The Magnus Archives employees participating in the Great British Baking Show
Challange: a cake
Jon: Did a ton of research, comparing every variation of this recipe ever made, and combining the best received techniques into a new one. Did not practice. Complete disaster. 2/10
Martin: Makes a cake. Why does everyone have such a hard time with this it’s only cake. His is light and flavored with something delicate and he makes the decorations by hand. 11/10
Basira: she tries so hard but everything is going Wrong no matter what she does. Drops the cake on the floor and it still ends up looking better than Jon’s. 3/10
Daisy: uses her Nan’s recipe. It’s divine, holy shit. Gives everyone a murder face the whole time and nobody sees her cook it because they are afraid to draw attention by watching. 10/10
Melanie: Uses a box mix. Does it perfectly but bro, it’s a box mix. 5/10
Tim: Does not want to cook anything so his entry is a single, fresh grapefruit. He uses his entire two hours to play candy crush and give Elias the finger in a single prolonged gesture. ?/10
Elias: There’s no way this was made by a person. It’s like if a robot made cake. Yes everything is perfect in every way but it…lacks heart. You can taste that there’s no love in this cake. 4/10
Peter: didn’t show up, sent a text to Martin 90 minutes in claiming he got the dates wrong. ?/10
Sasha: Uses a box mix but Elevates it with an extra egg and some kind of vanilla bean grit and little bears made of chocolate marching around the edge. It’s great, really, but still a box mix. 8/10
Gertrude: Uses Daisy’s Nan’s recipe but has never actually baked anything in her life. Definitely tried hard though. Painful to look at. 1/10
Jared: Is actually quite good at this and would have done better but overbaked just a little as he got distracted wondering if maybe he should have gone into baking as a trade instead of…all this. Still better than Melanie’s. 7/10
