#gay reader

Summary: drabble about Sirius’s death :) , (Y/N) reacts etc.

Pairing: Sirius Black x Male Reader

Key: (Y/N)- your name

Warning: sirius’s death, angst, survivor’s guilt, a lot of sobbing (i am venting)

Word Count: 536

He dropped to his knees looking down. A black abyss felt like it would tear him apart, limb from limb. The kind of heart wrenching sob that started in one person’s throat and lodged itself into another. His throat stung and flexed as he tried to get the words out, but nothing came out. Remus was pulling Harry back as best he could, (Y/N) couldn’t stop. It just came out now, horrible sobs that mixed with Harry’s screams.

He put his head in his hands, gripping at his own hair with a frantic inhuman sound coming from his throat. There was nothing he wished more than to switch places as he watched Harry scream. It should’ve been him, he repeated in his head over and over again. No one dared to comfort him, most too busy trying to calm Harry down.

“It’s broken.” He repeated over and over again as Remus tried to drag him out of there, but he wouldn’t budge, only looking up and down from his hands to the veil.

“We have to go.” He sighed, trying to comfort him the best he could given his own heartbreak.

“I won’t leave him there! He’s not gone! H-He can’t be. Please, Remus. Save him. Please.” He begged, his hands gripped onto Remus’s pants desperately, tears had stopped flowing almost 20 minutes ago now he just dry sobbed and heaved.

“I can’t.” He whispered softly, grabbing the back of (Y/N) head with his hand as he sobbed further into his pants.

“Y-You have to. Please.” It broke Remus’s heart, seeing his friend like this. With Harry gone and him and (Y/N) being the only people left in the death trap, he too fell to his knees with him.

“I couldn’t even if I-I wanted to.” He said shakily as he hugged (Y/N), keeping him from shaking harder in his grasp. He wanted to cry too… He’d lost his best friend.

“We c-can’t even have a proper funeral, Moony.” He shouted into the fabric of Remus’s jacket, gripping on Remus like he was the last thing keeping him together and in this moment… he was.!

“We just got him back.” Remus sniffed a little, hugging (Y/N) tighter. They were all that was left.

“Please make the hurting stop, Remus. Please.” He begged more, Remus’s figure started shaking a bit. A few sniffs escaping his careful facade.

“I don’t know how.” He choked out honestly, trying to muffle his cries into (Y/N)‘s coats.

“Neither do I.” (Y/N) stuffed his face into Remus’s jacket again, shielding himself from the hurt it brought him to look up. Just for a moment.

“Then I guess we’re in the same boat” Remus chuckled sadly, a real joke of the world, he thought. A cruel, stupid, reckless joke.

“Seems like it.” He held onto Remus, his feelings going numb as he looked at the veil in front of him. Of all the rooms they could’ve been in, it had to be this one.

“He’s really gone.” He spoke up again, sighing shakily as he felt Remus rubbing his back in circles. It made him feel calm for a moment, but moments never last anyway.