#funny but true

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Your kid will make you act like a Mexican drug lord. Bet.

Your kid will make you act like a Mexican drug lord. Bet.


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Just the fucking tip. Write this down. You’re welcome.

Just the fucking tip. Write this down. You’re welcome.


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You just don’t know.

You just don’t know.


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Let her sleep.

Let her sleep.


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bitchycode: ‍♂️ I’d like to thank my mother for being a bitch, the academy, & Jesus Christ

bitchycode:

‍♂️

I’d like to thank my mother for being a bitch, the academy, & Jesus Christ.


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dangerously-human:

therainshallmakeadoor:

actualmythicalcreature:

ketenkusu:

y-that-crazy-five-foot-two-chick:

anxietyproblem:

This is what hozier meant when he says he falls a little bit in love everyday with someone new

I once watched a girl in the produce aisle pick up a bushel of bananas that were precariously perched on the edge and move them farther back and under her breath she said “there you go sweeties - that will be more comfortable” before shuffling off and… I think about her often.

« Silent lovers » is such a sweet way to put it.

I was driving on the highway and passed a dude absolutely JAMMING alone in his car, doing those little half dance moves you do when you’re stuck sitting down in a small space, bellowing unheard lyrics at the top of his lungs, and my instant reaction was to think “I love you.” And then to pray he had a good day, or whatever, because those fleeting moments of connection are so incredible.

funny but true

amortizing:

““Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.””

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