part of what annoys me about “all men are trash - but like not trans men you guys are special!!” is the idea that trans men wouldn’t feel solidarity with our fellow men. that we would want to be divided from them, as if we don’t see them as our friends, brothers, fathers, partners, comrades etc. as if we wouldn’t want all of our fellow men to be freed from gender roles and cissexism.
yeah like what bothers me about that shit is, as a gay dude, I see what men are like when phones are away, cameras turned off, behind bedroom doors, how many of them immediately become so much softer and emotionally open & complicated. I like cis dudes as well as trans, not because I see them as some valorization of my Real Manhood, but because so many need to be held and cry into someone’s arms so badly & i mean SO fucking badly
hell yeah.
patriarchy hurts all of us. all of us.
I’m glad to have seen this, thank you.
As a cis woman who has heard this before (and probably thought it in passing)—
I never considered that it would take that sort of direction of negatively dividing.
I suppose I always assumed that trans men had a window into the world of how women are treated and so therefore were a step ahead in the way of “understanding”. To explain a little:
I watched a friend transition over a period of time and his view of the world changed in a pretty big way (coming from a home that did not accept him). He told me that before transitioning, he didn’t think about the sheer extent of the little things women do to protect themselves from men. We learn so young and then it’s so habitual we don’t see it.
Once he began his transition and began to present more masculine traits (even at a glance) he started to realize how differently he was perceived. Women crossed the street to get away from him as he casually walked home. Men gave him space on the sidewalk. Women often sidestepped so he had the right of way. It took him a minute to realize he used to do those things too. (Especially since he habitually went to do them and then there was that awkward dance of both people being polite and getting further in each other’s way)
He said while he didn’t exactly have it easy being a trans man (honestly, his family was absolutely awful) he never realized how difficult things were when people perceived him as a woman. It was just “the way it is”.
Those conversations really solidified my personal idea of “ugh, men suck, but not trans men.”
And it absolutely is the patriarchy. And I know this. And I know the men who do the things I hate have also suffered at the hands of the patriarchy, even if they can’t see it and/or don’t care.
As a cis woman, I have felt a solidarity with trans men because so many have seen into my world and suffered in similar ways. To lump them in with the men who wrong me feels… inaccurate. (Because they so often don’t)
But with this, I’m seeing how it’s harmful to exclude trans men from even something as broad as “men are [negative trait]”, despite the good intentions it may have.
there are entire segments of the “left” that see trans women as their political enemies when worldwide, some of the most destitute and exploited people under patriarchy and imperialism, are trans women, who are disproportionately stuck in the sex trade, homelessness and poverty.
Not everything is beautiful. Not everything is for you. You can’t be in control all the time. The trick we teach one another is how to remain in tact even after you decide we don’t deserve what you gave us and you take it back. If we can just stay whole, then one day, you won’t be able to decide for us, we’ll have everything whether you approve of it or not. What do you know about being deserving anyhow?
Note, I am finding these threads on the twitter feeds of ICU nurses who are now dreading the horrors that Roe falling will bring to their hospitals. This, on top of the horrors that they’ve seen and continue to see because of the pandemic. They were already exhausted and hanging by a thread.
