Don’t shit on your kids’ music, it’s gross and lame. Most of our grandparents thought the Beatles were trash. Most of our parents thought Nine Inch Nails were talentless. Don’t be that 30 something, is all I’m saying. If your kids are listening to Nazi indoctrination yeah you may wanna step in but otherwise get some noise cancelling headphones and let it ride. It’s us, not them. We’re the problem now.

research teacher to a random kid: you get infected and die happy birthday by the way

A conversation between myself and my best friend:

Us: *sitting in his car eating those little orange slice fruit cups*

Me: when we were younger, my sister and I used to pretend these we slugs. I dont know why but we loved the idea of eating little cups of slugs

Him: I ate a worm when I was 11

Him: and now I’m lactose intolerant

Me: are you implying that the worm made you lactose intolerant?

Him: I ate a worm and now milk makes me throw up, what other conclusion do you expect me to come to???

Him: this is the first thing I’ve eaten today

Me: ?!?!?!?!?!? We offered to buy you dinner tonight and you refused and said you ate leftovers?!?!?!?!?!?

Him: I got busy and forgot

Me: …

Him: I had a coffee this morning

Me: … *runs back into the grocery store to forcibly buy him a sandwich*

the rudy and bob show

there are these two people in my class. let’s name them rudy and bob.

at my school we could choose where we wanted to eat lunch ie. we could eat in either the cafeteria downstairs or in a classroom. 

most of the popular (read: snobby) kids would eat in the cafeteria, so that left us weird shits in the classroom.

rudy and bob got really bored one day, because without the popular kids, there wasn’t a lot of drama. so they decided to do something.

one day, they walk up to the front of the class and write on the whiteboard: THE RUDY AND BOB SHOW!!!

basically what they did was reenact music videos of songs, including singing and background dancers and shit, with two people.

they even accepted music video requests. so one day, someone obviously requested senorita.

if you haven’t watched the music vid, it’s really sensual and stuff.

AND RUDY AND BOB SAID YES.

so, on that fateful day, we all left our lunches at our desks, circled up our chairs, and watched this go down. 

it was honestly one of the funniest things i’ve ever seen.

“I’m a beautiful melon person.”

“I think you mean ‘American.’”

Kid 1: “judge Judy!”

Kid 2: “no no no we’re going for dead people remember?”

Kid 3: “I dunno I think we can make that happen…”

Teacher: “are you guys talking about assassinating judge judy?!?!?!”

V: hi

R: where did you come from

V: hell

R: oh i didn’t see you there

A: it’s a big place

R: fair enough

“Don’t argue with the hat or you’ll end up in Gryffindor. That is a threat.”