#forcibly because he never lets me pay

A conversation between myself and my best friend:

Us: *sitting in his car eating those little orange slice fruit cups*

Me: when we were younger, my sister and I used to pretend these we slugs. I dont know why but we loved the idea of eating little cups of slugs

Him: I ate a worm when I was 11

Him: and now I’m lactose intolerant

Me: are you implying that the worm made you lactose intolerant?

Him: I ate a worm and now milk makes me throw up, what other conclusion do you expect me to come to???

Him: this is the first thing I’ve eaten today

Me: ?!?!?!?!?!? We offered to buy you dinner tonight and you refused and said you ate leftovers?!?!?!?!?!?

Him: I got busy and forgot

Me: …

Him: I had a coffee this morning

Me: … *runs back into the grocery store to forcibly buy him a sandwich*