is supposed to grow old together.”
I don’t care that we’ve never been a couple and never will be a couple. I don’t care that you don’t love me back the way I love you. But I wanna stay friends with you for the rest of my life. I wanna get used to the wrinkles around your eyes. I wanna compliment you on how cute you look when you need your first glasses and laugh about the good old days. I wanna sit with you joking about how we suddenly got so old.
I’m not supposed to be your partner, but I wanna grow old with you. Even if it’s just from afar.
I used to flirt with my teachers a lot. I’m a very outgoing person and absolutely not shy. So years after I graduated I talked to one of my old teachers about one of my first teacher crushes (not Starlight) and I couldn’t hold myself:
B: J (my TC) told me about you once.
Me: so what did she say?
B: that she always had the feeling that you were in love with her.
Me: yeah I know. We talked about that a lot and she was right. I had a big crush on her.
B: she was very confused.
Me: why confused?
B: she said she always had the feeling that you would talk to her like a man would.
Me: like a man?
B: yes, like a man trying to ask her out for a date or something. A man who was flirting with her.
Me: well, I was a lesbian trying to flirt with her and ask her out on a date
B: well, I guess that kind of thought never crossed her mind.
HOW ON EARTH can you sit in front of a girl who is TELLING you that she is in love with you and think: well, that’s weird. This kinda feels like a man is asking me out. But she no man??!? I don’t get it. ♀️♀️♀️
She’s the cutest!
I asked her to meet and she wanted to go with me to the christmas market to have some mulled wine. I have to work in a city nearby that day and her house is between the city I work in and the city she works in.
Me: we could meet half way, if you like to, but I don’t wanna invite myself to your house
Starlight: You can always invite yourself to my house! That sounds great
I can’t wait till next Monday! She also asked me to play with her orchestra and was super excited when I said yes.
“She’s my someone. She’s always going to be the reason for why my heart belongs in this world.”—juansen dizon
I remember the last time I was happy. And I remember the time before and the time before that.
I was happy when you drove me home in your car. I was happy when you smiled at me across the room, cause something reminded you of a late night conversation we had. I was happy when we danced or when we took drunk pictures of ourselves. I was happy when you asked me to stay for one more glass of wine. I was happy sitting on the floor of your new apartment with you while we built your new bed. I was happy when you told me your secrets.
My happiness is connected to you. Your smile lights up my world and I miss you. I miss me being happy, you know?
What if I’m never able to let you go? I tried. I tried and I tried and I tried. For 7 years now I convinced myself that I would find love again. What if I can’t?
Me: hey! I’m almost too afraid to ask, cause you’re busy all the time, but do you have some free time in the next month so we can meet for coffee? I need a new and fresh perspective on something and as I can remember you’re good at that
Starlight: yeah, of course. For you I’m always gonna find time! how urgent do you need me?
Me: It’s not that urgent. I need to find a day where I can stay away from home myself
Starlight: We’ll figure something out.
Me:thanks
Starlight: you’re welcome just text me you’re free days and when I’m back you can come over!
So this happened yesterday. Can you imagine that she actually said that she’ll always find time for me? She’s such an angel. I really need one of her hugs right now and I can’t wait to see her.
Currently I’m rereading old diaries from 2011 and holy shit, that woman had balls I told her two week before I was at her wedding that I was in love with her and she didn’t even blink.
She took care of me. My whole life she protected me. And I love her endlessly for not leaving when I asked her to and boy, I asked her many times.
I’m still alive, because of this amazing gorgeous woman who had no fear to show me real kindness. She’s my safe space and always will be and I’m so glad she’s a part of my life.
How I ended up smashed with Starlight and some other teachers discussing our underwear pt.2:
“When I really wanna feel pretty and sexy, I’m putting on a nice bra. It’s like magic. You guys should try it. Don’t you think?”, she said and winked at me.
“Yeah totally”, I agreed and took another sip from my glass. I felt how he alcohol was already making me dizzy and the last thing I needed was the image of Starlight half naked.
“I’ve always wanted to know if men feel like this, too.”, she continued.
“Pants make a difference? I mean, I get it, there are nice bras and bras my granny would wear, but pants are just pants, aren’t they?”, her colleague asked mockingly.
“They’re not just pants! Wearing the right one makes a guy hotter, too! Am I right?”, she looked at me as if she wanted confirmation.
“Don’t ask me.”, I said and shrugged. Suddenly she blushed heavily and giggled.
“Oh, I’m sorry”
“Don’t be. It’s true what you said though. As a woman you feel more self-confident wearing nice stuff and let me tell you, women with nice lingerie are ten times hotter.”
Her colleagues nodded in agreement.
“Sorry, Starlight, but I guess you’re the only one who likes men in this circle.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure of that.”
R, her oldest colleague grinned complacently. “I might be the kind of guy that noticed that a guy’s underwear makes a difference.”
“No way!”, she bursted out laughing.
“There’s a reason I studied contemporary dance and music.” We all joint Starlights laughter.
“So you’re bi?” another colleague asked. “I never understood how anyone could find men attractive.”
“Me neither”, I said, “women are just…wow. Being in love with a woman in like a religious experience. You should try it one time.” I poked Starlight and earned a few laughs from her colleagues.
“Well, I don’t know. There is this woman. The teacher from this other school we’re sometimes working with. She’s really attractive! I get a bit of a wow feeling when she’s around.”
She shrugged. “But I still prefer men. I can’t help it.”
“You got a terrible taste, Starlight.”, I said and took another sip.
“Do I? So you’re saying yours is better?”
“Of course! I’m a professional.”
Starlight raised her eyebrows and smiled.
“So you have to tell me who you think is attractive.”
“Maybe some other time.”, I smiled back. As the conversation continued I wondered what she would say if she knew that she’s the most beautiful woman I ever laid my eyes on. But I kept my thoughts to myself. Maybe some other time.
How I ended up smashed with Starlight and some other teachers, discussing our underwear pt.1:
“I’m sorry, but the bar is already closed.”
“Can’t you just sell us one bottle of wine?”, Starlight said pleadingly, “Just one bottle?”
The bar keeper sighed. “Ok, just one.”
“Thank you very much! You saved our evening” she said, poked me with excitement and took the bottle back to our table.
“I promised you a good evening and I’m keeping my promises” she whispered before she opened the bottle.
“What are we supposed to do with only one bottle? There are four of us. Five if T returns.”
“You’re right”, Starlight said and she shrugged, “but it’s better than nothing.”
“I know who has more booze than any youth hostel can offer”, her colleague said and ginned at her.
“You really wanna do that, huh?”
“Yes I do.”
“Ok, let’s do it.”
Starlight stood up and implied with a gesture that I should follow her. “We’re gonna go for a hunt”, was all she said. We went upstairs. A few doors, words and a disappointed looks on her colleagues face later we found what we were looking for.
“It’s the boys dorm”, she said with excitement in her voice. Her colleague knocked then opened the door immediately.
“That’s what I suspected. Boys, hand over the booze or I have to call your parents and the headmaster!”, his voice was calm but strict. When he came out if the room again he grinned and presented his pray. A big bag full of bottles and beer cans. Starlight and I tried to hold our laughter back.
“So, what are we gonna do with all that alcohol?” I asked back at the table.
Starlight smiled at me. “I promised you a good evening. Let’s have one!”, and she handed me a glass filled with rum and coke. “We can’t square with our conscience that the students are drinking that much on a school trip”, her colleague said mockingly and grabbed a beer.
Building a home pt. 2
After our first concert she drove me home which meant about 3 hours with just the two of us.
We talked about a lot of things and at one point I started to tell her about a woman in the orchestra that I was in love with. That way I could tell her everything that was on my mind and discuss it with her without the need of confessing my feelings for her.
When we were nearly at home I said that I didn’t want to go home yet and she agreed. She looked at me with a big smile on her face and said: “How do you feel about Dinner and one last Beer?” So we drove to a restaurant to spent some last moments together.
We talked a lot about her divorce and she told me things that I’m pretty sure she only told a few close friends. I can’t describe how it feels to be so close to her, to have her trust. She always was like a beautiful rare flower to me, but she was behind glass. I was never able to really touch her. I could only glare at her from a distance. Seeing her so vulnerable yet so strong is like somebody destroyed the glass between us. It’s like a beautiful painting that came to life.
Building a home pt.1
Another big thing that happened was our last orchestra project. She didn’t want to come in the first place, but her best friend and me sent her a voicemail and convinced her to come. And she came.
So we spent some days together talking, dancing, drinking, laughing and crying. She actually forgot that she was my teacher once and I had to remind her. Then we were mistaken for sisters and she told a very convincing story about me being her half-sister. One evening we watched a DVD all together from a previous project. She started crying and when the lights went on I realised that there were only a few people in the room who knew why and I was one of them. I hugged her to make her feel better and she buried her face in my shoulder. But we also laughed a lot and danced to crappy music while drinking cheap wine.
This place with those crazy and incredibly talented people is our home, our family. And I’m glad she made her way back.
November TC Challenge
6) what was your first impression of them?
Funny story. I thought: “wow she’s beautiful, but sadly she’s not my type.” cause I was a stupid teenager and only had crushes on women with blue eyes and blonde hair before. I was 13 and didn’t think I could fall in love with her. Oh boy, I was so wrong.
November TC Challenge
5) what’s your favourite memory with them?
Since I’m lucky enough to have 10 years of memories to chose from it’s very hard to pick one.
The day I helped her move into her new flat I was the last one to stay with her. Everyone had gone home and she offered me a glass of wine and because she had no appropriate glasses we drank it out of a coffee cup. We sat down on a mattress (that was her bed at that time ) and talked about everything. I felt so close to her in that moment and she told me about her childhood, her dreams, her hopes and fears.
A few month later she drove me home. The time in the car was already amazing, but when we got close to the city we live in we decided that none of us wanted to go home yet so we ended up going to a restaurant together.
And a memory that is many many years old. When I was still her student she helped me out many times. And after one of our meetings she hugged me so tight that I could feel her heartbeat. We stood there for minutes and when I hugged her a bit tighter she hugged back.
I could list so many more moments she makes me so incredibly happy and I know that I am the luckiest person on earth to be her friend.
normalize me getting fucked!!!
i just wish jc would like find this blog, realize i was talking about her, and then either fuck the living shit out of me the next day, or take me out to dinner
11.3.21
yesterday i had L and i forgot to write about it but it was too great so here we go
okay so L was in a really good mood yesterday. she was laughing and making jokes and being rely friendly. usually she just kind of sits quietly and almost never jokes around with students so i was pleasently suprised that she was feeling happy :) i think she’s been having a bit of a stressful week but it’s coming to an end now so she was a lot of fun in class
so we came into class and sat down and L presented her screen onto the board. i saw that she changed her background again to another photo of her dog and it was super cute. she has been presenting her screen and like leaving it as her background for 5 minutes recently so i got a good look at it lol.
while we were settling down i was talking to my friend. i was talking a lot because we had a deadline and my friend didnt know how to do something so i was explaining it to her. L called me a chatterbox it wasnt mean she was laughing but it kinda embbarased me lmao she said it like 3 times throughout the lesson
and then we were reading stuff of the board and i put my glasses on and she said ‘wow paula, you need glasses?’ and like smiled at me. its funny because ive always needed them but i just wouldnt wear them in L’s class because i didnt wanna look ugly but my doctor recently said i need to wear them more because my eyesight is getting worse and ive worn them like 6 times to her class. i thought she would say something the firdt time i wore them but she ignored it and now 3 weeks later she comments lol
after we were done with the activity she stopped sharing her screen and walked back to her desk. i took this as an opportunity to have a conversation becsuse she was in a good mood and i thought she’d be more chatty than usual
so i said 'hey L, is that a new photo of your dog? he looks adorable!’ and she said that it was and showed me another picture of him!!! and i said his eyes are adorable and she was i know his eyes!!! and then i asked how old he is and she said a year old. and i asked when she got him and she said she got him at 6 weeks old!!! and she told me a bit about him it was great
thats the scary thing about having a tc. you have to always be the initiator. you cant really rely on them to initiare if you want to get closer and it sucks when youre shy like me. i have never been outgoing at all but with L i just say f it and talk to her lol
when the bell rang i got my stuff and left and said 'have a good weekend L!’ and she said 'you too!’ and that was friday.
if you’re still here thank you for reading all that and have a great day❤️ may your next class with your tc be the best one yet
