Having the absolute worst sleeping schedule known to man

Why is the latest generation called gen alpha?? They’d grow up to be wolves?? All of them??

Thinking about today’s Math Class when the teacher asked us to choose a Random number and my STUPID DIRTY GEN Z ass brain literally said ‘69’

“you need to write something you would change about your performance, it’s called self reflection -”

“WELL I’M LOOKING AT MYSELF AND I LOOK GREAT”

“My cat stole my balls”

“Fake balls??”

“No, my tennis balls”

A conversation between myself and my best friend:

Us: *sitting in his car eating those little orange slice fruit cups*

Me: when we were younger, my sister and I used to pretend these we slugs. I dont know why but we loved the idea of eating little cups of slugs

Him: I ate a worm when I was 11

Him: and now I’m lactose intolerant

Me: are you implying that the worm made you lactose intolerant?

Him: I ate a worm and now milk makes me throw up, what other conclusion do you expect me to come to???

Him: this is the first thing I’ve eaten today

Me: ?!?!?!?!?!? We offered to buy you dinner tonight and you refused and said you ate leftovers?!?!?!?!?!?

Him: I got busy and forgot

Me: …

Him: I had a coffee this morning

Me: … *runs back into the grocery store to forcibly buy him a sandwich*

“Travis Konecny is the love of my life”

“Travis Konecny is a feral racoon of a hockey player, GET YOU SOME STANDARDS, CHILD”

the rudy and bob show

there are these two people in my class. let’s name them rudy and bob.

at my school we could choose where we wanted to eat lunch ie. we could eat in either the cafeteria downstairs or in a classroom. 

most of the popular (read: snobby) kids would eat in the cafeteria, so that left us weird shits in the classroom.

rudy and bob got really bored one day, because without the popular kids, there wasn’t a lot of drama. so they decided to do something.

one day, they walk up to the front of the class and write on the whiteboard: THE RUDY AND BOB SHOW!!!

basically what they did was reenact music videos of songs, including singing and background dancers and shit, with two people.

they even accepted music video requests. so one day, someone obviously requested senorita.

if you haven’t watched the music vid, it’s really sensual and stuff.

AND RUDY AND BOB SAID YES.

so, on that fateful day, we all left our lunches at our desks, circled up our chairs, and watched this go down. 

it was honestly one of the funniest things i’ve ever seen.

Teacher: are you eating dry cereal in my class?

Student, holding a bunch of cereal in his hands: maybe

Teacher: it’s making loud crunch sounds so you need to stop

Student: okay sorry

Teacher: what cereal is that anyway?

Student, after pausing to think about it for a long time: I don’t know, they’re circles

Teacher: …Cheerios?

Student: probably?

Teacher: I worry about your generation sometimes

my friends support me wanting to become a cryptid

teacher:pleasedonot pee on your wounds

mysterious-sushi:

well, you know, i like to eat my eyeballs how i like to eat my sushi: with soy sauce and chopsticks

*sounds of the kid who decided wearing an inflatable dinosaur costume for mufty day getting beaten up grow louder*

(me. it was me.)

*as they go under a bar*

“yeah, I go over easily because I’m tall, you’re more of an under person”

“…Did you just call me a bottom?”

“For the last time, he’s in his thirties, you’re sixteen.”

“But I love him…”

(It was about Harry Styles, apparently)

You think I can catch feelings?? Jokes one you! Ha! I wear my ✨medical mask✨ you BITCH! Caught it, got it, got over it,, I’ve got the ANTIBODIES for FEELINGS MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Y’all ever just realize you’re highkey whore-curious? Like no I have not slept around but I definitely vibe with it and plan to try my very best