#get on your knees

A few days after Reaction Junkie and I had our conversation about d/s, we stopped at the grocery store on the way home from work. In the car, he had taken a  dominant tone with me, and he didn’t let a little thing like being in public prevent him from continuing. As we walked through the store, he kept grabbing me and whispering comments into my ear, reminding me of my place.

I was getting turned on by what he was doing and saying and Reaction Junkie could tell. He laughed at me a little, and asked if my cunt was clenching. He didn’t need to wait for my response to know the answer. Of course it was. I always get turned on when he exerts his dominance over me and reminds me that no matter what we do, at the end of the day, he owns me.

At one point, I knelt down to look at something on a bottom shelf. Reaction Junkie came over to stand next to me. He made some comment about me being on my knees, which obviously made me think about sucking his cock. Just as I was thinking that, he said, “Suck my cock.” I thought he meant over his clothes,   and when I started to stand up to continue shopping, he said, “Suck my cock.”

At first I thought he meant for me to put my mouth on his crotch over his clothes. The idea of doing that made me a little nervous, and more than a little excited. Being seen doing that probably wouldn’t land him, or even me, in any trouble, but I would probably be too mortified to go back. I was about to ask if that’s what he meant for me to do, thinking I would definitely do it, despite my worries about doing so in public.

Before I could say anything, however, Reaction Junkie added to his command, “Take it out.” That threw me, since I didn’t know whether or not he meant it. Actually having his cock out in public could potentially negatively affect him, not just me. If I hadn’t been concerned about what consequences he might face, I would have immediately grabbed his cock and started sucking. As it was, however, I started to stand, deciding that he wasn’t serious. The look on his face made me uncertain again.

I returned to my knees, then tried to get up again. I went back and forth between kneeling and standing multiple times, not knowing what the right thing to do was. I tried to figure out from his expression what he wanted, even tried to ask a question, but Reaction Junkie just looked entertained, and I couldn’t figure out what to ask. He even added to the mindfuck, instructing me to stand and then ordering me to suck his cock in quick succession.

Being ordered around and being fucked with had me turned on and subby. I wanted so badly to obey, but I had no idea what I was supposed to do. Reaction Junkie had broken my brain.

He laughed and made fun of me for being unable to decide if I should get up or stay down, telling me how I looked, confused and stuck half-way between standing and kneeling. Finally, he told me I should stand. We finished grocery shopping, and the whole time he kept whispering to me about what had just happned. My desire to do what he’d commanded, my uncertainty, and my vascillation between standing and kneeling.

The fact that I would have sucked his cock in the aisle of the grocery store proved that I will follow his orders even if it would make life difficult for me. And fucking with my mind demonstrated that it isn’t just my body he owns. My mind is also his to do with as he will. He’d given me a perfect reminder of where I really stand (or, in this case, kneel) in our relationship.

Happy hour was great on Tuesday!

Reaction Junkie and I got there earlier than usual, which I’m very happy about, since it meant the wonderful evening lasted as long as possible. When we went up to the bar, we saw that Pup (A new boytoy Reaction Junkie got for me. I’ll write up the night that happened soon) was there. We said hello and started talking. As we conversed, more and more people streamed into the bar. I kept looking up as people came in, looking for Radical Girl, a new friend who was coming to happy hour at my invitation.

Finally, Radical Girl walked in. We greeted each other, and I introduced her to some of the people I was talking to. There was so much excellent conversation about all kinds of topics, from Google Glass to social anxiety to Berkley to not feeling like an interesting person, and so on. I wandered in and out of conversational groups, feeling more confident and socially competent than I have in a long time. My more core group of friends and I worked to keep the worst of the “fresh meat” phenomenon from negatively affecting Radical Girl. There were still some uncomfortable moments, and I won’t deny that we also had a bit of that going on (we also had the whole “liking her because she’s a cool person” thing going on tho), but overall we made sure her first time at that happy hour was not overly creeper-laden.

At some point, Reaction Junkie and I were in conversation with Pup. Something that was said made Reaction Junkie want to play with him a little. I think it may have been that he said something about me, rather than to me. Anyway, Reaction Junkie told Pup, “Get on your knees.” (This wasn’t a new thing; we played like this at the party last Saturday.) Pup hesitated. He looked around, like he was looking for help. Help he didn’t really want. He slowly dropped to his knees. Once he was kneeling in front of me, Reaction Junkie said, “Now look LFB in the eyes and tell her you’re glad to see her.” The voice he was using made me want to obey despite the fact he wasn’t even talking to me. Pup must have felt similarly, because he looked me in the eyes and said, “I’m glad to see you.” I smiled and responded that I was glad to see him, too.

Reaction Junkie gave Pup a “Good boy.” Then he said, “Now beg. Beg LFB for permission to stand up.” In a frustrated tone, Pup said he wanted to stand up. “Beg,” responded Reaction Junkie in that voice. Pup leaned into me and put his arms around my legs and pressed his head into my midsection. It brought to mind a puppy trying to burrow into someone to escape something scary. That made me feel bad for him, and I put my arms around his shoulders. He ran his hands up and down the backs of my calves, which felt very nice. I petted him for a moment before he looked up at me and in a small voice if he could stand up. I smiled down at him and gave him some head scratches. Then I told him he was a good boy and that he could stand.

Pup stood up. I got involved in a couple of conversations, and then found myself talking to Reaction Junkie. I said something to him about how I feel about topping/domming. When I told him, “I’m not good at being dommy,” he told me that I was. I disagreed. Reaction Junkie got Anderson Cooper’s attention and instructed him to look into my eyes and “tell LFB she’s good at being dommy.” Anderson Cooper told me, “I’ve seen you with Reaction Junkie. You’re good at being dommy.” I was about to protest, but then Reaction Junkie looked at Pup, about to give him the same order he gave Anderson Cooper.

Before Reaction Junkie could speak, Pup said, “You don’t have to tell me,” looked me in the eyes, and told me, “LFB, you’re very good at being dommy.” I could tell from the look on his face and the tone of his voice that he was completely sincere. I stopped arguing and accepted the compliment the three men had given me. “Oh…well,” I blushed and looked down, “Thank you.” The whole thing made me feel pleasantly embarrassed, boosted my self-esteem, and left me feeling more confident about exploring that side of myself.