#high school quotes
I wouldn’t do it senior year. You’re gonna look back and be like “holy shit they became a prostitute.”
-some jock guy behind me
english teacher, trying to inspire us:
“English is a language of words.”
i’d sure hope so?
“Excuse me I’m motherfucking Dracula when it comes to writing”
- my friend Kate.
The English teacher overheard us and causally said “I think you mean Bram Stoker.” And I nearly had a heart attack
*more than 2 people speak in zoom*
*my bitchass zoom freezes up*
me: y'all bitches broke my zoom
Bees <3
Our long term sub introducing herself: hi my name is Miss Shank. A kid in the back: was that your prison name?
“If you can’t breathe, yes you can.”
random kid: isn’t it weird how there are like, no old teachers in this school? everybody’s in their 20s or 30s, where are the old people?
other kid: well maybe there were and they had to… be suddenly replaced
first kid: the teachers died???
other kid: possibly
Update!! Hank is wagging his tail and the vet says he’s getting better! we’re still $9,310 from our goal but we still raised $690 so far so thank you to everyone who’s donated or is planning to!! Here’s a little update pic and the gofundme link!!
Hey guys this isn’t a normal post but my dog had to have surgery last night. A mass ruptured on his speed and now he’s internally bleeding. I know it’s close to the holidays but even a dollar helps! Thank you all so much!!
“Okay I feel your vibes, but you have to tell me what your favorite mafia is!”
dude I spend 9 hours at a high school 5 days a week you are going to get so sick of me
submitted by @hopefullyharvard
Me and my friend, while doing a worksheet about the first colonies in a separate room from the main classroom: *talking about armpit hair for some unknown reason*
Teachers aid, from the other room: ”THE FIRST SETTLERS DID NOT HAVE ARMPITS, FOCUS ON YOUR WORK”
When we were about 12 one of my classmates tried to lick a frozen lamppost (it was winter) to see if his tongue would stick like it does in cartoons. Guess what - it did. He spent 30 minutes stuck to the pole until we finally found our teacher who poured hot tea on his tongue to melt it off the lamppost. Still one of the funniest moments of middle school ever
“jfk isn’t dead! he just has a headache :/”
the freshman across the hall said this while we were having lunch. whole room full of students immediately went silent & stared at these 14-year-olds and they didn’t even notice
Some Random Kid In My Class: How can I legally get away with murder?
My Criminology Teacher: Alright, listen up you little shits, technically encouraging murder could potentially make me an accomplice so you’re all going to forget we ever had this little talk, capiche?
The Class: Sure
My Criminology Teacher: *Pulls out a huge book from under his desk as well as a journal and then launches into a lengthy lecture about murder and the legal loopholes involved*
So yeah, I’m now officially afraid of him and 98% sure he’s killed someone at some point
…oops
so uuuuuh kinda abandoned this account after saying I wouldn’t? Sorry guysssss, I have a bad habit of starting things and not finishing them, especially something like this while I’m working and attending a university.
I think I’m gonna queue some submissions up (starting from the like oldest so if you see your submission from like a year ago… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ oops)
aaaanywaayyyy…sorry again but happy halloween!!! (if you celebrate)
feel free to share what you’re being this year (my friends and I are doing Coraline and i’m Wybie)
ok byeeeeeee :)
“HEY THIS REMINDS ME OF A YAOI HENTAI I SAW”
“you need to write something you would change about your performance, it’s called self reflection -”
“WELL I’M LOOKING AT MYSELF AND I LOOK GREAT”
research teacher to a random kid: you get infected and die happy birthday by the way
this isnt an exact conversation but.
one time i (jokingly!!) told my friend she would die of scurvy if she didn’t eat more vegetables and she believed me and got really scared and ate wayyy too many vegetables,
but then she got a cold or something and googled her symptoms and went “oh my god i think i have scurvy” and i thought she was joking and i was like “yea ur gonna die” BUT SHE BELIEVED ME and actually thought she was gonna die of scurvy
“My cat stole my balls”
“Fake balls??”
“No, my tennis balls”
A conversation between myself and my best friend:
Us: *sitting in his car eating those little orange slice fruit cups*
Me: when we were younger, my sister and I used to pretend these we slugs. I dont know why but we loved the idea of eating little cups of slugs
Him: I ate a worm when I was 11
Him: and now I’m lactose intolerant
Me: are you implying that the worm made you lactose intolerant?
Him: I ate a worm and now milk makes me throw up, what other conclusion do you expect me to come to???
Him: this is the first thing I’ve eaten today
Me: ?!?!?!?!?!? We offered to buy you dinner tonight and you refused and said you ate leftovers?!?!?!?!?!?
Him: I got busy and forgot
Me: …
Him: I had a coffee this morning
Me: … *runs back into the grocery store to forcibly buy him a sandwich*
“Travis Konecny is the love of my life”
“Travis Konecny is a feral racoon of a hockey player, GET YOU SOME STANDARDS, CHILD”
the rudy and bob show
there are these two people in my class. let’s name them rudy and bob.
at my school we could choose where we wanted to eat lunch ie. we could eat in either the cafeteria downstairs or in a classroom.
most of the popular (read: snobby) kids would eat in the cafeteria, so that left us weird shits in the classroom.
rudy and bob got really bored one day, because without the popular kids, there wasn’t a lot of drama. so they decided to do something.
one day, they walk up to the front of the class and write on the whiteboard: THE RUDY AND BOB SHOW!!!
basically what they did was reenact music videos of songs, including singing and background dancers and shit, with two people.
they even accepted music video requests. so one day, someone obviously requested senorita.
if you haven’t watched the music vid, it’s really sensual and stuff.
AND RUDY AND BOB SAID YES.
so, on that fateful day, we all left our lunches at our desks, circled up our chairs, and watched this go down.
it was honestly one of the funniest things i’ve ever seen.
Teacher: are you eating dry cereal in my class?
Student, holding a bunch of cereal in his hands: maybe
Teacher: it’s making loud crunch sounds so you need to stop
Student: okay sorry
Teacher: what cereal is that anyway?
Student, after pausing to think about it for a long time: I don’t know, they’re circles
Teacher: …Cheerios?
Student: probably?
Teacher: I worry about your generation sometimes
my friends support me wanting to become a cryptid
teacher:pleasedonot pee on your wounds
In class learning about vaccines and polio and all that jazz:
Student 1: Idk, testing out a potentially deadly vaccine on 1.3 million small children sounds… not great morally
Student 2: right but isn’t polio a thing that kids get? So they would need to test it on kids because they’re the ones who get polio
Student 1: no, I’m pretty sure polio comes back as an adult, doesn’t it?
Student 3: yeah, there’s polio and then if you survive that you get Polio 2: Electric Boogaloo
well, you know, i like to eat my eyeballs how i like to eat my sushi: with soy sauce and chopsticks
*sounds of the kid who decided wearing an inflatable dinosaur costume for mufty day getting beaten up grow louder*
(me. it was me.)
“I’m a beautiful melon person.”
“I think you mean ‘American.’”
Kid 1: “judge Judy!”
Kid 2: “no no no we’re going for dead people remember?”
Kid 3: “I dunno I think we can make that happen…”
Teacher: “are you guys talking about assassinating judge judy?!?!?!”
*as they go under a bar*
“yeah, I go over easily because I’m tall, you’re more of an under person”
“…Did you just call me a bottom?”
I didn’t catch the rest of the rest of the sentence, but I overheard “…that was before Kmart was a thing, and before I knew gravity falls even existed.”
“Simply become a prostitute until you have enough money to hire a hitman to kill all of your clients”
*softly* “No.”
V: hi
R: where did you come from
V: hell
R: oh i didn’t see you there
A: it’s a big place
R: fair enough
